1/15/04 - Thursday 5:36pm

Well I came from the ER last night well actually this morning. The reason I went was cause my leg had been bothering me and I was limping for 3 day's. I think it had to do with the dancing. Anyway's worst thing I did was on it knowing that my leg was messed up. So that’s why I went last night/this morning at 1:00am. Good thing was that there was noone there. So I didn't have to wait to get checked.

Well they told me that my x-ray came back real good. Nothing wrong with my knee. No water in my knee. So maybe it was just a minor strain. So I have to keep off it for a good week. No dancing. Nada. Hopefully it won't hurt by next week. The only problem is that my pulse is high. Over there it came out to 114. Now the nurse thought it had to do with my knee. But I told her that my pulse is usually about 103-109. She said I should have that checked out. That it's not real bad that needs to be checked out there but that’s something I should get checked out. I have a pulse of a kid. But my sugar was ok. No high (Blood-P).

I'm happy that I have nothing wrong with my leg but now I'm walking around the house with this red stick right....But now I look like that old man from Lord Of The Rings that walk's around with the stick. Yep that's me right now..I was walking pass my mami she's sleeping and me banging that stick on the floor pissed her off she was like: Stop That Noise. I was like sorry ma I can't walk. She felt bad she was like sorry mami I thought it was one of the kid's playing.. She even said sorry twice..I look sorry

Anyway's I think I'm boy/guy/man crazy. I noticed I can't go anywhere without saying Oh He's Cute, Oh No He's Cute, Wow Did You See Him There was like maybe 4/5 guy's I was looking at in that hospital. Now I noticed I am like that but I never go for mine. Or try to get with guy's all the time. I like looking but once they come on to me I just brush it off. Why I don't know. But yea I think I'm guy crazy. Or maybe not maybe I just like looking at good looking guy's. I'm funny. Well I'm just glad that there's nothing wrong with my knee. Till Next Time

1/19/04 - Monday 11:17pm

Well What's up...Victor called me yesterday....We spoke a little..Not Much...HE put some song there saying that he dedicates that song to me.. He's funny But in a Adorable way...We haven't spoken in a while....I think he still has that second job of his...I hate that job...With a passion...Yea maybe chick's out there don't mind their man with that kind of job cause they like the so called benefits...But when you care about someone a lot it's when It bothers you..Cause you care more for the person then any other benefits so they say come's from that kind of job. To be honest Their's actually no benefits that I think that come's from that shit.....But then again is like this guy told me once: Only a Materialistic girl can see that.

Had chest pain today thought it was something serious..But my mami say's since I been walking around with that stick cause of my leg maybe that’s what was causing the pain...Cause I am working out my arm and chest.....But who know's... Let me go.

1/21/04 - Wednesday 11:37pm

What's up..Spoke to a doctor...I was told my leg could take from 2-3 week's to get better...Doesn't that suck...Well I'm suppose to do an Essay for school...That is so not my shit...Haven't even gotten started...I do have enough time but I should start now to be on the safe side..That way I don't have to worry about it until I have to give it in...

Well we already started looking on vaca's..We're doing the Resort thingy this time..I got a phone # to call for that phone actress job...Let's see..They offer $10 Hr..Don't know if that's good..Want to check around see if that's the usual pay..Or some place's pay more...Well Let me go...

02/01/04 - Sunday 4:36pm

I have 2 more week's to see if my leg get's better...If it doesn't I have to go back to the hospital....Which mean's it has to be something else..If it does get better that mean's that after that I have to wait at least 1 week or 2 before dancing or doing anything to make sure my leg is good....

You know what's funny....I actually want a baby now.....Funny thing is I'm not even in a serious relationship....If I had my shit together and my career straight I would have one right now....I think

I say that now but, who know's...Maybe if I did have my shit together I probably wouldn't want to have a baby...

I thought I was the only one who thought if i had my shit together that I would have one now..But my sister and my friend say the same thing....

But I guess that's only once in a while we think like that.....When we start thinking about going on vaca we thank goodness none of use have baby's...Which mean's: Vaca, 4 Girl's, Water, dance ,bug out, Phat tan's, Drink, Do what we want..Which it's good for now...But Can't wait to have my baby's some day...:) Till Next Time

2/02/04 - Monday 12:24 Am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU , HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BELLA, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

Well What's up...Oh I just found out something about myself....I never put anything sexual on this site about myself but fuck it...I noticed that I cum quick under pressure...

Example: I was playing with myself right.

So all of a sudden I hear the phone ring..I knew that was for me. Now I'm here playing with myself on my bed and I didn't want to stop So I start going faster & Faster. I'm thinking I'm not going to make it. Their going to pick up the phone say: Hi who's this, Who do you want to speak to, Eni Ok hold on Then I'll hear their foot steps coming to my room and I'll have to stop cause I didn't make it..

But Guess What.

I did get to. I started doing it faster & faster and even after hearing them say: Who do you want to speak to I kept going and going and a few step's before they hit my room I came...HAHAHA I find that funny cause I came under pressure..I was really refusing to have to stop to answer to the fucking phone...I even had time to jump off my bed pick up my panties and act like nothing happened..And to imagine their were only few step's away....

Anyway's besides that..Me and my girl's were listening to old tapes my girl brought to the house for us to hear...We had one of us talking about what do we think will be doing in the future..It's hilarious Well on the tape my girl ask's me of a bunch of guys/girl's we knew at the time and what I thought they'll be doing..Which I said a few of funny and bad things...Then she asked me if

I would like to be friend's with them again

I said No..What else. She ask's me if

I thought the guy I was with at the time really loved me a.k.a (Jeff).

I said. I think he does a little.

Then she goes, No really

I was like heck yea he does love me...

Which I cracked up when I heard myself say that..Cause mind you not only it's stupid but then again my voice sounded like a little girl...What else was on that tape..Oh yea I came to the conclusion that I am a funny ass girl..My girl asked me

So what you going to do when we go see these guys on July 6.. I come out and say:

I'm going to throw a romantic fart and his going to fall in love with me

When I heard that shit I started laughing like crazy..I'm here thinking I got funny as I got older..But Heck No my Ass as always been funny..What else was on the tape..Oh yea some guy's were coming over to my house..They were older..And we was bugging out recording our selves..It was me my sister ,best-f, Nicole..Which on the tape we remembered we use to call her (Nicolin)..Anyway's the guys were coming and you hear me say:

I want to snap on Vic today..

Yea I know I another Vic..Don't know what's up with the Victors but yea I can say that both times Que Yo Mi enchulao bien enchula And that was only twice in my life. It just so happens that both were named Victor...Anyway's I said that on the tape..Oh yea on the tape we had the radio on and there were giving this song called : Pump up the jam...So I come out: And start singing:

Hump Hump The Man , Hump Hump The Man.. And you hear me jumping up & down Most likely I was doing a humping movements..Cause I was always dancing..And You hear everyone laughing after I said that and started dancing..But it was cool hearing myself and everyone else and how we spoke..You see how immature you sound at that age..And to think we thought we knew it all..Let me go..Till Next Time....

2/08/04 - Monday 11:05 Pm

The Award's was today....Beyonce sang one of my favorite song's: Dangerously In Love...

Oh yea I look so funny running with my fucked up leg....In fact I look sad...I think it's getting better.. Fucking shit is taking forever to get better....

They giving the (L Word) right now...I'm missing it but I'll see it later on Showtime On Demand..That's what's good about On Demand..

Did I mention we're going to Dr in August..

We did PR last year..Then Miami. We did Bahamas, St Thomas, Bermuda, What else???? Well I guess That's it...

We wanted to do Jamaica this yr but we might do it next year...

We still have to do: Greece, Spain, Brazil, Hawaii, California...Oh yea how can I forget my best friend's favorite Paris....I think she want's to do that next yr or the one after cause we do want to do Jamaica...So who know's....Till Next Time...

2/11/04 - Wednesday 11:29 Pm

My leg is getting better...Thank Goodness..

My girl is not going to the same school as me and my sister....

Spoke to Victor again yesterday..Asked him If he wanted to Come pick me up...He said he couldn't cause he was picking up a friend of his....He said she was pregnant and he hasn't seen her in a while..So he decided to pick her up from school.....Sure! Little thing's like that is that I find funny...

With him you have to wait till he call's and say's baby let me go pick you up..And it's always at a weird time too..I always tell him call me a day before and let me know you picking me up..Not the same day.

I cut the conversation short...Sometime's he pissed me off....Don't get me wrong a lot of talks with him are good...But some leave me thinking that if I didn't speak to him I'll be feeling better....

To be honest I know why after a conversation with him I feel fucked up.....I know exactly why..

Anyway's yea I just wanted to cut it off.. I know will talk again but I hope it's not for a while....Cause I'm good right now..Till Next Time

2/15/04 - Sunday 11:17 Pm

Oh yea....I was telling my girl's that the day of my wedding I want to wear my dress all day. Till it's time for me to go to sleep.......

Yea I know I'm talking about my wedding and I don't even have a Serious Man

I have something but I wouldn't call it serious

But Anyways

During the after party I'm leaving it on...Also if I leave to my honeymoon that same night everyone on that flight is having a bride on flight # ***

I'm a funny chick

I just believe that's the only day I'll look like a princess & wear that dress...So I have every right to wear it all day.

The last episode of SEX AND THE CITY is next week....Sad!

Oh yea I got a pretty bracelet for valentines...Which I was not expecting..I was so fucking excited..I realize now that I get more excited about gifts when I'm not expecting them..I couldn't stop smiling..Thank You Baby...Till Next Time

2/20/04 - Friday 3:53 Pm

My fucking Dairy page won't let me save my fucking entries....That shit is pissing me off...

I only get to write them here for now....

My niece is coming this weekend....I miss her

Can't wait to see her....

We been looking at resorts in DR to book already....We are going to have a lot of fun in vaca....Next Year hopefully we do Jamaica or Brazil if God Permit's....

Oh yea I heard that in Brazil there's a lot of kidnaping's for ransom's....That a lot of people that have gone to Brazil never come back HAHAHa..You believe that...I don't know what to believe....Anyway's Till Next Time

2/22/04 - Sunday 10:19 Pm

SEX AND THE CITY IS OVER

WHY? I DON'T KNOW....SHIT IF THEY WANTED MORE MONEY GIVE THE GIRL'S THE MONEY.....IT'S A GOOD FUCKING SHOW...

I STILL HAVE THE L WORD BUT , SHIT IT'S NOT THE SAME.

WELL WE NEED TO GET THE WHOLE 6 SERIES....

WE BEEN TALKING ABOUT GETTING ALL THE SERIES FOR A WHILE NOW....

THEY BETTER COME OUT WITH ANOTHER SHOW LIKE IT.. AND

SOON!

WELL THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING FOR NOW....Till Next Time

2/24/04 - Tuesday 11:18 PM

Well I have been having problem's with my dairy..Well not with the Aol Journal but with my Dairy page..I was wondering why it never wanted to save anymore...so what i had to do was put last years entry's in another page. Then start the new entry's on my first page....The reason I did that was cause everyone already know's my first page...So decided to keep my new entries in my first URL then start a new URL...You can still read my old entry's. There's a link to my first page on it......

What else....Oh yea I don't know if you guy's remember about this guy I wrote about on Thank's Giving day he came to my house and me and my girl's told my little cousin to say we wasn't home....Even after we knew that he heard us......But then after that we felt bad cause we heard he left to Iraq...Well since then we were wondering if he was ok.....Turn's out he showed up again....Which I told my cousin to say I wasn't home HAHAHA ....Well if you read my first page you know I don't like him so........But yea the guy is fine....I'm glad

2/25/04 - Wednesday 11:26 Pm

What's up...I got a little bump on my upper lip.....It bother's...I got it right after I ate PoPCorn.

Oh yea we decided that we are not going to DR....We are renting a house with private pool for our Vaca....In Miami..

Yes we are going again to Miami.. But this time to a Private Villa

So we are renting a Expedition... & Road tripping out there..

Hopefully everything goes well...

We have 8 maybe 9 people going...So the bigger the group the better....

03/02/04 - Tuesday 11:32pm

Well my cousin hasn't been feeling well..He keep's getting these weird chest pain..He's only 22. He called the house this morning at 5am saying he was Shaking and his Chest Hurt..

He called his mother but her fucking ass just say's (Stop Your Scaring Me) Shit can't you see he's Scared..She didn't offer to take him to the hospital. Nada..So he called my house..I didn't even hear the phone. All I know my mother woke me up at 5am telling me he was on his way..My mami told him to come over cause she was taking him herself to the hospital..He started crying on the phone talking to my mami before he came...He was really scared....

Now the thing is he went to the ER. They say he's heart beat is normal..One time his heart beaded differently but the doctor said that was normal..They checked blood, Everything. He came out good....Right now I just spoke to him. I asked him if he's ok he say's yea here and there. I don't like those answer's..I want to hear yes I'm good I don't feel anything...But I hope he get's better and nothing happens to him..Ever!

Did I mentioned that my fucking cell phone charger hasn't been working...I was being to lazy to buy another one...

Well Turn's out I was upset cause my charger wouldn't CHARGE MY CELL....It does have it's day's..Anyways I was uptight and my mami's cell charger was right there so I come pissed the heck off take her charger and put it in my cell..Didn't really think it would work...Turn's out the shit charges my fucking cell you believe that....

ALL THOSE WEEKS OF FRUSTRATING MYSELF WITH THE FREAKING CHARGER....THATS SUCKS

3/4/04 - Thursday 1:04 Am

Well let me start by saying the whole florida trip is canceled......We already booked our Dr vaca...So that we can't change.....So now I can say We're going to DR.....

Shit that was where we was going from the beginning..But we changed it for some other people...Now we ended up back in round 1...

My cousin is feeling better. Which I love!

I just hope that the resort we going to is good.....I was reading reviews about it....it has it's good & bad reviews...Thing is we already booked that shit...so now we just got to hope it turn's out good...

One thing I noticed people were annoyed by was the None Stop Music they say the hotel plays...Now I laugh cause to me that's not a problem...I know we will love that shit...

Another thing they bitched about on the reviews was that they couldn't Sleep cause of all the noise...I'm thinking shit what type of people went there cause Damn the music doesn't bother us at all. In fact I know we going to be dancing like crazy up in there..HAHAHAHA

But I hope it's good.....They did say that it took a while to get their room's....But Knowing us we to hype, we talk to much we might not even notice.....

3/6/04 - Saturday 11:25 Pm

What’s up....The night before I fell asleep at 4:30am cause I wanted to finish my book...Between Lovers..It was good..Had to finish it cause yesterday I wanted to start reading another book....The new book is about this man who would meet girls online then kill them...It's ...Based On A True Story...Crazy right..

Anyways fell asleep last night at 4:30 as well..Then I got up at 10:00am..Should of slept more... I only had 4 ½ hours of sleep and still up at this time...I should be sleeping....Watch me read before I go to bed then watch TV...Yea I noticed that I get sleepy when I'm reading...But with TV even if I'm tired I don’t knock out that fast..Well unless I'm like really tired then that's a different story..Till Next Time

3/11/04 - Thursday 1:02 Am

HAVE A BIG FUCKING PROBLEM.....I HAD TO WORK OUT TODAY....NOW I KNOW MY LEG IS NOT COMPLETELY BETTER BUT I THOUGHT I WAS CLOSE TO BEING BACK TO NORMAL......GUESS WHAT...I'M NOT EVEN NEAR...MY LEG IS SO FUCKED UP. THAT I'M FEELING REALLY BAD ABOUT THE SHIT RIGHT NOW....I DON’T LIKE FEELING LIKE THAT..

I ACTUALLY WORKED OUT MORE TRYING NOT TO PUT THAT MUSH WEIGHT ON MY LEG..I'M GOING TO CRY

VICTOR IS DOING REAL GOOD NOW WITH WORK HE SAY'S....I'M HAPPY FOR HIM..TILL NEXT TIME

3/20/04 - Saturday 3:17 Am

Yo You don't fucking know....This Mother Fucker... (VICTOR).....Is a Lying Fucking Bastard.....I was in so much shock today it's not even fucking funny......The whole fucking day I was just thinking how someone could lie their Ass off..

This Bitch Ass! Shit that's all I can call him right now..HAHAHAHA....And to think I thought this man was a fucking good as man....Well this chick gave me this crazy ass story saying that the car he drives is hers...To be honest that shit I don't believe....Not even if she pays me to believe it I won't...But the crazy shit she was saying is like beyond......I can't even put words together right now.....I'm still in shock.....

The funny thing is that noone knows how bad this man lied to me.....

But then again I'm the bad person....Which I didn't even know this Nigga was living a total different life then the one I thought he was living......WOW VICTOR You need a FUCKING prize....

The thing is that he hasn't even called me...which I know he doesn't even dare.... Sad thing is.....I will not believe it unless he told me himself that what I heard from this crazy chick is true......And if he say's it's not true well then I'll leave it at that...

And to think I looked very pretty today...Everyone kept telling me I looked Pretty even Sexy...I even went to the bathroom for a minute when I looked in the mirror I did noticed that I looked pretty.....Not that I never look pretty but something about today that I looked different. Maybe that's what kept me in a Semi Good Mood...People caught me so many times looking at the floor thinking. ..They had reggae on I was moving but looking down at the floor in shocked and thinking....

My girl's were like (Eni You ok)....I kept saying yea.....People were talking to me and I was nodding like I was paying attention when all that time I was thinking. ...I alway's try to be up beat even when something is bothering me...Don't get me wrong I wasn't like completely out of it...Even when I first saw my Cousin ( T ). I gave my best Kool-Aid smile.. And he didn't even noticed that I was a little uptight...

I'm going to be in shock I think for the next few day's.....To think, You think You know someone....Or that , this person won't ever lie......Let me just stop right here....

For some of you that don't get this entry..I don't know what to tell you cause to be honest I didn't even put down what I found out today that kept me in shock So I probably don't even make sense right now to Ya.....And you know what ......(I DON'T GIVE A FUCK)

OH YEA MY SISTER IS A FUNNY CHICK...WHEN I TOLD HER THE WHOLE THING ABOUT VICTOR'S DOUBLE LIFE..HAHAHA. WHAT A DICK..HAHAHA ANYWAY'S SHE TOLD ME WHAT YOU GOING TO TELL HIM OR ASK HIM...FIRST THING OUT OF MY MOUTH WAS

YOU KNOW WHAT. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW..HE'S BETTER OFF KEEPING IT ON THE LOW...

SHE COMES OUT AND TELL'S ME I GOT THE PREFECT SONG FOR YOU..WHICH PLAYED I THINK TWICE TONIGHT..WHICH I HAPPEN TO LIKE THAT SONG..BUT NOW IT'S ALWAYS GOING TO REMIND ME OF TODAY..

WELL THE SONG THAT I LIKE WHICH SHE SAYS GOES GOOD WITH MY LITTLE COMMENT IS THE SONG FROM: MARIO WINANS: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW..I LIKE THAT SONG BUT SHE FUCKED IT UP FOR ME CAUSE NOW WHEN I HEAR IT I THINK OF THIS SHIT..Till Next Time

3/20/04 - Later on 4:06 Am

Just wanted to make it clear that when my sister said about the song thingy....It was a Joke..And the only reason she said that song was cause of my comment that: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW/ HE BETTER KEEP IT ON THE LOW..

I repeat it has Nothing to do with my thing at all with double life boy..At all I repeat..I just so happened to use some word's that the song had. And we found it funny..So don't read between the lines people..

3/22/04 - Monday 5:09 Pm

Well Let me tell you...This dude ended up calling me the next day which was on Saturday..Now I pick up say hello. Then he come's out and ask's me what the heck I told that chick...First thing out of my mouth was..Don’t You Even Fucking Dare Act Like I Knew You Had Someone...Then I told him: He better call me when he is going to use his own words not what someone else want's to him to say..Then I hanged up...After I hanged up..I thought about it then called back to tell him off..But she ended up picking up..I told her to put this nigga on the phone she told him to get on the phone he didn't want to...She told him for the second time but he still said no...So I just hanged up

But you know what after thinking about it...If I was in his position I would do the same Fucking thing..I'm not even going to hate on him..Don’t get me wrong what he did was foul. Acting like he's single no Kid's to get his shit on the side...that's wrong..No Doubt...But You know what. I would do the same Fucking thing..Now when I say I would do the same thing I don't mean to get someone else no that’s not me...I mean if I got caught lying to 2 guy's I would deny it myself...

But he's fucking good...I Laugh at it now..I got to say he's the Fucking Man..Now one Fucking problem the chick won't stop calling me...I got like 8 call's from the chick..Then She said she wasn't the one calling but then again after I told her to cut her shit..I didn't get another call again...Yea I know Funny..only Fucked up shit is that he's the second guy that could made me

NeverMind

No More For Me! HAHAHA...Yea Right! Anyway's That Shit Is Dead..Well at least from my part... I just hope they just stop calling my damn cell phone..Anyways

Dancer's

Well I know Ya know I am in a all girl Latin Dance Group...We do Festival's Parades & Colleges...We been on stages such as

La Mega , Telemundo, Hot 97 , Coca-Cola, etc...

We will be doing auditions to add new girl's in the up coming month's..Don't worry you don't need to be like a professional dancer..You just need to be able to follow well & do routines..Basically have beat. But let me just add this group is not to teach people how to dance you already have to know how to dance...We are only looking for 21yr old and over.

So Im me or send me an E-mail..Letting me know your interested....Leave your Name & E-mail so you can be added to a list & we can send you an E-mail when the auditions are near..also your nationality....your age...Also let us know where did you hear about the audition...

3/25/04 - Thursday 2:00 Pm

Well What's up....Well First I want to say Happy Birthday to my sister...Well my leg still has a little problem..When I'm dancing sometimes it like clicks..Now I'm hoping that it's just me giving it to much thought...A lot of times I don't do the step the way it's suppose to be done cause I'm afraid to put to much weight on it...Have to get over that..

Spoke to Rudy...He's going to do our CD's for the show's..You know what he had said before he would do it for free. I don't know if he's willing to still do it fo free..Which I don't really care if we had to pay or not. Cause he is doing us the job. Either way if he does it free or not he's still my boy. And anyways us girl's when we need a CD done for a show we can drive guy's crazy. Imagine a bunch of girl's telling a DJ: NO YOU HAVE TO STOP IT AT THIS BEAT NOT THAT BEAT ETC..Trust me it can get hecked with us girl's up in there.

Oh yea my niece is adorable..One problem. When I speak to her I say: Hi Mama. She always say's: Hi Titi can I speak to Grandma for a minute..I'm thinking this girl don't love me anymore..But then again when she's with us I'm the one she's always on. I'm the one that will fuck up anyone who won't give her what ever she want's. But yea that whole: Can I speak to grandma ma for a minute is funny..In fact I would crack up cause she turned 2 but she know's so much. She speak's so well.

Do you believe that I weight myself yesterday people yesterday. And now it say's I gained 5 Pound's from yesterday morning to right now. Do you fucking believe that shit. I know that's impossible. Especially if I didn't even fucking eat that much shit. The only thing I can think of is that since I dance every day of course my muscles get heavier. But shit 5 pound's. Give me a fucking break. Another thing I was checking out..I noticed my Ass is getting smaller. I don't want my Ass smaller. Everyone tell's me it's cause the ass is getting toned. But you know what I still want the fat in my ass. Don't get me wrong I don't like a wiggly ass. I rather have a toned ass. But I also want to have an ass. That's fucked up 5 Pound's.

Talking about gaining weight. My little brother just called me he's bringing food for us to eat..And you know what I'm eating my ass off. Funny I'm here bitching about 5 pound's but then again I'm eating bad food. Maybe cause I know it's my muscles that are getting heavy. And you know what if it's not the muscles then something is up..Cause shit I basically burn everything I eat everyday with all the dancing I do. So what can it be. In fact let me weight my self again. See now I'm a 1 pound less. You know what I'll weight myself on Sunday And see what it say's. Well fuck it cause I'm eating really bad in a few when my brother get's here. Well Till Next Time

3/27/04 - Saturday 2:00 Am

Well was with my sister last night. My fucking leg hurt's like crazy. The muscle on the back of my leg right under my ass is fat. That muscle hurts like fuck. Today we did 2 routines for 2 different song's. They look hot. We were going to do another routine for another song but (v) was like I'm done. And fuck it. My ass is tired so I didn't need to be told twice to stop. Anyway's tomorrow we're doing the 3rd routine. We did Good today fuck that.

But I got to tell you there is not a fucking day of practice that we don't bug the fuck out. We laugh so fucking much every time we practice it's not even funny. I mean the joke's we crack up is like off the hook. To be honest the new chick's that end up making it into the group better have a Good Fucking Sense Of Humor. Anyway's every time we get new girl's they always want to end up hanging out all the time after practice. But yea our joke's are hilarious. Plus we all laugh so fucking loud.

I just hope we look good and everyone is on point when it comes to the show's. Don't play, we joke around a lot between like every fucking step but when we need to get shit straight we don't play we're serious. Like today. I had taught them a step mind you when my leg was fucked up and I couldn't dance. So today I am doing the step turns out I do it different. Now they tell me well will do it like you. I'm like no ya know it that way so I'll just have to learn it that way. I kept doing it over and over cause I was already use to it my way. But I got it. Today (v) was mad funny. She say's that every time we put her on the spot light she get's nervous. Mind you she's been dancing with us for over 10 years. I'm like how you get nervous around us. But that shit was funny she kept fucking up on the beat we had to hit hard. So every time she would fuck up we would start cracking up. Don't get me wrong we only crack up on girls we mad tight with. We know not all girls can take it. Some girl's get a little upset if they see other girls laughing or joking around on the mistakes. And to be honest those girls are usually the ones I don't click much with. I get along with the ones that are open and funny and bug out the most. It takes girl's a while to see that we don't rag on anyone. We just bug out on each other in a nice way. We been dancing for years we laugh so much at each others mistakes but it's not in a bad way what’s so ever. And to be honest that's what makes it fun. In fact sometimes I might do something that wasn't so funny and as soon as I start making fun of myself everyone starts cracking up. Anyways

Tomorrow we are also going to be looking at video's of pass shows see what we have to fix. See what we can change.

So enough about practice. We saw this porno the other day. I mean I never seen a dick that huge in my life. This guy had the thickest longest dick ever. In fact there was 2 guys and 2 girls in the porno right. The girl with the guy with the regular dick was just fucking and not once did you really hear that bitch. All of a sudden they decide to which and you hear that bitch scream. That shit was funny. Cause we was like oh now she's screaming cause she got that huge as dick. But yea that shit is to much. To me a dick that huge is a waste of dick. Come on very few chicks can take huge ass dicks like that. Till Next Time

04/07/04 - Wednesday 7:30Pm

What's up...My best friend rented a Hot 2004 7 passenger Suv this weekend...We had fun. I got to see my Niece. Which is adorable. Got to see my brothers house. Which is phat. Me my sister and best friend did some shit we never done before. Which I'm not going to say. We are going to do it again but, next time we hoping we get a better ****. Sorry you can't know. But to be honest I don't know why people do that. To me it's no big deal. In fact it's kind of stupid. But we are going to try it one more time and then after that never again.

But my niece is adorable. She's so big. She speaks so much. One time I told her your my baby and she goes: (Yea Cause Grandma Is Sleeping). I'm like shit. She said a lot of funny things. She does run to me every time she gets hurt. Cause I always baby talk to her. I love her. I already miss her. I had a lot of fun with (A) as well. She made all of us feel sad once. She's a very sensitive person. It's funny cause one time all of us girl's were at the supermarket and (A) almost had all of us crying cause she started crying. And we all started laughing cause we're like damn (A) We're going to be 4 crying chick's at the supermarket. But we made a joke out of it like always. But she did have everyone teary eyed. It was fun. (A) cooked. which was slamming. I ate twice. It took us 6 hour's to drive up there. We got lost twice I think. But to get back only took us 4 1/2 hour's which is the normal time. I think we're going again in the summer before our (DR Trip. Anyway's Let me go. Had mad fun this weekend. Oh yea I'm going to look up this (Bounce Around) thingy I saw on TV for kids which is cool. Since they have a big as yard I want to get that for the baby. It's a house you go in and you can jump up and down. It's cool. Till Next Time.

4/11/04 - Sunday 4:05 Pm

Well HAPPY EASTER. I was thinking a lot today. And I'm glad I picked the career I picked for myself. I also remember picking this career when I was like 14yrs old. Then again at that age you don't really know what the fuck you want to do. I'm glad I feel this way. I hate feeling like I don't know what to do. I feel like what I'm going for is good for me. All I wish that I can finish my Bachelor's very quickly. So that way I can hopefully start making over 80,000 a year. Oh yea I already know where I'm buying my first house. Their beautiful. I decided as soon as I start making good money I'm going to put the down payment for my house. I want a 4 bedroom house. Even if I can't live in it I'm cool. I told my mama if she would move into my house if I bought one. I forgot what she said. The thing is that I want to work in New York City. Mainly cause of the pay But, where I want to buy my house is like 2 hours away. Now I know I'm not going to want to travel 2 hours to get to work and back home. I was thinking maybe I'll just rent my house. I know some people probably thinking girl just buy your house closer to work. The thing is I want my house in this particular place. Anyway's that not anytime soon. So let me not talk about it.

Oh yea my best friend got some info on her ex's new girl friend. Doesn't sound good. We are attending a party that her ex and his new girlfriend might be in. I know there's not going to be drama cause we don't do drama. I did hear that the new girl friend is from drama central. I just hope she doesn't cause drama our way. I really don't want to break a sweat or nail's or even fuck up my hair. I actually think there's going to be no problems. I do think we are going to have fun.

I'm bored. I'm talking out of my ass. Not good. I should stop before I say to much. Oh yea I got my pink mini IPod engraved. That shit is taking long. They said it might be ready in 2 week's. That sucks.

Oh yea there was this girl that was suppose to audition for the group. The chick spoke to soon. Let's put it this way. She's not attending the day of the auditions. Till Next Time.

4/13/04 - Tuesday 5:38 Pm

Well last night I was taking a shower and had to get out quickly cause I couldn't breath. I here taking a shower all of a sudden I'm feeling funny like I can't catch my breath. So I stay still looking around like what’s going on. So it goes away. Then I'm here doing my leg's and again I'm feeling funny so I stop moving. That’s when I noticed it was getting worst. I like always start to panic a little. I'm not thinking straight. All I wanted to do was get out the shower quickly so I can stand in the hallway and get fresh air to help me breath cause that worked for me last time this same shit happened. So I go stand in the hallway. I'm looking at the wall trying to calm down and I noticed I'm not calming down. It was getting worst. Then I'm thinking why is this happening to me. So I tell my cousin to get out my way so I can go to the livingroom. He look's at me and ask's me what’s wrong. I'm like I can't breath. So I sit in the livingroom and I start to feel better. Mind you I still have soap on my body and conditioner on my hair. So I start thinking why is this happening to me again. Since this is the second time it's happened.

Then it hit's me. I'm congested. I'm still sick. I got so happy. The reason I got happy was cause shit I don't want to have a medical problem so young. I thought already that maybe something was wrong with me. Then I remember when someone is congested your not suppose to take hot showers. It hard to breath in hot air when your congested. And I remember yesterday when I was dancing that at one time I felt a little weird with my breathing. To be honest when I felt like that while dancing I just thought maybe that was cause we didn't practice for a whole week. So I just let it go. But it was cause of my congestion. Yea it does sound nasty but who the fuck doesn't get sick. The funny thing is that I never got congested to the point that it effected me in any way till recently. This is the second time. I need to take better care of myself and try not to get sick. Now you know who is not dancing until she get's better. That's right Me!

My sister went to my dad's. She's coming back on Thursday or Friday. Not sure. If she work's Friday then She'll be back Thursday night. I saw these hot shoe's I liked. They have them in White, Black, Brown. I'll definitely get it in brown if anything. I don't know how high the heal is. I hope it's not over 3". Their pretty. What I like is that they go good with jean's.

Oh yea before I was getting like 5 different bill's every month. I got it down to 1 bill a month. Ain't that shit good. Anyway's Till Next Time

4/18/04 - Sunday 2:15 Am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUS:(A)

We was practicing today and the worst shit happen to me. I got this pain when I made what I call the wrong move. This pain was the worst pain I felt in a while. I was about to start crying. I noticed every step I took it got worst. I thought I had to be taken to the hospital right there and then.

My best friend think's that what I got was a Charlie Horse. I never gotten a Charlie horse so I can't tell you if that's what I got. If I even tried to open my leg I felt the sharp pain going up. The shit is I got it in my INNER THIGH. Talking about it right now hurts.

She said it might take a few day's before I can feel comfortable.

I put a hot bottle in my thigh for a while. It did get better. But still.

Check out some info my friend just sent me...

IF YOU’VE EVER HAD A CHARLIE HORSE, YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL THEY CAN BE. THAT’S BECAUSE YOUR MUSCLE IS ACTUALLY TEARING. DALLAS ORTHOPEDIC SURGEON, DR. HOWARD MOORE, EXPLAINS WHAT CAN TRIGGER THE SUDDEN BURST OF PAIN, USUALLY IN LOWER LEG REGION.

"Different things can cause a muscle pull, but by and large, it’s caused by a sudden stretch applied to a muscle during a sports activity

When you have a muscle pull, the best treatment is not to completely rest it but actually to start on some rehabilitative exercises to keep the muscle flexible and also to restore the strength of the muscle. It’s really important to be on a rehabilitation program before you go back and try to start using that muscle group again."

Rehabilitative exercises. What kind of shit is that.

I don't like the fact that it say's that a Charlie horse is when the muscle is Tearing. That’s scary..Anyway's I don't wish that pain on anyone.

Oh Yea the fucking step that Caused my pain is no longer in the routine. Funny thing is when I was first tried it I said I can't do it. It's hard to go front then come back to the middle in less then a second. Mind you everyone else would be turning then going side way's. My shit was the hardest part. I tried a few times and still repeated: I can't do it. It's to hard.

My girl goes I think you'll get it by the time the show come's around. Paque fue eso. I did it again and when I turned front to then come back that's when I think my muscle was like

No No You Don't Do That. Loca!

I get upset when I do shit that doesn't come out right. Right now thinking I just fucked up my leg for nothing cause we're not evening using that step is pissing me off.

I'm just scared knowing that my muscle was tearing at that moment. Well I really hope it wasn't tearing. I hope it was just a minor strain. Till Next Time

4/22/04 - Thursday 2:03 Am

Well as for my leg. I'm back to normal. Still dancing. I think I said in my last entry that I wasn't dancing for a while. When I get hurt I'm a baby. I get mad at myself. I laugh at myself. Now when it's real serious I get so pissed off it's not even funny. With the whole Charlie Horse Or Strain thingy I really got mad at myself. Especially Cause the step wasn't even in the fucking routine anymore. Then again who took out the freaking step. Yep I did. Anyway's like I was saying. I did say I wasn't dancing for a while which didn't happen. It happened on Saturday. I rested Sunday. Danced on Monday. You had to see me I was so afraid at first it's not even funny. I'm there moving carefully one minute next thing I know I'm all into to my dancing doing my thing again.

But, I'm still in a way afraid. Never felt pain like that. Anyway's My body hurt's like crazy. No big thing just regular ache's from hour's of dancing.

Oh yea I decided yesterday to go with another DJ to make our mix. I have a friend who is a DJ. He was the one who was doing the CD for our show's. Mind you he's a sweet heart. He was doing it for free. I love him but, I can't have him do it. Not cause he's not a good DJ Cause trust me he's real good at what he does I just can't deal with it.

Yes it is a personal Reason. That's why I want to get another DJ.

I told the girl's today. My best friend was like (Why). I just said (no reason). I just want to use someone else. Then my sister come's out with (Why). I'm like shit. The thing is that I really don't have a good enough excuse. Well I don't know how I got out of it but I did. Right now I don't even remember what I said after their 3rd & 4th Why. They just was like damn we have to start looking for a DJ now. I just got up went to the stereo and played the CD so we can start dancing HAHAHAHHA And end the convo.

In fact he's calling me right now. BRB.

Well turn's out their flying him to florida so he can DJ at a club for 2 or 3 night's something like that. I actually got excited for him like if he was my man. HAHAHa. What else he said. Oh that he hasn't been able to call me cause he been in the studio doing his mix CD's. I'm happy for him. Look at that and I was just saying that I wanted to go with another DJ. He's probably going to be to busy to do some CD for me anyway's.

I just hope he get's what he always wanted.

But yea it's a personal reason. In fact after talking to him I felt like nah I don't need another DJ. But then again I probably only felt like that cause he always makes me feel comfortable when I hear from him. Anyway's will get some DJ out there to do our shit. I just want him to keep being himself.

And to keep his promise.

He said he'll try to call me when he can. And he'll check up on me every now and then and make sure I'm not breaking anything. When he said that I realized that I always complain to him about how I hurt myself. Well except for this time. With my Charlie/Strain. And that's cause I feel like he is changing. Good thing is that when I spoke to him it just seem's like he been really, really busy. So maybe that's why he been acting differently. Well maybe I'm just hoping that's the reason. Anyway's enough about Rudy. Oh yea back to Rudy. I tell him to be safe and careful with Chick's when he goes up there or to PR. We change the conversation. We talk again about him being safe. This time I meant being safe in general over there. I wasn't even talking about girl's. First thing out his mouth is yea I know I hear girl's are easy over there. I'm like damn Rudy only thing in your head is chick's. He start's laughing. I'm here thinking Damn. Do I need to hear this. After that I started laughing. Men are funny. Anyway's he tell's me women are not the first thing in his mind. His money is. One thing good about him is that he's not one of these nasty guy's out there. He won't sleep with just anyone for the fuck of it. Which is a very good thing. OK NOW THAT'S IT ENOUGH ABOUT HIM. Well actually I just want to lie down and watch TV. So Till Next Time.

4/26/04 - Monday 12:31 Am

Well my best friend's Birthday was this Friday that just pasted.

I have been eating so much shit since Thursday. NOT GOOD!

I just fucking weight myself. I gained weight. You believe that since Thursday. Mind you we haven't practice since Wednesday. So it's not like I was burning all the shit I have been eating lately. FUCK FUCK FUCK! FUCKING GREAT!

I'm good. Now let's see how long it's going to take to drop these 5lbs. Can someone even gain 5lbs in 4 day's. Damn. Shit. Fuck.

Don't get me wrong people I'm not obsess with my weight. I just noticed that's what it sound's like. So no I'm not those type of girl's that obsess on weight. Thing is I have show's to do. I can't be fucking around. I'm trying to keep myself on point. I have been keeping myself on point since October. And we're in April now. All the hot show's start in the summer. Anyway's I'll let you know how long it took me to take those 5lbs off. It might take a while to be honest. Cause first of all I don't do diet's. Hate them. I don't stop myself from eating. I'm a eater that I can tell you. I love to eat. My favorite thing to eat is pizza. I know. Not good for me. But I love pizza. I once ate a whole medium pie with bacon from dominos. Don't get me wrong I was stuffed. But I wanted to see if I can actually eat a whole medium pie by myself. From some reason I can't eat more then 3 anymore. Well no I can eat 4 if I'm really hungry. Shit I can eat. Anyway's I just got on to vent on how I gain weight the last 4 day's. which suck's ASS Till Next Time.

4/30/04 - Friday 1:42 Am

What's up. It took my sister & I hour's to get all our CD's & check which song's we wanted to put on the IPod's. After that We had to import them into the computer which took us hour's. Since we had so much cd's. After that We had to name them since most of them weren't named. No let's put it this way the only album that came named was Beyonce's album. Mind you we had 356 song's. I had to write the name of the artist and the song's on each one. Then after that we sit there laughing cause after all that work we don't know how to put the song's into the iPod. HAHAHHAHAHA

Now we started at 6:30/7:00 pm. By that time it was 1:00am. So all of a sudden my noggin kick's in and I figured out how to get it in. Oh yea before that I had to call my cousin but he forgot how to do it. He said he'll call me back but by that time I had already figured it out. Anyway's after that it turn's out I had to make a Playlist. Mind you I have 356 song's with no names on them. I had to put all Alicia Key's song's together all Beyonce's etc....It was a mess. We had to click on each fucking song then write down the name of it. After we did that to all the song's we had to make the play list. Example (Alicia key's)

Then after that we have to look threw 356 song's and get Alicia's song one by one and put it into the play list. It was easy after we had named all the song's but shit we were tired. We finished at 2:20am.

My sister had me laughing cause she couldn't even get her words out correctly. Then after that to make her laugh I looked at her and said I'm going to be fucked up tomorrow. The thing is I had my eye's cross sided when I said that so when she looked at me we started cracking up. Shit I was the one doing all the typing on the computer. My eye's were hurting. She was next to me but still not the same.

So now I have my cute ass iPod with all my song's in it. I love my Pink iPod. Funny thing is my sister and I have the same fucking song's. And same color iPod. Lucky we had them engraved in the back. Till Next Time.

05/03/04 - Monday 12:00Am

What's up. I'm loving my Pink iPod I must say. Oh yea I think I need therapy. Do you believe I'm afraid to make certain moves cause I'm afraid to feel that pain I felt When I got the Charlie Horse/ Strain. I'm not completely over it. I told these girl's I think I need time. Mind you I did dance 2 day's after it happened. The thing is I think I almost got it again like 4 day's ago. Ever since then I'm scared. That pain was to fucking bad. I wish I never get that pain again. I have been eating bananas like crazy. I heard when you get Charlie horses is cause you lack potassium.

Well the other day I was reading a little of my old diary page. The link is on top of this page if you like. So yea I was reading I noticed I make so much mistakes is not even funny. Not cause I can't spell. It's that I type so fast. And to top it all off I don't go back to correct it. Like for example I wrote (Medal) In stead of (Metal) Also Once I wrote (Right) In Stead of (Write) I don't really care cause I know I know how to spell. But in a way I know people judge other people by it's cover. Now my thing is If you have read my diary before you can tell I know the difference from (Write) & (Right) So who gives a Rats Ass. So yea that shit had mad mistakes. I can't blame my self if while I'm typing my first sentence my mind is already on the second sentence. That's how typing work's. Well to me I guess.

Another thing I noticed I fuck up in is comma's. I'll tell ya, I still don't know how to use the comma appropriately. I know I throw it in too often. I feel like everything I ever learned about the English language I learned in grade school, and each lesson I remember vividly. I think I remember having some issues with the comma, and because I didn't address them then, I still struggle with it. Like this last sentence I just typed - did I need those two commas? Why don't I know this by now? I did well long as time ago, but I haven't mastered the damn comma yet. I remember learning the difference between lie and lay. Those were big lessons. I know how to use them, but I still use them inappropriately sometimes deliberately because of colloquialisms. Is it really colloquialisms or just adjusting what you know is proper because you don't want to sound too proper?

Oh yea I came to the conclusion that I Am:

Headstrong : True to Myself : Forgiving : Witty : Eccentric : A Child at Heart :Sensitive : A Student of Life : A Baby At Times: Passionate : Conscientious :Grounded : Loyal : Sarcastic : Blunt : Open-Minded : Fiesty : A Dreamer :But Yet A Realist : Creative : Proud : Affectionate : Romantic : Funny : Moody :Complex : Deep : Humble : Spiritual : A Believer : Old Fashioned : Spoiled :Stubborn : Corny : Adorable At Time's : Sweet : Goal Oriented : Honest :But For Some Reason Sometime's (Misunderstood).

I guess everyone at times feels misunderstood. Worst one I hate is when you feeling Confident and people mistake it for being Conceited.

Anyway's I bought myself a whole mess of underwears again. Yea I know after I said I won't anymore cause I had to much to the point that I haven't even worn more then half of the one's I already have. Also got myself 3 jean's, These cargo pants in pastel yellow, don't ask me why. I just thought maybe with some cute white sneakers and a white shirt it would look cute. Also got green ankle pant's, stone ankle pants, pink & yellow baby doll shirt, got the one in pink cause I have a pink purse my sister gave me for my birthday. I didn't buy like alot of thing's. Anyway's Till Next Time

5/06/04 - Thursday 10:25 Pm

What's up. Today I am not watching TV to go to sleep. Well for one I haven't been getting enough sleep . And just now I decided not to put the main reason why. Now how am I going to remember what was I talking about at this moment if I don't put it down. Oh I know I need (GAY). That's my clue to remind me when ever I read back. Oh yea Remember when I bought 6 new book's. Well I just bought 4 more. Sad thing is I only read 2 of the 6 that I bought last time. Well actually 2 of the 6 book's are not stories there more like thing's I need to know. One was a Bartending book which I want to learn at least half of the most popular drinks. But shit there's so many it's not funny. So yea only 4 out of the six were stories. I only read 2 of them.

I don't think I mention it here but do you believe one of the book's scared me to the point that I took the book out of my room left it in the leaving room. I couldn't sleep that night. The next day I actually wanted someone to read the next 2 pages and tell me what happened. I didn't want to read the damn book. The thing is I did want to finish the book. I never read that book again in my room. I continued to read it in the livingroom. I didn't even want the book no longer in my room. I would leave the book out in the livingroom and read it in the afternoon. Yea I know it's stupid that I let a book get to me. I actually don't want to own the book anymore. I gave it to my sister to read and I told her to give it to my best friend and I told my BF to sell it after she was done cause I no longer want to have that book. Crazy I know. I even told my sister about how scared I got I told her when you get to it you'll know. Well turns out she say's it wasn't that scary. I told her she didn't get scared cause she was reading it in the train. I read my shit at night in my room. I guess I got a little to into it I guess. Anyway's I'm going to try and read the other 2 book's before I read the new one's.

Well just yesterday I started reading this book called SoulMates Dissipate. Which it seem's good so far. So I have 3 book's to read before I start to read the new one's. You know that song (Read Your Mind) by: Avant I keep trying to remember what that song reminds me of but I can't get it. Like I hear it cause I like it. At the same time I keep thinking something is up with that song. I can't put my finger on it. I guess it's not that important.

What else is new. My little brother bought he's girl a (Yorkie Dog). I don't know if that’s the way to spell it but who care's. I think that was cute. Well only cause she wanted it. Cause giving a girl a dog without knowing if she wants one is a very bad idea. Oh yea my sister colored her hair. Bad as color. (Very bad. She had to take my hat with her for the week so she can hide her hair. That’s how bad it was. That was not the color she wanted. At work her Co-Workers/friends were like (Pumpkin) come over here. She went to my dads house that week and colored her hair (Jet Black) again. She told me that next time she wants to change her hair color to remind her how ugly she looked. Well that’s it for now. Let me go do something. Till Next Time

5/08/04 - Saturday 11:26 Pm

What's up. Today is going to be the third day that I have not been sleeping on my back. I need to stop complaining to people every time I get hurt. Every time I feel something wrong I ask questions. It sound's like I'm always hurting myself. I need to try to keep my shit to myself. I do complain a bit to much. I spoke to my niece. She tell's me Titi come over. I told her I will soon. Then I tell her but you coming over here next weekend. She comes out and tells me Titi I'm Only 2. I started laughing. I'm like yea I know mama. She's a funny girl. A cousin of my mothers came over today. She hasn't seen us since we were like maybe 12/13. My girl told me she say this guy from my block that we thought he was the cutest out of this little group. Turns out she said he's ugly now.

5/09/04 - Sunday 1:34 Am

I was thinking how was it that I meet this girl that use to live in my block by the name of Rosey. I remember her being really cool peoples. I meet her threw my neighbor (J). Then this girl was asking me why did I stop talking to (J) and chillin with her. So I told her. Well Since I'm bored I'll write it here.

Well let me start by saying I got along with (J) very well. Lets call (J) Flaca. She was mad cool. Now After that I became her Babysitter.Flaca is like 12/13 years older then me. She had a Girl 8 yrs old a Boy 6 and Twin girls 3 yrs old. Now I remember when she would talk about me to other women she use to say I don't know about yea's babysitter but Eni my babysitter is a virgen. Now I heard her saying that once I started laughing. I don't know where she got that from. I would never lie about being something I'm not. I guess she thought I was Innocent. That’s what's good about not doing shit in your block. People think you’re a good girl. Well let me not use the word think cause I am a good girl. I'm funny. Well yea I don't shit where I eat. So yea she would say that to other people. It didn't bother me. Anyway's sometimes when she would have to go to DR she would call me and be like “Eni I need you to watch my kids (P) is going to pay you good”. Now Who's (P)?

Lets call P (Chulo). Chulo is her husband. Which is a street pharmacist. He would pay me off the hook every time I had to watch them for like a week. The only part I didn't like was when she once told me that 3 men were going to pass by the house and for me to let them in cause those were her husbands friends and they had to wait for him there. Me not knowing what the fuck they looked like. But she would tell me Eni I'm going to tell them to tell you something so you can know it's them. Now it may sound like it's dangerous but I always thought they will never put their kids in danger. And I am watching 4 Of Their Kids Come On. Now I remember once this one guy was like open the door I was like no. He was like shit open the door. So I was like get the fuck away or I'm calling the police. 5 Minutes later (Flaca) calls me and tells me that’s her husbands brother I was like “ohhhh sorry”. She was like no that’s fine.

So anyways I would make good money with them. Chulo did pay me well. That was my week money. Just to chill and watch these kids. sometimes they would call me at night and be like Eni can you come. Sometimes I would be sleeping and I would tell them I have to wake up early. They would tell me “Chulo is going to pay you $250 to watch them tonight please you can sleep here”. And since they lived just 2 buildings down from me I would put on my Jacket go with my Sandals to their house and knock out with the twins. Cause one was always awake. She would knock out with me. Let me try to speed the story. Well that’s how I meet Rosey. Flaca told Rosey that she had the sweetest babysitter yes me. So Rosey asked her if she can use me. Flaca said sure. But flaca use to tell me, Eni don't forget your mine. I would laugh. Guess who else had a street pharmacist husband. Yep Rosey. It's like I was the baby sitter to all the street pharmacist wives. So yea that’s how I meet Rosey which was mad cool. Well I actually babysat for 4/5 wives of pharmacist.

Let me make this short.

The reason Flaca stopped talking:.

Well for one let me just say I liked chulo a lot cause I thought he was a good man. I knew he did his dirt with another women once but that was cut short. Now he never disrespected her by coming on to any of her friends. So one day I'm in the livingroom and he's sitting down on the sofa. It was the Twins Birthday. He tell's me Eni come here. So I go to him he tell's me. I want to let you know that I like you a lot. I appreciate how you take care of my kids. I'm still thinking he's just saying thank you for watching his kids every time he calls me. But then he comes out with I Like you & I want to be with you. I was like so blown away. I'm like damn and I thought there were still men in this world that won't cross the line. I really was out of it cause usually you'll know when a guy is trying to come on to you or likes you cause he'll flirt. This guy Never Never Never flirted with me. After he told me that I was like (Chulo I'm Flaca's friend). I take care of your kid's. He was like I know you take good care of my kids. I was like No Chulo. I got up from the sofa and was heading outside.

He had a block party for the twins so my way to get away from him was going outside where everyone was at. So we're outside now. He comes up to me tells me to think about it. That he's going to take me shopping tomorrow. And that I can buy what ever I want etc... I was like no. He was like you want me to give you the money. I was like no chulo your Crazy. Then this merengue comes on. He comes out in front of everyone including the worst gossipers in the block & say's I want to dance this song with my Babysitter I gave him the meanest look. I was like no. Everyone in the block was like Eni dance with chulo. I was like no. Even flaca told me to dance with him.

Well, there was one time when I had to stop the twins cause they were fighting and I got in and so did chulo. The thing is I forgot if he told me something while we were trying to stop the twins or touched me I don't remember. What I do remember was that when I turned around the 2 ladies that love to gossip was looking at use. And they noticed something funny was going on cause I gave chulo a bad look, and I said leave me alone. And they heard that. Few weeks later I go to flaca's house and she's acting weird with me. I knew right there and then one of those 2 ladies must of said they saw something funny. Turns out she send her sister to ask me questions. Me and her sister are the same age and had been friends for yrs. Me and flaca's sister were friends. That’s how I meet Flaca. So she asked me If chulo has ever come on to me I hate to lie. I hardly ever lie. I'm know as the honest person. But I felt I had to. I feel like if I would of said yes she would of believe what those ladies probably had said. And trust me I've heard those ladies twist stories up so bad. These ladies can get someone killed that’s how bad they are. Mind you their in the 40ths. So yea I lied. But I stopped going there little by little. She would come to my house. Where's Eni. I would be like (Hi Flaca) she would be like You don't love me anymore Eni. Then she comes, out with, you don't love the twins any more. Then she told me once, “chulo’s been asking for you”. And that he doesn't let her leave the kids with anyone. I would laugh and just be like no it's that I'm really busy now. And that’s how it ended.

I just stop going. One thing I hate is gossip. I hate men who come on to women when their already with someone. I would never date a man who is Married or has a Girl. That’s just not my style. Let me go I wrote a lot of shit today I must of been bored. Till Next Time

5/10/04 - Monday 12:18 Am

I am fucking tired. I have been cleaning all fucking day today. I got rid of so much shit. Actually I didn't want to finish but when I thought I would have to do this in like a month anyways I figure I rather do it now then next month when it's hotter. I found some Journals I didn't even know I had from when I was in High School & 17 yrs old. I still can't believe how bad they were. I broke so much paper it's not even funny. Not my journal's. I got rid of so much that my top closet looks empty. I have a lot of space now. There was a lot of shit that I threw away that I don't know why I saved the last time I cleaned up. I'm tired. One thing I realized was that I haven't been writing on my journal book. I write on here every other day or so but, I forget to write in my other shit. I'm washing clothes right now. I still have a few things out I have to fix. Very few.

Speaking of Flaca in my last entry. My cousin just told me he had seen Flaca's daughter not to long ago. They say she's big. I bet she is. Last time I saw her was a few yrs ago. I wonder how the twins look. Those girl's were funny. I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired. Bye Bye

5/11/04 - Tuesday 12:18 Am

What's up. I saw that movie the 4 Feathers today. It was a good movie. That guy the one that's given the 4 feathers is cute. Oh yea I heard that Brazil is very torrid. They say when you go there first thing you want to do is cut your clothes or get new ones. Everyone who goes there never expects the heat to be that bad. They say they know if you been to brazil by how you dress when you get there. I already heard how it is and who ever is reading this well there you go if you ever plan on going to brazil. I know I plan to. Only thing that bother's me is the 12 hour flight. I already told these girls when we decide to go we have to wear barely Nada cause how hot they say it is over there. I hear it's really nice up there. Another place we might head to is Greece. Seen pictures it look's beautiful.

Oh that book I'm reading is fucked up. Well the girls has a fly as man with Good looks, Money, 9" etc... She loves him he loves her. they been together for 3 years. Turns out this girl gets to sleep with him and come's out pregnant. Which is was purposely, plan by her. He loves his girl but now this bitch comes out saying that she's pregnant and wants to marry him. His girl leaves him of course. Now he's being forced to marry her so they don't look bad. I guess what’s going to happen is that he's going to end up leaving the other chick and going back to the girl he loves. I do believe if some makes a mistake like that they should try to work it out. But I know that usually they don't last.

Like I know this guy he was messing with this chick and after 5/6 months of messing with her she came out pregnant. He tell's me he forced himself to try to do what was right. But he say's he barely knew the chick they only had been messing 5 months. It's true you don't know people sometimes after 2 years imagine 5 months. So he did what he had to do which I think was the Right Thing. I think when shit starts like that it end's just like that. He ended up breaking up with her of course. He said they lasted long cause he always felt like he had to do the right thing. But he say's he had to leave cause he wasn't happy. So I guess he realized he had to do what made him happy I don't know. Bad thing is he say's he has Baby Mama Drama now. Which I must say can be very perturb for the new girlfriend.

This is my thing:

I believe that a man shouldn't be forced to have a child. Damn I must say we have the POWER in our hands when it comes to shit like that. A guy just gets to sit there a see he's life changed right there and then. If you think about it that’s what females do. They Change a nigga's life right there in minutes. It's funny how at that moment the men don't have control of their own life's. They don't decide if their having a child or not the female does. To be honest they give the women that power when they decide to fuck them without Condoms. Cause come on if you don't want someone to have that power over your own life then just fucking use a condom. So if you don't use it don't Blame anyone but Yourself. Well that’s what I think. I do believe if you had fun fucking without condoms then have fun now Changing Diapers my man. Enjoy! Living La Vida Loca! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

5/13/04 - Thursday 1:10 Am

Whats up. Oh I forgot to write it down Tuesday. I already took off those 5lbs I was bitching about. That book I was reading Soulmates Dissipate didn't end like I thought it would. Well in a way. I thought they were going to end up staying together turns out he did leave the other chick. They lost the baby well triplets. He went back to this girl the one he loves but, she said she wanted to basically do her. It was good. I need to remember to buy a Mosquito Net. I don't want to get bitten in the wrong places if you get me. And it's starting to get hot. And when it get's real hot I like to sleep practically naked. Oh this guy called me 2 day's ago to remind me too go next weekend to his birthday party with my girl's. Till Next Time

5/16/04 - Sunday 10:48 Pm

What's up. My niece was here this weekend. She's big. And a funny adorable girl. Well she has a pretty strong character and she's a sweet heart for what I noticed. You know when kid's are baby's you can't really tell what kind of person or character their going to have. Now at least I see something. Before it was just like well she's a baby she doesn't know or you can't tell.

Well the whole thing about buying a house or condo came up again. My brother is upset cause he want's us out of the fucking block. He doesn't want us to live out here anymore. He get's upset. Sometime's he feel's bad cause he feel's like he moved up and left us here. What some people would call a Ghetto block. HAHAHAHA. Funny thing is I think I live in a nice area compared to other fucked up places. Thing is I don't want to move right now. I'm still young. When I'm going to settle down with my husband etc...Then I'll move. If I move right now is to a condo like I said numerous time's before. My brother think's a condo is a waste of money and that a house is better. Now yes I understand him. But I'm a single latina doing my thing right now. I'm not even in a serious Relationship. In fact I'm not in a serious Nada right now. The only thing I would like serious right now is a Serious Orgasm. And you know what I'm satisfied with that.

So anyway's he wants us to go up there. And right now I don't want to. I told my mother to make up her mind cause before my brother came this weekend the deal was for a condo. Then they get the talking and it changed to a house. I stood quiet in one corner on the chair gave my input a few time's then just stood silent. My brother's girl just looked at me a few time's and just smiled. She was like you don't want to move up there. I was like no. Everyone else could go I'm staying here for a while.

Only place I'm going to after this apartment is my condo after I'm done getting the money for it. And I'm buying it in NYC hopefully. Si Dios Quieres. Besides that I'm not ready for that move to a house with the big back yard for kid's to play. Helllooooooo where the fuck you see kid's at. In fact I can tell you right now I don't think I'm having any within the next 5 year's. I have to much shit I need to do..Let me stop talking CaCi Well at least for the next 3/4 yrs I really don't think I'm having any kid's. Well I Hope I don't have any right now. I love kids I want 3/4 of them. But if I have one it's going to hold me back on what I'm doing.

So now big chance my mami is going to buy a house up there. I'm staying here doing the whole business thing here with the girl's and hopefully everything will pay off. I may be taking it easy but I don't want to rush and land on my face. I'm a smart girl. Well a very Smart Latin Girl. And a Good Girl to top it all off.

Well I was going to call this week to inquire about the house but you know what since people change their mind's all the time I'm just going to leave it for next week and see if she still want's to go up there.

Well next topic.

My little brother tell's me that his girl doesn't want to have sex as much as she use to. He's funny he comes out and say's: Eni I gotten ass like 2/3 time's in like 3 week's. I was like why. He tell's me I don’t fucking know. I'm like well she loves him like crazy he know's where she's at all the time so it can't be a cheating thing. He's like nah that's not it. Then he tell's me that he think's is cause she gain a little weight and she's been complaining about it. I told him I hope he doesn't say anything to make her feel uncomfortable. He say's hell no. He say's he tell's her all the time that she look's beautiful and she still looks good. But she say's that he has to say that cause he's her man. Then again she tell's him it doesn't have anything to do with her weight. So he's like what the fuck is he suppose to think. Well I told him for one if it is her weight I doubt she's going to tell him it's that. Another thing I have heard that a lot. A lot of women don't want to have as much sex after they been together for a while.

Like in my case. I was with someone for 5 year's. I do believe after a while the sex changes and it even turns out to be a routine. You know when this is coming you know when that's coming etc.....Now I don't ever remember me not wanting to have sex . And the time's I do remember maybe saying no was cause I was all fucked up cause we been at it for a while or cause I was about to go out and didn't want to fuck up my shit or the 3 week's a women has to take for her body to rest and get back to normal especially if she's in a serious relationship and does have sex almost Everyday or every Other day or every Weekend. And trust me it's good for a women to take 3 week's off of sex. Come on when your in a serious relationship you have sex every time you guy's are together. Well actually no cause there's times when you go out to dinner then movie or club whatever the case may be and after that he takes you home and he goes home. So there’s no sex there. Well my point is the 3 week rest for a females body is good well actually needed.

For Example:

A Prostitute. They have sex all the fucking time. Now why is it that prostitutes have a certain look. If you notice a lot of prostitutes that been doing it for years have a certain body type. You can tell sometimes that their bodies look a little wasted. Now Not only prostitutes get that look any women who fucks every fucking day is going to get that look. She can be a wife and she’s still going to get that look. That's why it's good to take 3 weeks with no sex. unfortunately that’s how prostitutes make their money so it might be hard for them to take those weeks off.

Now people I got my info from my GyN doctor. And after she told me that It made sense to me. I don't know if it makes sense to you but you do as you please. Now I'm not sure if your suppose to take 3weeks off from sex every 6 months or at least 3 weeks once a year. So that I don't remember. Wow I have been writing a lot of shit. I must be bored.

5/22/04 - Saturday 10:08 Am

Whats up....yesterday I was talking to the girl's right and the subject of old friends came up. Now I have been curious on how an old friend of ours is doing.. One problem I thought about how I was with him when we were younger and I don't think I was very nice.. So I told this girl imagine I'm here wondering how is this guy doing and it turns out he hates me or dislikes me....Now if he does dislike me that would be fucked up how ever, like I told them I would understand...Now don't get me wrong I never was mean to him Intentionally. Well let me explain the relationship..

We all meet when we were about 12. Well I was 12 I was the youngest of them all. Everyone was 2 years older or more....Now let me just rename them since I don't want to put their real names

• My Ex Will Be Asshole.
• His Brother Is Going 2 B Dumd Ass
• They Guy I'm Mainly Talking About Is Going 2 b Pillow
• The Most Likeable Of Them All (Well 2 me) Is Going 2 b Domi

Well like I was saying after we had meet way back. Pillow had the biggest crush on me.. We were kids that's that little bullshit crush. Now the reason I say I wasn't that nice. This boy use to follow me everywhere. Always next to me. Leaning on me. Trying to hold my hand. Playing with my hair. staring at me which I couldn't stand. I use to be like what you looking at. He'll be like I think your real pretty etc..Now when ur young and you don’t like someone even if they tell you nice things you can't stand it. Everyone would be like pillow likes you. Go for pillow. I couldn't stand it. I remember one time we went to the Beach Orchard to be exact. It was me my best friend and her mom, my brother and pillow. I wanted to go walk around with my friend. I mean come on there was a lot of cute guys around. Turns out we tell my friends mom we're going to walk around. Pillow comes out of no where and stands up. Now we look at him like where you think your going. He was like: what. So we tell him you can't go with us we're going to chill for a while. He's like I know why you guy's are going it's cause you want to check out guys. So we were like yea and. You could come if you want a man. He comes out of nowhere and says “NiNi is not going anywhere” and that if someone tried to rap to me he was going to mess it up for me. Now being the age that I was I got so upset. We walked around mind you with this nigga behind us cause he wouldn't leave. Now I start to think in my immature little head that for the rest of my life this guy is never going to let me get a man cause he's always going to be there. Now I get upset so we go back to the sand where everyone was at. I tell My best friends mom that he won't leave me alone. Also that he said if I talk to someone he's going to mess up my shit.

Now my best friends mom tell him: Pillow Tu no Puedes tal atras de ella asi, She's not your girlfriend.

He was like so. So I go to my brother and tell him can you go to the water with pillow while I try to break out. My brother was like fine. So my brother gets him to chill by the water. So we got to do what we want but, after that he was heated.

Now that’s one of the reason I treated him a certain way. To me he was Suffocating. Now another time I was mean to him was when he jumped me and was kissing me like crazy. He wouldn't stop and because everyone was laughing and cracking up he kept on. He would come from behind pin my arms down and start kissing me..I was so fucking pissed off. That when I was able to get away I darted this old bart Simpson that was in the house right towards his forehead. Now you know I'm good at darting stuff cause if you read my dairy before you know what happened to my ex when I darted a game boy at his forehead. Now I did that and the doll did cut him. Now I remember feeling bad and everyone was like damnnnnnnnn. So I remember going up to him and saying sorry. I'm there touching his face cause I was checking out his cut. Do you believe this dude liked the fact that I was touching him and was concerned about him that he pinned me down again and did the same shit again. I got so heated everyone saw it and was like pillow leave her alone now she’s really upset. Now I don't think I was really mean to pillow but I know that I could of been nicer to someone that liked me. It was like an everyday thing with pillow.

Well the only people I think would probably know or understand what I'm saying and how I felt at the time are people that have had similar situations.

Well yea I was telling these girls that would be fucked up if he disliked me now. Another reason why I feel he could dislike me now is cause his best friend Asshole ended up liking me and we dated for a long time. Now I remember feeling uncomfortable when they told me pillow was coming over and he just found out that me and this guy were together. Now it was like ½ yr we didn't chill with pillow But, I knew he didn't want me to get with Asshole.

The first time he came around I really felt uncomfortable I didn't want to kiss Asshole in front of him Or even hug my man. Come on I know this guy for yrs and I know he always liked me and now I was dating his close friend. Mind you don't forget I was never his girl. So since I'm not a mean person I didn't kiss my man till later. Anyways after that he told my best friend he didn't care and that it bothered him at first but not anymore. Now I'm thinking ok it's cool then that shit is dead. Now one thing I didn't like which I noticed a lot was that when I would talk he would glance at me but then look to the floor and not at me. It's like he was listening to me but didn't want to look at me. He was cool with everyone else but me. Now I thought if he could forgive his best friend for getting with me why not me. I never was his girl.

So yea that’s the case with pillow. I was thinking imagine he dislikes me as a person. Come on there's old friends of mine that I can't stand anymore. So it is possible.

Oh yea the reason I gave him that little nick name Pillow was cause I use to dance for the guys all the time well we all did. So to bother Pillow I use to go up to him and start moving like crazy. Like he'll be in a chair and my friends would give me the eye like go bother him so I would go up to him and dance or just like moving my waist around going up to him. Which I know now what I was doing was Teasing Mind you at the time I did not know that I was teasing. I can swear on that. I just loved dancing and I knew I made him uncomfortable when I went up to him doing shit like that so I would. Now at the time I did not know why every time I danced he grabbed a pillow and placed it in front of him. Now I know that I was giving the boy a fucking boner every time I did shit like that to him. But I swear at those times I didn't think of shit like that. I just thought I made him uncomfortable and the pillow was he's way of like saying leave me alone. Which yea he probably was thinking that. Anyways if he does dislike me I'll deal with it. It's cool. He was a nice guy despite the fact he drove me nuts.

5/25/04 - Tuesday 6:52 Pm

Well today Rudy calls me to ask me a question. Now he call's and ask's me right off the back what happen with him doing the Mic CD for our show. Now I don’t lie to people I'm close to. So he tells me wasn't I suppose to do that for you. I said yea. And right when I was about to explain about me thinking it was a better idea if we went with someone else he come's out and say's: What Happen You Decided To Go With Someone Else. So I said yes. I felt very uncomfortable. Even though I don't really think he even gives a fuck but , I felt really Perturb. Come on he's my boy.

I asked him why he asked me that. He said no reason. Now I think he read it on here cause I did write it on 4/22/04.

I had written that I thought it was a better idea that we went with another person for personal reasons. I didn't think he had this page. Well who knows maybe he doesn't. It's that I know I wrote about it so that’s the only way I would think he would have gotten that idea to ask me.

Well one thing I noticed about him "that I'm starting to get the idea he does it on purpose" lately he's starting to irk me with some of his comments. I adore Rudy but, I think he bring's certain topics or just says things that are totally Irrelevant. I understand if it just comes up or if I ask him about a certain thing but it's like he makes sure he puts it out there. That's why now I think it's being done on purpose. He's lucky I don't retort in a bad way. To be honest I don't like callous people. And I strongly believe he's being callous when he does that. Well I haven't been calling him back because of that. Like today when he asked about doing the cd. He mentioned that I don't pick up my Phone and call him. I didn't want to get into it so I didn't mention it but I will sooner or later.

I know the time he called me to invite me to his party I had said something that probably gave him the wrong Impression. Which I regret. I tried to fix it so he understood exactly what I was trying to say but, I don't think he did, even though he said he know's where I'm coming from. I know for a fact he took it the wrong way. I can bet the last $100 in my purse right now that I know for a fact he thinks that I am. Well will leave it at that. I'm just hoping that’s not what he think's. One thing he has to remember is the day I asked him a question and he gave me the wrong answer. That there can tell him why that person would never have the same feelings for him again.

Just with that he should know.

5/27/04 - Thursday 11:17 Pm

What's up..I was speaking to my mami and she tell's me she bumped into this guy that use to live on my floor right in front of me. Now I don't know if it's a Latin thing "well it's not cause almost every parent does this" But I hate it when parents try to hook you up. Well in this case my mother didn't try to hook me up "And let me add it's cause he is taken already" but , she gave a comment that I hope I never do to my daughter. Which I know I'll probably will. Anyway's.

Their there talking today and my Mama Decides to tell him:

To bad my daughter didn't end up with you.

Mind you my mother is talking and she runs that sentence by so quickly like if I won't notice. Which I must admit it hit me after she was at the end of the second sentence. So after it registered I'm like (Ma what did you tell (Fause). She runs it by me again. I'm like (Ma why you said that). She's like he's a very nice guy.

*I'm like so*.

Then she come's and starts telling him I know your cousin use to like my daughter and use to try to get with her..When she said that I was like (No she didn't go there). Then she tell's him: Fause tell me the truth he use to bother her and try to get with her. So she tell's me that he laughed and said yea. So after he say's yea she tell's him (I asked my daughter but she never wanted to tell me cause she know's I don't like the fact that he was 8 yrs older then her.

My mami has an age thing if I was to date a 30 something year old she wouldn't like it. anyways.

I didn't like the fact she told him about his cousin cause I was the one that told her every time I come up the hallway he starts saying shit. I even told her every time I'm coming in the house he waits till I'm about to close the door so he can wink at me or give me this look. I am glad she didn't tell him about the time his cousin chased me to the train station on my way to work begging me to go on a date with him and when I said no he begged for me to at least let him drive me to work. Of course I said:

NO

So yea I find it Uncomfortable when she does stuff like that cause now when I do see him he's going to think my mother wanted me to be with him.

So he kept telling my mami that he hasn't seen me in a while. He said that he always wanted to stop and talk to me and the girls but it just never happened. I do remember always saying hi to him. He is cool people. Actually I wrote about him once on my 1st dairy. I was writing about how girls sometimes don't even give guys a second look or just a chance but once they see them with a girl then they see them differently. So yea I had written that I had done that myself. How I always saw *Fause* as just a nice guy and when I saw him with a girl I saw him completely different from then on. So Anyways he told my mother he would like to see me so we can talk. Which is sweet of him. I wouldn't want to bump into his cousin I can tell you that much. I think his cousin was conceited. Well he just thinks he's cute better yet knows he's cute. The last one I saw was he's cousin. That was at a MC' D's. I didn't even know he own that one as well. He tryed to get me to take the food for free but, I wouldn't. Which some girls right now I probably thinking this chick is dumb. Free Is Free.That's just not my style I guess. Well Let me go. Till Next.

6/6/04 - Sunday 2:14Pm

What's up...Well Vaca is coming soon..So now we're getting excited. We're trying to find out if we can do Crazy Wheel's from where we at. We are going to try to do the Jet-Ski's of course. I think we heard it's 10 minutes away.

My sister is moving to Connecticut. She’s doing school over there. My best friend is moving to her dad's so she can save money for this particular thing she want's. Which we all getting once school is done with.

My little brother gave me money to pay something for him. Turns out he called me to let me know it wasn't for yesterday. So I have to wait till he call's me to let me know when I have to pay it for him..He's getting a hot TV.

My cousin goes away to camp which is one of my perks during the summer.

Oh yea I remember I said once I was going to stop buying panties cause I have so many. Well I couldn't help it. I bought 9 more & these 3 pajama shorts which are cute from victorias. Also got these pink flip flops & 2 chemise pajamas & 2 bras. I have to stop. I really don’t think I can fix anymore panties in my drawer. Mind you I fold them in a way so they can fit nicely. I'm trying to think if there’s anything new to write. Oh yea I have my test on july 27 & 28 or is it 28 & 29 wait I think it's 20 & 21. Well at least I know I have a test. I'm just hoping I pass it. My sister has her test here before she goes to school in Connecticut. That’s about it for now. Till Next.

6/6/04 - Later On 3:30Pm

My Dream

Oh yea I forgot I had the weirdest dream...My dream was that my brother had called a # he saw on his cell phone that I had dialed. It turned out that the person he called was Victor. And that I was passing the room and heard him say (No Doubt Vic I see you on Friday). So I ask him who's was that he was talking to.

Then he tell's me: Oh it's a guy you use to talk to.

So I was like: what's his name.

He goes Victor.

And I was like why you talking to him & why You meeting up with him.

So he tell's me that he had called the # to find out who's # was it & that they started talking & it turned out that Vic was coming around to show the beat's and music he had and to see if they could collaborate on something.

So Then I was like: ( J ) please don't talk to him. I don't like him. I can't stand him anymore. Please ( J ) I don't like him he lied to me about everything.

So my brother tell's me: Eni this is business. I just want to see what he has and he's going to check out what I have. That's all. It's all business.

Then I started crying and telling my brother: ( J ) I beg you please don't talk to him. I can't stand him he's a liar. ( J ) please when you told me not to talk to your ex cause she did some foul shit I stopped talking to her. Please I don't want to have anything to do with this guy. Then I saw the paper where my brother had his # written and I broke it so he didn't call him back. But then I had told my sister that I need to call Victor back and tell him not to call my brother and to work with someone else and that, that was the least thing he could do for me after all the bullshit.

So Then I started saying: ( J ) look I'll hook you up with other guy's I know that are into music. Victor never was into music like that.

Then he tells me that Vic had told him that he just started to really take the music stuff seriously. So he just wanted to see what Vic had to offer. And that was it.

I remember crying like crazy telling my brother to please not to call him ever again. I was crying so much in that dream that when I woke up I felt worn out like if I had been crying for a while..You know when you cry a lot after you finish you feel worn like you can't cry anymore. Well that’s how I felt when I woke up. Don't know where the fuck that dream came from But, oh well.

6/14/04 - Sunday 11:14Pm

Well yesterday was the PR Parade. A lot of people there. There's a few thing's I wanted to mention on here which I haven't said. Well for one I'm learning Portuguese. Have been for like 3 month's now. My sister and I are going to be roommates for a month or so till she goes to school. My best friend's mom is moving in with her for a while. My little brother got that shit he wanted me to pay for.

I got to save $85 dollars when we decided not to get the Passports. I already packed a few thing's up for Vaca. I told my best friend that her friend Ana asked me to do a threesome with her and her boyfriend..Which I forgot to tell her and my sister along time ago. She was surprised this bitch went there. She asked me how..I told her that one day Ana told me that Jay been wanting to have a threesome. So that she wasn't sure about it. Then one day we was at a party. So all of us girls slept at Ana's house and John came mad late from a club and slept in the bed with Ana and I. So I felt very uncomfortable and went to the livingroom. I tried to remember if they were doing stuff in the bed while I was there. I think they were but I'm not sure. Anyway's I left the room went to lay down in the livingroom with who ever was there I forgot. To much girls that night. So she called me to the bedroom and started playing with my hair. Then she tell's me (John think's your pretty). I'm like thank you but, I'm also like oh man, no way. I remembered she mentioned he wanted a threesome. I was praying someone came in. And they got answered cause her sister came in then another girl and another. I was so HAPPY. Not like I wasn't going to say no if they didn't come in. It just made it easier for me.

I'm talking right now to my ex's Daughter yes people I did say daughter. He had her real young. She's older now. Time goes by so quickly. She asked me about me and her dad and what happened. I told her. She's a very understanding girl. Usually girls if you dated their dad and it's over they no longer like you. Not speaking from experience. Just for what I seen. To be honest this is the only guy I can say that I dated that already had a daughter that age when I meet him. When I first meet him and he said he had a daughter I was like damn then I said: Oh really how old I was expecting him to say 2/3/4 the most 5. And to think I was like heck no I'm not dating a guy with a kid older then some of my little cousins. Well I did. That’s what happens when you talk shit.

I mean who really wants to date someone with kid's. You usually want someone with no attachments. Even if I don’t like the fact that the guy has a kid I still get to know him cause you never know. I do prefer without. Then I think if I had a kid would a guy actually think you know what let me get to know her. Well a lot of guys do but, a lot don't.

I remember once I meet this guy who had 2 kid's. Well let me just say the story.

Me being nice I was like let me not judge and come out and say: Listen I have to go. I spoke to him. Then he ask's me do you have any kid's. I was like: NO. He goes good. So Since I always have something to say I told him what does that (Good) mean. He goes I don't like talking to girl's that have kid's and don't have their shit together. So I told him if I had a kid you would walk. He was like yea. I was like oh I see. So I'm thinking damn this guy must have his shit together. I wait a little then ask him do you have kid's. He come's out with yea 2 beautiful kid's a Boy & a Girl.

I'm like you know what I'm switching this shit on him. I was like oh I see. So I started looking else where. So he was like what happen ma it bothered you that I said I have 2 beautiful kid's. I was like sweetie look I bet you do have beautiful kid's but that didn't sound beautiful to my hears. He was like oh that's foul. He was like you know it's wrong to judge someone just like that. Then of course he was like I could make you the happiest girl ever you don’t know that. So I was like wait you wouldn't date someone with a kid. Then he goes no that's different. I told him no fucking way it's different. Anyway's he ended up leaving before he goes he say's: you know what: (You Taught Me A Beautiful Lesson). I was like I hope I did. He came back I forgot for what. I ended up telling him it didn't bother me that he had kids I just wanted to teach him a lesson. Then he was like cool. Can I have Your #. I was like Nah one thing I don't like is cocky niggas. And with that comment that you don't date chick's with kids cause they don't have their shit together. That showed me your cocky Till Next Time.

6/17/04 - Thursday 10:24Pm

What's up...I just realized today that I don't like anyone. That's crazy. I'm in the kitchen fixing the string to my cell's charger, I have my snapple in one hand and it just hit me I don't like anyone. I have noone to look forward to See/Talk/Laugh/TellMy Wack/Dumb Jokes to.

So that's why I came on here to vent. Well it's really no big deal. I was just surprised. Didn't realize it.

Was talking to my niece today. She was talking about the drawings she did on her chalk board. My brothers girl was telling me she read's to her care bears. I thought that was so cute. I might go up there not sure. We were just thinking that when we get back from DR we should go up there 2 day's later and stay for a week.

Oh yea I can't watch any Porn anymore. I have my window mad open threw out the whole summer so if you go across the street from me you can see my TV since it's up on the wall. And trust me I don't want anyone to be like oh shit Eni is watching Porn HAHAHA. Fuck No! So no Porn till winter. I'm funny. Well that's all I have for today. I thought I had more guess not. That Sucks. Till Next

6/23/04 - Wednesday 1:09Am

Boa Noichi E Boa Manya. Uma gia esta quente E uma gia esta frio. Well What I was saying in Portuguese is: That's it's a good Night or Morning. How ever you want to call it since it is after 1 Am. Also said that lately: One night it's hot and one night's is cold. Like today I think it might be cool. Last night it was.

I have this white robe I got today. I have to deposit a my shit tomorrow. My sister stood over last night. I watched that movie Monster. Sad movie.

Oh Yea there is this show called the Ashley Simpson Show on MTV. Now I was watching the show and I saw the cutest White Boy. Now the reason I mention it is cause I'm not into white boy's like that. Now This Guy I think Is very, very, Cute. Now like I told my girl if they had those kind oh boy's around here that would be fun but, they don't. We were laughing cause we said in order to find those cute ones you have to go to like Nabaska or Ohio or even Texas probably to find them. So yea I thought that guy Ashley's boyfriend was a real cutie. To bad I don't get attracted to white boys like that. Well only the ones I seen on TV. And for the record No I'm Not Racist. I just never been attracted to the one's I came across. Sad I know. Till Next Time.

6/23/04 - Later On 11:52Pm

My Cousin Left to camp today. We had an argument before he left. Then right when he left out the door he came back said bye to my little cousin then he gave me the hand to say bye. I thought he was to pissed to give me the hand. I thought that he was going to mumble bye from far. He didn't.

Oh yea my sister was talking about this guy that she use to see. Now she tell's me she doesn't want to tell me what he said cause she even feel stupid saying it. So I was like what you talking about. She say's he gave her an excuse on why he didn't call her for a long time. So I started laughing. I told her look if you saying it makes you laugh and you feel stupid that mean's that you don't even believe what he said yourself. Then she say's I don't but, you never know. So of course we started laughing. Anyway's I called her today to see what she was doing she tell's me that she was suppose to chill with him today. Turn's out he called her and canceled. She's trying to find out if he's seeing someone else. Which she say's it's no big deal cause she's leaving in a month anyway's. So yea I did tell her: Oh yea you should really find out if he's seeing someone Cause hey he might be

(In a relationship with some chick that he knocked up after knowing her for only 5 months)

and going around saying he's not seeing anyone and doesn't want any kids. Also saying his working 2 job's that's why he can't pick up his phone when you call. Then He'll call you up late at night and say: (Baby Can I Pick You Up Now).

HAHA Men. Can't live with them can't live without them. Till Next Time.

6/25/04 - Friday 3:56Pm

Well yesterday I get this Im - Instant Messager from this guy. Now he small talked. Now his main reason I think he im me was to let me know he doesn't like Spanish Girls & that Spanish Girl's are Ghetto. I'm just writing to the point not giving you the convo. So after he said that I just put the little LOL and said BYE. Didn't say a thing. Good thing is he left me alone and didn't im me over and over.

Now why would you go out your way to IM someone to say something like that. Well I don't think I'm ghetto. I don't think all Spanish girl's are ghetto. Now I do believe when living in NYC you might pick up a little ghettoness. Depending where your from. Now for someone to sit there and judge everyone the same you have to be pretty Ignorant. Well this is the thing I checked his profile cause my friend told me to check it. We think his a white boy. So I'm like wow you have to be fucking bored to go out your way to IM someone for that. Then it hit's me. I did write something about white boys. Now I didn't write anything bad. I just wrote that I never been attracted to the one's I came in contact with. It does not mean I don't like them. I even wrote in that same entry that I found a white boy real cute but it's not often that I do. Anyway's I just think it was stupid. I had to put it up here.

Oh yea my little cousins friend keep's bothering me. He's a funny boy. He's 19yr old. He tell's me over the phone that why don't we chill together. I tell him I'm busy for the weekend. Then he keep's on. Then he tell's me that to make me feel safe my little cousin could go with us. I started laughing. I told him even if I was bored out of my ass I wouldn't go with out my cousin, his friend. I told him he's the funniest friend my cousin has. Then he tell's me fine he'll hook me up with his older brother. I'm like sweetie I'm not going cause I think I'm going with you only. I'm not going cause I'm busy this weekend. Anyway's he's a nice kid. He told my little cousin that why doesn't my cousin want to hook him up with me. My cousin was like she think's we're little kids. He's like damn she's not that older then me. My cousin was like yo forget it. Then This boy has the nerve to tell my cousin Yo (M) You Just Don't Want To Come In Your House And Find Me In My Boxers Right. My cousin started laughing. Then he tell's him yo (M) I'll send you to Cook for us don't play. That was funny.

My mother is taking my little cousin (I) to the movies today. If you noticed I only put the Initial of peoples name. Well of my family only.

I'm hungry. I love Pizza. I love eating Pizza with French Fries. Well I like the French Fries with Ketchup and BBQ sauce crazy I know. Then I put the Fries In the pizza. It's mad good. Love it. Try It You Might Like It. Let me go this girl is on her way. OH shit I was suppose to call this guy today. This is the second time I forget to call him. Well I can still call before she get's here. Till Next Time.

6/28/04 - Monday 1:53Pm

What's up. My sister moved in already. I have been calling my little cousins school since Friday, cause he has to go to summer school. Still haven't spoken to the Dean. I have to call back at 2Pm today. In a few basically. School, School, Shit I just want to know if I'm actually going to pass that test. I have not been studying.

Let me call his school. Bitch tell's me to call back in a half an hour. See what I do. I just called that lady a bitch. Which I don't mean to actually call her personally a bitch. Just my way of speaking I guess. Which I know it's not nice what so ever. That lady was very sweet to me. I think it's that I curse a lot. On the other hand I don't think I curse much. No Fuck that, yes I do. It's funny how you change your ways of speaking according to your surroundings. Trust me in front of people I watch my mouth. Well that’s how it should be.

I had a dream that I was in school but, that all the girls from my Jr. High School were there. I haven't seen any girl's from my Jr High School In Years. Last one I saw was this girl named Jenny. I was on my way to a Party with my sister, best friend, and some other girl's. I was walking and I see this girl with a kids in a carriage like 3/4 yrs old. Mind you I was like 18/19 at the time. So I see her and she was like:

Eni

I'm like oh shit Jenny. So I gave her a kiss hello.

So I asked her how she was doing. She said fine. So I thought since the baby in the carriage looks about 3/4 yr old I didn't think it was her's. So I asked her

That's your sister?

She goes no. My daughter.

I was in shock to be honest. I was like Awww She so cute. She said Thank You. Then she asked me

You don't have a baby?

I was like No I Don't

Then she goes for real. I'm like thinking no for fake bitch.

Then, she say's wow almost all the girl's we went to Jr High with have baby's some have 2 already. I was like: Wow Get Out.

So I was like Jenny let me go cause these girl's are waiting for me. So I asked her:

where your going? she said: My Baby's Fathers House.

All I can say was oh ok. Then I said you should go from up the block it's dangerous around here. She goes no I only have to walk 2 more blocks. I was like oh ok. Then she goes well you to. I was yea I know but I'm only walking 2 blocks and I'm with 5 girl's your alone with a baby. She goes: True. Then she ask's me: Where Your Going.

I was like: Oh A Party.

She said oh ok and that was the last time I ever saw that girl. Now I hate seeing people from Jr High. Mind you if I want to see them all I have to do is walk a few blocks down and I'll start seeing them one by one. Which trust me I don't.

Now talking about girls I don't like seeing. Now there are these girls from my Next Block that I can't stand. Now let me just say I have known them for years. There is this one girl which is like 12/13 years older then me she's the main one that can't stand me. Now for the record I never looked at this girl wrong. Well until later on.

So yea this bitch has had it for me ever since I was 14 years old. 14! You believe that. How can you be in your 20's and dislike a 14 yr old. I was a nice girl. If anything I tried to be real nice to those girls cause they were older. Now the other girls were about 2 to 3 years older then me.

Wait let me name them.

The oldest of the crew which I believed hated me the most

• La Maricona

  Her sister the one I danced with

• Doggi

  The bitch from down the block with the big Forehead

• Frente

Those are the main one's.

So Yea (La Maricona) Had it out for me. Now every time I would pass threw the block this bitch would stair at me up and down. And it was more like a bitch say something look. Now I would look at her and just smile and change my face. Now I wasn't smiling at her. My smile was more like your pathetic. Now I remember when I would be walking to the store and they were all together coming my way they would just stare at me with there serious faces. Now a lot of times I would not even look their way. I just looked straight ahead. Worst thing was sometimes when I was with my mom they would stop to speak to my mom cause everyone thinks my moms is a Sweetheart. Sorry No. Everyone knows my mom is a sweetheart. Now when they would talk to my mom I would walk away a little and let them talk. Then I hear my mom saying you guys don't say hi to my daughter. These bitches would come out their faces and be like:

She never says hi to us.

My mom would be like Eni why don't you say hi to them. So I look at them like you have to be kidding me. Anyways after that years later they tell my mom the same thing. Of course I'm like don't even fucking try that shit we're not little kids. I would tell my mom they don't like me and that’s that. One was like no Eni you know I say hi to you. I was like yea when your alone. So I was like anyways listen I have to go to work this is little kid shit. Gave my mom a kiss and left her talking to those bitches.

Now, La Maricona, was talking to my mom once and this bitch was giving me the worst look ever in front of my mom. it was so bad that my mom was like: Wow why you looking at my daughter like that. She was like oh no I was just thinking. I came out and said about what killing me. Everyone was laughing. Trust me it was a bad as look. I mean her eyes got small and she was staring without taking her eyes off of me. Mind you my mom is talking to her and she was looking at me.

Now this is the thing till this day these girls still don't like me. Now I still have not done anything at all to them. If I get off the train and walk home they still give me that I Hate You Look. I rather take the other train which is down the block instead just so I don't have to see those people. Now Don't get me wrong I'm not scared of them. I just don't like them as well. And I rather ignore them. I do think it's sad that an older women still has something out for me and till this day I don't know what it is..Now you know what, If I ever get to be around them or someone I know speaks to that bitch and I'm there I'm going to ask her What the Fuck Is Her Problem With Me. Cause Shit I would like to know. And she better not give that You Think You All that Bullshit. Cause that’s what every girl says about a girl she doesn't like. I mean come on how many girls tell guys I don't like that girl and when the guy ask's why all they can say is cause she think's she’s all that.

Come On That’s That Bullshit.

I know that can not be the case with this Maricona cause you know what she has hated me since I was 14 and I was a sweetheart at 14. Not that I'm not anymore cause I still am but, no that's not it. Some people tell me that the reason everyone in the next block hates me is cause of this one guy from this area which everyone liked him at the time. Which sometimes I think imagine that’s it. But come on I walk there now and it's the same shit same looks so that can't be it. Anyways I'm not one to hate people but, you know what I can't stand those girl's I won't say I hate them cause hate is a strong word but I really dislike them. Let me call My little cousins school again. Sorry I decided not to mention Doggi & Frente. Till Next Time.

6/29/04 - Tuesday 5:57Pm

What's Up. I forgot to mention the book I was reading.

The Other Women.

Was real Good. I lend it to my girl and she liked it as well. Right now I'm reading Milk In My Coffee. I haven't been into that one as much. (V) Is coming to pick up some Money. I bought my sisters blue purse today. I looked at it twice wanted to make sure I picked the right one she told me. Couldn't help it I got myself another purse. Pink and White. Cute. Small.

Do you believe I called my little cousins school like maybe 10 times already. I have to call back tomorrow. Thing is this lady tell's me to call back in a hour that she'll have the info for me but, come on I get caught up doing other things as well u know. Yes I forgot to call. Like I called her today at 1Pm Spoke to her she tell's me: sweetie call back at 2Pm. That she'll have it by then. I call they put me on hold. Then all of a sudden the phone hangs up. So I call back and this other lady tells me she'll be back in 10Minutes. Hello I'm going to be doing something else in 10 minutes. Now let's see if tomorrow we can get this over with.

Rudy called me last night at 1:15Am. He was bitching about his girl saying something fishy to him. I told him not to break up with his girl. I want to meet her. Why? I don't know.

Wow people. I don't like anyone right now. Crazy. I was thinking the other day who was the last person I liked. Then I remembered. But I don't even like the last person I liked right now. Can't stand him. Hate Fucking Fakers/Liars/Bullshiters/ I think .....Have to go

Sorry - Later On

I had to get off real quick yesterday. I don't even remember what I was going to say when I wrote (I think). Well to bad. But Going back to the last thing I wrote. So yea I don't like liars.

07/01/04 - Thursday 11:20Pm

What's up. I forgot to call his school today so there goes another day with no Info. My sister was telling me last night that at work this weird man came in and started acting crazy. She said she went up to him and asked him: How may I help you?. And he just came out and said: Do You Sell Pussy. She said she just stepped back and looked at him. And he got louder and repeated, Do You Sell Pussy. She freaked out couldn't move. She said she was the one female manager there. There was this one guy that looked cause he heard the man but didn't do/say anything. And the man kept on, Do you sell pussy here? Yes Or No. Then that's when the owner of the store came from the back and the man left. She said she was mad scared. He came in with no shirt to. Looking all Crazy. Not Good.

Oh yea I had a big talk with Rudy yesterday. Cleared a lot of shit. Laughed like crazy. So now we can move on and he can do our mix CD's for our show's. Hopefully. Oh yea turn's out a friend of mine who is a Doctor has a girlfriend that is a Teacher at my little cousin's school. Very small world. Who would of known that my friends girlfriend is my cousin's Spanish Teacher. My little cousin was telling me that everyone dislikes her in that school. Even some Teachers. Who knows.

I was talking to my niece yesterday. She would talk to me then tell me Titi hold on. I'm like ok. Turn's out she was cleaning her room. She's only 2 Yr's old. Then my brother's girl tell's her: Look that's Titi on the computer. She goes: Oh No. Titi is on the phone. So I tell her that is me mama. So she stay's quiet. I'm like mama I'm going to throw you a kiss ok. She say's ok. So I throw her one from the computer. She started laughing. She loved the little kitty on the computer. She made me do that, I think for about 4/5 minutes no lie. She kept saying: Do it again TiTi. I'm going there for a week after my vaca in DR. The girl's are going with me as well. We are going to drive my brother crazy. He's going to want us out of there. Well not me. But when us girl's are together it's none stop talking.

I feel sorry for my Husband. Cause when all the girl's want to come over, their coming over. Till Next Time

7/4/04 - Sunday 4:05Pm

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY

..Well turn's out my mom this morning went down stairs to see a friend of hers which passed by. She decided to take the Cell Phone with her. 4 Hours later she realized she left the phone down stairs in the front entrance. Of course it was gone when we went to check. So I had to call disconnect that cell phone. First lady I spoke to she disconnected it. Then I had to buy a new phone etc....but, when I called the cell phone back after I spoke to her it was still connected. She thought that since I am going to receive my phone in 2 days that I wanted it still on. Mind you I made it clear I don't want anyone to be able to make phone calls. I guess it was just a miss understanding in both parts. So of course I had to call back to disconnect it again. So now it's off. Like if I would like for that person to enjoy the phone. Fuck Noo!

Thing is we tried calling the phone back. The person picked up but, then would listen and hang up. After a while he/she just stopped picking up the phone. See I thought that if we called the person I would be able to get the phone back. Guess not. Mind you, you know how many times I find cell phones and I give it back. Even wallets. Come on it's not your shit to keep. And to think I always say. I hope that if I ever lose my shit someone would return it.

Then I thought who wants someone else's cell phone?

• Maybe someone with no cell
.

Which it's weird cause everyone and their grandmother has one now a days. Then I thought

• A kid

There you go it has to be a little kid in the block. But there’s nothing we can do now. I just told my little cousin just to check around and see if anyone talks about someone finding a cell phone. Not for the cell phone but, for the Numbers In It really. There’s #'s my mother has in there that she needs.

Oh yea I broke my silver chain that my best friend gave me for Christmas. I thought I felt like a bug on me so when I flinched cause I thought it was on my neck I broke my chain. Sad I know. So I am wearing the one my Grandma gave me now. Which is real pretty. Well today is BBQ day for everyone. It is the 4th Of July. Well that's it I guess.

7/7/04 - Wednesday 12:56Pm

What's up....Do you believe yesterday I cut 2 of my finger's real badly. With a Staple. My middle Finger is the worst one. The staple went in then sliced the fuck out of the finger and went on to the next. Well my other finger is not that bad. I just finished cleaning them right now. Put new bandages on of course. But I'm ok. It could be worst.

My little cousin is going to High School now in September. I'm loving it cause now he has to work for his grades. No more I don't have Homework today. No of that you passed class cause you behave good. Nope No more my man. High School is way different you don't get passed cause you go every day. I'm loving it. Can't wait to see how he does. I remember coming home and being tired having to do Homework. And when I was done they had to wake me up to eat dinner cause I was knocked out already. I remember when I would knock out after School and wake up at 7/8 Pm and think it was the next morning. Then they tell you it's only 8pm and your mad happy just cause it's 8. Priceless Memories Till Next Time

7/12/04 - Monday 3:57Pm

What's up. I put Olive oil in my hair yesterday. I heard it was good for hair. Now I left it on for a few hours. For some reason I feel my hair was Dryer after I shampooed and conditioned my hair and let it air dry. I did like how it made my hair feel. But not feeling how dry it came out. So today I'm putting Mayonnaise in my hair. That was my first choice but, then I heard about the olive oil. So when I'm done here I'm putting mayo in my hair..

I didn't want to do it at first cause I wouldn't want to smell that shit in my hair. But, I guess I have to do what I have to do. Hopefully that work's better for my hair. I will do the oil olive thingy again.

Oh yea I found out that when someone is looking for a Latina, Diary/Journal like on a search engine well it depends on which engine as well but, yea my site is the first one that pop's up. Which I thought was pretty Cool.

I was reading something I wrote like 3/4 years ago when I was InLove. Pathetic. Well It wasn't really bad. It was just 4 word's that I said but, shit you can feel the love from just those 4 word's. I just find it pathetic cause it was just 3 years ago you know. Maybe 2/3 more years from now I will find it funny. So for now I'll just call it Pathetic. Till Next Time.

Later On - 7:22Pm

Well I did the Mayonnaise thing to my hair. It felt nasty putting it on. Didn't smell as bad as I thought it would have. As for the result's: Well I think it's softer. That's all I noticed for now. I'll try it a few times see if later on I can notice the difference. I'm eating Lipton Soup for dinner today. You know when you just get those cravings for things. Well mine is soup today.

Yo I haven't seen my cousin (My) in like a year. That's crazy. Then again I don't call her. She doesn't call as well. Last time I spoke to her they changed her job location. She use to work around my way so after work she'll come to my house and chill a while. After she started to work else where of course she couldn't come up here it's like going completely out of her way. So yea it's been a while.

Oh yea my best friend passed right by her cousin today and didn't stop her to say what’s up. They have a weird relationship. She said she saw her kid and that he looks big. Her cousin didn't notice her cause she was looking at her son when this girl passed by them.

Oh yea I decided to take my Diary/Journal "what ever you people want to call it" book to my best friends house when I go on vacation. Just in case.

Got the new Cell Phone. It's not that bad looking. I like how it glows in blue. Of course noone tried to call back to give back the phone. Which we figured that once we noticed that they didn't want to speak when we called the phone. A lot of Sad people out there. Till Next Time

7/14/04 - Wednesday 3:12Pm

What's up..I actually had a dream of a guy I just meet like 2 day's ago. I never have dream's of people I don't really know. Well except for Celebrities.

Oh yea I have 2 Luggage packed for Vaca already. The reason I have to is cause the first one is for DR. The second one is for my 2 week Vaca. The thing is when I get back from DR I get to chill for 2 day's & the 3rd day I'm out again to my second Vaca. I'm not good with packing shit in 2 day's. I'll end up forgetting alot of shit if I was to do that. That's why I already packed some shit in the other Luggage. I still have to take some stuff I'm taking to dr with me. I just have to wash them the day after I get back so I can take it with me. Well let me stop. I'll right again later if I remember anything. Till Next Time

7/15/04 - Thursday 7:25Pm

What's up. I'm so Fucking Irked right now it's not even funny. The person who happened to irk the shit out of me was my best friend. I did not like a comment she gave. I can't stand when I let someone get to me like that. That only happens maybe once a year that I let someone boil my blood to that level. It had to be her to. I can't stand that shit. I actually was going to call back to change the whole plan but, I stopped myself. If I would have opened my mouth I would have had to keep my word even if next week I am no longer upset and had regret changing it.

But because I really want the plan to go the way it's suppose to I didn't say anything. Plus I might be boiling right now but in an hour I might not be upset anymore.

I have to say I am a stubborn person. If I say I'm not doing something I won't. Even if I'm not upset anymore. Being stubborn sometimes is a bad thing. That’s one of the bad things about me. Another one is how I can't stand it if someone tells me not to do a certain thing. I can't be told what to do. Which is bad cause I always have to prove to you that noone but I tells Eni what to do or not to do.

Look at me this bitch got me so upset that I'm actually here pointing out bad things about myself. Well not cause of this bitch. I just realized how stubborn I am cause I was about to do something I did not want to but, was going to just to fuck the whole shit up. Not a good thing. I'm actually Happy I didn't say shit. I did call her in a sarcastic way and told her let's do shit how you want. Also said:

What’s the Appropriate time we should go (V).

I was just waiting for her to start mentioning times to leave. The thing is that there is only one good time for us to go. (J) could only pick us up at a certain time that’s why I was waiting for her to mention other times so I can tell her we can't do it at that time.

Fucking bitch. Freaking pissed me the fuck off.

I only get this mad like I mentioned before once a year. Very rare people get to me like that.

Anyway's I took a test called:

Why Are You Single?

My Answer Was:

Whether you're working all hours, busy with school, or planning a cross-country move, it sounds like you just don't have time for anyone else in your life...right now, that is. Your timing may be off in other aspects, too. Chances are, you've met that perfect person who just so happens to be married or planning their own cross-country move. So take a step back for a moment. Is there something underlying this? Could it be you're afraid to get involved for some reason or another, and are therefore attracted to people who are simply unavailable?

Funny but I think it goes well. I actually thought that the last sentence about me being attracted to someone unavailable was BullShit. But it might just be true..That guy I meet 2/3 days ago. (Issues)And Semi Taken. The whole I haven't seen her in a month but it's over I'm not dealing with that. Not my style. I don't want to influence anyone decision either. I don't want to think that one day someone can say:

I didn't go back with this person cause I started liking you so I chose you but, if I would have never meet you I probably would still be will her.

No fucking way.

I always rather be The Girl they regret leaving then the girl they regret staying with. Till Next Time.

7/19/04 - Monday 12:52Am

What's up. Fucked up my knee. But I'm good. My niece has this habit that she'll talk to me on the phone then put the phone down and play with her toys. The thing is I have to scream at her from the phone and when she pick's it up I ask her to put Daddy on and she says no. Then when my brother does take the phone she starts crying cause she wants to talk. The thing is she wants me to hear her playing with her toys but she doesn't talk. She's a funny little girl.

I'm not writing for a while cause of

Vacation Baby!

But before I go on my second Vaca I'll write on here. So Till Next Next Time.

7/20/04 - Tuesday 5:52Pm

What's up I know I said I wasn't going to write cause I'm out to Vaca but I had to write cause some shit freaked me out...Yesterday I was reading some girls profile online. Now the scary part was when I saw her picture...This chick looked Identical to me..When I saw that it scared the shit out of me that I had to minimize the pic quickly..I went called my mom and told her to come to me that she need to see this..When she was walking my way I told her:

(Ma I just saw a girl that looks Identical to me)

. First thing out of her mouth was well there’s a lot of people that Look Alike Nena. So I go popped the girl's pic up. My mother word's were Oh My Gosh.

My mothers hair stood up.

It felt crazy to see someone who looked like me..I'm not talking about just a little here and there I'm talking about twin's here. I even showed my sister. All she said was Oh Shit That’s Freaky. Well we I got to see the pic bigger, and that’s when we noticed that the features were different...I have Fuller Lips. And the girl has a rounder face I think that’s what my mother said. I had to make sure this girl had something different from me. I kept saying: So you can tell now it doesn't look that much like me. They were like yea now we can. So yea it was weird seeing someone that looked like me...Well the word is more like Freaky. I wrote to the girl. That’s some crazy shit..Well Now I won't be writing until I get back from vaca....Till Next Time.

Later On

Turns out the girl that looked like me is only 17yrs old

08/01/04 - Sunday 11:27Pm

You Never Know What Could Happen

Well I know that everyone probably think's I am Vacationing right now in DR. Well I'm Not. On Thursday 7/22 I had gotten this weird pain around 9Pm. I was pacing around the house trying to hold the pain. Also wondering where the fuck is this pain coming from. So I tried to lay down it just got worst. I felt like my back was going to Burst. So at 3Am I decided I can't take it anymore I'm going to take a shower and go to the Hospital. I get there it's 4am. I go explain to the Doctor my problem. He tell's me there going to give me a Ultrsound/Sonogram don't know if it's the same thing or not. If their not I think I had both done. If it's the same thing well then I had two thing's that are similar to that. Well They ended up giving me these blue pills which I call my HAPPY PILLS now. So the pain calmed down. Later that night this cute Doctor comes to me explains to me that something is blocking my Liver from functioning correctly and that I need to get operated within 24 hours. Now I didn't cry right there and then. I know he saw in my face I was confused. Cause I really just thought that my pain had to do with some gas probably really.

So he starts to draw on the blanket how the operating should go. I payed close attention of course. So he tells me call your mom we need to transfer you to another hospital that is going to do the operation. I go call my mom. For what was that I started crying couldn't get my words across and to pass the phone to my cousin (I) so he can tell her. Then I spoke to her and she was going to meet me in the other hospital. I go back to my bed.

Now I start feeling dizzy. I know it had to do with me just getting that shocking news. I tried to calm down. So I'm there waiting for them to transfer me to the new hospital. This guy comes I'm all red from crying on and off. So he goes come on jump on the bed. Mind you the bed is like mad high up. So I look at him and I'm like You serious. He goes yea jump. So I'm like I can't jump up there. So then he starts smiling and that’s when I knew he's fucking with me. So he brings down the bed and helps me onto the bed. After I get on the bed he takes my purse and puts it on his elbow. I started laughing. I told him: It actually looks good on you. He goes yea I know right. So It felt good to laugh since I had been crying most of the time there.

So after that he pulls me to his partner which was this Spanish girl. Very nice and pretty women. We stood talking the whole time till we got to the other hospital. She was telling me about her job. And the stuff she's seen. And how this crazy nut was masturbating one time and she was grossed out and ran to the front of the ambulance. She said that what makes her job fun was the guy she works with. Which I could imagine cause he made me laugh as soon as I meet him. So yea those 2 that transferred me were mad cool.

Now once I got to the hospital 5 minutes later I got to speak to my brother on the phone I was crying like crazy he was trying to calm me down. And telling me he has been there when those operations have been done to other people. Those of you know that’s my brothers job field besides he's music. So I hang up and the Nurse walks in. She's like: Sweetie Why You Crying, Don't Cry. She's tells me not to be scared etc...My mom and sister walks in. I'm still crying. Then My best friend calls saying she's leaving work to come to the hospital. My little brother was on his way.

So I had to have the operation done that Friday 7/23.

Well I'm going to stop here cause there’s a lot to write. I will continue on this same entry next time.

Later On:

So yea I had the operation done. This one girl was real nice. I think she was a student. Anyways Came out of operation. Turns out my family was up there waiting for almost 4 hours. Which I didn't even notice it took so long. Once I came up everyone said hi and like in 30mins they had to leave which sucked. Let me try to speed this story.

So Yea I stood at the hospital for 1 week. My family came visited everyday. I had them laughing they had me laughing. Which was painful for me cause I couldn't laugh. It hurt so bad. The cute doctor I saw in the first hospital came to this hospital. Oh yea one thing I hated was that every time my doctor would come check up on me the whole crew came. So not only I had him looking at me there was 4 other young doc's and 2 other female doc's there. All young.

I couldn't get up from the bed it was hard for me. I had to lift the bed all the way then try to get up from there.

Oh yea I forgot to mention I had a doctor have to put her finger up my ass in the first hospital. Fucked up right. I started laughing when she said she had to do that. I laughed cause I had told my cousin that he needed that done to him. But it didn't hurt or was uncomfortable. She didn't really go in. It was just I guess something stupid she had to do. Now if she had to be all up in there that would have pissed me off.

My little brother left his Laptop in the hospital one night. I was able to play Super Mario Brothers and Donkey Kong. This one guy who would bring the food was like damn that shit is hot. Cause my brother does have a hot one. He was kind of cute.

So the best thing was that while I was in the hospital I had this big as room but only I was in it. I had no room mate. Yet

Turns out on the following Monday I had to get the second part of my whole thingy done. Which I think was the worst one. I got worst after that. They had to put this camera down my throat. People that shit is painful. This lady there was talking to me. She goes:

Wow your in your 20's no kids doing school first. Your one of the smart ones. I was like yea I guess.

Another lady comes in then the doctor who was going to do the shit. He sprayed some shit in my mouth then killed me. Very painful.

Anyways till this day I'm still trying to figure out how did they get me off that bed and into my bed. Maybe that explains the weird scratches all over my back.. Who knows...I'll stop here.

Continuing....

Lets skip to my new room mate at the hospital. Well one day I'm there in pain and I see this bed get rolled up next to my room and I'm thinking I hope it's not a roommate.....Yes it was.

Turns out to be this old Spanish lady. Which I happen to like now. And actually who leaves 2 blocks away from me. My mami knows her for years. My mom gave her a kiss and stood talking to her. She said she was happy that it was with me the roomed her with and not anyone else...That was sweet. I actually like the fact she was my roommate as well. Well they roll her in. At first I'm like fucking great. (Remember I have no idea who she is yet).Then a whole posse comes in. Yes her family. Mad ghetto and loud.

I thought my family was loud.

But I do know my family has more class and respect. These people knowing I'm next to her and could be sleeping they are still fucking loud as hell. So they had like 3/4 little kids in the room fucking screaming..Not once did I hear a parent say something like (quiet down).

Next day I wake up I help the old lady with her breakfast cause these people put her food next to her but she can't even reach it. So I go help her, bring it close to her open some things for her. Tell her what’s for what. Asked her if she was ok. She said yea. I remember when I was crying in the hallway cause I had gotten real bad pain at one point she kept telling me :Nena bien no Llores.

I told her crying, It hurts...I was a baby that day..HAHA

Well she does have 2 grandsons that are cute..Well actually their brothers. The oldest one is the cutest. He has a daughter 2 yrs old. which I was playing with. She is so cute and friendly. I had to be passing around everyone in my hospital pajama. Very unattractive. But when your in pain you don't give a fuck..Well I didn't.. Well I'll stop here.

Continuing

So what else my little cousin (I) got me a little piggy in peach with a big pretty balloon that said: (Get Well Soon)...That same day my little brother came with a big piggy in pink. I was like damn are people trying to tell me something..Everyone started laughing..But He said the piggies were the cutest things at the gift shop down stairs..Everything else was kind of ugly. The piggy my brother got me sings when you press his paw...

Oh yea my sister asked me if I wanted to stay with her Ipod one night cause I might be bored. I told her if she was crazy.

She was like why? I told her if I stay with that Ipod I'm going to be like: lol So I started moving side to side..Trying to dance.. Everyone started laughing...Even after an operation I'm a funny girl...I even started laughing to the point I was holding my stomach cause it was hurting...

Well I ended coming back home after a week.....My first day home was the Worst...It felt like the pain was going to last forever.....I had to be taken to the bathroom.....To the bed..I had to be laid down...My back was hurting so bad I had to pace around the house for hours....The happy pills I used to get at the hospital are not the ones they gave me when I came home...I loved those blue happy pills...Now all I have are these white pain killer..Which at first I felt like it didn't do shit for me.....

On my third night home the pain was so much better...I couldn't believe I would feel that good since the first day was so bad. I thought I had to go back to the hospital the first day home....Today which is 8/3 is the first time I was able to bend over to pick up something.....It's hard for me to bend down.....They told me not to pick up more the 5 pounds for the next 4 weeks.....Crazy right....Well I think that’s it....If I remember anything funny I will put it up....Oh yea I can't even eat....Now is that I'm starting to eat here and there...I was only drinking and not even that....I couldn't take it...Well That’s it I guess..

So yea NO DR Vacation for me....Everyone canceled....I'm still going on my second Vacation in 2 weeks....So at least I have that....My best friend told me today will go on vaca in December since what happened....I hope when I go for my check up everything is ok with me...Till Next Time

08/5/04 - Thursday 12:22Pm

Well everyone left to Miami. I'm home alone. I'm glad they went..I didn't want everyone to not have a vacation cause of me. So I hope they have a lot of fun. I'll get to go another time. My best friends mom is back. My best friend just started seeing this guy. She said he's not all that good looking but he's sweet. So that’s a good thing...Well he's sweet for now like we say. You never know.

Last night I got this weird pain in my back which I used to get before every now and then but I thought it had to do with my bed or something else. But when I found out about what I had I figured maybe that was the cause of those weird pains. So I figured I might not get those stabbing pains again. Well I still hope I don't. But I got some weird pain yesterday it could just be anything and I'm just reading to much into it like always. I have to stop doing that. I really Hope I don't get those pains again.

I have a lot of stuff to get my niece when I see her. The other day I was talking to her and she tells me:

Titi You Know What’s A Great Idea.

So I told her: What’s a great Idea. She Goes: If when You come to see me we can play and your not Sicky anymore. I told her:

You know what Mama That is a great Idea.

She's adorable. I miss her. The other day I heard she was playing with her cousin just jumping around and throwing herself off and saying your making me fall. But she pronounces it ball instead of fall. So she told him your making me fall. So he goes: Oh I'm making you ball. She goes no Fall. He says again oh ball. She goes no fall. Then he goes: Oh sorry for making you ball. I heard she went up to him real serious and said: Stop Playing With Me. I started laughing cause I could imagine how she looked. She has a strong character. Well Let me go. I'm bored. I like being home alone but not in these conditions. But I'm good. Till Next Time

08/6/04 - Friday 1:33Pm

Whats up. I almost went to the hospital again last night. I was getting those weird back pains again. I really would like to know what the fuck is causing those pains. I hope it's not a pinched nerve or anything. But I think I would be in worse pain if it was that. I'm just saying cause someone said it could be a pinched nerve. So yea I ended up not going to the hospital. I'm going to try and wait till my check up comes and explain it to the doctor.

I spoke to these people yesterday and this morning. They were going to go to the beach this morning to tan and swim of course. I'm Jealous. I'm kidding. I'm just bored here alone all day. Also in pain every now and then. I did my hair yesterday.

I want to ask the doctor a few questions about what I can and cannot do. Also how long can I start doing certain stuff. My questions are stupid but I need to know:

• When can I start to exercise again.
• Do stomach exercises
• When can I sun tan.

  I heard something about not letting sun hit your Incision for a year. That’s why I'm asking that.

• Also About the pains in my back.

  And a few more that I know will pop up when I'm there. Well let me go. Till Next Time.

08/7/04 - Saturday 11:01Pm

Whats up..Last night I took my Happy Pills. It was beautiful. I slept good. I'm going to keep taking them at night till I get to explain to the doctor my back pains. I stop taking them just to stop. I heard that pain killers can be addicting. I'm guessing only if you abuse of them. I don't know I'm just talking shit. But I am taking them for now. At least so I can have a good night sleep

I can't wait till these people come back from Miami.

I hope that my check up is good. Hope everything is ok. Well have to take my happy pills at 12am. Hope they work as good as the did yesterday. I felt drowsy. But a good drowsy .

I still have those covers over my Incisions. They haven't fallen off. They said they would after a few showers but, they haven't. Who knows the doctor might take them off himself if I still have them by the time I go to him. Who knows. Well let me go. Till Next time

08/9/04 - Monday 2:11Pm

Do you fucking believe that I just got my Cell Phone Bill from the time I lost my phone and now I have to pay $250 of their fucking calls. I have a house # there which I think It's from the person who found my phone. That is so fucked up. They had the nerve to call Dominican Republic with a phone that’s not even theirs. In fact let me try something. BRB. Well I just called the house this lady picked up and said that she hasn't seen a cell phone in the house and that she has only 2 kids and her husband that she lives with. I do remember that the person who found my phone was a Man. Cause he was stupid enough to pick up my phone. Now I told her that I have the #'s that were dialed. She told me to call back at 3pm that her husband will be back by then. This is the thing I don't know why but people always call their house first when they find a phone. That’s the worst thing to do. Never test the phone with your own house #.

Now what I'm going to tell him is that someone told me he found the phone and made those calls and gave me his # so I can call but, I can't say who told me. Now if it wasn't him he knows who found it cause the person called him as soon as they found the phone. So hopefully if it wasn't him he'll tell on the other person. Now I tell you this much I will find the person to pay for my phone. I do know that her husbands name is Ramon. Pronounce it in Spanish. Now all I have to do if I wanted to is call the # he dialed and see if they know a Ramon.

Funny thing is the lady tells me well we don't use cell phones were old. I'm like well just talk to your husband and let him know I'll call back later. Now I was thinking Old my Ass. If it was her husband he can't be that old cause he's fucking fingers dialed to Dr Motherfucker. Well lets see what happens.

Oh yea a friend say's hi to me and I tell him what happen about the phone and how I have to pay that shit. I came out and said I hate bad people. He comes out with: (You hate a lot of things about people).

I'm thinking like damn can you fucking wait to be sarcastic after I get up from the fucking floor you fucking Dumb Ass .

Come on, can you be less of an ass today at least. Shit!. I'm thinking damn just cause I was honest with him and told him a few things I didn't like about him, now he has to give that comment that I don't like a lot of things about people. Well fucking yea if people are Assholes. I wouldn't say that about a nice person fucker. I know people must Judge my character by how much I curse on here but, I'm a Sweet person. HAHAHA. I'm laughing cause it does sound funny me saying I'm a sweet & nice Girl right after using the words MotherFucker / Dumb Ass / AssHole & Fucker. Just remember I'm using it right now cause I'm pissed . Also just to express myself. I don't go around cursing people out like that in their face. I'm not mean. Well Let Me Go. Till Next Time.

Later On

Well I called back at 3pm. I spoke to the man. It was him who had the phone and made those calls. I told him all I want him to do is pay for the calls he made and that’s it. He tried to tell me he didn't go into my house and take the phone. I told him:

Ramon I know this. I was standing away from the phone next to a car talking to someone I had my phone in the front stool of the building and you came passed by and picked up the phone and left.

Then he goes: Well what you going to give me. I'm like: what you mean. I guess he felt stupid and didn't mention it again. Now really how dare he come out his face. Hello does he not remember that I tried to call my cell and he hanged up on me. And I told him that to. He tells me no it's that the phone cut off. Yea Right. Then I tell him he had my house # on that cell he could of just called my house and say listen I have your cell phone etc....

Anyways he said on his way to work he's leaving my cell phone in the corner store for me to pick up. I told him fine. And I told him I'll call you to show you the phone bill so you can see what the charges are. I told him again all I want is for you to pay for those call you made that’s it. He said fine. I really can care less about the phone cause we had to get a new one. Anyways let's see if he pays I'll keep you posted on that one.

08/10/04 - Tuesday 9:16Pm

Well Went to get my blood test done today. Now I just have to wait to get my results back. I was home by 9:00am. I am so sleepy. I'm taking my pills at 11:00pm today instead of 12Am.

my sisters Ex called me today to tell me that if I need anything to give him a call and he'll be here in minutes. That was sweet of him. I can't wait till these people get back. I Miss them. Till Next Time

08/11/04 - Wednesday 4:27Pm

Well went to the hospital today to get my results. Everything came out Good . I mention my pains but, all he said was that I will probably be completely better in 2 months. So I'm left with my pains in the Air I guess. But if it get's to much they will see me again. I got there at 8Am. Since they said he wouldn't be in for a few hours I had to kill time so I went to do my Hair.

Now when I was done the first thing I did when I walked out of the salon was grab my hair up. That’s right. I didn't like how it came out. I had High Lights put in but, I think she did them to light. So when I got back to the hospital I went to the bathroom to use it of course then to check out the mess she did. Now when I was there I actually liked it. It didn't look as bad anymore. Don't ask why. Maybe cause of the different lights who knows. Another problem, I just got home and once again I don't like how light she did them. They look Yellow to me. Not only that, I don't like how she cut my hair as well. Thank goodness I told her not to cut it shorter.

Well these people get back tomorrow their going to see my mess. Till Next

08/12/04 - Thursday 4:40Pm

Well I'm glad these people getting here around 8:00 or 9:00 today. I told them about my hair. They kept asking me what I did. I just told them they'll see when they get Here. I want the color to leave a little. It might take a while.

Well I just got the old Cell Phone back from that man. Also got half of the money cause he didn't have it all right now. It still had all the phone #'s in it. Which is good. It's good but then again useless.

Well I got a message on my Journal from this guy talking about he read my journal and knows how I feel etc.... Also he was talking about how certain things has happen to him on 9/11. He had to have Back Surgery and how he ran for his life from Tower #2 on 9/11. Now this is the thing I feel funny bitching about my High Lights and bitching about cell phone thingys when people sometimes go threw worst things. I don't know if he left that message cause he really enjoyed my journal and felt like he understood how I felt. Like he said he did. Or that was his way of saying: Stop bitching about the dumbest shit. For Example my High Lights. So you know what Mr. if that was your way of saying I bitch to fucking much about dumb things well you know what:

Your Probably Right

And let's say that’s not how you meant for it to come across. Well I took it that way and feel a little stupid bitching about some high lights I might just like 2 weeks from now especially When there’s worst things that can happen. Now I'm not saying that I won't ever bitch about the little things cause hey I can't help it.

I know it may sound like I bitch a lot. But I do let a lot of shit pass by. And yes I am a Very Sensitive Girl.

There’s people that just are mean to people just to be mean. Or always fighting just to start a fight. That’s not me. I know by me using so much curse words on here like: Fucking/Shit/Asshole/Bitch/Fucker/Kiss my Hole Doesn’t really show my sensitive side. I just hope I don't come across as this young bitch that just bitches about everything cause that’s not me. Till Next Time

08/15/04 - Sunday 4:50Pm

Well I'm packing for my vacation tomorrow. I finally get to get out of here. I forgot to get my refills for my pills yesterday. So now I have to wait till Thursday for my mother to mail me my Refills cause I'm need them over there. Well my sister got this burned ass tan..She says she got it when they went Jet Skiing. Now I know to wear a hat when I get to go next time cause I don't want a tan like that.

Oh yea a little while ago this man was screaming my name out the window for like 10/15 minutes. Now I didn't look out cause I don't have people calling me out windows. I don't do that anymore. You better ring my bell or just call my cell if you want my attention. So I noticed someone calling my name but, I figure maybe it's for someone else. Then the man goes Inside the building and starts to scream out my name again. I stood listening but then again thinking it can't be for me. Then I started thinking maybe an Old Friend. But then again they'll ring the bell if anything. Also I did have a lot of friends that knew my block and building but not my Door # . Well I ignored it. Then out of nowhere he screams out my Sisters name. Now that had me thinking it has to be guys we have hanged out with. So I go to the door to look out the peep hole. So the man stands right on my floor and stands there just looking at a piece of paper. Now I got to see him but I couldn't recognize the face. He did have something familiar. I thought maybe it was one of my Fathers Brothers. Then again I haven't seen some of them since I was a little girl. It's just weird both our names were called. Only guys we know and chilled together with could probably mention both. Other male friends of mine wouldn't call out my sisters name. Same goes for some of her male friends. Some I know but, the rest wouldn't call out my name.

Well I know he called out my name for 15 minutes outside and like 3 times inside & my sisters twice inside the building. Now I just want to know who’s the person and why they came calling our names out. I have no idea who that man was. Another thing he looked in his late 30's to me. Someone else said he looked late 20's early 30's. Who knows now. Well I hope he doesn't come back. I didn't recognize him so it can't be someone important.

My little brother cooked for everyone yesterday. It was good. Oh yea I heard (S) my female cousin the one I don't talk to, took out her birth mark. She had this huge B/M on her nose which she use to hate.

I don't know if I'm going to be able to write on here from over there. So if anything I'll write in 2 Weeks if I can't. Till Next.

08/17/04 - Tuesday 10:27Am

Whats up. Well We left yesterday real early in the morning. It was a 5 1/2 Hour trip. First thing I did was put my IPod On With Alicia Keys to start that long as trip. We got here at 9:00, Am Yesterday.

Oh yea I know people must think damn this chick is crazy. She just got out of an operation like 2 weeks ago and all she wants to do is go on vacation and hang. Well this is not a vacation of Clubbing/Jet Skiing etc...This is at a house in the country side. So the same thing I would be doing in my house while I recover is the same thing I can do here. In fact there’s way less noise here. Less people of course. Now the Dr trip I had to Cancel cause it was more of a Jet Skiing & Clubbing etc.. thingy.

So yea I am going to be here for the next 2 weeks. I have my family here. I got my niece here. She is so smart. I gave her so many little things yesterday, that last night she kept telling me to open my bags cause she wanted more surprises. The thing is I have more things for her in my bag I just don’t know how she knows I have more. I think someone told her (Titi has more things for you).

I didn't want to give her everything at once cause then she can't focus on each gift. So I decided to give her one or 2 gifts a day.

Yesterday like I said we got here at 9Am. We took my niece to the park. My sister and I walked back from the park to the house. The funny thing was I knew which way to go back home but my sister comes out and says: (Look You Almost Got Us Lost) I was thinking damn I really thought it was the other way. Let me just write it: What happen was that everyone else went back home in the car. We figured we'll walk it instead. What happen was that when we got out of the park. We see everyone in the car So I tell my sister it's this way so we make a left. Then when we see the car they made a right turn. So my sister goes (No It's that way). I'm like no it's this way. She goes no I think I saw (I) point from the car the other way. So I'm like fine. We turn around and make a right. Turns out they call us on the cell 2, minutes later. First thing out his mouth was: (I hope you girls didn't go our way). My sister asks why. He was like (Cause you guys were going the right way). We just going to check something out real quick before going home. My sister hangs up and starts laughing. She goes you was right. I was like: (I knew it).

Well We ended up getting to the house before them. When we get there my brothers girl (A) was taking a shower. So we stood outside for at least 30 minutes knocking. I was so bored waiting that I took the holes and started watering the flowers. I kept fucking with my sister saying: (S) your hot. She was like don't fuck with me. I wasn't going to do it..First of all I can't run right now so I won't play my self. But yea I wasn't in the mood to play with water we was hot from walking and we had Jeans on so it wouldn't be funny.

We took the car and drove around just us girls. We went shopping. I already wasted $25 and I only been here 1 day. Imagine in the next 2 Weeks. I need to chill. I did bring my c/c. Which I always take at least one when I go on vacation. But I need to chill.

My niece just got up and came to me to give me a kiss. So let me go down stairs with her. I'll write again later if anything.

08/19/04 - Thursday 4:44Pm

Whats up..I don't know if I have mentioned this before on here but, I hate how guys JUDGE women who carry condoms.

Now the conversation came up last night. Now I believe every women should carry her own Condoms. Now for one I wouldn't trust any niggas out there condoms but my own. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I won't ever use a guys condom. I just feel if I carry my own shit I don't have to worry. Now my problem is how dare a nigga call a girl a hoe or a slut cause she carries her own condoms.

Well this is the thing some guys say that when a girl has condoms in her Purse they feel that it must mean that she fucks a lot. Now I know a lot of guys that carry condoms with them. Not once do I think that they fuck a lot. cause trust me I know guys who carry condoms in their wallets and they haven't even fucked in months.

Now would you rather fuck a girl that carries condoms with her and at least you know she’s SAFE Or a girl that doesn't carry shit and if the guys doesn't have one she'll probably fuck him anyways without one.

Think About It

Like always they tried asking me if it bothers me when a guy brings a condom when he's going to hang with me. Now to be honest it does. Only cause if he fucking knows me you should know you ain't getting shit from me. Now if he doesn't know me I can't say shit at least I know he’s safe and carries his own shit. Now it doesn't mean a guy that doesn't carry is a person that doesn't protect himself. Not saying that at all. Some guys "which I think this is another decent way of doing shit" do shit differently.

Example: They wait to see if it's even going to happens then they stop half way and go to the nearest drugstore and purchase their shit.

Now bad thing about that shit is: If you get a girl like myself big chance is when you get back I'm probably turned off by then.

Yep that’s right. If I want something I want it right there and then. Not 10/15 minutes later.

I could go on, on this topic but I'll stop here.

We went walking around yesterday & today.. Took my niece out to the playground they have around here. Took her with me today walking around. It was real dark where we were at so I won't do that tomorrow. Let me go I'm tired. I did get to see one cute guy in a EB truck today. Well Till Next Time

08/22/04 - Sunday 1:00Am

Whats's up. Went to the outlets yesterday. I liked this purse I saw there, but I decided not to get it. Bad thing is we went back today to exchange some things this girl (A) wanted to exchange and guess what. Yes that’s right I bought the Purse. It's a cute brown purse. My sister didn't have money on her so I charged hers as well. She'll give it to me later. She got herself a black purse.

This girl is coming tomorrow "My best friend (V)". She couldn't come the day we came. So her vacation starts again tomorrow. Well actually today it is after 12am. Everyone is coming and going on different days.

Let me go this shit is acting up. Till Next

08/24/04 - Tuesday 9:37Am

Well Yesterday we were going to watch a movie but, then we had to stop cause some people were coming and they were all High. Mind you everyone up in here was mad tired. I didn't want to start the movie to then have these people come from where ever all high. So I said I didn't want to watch the movie if these people were coming cause I don't want to stop the movie half way. I was a little up tight yesterday. Well not yesterday more, like last night.

Oh yea yesterday we went to rent a Movie. Do you believe we left the store without the movie. The women had put it to the side so we can pick it up on our way out the door. We talk so much we didn't notice that we left without it. It took us at least 2 hours later to realize we didn't have it. We ended up having to walk 1 hour to get the movie cause we didn't have the car.

Oh my best friend is dating this guy which sounds like a Nice person. She was telling me that he told her when is he going to meet me. He already meet a few other people. So he asked when am I next. I spoke to my ex a few days ago and I told him I was away on vacation. Do you believe he left me like 5 messages on my house phone. Come on I told you I'm away why are you calling my house. Just call me on my cell if anything. I really could care less that he called my house. But that’s weird to me. If I know my friend is not home why would I be calling their house.

My best friend said a Fucked Up comment to my sister which pissed her the fuck off. I wasn't there when she said it. They told me what she had said. I think what she said was foul. My sister was pissed for a while. My best friend has a way of talking that pissed people off. The thing is we know her already so we know how she is. And even with us knowing her for years we get upset at how she says certain things sometimes. Anyways that's (V) for you.

We were talking about Jamaica. We might end up going there for vacation. Or Cancun. Not sure yet.

Oh yea do you believe I think I popped one of my Incision. I have to get that checked out when I get back home. My niece keeps kissing every booboo I have. She's adorable. I think that’s it for now. Till Next Time

08/27/04 - Friday 10:21Am

Well I got my mami a DVD player & a movie. I don't even know if I mentioned that I got another purse. It's a very cute color and it's a nice size for when school starts. So that’s why I got it. I'm going shopping again today.

My niece is Adorable. She hugs & kisses me everyday. She's on me all the time. Doesn't leave my site. If we go anywhere she needs to hold Titi's hand. She's only 2 and knows so much. She speaks so well. I'm going to miss her so much.

I keep having these dreams with Victor. I don't know why. I hope He's ok. I can't stand him right now but, I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him of course. It's funny how you can have mix feelings like that for someone.

08/29/04 - Sunday 9:57Am

Whats up. I got these cute glasses yesterday. They were $180 but I got them for $100. I had to buy Notebooks for school. So I got 2. I still have 2 in the house. These were just cute and subjectized. I just made that up cause that’s not a word. That I know of.

Oh yea yesterday I probably did the dumbest shit ever. These people got high again. Everyone got hungry last night and decided to go to a 24 hour Mc D's and some wanted tacos. Mind you (J) is high. So because I wasn't going to let them go alone I decided that I was going with them. I went cause I felt that if I was there and he started to act stupid I'll stop him with the Quickness. And I wasn't going to have him drive alone anyways. My sister went with me as well. I was there checking out every Move he made with that car. He was all into his music. I couldn't just sit back and enjoy the music cause I was watching his every move...

I did ask him to let me drive there and back, but you know guys with their cars. I never get into a car if I know the person has been drinking or getting high. That’s just me. I just knew he was going no matter what. So I wanted to go with him to check him out. I know some people must be like well your Stupid. But you know what so be it. And actually a lot of people drive high and they might think that’s no big shit.

To me anything that fucks up your judgement while driving is dangerous to me. It's like once I saw this hooker sucking this guys dick why he was driving. Um hello I'm sorry but I wouldn't do that. He can get all into that and you might fuck up his judgment. And a lot of girls like to play with their man while his driving. That’s normal. I'll only play to a certain point where he can't lose he's mind. And if I wanted more then I'll make him stop. Anyways. Then again she is a hooker and if he wants it like that, hey he's paying for that.

Today is the Vma's. I'm only going to be able to catch the first hour of it. At around 9:20 we have to jump in that car and break out. I just hope the first hour is the Hottest. We decided to be all ready so when it starts we don't have to do anything else. Just as soon as it turns 9:20 we walk out. I just have to grab my purse and I'm out. Till next Time

08/30/04 - Monday 9:57Pm

You know what’s so fucking weird. Right now I went to put the time that I am starting to write. It just so happens it's exactly the same time as yesterday except for the Pm part.

Victor keeps trying to talk to me again. I keep telling him to leave me alone. He kept saying that he misses me etc.....A few things he has said mad me laugh or even smile. I won't tell him that. One thing that made me smile was when he called me something that only he and I know.

"Your My ____,_____ Princess".

It's a private joke. Nothing sweet. It was just something he would call me. Which I hated. In in a cute way.

No matter how much he makes me smile he won't get me to forgive him to be honest.

Well I just got Home this morning. It was a nice trip. I realized that being on a tour bus is very Relaxing especially if your listening to Alicia Keys. I usually start with her. Last night I wanted to sing out loud on the bus but couldn't. I knocked out on the bus. I was tried. I'm tired Right Now.I only slept like 3 hours. Well there’s "nada" new. Came home had to organize my mail. Check what need to be paid etc...Gave my mami her gift. She liked it. I need to read back my dairy. I need to find out when was it that I got my new bed. I'm so lazy. I don't want to read shit. I also hate reading back and finding little errors here and there. When I do, I usually want to fix them but, I don't. I'm sleepy . Till Next Time.

09/02/04 - Thursday 12:30Pm

Whats up. I just remembered when we were on vacation this girl (A) had this old Salsa Mix 98 by DJ Precise. We started listening to it. So much memories of when we use to hang with these certain guys. And it has so many hot songs in it. To bad they don't make songs like that anymore. Don't get me wrong every once in a while a good Merengue/Salsa comes out. But it's not like in 95-99. All the hottest salsa’s were coming out like crazy. Also the hottest Merengues & Bachatas. I do like alot of them that are out now. Example: Thank goodness for Aventura. The merengues were hotter then. To think in 95 I was just a little girl starting to develop. There’s a lot of songs that I really enjoy now. Only if they had those songs now that I'm in my 20's. I bet girls that had those songs in their 20's really enjoyed them. I have a lot of memories with those songs cause all the festivals we performed in. The parades we did. I remember the first group I was in and how they would try to sneak me in the clubs to perform. Since all the other girls were like in their early & late 20's. Some were 19. I was the youngest dancer. They thought since some of the outfits had hats I could get away with it. One thing they would tell me is

(What Ever You Do, Do Not Take Off The Hat)

Also Don't tell your mother you performed at a club. Well that I couldn't hide. I use to tell my mother anyways. Just after a yr passed. I told my mami not to go to the head leader cause then they won't trust me. Plus she knew how much I loved dancing. Now I only got into like 3/4 clubs during the ages of 12-14.

I know you probably thinking what the fuck is a 12/13/14 yr old doing in a club dancing. Well for one it was only for like the after parties after the parades. Or special events. And once I was done performing someone escorted me out the club and took me to the leaders house till the girl that was in charge of me picked me up and took me home. Just incase your thinking what type of performing. It's regular dancing people.

Well yea when we heard that cd we started remembering the guys the performing etc....It's so different now. We dance now and it's more about looking nice being the best. It's not as fun as before. Well it could be that I do all the hard part so it takes the fun out of it. Cause the girls that just have to learn it find it fun.

It's so hard now. Trying to open a business. Do School. Do the Dancing. Trying to get a new job. Spend time with family and friends. Imagine if I was in a serious relationship. No man would be like (Baby I know what you trying to do. I'm going to stick by you 100%) A man is just going to probably bitch that I don't spend that much time with him etc...Or maybe even cheat. And you know how I feel about cheaters. I rather be single. Let me go. Till Next Time

09/5/04 - Sunday 8:10Pm

My sister is not going to the same school as I am this year. She left today. She hasn't called me. Armando took her. I don't like he's ways. Well sometimes. He is a good person. Anyways, I'm not going there

Oh yea we might go to Jamaica or Cancun. We are inviting my girls man. She thought it would be better if everyone went coupled out . But she's the only one right now that isn't single. It's only been maybe 3 weeks that she’s been with him. It looks like he's going to be here for vacation time. We were laughing cause she and I said if he's still around by the time we go. You know guys. So yea everyone else is single. We can bring someone we're cool with. I could think of at least 2 guys that won't harass me or get on my nerves. And that won't fuck up my fun. Then again I would rather it just be us girls. I don't know. I'm going to have to talk to this girl again about the whole shit. She did say if anything he doesn't have to go.

Hey I was the one that came up with the idea of her man coming. Noone else did, not even her.

What else is going on? Oh yea I don't have my *Happy Pills* for tonight . The place was closed. I hope I don't feel any pain.

Well Let Me Stop Here. Till Next Time .

09/5/04 - Tuesday 11:12Pm

Whats up. I just finish studying. Spoke to my dad today. I asked him about my brother. The one I've never meet. He says he doesn't know anything. I have a weird feeling he's Holding Information from me. I asked him for at least my brothers last name. He says he doesn't know that. That maybe he has his moms husbands last name. Well if you’re a regular reader here you know the situation. I asked him for her name. He said her name was Iris. Which isn't going to get me anywhere cause he doesn't know her last name. So basically I'm left with a guy named George About to turn 28 in the ending of November beginning December.

Then he tells me that he thinks he doesn't know about him and that he also thinks his moms husband is his father. Which to be honest is Fuck Up. But I do think my dad is not telling me everything. He found out about my operation. Which I think I know who told him. (K)!

My little cousin starts school tomorrow. Which I'm happy.

Remember that book I was reading Milk In My Coffee. Well I still haven't finished that shit. It's actually been over a month since I last read that book. You know what, probably about 2 months.

Oh yea When I was studying I actually got caught up watching the new Real World In Philadelphia. I was so surprised when the black guy on there said he was gay. I know a lot of people must have been as well. Americas Top Models start on the 22nd. The Apprentice starts this week. In fact I think it's tomorrow or Thursday. One thing about the fall that I love is when all the new series come on.

Oh yea yesterday I got bit by a Mosquito 9 times. You believe that.

I'm going to see this girl(V) on Friday. I'm going to bring up the whole thingy about this guy going on vaca with us. I don't mind if he goes. On the other hand there's one little problem I need to bring up to her attention. Lets see what she says about that. Well Till Next

09/12/04 - Sunday 1:08Pm

Whats up. I was bored last night that I took the fan and put it on the highest level so my hair can be flowing and put that song (Naughty Girl) by Beyonce. Stood in front of the livingroom and told them to check out the newest video of naughty girl. Everyone started laughing. I do stupid shit like that when I'm bored. I've done it before. Long time ago. I think it was to my aunt. I forgot what song I did it to last time. Anyways.

I spoke to my girl about the whole trip thingy. I didn't bring up the little problem I just told her to invite her man. So he is going with us to Jamaica or Cancun. Now the other change is that we are not going in December. She had said something like: Me needing to take a trip this year cause I didn't go to Miami cause of my operation. So I just told her I can wait till March or April. So that’s what we are going to do. In December we might just go up to see my brother & the baby. Oh my brother got a brand new Car. He's happy about it. I was talking to him yesterday. He kept telling me that I have to see his car.

My best friend was telling me that we might do Thanksgiving in her parents house. Her parents want all of us to go up there. Sounds good to me.

Oh yea my Grandmother is getting married. The church one is for April I think. Everyone is excited about it. Well us girls are.

Spoke to my sister yesterday. I notice that Troy this guy she knows plays games with her a lot. When she's far away he wants to see her, spend time with her, tells her he misses her. Then again when she’s back he doesn't call as much, he's busy. I noticed that a lot. I don't think she has. Well she has in a way but, she ignores it. Till Next Time.

09/15/04 - Wednesday 2:33Pm

Whats up. My happy pills are almost over. And I no longer have refills. I'm going to ask my best friends mother if she could get me more. She has hookups that’s why. Hopefully I can get at least 3/4 more refills.

I got a text message yesterday from my sister.

Sis: I have a Gift for you.

Eni: why?

Sis: You already have it.

Eni: What are you talking about.

Sis: I left it in your last draw. We put it there so noone accidentally see it.

Eni: What?

Sis: Your gift is that vibrator I bought in Miami.

Eni: LoL..U Funny

Sis: I'll get another one up here.

Eni: I could mail it to you. That shit is not my style. I do pretty good without it.

Sis: Nah I'm getting another one. I'll Call You Later.

So yea I got that shit there. Those things are not really my style. This older lady told me once: Don't ever use a vibrator cause once you get use to it your man could never leave up to that vibrator. So you know what, that’s why I have never gone there. Don't get me wrong toys are good. Just not the ones that Vibrate.

Theres this show called: The Player. I think that girl is gorgeous. I do think she's to skinny. I think she’s a model. I'm not sure. If she is, her bodies ok for that.

I haven't been studying enough. My little cousin started school. My old high school has changed a lot. The 9th graders get to have class with the same kids. Before every class you went to had different students. I think the way it was back then is better.

Sometimes I get in those moods that, I think I could start setting down with someone. Then I start thinking the headache it causes. This is my thing. I have a lot of things I need to do. Also when I get into a relationship I give my all to the point I forget about what I need to focus on the most. I know how to balance my friends, family, Boyfriend, and work. The problem is I tend to slack off in school when I have a man. It's not his fault. It's mine. I get bored sometimes that I start thinking of what I want to do to him when I see him. I wonder what is he doing at work. It sounds childish, but it's true.

Now maybe I'm wrong. Maybe now I'm not like that who knows. I made a deal that I won't get a man while in school so I won't fuck up. And it worked.

I am way different now. So maybe it will be different. Don't get me wrong I could have someone just not serious. Now it's not like I can't focus when I have a man. Trust me I can go to work and not think about him once. It's that when your in a class and you start to get bored you start to drift away. So to keep myself from falling asleep I start thinking. I hope someone relates to what I'm talking about.

Another thing I have not given a man much of my time, in a long time. I hope it doesn't bother me in my next serious relationship.

I'm so use to seeing someone when I can, when he can.

I forgot when your in serious relationship they want to know where your going. They want you to call them when you get home. It doesn't bother me. I was doing that few months back. Mind you it wasn't a serious relationship but I wanted to call. I liked calling.

My thing is the last serious one I had was stressing. Towards the end I felt like I had to call. It wasn't no longer that I wanted to. And you know what if I ever feel that way again I will end it. I took it last time cause I didn't know what to do. Anyways let me cut it here. Like I always say if I misspelled something excuse me. If I fucked up on my grammar well this is not a S.A.T exam people so relax. I get one little box to type in everything I feel, think, and want to say during the day, for my entertainment. So be it. Till Next

09/19/04 - Sunday 1:52Am

Well I just finish watching the De La Hoya & Hopkins fight . I'm glad Hopkins won. Thats the one I was going for of course. I love watching Boxing fights. My favorite is TiTo Trinidad. Every time he fights I say his name with him and the announcer. It never fails.

TiToooooooooooooooooooooooooo Trini-Dadddddddddd.

I love saying it every single time he fights. He looks cute saying it. So who ever watches a fight with him you better believe I'm some where else saying TiTooooo Trinidad.

I call him My Trini .

Now if you guys saw the fight today you guys saw who he is fighting next. Now this is my thing. I'm a little scared for My Trini. That nigga he's fighting looks bad. He looks scary. I don't want him to touch my Trini. It's not that I don't have confidence in my Trini. It's that. I just don't want him to touch my Trini period.

I hope my Trini wins.

Now I can tell you this much. I know I'm probably going to like that guy as well. He does look like a real good fighter. He won't ever go before my Trini. But he can be on my list. Oh yea just got his name it's: Mayorga. So yea I can't wait till that fight comes on the 2nd. Fat Joe is coming out with my Trini. That’s probably going to be hot. Well glad Hopkins won.

So yea I found out today that my girl (V) is letting this guy she just meet 4 weeks ago move in with her in November. Crazy I know. Well at least she knows how to recover after bad situations. So I know she'll be ok. Oh yea we are going to have Thanksgiving if god permits in my best friends parents house. The thing is I don't talk to her brother. Ya must know this. Well if ya are regular readers here. So yea he's going to be there. I might go. I'm going to really think about it. I know he's dying to see me and talk to me. I just don't get along with him anymore. Funny thing is he keeps telling people he doesn't know what he did to me for me to be acting like that with him. That's what makes me think sometimes, maybe I should just let it go. Which I'm probably am. Lets see what happens. I might just go.

I asked my little brother about his friend Mike and what he looks like and Age etc.. First thing out his mouth is: "Yo you want me to hook it up" I'm like no, just asking. Plus I never do the whole thing, with me dating someone who knows my family. Oh yea I got to speak to my friend Douglas. I have mentioned him on here before. He's the Doctor. He said he went to Las Vegas. He said he tried contacting me to see if I wanted to go with him but he could never get me. Plus I told him about the operation and everything that happened. So even if he did get in contact with me I couldn't have gone. He's a sweet heart. Well that’s all I guess. Till Next Time

09/20/04 - Monday 1:52Pm

I'm fucking pissed the fuck off. I was talking to my sister this morning. We talk then all of a sudden she tells me: Oh guess what I found out. This Bitch (My dads girlfriend) told her that she was the one that stopped my dad from calling us. That when we were 14/15/16 she told him that his kids come to see him only for money. Do you believe that shit. We never asked my dad for money. EVER!. When I would go see him he would take me aside and give me money or put it in my coat without me even knowing. Another thing my mother never took him for Child Support. So even if he did give us money who gives a fuck. He is my father. So yea she convinced him after they left to another state that we didn't really care about him. Now this bitch, feels guilty now. I guess she feels that by her giving those stupid remarks and telling him stuff is the reason why we are not close anymore. Mind you he left when I was 18 to a different state. I did get upset when he left. I still till this day get upset at the fact that he doesn't call. I am glad to know that she was the influence in the whole thing. Not that he's not at fault, cause he is. But I do know how much influence women have over a man. Anyways

So she's telling me everything. So I get quiet.

So she's like: Eni. Eni. Hello Eni.

I'm like Yeeaaa Crying of course . So she tells me: don't cry.

I'm like Yea.

She goes: I hate when you cry. You hardly ever cry. And when you do is cause your really hurt.

All I said after that was: I'm glad to know she's the reason why. I can't stand that bitch. So yea I told my sister that I don't ever want to go over there again cause if I do I'm going to want to kill that BITCH!. So yea after she told that to my sister my sister cut the conversation and told her she didn't want to talk about it anymore. So I guess the bitch noticed my sister was pissed all day and ask her: Are you pissed off at me. So my sister told her yes. And she told her it's none of her business what my dad and his kids do. And that she had no right butting in. I'm going to hate that bitch for a long time. My dad is a dumb ass. How is he going to pay attention to another dumb ass. Never mind I just answered my own question. Anyways I just got on to vent about the whole shit. Till Later.

09/25/04 - Saturday 12:52Am

I Just Want To Say Happy Birthday To My Baby. I Love You.

Whats up. Well, I'm probably going to start a new Job in October. Well, in the ending of October, really. My problem with that is, I am really scared of walking out of my house at 5:00 Am, in the morning. Imagine, if I lived in a worst area. Now I'm going to try it, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to go through with it. I'm scared cause weird things has happen to me before. I just Thank God that nothing bad has happened to me. Now I could ask my cousin to walk me every morning. Then again, its not his problem. You know what. Let's just see what happens in October.

I think I just broke my own record. I have not liked anyone in about 6, months. I think. I'm trying to think of the last person I was actually feeling, and the only name that pops up is this bitch. Which I know there was someone else after that. He probably keeps popping up cause that’s the worst shit that happed this year. Well I guess the person after that wasn't that important.

Well yea it's been 6 months. The problem is I'm probably going to start liking someone else soon. Someone that I just started talking to.

You know what, I don't want to like anyone right now. Maybe by January, I'll be open to it. Let me just try to go through this year without any drama. Whether it's good or bad drama I don't want it. I'll chill. I will be his friend. He's real sweet. Oh yea, one thing, he has 2 kids. Their not here in this state, but that is a lot of shit to carry. One thing I know is that he doesn't have any Mama Drama. And for those of you who are thinking "Well for Now". I know for a fact there won't be any. Now how I know this, Well I'll keep that to myself. Well Till Next Time

09/28/04 - Tuesday 7:07Pm

Well I called the Doctor, today. I asked him about the Exercising. He said I could go back to my normal activities, as long as I start slowly. What ever that means. I'm going to start next week. Well actually I did start dancing like last week. I didn't move a lot cause I was afraid to. I was just dancing Raggea, and little stuff here and there. I did stop myself from moving a lot. When I did move a lot, I felt funny. Maybe cause it's been a good 2, months or so. That’s a long time without moving to music. Well you know what I'm wrong. The day after I came out of Surgery I did crack a joke in the Hospital, and moved very little. But it was funny.

So I guess I can't say I didn't move for the whole 2 months. But I know, you know, what I mean.

There’s this phone I want, but I can't afford it right now. Don't you just hate it when you want something, but then you have to ask your self: "Do you really need it right now". The funny thing is my Cell Phone is fucked up. In order for me to hear the person I need to press the back. HAHAHAHAHa That’s embarrassing. That’s right. My Phone sucks. Now some people must be like: Hello get yourself a new one....Now to me, its all good. I can wait. Plus the phone that I want is the Samsung e316. And it is excess money. Which I don't have right now. So if I can't get the one that I want, I don't want any at all. Fuck it I'll keep pressing the back of the phone into my ear until I get a headache. I just hope that the phone doesn't cut me off on an important phone call. Shit if it does I'm going to slam, that shit..Well let me go. I'm writing out of my ass right now. Till Next

09/29/04 - Tuesday 10:46Pm

Well I'm pissed off right now. Well, more like Curious on what is my little cousin going to say when I ask him, "why was he unprepared for Gym today".

Turns out the Gym Teacher called my Cell cause noone answered at home. He said my little cousin wasn't ready for gym today. Then he says that if they do not come ready they do not pass the class.

Now when he told me that, I asked him, Mr M can I ask you a question.. Was (I) the only one unprepared or was his little friends unprepared as well.

He tells me that there was 2 of his friend unprepared as well. He says: "unfortunately we have more followers the leaders". And I want to make sure he's not a follower. So I told him yes I know. Also told him this won't happen again without an excuse. From myself. Also told him if this ever happens again to give me a call.

This is the thing, I don't play when it comes to school shit. High School is very hard especially when you have other kids, convincing ur kid, to do other shit.

Now another thing.(I) has a different mother then others. This one right here A.K.A *Eni* is not going to let that shit happen. And (I) knows that shit.

Those of you that don't know and are new readers here. My little cousins came to leave with me when they were only 7yrs old and the other one was 11 yrs old. And yes I have been basically raising them since then.

Usually they tell people I'm their sister or cousin, I really don't care what they say. To me I always see them as my cousins. Cause that’s what I'm doing raising my little cousins. Now to them is like I'm their Big Sister, Then again I don't think they could ever see me as a mother figure cause I'm to young. Now Am I doing the motherly thing. Yes I am. Am I doing it well, I think so. Cause they are good kids...Am I trying to be their mother, No I am not. I'm just trying to do my part. I tell you this much when they want money it's funny how they say, But, You’re my Mother, Which I laugh, Then the whole "come on Please" starts.

Anyways back to the main topic here.

Now I'm hoping he tells me the truth about what he did today, cause one thing I hate is when they lie. And trust me (I) knows that shit.

He's here be right back.

Later On:

Well I go and ask (I) how was gym today. He goes no I didn't get to do gym. I asked why. He said my shirt was smelly cause I left it in the gym locker. I didn't want to put it on cause then people were going to smell it. Then he goes its here I need to wash it.

I smelled it..That shit stinks.

I also asked him about his friends being unprepared. He said none of his friends were unprepared. That it was these other kids...Which it is possible that the teacher could of thought those were his friends...No biggy

Just for the record I ask (I) how’s school almost every day. So there’s no way he would find it funny, why I was asking.

Also told him that the teacher is going to call every time this happens. Till Next.

10/03/04 - Sunday 1:03Am

That's Right Baby...My Trini Won!

Well my baby won...I'm happy about that. Now let me start with Fat Joe...What the fuck was all that shit about he was coming out with TiTo.. I'm here waiting for him to be behind him. I see no fat nigga there. I here thinking is Joe late or something. Then my baby gets in the ring and I see his fat ass there. What happen to "Lean Back, Cause he's back". Now I really don't know why was Joe in the ring, but I really don't have no fucking idea why the fuck Tony Short-Shine Was There. Don't get me wrong I think he's cute and I do like checking out cute niggas. But my Trini had my eyes today noone else. Well I checked him out but it was about Tito today. Now the guy with the cam in the back. You know what, I'm not evening going there with that nigga. Well everyone said I sounded like Tito's Wife...Why? I'll show you.

Round 1: Come on baby, your not hitting. Don't do this to me. Come on baby, hit him. That's right pa. That’s right. Go baby. Hey, get off of him. Don't touch him.

Round 2/3/4: Come on baby. Get off of him. You could do this baby. That’s right baby. There you go baby. No stop, Hey. Fuck. Come on Papi.

Round 5 & 6: Yea baby you got this. come on baby. You fucking faker. You liar. Don't worry you got this Papi. That’s right baby. No,No, Stop. There you go baby. That’s right baby. You got him pa. Yea, Yea, OMG. That’s my baby.

Round 7 & 8: You got this Pa. Yea, that’s right. You got it. Knock him out papi. You got him baby. You got him, That’s right baby. You got him. Yea baby, Yea, baby, Yea, baby. That’s right. You got him papi...

And that was the end. 8th round. Done. Mayorga didn't want to have the interview. He should have. He is good. But my Trinidad is better.

Now Mr. Guy with 2 kids. He doesn't work tomorrow right. So instead of spending more of he's time with me he wants to go and go to sleep. Now I thought that was foul. You not working tomorrow so spend more time with me dumb ass. I don't think it's me to be honest. It can't be. I hope its not the age. He's 31/32. I forgot. It can't be the age. Let me find out its me. Nah, can't be. Did I say something wrong. I don't think I did. Well that was a turn off today. You don't have to work tomorrow, but you come out and say let me go. Not good. I did show some attitude. Then again he probably didn't noticed. I did play it off like it was cool. Well to bad. Till Next Time.

10/04/04 - Monday 3:32Pm

I gained 5lbs. So, that means that I have to try and take them off, this week. Oh yea, my friend, the one that was going to let the guy, she barely knows move in with her in November, actually let him move in last weekend. I think she knows him for 2, months now.

The other day, I felt like I was going to get those weird pains I get in my back. Well I got something but I can't say it was that averse feeling. It was close. I was thinking, image it's cause of my dancing. I really hope it isn't. I actually detest going to bed at times. It's a bad pain. I'm just glad that, I got those paper work done for my Medical Insurance. I Picked, what I thought, was the best one. And hopefully it won't take to long.

I spoke to my ex's brother. I told him to tell this guy "r" that I called. He tells me: "Yo, you seeing someone right now" I told him no, not really. He comes out and says what’s up with you and my brother. So, I told him nothing, we're just friends now. I think its better that way. Other things were more important to him. He tells me, "He's different now". All I could say is "Oh ok, Let him know I called". He said "No doubt" and that was it. (R) and I, are real cool. There is no bad feelings there. He's one of those, that you keep as a friend.

Oh yea I started reading that book "Milk In My Coffee" again. Till Next.

10/07/04 - Thursday 11:38Pm

Well I just joined a Gym today. A 2, year membership. The Good thing is, that I can go to any gym. I had a friend she went to this gym, but she hated the people there. So she barely went. If I don't like the people there, I'm not going to want to go either. Anyways that’s another case. So yea I get to check out every gym. Which, I'll probably be going to the ones in Manh, the most. Maybe, BX.

I sent my sister a Letter. She should have gotten it yesterday. I opened up on a certain topic, Which, I'm not use to. The thing is, she hasn't called me. Let me find out she doesn't know what to say. I did tell her in the letter, that I didn't want to talk about this topic, and never to mention it to me. But, she always calls me, and she hasn't. It nothing bad. It's just a personal feeling I have towards the 1st man in my life. Oh no, wait he's not the 1st man in my life. Sorry he's the 2nd. The first one is (J). Until I have a baby boy I guess. So yea she hasn't called. She better have a good excuse, to why she hasn't called. Every time I send her a letter, she calls to let me know she got it. Well I made it clear I didn't want to talk about it. So, that shit better not have been the reason. Well that’s it for today.

Oh V is coming tomorrow. I'm suppose to get a copy of this letter, for the Apartments Downtown. Till Next Time

10/13/04 - Wednesday 11:08Pm

What's up? Don't you hate it when you're in a good mood and someone fucks it up for you. Well, for the last few days the one that has been fucking it up for me has been Victor. He asked me a while back to forgive him, and that he stills cares for me etc......I kept telling him I don't want Anything to do with him. To leave me the fuck alone. So for a few weeks he left me alone. Right when I thought I got rid of him, guess who try's to contact me threw e-mail. Yep Vic. I told him that I Can't Stand Him. For him to leave me the Fuck alone. I just want him to leave me alone, to be honest. You know what, he fucked up so hey, the least you can do is leave a girl alone. So while I'm trying to curse him out, say mean things to him. He keeps saying nice things back.

Example:

Victor: I miss you Eni, and I was wrong for doing what I did, but Are you going to hate me forever? Love you no matter what...

Eni: So To Answer ur question. If I'm ever going to forgive you? Well, sweetie, don't hold your breath on it, cause I don't want you to Die...Will not forgive you no matter what

Vic: Regardless of how you feel right now... I still love you, and always will. Even if I die, from holding my breath... Love you!

Eni: I can't believe how you blowing off what I just told you. I get upset, when I think about you....Do you understand that.....Leave me alone please..

Vic: I am not blowing off what you are saying, I just figure we can talk. I miss you Eni. Damn, I miss you. I don't want to leave you alone cause I love you. Why are you jumping to conclusions? why, don't you at least think that she could have just told you all those things just to piss you off. I could never hate you. I still love you and always will. Regardless. Then he mention about his business.

Eni: I never did anything to hurt you. That's why you have no reason to hate me.

Well, that's not exactly how the conversation went, but that was the main convo. But those are the things that were said to one another.

Well, this is the thing I'm not a bad hearted person. So, every time I wrote, mean things to him he came back with sweet things. And that's when I started feeling like, Am I being a mean bitch now? But then I thought, wait a minute I'm actually feeling bad here. I shouldn't feel bad for someone, who did, what he did to me. Well all I have to do is think back to that day so I can remember how much I can't stand him. Well, enough about him

Well my brother was at work right. So this man, comes up to him, so he can help him, right. Now my brother is there helping, and all of a sudden this man comes out and says, " You look like an attractive guy". So my brother said he said ,Thank You and continued doing what he was doing. Then, the man comes out of no where and tells him, " Look I have a proposition for you" I have a beautiful wife, but I like to watch her get fucked by other men. I just like to watch. So my brother said, he couldn't believe the shit that came out of this guys mouth. So, he just said oh really. So the man takes out he's Pocket Pc and tells him look this is my wife. Turns out he showed my brother his wife getting fucked by someone else. So the man says, "I have a beautiful wife right" So my brother says, yes she's attractive. Then the man says "Look I'll give you $1000 or $2000 if you just let me watch you Fuck my wife. So my brother tells him " Wow you serious". Then the man ask’s him "Do you have a big Dick". My brother was like "Listen my man you don't know me like that". Then my brother was like look I'm going to go now. Then the man took my brothers business card and wrote his # on it and told him if he changed his man to give him a call.....

Now isn't that some shit. There's a lot of crazy people in NYC. Don't get me wrong I have had my share of crazy as offers. So that didn't surprise me one bit...Well let me go. Till Next Time

10/15/04 - Wednesday 11:08Pm

Well, Yesterday I called Victor. I haven't called this boy since, that big shit blew up, about the other chick. Well, he kept telling me, how much he needs to talk to me. So like I said in the last entry I asked him to leave me alone. He wouldn't. So I made a deal with him. I told him, if I called him, and let him say what he had to say, that he has to leave me alone. And never Contact me again. He agreed. So I called.

Funny thing is, I was actually nervous when I was calling him. So phone rings. I don't even get to say hi, or ask "Can I speak to Victor", cause, the first thing out his mouth, when he picked up was "Eni". Funny thing would of been, if it wasn't me, and it was his girl-friend. Which let me just add he said he Didn't have one..I really don't know if he does or doesn't. Which I don't care. I rather, keep thinking that he Does, to be honest. That way I can keep hating him. Well even if he's single, I'll still would. Its just more if isn't. Well, Anyways, I had that talk with him. It was basically him apologizing about what he did. And the whole I miss you, love you thingy. Well, like I said I was nervous when I was calling at first, but after I heard his voice and he spoke for a while, I felt like this is the Victor I know. Honestly after that shit that happened, I felt like I didn't even know him. I didn't even know, if he even felt guilty, for what he did. I'm glad to know he did. And I'm glad I let him apologize, to be honest.

It doesn't even feel like a Friday. I still don't know when is my School Exam. Which sucks. I want to get it, over and done with.

Ok, Now I don't know if it's just me, but I feel uncomfortable exercising with a guy. Now, it has nothing to do with the whole jumping up and down doing cardio in front of him or anything with exercise really. Come one now I have been dancing for years my thing is dancing in front of men. I'm use to that.

My problem is, That I start thinking Sexual stuff, about the guy. I can't have a guy in front of me sweating. Mind you I hate seeing men sweat. But, the only thing that comes to mind when I think is Sexual. Now don't get me wrong its not with all men. I'm able to exercise with a man over fifty without me thinking sexually about him. Then again I don’t know anyone that age that exercise.

I even have this other problem, which I tried explaining this to my friends, but they don't get it. Ok I have this thing with men in Jeans. Well not really just jeans it's how they sit. It's a certain look in the waist area that turns me on. I don't know how to explain it and writing it might not even come out right. Well let me just get to the point. When I see a guy sitting, let's say on a sofa, I start thinking of Sexual shit. Example, my self sitting on him. I must sound like a pervert right about now. HAHAHAHAHa.

Ok Like once I passed threw a store and this cute as guy was in front, in a chair, leaning back a little and the first thing I noticed was his dick area and that’s when I starting thinking the same shit. Now I know it's normal when guys think of girls cause come on guys imagine girls all the time when they pass by. It's just weird. Lets put it this way, I'm not explaining it correctly. So don't even try to understand it.

Oh ok wait, I got one. Lets do celebrities. Lets say 50 cents. Now this nigga has a hot body. He's face is nasty, but that body is hot. Now you see how his jeans look on him. That’s the look that turns me on. Another one, is Busta Rhymes. I think I'm spelling it wrong. But anyways. See how he looks in jeans notice how it's similar to 50 cents. That’s the look that I can't see a guy sitting down with cause when I do I think of my self getting on them. It must sound crazy to everyone, but hey what can I say. Now people don't go thinking that every guy that’s sit's on a sofa is going to turn me on cause it won't. I don't like, first of all skinny as niggas. Let me stop here. I talking to much shit. Till Next Time

10/17/04 - Sunday 6:19Pm

What's up...Well, I'm still talking to that guy I had mentioned before...Now, one thing I don't like is, when you been going out with someone a while, and they already want you to put a label to the relationship...My thing is, just to let it be. If we're having fun, don't fuck shit up. Now I brought that up to this guy. And he said that he doesn't expect me to put a label to anything. And why, should we, when we're having Fun and Enjoying each others company...He said just cause he takes me out 20, times doesn't mean we have to decide where we stand. And even if Months go by, we don't have to say anything to each other. We know, we enjoy each other, and that's all that matters...To be honest when he said that I was happy. I hate having to label shit. If I'm having fun with him, that's all that matters. When we No Longer enjoy each others company, that's when we need to sit down and talk about where this shit is going. Besides that just let it be....So I'm glad he made that clear to me..In fact I love that fact that he's just letting it be. If we hang out every weekend so let it be.

Oh, about my last entry, don't even bother with that shit. I didn't explain my self well. So let that go..I had something else, but I just went, blank. I'll post it up later, If I remember.

Oh yea, My Dear, friend Douglas invited me to Miami. Turns out he left me E-mails. The thing is I don't check that e-mail often. He said he called my house a whole mess of times. He said it was either busy or they told him I wasn't there. Which he probably tried twice the most. Anyway, He told me that I would have had fun cause, while he had to do his conferences, I was going to be taken around in a Limo the whole time I was there. He's a scientist. Very nice friend. I told him next time to try harder. He says I should check my E-mails more often. Which is true. Let's see if next time, I get to go with him. Till Next.

10/25/04 - Monday 12:40Pm

Well, I finished reading Milk In My Coffee. It was good. It took me so long to read. I only read like 1 chapter a day. Or every other day. I finished it yesterday. Yesterday I started reading In The Presence Of My Enemies. Oh yea, I wanted to print out my Journal pages. Also, since lately I haven't been writing in my book Journal, I figured I'll just print these out and staple them to my book. Yes, I'm being lazy. So! But, then I was thinking, should I just save it on a disk. Then, what happens if my Disk gets fucked up one day. That's the end of that. Then again with having paper, someone can read it. Well, when I get ink for my printer, then I'll see what I'm going to do.

Oh yea, this guy (Angel) said the sweetest thing. Ok, this had happened before to someone I know, and I remember telling that person, she's fucking lucky, cause guys don't do shit like that. Well, I had gone over my Cell minutes, and I was bitching about it. And It wasn't just 10 20 minutes. Everyone knows how that shit works. It's an arm and a leg after that. Well, I was talking about it, and he came out and said, "Well, just check out how much over, and I'll pay for it", don't worry. Now, I did mention, that I have only been talking to him, and I couldn't believe, I was that careless to not noticed. Now, when does a guy really give a fuck, about the shit you have to pay. Really! The sweet part to me was that he felt that since most of my minutes were used with him that he should help me out with that. That was Sweet. I don't give a fuck what anyone says. And no a drug dealer boyfriend doesn't count. Drug dealers have the money to help their girls out. Well, some do. I'm talking about a, regular hard working man.

Now, funny thing is I didn't take the offer. I believe, I'm responsible for my own shit. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I won't ever take the offer. Just not now. Now, another thing to think about is, that I didn't let him, so how do I really know, he would have lived up to his words.

Would he, have lived up to it?

I guess, I would never know. Now don't forget there's always another time. So, till then, I'll take it as in, he was going to live up to his words.

Victor, keeps E-mailing me, cause I refuse to talk to him over the phone. And I reply every time he writes, cause I am bored and have nothing else to do. Till Next Till.

10/30/04 - Saturday 11:24Am

Well, me like an Ass, I just deleted something important, for not paying attention..I hate when I do stupid shit like that. My sister is here. I told Victor I was going to block him for E-mailing me. He asked me not to do it, but I know for a fact that, that’s probably the best thing to do. I have told him, a few times that I hate him. But I don't. I just say it, to say it. Not cause I do. I don't like what he did. But hate is not what I feel for him. I just can't stand him. HAHAHA. That is understandable. Isn't it? I hope everything goes well for him.

I only slept 4 hours last night. My school exam, is now for December 7th. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I deleted this fucking e-mail. Noticed how I ended last entry with (Till Next Till) That's what happens when I'm not paying attention. Till Next Time.

11/01/04 - Monday 4:47 Pm

What's up..Well election day is tomorrow. I wonder who is going to win. I think, the person I think should win, is not going to win. Oh yea, I know you people heard about Fidel Castro's fall. Well I actually felt bad when I saw him fall. That was a bad as fall. I hate seeing older people fall. It bothers me.

Oh, I was talking to my friend, the one that invites me every now and then, to go on these important conferences with him. Well, he had read my Journal page, and he tell's me that he Doesn't like the fact, that I write about him on here. Now, I have only written about him, the most 10 times. And I don't even think that much. Well, yea he tell's me that. So I asked him, why? What's the big deal. Half of the people that read my page, don't even know me personally. It's not like they going to be like "Oh yea that must be the Doctor she talk's about in her page". They don't see me, and they don't see him. So people can't say shit. I was thinking, people that don't want or like to be mentioned, you know what, the only way your not going to be mentioned, is if your not in my life. So only you can change that. Even people, I don't give to fuck's about, get talked about here. People I don't know personally, that probably pass me by might get talked about here. Their names won't be mentioned but they might be acknowledged. It could just be a person, I thought was very friendly to me in the train. It could be anything.

Well back to him. So I asked him "Why you hiding something". He goes "Yea you're my nicest secret, my tyni treasure". I started laughing. He was just being sarcastic. So yea he didn't say anything after that. Well I guess that's it. Till Next.

11/04/04 - Thursday 10:39 Pm

Well, everyone must know by now, that Bush, was elected for the next 4 yrs.

Now, I decided that starting tomorrow, I have to do drastic measures, to drop down some weight. I have been going up, and I don't know why. And I know it's not my eating. At first, I thought is was muscle gain, but not anymore. So yes, I know I have said before, that I hate and don't do diets, cause I rather just burn what I eat, but I feel the need to. None of that muscle gain excuse. Muscle gain my Ass. So yes, I'm doing drastic measures. I won't say what I'm doing on here, cause I don't Want To Hear, what's not good for me. I know what I'm doing is not healthy, but it's not bad bad. I'm just doing it for 2 weeks anyways. And for the record, I just want to put it out there, NO, And I Repeat NO It Is Not Starving Myself Or Barfing. I'm not sick in the head like that. When I say drastic measures, it's really not what you think. I call it drastic cause I can't eat what I want. So, don't think anything bad, cause that's not my style. I just wanted, to put that out there.

So yea, I'm starting tomorrow. Only 2 weeks. No biggy. Till Next

11/10/04 - Wednesday 11:54 Pm

What's up. I made an appointment, for a whole Physical, and the Month they gave me was January. That's 2, Month's from now. That's a long fucking time from now. Anyway. Remember I said I had to do my drastic measures. Well, I haven't started. I'm bad.

It's fucking freezing in my room. Everyone knows my room problem. I'm cold right now. I need to stop sleeping, in these tiny Sleeveless, Dress Pajama's. I need some nice Sweat's & A Fat Sweater. They tell me all the time, to leave my room Door open so the heat can come in, but I'm not feeling that. I don't like knowing someone can look in my room, while I'm sleeping. Till Next.

11/21/04 - Sunday 1:15 Pm

What's up. I got a date for my test. I just finish studying. There are a few things in my life, that might change, in the next 4 months. I'm not saying what exactly. I'll mention it, when it does happen. There was a change in plans for thanksgiving. I'm meeting my girlfriends man on Thanksgiving. I no longer, get those weird pains in my back. Which is a Beautiful thing. On Christmas, I'm going to my brother's house. Don't know who else is going.

While in school, I want to take this training. It's only for 2 months. Which is ok, cause they get you a job. Also it's in the field I'm taking in college. So when I finish the training, I could start working. And by the time I finish school, not only I have my degree, I have enough experience that I can get paid the big bucks. Now let's just see if I can get in. Cause it's hard to get in I heard. Well I tried giving a little here & there. So Till Next Time.

11/24/04 - Wednesday 11:41 Pm

Well, tomorrow is THANKSGIVING. So happy Thanksgiving. I'm actually doing the Potato Salad right now. I'm doing it right now cause, tomorrow I just want to get up, get dressed, do my hair and makeup and wait for everyone else. Unfortunately, it's not going to be that simple, cause tomorrow I have to peel, Platanos. HAHAHA. Since, I'm in charge of that as well. So, I decided I'm going to get dress, and do the platanos all dressed up..Well let me go. Happy Turkey. Till Next.

12/04/04 - Saturday 12:49Pm

What's up? Well, let start from Thanksgiving Day. Everything went well. I ate twice. Well, more like 3 hours later. Well, not really, my second plate, I just picked at it and left almost the whole thing. I met my girls man. Very friendly guy, Cute too. I met the last guy she was with, but I can say I like this one better. And believe it or not the other guy was more social, Well my girl did say he was nervous about meeting everyone, but this guy gives out better vibes. It's weird. I was just telling her that today to. Just cause your more social doesn't mean your better. Well, yea he's good.

On Tuesday night, I tried to force my self to sleep early cause I had a lot of shit to do that Wednesday. I actually gave my self a headache for doing that. Well, I ended up knocking out at 2 something in the morning. I woke up at 5:00Am. Went to this Appointment to register for a grant, for school. After that, I had to Go to the school and speak to some lady there. I go, it turns out she had to explain to us what was going to happen. This lady that was there was funny, but spoke so well. And she was very nice.

Anyway, I go downstairs there is this guy in front of the building. I go to him and ask him, what bus is it that I need to take to go back uptown. Nigga tells me to stay right there, since the bus passes right in front. Now all I see was the 19 bus going by. And someone told me it was a different bus. So, I see 2 buses go by. I look back at him and I ask him, if he was sure it passes right in front. Then he tells me (I thought it did). Then, I decided to walk down the block and check. Didn't see shit. So I stop these 3 guys and asked them. The one in the middle was cute, I must say. So yea, I found the bus cause of them. I hit 125th street. Then I'm telling my cousin that I have to stop and eat, cause I haven't eaten anything all day, my Exam was at 4Pm, It was already 1:30Pm. So I had to look around for some place to eat. I didn't see any pizza place so I had to go to Mc D's. Yea I know.

Well, I get there, I see mad people waiting outside the school. This guy starts talking to me asking me shit. Everyone gets in the convo. So, lucky for me the last 45 minutes of waiting wasn't that bad.

I sat next to this guy, which I must say, I must have drove him nuts. I was lost, I think I asked him like 20 questions before the test started. He was sweet. On Thursday, when I saw him again, I told him (I apologized if I drove You nuts with all my questions yesterday. Of course he said I didn't. There was this other guy there, that wouldn't stop looking at me. I kept catching him staring at me. One time, I just looked at him to see what he was going to do, but he just kept looking. He could have at least smiled. He seemed shy. He was cute. I ended up coming out at 9:00Pm. When I came out, I see the guy I was talking to before, and he was waiting for me so he can drive me home. Sad thing is, I was going to meet up with My cousin (M) to go see Alexander The Great. So, I thanked him for waiting. Then I went, my way and he went to his car. I got home last night at 3:30Am. Ended up going to bed at 4:45Am.

I spoke to my sister today. She was asking me about the test, and how did it go. She's coming in 2 weeks. So yea, that's all that's been going on.

I got to see the Incredibles on Wednesday. It was funny, but not like some people been saying. I did enjoy Alexander The Great. I think Angelina Jolie Looks So Hot there. She's hot looking. Well, that's all for now. Oh yea, I need to go to that place for the grant in 3 weeks.

12/7/04 - Tuesday 11:51 Pm

Well, I really don't want to fix my room right now. I'm really dreading it. I'm suppose to get everything out of my room tonight, cause they're fixing it tomorrow.. I have to pack all my shit up, and leave it packed up for the next 3/4 days.. It might take them like 3, days to fix, then after that they have to paint.

I had my nails done last week. I think my hair is falling out cause of stress. Its different if I gave myself my own stress, but the sad thing is other people are the cause of my stress...I'm so serious...I can't wait...

Let me go and fuck up my room. I hate this shit. Well, at least I get to wipe everything and put it back in place, where their done. Oh yea they are going to fix my light. My light isn't working. That's why I haven't been able to read my book. No light in my room. I usually read before I'm going to bed, but hey, maybe starting Monday I'll be able to again. Till Next Till

12/18/04 - Saturday 10:56 Pm

What's up? Well, let me just say I got my new Cell Phone. New carrier and all. To much bullshit, I had to deal with. Oh yea, in my last entry I mention that my room was getting fixed right. Well, I thought it was going to take like 3/4, day's. Turns out, they are not done. I didn't think it was going to take this long. They might be done this Tuesday or Wednesday.

I'm trying to remember some stuff I wanted to post on here. All I can remember is my phone. My sister is coming on Wednesday. Spoke to my niece today. She was happy about the Snowman card I sent her. I'm dying to fix my room. All my shit is Upside down.

I have 2 more appointments, before getting the grant in my hands, for school. I can't wait to get my results, from my exams. That's another shit I'm worried about. I think I failed one test. Which Sucks. Worst shit is, I'm here thinking I failed 1 out of 6 exams, and it turns out, I failed more then one. That would really suck. I'm here trying to remember what else I wanted to put on here, but I can't remember so, I'll leave it at that. Till Next Time

12/20/04 - Monday 10:56 Pm

Well, I cried today. Turns out, Out of the 6 Exams, I failed 2. I don't know why I cried. I wasn't that upset about it. I just wanted to cry. I think what got me more upset was, the fact that my mother thought I passed, and she came to me with my letter and said: Oh I think You Passed. I got excited for a minute there, and when I looked, it had 2 failed. To good to be true. I did mention to everyone, that I knew I failed one. I have always passed exams, cause I worked hard for it. I never been a lucky person in that sense. I know dumb ass people, that could take the same test as I did and pass it, all cause of luck.

Well I'm not sad. I think I felt like I had to be. Does that make sense to you. Probably not. Oh yea when I told my sister bitched laughed. Not at the fact that I failed, but at the fact that I thought for a minute there that I had passed. My best friend just said: Oh, You'll pass it next time. Told her as well, how I thought for a minute there that I passed cause my mother said I did. All she said was "Damn, Not Good". Yea it's sad. I got excited for a minute there. Thank goodness I didn't go jumping up and down around the house saying, "I passed, Yes I passed" then had read it and been like whattttt..Till Next Time...

12/23/04 - Thursday 11:22 Pm

What's up? Well, my room is done. Tuesday I was cleaning the whole day. I was done at 2:30, in the morning. My feet were in pain. My room looks very pretty now.

So, I ended up going to bed around 3,Am I had to wake up at 5Am that morning. I went to that school I had to go to. Spoke to this lady there. She gave me this paper, I needed to give the people that I'm trying to get the grant from to. I went to use the restroom before I left the building, and head to my grant appointment. So, I use the restroom, and I put that important paper on top of this thing there, and walked out of the place with no paper. I ended up finding out after I was already in the train. Once I was there they mentioned, that we need to complete a whole mess of steps, before getting the grants. Which I already knew. It can't be that easy. Then again, I think its worth it. Well, I had to call the school I just went to, and tell them what happened. The front desk lady already knew, cause once I mentioned it she said "Oh yes we have your paper here" I asked her if it could be mailed out to me, she said sure. So, hopefully I'll get that in a few days.

Well, when I was at the place for my grant, there was these 2 guys there, that were not bad looking. when we were online to go in the classroom I was listening to their conversation. They were fucking loud. And I was bored. All I heard was some shit about, them wanting to stop by some block to pick up some smoke. Then, after that I ignored the convo. So, I sat all the way in the back of the room. They had to sit in the front. Every time the teacher was talking I was looking at the teacher of course. But I had a direct view to one of the guys cause, he was sitting looking towards the back. I tried not to look his way, but I couldn't help it. Every time I was paying attention to the teacher I would glance to the side cause I felt someone looking at me. When I would catch him, he would change his face. His boy was funny. You can tell he's the clown. Well, when the class was done and I was walking out, the clown said something to me, I couldn't get what he said, all I remember after that, was that he said "Ok bye, I see you next time" And all I said was "Bye" and smiled.

After the school I had to go pick up my sister. We meet in 66st. We went, bought the tickets for that movie, "Closer". We went to eat. We had to wait for my best friend. Went to the gap.

Oh yea, we were talking about these hats in the gap, so my sister comes out and says "V what about that ovaries color". I stood quiet, my best friend just looked at my sister, then at me and looked back at the hats. I was like, looking for this new color hat that I never heard about. After that everyone started laughing. I couldn't stop laughing. My sister was laughing her ass off. The color she wanted to say was "Ivory". Well, it was funny to me.

The movie was pretty good. Very blunt, which I liked. I did knock out for like 3 minutes. Hello, I had only slept 2 hours that night. Then, we walked to catch the D train to my best friends house. I had to print out these papers for my school thingy. Then I finally got home sweet home Till Next Time.

12/31/04 - Friday 6:43 Pm

What's up? Like 2, weeks ago I did a fasting. I couldn't eat anything, just drink. The Christmas get together was good. We had a lot of fun. We did a big Christmas dinner. We played different games. By the time we were done, I lost my voice.

There was a huge fight in the house. Broken glass, Cut up finger, glass all over me. When the glass was broken I was right under the glass. I had to rinse my hair. The cops were called. One was cute. The other one was funny. End of that. Me my sister, (I) and Armando, went to see darkness. That was the worst movie I have ever seen. It was a waste of money. Like I have told other people --->

Don't waste your money on that peace of shit movie. When it comes out on Blockbuster, Don't waste your $5 on it. And when it comes out on TV don't even waste your time.

Plan & Simple.

The only thing good about that day was, this guy at the donut shop. Cute as Guy. Cutest Smile. That was it.

Spoke to Victor. He said what he wanted to say. I listened, said what I had to say. He tells me to lets try it again, but sad thing is I don't trust that man. Probably never will. Maybe only as a friend. One day. Well, people Happy New Year. Have fun. Don't Drink And Drive.

Love Eni

1/01/05 - Saturday 3:18Pm

Happy New Year

Yesterday went well. We all drank. I felt lonely after I drank for a second there. I don't mean lonely as in I want a boyfriend. More like I want to play with someone. It's weird I can't describe it. I won't say it was horniness, cause I don't think it was that. Well, who knows a little more, you never know. Mind you, I didn't drink much. Just enough to feel, what ever was it that I felt. Funny thing is after I noticed that little feeling, I was good. Then, like a little later, I noticed it went away, so I tried to start drinking again just so I can get that feeling back. It didn't work. So I stopped, cause I don't like drinking anyway.

Good thing is, the drinks were fruity Drinks, not that nasty shit people be drinking.

Now, I don't drink for shit. I do know now, next time we decide to drink whether it be a holiday or vacation, I need a guy friend there. That way, I don't get that feeling and have to deal with it myself. It was a good feeling. I don't know, but I liked it. I'm not a drinker so I can't tell you exactly what I felt. Some people say it was just plan horniness. I just didn't drink enough, so I didn't react to it. I don't think it was, but you never know.

Well, Hanoi called me. Angel which I thought would be the first one, wasn't. Instead, I called him first.

Ok, I have these classes I have to take, to get certified, for what I'm doing. Now, I have to pick a school. The school I think would be best, is in Queens or Brooklyn, I don't even know. So yea, I have to take the B train then get off some stop, then take a bus. I'm willing to do it, but some people are telling me it might be dangerous since, I will be getting out of school around 10:00Pm. Plus I don't know the area. This is going to sound bad, but I see Queens & Brooklyn like different States. I know, Its sad. Especially the fact that I live in New York City. Every time, I went there was with someone I was dating, that had a car. One time I took the 7 train I think it was, and while I was there, for one minute I thought I went to mexico, or peru. Mind you I even thought about moving to Queens at one time. Anyway its true, it could be dangerous. Now, Angel tells me, "Baby don't worry about it, I'll pick you up every day after school". Which sounds so good. Then again, what happens when he can't. Plus, I don't like counting on anyone for shit. That’s just me. So, Now I have to pick another school, which sucks ass. Till Next Time.

1/05/05 - Wednesday 12:21 Am

I forgot to mention this on my last entry. I was downloading the new version of itunes. While downloading, I thought I fucked up, so I canceled. This popup thingy came out and read: Are you sure you want to cancel download? If you do &%$%$*&%*%&#^DYTF&^#$^%*&R^^RF&. That’s what I basically saw, since I didn't take the time to finish reading it. I just assumed, what it was going to say. So I click Yes. After I do that, I try to look for my itunes. It's no where to be found. I start to panic. Then I go to the setup thingy see if that was still there, so I can figure it out from there. A pop-up error came out. I try to restore my computer. It can't be restored. I don't know how to use that restore bullshit anyway. Every time I try to restore the computer, it just doesn't. I must be doing something wrong. Anyway, so, I am stressed, my sister is just like: No, you fucking didn't. All I can think of is, that night it took us more then 12, hours to put all our cd's in there. I told her, I wasn't doing that shit again. I restarted my computer hoping it would come back on. Nada, Zip. Anyway, turns out I just ran the setup again and it all came back. I was taking to long to get to the point. I hate when I do that.

Well, this whole school thingy is stressing me out. I want to read like 6, books at once but I can't. 3, has to do with school, the others are my accounting & bookkeeping books. I can't do it, I need to chill. Today I was in my room, my mother walks in and tells me "You need an office". I had that in mind, but turns out my sister might move in with me, when she comes back to New York. So, the bedroom I was going to use as an office, is going to her. Then again, there's nothing like being able to walk in your house, how ever you please. I don't mind at all if she rooms with me. That can wait.

I am scared of coming home alone at night. I'm a baby when it comes to that. That's one of the good thing's about having a man. When you come home, he is there. If anything he can be down stairs, when your getting home. And if he doesn't live with you, he can at least take you home. And if he doesn’t want to stay, at least he made sure your home safe.

Oh yea, Victor said I'm slowly becoming an asshole. I found that very funny. It's funny cause it's out of character for him to be an ass to me. I'm usually the mean/rude one. When he said that, I just started laughing. He apologized for coming out like that. One thing I noticed is that he never confirmed that what I told him was bullshit. So it must be true about the whole naming shit after people. It doesn't bother me. Or does it? I'm joking. I just think, I don't need to know this. Maybe I should tell him to go check out that movie "Darkness". HAHAHAHa, Que Mala. That shit suck's Ass.

1/22/05 - Saturday 11:59 Pm

What's up? I had my last appointment for my grant. Thank goodness. The lady was actually going to make me go back next week, so I can fix one of my papers. I'm thinking heck no, I'm not coming back here. I only want to come back when I have to pick up my money for school. So I asked if I can make a few phone calls to have the papers faxed to her. She said, no problem. So, that's what I did. And I was done.

I have my "whole physical" appointment for next week. I had to call the clinic to ask what happens if I get my period next week. Since I didn't get it this week, like I was suppose to. She said not to worry that I won't have to wait another 2 months for an appointment. I can have it the following week. So That's good. I want to get the whole physical done and over with. My girl said they might take the HIV test as well, since it's going to be my first time to that clinic. I really don't care. I just want to know about my cholesterol and shit like that. Hopefully I don't get my period so I can get it done next week. Well, no I do want my period just not on that day.

It's been snowing all day today. 2005 blizzard. My best friend started her Masters Program today. Lucky Bitch. She must feel real good. I forgot to ask her that to. I'll ask her when she comes, "On how she felt starting her masters" already. It's just school but it must feel real good. I hope this entry saves. Lately its been acting up. Till Next Time.

1/29/05 - Saturday 1:22 Pm

What's up? I think I'm getting a surprise get-together today. Everyone is acting a little funny. Also they want me to get dressed up today cause people are coming over, but then again they say it's for something else. So that's a clue there. I found it funny yesterday.

Since I can't be a fake and act like I don't have a clue, I mentioned that something's funny about them. Just to let them know I have a clue. I'm not going to be fake and be like "Wow I didn't even know."

As soon as I said that, the conversation changed cause something else came up. Image I'm thinking it's a little party for me and it's not. That would be funny. Then again there's no reason for party's but my celebration.

So I put on makeup already, I'll get dressed up later. Well, let's see. Till Next Time

2/01/05 - Tuesday 12:40am

Well, I got my physical done. Now I'm there in my gown looking around. I look at the different birth controls which catch my eyes. I look at the pick of the pregnant lady, and I start thinking imagine the day I'm here for that. NO fucking way. Then I start looking at the shit the doctor is going to use on me. So, I'm sitting there thinking does she want me to take off my panties now, or does she want to come in and talk to me first since it is my first time there. So, I sit there should I take it off now. Then I tell myself, (Nah I'll just wait). She comes in ask's all the normal questions. Tell's me she need's my signature for the AIDS test. I said, sure. Then she leaves for a minute tell's me to take my under clothing off.

So, she comes in and right be hide her comes this other chick. Now, I'm thinking this bitch is leaving. Turns out she doesn't. The doctor does the breast exam. Everything is fine. Chick is still there. I have no problem cause Tit's are just Tit's. Then she lift my gown up. I'm caught off guard cause I thought the chick was going to be out by then.

I'm there starting to think wait is this chick going to be here for the whole shit. I didn't say anything. They do the whole Gyn physical. I'll get over it. The girl was nice enough not to look once of course. Then I have to draw blood. The chick that just was in the room with me is the one who's drawing the blood. So, I figure let me just start a conversation since the chick already saw my pussy the first time the doctor just lifted up my gown.

She was nice, I could say that.

Now my problem is that I asked my sister if the first time she went there, there was a chick in the room with her. She said NO. Just her and the doctor. Now that's fucked up. It always happens to me. I really can't do much now. I don't even want to ask this chick cause if she says her self noone was in the room, I'm going to feel even worst.

Don't get me wrong, the girl only looked that time that the doctor first lifted up the gown. Then again, I think the doctor should have at least made a movement like she's going to do it now. If she would have, I know the girl would have changed her face as well. Anyway. Over and done with. I under stand that a lot of male doctors have nurses in the room with them when that goes down, but most female doctors don't. I'm not letting it go am I.

Oh yea, I did get that little get-together. It was nice. My sister got mad cause she wasn't here.

My sister was telling me that her ex was throwing shit out in her face today. One of the thing's he mention was about vacation. I found it funny how my sister said he said it. So, Mr. Ex say's to her,

"I think you have been very selfish during the relationship. You and your sister and your friends would go travel the whole world and not once would you invite me."

Now, when my sister said that I started laughing. What he doesn't know is that I did mention to my sister once, that it would be nice if in one of our vacations he could go. Now, we like to do the whole vacation thingy with just us girls only, but with other people could be just as fun or maybe even more. She told him that he's fucking bugging and why does he want to go when it's only girl's. Now when I mention to my sister about him going once she did not really like the idea. Not cause she doesn't like to go on vacation with her man, but because it might not be as much fun, cause at least once/ twice they might get into a fight. Which it is foul when someone fucks up your vacation. I do agree. Well, I can't remember what else I was going to write. Till Next Time

2/02/05 - Wednesday 11:45Pm

My mami got me the perfume I wanted (Miracle). Another high-light of the day was when I spoke to my dad. It's a high-light cause it's today. He tell's me "Oh mamita I wanted to ask you this last time but I for got" I'm like what happen?

He goes "Do you have a boyfriend or are you planning on getting married anytime soon.

I'm like no. I have a friend, That's all. If I had any plans on getting married you would know cause I would have to tell, since you have to give me away. Then He say's (True, and I have to come up with at least some of the money). I told him not to worry about that, cause I've always told myself if I ever get married, my man and myself are going to have to pay for it. My dad is not rich, I can't go to him and say "Oh dad my wedding is coming up, please come up with the money. I'm glad that he feel's like he has to part take in it, but I hate having to see my parents have to go out there way to do stuff for me. Actually I love it. My mami does it all the time. But me and my brother got her.

I just want to do what I have to do. Make enough money to take good care of myself and them when they need me. Even after the fact that my dad has been fucked up for 6 or more years now. But I know once I hear that he needs something I know I will help him. That's just me.

2/09/05 - Wednesday 11:45Pm

Well, I got a message from the doctor saying to call them. So I call them Tuesday morning. The receptionist tell's me that the doctor want's me to come in cause she want's to talk to me. So I'm like what the fuck she's talking about. So I start thinking, (Imagine there's something wrong with my Pap Smear). Not once do I think it has to do with anything else. So this person (M) tell's me:

(M):"Imagine it has to do with your AIDS test".

Me: I'm like nah, I'm very careful trust me.

(M): But imagine.

Me: Hello I'm a freak when it comes to things like that. I don't play

(M): But you never know.

Me: Am I stuttering. 1) I am careful with who I get with. 2) I always use Condom's. 3) I don't find it a complement when a guy tell's me he feels he can trust me to the point that he wouldn't be afraid of having sex with me without a condom. Unlike some girls that think, that's sweet and loving and fall for the bullshit, I don't.

I have had a few guys say that shit to me and its always a Turn Off and always will be. I have had a guy say that while we were about to, and right there and then I just looked at him and asked "What did you say" He says: "I trust you enough that I don't want to use a condom." That shit was the dumbest shit that man has ever said to me during our whole dating relationship. All I did was, ask him to get off of me so I can get up. He asked me what happen. I told him it was that comment he gave, and that cause of that I really didn't trust him now. Then he tells me "You don't feel good that I trust you that much". I'm like "Nigga how many girls have you said some dumb shit like that to", He says "never your the first". I'm like my man we know each other for a long time now but, at the same time you really don't know shit about me. He tried to flip the shit on me and say that's my fault. I told him, to late for that. Then he was like "yo I wouldn't do anyone without a condom". I'm like "You just said right now you didn't want to use shit" He was like nah, but I wouldn't have done it. Right there he pissed me off, cause not only is he a nasty ass, but now he's a Nasty Lying Ass.

Oh shit I just noticed I never finished my point. Well, my doctor called me cause she wanted to take another blood test that was it. Everything else was good. So that's a good thing.

I am going to be stress for the next 2, weeks. Very stress at that. My brother is coming this weekend. We have 2 full bags of gifts for the baby. I'm at that point I want something good to keep me occupied.

Oh yea, I have noticed that young guys today are to hot. I mean I seen this 17/18 yr old that was to hot. I was telling my sister, if they keep looking like that, I don't know, but I might change my whole thing about not dating young guys cause of their immaturity. It's crazy. Some are just adorable looking. Don't get me wrong, not all are young & cute as hell, but you get those here and there that you have to just look at the girl next to you like, (Oh goodness). Till Next Time.

2/16/05 - Wednesday 1:18Am

What's up? My brother came this weekend. It was fun having them here. My niece is so big. She talk's so much. I hugged her so much this weekend. I kissed her like crazy. She slept with me on my bed. I had put her towards my feet so I don't touch her, and In the middle of the night she wakes up crying a little and moves towards my pillow and say's "Titi I want to lay over here with you". I'm like: Ok mama. I gave her a little bit of water then laid down next to her, and she hugged me while she slept. When I woke up in the morning I didn't think she was going to wake up as well, but she did. I thought she was exhausted to the point she wouldn't wake up that early. My best friend and her man was here. My brother had asked me if Eric (V's Man) would like to go to the hallway and smoke. I said yea. Turns out she said she didn't mind, but she would have liked to be the first one to smoke with him. Us girls just thought it was no biggy. V did say she didn't mind cause she did want the guys to get to know each other better. And what better then a smoke. HAHAHAHa.

Oh yea, I wanted to make clear what happen with my Physical, cause I did notice that I didn't say much. Well, my AIDS test is NEGATIVE of course. My sugar she said was little high and that could of been cause I ate something before the test, she said. Which I did. I didn't even mention to her that I did. No, Cholesterol problem. My sister's shit is a little high. Then again, that girl loves eggs. That's about it I guess. Pap Smear was good. I had to retake a test for some other shit there. I'll find out on my next appointment. That's about it I guess.

Oh yea, I notice some girl's at the age of 20/21/22, even 23, sometimes, still have this habit of saying: (iight!). Now I don't know about ya, but that shit look's fucking ugly. A 15/16, year old might get away with that shit but not a girl 20-23, yrs old, give me a fucking break. I understand if you say it when your with your girls to be funny or bug out, but come on. You have girls that because they talk like that they can't even present themself's well in a Job Interview. It's a vicious habit lady's. Till Next Time.

2/24/05 - Thursday 3:43Pm

What's up? The other day my mother was talking to my niece, mami asked her "you want to talk to Titi", She said "yes". I get on the phone I say "Hi mama" She comes out of nowhere and say's, "I don't want to talk to you, I'm still talking to grandma". So I told her "Your mean to me" and gave the phone to my mother. Turns out she felt bad and started crying, and told my mother while she was crying "I'm not a bad person". I made titi feel real bad. So my mother tells me that the baby is feeling bad, so I take the phone back. I'm like "what happen mama". She tell's me crying "I'm a good person" I hurt your feelings, but I didn't mean to. I told her it was ok that I know she didn't want to hurt my feelings. She just turned 3 she doesn't know how to say/express herself the right way yet. I really didn't mean for her to feel bad. Poor Baby.

My favorite show started this Wednesday, "The L Word".

I decided to get the floor in the house fixed. It needs new wood. That's going to cost me an arm and a leg. But I rather get it done and over with. I'm also getting a cat. I want a white one, or one like my last cat. When I go on vacation, I'll just have my little bother stay with her till I get back from vaca. Eric, my best friends man, fixed the other dell computer that was there.

I was telling my sister that I really hate when a guy drives you home and thinks cause you live alone that he's coming up. Now, I'm not a mean person I would hate to have to tell someone "sorry your not coming up today". I really hope noone makes me go through that. I even hate when you want them to come up to spend more time with you, but then again you do want them to go home that same night. Some guys swear cause you invite them up they can stay. I really really hope, next person I get doesn't put me through that. I never have invited my self to someone house. Even when I go to their house for a while I never think I'm staying. Well, actually most of the time I don't want to stay, But I would never come out my face and assume I'm staying. I have stayed in my ex's house, then again its when they ask me before we even go out that night "Baby stay with me tonight". If I want to, I will but, I would never invite myself. Also when your with someone for years I understand you don't need to explain yourself, cause it's a regular thing for you, but come on. Another one is when, they drive you home, and you haven't said anything about them coming up, but then again their looking for parking. Or a guy that knows you have to go to work tomorrow but doesn't say "Baby let me go cause you need to sleep".

I was telling my sister its like you have to let them know on your way home that their not staying by saying shit like

1)Make sure you call me as soon you get home.

2)What are you doing tomorrow.

3)I'm so tired I can't wait to go upstairs and knock out.

4)When you go home late is it easy to find parking.

Its sad, but with certain niggas you have to be like that. I just find it ugly & a turn off, that they come out their face thinking, they coming up when not once you've mentioned it. Another shit is when you do invite them up but they don't leave. I understand if the conversation is going good, or you guys are having fun. Now, guys if your in a girls house and ya both quiet just get your shit and bounce. That could be a clue that she's tired and wants you out. My sister told me once about a guy she knew (Troy) would pretend he was sleeping so he can stay. What kind of shit is that. Your fucking Pathetic if you have to do some type of shit like that. She said she tapped him and told him it was mad late. I really hope I don't get one of those.

I really hope the next guy is mad cool. I won't be afraid to invite him in, cause I know he doesn't think he's staying. That stops a girl a lot of times from inviting a guy in. You're corny if you think your staying, when she hasn't even invited you. I wouldn't invite a guy in if he thinks like that. I'm a nice person, I don't like to be rude, so to keep my self from being rude, if I know you always swear your staying your not getting invited in. That way I don't have to go threw the trouble of saying (Listen you have to go).

Now I give props to girls that don't give a shit, and don't mind being rude. Some chicks be like "Nigga step, I'm tired". It hurts me to be rude. Maybe if I was straight out like that I would have more people over cause I would have no shame in kicking them out. But I have shame, so only guys that make me feel comfortable, and don't come out their faces are the ones that come up. Well, let me try and save this entry.

Oh yea my sister been here for like almost 2 weeks now. She's leaving Thursday. Till Next Time

2/26/05 - Saturday 11:24Pm

I was talking to my sister about having a white party for my next birthday. All the girls have to come dressed in white. Now the guys, I don't know. My sister mentioned about maybe asking the men to come in black. Which is not asking for much. And if they think I am asking for to much, then don't appear at all. She did mentioned that if certain people appear she wouldn't want to stay, (Angie, Iris, Emily, Etc..) cause she can't stand them. I did tell her, I hate those people just as much as she does. But she said that it would be hard for me to tell them to bounce. Now, if its to the point that my sister is going to leave, well it will be done.

Now, since we were talking about party's I asked my her if she would like to do a party for her birthday. She said Hell No. I started laughing and asked her "Why Not". She said that she would feel real bad if noone appeared. I told her "people always appear" at party’s. Then she asked me if I remembered her 15th birthday party, I said No. She said she remembers me appear with the girls, but then leaving cause we had to meet up with some guys, which at the time were called "Vic and Them". As she was telling me this, I couldn't even think how selfish we were that we couldn't leave the guys for one day to spend it with her. She said my dad was there a few of my uncles. She also was punished that day for probably cutting school that week. Anyway, she said ever since that day she can't stand parties. She says all the parties we ever had the most fun, we on my birthday. I had a birthday party from 14 yrs old to 21yr. Then the last 3yrs I had little get-together. Now, I felt so bad when she said that, that I decided if god permits I want to throw her a big Surprise party for her next birthday. A good one to.

She was also telling me that the last time she did a party was at a club, and how she had invited 20 people and only 5 appeared. Mind you, she knows a lot of guys. Then she reminded me that she doesn't have a lot of male friends cause all the guys she know are guys she has been with. Now, I told her that’s why its good to keep your male friends as friends.

Well, besides that I'm want to try to throw her a nice party now.

Angel calls me today acts like nothing happened. Mind its been like 2 weeks since I last heard from him. Which is ok cause we are not a couple, but fuck. What made me cut it off, was when he tried to tell me that he had called me but just didn't leave a message. Now, give me a fucking break my man. If you called my phone would say missed call, and have his # on there. I didn't even give him the chance to say that maybe I had it off, cause I mentioned right away how I never turn off my cell at all. The reason for that is, cause my little brother called me once at 3am saying he wasn't feeling well. So I just dead the shit. I could of just left it like that, but don't try to lie to me cause that's where you are going to fuck your shit up with me. Till Next Time.

3/07/05 - Monday 1:51Pm

What's up? Well, my sister is coming this weekend. She is suppose to come and stay here a while till she find's a place. I asked her yesterday if she's coming to stay or just for the weekend this time. She said just for a few day's. I bought a metro for the month. Do you believe how they raised the fucking prizes again on that shit. Come on. God bless those of you with cars. Then again, gas is another shit they keep raising.

I was talking to my niece two days ago, she was trying to build something with blocks. I kept hearing it fall every now and then, and out of nowhere she comes out and tells me, " I'm getting frustrated Titi." I started laughing. Then she tells me "Tell grandma this is frustrating me." The girl is funny I must say.

I'm reading another Jerome Dickey book, Drive Me Crazy. Its not bad, but not as good as his other books.

To be honest, I miss Angel a little. Why did he have to go lie. I hate that shit. And since I hate liars, I just cut people off quickly. He did say that he was going to show me his cell bill to prove he was calling those 2 weeks. It doesn't even have to go that far to have to prove something to me. Just don't lie to me. Do you know if he would have just said I was so busy, I didn't have much time. I would have been like, (oh, ok) no problem. Hello, I was busy those two weeks as well. I can't bitch if he was busy. Then again, cause he tried to say he called and it just rang was that pissed me off. Like I said my cell is on all day. I would have seen a missed call on my cell if that was the case. I really don't expect to ever see that bill anyway. I told him if he was telling the truth, I will apologize. To be honest, I don't want to see the phone bill. If he shows me the bill, then he does. I would see it just to put everything to the side and move on. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. But I don't think I am. And I don't think I would ever see that bill anyway so. Plus, I told him not to call me anymore.

Oh yea, I'm thinking about putting braces on. My sister thinks I'm crazy. I wanna try it. Now, if I really don't like them, Then I just take them off, thats all. No Biggy. I'm going to look so ugly. HAHAHAHa. Till Next Time.

3/18/05 - Friday 11:38Pm

What's up? Well, last weekend my brother and the baby was here. She’s adorable. Very funny too. Oh yea, my sister decided when she came to "stay for a few days only" that she is staying for good until she finds a place. I feel like I wrote this before. Weird. I got my contacts yesterday. Didn't buy my sneakers. Not going to either.

My sister and my best friend are going to join the gym I'm in. So now I don't have to work out alone. I'm coloring my hair tomorrow to my normal brown. No more high lights. They did look good. And they were not thick high lights, I had the thin ones that look more natural. Maybe I'll do them again some other time. Yesterday we walk around so much my sister and I. My legs are killing me. We were out since 7:30am to 2:00am.

We went to the movies. Saw (Be Cool), (Hotel Rwanda) and (Hitch). Hitch was my favorite. I must say we did a bad thing. We did not pay for all of them, let me just put it that way. My sister says the conversation that Sarah "the main character in the movie" has with her friend at the club is, so me. She says I think negative and I'm always waiting for a guy to fuck up, and I don't give people chances. So I told her she sounds like her friend in the movie, that rather believe the first story the guy gives her. And for the record I do give guys chances. Yes I question their motives, but you have to. Well, Hotel Rwanda was good but I expected more. Maybe cause of what people were telling me about it. Be Cool was funny.

So yea, we walk so much yesterday, its not even funny. We went to the gym yesterday to check out the classes they were giving.

Angel never called again. Which is cool, cause I do remember telling him that when I tell a guy not to bother me anymore, I mean it. So, I think he figure he is not going to be one of those guys. I do mean it, but I must say a little friend of mine didn't stop for a while and even though I kept wanting him to leave me alone, deep down inside it showed that he wasn't giving up that easy. And mind you I cursed this man out so bad. And to be honest he almost had me there. Every time I lashed out more was cause I was more pissed off at the fact that he was actually showing me he was not giving up and was actually getting me to forgive him and give him another try. But I still didn't give him a chance. I was holding on a little more. To bad he didn't know he had already brought down that wall I had build up between him and I, and that there was only a little more left to go.

So yea, I remember saying that I will not mention anyone else on this site, and trust me I will try.

I'm thinking, is it better to trust someone word, until you catch them in a lie. I don't know if that's a good idea. Well, I think I done enough writing. Till Next Time.

3/23/05 - Wednesday 5:10Pm

What's up? You won't believe what happened to me in the Dentist yesterday. Well, the first time I ever entered that dentist, I went in told the lady I would like to come here for a check up, she told me to give her a minute so she can give me an appointment. While I was there waiting this man comes out of a room, which is the doctor and gives me this big smile and I smiled right back at him. When I saw how friendly he was I felt comfortable knowing he was that friendly. All my life I never had a dentist that made me feel comfortable and was super friendly.

Well, I go to my appointment. He call's my name, I get up go to the room and I say hi and shake he's hand. He tell's me to put my stuff down on this chair. So I lay down. He comes out and say's: "Wow What A Voice". So I smiled and laughed a little. He goes "You have a beautiful voice". I said thank you, of course. Then I'm thinking wow that's the first time I have been told that in person. Over the phone is one thing but in person is another. So, he asks me where I'm from, I said Manhattan. Then he goes "What's your back ground" so I told him. So, I'm happy that he's so friendly and all. So he starts taking my x-ray. Is that what its called? Anyway. I open my mouth, he say's in Spanish "What a Cute little mouth”. So I smile the best I can with my mouth wide opened HAHAHA. Then he says in Spanish again "You have teeth of a doll" "their small but cute".

Well, I get out of the room then the lady calls me back in. I go lay down again, then she tells me that my insurance doesn't cover what she has to do. Then she says she might not be able to work on me. She leave and comes back, she tell's me in Spanish: "You must of rubbed him the right way cause he wants me to work on you anyways" "Your very lucky, he never does it for anyone just like that". So she does her job.

He comes in the room, rubs my hair a few times, asks me if I'm ok, I said yes then he leaves. Then I have to go into this room after that so he can check all of my teeth. Mind you, ever time I open my mouth he says, You have the cutest little mouth. I smiled or laughed whenever he said that. So everything was done.

I get up to leave. I'm looking for my coat, he starts to talk to me and I notice him looking at my "Tits a few times, which is normal, cause what guy doesn't do that. So I'm happy that everything went well, that my dentist was friendly and made me feel comfortable. Then I get my coat, I go to shake his hand, he comes to give me a kiss in the cheek and as I go to kiss him back this Doctor planted me one right near my Lips. Now, I thought I had the best dentist ever, and that I would never feel uncomfortable again going to the dentist as long as I had to go to him. As soon as I get out of the dentist I called my Mami, sister and told them what happened. They found it funny.

First thing out my sisters mouth was "Is he cute". I'm like (Hello he's my dentist) first dentist I felt good with.. I told my best friend, first thing out her mouth was "You have to be kidding" I'm like No I'm not. Second thing out her mouth is "Is He Cute". I'm like, wow, that’s the same thing this girl asked.

Well, yea that’s what happened to me. Like I told the girls, I'm hoping that it was a simple mistake. But that was to close. He was so friendly. That sucks. I'll know on my second appointment. Which is next week. I hope I'm wrong. I really hope I'm wrong, cause if he comes on to me I have to get another dentist. Till Next Time.

3/26/05 - Saturday 2:21Am

I am in pain. Yesterday we worked out for 3, hours at the gym. Today we didn't work out. I had to do to much shit. We also had plans to go to the movies. We saw Bride & The Prejudice. It was funny. I didn't even know it was like a musical. I liked it.

I got to school late yesterday. Hate when I do that. 5 Minutes late not bad 15min is a problem. I did 15min.

Oh yea, the day I worked out 3, hours I looked fucked up. My hair was jacked up. It looked so cute in the morning with all my curls, and after working out I couldn't even leave the gym with my hair down, that's how bad it looked. So we go to eat. While we are there this guy in the table in front of us gets up cause their leaving, I look at him he looks at me and says: Gorgeous baby, God bless you. I say thank you, and try to look away. 2 minutes later these 2 guys pass our table one guy stares at me, then does the whole looking back thing, then comes back with his friend our way to just do the whole stare and look back thingy again. Another 2 minutes later, this guy in the table next to us does something there I don't remember, I look his way, he smiled I smiled, I turn my face not to give him the chance to try and talk. I start to put on my Lipstick and I hear some one saying something but can't get the words, then he gets louder and that's when I hear: "That Lipstick Looks Beautiful on you sweetie. Mind you he couldn't see it cause I wasn't even facing his way. Him and his friend get up to leave, he comes out and asks me if he can call me some time. Funny thing is his friend screams from far "He Has A Girl" a few times. Then he tells me to never mind he's boy. He asked again if he can call me, I said no. Good thing is it looked like I said no cause his boy fucked up his flow. He shake my hand, said his name, I said mine. He asked for my age and that's when I said "19". After he left my sister tells me "That was a good one". Hey he looks fucking older like maybe 29/30yr old, why not put my self under 21yrs old so he can leave me alone. Saying 19, to a 30, yr old was a good idea and if he still wants to talk to me, that's is sad. Come on, I can't get into a club, and he can't even buy me a drink. Yes I know I don't drink but you understand. Anyway a 25, yr old with a 35, yr old is not bad cause at least at 25 your mature. But you know a 19, year isn't there yet. I don't care if you're a mature 19, your still not there. I was a mature 19 yr old, and I still wasn't there.

My whole point about the different guys that day was, how funny it is that the day you work out the most & look all fucked up they.....You know what I don't even want to write what my point was about. I forgot my point. HAHAHAHa I'm to tired. Let me go sleep. Till Next Time.

3/29/05 - Tuesday 11:07Pm

I am really trying to keep my page up dated, but I'm fucking tired half the time that I just want to get home, take off my sneakers and chill.

Well, I am good. A little exhausted but good. Oh yea, my sister and I went to the gym early the past 2 days. While we're walking in I notice this girl smiling and looking at us. Turn's out my cousin Myra, (the one I haven't seen for like about a year) goes to the same gym. Now we usually go in the after noon. She goes early cause she gets out of work early. Well, we talked. Told her about what's been going on. She filled us in on what's up with her. Turns out she's dating this guy, well was, he would tell her that he can't see her on the weekends, I forgot what excuse he gave. And on weekdays she said around 7:00Pm, he would tell her well let me get you home so you can rest for work. Now she said should knew something was fishy about that, but she figured let's just see, you never know he could be one of nice ones. Turns out, on a Monday there was a Holiday, so no one work that day. He came out without even noticing and told her, "Well you know what, no one works on Monday, but I'll leave like I'm going to work". That's when my cousin figured he must be married or have a live in girlfriend. So she said she left him.

Guy's really suck now in days. I just want one good one that's all. One that would appreciate me and will only be with me and not cheat, and of course treat me good. That's all I ask for. Do those breed even exist? I guess when you ask for those thing's these days, your probably looked at like (Your asking for to much). I don't think I'm going to half to work out only 4 times a week, cause I need more rest. I don't think the weekend is enough.

Oh yea, at the gym we took this zumba class for the first time. It was good. We might be taking more of those classes cause just doing machines gets boring some times. The dance instructor was looking at me like I know what I am doing. The girls and I were laughing cause we know how to zumba, and almost all the bitches in there were off it. And I mean off it. Just for the record we were not laughing at the other girls at all. We were laughing cause we were thinking at least that's something we know how to do. At the end (V) tells us to speak to her in Portuguese, since she is Brazilian. Then again we are not that good we just know a little here and there. Maybe next time. Till Next.

4/6/05 - Wednesday 11:00Am

What's up? I been meaning to write on here but I have been very busy. I didn't go to the gym yesterday. Well, I didn't have to do anything at all yesterday. My sister didn't work neither, so we were just chilling at home. I have to write about this guy in my class that asked me for my number, but I try to act like I didn't understand him. Which worked but he caught me the following day.

Later On: 12:21Pm

I'm at lunch right now. I just got a hot chocolate and came back just so I can update. Well, last Friday the guy that sits 3 rolls in front of me looks back and asks me from far if he can have my number. I know this is going to sound mean, but I acted like I couldn't understand what he was telling me, so I picked up my book and said "If I wrote my notes". He said "No", then said I'll talk to you later. I said ok. So I knew after class he was going to come after me to talk to me, so I tryed to bounce quickly. I walked to the front desk and this girl stops me and asked me to sign some paper there. I asked her if I can sign it on Monday and she said it won't even take a minute. So I start. All of a sudden this guy is standing next to me. So I was done with the paper, and I try to go back to ask my teacher a question. Guess who comes back to the class with me, yep the same guy.

Anyway I was able to get away. Monday came, I'm thinking he is not going to get lab with me. Guess who walks in 20 minutes later. Yep the guy. So he started talking, asking me If I'm spoken for. I said no. My sister says I don't think. Then he tells me how he doesn't know how, "I'm not wifed up yet". And that he figured there's no way in hell I was single. I didn't say much I just smiled most of the time. Then he started talking about having friends, and it's always good to have friends. Then he tells me to give him my number just as a friend. And like an Ass I did. And right when he was leaving he tells me "I'm going to call you tonight".I'm thinking, damn for a friend that's to fucking fast. Well, I don't know if he did cause I had my cell off. HAHAHA

On Monday my sister and I went to see Beauty Shop it was good. We also saw Guess Who. Which was funny. Well, let me go now before this guy comes next to me and wants to read my shit and I'm not having it. And I don't think he would like to read what I have to say about him anyway.

Well, after this I go to the gym, then home. He did come to talk to me. I knew it. He is nice I must say that. I just don't like people coming on to me like that. Be my friend first at least. Till Next Time.

4/8/05 - Friday 12:34Pm

So, we didn't go to the gym yesterday. I was able to relax. Yesterday we took this Dance Therapy Class, which I must say was a lot of fun. I need to get a cute jacket so when it starts to get hot. In fact, we are checking out a few today when I get out of here. I might pick up a pretty shirt for my mother, if I find one for her. After that then gym again.

Oh yea, I know some people want to know what goes on with me during the day, in school, work and gym where ever it may be. That's why I'm starting to write more about what's going on during the day. Some of you find it more interesting. I must say, I was reading back the entry's about the guys that where coming on to me plus the guy at school and I didn't like it. It sounds, first of all, like if I am hot looking which that's not the case. Also like if guys are constantly coming on to me, which is also not the case. I don't want people to think I am full of myself, cause I'm not. I just think some of the stories are funny, and I should write about them. Also because some people want to hear more stuff like that. So I don't know if I'm going to continue to write about the guys that come on to me. But if their real funny I'll put it up.

Do you believe 2 weeks ago this guy passed his Dick on my hand. Mind you he was hard. I was holding my purse on my side and it was mad packed downtown, and to pass was a problem, and this nigga comes out of nowhere and just rubbed his shit on my hand. I told my sister right when we got out of that little spot. Her reaction was: "That Nigga is Nasty". Well, let me go, before someone try's to read what I'm writing. Do you believe it's easier for me to save my entry's in school then it is at home. It has to be the connection they have here. Till Next Time.

4/12/05 - Tuesday 2:15Pm

What's up? I have been sick since Saturday. I did not go anywhere yesterday. Today I worked out a little.

My sister is going to meet that cop she might be sharing an apartment with. I want to know if he's ugly or not. I told her: "Do not get with the cop". She should not do something she might regret later. I told her if she was to get with him, then after a few months not really like him, she can't get rid of him cause she's his roommate. Then that wold suck.

(V) is leaving this weekend to Jamaica with Eric. Lucky Bitch.

Oh yea, I know your probably wondering what ever happened to my Dentist (The one that tried to kiss me in the lips). (Dentist*Story). Well, I have not gone yet. I changed my appointment. Its soon. I'll write what happens when I go. Well, that's it I guess. Till Next Time.

4/15/05 - Friday 11:05Am

Well, didn't work out yesterday. I'm going to try and do it 5 days a week starting next week for at least 3/4 weeks.

About my Dentist. Yes he did try and kiss me again. Let me go I only had a 15 minute break. I'll explain it on my lunch break. I really don't want to have and get another dentist.

Later On: 1:00PM

Well, I'm not going out for lunch so I get to update. So, I walk in saw my dentist, he smiled I smiled. The lady calls me in, turns out she's working on me not him. I'm sitting there, he walks in touches my hand to say hi so I smiled. After everything was done I get up to get my coat and purse. In the room there are these sliding doors that separate the rooms. So the lady walks into the other room cause were done. He comes and closes the sliding door. Now, I'm thinking, fucking great. He takes his hand out so we can shake hands good-bye. Right when I go to shake his hand he motions for like a kiss in the cheek I lean forward to say good-bye and that's when he got me again right at the corner of my lips.

So, my sister tells me: "What happens when he does end up smacking you with one on the lips" What are you going to do then? To be honest I don't know. Everyone keeps saying he's going to keep doing those until he goes for the full kiss. To be honest I think one day when he's doing my teeth he's just going to kiss me right there and then, if no one is in the room. Now, why would he want to do it? I don't know. Cause that is nasty if you think about it.

I was telling my sister and my mom, imagine I don't end up saying anything and turns out every time I'm seeing my dentist I'm kissing him in the lips hello and good-bye. Everyone started laughing. Let me find out I'm going to have a Special Relationship with my dentist. HAHAHHAHA. I had everyone laughing cause I was doing the whole kissing motion. I don't know what to do. I think my next appointment he's going for the full kiss cause he did tell me that next time he's working on me.

Oh yea, and after the close kiss yesterday he touches my hair and say's "You have real soft hair, Que Linda" I think he tried to just get my mind off the fact that he just almost kissed me in the lips again. Right? I think its just going to get worst. I really like him as a dentist. Why is it that every time I feel good with someone they never have innocent intentions with me? I have it with them. This sucks ass.

Oh, my sister and I are going on vacation alone. So lets see how that goes. I'm going to the gym later then to the movies. I hate it when you haven't eaten all day but then you have to eat after you have worked out. Well, Till Next Time

4/24/05 - Sunday 11:17Am

What's up? So let me see, I worked out the whole 4 day's this week. I feel funny writing everything I do now. I usually would just write the basic but people like reading about what happens during the day, so I try. I spoke to (V). Turns out she said that's vacation from hell. The cruise didn't go to cayman island like it was suppose to. They got a $150 credit for that. The hotel they were staying at ended up calling them while the were on the cruise and told them, the hotel was going to be closed. So they had to call Eric's friend to see if they can stay there, cause they couldn't find another hotel. Fucked up.

I was in school and that guy I spoke about was there in the lab, so I tried not to look at him. Turns out he went to the bathroom, when he comes back I feel someone looking at me, so I look at the little window of the classroom door and he is standing there looking at me, waiting for me to look at him I guess. And like an ass I did. I should have know. As soon as I looked he tell's me through the glass "Why you haven't called me". I didn't want to answer that so I acted like I didn't get what he was saying. He comes in, sits next to me and was like "You haven't called me" I just said yea I know and smiled. Then he's like "You have my number" I just said (yea I know) and smiled. So he dropped it and started talking about the class work. Thank Goodness.

I went to charge something on my card yesterday and it was denied. I didn't even know I had maxed out that shit already. I had to use another one. So now I have to remember to put that card away and put another one in my purse.

Oh yea, I did my nails. They look way better then when I get them done in the salon. And my nails don't get weak the way they do after you get them done at the salon. I'm doing my high lights again in July. And vacation is around that time to so.

I'm trying to remember what else went down this week.

Victor tried to talk to me again this week, so I told him if he doesn't leave me alone, I was going to call his family and tell them he won't leave me alone. I think that's going to work. I should have thought about that a long time ago. I guess that's it. Till Next Time.

4/27/05 - wednesday 11:36Am

Well, I just went shopping. Got my favorite perfume. Got my body sprays from Victoria's Secret. Got a gift for my mami for Mothers Day.

Well, let me write about yesterday. I went to my first doctors appointment. 2 more to go. Everything came out good.

So, I go in and this doctor starts to ask me if I have been tested for HIV. I said yes, in January. Then he asks me what were the results I said Negative, of course. Then he starts asking me:

(D)- When was the last time you had sex.

(Me)- So I told him.

(D)- Have you ever been raped or forced to have sex.

(Me)- No

(D)- Have you raped or forced.

(Me)- No. I don't think waking someone up in the middle of the night, forcing him to get up and fuck you is part of that question.

Well, there was a lot more of those questions. So, then he tells me that I have been very good on how I have done things. So, he opens this cabinet and tell's me "Do you know these are all the people that have HIV this year only". "And we are only 4 months into this year". Then he shows me this paper that has the date 5/24/1990. And tell's me this girl has almost full blown aids, and she's only 15. Another girl 18, almost full blown aids and still having sex with guys out there. And she won't stop cause she's upset at the world now, and who ever wants to fuck her without a condom that's Their Problem she says. He said he try's to talk to them and tell them its not right what their doing, but once she walks out of there he can only hope they listen to what he had to say. And most of the time they don't. Which is sad. I guess they figure someone gave it to them and didn't care, so why should they.

Another one he tells me about is, a girl that asked her man/ the guy she was dating if he ever had the test done and he said "Hell yea". But she never asked him what was the results. She just figured it was nagative cause of the way he said, hell yea. He said he had people sitting there telling the other person

"Why did you do this to me, I asked you if you had anything" "He said, no you didn't, you asked me if I got tested" You didn't asked me what were the results. If you would of asked I would have told you.

What kind of shit is that. That's some fucked up shit, to be honest.

The doctor just told me that the next person I'm with to get them tested as well. I told him those were my plans any way. Sad thing is that guys are not being loyal anymore. If some cute chick comes and gives them a chance they take it. The least guys could do is use a condom with girls they cheat on their girlfriends with. It's not fair that she has to pay for her mans mistake.

One thing I hate to hear is when a guy says things like "Nah she doesn't look dirty she looks clean, she looks like she takes care of herself".. How the fuck do you fucking know. Please give me a break.

Well, turns out he tested me cause he said if I'm going to be going there it's best that its in my records. I said no problem. It feels real good to know when you don't have anything to be honest. And after hearing all that, it's scary to think who you might get next. That's why I suggest take them to get tested and even after you do get tested doesn't mean that you can go and fuck without a condom now. It's just a peace of mind. And I know guys swear if they get tested with you they can fuck you raw. But remember this, it takes a few times before it comes out in the blood so don't just trust the first test, go a few times. And even after that still use condoms people.

Well, let me tell you about my Dentist. So I lay down, he talk to me. So I see this needle sitting on the table and I asked him what's that for. He tells me it's for me. For what was that, I started freaking out. I couldn't stay still. I told him he never told I needed a needle for that. I told him I think I can take the pain to do it without they needle. He said no, that it's going to hurt. So I'm holding my mouth saying "No I think I can take it". He wouldn't go for it. He told me that when it comes to me he's never in a hurry and that he won't do anything to hurt me. So he does it. I can say, he did it so good that I didn't feel a thing. I think he was more careful cause he likes me.

Well, he was there talking to me after he put the needle in. Then he tells me "I wish I would have meet you a long time ago". I just smiled, didn't reply. Then he says "Every time I see you I get this feeling right here" And points at his heart. Don't ask me why cause I don't know why. I'm thinking, oh goodness I hope he doesn't want me to respond to that, cause I'm not. So he does his job. On my way out he tells me "If there's anything you need let me know." I'm thinking like what "Tooth Paste". Then it hits me, I think he wants to be my "SugaDaddy.

When I told my sister she said the same thing. Oh yea, he tried to kiss me again. Bad. He makes me nervous, But only when I'm leaving cause that's when he try's. I guess that's it. I just hope this shit saves. Excuse the spelling. I'm typing so fast right now I just hope I make sense. Till Next Time.

4/29/05 - Friday 12:10Pm

Oh yea, I forgot to mention that my dentist kissed my hand the last time I saw him.

My best friend just got a new job. She is getting head teacher position and about 13 thousand more then what she is getting at the job shes in now. She starts in June. Lucky Bitch. That's good.

Didn't workout yesterday. I'm going today.

Ok I have watching American Idol. Now, how the fuck is it that they kick out Constantine over Scott, the wife beater. I really don't care about what he does in his own private life. But I do know he is not better then Constantine. I was so pissed. I kept saying "How are they going to pick that fat fucker over Constantine". I know it may sound nasty, but its true. Hopefully he leaves next week. My sister said, which was a good idea was, if Scott would leave american idol they can bring back Constantine. And we all know that's not going to happen. Why? Cause he is going to milk his last few days there. I don't blame him, I would too. I'm just hopeing that Bo Bice wins. Carrie is real good. I know she is probably going to make it even if she doesn't win. If any thing they should be th last 2 standing.

I am so fucking bored. I just did a Victoria Secret presentation. Its not all that but its good. I hope my mom likes it. Let me go. Till Next Time.

5/6/05 - Friday 2:39Pm

What's up? Well, yesterday I was disappointed with Angel. Turns out he lied to me about the last time he was with his Ex. To think I thought he was one of those you can trust and count on. And look at that shit.

I'm serious, I'm pissed.

Oh yea I got the results for the HIV test I had to take for the new Doctor I'm going to start to go to from now on. And once again its NEGATIVE. The funny thing is when I was talking to him yesterday, I told him, "Knowing that I don't have anything and hearing about how many people are getting it, makes me not want to do shit at all". Also, I think I make myself cum pretty good to. HAHAHA.

Well, That's when I found out he had not told me that he met up with his Ex one day and they did something. Mind you it would have been OK if he told me before cause we had just started talking. Have to go.

So Yea, he lied to me. What really pissed me off is the fact that I really didn't think he was like that. I remember him always saying "Baby I would never lied to you, There's no reason for me to." Now, everyone asks me why I don't trust people. I hope this answers everyone's question.

And he might be going to "DR with us on vacation. Which is cool cause I don't mind him as a friend. To be honest I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I should just cut him off completely. I don't know. Why should I be a good friend to someone who just started everything on a lie. Not Fair Right.

Oh yea, yesterday I was talking to my girl in class, and the guy that's always bothering me was there. I thought I had to go eat lunch with him. Good thing is that me and my girl took our lunch into the class and him and Andrea stood eating at the place. Well, right when he was going to bother me, Theresa came so I was glad. Theresa has an interview on Tuesday. I hope she gets the job. It's pretty good pay, $65k To $75K a year. She's really good people.

Well, That's it I guess. Till Next Time.

5/11/05 - Wednesday 1:07Pm

So, on Saturday I messed up my leg again. I took so much Aspirin just incase. I even took Ibuprofen as well. Hoping I get better. Which I am now. I'm going to the gym today. I hope I don't make it worst...Do you believe on Monday my leg was still a little fucked up right. I get up in the morning rushing to take a shower and get out. Then I tell myself to chill call in and tell them I can't make it cause of my leg. So I can rest.

When I call, the bitch tell's me that I wasn't suppose to go in Monday, that it's on Wednesday. You believe that. I knew I had it off on tuesday. Imagine I would have been in a rush with a fucked up leg gone over there and them tell me I wasn't suppose to go in till Wednesday. I would have been so fucking pissed. I was happy when I found out I didn't have to do anything for the next 2 days

Oh yea, Angel is not going to DR with me. That's my final answer. HAHAHAHa

I called him to ask him if he got my text. He said he did. Then he tell's me he'll call me back. And he didn't. Which I don't give a fuck if he does or doesn't. So, its all good. I'm suppose to be having lunch right now. I just ate a yogart. Which is ok. I'll pick something up later on my way home. So, spoke to Douglas. He doesn't like the whole Dentist thingy. He say's I should be careful with that. I am I just. All I know is that after my next visit I shouldn't have to see him for a long while. Oh wait, I forgot I wanted braces. I don't know if I want them anymore. I guess that's just a point in my life, that I can say I don't know what I was thinking. I might have to say that again cause I might want braces again next month. Every day I change my mind. Well let me go. Till Next Time.

5/18/05 - Wednesday 1:07Pm

Well, let me see. I got screamed at by my teacher. Which was funny cause I didn't realize how bad she screamed at me, since I was heated by the crank call I got. Later on was that I was annoyed on how she screamed at me. To be honest she's lucky that I was pissed at something else and didn't put mind to her, cause if I would have been OK, we would have gone at it. I'm not a little kid for her to scream at me cause she feels I wasn't paying attention. Which I wasn't, but she could have came up to me and told me "Eni can you please take it out side". And that would have been it.

I canceled my Dentist appointment. He must have been like: "Where's my favorite patient in the world" HAHAHAHHA Joking.

I have "2 big exams on Monday & Tuesday but by the time I post this up I would have already taken them. School is almost done. I don't want to go to school in the summer but let's see what happens.

Oh Yea, we are coming out with this clothing line in maybe about 3/4 weeks give or take. I'm just hoping it sells. I think it's going to sell very quickly. We're doing Manhattan, Bronx, Queens Brooklyn for now.

I got to see House Of Wax this weekend. Wack. Also got to see Monster-In-Law. Funny.

I think that's it for now. Till Next Time.

Wednesday - 5/18/05 2:14Pm

Well, like I said I was probably posting this up, way after my exam. I think I did good, but then again you never know. Nothing worth mentioning has happened. I think my brother is coming soon with the baby. Oh yea, my little brother tells me, he met a girl at 9:00Pm and was fucking her at 2:00Am. I told him that's nasty and that she's a HO! He agrees. He said she has been calling him like crazy since they slept together. I told him to be nice even though she's a ho. He said he will be but that he can't see him self with a chick that fucked him after 5, hours of knowing him. Which is understandable. What I love about my little brother is that he never fucks a girl without a Condom. Like I told him he can, fuck who ever he wants as long as he does it the right way. Not like some guys that think that cause a girl is cute or looks decent that she must be clean and not a ho. I'm not even getting started on that shit again.

Oh yea, I was thinking about Angel and how he got to me without me seeing any signs. Well, not that he got to me but got close enough. Then I remembered that I did see signs. I remember when I caught him on a few lies but then didn't think he was the type and totally blew it off. So you see, Everyone gets signs, we just choose to ignore them when we shouldn't. I should have known. I just didn't get into it cause I had decided to just remain friends. And that was because I noticed a few lies from him. I did good. I think. I know your probably thinking, "Why is she bring that up again". Well, cause I just wanted to make sure that I made it clear, I did see it coming, I just chose to ignore it.

5/28/05 - Saturday 11:44Pm

What's up? I'm good. One of my favorite shows is over. The Contender. That show was hot. I never missed an episode of it. The two guys I wanted at the end to fight for the million, ended up not fighting. But Good thing is it was better this way, cause they both got money. Latin Snake got the 1 million, & Gomez got 200,000. Those two were my fav.

The L word finished but Queer as folk started so that's good. Nothing has really happened. I canceled my Dentist appointment again. It's kind of hard to go to him, when I know I have to get a needle in my mouth. He got me the first time and that's because I didn't know it was coming. So yea, this is my second time canceling. Hey there might be a 3rd cancellation you never know.

I just got my $2000.00 Sony Vaio today. I got it for $900. Good right. My little brothers connections. I need it to for School, Accounting, Bookkeeping, Work etc....I love it. It's so cute.

My brother is coming with the baby this weekend I think. I hope. I don't like anyone right now. Weird. On Friday I was on my way home and I smiled at this guy that was sitting in front of me in the train. He smiled back, but he didn't stop staring. I was feeling a little uncomfortable after a while. So I decide to just close my eye's and just relax all the way home. Every time I opened my eyes this nigga was staring. I saw him take a business card and start to write on it. I got the idea that he was writing his number on it, so I closed my eyes again, right away. The good thing is, 2 cops came in and stood by the doors, so when he was getting off he didn't have the balls to give it to me in front of the cops. Or, hey you never know, maybe he wasn't writing a # to give to me, it could have been he just wanted to write on his business card. I could be wrong. I guess its just a feeling I got. Till Next Time.

I hate men. I hate men. I hate men.

I want a Mannnnnnnnnnn. HAHAHAHA.

5/30/05 - Monday 6:23Pm

Well, I came on here just to talk about this person I dated back then, that I hate more then anything. Now, why am I talking about him? Guess cause he popped in my head today. I have asked myself time and time again what am I going to do if I bump into this person in the train. At one point I told myself, Just act like I don't know him. But that would be hard when you have had sex with this person. And dated him on and off for almost 1 ½ or 2 years. Now, I don't know if I have mention on here, how I started dating this person and why. Well, how? I don't know. Why? Cause I was bored and saw that other people date people they don't like just to date them and have something to do. And cause of that reason is why I don't ever date anyone I don't like just to date them. See how girls could say things like "Well I don't like him but he takes me out". I thought that was a good thing. Which is not.

I remember once being in the hallway and him kissing my neck and my chest and I was staring at the wall asking myself "Why am I here?" I don't even like this person as a person. That's when I backed up and told him listen you have to go. He asked me why and I just said some of my family was near by. I know this doesn't make me sound good especially knowing that I still slept with the guy.

Do you believe this guy once bought me a perfume from the $.99 store. Well, maybe more like the discount store. I just used that shit for the bathroom when someone took a shit. Don't get me wrong he did get me stuff from Vicy's etc.. But would I ever let the fact go that he bought me something from a discount, Nop. Why? Cause I can't stand the MotherFucker. Now, if someone I cared about bought me something from a discount store I would love it. I'm not a materialistic girl. But like I said I can't stand this person. So yea, he popped in my head twice this month. Why? I don't know. I hope it's not cause I might bump into him soon. To be honest, I'm going to excuse myself if he sits next to me in the train. If I don't notice him coming to sit next to me first. If I do notice him coming my way, as soon as I see him about to sit down I'm going to get up walk away to a seat on the other end of the train. Now, am I afraid of doing it, yes. Because he's a little on the psycho side. He'll be so upset that I dissed him that he's capable of appearing in my block cause he couldn't stand how I dissed him. Which is scary. So, I was thinking maybe I should stay long enough for him to ask me if I still live in the same place, so I can say "Oh no, I live in queens now". I was also thinking, imagine that he won't let it go and to make sure, he still appears at my house. I remember one time he scared the shit out of me. I told him if he didn't leave me alone I was going to call the cops on him, and he told me "I don't care, I'll dial it for you, they have called the cops on me before". Believe it or not that was the last time I spoke to that boy. One clue is enough. What I really wish is that if I did bump into him, that he doesn't say hi at all. Just keeps it moving. I would love that.

He actually moved in with this girl I knew from school back when I was in like 6 grade. Do you believe that, I knew this girl when I was 11/12 yrs old. Who would of known that a girl I knew when I was in 6 grade would be dating someone I knew. She was in 8th grade when I was in 6th. Its not like we hanged out, well maybe once or twice. We just said hi to each other most of the time. Anyway, do you know what he was doing. Trying to get girls that knew he had a live in girl. He is a nasty guy.

Now, why did I have sex with this dude? I don't know. I think I was dating him for like 8 months before I even slept with him. And we probably only had sex the most 10 times. I'm just saying 10 to average it out. And trust me if I like the person we are not having sex just 10 times. Maybe in a week. I'm lucky my girls didn't know him really. They just saw him once or twice. If not, they probably would have mentioned him every now and then. You know when girls sit to talk about how many guys or just talking about old flings. Well, good thing is noone brings him up. Well, noone knows him.

In fact I don't even know if I told them I slept with him. You know what, I don't think I have told them. I did tell them he went down on me but that's about it. That's how much I hate him. When people ask "Have you ever had any regrets?" I can say I have.

I never want to see that mans face.

Ever since that person, I have never dated or will date anyone just to date. You don't have to tell yourself "Well I'm not dating anyone, and I do get bored on the weekends or maybe he can grow on me." Fuck that shit. Why does he have to grow on you. NO, Fucking Way. Keep it moving.

For those of you that have been with people you don't like or even slept with guys or girls you don't like, your lucky if you never felt they way I do. I wish I was build strong enough to just be like, well, who cares I slept with him so be it. It didn't work for me that way. You know how many girls have told me they slept with this guy they didn't like. Guys do it all the time. And I always ask them "If you don't like her how can you be with her even if it's just sex". They just say "its no big deal."

And now, for trying what other people do. I catch my self for 1) Hating this person. 2)Trying to figure out how am I going to dodge this person without him feeling completely dissed. Just so I don't get stalked. Now I tell you this much if I didn't live in the same place. I would so diss that boy. But I think I have watched enough of Lifetime Movies, to know not to be to careless.

Till Next Time. Oh yea, my Best friend has an appointment with my dentist in 2 weeks. I still Haven't gone. HAHA

5/31/05 - Tuesday 8:45Am

I didn't even want to come in today.

My mom was at my family's house. The one that I don't get along with. The one that I mention that always say, I'm conceited, a bitch, have a bad attitude, they can't stand me. Well, yesterday she was there and they told her that if anything ever happened to them they wanted my mom or me to take Victor a.k.a Nene. My little cousin. And that they never had a problem with me. And that now that they think about it, I have never came out rude to them or was a bitch with them. And when your younger you don't noticed the actual good people your around. Now, it's true what they say and I did mention it here before. How I never did anything to them but I was always a bitch, conceited etc...

Now they tell my mother they would like to see me. They want me to be more around Nene. Now, do I actually believe these people think I'm a good person. No. Am I? Yes. Would they ever see my good side. Maybe not. Cause I don't trust people that have spoken that bad about me. Ever time I was going to a party, I was a bitch or a slut. If guys picked me up in cars, I was probably fucking them. Mind You, I never was. I think I was a good girl. Did I hang out alot? Yes. Did I dance a lot in partys? Yes. But that doesn't make a girl a Slut. If I was talking to 5 guys at once I was showing off. Mind you I never was a show off. Guys just always thought I was friendly and nice to be around. Well, Have to go. I'll continue.

It's 11:00Am Now.

So like I was saying. I don't trust those bitches. You never know, it could be they have a change of heart, cause hey, we are all older. But still I'll keep my guards up. I do want to spend more time with Nene. I already told my mom he can stay a week, in the summer if he want's.

I told my mother not to forget how much of a two face those people are. I could consider saying hi, every now and then. But we will never be close as people. As for Victor, yes I would like to look out for him. And that's probably the only way they will see me, when I have to pick him up or take him back. Oh yea, they also told my mom that they bet that have of the things they heard about me is probably not even true. And that maybe shit we heard about them is not true as well. I know for a fact what ever they heard about me is just plan bullshit.

Now, don't get me wrong I'm not the greatest person. I don't go around with a peace sign and smiling at everyone. I can be a bitch, stubborn, attitude, never conceited, never a show off. But I'm a good person inside. And yes I can be a fucking bitch. Yea I can. Oh yea, I can. You damn right I can.

I noticed a lot of times when people in my family or just people in general ask about my brother, I get uptight and want to know why their asking about my brother. Very protective over him. Crazy. I even do that with my sister if family members ask about her. My answer is She's fine. Why? Have to go.

1:30Pm

I'm so pissed. I wrote a whole entry went to save it and lost it. Well, What I was saying was that I have to take my permit again cause I let my shit expire. I need someone with a car. The last time I drove was in August 2004. That huge Expedition we took upstate on vacation. What else did I write about. I forgot. Well, I'm done.

6/05/05 - Sunday 1:51Pm

Do you remember the guy I mentioned on here that was staring at me every time I opened my eyes in the train, the one that made me feel uncomfortable. Well, I saw here again on Friday. He passed and stood in front of me. He said hi, so I said hi back. After I said hi I was trying to figure out where have I seen this guy, that's when it hit me it's the guy from the train last week. When the train got there I was standing right between two different train carts so I chose the one he didn't get on.

You won't believe what I did. I fucking deleted every fucking song in my Ipod. I'm so fucking pissed man. I been screaming for the last 10 minutes. I hate when I do stupid moves like that. I had about 588. Now I have 487, Songs. I need my little brother to bring his laptop so I can take the music I like again. I'm a fucking moron.

My lil brother punched (M) in the face yesterday and made him bleed. Do I feel sorry for (M)? No, I don't. He deserved it believe it or not. Sad but true.

I decided to go some where in 3, weeks. I'll let you know where when I get there. I'm not telling anyone until I leave. The reason for that is I don't want anyone to change my mind on going. Well, my mother knows. She's taking care of all my bills while I'm gone. I'm staying away for a 1 1/2, month. And I get back 4, days in days before vacation.

I was wondering do guys even get up off their seats when a lady excuses herself to go to the restroom. I don't think so. That's sad. When a guy is that respectful, it's so sexy let me tell you. Another turn on is Spanish Men In Suits. Don't get me wrong everyone else looks good as well, but it's something about Spanish men in suits that turn me on.

The Puerto Rican parade is coming. Do you know that when the PR Parade and DR Parade comes around there's a whole mess of girls actually planning on what their going to wear for that day. That's pretty pathetic. They don't dress well to a job interview or to meet their kids teachers, etc., but don't let the parades come around. HAHAHA. Do you believe half of these girl's probably look busted for more then half of the year. Sad but true. Don't get me wrong, me and the girls would look good for the Parades/Festivals but come on we have to look good we perform. Some of these girls go shopping on Friday to buy clothes for the parade. You know what that takes the cake. Just put on some cute Jeans and a cute Top ladies. You're, still going to look good. And people when you do meet someone use Condoms. Remember for the next few months after the Dominican and Puerto Rican Parade everyone is Fucking each other and passing things around. So keep it safe. Well Till Next Time.

6/11/05 - Saturday 1:52Pm

What's up? Has anyone seen Shakira's new video? I be fucking around with people and I ask people if they seen her new video then I start doing that step she does with the chest. That shit is funny. She does move real good.

The other day I was coming home, on my way up the next door neighbor opens her door. Now, I just pass by without looking their way. All of a sudden they're like "Hola NeNa" I just smiled. This is the thing I don't think it just so happens we were going in and coming out at the same time. I think they saw me coming and decided to pretend they were going to take out the garbage. So I just smiled, it seemed like they wanted a conversation. Now if you know me you know I don't converse with anyone around my block. So the Grandma comes out and says in Spanish "She never talks". I'm here trying to get into my apartment quickly but I get stuck with the locks. Yea I know my fucking luck.

My bestfriend was telling me that the other day when she was leaving my house the same neighbor was telling her that Karen is coming from DR this summer. Now, Karen is a girl I used to chill with when I was younger. I knew her since I was 9 years old. She was cool. A little crazy but cool. Last time I saw Karen I was 13 maybe 14. So I know it's going to be weird to see her again. If I get to, since I'm leaving in a couple of weeks. My BF tells me imagine she thinks you going to be hanging out together. One thing I know is she's coming to knock in my house as soon as she comes, cause last time she was here we were the last ones that she would chill with. I was upset when they were sending her back to DR. I never liked how her mother treated her first of all. Her mother kicked her out of the house when she told her that her husband, her little brothers father came on to her. How are you going to believe a man over your own daughter. I remember when she first told us what he tired, we told her to tell her mom right away cause that's not right. We never thought she would blame her for it. The thing with Karen is people always assumed she was open, slutty, whatever you want to call it, but she never even had sex. People thought she did. She wasn't what people thought she was. She was always cool with me. I remember I cut class with her a few times and where ever we were she was always making sure she watched over me since I was the youngest.

Well, I tell you this much if she thinks I'm hanging with her in the block she's nuts cause that won't happen. I don't chill in my block like that. When your younger is one thing. Anyway I hardly know the new people here. I leave the block so fast it's not even funny. I hope she's still that happy girl she was before. She was so different then her fucking angry mother. Let me find out she's just like her mom now. HAHAha. I wouldn't even know how to act with her when I see her. I don't know if she would hug me, dis me who knows you never know. People change sometimes for the worst. I don't know what people would say about me to be honest. I have always been quiet which some people would confuse with conceited. Which I'm not at all. I just don't open to people I don't know. Some times it just takes for someone to introduce me and that's it. Then people say things like "I didn't know you was so friendly, You seemed like a bitch when I first saw you". But then again when it comes to girls they don't like you if you look nice in a shirt.

Let's see if she comes this summer or not. Who knows it might be after the summer. I did hear she's coming with her daughter, which I never seen. I can't imagine her telling her daughter not to do something cause it's wrong. HAHAHAHa.

My sister went to Great Adventure with this real cheap as nigga. I really don't want to write about it now but I will next time. I just cut myself. Oh yea, I found that viberator my sister gave me along time ago. I tryed it. I think I came in less then a minute or maybe about a minute. That shit was crazy. I used it a few times already but I'm not coming in a minute anymore. I guess it was just the first time. Till Next Time. I like that song by Bobby Valentino. I forgot the name of the song but its nice.

6/19/05 - Sunday 10:44Pm

Well, I passed my permit test. Thank goodness. I went to see Mr. & Ms Smith. I didn't get to see the whole thing. Yes, once again I went to bed late woke up at 5 am etc...And knocked out at the Movie Theater. But the little that I saw was good. This girl looks beautiful. I love watching her in movies.

I went for my braces. I'm getting fitted for them on Wednesday. I decided to get the Invisaligns. I couldn't see myself with metal all over my teeth. When I come back from Vacation I'll be able to start them. I'm trying to think if anything crazy happened. I don't think so.

Well everyone I know, knows I'm going to stay at my brothers house for the month. Let's see how that goes. I think I'm going to have fun. I already told him he has to let me drive cause I need my practice. Don't get me wrong people, this is not my first time driving. I've been driving since I was 15 years old. And when I was 15 I looked 12 yrs old. I still don't know how cops didn't stop me. So like I was saying, I just haven't driven in years. I don't have much to say right now. Till Next time. Oh yea, Thanks for your comment carmine. I don't get much nice ones but I love it when I do. I'm glad I made you laugh.

6/23/05 - Thursday 10:43Am

Well, I'm going shopping tomorrow. I want to get my mother a TV. I need to pay all the bill's before I leave. Infact I'm going to write out checks, all she has to do is put in the amount when the bill comes. I packed up already. Well, not everything, but most.

Tomorrow I'm going to the dentist. I'm getting that needle I have been trying to avoid. This time I can't ignore it cause I can't get my braces if I don't get that done. Oh yea my girl went to him but he didn't do anything. She did say he was very sweet, and so was the other guy. I told her on her next appointment to let me know if he try's anything. It could have been since the other guy was there he didn't dare. Tomorrow I'm going to try and pick up something for the baby.

Next Day

Well, the Dentist told me I have to do the bottom as well. He's not charging me for it. I just have to pay the processing fee. I did go to the fresh dentist. Once I got there I go in. So its just me and him in the room he holds both of my hands and starts asking me, how am I doing. I'm there feeling weird trying to talk about my teeth. I told him I was doing fine. He didn't let go of my hands. Anyway, he finally does, so I sit down. He start's telling me how happy he was when he saw that I was in the waiting room. I just smile. Let me skip, So I have my mouth open and he tells me "I only get to see you here, I would like to see you out of the office". I just smiled the most I could since my mouth was already wide open. So he's looking at me like he's waiting for an answer. So I put up my eye brows like, what? He repeat's that we should see each other out of the office. I just smiled. So right when I'm leaving he try's to kiss me again, I move. Then he tells me "What ever you need call me, If your around the area give me a call if you need anything". Now, I don't get it. What he means, like if I need a tooth pulled all of a sudden give him a call. It sounds like he's meaning something else but I don't know what. I really don't think he means if I need a tooth pulled. Well, I don't have to go back until August, he says for another cleaning. And to be honest I don't need one. Anyway, I went shopping for the baby yesterday. We went to the movies, I saw High Tension, Not bad. We also say The Honeymooners, funny in a way. Anyway, next time I write I'll be away from home. I hope this came out right cause I am a little stress from trying to remember everything I have to do before I leave. Till Next Time.

6/26/05 - Sunday 11:40Pm

Well, someone told me it sounded like I was unhappy to leave on vacation. I hope I didn't come across that way. I was actually dying to get out of NYC. I'm here now. It is so fucking Hot here it's not even funny. I'm tired, sleepy and happy that I'm here already. I have my own room of course, I already unpacked most of my shit. I had 2 luggage's 1 gym bag packed and my purse. I was all over the place. One time I tired to get on the escalator to go downstairs and for what was that. I put one foot, felt like my foot was going to go, I figured if I didn't let go of the bag I would be making a split all the way to the bottom, so I let go of one of my luggage's. My cousin who was there so he picked it up for me. Imagine me with 2 luggage's one on each side of me and in a split going down. Not Funny. HAHAHHA. Well, to me it is.

My little brother is going to watch the apartment in July for a few days so that's cool. That way, my mother can leave have a break and come back.

My niece is big. When they picked me up the first thing out of her mouth was "Sorry that we were a little late Titi". I was like "Its, OK." So, in the car my brother has a Mariah Carey song on, all I hear from the back is "Is like that ya, Its like that ya" I would write a little more but I don't really know it. Yeah I know but a 3 year old does.

What else, I was able to get my mother a TV and stand. Hope It looks hot

Today is Monday the 27th. I just came back from taking the baby for a walk. I met this guy name John. His daughter was playing with my niece. I'm tired. I got to see my brothers girls stepsisters man. He wasn't that bad. I thought she was probably dating an ugly ass black guy. My Sister-in-law was telling me how he swears he knows who he could fuck. He said it about a girl they know, so now Christy doesn't want the other girl around her man when she's not around.

Oh yea, I gave the baby a brownie yesterday around 12, noon. After she eats it I noticed the time, so I told her don't tell mami you ate that. So she tells me "Its our little secret Titi". So I said OK. Later (A) asks me what did she eat? So of course, I tell her. For what was that, my niece looks at me and tells me "It was suppose to be our little secret". I felt so bad. She didn't want to talk to me for like 2, minutes then she got over it.

Now, the other day I was driving and I see that I'm not comfortable at all. I felt nervous, stressed etc...Then I ask myself, why am I feeling this way? Then it hits me, my brother is the worst person to drive with. This nigga would not stop talking at all. I'm thinking "My man, I was driving years before you, & in NYC", where people say is the worst place to drive. I asked him, next time he comes with me to please try to be quiet. He just laughed. He even said it himself, that he's the worst person to go driving with. I agree. Well I guess That's it for now. Till next Time.

6/30/05 - Thursday 11:45Am

Last night someone called me at 6, in the morning. I have no idea who's number it was. I didn't pick it up. Now, if I don't know the number I just don't pick up. If I get a blocked number I usually don't pick it up as well. I just hope this crazy ass bitch stops harassing me, I can't stand it any more. I'm tired of it. Seriously, I wish I never met the person she keeps bothering me about. It's not worth it. I really like my number and I don't want to have to change it. In a way I just want to press charges but its such a hassle.

I don't know if you guys ever heard that song by Marc Anthony called "Tu Amor Me hace Bien" well, that song is such a beautiful song. If a man dedicated that song to me I would be like "Wow You Serious". Yes, we all heard before the whole I love you baby, I can't live without you etc. But there's something about songs that Marc Anthony sings that are beyond just, I can't live without you.

I was thinking how am I suppose to meet someone good for me if I don't except any dates. I'm always saying, No Thank you, I'm not looking for anything right now, I with someone, even when I'm not. It goes on & on. So maybe when I go back home I should chill a little and go on a few dates. Even if I think it will never go anywhere. I'll try it. Now, if I really don't like them like for example the guy from school, its going to be a NO! I don't like it when people judge me for being a bitch without even knowing me, so why should I judge a guy and assume that by the way he looks he's going to be an ass, bum, no good, waste of time, boring, really boring, probably a wife beater, which those I don't even try. If you look like you like to boss your girl around that isn't working with me, I tell you that much. So yea, I'll accept more invitations next time.

Everyone but my sister might be coming to visit up here. Also its Eric's birthday on the 4th of July. Till next Time

7/11/05 - Sunday 12:54am

Written July 2, 2005

What's up? I went to Virginia a few days ago. Yesterday I got to see War Of The Worlds. I went driving with my brothers girl and I had no problem. I knew it was cause of him. My sister might be coming next week. I had a dream with a very old friend of mine. I mentioned him on here before, he's the guy I called pillow. Well, in my dream he was trying not to talk to me so I just ignored him. I wonder what he looks like now. I remember some people use to say that he had a big Dick. I don't mean like 10", I mean like a good 8". Which to me that's big. Anything bigger is just a waste of dick.

I noticed the white people around here are not so friendly. I have mentioned that to my brothers girl a whole mess of times. I smile at people and they don't smile back. People from New York are way friendlier, and that's suppose to be where the worst people are from. The girls around here are friendlier then the men. The men just look and turn their heads once you look at them. I have noticed more Mexicans up in here. Last time I came there was not a lot of Spanish people around, I would catch like 2/3 families at the supermarket and that's about it. Now we drive around and there's more. Like yesterday I was at the park there was at least 20, Mexicans playing soccer. I was just like "Oh Look Spanish Guys". I would love to catch a Puerto Rican, Dominican, Colombian or even Cuban around here. I would never catch those around here. I would love to.

My ex called me yesterday. He was telling about this real cute girl he saw outside but that she had like a bad arm. He tells me "I told God he sent me a girl like that I wouldn't care I would take care of her, she was so cute." That's what I love about him, he is so loving, caring and sweet. I think I would always have him as a friend. He was suppose to call me last night but he didn't that ass. He probably went to sleep. My mother even met him and say's he's one of those very good hearted people. His only problem I think is his love for getting high. He loves to get high, to the point that if you ask him to choose the weed or you, he would say you of course but he's action would show otherwise. But he's good people's.

We had a barbecue on the 4th of July. I had fun.

Friday, July 8, 2005

Well, I noticed people around here are a little friendlier then the ones around the Supermarket. When I go walking around here almost everyone that goes by say's hi.

I saw Coach Carter, it was OK. I didn't even finish it. I don't think I'm going to. I guess that's it for now.

Sunday July 9, 2005

I got to see Mr. & Mrs. Smith yesterday. I liked it, it was funny. I would get that on DVD. My girl just asked me yesterday that, if there is a hot hotel in Costa Rica if I don't mind going. I told her I don't really care as long as its beachfront, beautiful warm beach water, nice pools etc. So, Now I don't know if were going to DR or not. I think we still are but Costa Rica came up so. Next week we're booking our stuff, so I'll know exactly where I'm going by next week.

We were invited to have dinner in Evelyn's house, this Wednesday night. (A) asked me yesterday. I said I don't mind, of course. And I don't. It's good to be invited to dinners, the day your not getting invited to dinners is when you have to think, "Why is it that people don't invite me to dinners". HAHAHHA. I'm hoping that christy and her man isn't there. I think they might be there. That sucks.

I'm chilling, I have not gotten bored yet. Oh no wait, I did for one day, but besides that I haven't again. Till Next Time

7/12/05 - Tuesday 1:33Pm

Well, my best friend bumped into this girl we use to hang with. We haven't seen her in like 6, years. Turns out she had two little girls with her and was 9 months pregnant and do that same day she bumped into my girl. This is her 4th child. I know I have mentioned her on here before, her name is Diana. She's the one that had sex with the guy she couldn't stand and hated but then ended up having his child and falling in-love with him. She is the reason I say you never fucking know who your going to end up with. She's also the girl that had sex with him without kissing him cause she thought he was nasty. I always asked her how could she have sex with someone she thought was nasty, and that she couldn't even see herself kissing. But then again she did it cause he gave her money and other stuff. So, yea she saw her, Diana asked if any of us had kids yet. My girl told her no, that we were all still doing the school, work etc. And into other stuff right now. I would like to see her. maybe chill with her one day. Who knows. I know she asked my girl to leave her number with her mom.

Oh yea, I just found out a lot of people is going to be at that dinner. I'm hoping that this one chick I don't like doesn't go. Don't get me wrong I spoke to her before but she's one of those that without knowing me just doesn't like me. Chrissy is going which I don't mind cause her man isn't, so I'm good. Brandon is going to be there. Its his birthday that day. I met him once before, seen him 3 times in tops.

Wednesday 13, 2005 1:14Pm

I got heated last night that I told my sister to tell my best friend not to book anything for vacation that I wasn't going. I don't know what's going to happen until this girl calls me back. I don't give a shit right now to be honest. I could wait till December to take another vacation.

Oh, I have a new obsession. It's Tivo. My brother has tivo. That shit is hot. I always thought that was probably just a waste of money but after finding out that I can record something while I watch something else I figured that's the thing for me. Also if I have school and work and come home at 11pm I can just record all my shows and not worry that I'm missing anything. Which is always a problem for me cause I really hate it when I miss my shows. MTV always repeats their shows but basic channels don't. Plus I have more shows on basic channels that I watch then on MTV. So yea, I need a TIVO people. I wish someone gave me that as a gift without me even ever mentioning that I wanted it. But that won't happen. But I will get it for myself. That's a must have.

Tonight is the dinner. I'll update on what happens. I did hear their going to cook German food. That's new, I never had that. Till Next Time.

7/18/05 - Monday 12:53Pm

Friday, July 15, 2005 10:54 Am

The Dinner was good. Chrissy's man was cute. The chick I can't stand was there. She didn't look or say anything to me until I was walking out and that's probably cause Brandon was saying bye to me and she looked and then said "Bye." Brandon was another one that was acting funny. But him I excuse cause he knows I know he took something from my brothers house. So now he's known as the theft. He was still nice. The chick I don't like came in with her man, which I found out there that he's a fucking crack head or maybe a former one. Noone knew she was bringing him for what I hear. He looked fucked up. First of all I don't even know how she dares bring a fucking crack head with her to a dinner. I mean you can tell he does something. What else? The food was good. This one chick I met was really nice. Have to go.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

My little brother called me telling me that my dad just appeared at his door. He said he felt a little weird and that he was probably calling his boy Mike to pick him up. I got to speak to my dad. He told me that he tried passing by my house but that he didn't dare knock. He asked me: Can you pass around here so I can see you. I was so glad to say that I wasn't in New York. I don't want to talk to him right now. I told him I was in my brothers house. I put the baby on for him. She's funny, she was talking to him in English at first and as soon as she heard him speak Spanish she said Hola. Well, yea he's over there. My little brother will tell me what happened when they leave. I'm so glad I'm not there right now.

We are going to the movies today. I called my best friend and told her about my dad being in NYC. She is going out with my Mom today to the mall then the movies. She's going to drive pick up my Mom then go pick up Eric.

Sunday, July 17, 2005 10:54 Am

We didn't go to the movies yesterday. We drove around. They were showing me the ghetto parts around here which don't look that ghetto. We we out to eat yesterday at this nice restaurant. When went first drove up I hear a car with reggeaton mind you I was surprised cause I am in country land right now. I don't expect to hear shit like that around here. Once I hear it I start looking around then I see that the car was about to pass right by, slowly, so I just stayed looking. I knew if I saw Spanish guys it was probably going to be some Mexicans. Anyway my brother was going to ask me something at the same time that they were passing, turns out he waits until they pass since he knew I was probably going to be looking at them. Which I think was pretty funny. I guess he figured let me let this chick do her looking since they were looking into our car as well, so then to ask her a question. Till Next Time..

Monday, July 18, 2005 12:23 Pm

I don't know if I mentioned before but I'm still going on vacation. I saw Diary of a mad black women. There was one thing that he said that I believe to be so true. And I probably have said on here before as well.

You Cannot Be Friends With Someone you Love But You Can't Be With.

I hate when guys swear that after they fuck up it's possible to be friends with them. I mean come on if you hurt me I don't want to be around you, especially if your with someone else.

The main reason, well for me is, if I don't want to be your friend anymore is probably cause I still have feelings for you or you just really fucking hurt me to bad. Now, that's only if we stop dating cause you fucked up with another girl. Now, if I thought you did something rude to me and I cut it off with you completely, that doesn't mean I love the person so much I can't be around him, it's cause I don't like being with someone that disrespects me. Now, most of the time when a girl/guy wants to still remain friends is probably cause she didn't care that much or doesn't care about you at all. Which just fucking sucks now that I think about it. Till Next Time.

7/27/05 - Wednesday 9:19Am

Friday, July 22, 2005 1:13Pm

Well, turns out we are not going to DR. My bestfriend was not having it. She kept saying she wanted to have a good vacation and not have people asking her for money and giving her good service cause of how she tips. For what I hear if you don't tip well big chance you'll get your drinks within a half hour. Crazy right. So, she said she wanted to go somewhere that she wouldn't basically have to have a money coming out her bathing suit so she can be treated right. I told her I don't care where I go. I thought I was doing DR, but I really don't care. If she doesn't want to go there fine with me, I just want to vacation I could care less where.

So, I can say now that we are going to Cancun. We already booked it. So no Dr. Maybe next time.

Monday, July 25, 2005 1:13Pm

I have been craving for pizza. You know I love pizza. Especially NYC pizza.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005 9:19Am

Well, I'm going home earlier then what I thought. I'm excited about going home. There's a lot of things that have to be done at home anyway. I really didn't like the idea that I had to get home unpack then repack the next day to leave on vacation again. So, now I get to be home a while before going on vacation. We did push back the vacation 3 days, so that's good as well.

I have to get my ass to the gym as soon as I get back home. Don't get me wrong I was working out here. There are these 4, hills I would go up then around the place and back the 4, hills I did that repeatedly for an hour & 1/2. Then I stopped after like the 3rd week cause it got so hot one day that I couldn't do it. After that I just went to this track near by, and did that for an hour & 1/2. It's not like the gym but good enough. I get to see my Mom on Saturday. I realized while being here that I never stood this long without seeing my Mom. Is that crazy or what.

I have been in AC this whole summer that I don't know how it is to sleep in heat. The whole house is in AC here. Sad thing is that I'm going home to sleep in heat now. I'm going to hate it. I hope is not that bad. Let me post this shit up. Till Next Time.

8/03/05 - Wednesday 11:35Am

Saturday, July 30, 2005 12:15Pm

My Mom gets here today with my best friend. I didn't find this girls blower so I couldn't blow out my hair. I have gotten so dark it's not even funny. I tried so hard not to get dark. I wore a hat every day when I went out to work out. Sad thing is I got darker on the side of my face cause of wearing the hat, which I don't like. On vacation I won't be wearing a hat I'm just going to let my ass get burned. Did I mention that my pony tail got lighter cause the sun was burning it. And the only way to lighten the top part is to take off my hat but I don't want my face to get to tanner.

My niece is crazy, yesterday she had me running around the house cause I hit her with a balloon and she was chasing me. I was screaming and laughing. I don't like people chasing behide me especially if their really close it freaks me out. But it was funny. Let me go

Monday, August 1, 2005 11:07Am

Well, as soon as I got home an hour later someone pulled up in my building calling me. My cousin went to check, all I know it was someone in a Black Expedtion. Who that was? I don't know or care right now. My sister is coming today. My little brother is working on his Movie which he is giving in to SunDance in 2 weeks. I wish he gets it. That would be great. He deserves it.

I am glad to be home. I thought I would probably feel jaded but no. My Mom, Sister & Bestfriend redecorated my house. Except for my room, I made it clear "Ya could do what ever ya want but do not touch my room, Please". I like it, it looks nice.

I was unpacking and repacking at the same time you believe that. I unpacked my small luggage first so when I started with the big I could pack the stuff to Cancun in the little one at once.

Tuesday, August 2, 2005 6:43PmWell, Angel called me today. I saw the number come out on my cell but I didn't recognized it. So he called to say hi and also to let me know he is moving to Florida, Thursday morning. I'm happy for him. He tells me that whenever I'm in Florida to give him a call . So I might just do that. I wonder what ever made him want to look up there. Well, I wish him the best. One thing I noticed in a lot about my entry's is that I digress a lot. Some times I do it to the point that I don't even understand what the fuck I was talking about. So I'm sorry if there are times that you just don't get me. There's so much shit going through my head some times and I just want to put it all out there.

My sister liked my tan. She said I look pretty. Wait till I get back from Cancun I don't think is going to look that pretty anymore...

Wednesday, August 3, 2005 11:43Am

Well, went to school today to sign some papers and get my class for September. These two girls in my block were screaming crazy shit at each other. It was funny. Interesting to.

I'm fucking hot. You know I actually hated this one song before but I really like it now, its called Don't Cha, It's by the PussyCat Dolls Its a cute song. Till Next Time.

8/07/05 - Saturday 12:36Am

Last night was the hottest day so far in my house. I moved around so much. I had the fan right on me and was naked and still no justice. I know your probably wondering why I don't just get an "AC. Now let me say I had a brand new one. My problem was that the cord did not reach the outlet. I heard that you cannot plug an AC to an extension cord cause you can start a fire. So what I did was, that I got rid of the AC. Now, I feel that maybe I should have found out if that is true before getting rid of it. I bet there's a lot of people out there with an AC attached to an extension cord. If I can do that I will never sleep in the heat again. Unless I choose to.

I saw my little brothers girlfriend on a picture, she is pretty. She's from Jersey. He is dying to bring her to my house. I have not met her cause as soon as he got with her I left to my brothers. Also I leave to vacation in a few days, and when I come back he goes on vacation with her for a week. So I guess I'll be meeting her in September. I have spoken to her, she seems very sweet & out going. She told me she's inlove with him. I asked him if he loves her he say's yes. So I hope everything goes good for them. I asked him about all the other chicken heads he was dealing with. He told me he doesn't call them anymore and that some still call him. When they see that he doesn't want anything to do with them they ask him if he's with someone. Of course he say's yes. If he would have told me that he said no, I think I would have gotten pissed. Cause why make another girl think your still available when your not. All its going to do is make the girl think something between the both of them could still work out.

When I speak to my niece she keeps saying "TiTi I really really really really really really miss you". I say it back the same way. I love her so much. I miss her like crazy. Oh yea, I went baby shopping for the new baby. I actually got baby fever I think. Everything was so cute. The cribs were hot. I can't wait when its my turn. Hopefully I have a good husband that can spoil me and get me everything I want for that child. Trust me its a turn off to be having your first child and your man saying why we need this, or that etc.. I hope when I'm in that stage that everything goes good.

I'm fucking hot people. I can't take it.

So, every Dominican restaurant you go to now in days have Mexican cookers. Now, is it still a Dominican restaurant or Mexican one. Well, they don't do Mexican food there so I guess it's not a Mexican restaurant. But can someone leave saying "Wow, Dominican food is delicious." I don't know. I would give the credit probably to the person who cooked it. Mexicans cook good to be honest. I think I had actual Mexican food twice in my life. I know, that's sad, I should try it again.

Queer As Folk is almost finished. This is the last season.

(M) got his room, thank goodness. I pick up my braces at the end of the month. I'm picking it up at the end cause there's to much traveling right now, and I rather wait so I can start them when there's not much shit going on. As soon as I get back from vaca I have to start studying.

Till Next Time

Forgive Everything, Forget nothing.

Forgiveness does not mean absolving the person from guilt. It does NOT mean you are condoning what they did. It means you no longer hold yourself at their mercy. You release the hold their actions have on you.

8/10/05 - Wednesday 12:55Am

Well, I got my shoe box of Sex And The City for $89. Which is pretty good cause they go for $169 -$200. I know your probably wondering damn this chick keeps writing, when is she leaving to Cancun. Well, don't worry cause this is my last entry until I get back.

I have the prettiest complexion right now. I'm going to have an ugly tan by the time I get back. I'm taking 2 bottles of Sunblock, hoping I won't burn that much. Today I got my books, the ones I need to study with. Till I Get Back.

8/21/05 - Sunday 11:53Pm

Well, just in case, a friend of mine didn't get what I meant when I wrote that I had gotten my Sex And The City Shoe Box. So, for those of you that don't know, it is not a pair of shoes, it's the whole season of Sex And The City Series 1-6 that comes in a pink sex & the city shoe box. That's what I am happy about, not a pair of actual shoes.

August 12, 2005, Friday 11:56Am.

Spoke to Angel. I told him I was a little disappointed when he told me he was leaving to Florida. I'm probably going to try and go up there for like a holiday or something who knows. I'm just glad I was honest and told him how I felt. I told him I wish him the best and I meant it from my heart.

Do you believe, I leave tonight and I didn't even sleep last night cause my cousin called me at 2, am cause he was attack by a counselor at camp. The thing is, he is going home today, so I think they just had it out for him so they figured to get him the last night he was there. To be honest my cousin (M) is a pain in the ass. He is a fucker at times.

I ended up going to sleep around 5, am and I woke up at 8, am this morning. I am not sleepy at all right now but when I get to Cancun I might be Exhausted. I do leave to the airport at 4:30 am tonight. I don't even think I'll be able to sleep today. I'm fucking hot. I'll be posting this when I get back from Cancun. To much shit I'm telling you.

Did I mention we're going to be driving ATV's in Cancun. I hope its a lot of fun. Well let me go, my next posting is going to be after my vacation. Till Next Time

I'm back from Cancun

9/02/05 - Friday 1:36Pm

My dog died today. She was sick, her stomach was getting bigger each day, we didn't know what was wrong. This morning before I left to get my braces, I was sitting in the livingroom and I heard her cry and when I went to see, she was trying so hard to breath but couldn't. I just grab my mouth and started crying cause I knew this was it for her. I knew she was going to die. I had no help. Noone to get her. Nada. I just cried. I'm just glad that she died quickly, it wasn't like I saw her suffering for hours. It was just like 5, minutes or maybe even less. I was in the train crying. In the bus crying. She was my baby. She is my baby

I got my braces today. I'm only eating one meal a day for now cause this shit fucking hurts. To take them off to eat today was a bitch. I was in pain. Then to put them on is another hassle. So I decided that one main meal a day until I get use to it will be good. Cause I can't think of even taking them off three times a day. Sorry Don't Think So.

I got in contact with some people we met in Cancun. I have been studying, which sucks.

Oh yea, my best friends man is walking on edge right now. He said the wrong thing. He fucked up.

I met my little brothers girlfriend. She is a sweet heart, she's smart, funny, outgoing, pretty. My brother tells me that she really liked me, and she liked how I made her feel really comfortable and I spoke to her like I new her for years. Now, that's all cause she has that vibe that certain people give off, that make you feel comfortable. She's really cool. I'm glad he's with her and not those other chicken heads he was dealing with. Oh yea, she also is going to medical school. Really smart girl. She tells me yesterday that she would like to come over again one day and cook dinner. I told her she's more then welcome to.

I'm still trying to get my Cancun entry up but it's taking me some time. I'm actually leaving out a lot of shit to be honest. Till Next Time.

9/06/05 - Tuesday 3:10Pm

What's up? I'm bored, I shouldn't be online right now. I should be studying. I'm reading this book called Bad Girlz. Not bad, hopefully it gets better. Let me go and do what needs to be done.

I want to go back to Mexico. I had a blast there. I don't know where we are going next year. We did say if more people are going then we go back to Cancun. If it's just use girls then we're going to Costa Rica or Brazil. Who knows, as you can see we change our minds right at the last minute when it comes to vacation. I still would like to go to DR. That might be a while cause everyone is turned off by dr.

I don't even have a dollar to fax something, do you believe that. I had to ask my little brother to come by today just so he can lend me $4. He asked me if I needed more then that I said no, just $4. The bill's this month is going to be in late. Well, not the Rent. That I don't play with. So, yea this is sad. But it's all good. Life is still beautiful. Till Next Time.

9/14/05 - Wednesday 10:59Pm

I put on my new braces on today, since this is my 2nd, week. It was a hassle. For a minute there I thought the shit was never going to snap in. I decided I'm not eating for the next 3/4, day's. I can't put myself through the pain of taking them off and putting them back on.

My sister was kind of down the last couple of day's. So, she called me back today and tells me that after talking to me she felt so much better. She felt like something was lifted off her shoulders. I told her, that what ever we spoke about was what was bothering her and she probably didn't realize that, that was the problem.

Well, we're wondering what's going to happen for Thanksgiving. I think everyone is going up to my brothers. We are the one's that are cooking if we go. Also my brothers girl is due around that time, so if we do go we are hoping that she gives birth while we are there.

I know, I never mentioned that I'm going to be a Titi for the second time, to another Beautiful Baby Girl .

Well, I hope that Fernando Ferrer wins the election.

I was watching Carlitos way 2, yesterday. Jay Hernandez is so hot. I liked him ever since I first saw him in Crazy/Beautiful. That's a fine ass Mexican. I didn't get to finish it cause it's not as good as the first Carlitos way but watching Jay was entertaining enough. I'll finish it some time. Till Next Time.

9/18/05 - Sunday 2:50Am

Cancun

Day 1 : August 14, 2005 Sunday

Well, I was a little afraid of flying like always, nothing new. Plus, my little brother kept freaking me out the day before. The cab was suppose to pick us up at 4, Am but he ended up coming at 3:30, asking us to go down. To be honest I need those extra 30, minutes to get into travel mode. So, we get in the plane and I hear this chick behind me tell the guy next to her in spanish "When you go to Cancun do you use protection?" He was like "Hey ,hey" lower your voice. That shit was loud. So, we get there this man comes takes our luggage's puts us in the transfer bus that takes us to our hotel.

So, we're there the hotel is very nice. We got there around 10:35Am. Check in was at 3, PM so we we're able to walk around, eat. The lady told us to come back at 2, just incase they had a room available.

So, we go eat in the outside lunch area by the pool. Once we go in we are greeted by this guy named Wilbert, which we ended up calling my boyfriend for the whole trip. So, when I say boyfriend it's him I'm talking about. And no he is not my boyfriend it's just a joke we had cause we flirted with each other so much and had a thing for for one another. Anyway, I almost got attacked by a bee, but thank goodness that Wilbert was always watching and saw me fighting with the bee and came to help me and got the bee away. Since I first laid eyes on him I started flirting none stop till the day I left. There was some kind of connection there. Well, after we finish eating we went back up to the lobby. It was about 12Pm. I couldn't take it I told (V) to check and see if there was a room available. When she left to go check shit out I knocked out, I open my eye's saw her coming and knocked out again. Turn's out there was a room available. We go in the room, it was very nice, the balcony lead to the pool area, and we can see directly to the lunch area where my boyfriend worked. Which later I found out he would look from there to our room to see if he saw me. So (V) wanted to get into the pool, I didn't cause I had a fat headache, since I didn't sleep for like 2, days.

2nd Day: August 15, 2005 Monday.

By the way I will talk about (V) a lot cause she did have an attitude have the time.

We went to the pool this morning. I was there chillin then I look around and noticed Willie looking at me, he smiled so I smiled back. (V) comes out and say's "Damn he doesn't even look at anyone else and say hi, I think he likes you"

Later that day I fucking lock my luggage with my key's in side. So I go to pay for the ATV's and Jet Ski's and decide to take my luggage with me so I can ask the guy if he knows where I can go to get help with my luggage. Turns out on my way out of my room I see Wilbert with 2 other guys. So he looks back smiles and I signal for him to come over to me. So he comes and I explain what happened. The other 2 guys start fucking around saying to get the Ax. I start laughing & their bugging out cracking jokes. So I remember hearing one of the guys say "I have a key for those locks, but then he stood quiet. Which I got the idea later that he figured to stay quiet cause people might wonder why is he walking around carrying a luggage key. So my boyfriend tells me if he can take my luggage, I said yes and I walked behind the guys while they were joking around. So, right before Wilbert is going down he tells me that I have pretty eye's, so I smiled and said thank you but hoped that he would ask me if they were natural. Cause I was wearing gray contacts the whole week there. So, I guess he saw it in my face then asked me in spanish if they were natural I said No, of course. And right before he goes down he tells me "You still have pretty eye's". Then he comes back up in less then a minute with it opened. I said thank you and left.

By that time I was already thinking he was kind of cute.

We, also went to the beach today. The water was so rough that when I took my sandal off I just decided to say bye to them cause the ocean just took them. The fucked up shit was that I freaked out for a minute and couldn't move. This girl was telling me that my sandal was leaving and I just stared at it. My feet started to sink into the sand I couldn't move I was scared all of a sudden. My girl was the one that went and got my sandal. This guy in the beach was laughing cause he saw me just stare at them go, but then again noone knew I was freaked out at that moment.

Saw my boyfriend for lunch he was asking us if we were going to this club called Congos. I think that was the name.

Well, we were just chilling by the pool/lunch area and I was looking towards Wil and his boy, do you believe they both got shy on me. They both started fixing themselves then cracked up. Wil stepped away to do his job and all of a sudden his boy slipped and fell. I didn't want to laugh but it was funny. If it was a bad fall I wouldn't laugh of course, but we were all laughing. Wil came to my table and tried to be serious but I was still giggling so he started cranking up. So that's when this girl snapped a picture of Wil without us knowing. Later she passes me the camera and I see his pic, I was like "Damn girl, your fucking good. We just started laughing. Well, I have been taking advantage of the drinks. The food is OK, it could be worst. Our ATV'S & Speed Boat tours are tomorrow. (V) just clogged the toilet.

3rd Day: August 16, 2005 Tuesday.

Well, we did our ATV'S & Speedboats today. I had a lot of fun. Turn's out when we were leaving with the atv's I forgot how to start the damn thing. I was the last person to leave HA HA Ha. That's what I get for not paying attention. My girl was like, "you got it." I was like, "Yea I got it." One time I was going so fast and hit a bump and lost grip of the handle.

With the speedboats I was so excited at first but after being in the ocean and the waves crashing I got so fucking scared. I was the second one in line and when I started freaking out I lost it. I seriously thought I was still second in line and when I look I'm not only last but way behind. That shit scared me. I don't think I would do it again. Unless some people I'm with haven't done it and they want to and only as a second passenger not by myself. I tasted so much salt water that day. Oh yea, I would freak out ever now and then and try and slow it down but instead I would speed it up. It was the worst, but fun at the same time. When we were leaving the place we get in this van and there was like one seat left right next to me and the driver tells this guy in Spanish "Look I got one seat left and I got it for you next to the cutest girl in the van." I just started laughing and so did the guy. Everyone in Mexico are flirts.

We got to the hotel, got dressed and went to see that haunted show they had that night. It was pretty good. Thank goodness they had nightly shows..

5th Day: August 18, 2005 Thursday.

Well, yesterday we went to the Isla Shopping center. I didn't get anything, I might get a key chain and that's about it. I told myself no more shopping on vacations. We went to the movies to kill some time. It was a Christina Ricci movie. I don't know the name of it, but it was not bad. And yes it was in english.

The Caribbean show was yesterday. It was nice. I wanted to go clubbing last night but this chicky didn't want to go.

I fucked up today. Wilbert asked me out today and I didn't understand him and I said No. I couldn't understand what he was saying in Spanish. I so wanted to go out with him to. I know, I know spanish and I couldn't even understand him when he was asking me out. When I said no, he put this face, and that's when I got it. So, I told my girl and she was like "you know he just got the courage to ask you and you just blew him off". So, we were trying to figure out how was I going to get him to ask me again or me just explain that I misunderstood him.

Well, I decided to just let it go.

Anyway, after him this other worker named Jose asked me if I wanted to go out and that he got out at 5, PM if I was open to it. I wasn't really interested cause I knew this girl already didn't like him. So, I just told him that we were leaving at 5. Which we were. Oh yea, that's another one. When me and Wilbert were talking Jose tells Wilbert and this other guy to step off cause he is rapping to me. Wilbert put his head down and then asked me if I heard what this guy said, I said no. And of course he relayed it back to me. I just laughed. And after that was that Wilbert tells me "You have a lot of admirers". I just shrugged and smiled.

I forgot to mention yesterday, that this guy (Wil) was off. His boy was super friendly and flirty with me. Mind you he has never flirted with me at all. And when Wil came back today he not once flirted or was over friendly. He was still nice but not like yesterday. We are going shopping today, and to catch another movie to kill some more time.

In my actual Journal book the one I take on vacation with me, there is a part there about (V) and how rude she was with me, cause of the guys. I know it had to do with the whole thing about them asking me out etc... Cause she was fine until I told her everything that happened then all of a sudden she was cranky. All I kept in mind was "This is Cancun I'm not letting this chick get to me". But I'm not going to put all the shit that happened in the room that day. So, I'll skip that.

Four new guys came to the hotel today. One has a hot body. He keeps smiling and saying "Hi" every time I see him around. He seems nice.

Oh yea, I had a bad as dream last night.

Well, last night we're sleeping, all of a sudden I get up off my bed and I'm looking towards the door of the room screaming. "Help Me! Help Me! Please Help Me". This girl freaks out she starts looking towards the door thinking someone was trying to come in or someone came in threw the patio and tried to grab me. When she noticed I was just there screaming by myself, she screamed Eni so fucking loud that I woke up scared and in shock. I just dropped down on the bed. Then after I calmed down, I start laughing, I couldn't stop. We started making fun of my ass. It was hilarious.

Now, all I remember from the actual dream was that, someone had locked us in a room and it got pitch black and I started to get scared, and that's when a man opened a door to the other side and he was about to close the door again, so before he locked us in again I started screaming "Help Me! Help Me! Please Help Me" so he can hear me and let us out. And that's when I woke up cause this bitch screamed cause I scared the shit out of her. After all the laughing and ragging on me, I was like:

"Hold up I heard when someone is up in their sleep your not suppose to wake them up, especially not by screaming at them.

That was funny. I have never in my life acted out my dreams ever. It was funny, well afterwards it was.

"Thursday, afternoon

Well, (V) wants to sleep now. I think she is cranky, and I don't know about what. She picked up this box off the night table and dust it off before she put it on the bed. They're a lot of insects around that's why you have to dust shit off before putting it on a bed. Anyway, I thought she had mints, so I asked her "Oh, what you eating" This chick rolled her eye's, picked up the box with an attitude and said "It's Tubs, You want one". I got so heated. I was just like "Wow, why is it that you always seem to have an attitude with everything? Why the attitude?". She tried to say she didn't have one but common sense if you just had to change your voice and body language to play it off and say "I don't have an attitude". That tells someone right there they just changed it to play it off they didn't have one. I just repeated "Yes, you do." She just stood quiet.

Then not even 5, minutes later she got me heated again cause right after that she kept putting boxes from the night table on the bed, mind you, the bed I sleep on, and I know she was doing it carelessly. So, I just told her can you please not put that on the bed. She just stood quiet. Anyway, I tried for her not to go to sleep but she just was like: I'm bored I'm going to sleep. I'm thinking to myself, "Your in Cancun and you want to sleep. So, I tried to tell her that we can go to the bar if it's that she doesn't want to go the lunch area cause of the guys.

The lunch area is where all the guys are.

She say's that she doesn't want to go to the bar and just sit there to kill time. Now, I'm thinking, OK but you want to stay in your room sleeping in Cancun. Then she starts laughing after she gave that comment cause she probably noticed she sounds pretty stupid saying that and wanting to go to sleep instead. I was like, you know what I'm out see you later. I wasn't about to fuck up my vacation cause of her. She wants to get cranky after I tell her about the guys. Go right ahead. I don't know but if I went on a vacation with a group of people I wouldn't want to be the one to fuck shit up. Even if I'm cranky I'll try to keep it to myself not to fuck it up for anyone else. Thank goodness I have never been cranky on a vacation. . But fuck no.

So, there's 4, new guys here. One is kind of cute, & another has a nice as body. I think I said this already.

6th Day: August 19, 2005 Friday.

We went Jet Skiing today. We had a lot of fun. We were at the lagoon, which is way better then the ocean they say. I've never done it in the ocean. The view of Mexico was beautiful. Very pretty. I was talking with Wil for hours today. He was telling me how he thinks in a few months he'll be in the United States. Virginia to be exact. Which we thought sucks cause if we come next year he won't be here to have fun with. He asked me what type of guys I like and what type of guy I thought he was. Then he asked me What type of girl I was cause he can't figure me out. Well, I figure I've been there for a while talking so it's time for me to go back. When I was leaving him I told him I'll see him tomorrow. He tells me to remember he gets out of work at 5, PM. So I said, OK no problem. Then as I walk away he tells me "Unless you want me to wake you up very early in the morning". So I winked at him and then Shrugged and said "Hey who knows". He smiled, I smiled, then I left.

7th Day: August 20, 2005 Saturday.

So, I went to the pool today. These 2, girls I met before were there chilling to, they're from Mexico. Very nice girls. I saw Wil by the pool. He said hi. I wasn't up for the flirting or talking, so I said hi and looked away. After being there for a while, from far away you can see dark clouds and in less then 15, minutes it was over us, so everyone got out of the pool. Later on it was raining like crazy, then it slowed down. So, it was our last day there, we decided to go chill by the lunch area. The guy's today were funny as hell. One of them I think didn't like (v) and would put a face when she wasn't looking. I would look at her for her to look at him, but she wouldn't. Sometimes he would pass by her and pretend he wanted to choke her and put his arms around her neck. She would just laugh. He probably was thinking "lighten up, girl".

I wasn't being that nice to Wil today, I actually was ignoring him. Why? I don't know. He would pass by and look at me and I can tell he was looking and not once I looked up at him. After ignoring him for a while, one of the other guys was playing cards with us and he came right next to me and was talking, I so tried not to look up but I felt like I was being mean for no reason. So I acknowledged him, smiled then looked away quickly. The French guy came to play cards with us. He gave us his Email, told us if we ever go to Paris to let him know. He owns a Restaurant in Pari.

We met a lot of other people there I didn't mention. Well, we met these newlyweds. Very cool people. They had that strong country accent. She was funny. One day when we were watching one of the shows, we all sat together, so she asked us if we understood the Spanish music that was playing. So, my girl comes out and say's "Of course, We're spanish". This girl comes out and says, and very country at that "Oh, I would have never guessed". I started laughing. Then she looks at her husband and tells him that we're Latina's. Do you believe he comes out and say's "Wow, Get out, There are a lot of dark skin people in NY you can't tell who's what". Which I find funny cause it's not like we are dark. I had a tan but it looked like just a tropical tan on a light skin girl. So, she started asking where we were from. She said I had a complete different accent and that she noticed mine the most. Which to me I don't have one. But then again just like we hear country people different they hear us different as well. Oh, yea, another funny thing she said was

"So, when you guys hear the music you guys like translated it in your brains to English".

I started rolling when she said that. I loved the fact that she was honest and funny and said what she was thinking. When your curious it's always good to ask. So yea, I started laughing then she cracked up as well. I think they were the coolest people we met there. We met them the very first day we got there. She's 21 and he is 24. He has a business with he's brother, they build houses. She was telling us that he build their house, so when they get back home that's going to be like their first nights together there. Which that's cool to have a husband that builds houses cause he can build you one exactly how you want it.

So, back to our last day in the lunch area. I decided I wanted to bounce as soon as Wil left to the bar. So when I see him leave I get up and said hurry let's bounce I don't want the awkward good-bye. Right when we get up I tried to leave so fast that the deck of cards I had in my hands few out of my hands and landed all over me and on the floor. I started laughing, I was just like "That's what I get for trying to leave without saying bye" This other waiter looked at me and just smiled. I smiled back. So I picked up the cards really fast and headed out. I didn't get to see him after that. I didn't stand by our patio just incase he would look for me, from there. I regret doing that, after I did it. I wished I had not done that. I'm mean people. He was the one that entertained me and I didn't even feel like saying bye .

Well, saw the last show today it was wack. HAHA. We spoke to one of the dancers, funny thing is, threw out the whole vacation not once did this guy come up to talk to us but then again he pointed out moments when he sat by us and when he saw us talking while he was on stage. So, I'm like hold up, that means this guy was paying attention to us the whole time, he just pretended not to. That's funny. He was really nice, he talked about his passion for dancing and how he wants to dance for Cruise Ships. We told him we been on cruise ships. He asked about how they performed etc... I told him he was the hottest one on stage when they did the YMCA performance. Which is true, I was checking him out. He was moving really good. He was the Army guy. HAHA. He started laughing. He was like: "Did I do it good? We were like: Hell Yea. We exchanged E-mails that night and left after the show.

Well, we headed home. Do you believe I couldn't stop flirting when I got back to NYC. I must say I flirted so much in Mexico that it just came back with me. Don't get me wrong I have my ways of flirting here, but every girl knows when your on vacation with your girls it's a totally different flirting when you up in a different place. So. I'm in the car heading back home, and I noticed that I'm fucking flirting with every guy that's checking me out in the highway. After I realized it, I was like, "Hold up, I'm home, I need to stop". So I did. I get home, everyone is like damn you look different, pretty etc...I told them everything that went down, even the shit with (V). I told them I had a blast. Which I must say

"This is by far the best Vacation I have ever had.

Hopefully, there's more to come..

El Fin

Well, I just want to apologize about this entry. I kept digressing like crazy. One minute I remember to write it out like I have it on my journal book, while I was there. The next minute I forget and just write it out like I'm telling a story. So, I apologize about that. I just hope its understandable. If it's not, so be it. I'm trying to at least give a little inside story about Cancun, Mexico. And this is not even half. So, I hope you enjoyed it

9/23/05 - Saturday 2:02Am

9/21/05 - Wednesday 11:38 Pm

I have been getting these phone calls with blocked Id which I can't stand. I always miss them, and I hope I keep missing them. The thing with me is that I get tempted when I see a blocked #. You also know I have had crank calls from dumb ass bitches before so I'm afraid that they have started with their shit again. That's why I get tempted to pick up blocked #'s. I pick up hoping that it's a guy I used to talk to and not them crazy as bitches. It got to the point that I even had to erase my voice message so that if bitches called me they would be confused and think maybe I changed my number. Now I got the automated voice machine. Everyone knows how bad those prerecorded messages sound.

My best friend got robbed today. She said when she got home Eric noticed that when he opened the door the lock was unlocked. So, he went to the bathroom and she went to the livingroom, that's when she noticed the garbage on the floor but even after that she thought nothing of it. It was when she went to the bedroom that her mattress was flipped over, the things in her closet were knocked down. She said they must have been in a hurry cause they bypassed the Ipods, Video Camera, flat screen monitor etc...All they took was Eric's Laptop, her Elf Digital Camera. Well, that's all I remember as of right now. I asked her about her Credit Cards. She said they looked in that draw but didn't take any of them. She's still going to report them anyway. She feels so violated. I can't even imagine. I feel so bad for her. People are evil. I think it was an inside job. I mean think about someone is not going to go into a random building and choice to rob the 4th, floor. I think it's someone who lives in that same building maybe even in the same floor. I can tell you right now she probably can't even sleep right now knowing someone came into her apartment just a few hours ago. When I was talking to her on the phone something made a noise and she screamed, and It was just something that fell on the floor. I know I wouldn't even be able to handle it.

I could even say she's probably going to want to move out of there A.S.A.P. I mean who wants to live some place where you feel unsafe. I know for a fact she's probably feeling unsafe right now. Your home is the one place where you are at peace and where you feel safe. She might get over it but I bet it would take a while. This is some serious shit. This fucking sucks.

9/23/05 - Saturday 12:09 AmWell, turns out the Super told my friend that it could have been someone who lives in the building. He said that 5, months ago this man in the same floor got robbed, and that he has the same lock as (V). Also when my friend first moved in she was told to get a second lock cause the one she had was a cheap one. She had one of those locks they put in the entries of a building door. Like I said she couldn't sleep at all last night. I called her this morning around 7:50Am, to check up on her and she was wide awake. Oh yea, turns out, like I said before they didn't take a lot of shit that they could have. My friend said that as soon as she realized they got robbed she made Eric delete something they had in the Video camera. I told her that would have been foul if someone got a hold of that shit.

I got a phone call today from that blocked #. I had a guy pick up my phone. I told him if a girl asked for me to say she had the wrong number. Turns out it was this guy I know from a while back named Victor. So, I took the phone said hi. He was like "Did I catch you at a wrong time" I said yes. And he just said he'll call me back another time. My thing is I don't know why this guy keeps calling me. This is someone I was talking to a long time ago. How the fuck does he keep my number all this time. We didn't even click well. So now, out of eon he's going to try again. Please.

But I am happy to know that he is the Blocked #. Till Next Time.

9/27/05 - Tuesday 6:01 Pm

You people don't even know what went down today. Do you believe I got an Email from some weird as person telling me that I had emailed my Journal page to her. Now, I'm thinking it can't be cause I don't email my shit to anyone. Then I remember that my hotmail account has my page as a Signature. But then again I didn't email anyone on Aol. So, I just emailed her this:

Eni: For one I never emailed you anything so you must have of it from someone I know. Second my Journal page is on my Signature, that's why it pops up when I email people. And you know what I might just take that out of my signature cause I wouldn't want some crazy as bitch like yourself to read my shit. So, Thank you for letting me know. Once again I never emailed you.

Crazy Bitch:Yes u Did I am Victor Chino's wife u Fucking Bitch u Emailed it to me

So, by this time I'm thinking: Fucking great. I never email this mother fucker and the first time I foward some shit to him, to be safe when driving this Bitch desides she wants to break into his email. My fucking luck. I was hoping she checked his sent mail so she can see all the shit he's written to me but then again, I think he's not that stupid.

So I reply with:

Eni: Well, you know what I wasn't sending him my page sweetie. I was just asking him to be careful for one. Another thing since you have access to his emails then why dont you read all the stuff he has sent me then. The last time he sent me something was 2/3 weeks ago. I have nevered emailed him until this Friday and I can swear on that. Cause like I tell Victor all the time I want nothing to do with him...It just so happenes that I happened to be sending out emails that day and felt as in I needed to send it to everyone that I knew that drives. But sweetie all jokes asside he has been the one that has not left me alone ever since all that shit blew up. You can even ask him if I ever emailed him at all. I never have, maybe thats why he felt comfortable giving you his email account cause he knows I never email him back when he writes to me....Infact I have a lot of shit that victor has written to me, and not one has an impact on me. I don't date other peoples men sweetie. I told you before and will tell you again. Now do me a favor and don't email me again. I don't want to have to call Victor and tell him your bothering me again. Thank You.

Crazy Bitch: bitch i never emailed you you emailed the page to my email i dont check victor's email cause i dont have access and u need to be the one not to email me this is the first time that you email after all that shit i dont need to put up with that shit stop emailing me i dont need to recieve emails fromyou go ahead call him you fucking buiitch i dont need to be knowing your diary business you fucking cunt..... stop emailing me i am going to tell my husband.....u obviosly still remember my email from last time u must want him that you keep email ing me and him.

Just in case that's her exact words I just copyed and paste it onto this page

Now, check this out, a few minutes before this I had emailed Victor letting him know this chick was emailing me and that she wouldn't stop. Also, that she must have broken into his email account. Now, she just wrote to me saying to stop emailing her and him. Now, how does she know I emailed him if she doesn't have access to his account. And she clams that I emailed her my page.

So, by this time I'm Thinking: You Dumb Fucking Bitch, Get your story Straight.

Also I cracked up when she wrote Cunt. I found that shit hilarious. Who the fuck uses that word. HAHAHAHa

Now, because of copy and paste & Delete the bitch was able to delete the email I sent her or basically remove it so when she emails me back it wouldn't come out. Which was very smart of her. So, Bitch I give you credit. It was just me telling her:

Omg I know what your doing, your trying to make Victor or even people think that I emailed you cause you don't want to get caught for checking his email. Your fucking crazy bitch. Etc....

So yea, that's what happened today. To be honest I think she's very immature. She has to be maybe 21/22, yrs old cause not even a 23, year old is that dumb. If she would have came to me with respect and just asked questions I would have told her. Well, I don't know, I take that back cause I wouldn't want to hurt Victor. But if she would have asked if he ever contacted me after the whole thing blew up I would have told her the truth.

Would I have given her details to how far did it go, no. And that is cause I don't want to hurt him. But she could have had some type of clue. Which is better then nothing to be honest. So yea, I had to call Victor and tell him. I think when I called him she must have been fighting with him cause when I called, he picked up frustrated. But I was able to talk to him and let him know what had happened. I even told him that he knows I never emailed him, and that it just so happened that I wrote to him this weekend and that I would like him to be honest with her and tell her that I am not the one that has been contacting him. I know he's not going to admit that he contacts me. To be honest I won't ask him to admit that.

That's like asking someone to jump off the building and try and land on their feet.

I just want her to know that I don't want her man, I didn't even forgive him even after all the beautiful things he said. I'm a strong female I don't go back to people that have hurt me. I keep it moving, that's just not me.

To be honest after witnessing her attempt to switch the story, and make it seem like I emailed her and it wasn't her that emailed me. It hit me: Oh Shit, these two are alike, They belong together. Their both liars, slick, Crazy ass People. Well, he's not crazy but I know she's crazy.

I'm trying to put this entry in before I have to go. Hope It comes out right. I'll check it when I get home. Till Next Time.

Later On: 11:47Pm

Well, as I was copying and pasting some of the shit that crazy bitch was writing I just started laughing. Just seeing how she would write certain things so it can seem like I am bothering her. And how she wrote: I'm tired of you emailing me. This chick is dumb, I mean in order for you to have proof of me bothering you, it has to be me writing, bothering you, Not you writing to me saying leave me alone. She was probably so upset by the email I sent him and didn't even think how she was going to go about it, and just reacted. I just hope that Victor checks out all those emails good and checks, who sent what to whom, and hopefully notices that every time she got an email from me it was responding to her crazy emails. I also hope he asks her to show him the email that I supposedly sent her with my journal page on it. Please, I bet she's going to have to say "Well, I was so pissed I deleted it". Cause there's No such Email. She should have just been honest and said "Look I couldn't help it, I'm crazy and needed to check your email".

That chick is funny. Now, it's common sense I can't get her email. Now, how can I get it. How is that possible, I only spoke to the chicky like 4, times tops, over the phone mind you years ago. And as soon as that I never ever even spoke to Victor again. And when I did, it was him asking to forgive him and at those times I was sending him to hell with that shit.

Damn, Victor has bad fucking luck. His luck I would decide to be nice and send him a be careful email right when the chicky wants to hack his shit. I never even think about him, well only when he emails me but besides that I don't. Wow, I guess that was suppose to happen. I was telling a few friends about it, and they even say the same thing.

I was thinking imagine this chick has been violating his privacy for the longest, but then again if she was doing it for a while she must have seen the emails he sent me. And the last one was right after I came back from Cancun. And I didn't even reply with a bad comment like I usually do. Every time he bothers me I reply rudely back with "Leave me the Fuck alone" and his comeback is "I'm still going to love you or care about you, what ever he feels like saying that day.

I feel bad for him right now to be honest. I don't know why. If he never would have been sending me emails I don't think he would have gotten caught. The reason I emailed him this weekend was cause he popped in my head cause he just emailed me 3, weeks ago. If I hadn't gotten an email from him I would have not thought about sending him that email.

Poor baby. He's still a sweetheart. I know people are thinking that I contradict myself when I say that but that's how I feel. I hate him for what he did to me. But overall his heart is good. I still won't forgive him but I would never wish him bad. Oh well.

So, anyway moving along, everyone was in my house this weekend. We had a party for the baby. She was so excited. Her face glowed. That's my baby. She talks so much, she's smart as hell. I just spoke to her today, she's still talking about the party.

Did I mentioned, the day of my test I was sitting next to this kind of cute guy but he had the worst smell on him. He distracted me from my test a few times with that smell. Then I had asked him a question and he got closer, which I'm like fucking great, why did I ask. Oh yea, remember the guy from my class that wouldn't leave me alone I saw him in another class. Well, on Thursday I was in the same room as he was, he said what's up, and I said hi. So this girl comes in and he grabs her when he says hi to her, and she's looking at him like, what the fuck your doing we're not close like that. Anyway, as he does that he looks at me to see if I'm looking. Now why do guys think that if they try and get you jealous you might give them more attention. I mean when a guy does that I ordermatically think he's immature and I just won't fuck with that. So, yea he tried to pull that shit on me, like if I'm actually going to find him cuter after that. My man your still not my type. Well, let me go. Till Next Time.

9/28/05 - Wednesday 9:31Am Pm

I should have known the psycho wasn't going to stop. This bitch is still playing it off like I emailed her. She should be a fucking women and be honest and admit that she broke into his email account and saw his shit. Come on, She's a fucking mother and she plays childish games. I would think people mature after having a child. Well, maybe the majority do just not the real ignorant ones I guess. I decided I'm not emailing this bitch back at all. That's what she want's she wants me keep replying to her so she can try and tell Victor that I emailed her. Please it ain't going to happen cause I'm not emailing that Psycho back. As soon as she sent me that first email I should have just deleted it and not replied. As soon as I noticed I didn't know who the fuck it was I should have just left it that way. But no, out of being curious & knowing that I never email my journal to anyone and she's calming I did I wanted to know who she was. Plus I thought for a minute it was one of my girls fucking with me if anything. Anyway She just sent me this morning at 8:13 Am:

Crazy Bitch: keep fucking with me you are just a fucking psycho who wants my husband but can never had him you are just a fucking psycho and to hard hard for you to admit bitch keep sending email bitch.

Now if you noticed it seems like maybe Victor is feeding into her game and is telling her that I still want him. That's fucking funny cause everyone knows and he knows very well that he's the one on my ass, and I never contact him at all. And if it's not him saying anything it's just her in denial. Which is sad, I must say. Come on grow up. Bitch has my fucking Journal page. You know what, go ahead read the damn thing. I was upset at the fact that she was able to read my personal shit. But fuck it, Read it bitch, that way you can see all the things he has said to me while still with you, and she can see that he never left me alone. That's some pathetic ass bitch. If I was to ever attack a girl cause my man is cheating on me, I would have to get help.

Come on as soon as I heard about her, did I go making excuses for him? No! Did I blamed her? No!. Did I stay with him? No! Why? cause I am a mature women, I know better. I'm not an ignorant Chick. And just for the record If I want Victor I can Have him! And I know this for a fucking fact. Come on, If it's true that he never broke up with her and he just lied to me and told me he did. Can't you see he'll do anything to get me to be with him again.

I just remember and found a whole mess of emails that Victor has sent me from before. I knew they might come in handy one day. Now, I would like to post them so she can see them herself but I don't know how to cover my email and his, to protect our privacy. So, I guess that can't happen. Unless some of you readers know how and can show me. So, let me know if you people know how. Well, I don't intend to partake in her ignorant ways, so she won't be getting any replies from me.

Good Luck Bitch. HAHAHAHa Psycho!

9/29/05 - Thursday 2:31Pm Pm

Well, Once again an email from Psycho but this time from Victor's Email account. She put it as if it was him writing to me.

Crazy Bitch: Listen dont email me and yes that is my wife eni Idont want anything to do with you and between you and i its nothing I dont know where u get that from........bye

Isn't that funny. The shit is, Victor puts a certain thing on his emails so I always know when it's him. So, now I know that she did it herself or had him type it in front of her. So, fucking pathetic. It's like going back to Jr. High School. I would say High school but even girls in High school are smarter then that shit. Well, this was the Email I sent back to her, on his email:

First of all I know this is not Victor cause victor knows I'm not on his ass and for him to send me an email like this he would have to be coming out his face. Cause trust me the nigga knows I am not after him its the other way around.

And second, Victor wouldn't tell me there's nothing between him and I. Why would he have to say that when I know there hasn't been anything between him and I, and the reason for that is cause I don't want anything with him.

Plus, sweetie victor puts something on his emails All the time to let me know it's him. That's how I know this is not from him, himself. It must have been that you forced him to let you send me an email through his email account. Which may I add is pretty pathetic....Just leave me along little girl.

P.S. Victor if you even get a chance to read this I'm really sorry for the shit you have to go through.

The thing is now I regret sending that email cause maybe that was his way of just telling me, leave it alone cause she's crazy. HAHA. I was just pissed that she was still using his email to contact me. She knows I'm not going to except her emails so I guess she felt she had to use his. Well, next time I get an email it's probably not going to have the thing he always puts on it but I'll except it as it does. I'll leave like that so she can feel better. See how nice I am. I feel so bad for him you don't even know. I should have played it off the first time. I should have not shouted him out.

I'm Really Sorry Sweetie.

Till Next Time

9/29/05 - Thursday 7:57Pm Pm

Later On:

Well, you know what happened earlier today with her trying to act like she was Victor and tell me to stop emailing which was funny. Like I said, I knew it wasn't him. I had called him right after the last email she sent me. I call, he picked up said hi, I said hi. We started talking, I explained to him every fucking little thing.

Our Conversation:

Vic:Eni I would never talk to you like that, You should know I would never curse at you, You know that's not me.

Me: I knew that already. One way I know is cause you always put that certain thing on your emails.

Vic: So, how's the family? How's Mami, (V), Your sister & her man? How are your little cousins?.

Me: Their good. I answered every one of his questions Gave him details about what's been going on.

Vic: How's your niece?

Me: She's good, we just had a party for her this weekend.

Vic: Get out. She must be big now. I know she was right there with my niece, just a few months younger I remember.

Vic: How are you doing Eni?

Me: I'm doing good.

Well, it's a lot of shit we were talking about I can't go back and forth there's to much to type. But yea he asked me how I was doing. Made it clear to me he would never disrespect me in any way so I should know that's not him. He said he hasn't check his email in a while. I told him not to worry that I think someone else was. I started laughing, so did he. He was like "for real, I'm like yea". I get crazy emails from you. We just started laughing.

Well this is my thing. This girl just fucked up, cause she just got me to feel the same way I felt with him when I was with him. There was always a certain feeling that I felt around him, and hearing him again brought that back to me. There's something between him and I that can't never be taken away. What that is I don't know. Don't get it twisted, I have no intentions of ever trying to get together with him again. I still don't have that trust, and I don't think I will ever get it back. Even when I was on the phone with him, that crazy chick tried to email me as him and it was funny cause I emailed her back, while talking to him, letting her know I was on the phone with him. So, when she got it she called him immediately.

So, he put me on hold. When he came back I knew it was her, come on I just told her I was on the phone with him, what do you think she's going to do. Well, when he came back I asked him who was it. He said, nobody. But I can tell in his voice it was her. So, I asked him please be honest with me sweetie. He stood quiet for a second and then said "No, it was nobody, this phone keeps fucking up on me" "What were we talking about Eni". So, I just let it go.

Now, you see why I can't ever trust him. He doesn't want to fuck up anything with me that he would lie if he has to. Mind you, we are not even together. So, if we were, he'll do anything not to fuck up or have me not ever speak to him again. Anyway, I had a beautiful talk with him. And yes I might forgive him. Maybe we can just be friends. He always told me I can't hate him forever. And he's right, I can't. I am afraid of being his friend. I think everyone knows probably why. I don't even need to say. Do I think he's with her? No, not at all. I'm probably saying that now, and tomorrow I'll be like, "He isn't slick".

So just for the record, No, I don't want him back. No, I won't ever go back with him. Do I want his friendship at least? Maybe I do. I don't know. I'm confused. In a way I know staying away will keep me safe. Then again being friends, at least a phone call every now and then won't hurt. But going to see him or going to the movies, out to dinner etc..I don't think that kind of friendship can happen. Not for me. I know he would want that, but not me.

Well, anyway back to that nut case. So here are the emails she wrote and what I wrote back.

Her Second email of the day: Right after she found out I was on the phone with him:

IF you so called know his number what is it cause as far as i am concern u dont give it to me if you know if new number to see if you are really talking to him...

My Response:

Listen i would have been nice to you before if you would have came correct to me....but since u never have, I have no respect for you...All i can say is that I was on the phone with him just now and you called on the other line...When he came back to me i asked him if it was you he said he doesn't talk to you anymore...but i knew by the sound of his voice it must have been you.....I can tell you he told me that he never sent me any of those emails telling me to shut the fuck up...and he said he would never dare talk to me like that and that I should know that...And he's right I knew better then to think he would ever speak to me like that.....I had a beautiful talk with him...I care about him but not in the way that you think....I have no feelings for him, and i just told him that he knows i can never forgive him for that.....I even read him my response to you back and he started laughing, when I read to him "I'm not on his ass" He said thats so like me to let people know straight up I'm not on his ass..And we both just started laughing.....I'm really sorry that I'm not going to proof to you anything anymore...I think I have and all you have done is attack me back......So sorry sweetie your not getting it from me...infact I just called him and it went to voice mail, I don't know if your on the phone with him or he turned it off...All I know is that he was there with his boy and he was about to go take a shower...thats all i'm going to say.......That's why the always say never bite the hand that can feed you....And I still gave you something to drink if you read correctly....

Her reply back:

anyways eni u dont have his number because thats my only way of you or i really knowing if you are talking tto him which you are really not i know that he is lying to yu. i just wanted to verify you have the right number guess not

My Response:

Sweetie Your not going to playing psychology on me it isn't going to work...Like I said I bet you wish you was a little nicer now...Sweetie believe what ever makes you sleep better at night...

I just know your crazy and I should have know all along..He wants me to not feed into your shit, and I won't, sorry...Takecare Loca, hope you sleep well.

By the way Thank You for making him & I get a little closer now. I might just forgive him now that I know your the crazy one and that he did leave you a long time ago. But don't worry I won't get with him, that I won't do. Forgiving him is enough. And he always wanted that and he has you to thank now. Let's put it this way you basically got us back together but only as friends. Which he loves cause I didn't even want him as a friend anymore. BUT NOW I DO. haha.

Your probably regretting starting the whole shit now, right bitch.

Another email from her:

well i do not go disrespecting talking to other people's man...but i know you are the one making false statements becasue if you ddid speak to him you would know that he is in our house right now not with his boy and doing things

My Response:

I said his boy was there I didn't say I knew where he was at. I didn't ask him where exactly was he....Let me find out he was up stairs and you was down stairs....Oh no, wait he said he hasn't seen you in the longest, Your know what I'm feeding into you and I shouldn't..Let me go I have better things to do...And sweetie Victor already warned me about you....And not to listen to you...I'm actually happy today and I want to stay that way.....Sorry sweetie, you can't run game on me...I'm not responding anymore to your shit so...Bye

And give my Baby back his Email account, Psycho.

It's funny how she said that I'm disrespectful, for talking to someone else's man. I'm thinking, bitch I have not spoken to that man wanting to, only when I had to cause he wanted me to call him. But now she wants to talk about respect. Now she wants me to give her respect. I gave her respect before, she didn't give it back. So now deal with it.

I know I had to stoop to her level in order for her to hear me out. Fucking pathetic, that you can't talk to the girl like an adult. I had to act childish for her to respond. Let me go. Till Next Time

I just finished talking to my girls and they think it's best that I don't even keep him as a friend. They say that some times because of old feelings I might end up catching feelings again and want to spend one day with him then more and I'll be right where I said I will never go again. And it makes sense. I don't think that's the best thing for me. I do want to ask him a question. Well, more like 2, then after that I'm good.

Look at that I didn't even have to wait till tomorrow to say that, he is Slick. Yea, my Victor is still a Playa. Like people say:

Don't hate the playa, Hate the Game.

9/29/05 - Friday 2:46Pm

It's really starting to get fucking cold now. I woke up late today. I figured its Friday I can sleep at least 20, more minutes. I ended up waking up 45, minutes later. I got an important phone call today and they left me a message and do you believe I fucking deleted the damn thing, by accident. I was so fucking pissed. I know you're wondering if I got another email from that nut case. Yes, I did. It was just her saying to go and call his cell phone. Now, didn't she not think I had it. What makes her think I do now. I emailed her back and told her that she seriously needs help, and that I think she should go check that out. I wasn't trying to be funny either. I'm serious. I also told her that I have another email of his and the one she's emailing me from now I already deleted and to stop emailing me.

Oh yea, when I was talking to my girl yesterday, she told me that they also took her Palm Pilot the day of the robbery. That sucks.

Oh yea, I have decided, well more thinking about going into another dance group. Which they also do shows for Hot.97, La Mega, DR & PR Festivals and Parades, Colombian Festivals and a whole mess of other shows. My thing with my group is that I'm tried of making up the routines. I just want to come in get taught and keep it moving. When your the one to choreograph you have people giving ideas like, Let's do: Pon De Replay, Don't cha etc. And you also like the songs but you have to sit there and do it and break your head when all they have to do is learn it and have fun. Yes, I do have fun. I love performing love to have people watch me. But before the fun, its a fucking headache. So, I don't think I can do that anymore. The girls tell me: Well, OK will choreograph then. But I can't sit there and not say anything. We tried that once they got like 2 steps and I had to jump in. Don't get me wrong I could just do what they put together but I like to look good on stage. I like people shouting, cause that lets me know everyone is feeling it. I like leaving the stage knowing that everyone even female haters have to eat their words and be like "Them Bitches did their shit". So, yea I think I might just do that. Plus with work and school I won't have time to Cheorgraph. Well, let's see if next year I'll be in another group performing for those of you that go to Festivals and Parades. Till Next Time.

10/02/05 - Sunday 4:38Pm

What's up? Everyone what's to know if Psycho Emailed me again. Yes, she did, today. All she wrote was: "Go ahead Call Him Again". I couldn't help it I had to reply.

Well, I just want to say thanks to everyone that reads my page that send me email's asking about what really went down with the whole thing. I'm always glad to reply back. And those of you who are new to the page & wondering who is this Victor guy and what does he have that drives girls to become Psycho's. Well, I already answer your email's on that but for those of you who don't email me but wonder the same thing, let me just say he is a charmer. Victor is a sweet heart well, at least with me he was. Now, I don't think he has anything to cause someone to become Psycho. Don't get me wrong he did have my heart and I adored him. Now, to get a girl to act psycho, that I don't know. Cause I myself adored him and didn't lose my Integrity, Morality over it. On the other hand, that girl's case I don't think he is the cause, I just think the girl herself is a nut case, A.K.A. Psychopath. So Thanks for the email people. I do enjoy everyone's curiosity.

Well, everyone has also asked what ever happened with my tan. Since I was bitching before I got to Cancun that I was probably going to come back with an ugly tan. Well, The tan was a beautiful tropical tan. I loved it. It went well with my hair color, eye color etc. As for now, I have little white spots here and there. Which I'm dying to get rid of. So, yea the tan was very pretty not ugly like I thought. I still have my tan lines, and it's been over a month that I have been back.

Oh yea, about my Nieces party. Her eye's were so gloomy that day. We had two cakes for her. That girl gets what she wants. She has that strong character which I love, which she gets that from her Titi, let me just say. I just hope she stays strong.

Yesterday my brother calls me and asks me what am I doing, I tell him nothing. So he comes and tells me "Me and my girl are a block away can we come over". I'm like yea, I just have to get dressed. So, yea they were here. We were talking about when we were like 12/13, and how this Dominican friend of ours became gay when he turned 20yrs old. Then we started talking about gay's and if your born with it or learn it. I think their born with it. Me and my brothers girl agree that girls now in days think it's cool to be BI. Which is true. Some girls probably hate kissing other girls but will do it cause guys want to see it. But I had fun with them here yesterday. They had me rolling. She's a sweet heart and very funny too.

That's all I guess, I heard from Angel yesterday. I might call him today. Till Next Time

10/05/05 - Wednesday 12:01Am

Well, My sister was here yesterday. The drama is over with that chick, well I hope it is. Did I mention is hard for me to go on dates because of my Invisaligns. I have 2, weeks before I find out what happened with that Exam. I have to return my Accounting for Dummies book. I'll take it out again another time. Did I mention I finished the Bad Girlz book, and that I started a new one? The Bad Girlz book was ok. As you can see it took me 2, months to finish it. I didn't pick it up much. As for the G-Spot which I'm reading now, is much more interesting. That one I have been picking up, before I go to bed. Interesting book.

My Best Friend called me today letting me know she's coming over tomorrow. I have 8, bills that are ready to be mailed. I also noticed that since those were late the new ones are coming now within the next week. Doesn't that suck ass? That's why I like to pay everything the same day I receive it in the mail. I don't know how my sister receives her mail and leaves it there for a few days. I like knowing everything is paid for and that I have the next 2/3, weeks with no bill paying. Trust me it's less stressing that way. The only thing up to date is the rent cause that's something that I don't play with. Till Next.

10/05/05 - Wednesday 10:14Pm

I am so fucking happy today. I passed the two fucking test's. I wasn't going to try and find out today, but I was like, fuck it. At least I can move on to the next chapter in my life. HAHAHA. Wow! Its about time.

I put on my new braces today. I'm in fucking pain. I had to eat my dinner at 12, noon today. As soon as I was done I went to put the new ones on, and it took me for ever. I haven't eaten since then. I can only drink now. I don't know if I'm eating tomorrow. We are having a good dinner tomorrow so I'm tempted to try and take them off and go through the pain. Well, will see. I say that now cause I'm just freaking hungry but tomorrow when I feel the pain I probably not going to want to do it.

Well, Congratulations to me. I'm happy.

10/10/05 - Monday 12:01Am

What's up? I been Chilling. My Best friend was telling me that her uncle came out of jail and didn't get deported to Dominican Republic. I also found out that my best friends cousin (M) is letting him move in with her cause she's scared to live alone. Turns out that she has an order protection against the baby's father. We don't know the details yet. I was also telling her how scary that must be for her. To even think that the person that is suppose to love you and never hurt you, is the one you fear the most.

Then we were just thanking god that none of us have gone threw that. Then the bitch tell's me: And you have to be careful cause you're the one that always gets the obsessive one's.

Now, how do you not pick those. I think I pick pretty good men. One's that never disrespects me and put's their hands on me. Ones that try not to control me, cheat, betray me. Which are the main things I ask for. I think I have done a good job. Yes, when I break up with them they regret it and want to come back, but I don't think that's obsessiveness, I just think that they realized what they want now. Some times it takes for someone to leave you, for you to realize, that person is the one that makes you happy.

My brother came over today. My sister is coming over tomorrow. Hardly anyone works tomorrow. Angel called me today, he asked me if that girl has been bothering me. I told him, no, and that we dropped that shit. There's no other way I can tell the girl that I don't want her man. I was honest with her and hopefully she got the point. Which is good enough for me. I asked him, how he was doing and if he was happy. He said yea, but he doesn't sound as happy as before. I'm probably going to have to buy clothes in a few weeks.

Yesterday my Neighbor comes into my house and all you hear is

"Oh my goodness you have a beautiful apartment" Wow, how nice, Have you seen the shit I live in.

It made me realize how good I have it. And to think I bitch every now and then about stupid shit. I know I have a pretty apartment, I love the layout of it. It's that sometimes you get use to it and you don't see it like you first saw it when you first designed it. When she saw the second room she was like "My daughter would even be happy with this little room here". I think her daughter is 22yr old. Her daughter seems nice.

Oh yea, we are not going away for Thanksgiving. We are staying in NYC. Where it's going to be that I don't know yet. Till Next Time.

10/13/05 - Thursday 2:48 Pm

What's up? Do you believe I got my test scores and I did way better then I thought I had. I was so happy when I got it. When I told my sister, she comes out and says

Sis: Damn bitch that's a good score, You fucking lucky Bitch.

Eni: Don't get it twisted that is not luck, that's hard work.

Sis: No, you fucking right. You worked for that shit.

Well, I'm so happy. When I saw my score I was jumping up & down.

Well, I have to get back to the lingo of, Working Out. I have been slacking.

Now, about my sister's issues. Well, my sister has not had sex for the last 3, weekends. Now, she has a man that she only sees on weekends. His excuse has been, that he is tired. Not a good enough excuse but it could be taken to consideration. So, yesterday we all were in my house talking about my sisters problem. Then we started thinking, let's say he is tired. But then again, no sex for three weekends, come on, that's crazy. Then we came up with he is a little on the big side maybe he does get more exhausted. Then we thought no, that is not a good enough excuse cause a lot of chubby men out there have no problem. So, we couldn't come up with anything. Then we remembered that he just got a new job schedule and that maybe that can be it. Since he does work from early morning to 8 PM, it could be he is crazy tired and just uses the weekend to catch up on his sleep. So, we just left it as in, that could be it. She did mention to him that she noticed that his affection has change and that she's not liking it cause she feel's that she goes there to watch him sleep. And if it's going to be like that, then she rather go hand with her girls instead. My sister say's she knows for a fact that it's not her. Well, I know that when you have a man that you can only see on weekends, you do get excited knowing you going to see him and yes have sex. So, it's understandable to complain when your expecting something and getting nothing. And she even say's it has nothing to do with sex, if he at least paid more attention to her period instead of sleeping, she wouldn't complain.

Well, we left it like that. Which I still see no excuse to leave a girl with no sex for 3, weeks. I just don't get it.

Now women on the other hand, yes, sometimes they can go without sex for a while, but it's understandable. Which I hate when guys say that girls could go without cause they don't like sex as much as men do. Which is such fucking Bullshit. We just don't get turned on as easily as men do. Men look at a paper with naked women and their dicks could get hard. Women don't get turned on like that. We need to be touched, sucked, licked, fingered etc..Another thing, Guys think that it's normal for a women to get dry when she's been having sex for about 20/30 minutes. Well, sorry to Burst Your Bubble but that just mean's you no longer have her excited, basically you just bored her. So, those of you that think that is normal, the next time that shit happens you better get your Suck, Lick, & Finger on or just change the position cause she's just not feeling it anymore. To bad only a few men could keep a women wet for a long period of time. Damn, then that means that the majority of men really suck. That sucks. And one more thing, PLEASE----->>

Do Not, I Repeat, Do Not, Take Your Fingers, Wet It With Saliva And Put It On The Tip Of Your Dick and Expect For That To Solve The Problem, Cause It Doesn't Work.

Till Next Time

10/17/05 - Monday 11:59 Pm

Well, my sister wanted to leave Albert cause of the whole no attention thingy. Now, for the record it has nothing to do with the no sex thing. It's more then that. I don't know if she actually went through with it. I did tell her she should think about it first. It's not like he is cheating or even trying to cheat. If that was the case of course there's nothing thing to think about it has to be over. But it's not.

On Saturday night at 3, Am I get a call from a blocked number. First I thought it was my alarm, then I realized that it was someone calling. I picked up said hello like 3 times and they stood quiet. I try to listen for the background but it was very quiet where ever that person was at. I hate the quiet call's. Come on, just say something. In fact I hate all those calls. I mean if you call me it's for a reason. I mean I'm not going to kill you. If I don't want to talk to you, I will tell you please don't call me anymore. If it was that the person wanted or needed to talk, well if I feel the need to have to talk to you I will, if I don't I would just say "Listen it's 3, Am and I'm really tired, can we do this at a decent time. That's all. I just don't like the harassing phone call's. And not unless I know who it is I will have to call it Harassing. Now, if it's an Ex, then I might not call it a harassing call. Well, depends on who it is to be honest. But the majority I wouldn't call it harassing. I mean, just say Hi. It's all Good.

I'll Write More Later

Later On- 10:48 PM

Well, turns out my sister took my advice yesterday and didn't break up with Albert. This chick was going there in such rage it wasn't even funny. I mean there's worst things he could be doing you know...He is, just working hard. You can't punish a man for just wanting extra money. She told me that when she got there he looked tired. I told her that this time around, she saw it cause she wasn't thinking about herself, she actually was paying attention to his situation. Last night after the talk, she realized that she probably did over reacted. So, I guess the talk we had last night on the sofa made her think twice. As for the affection, I think he's going to probably try hardier this time around. She's just going to take it easy and not stress the stupid little things.

I don't want to make another appointment with my Perverted Dentist. I like my new dentist so much that it makes me realize more, how uncomfortable that other one makes me feel. I can't even imagine going there again and having him, check me out, want to kiss me in the lips, tell me if I ever need anything to call him. I just don't like it at all, I didn't like then and I really don't like it now. It's funny how comfortable I felt with him at first. I really did. I'm not going to him anytime soon.

I do have to make an appointment for another Physical. I been so lazy to do so. I have to get that out the way.

Well, (V) and my sister came today. I told them about this guy that I don't mind talking to, but there was one problem. They told me to remember guys are not perfect and that I can't have everything. That I know. Also (V) had the same problem with Eric. She said Eric gave her a valentine gift and did the same thing "Hart." She said she thought the same thing as I did but it turned out to be total opposite. So, who knows, I still have to feel him out. Till Next Time

10/18/05 - Tuesday 2:41 Pm

Well, I was a little disappointed. I just found out something and yes it has to do with Victor. Well, you know what it's not a bad thing now that I think about it, well it's probably for a good reason. In fact it's a good thing. Oh OK, I get it now. Yea it's a good thing. OK, I'm good.

I didn't know there were Spanish Restaurants downtown in this certain area. I have never seen one around there but a friend of mine just gave me a few new places to check out for lunch. Which is funny cause I was telling him how I can't eat lunch now that I have my braces cause it's a big hassle. On Fridays, I could probably check them out. I'll write more later.

10/21/05 - Friday 11:47 Pm

Wednesday- 10/19/05

Well, I have a lot of shit to do tomorrow. One of them is to pick up my new set of braces. Oh yea, yesterday we were looking at old class pictures. Now, at that age you usually don't feel like one of the prettiest girls in class. That's one of the hard stages in life, I think. Now, as I was looking at them I noticed that I was always one of the prettiest girls in class. I couldn't believe it. It's funny, I was just telling these people I wish I would have felt like one of the prettiest ones. That sucks. I just kept looking at them and saying, oh my goodness, I'm adorable. Everyone was just laughing at me.

I'm wearing these certain boots tomorrow, I really hope I don't bust my ass. I'm taking my sneakers in a bag just in case.

Thursday- 10/20/05

Do you believe that the boots I wore yesterday hurt the back of my foot like crazy. And to think those boots cost $200. Mind you I bought then in black & brown. Now I have $400 worth of boots that I might be afraid to wear. The last time I wore them I don't remember getting a fucking bubble in the back of my ankle. And girl's know how much that shit could hurt. Wow I need to get that fixed cause I did not spend $400 on some fucking boots that are going to give me a bubble and that I might not wear. No fucking way. That shit sucks

Yesterday I noticed my new counselor was flirting with me. He is kind of cute. I was telling my sister about him. As soon as I told her he is kind of cute, she even said it herself, "He probably thinks he is cute and flirts with ever girl in the school." I do agree. Oh yea, he starts smiling and tells me "Don't be nervous". So, I looked at him and told him, I'm not nervous. Then he tells me "oh you look nervous." Funny thing was I wasn't and don't think I looked it. So that must be one of his flirting lines. Guys are funny. I would have like to stay with my old counselor. But what can I say.

Well, yesterday I got another call with blocked number. Once again I say hello and they stay quiet. I hate that shit. We went to the movies yesterday. Me,(S), (MZ), (M), (I) saw FlightPlan & In Her Shoes. They were pretty good. After that instead of heading home we all went to a diner to eat at 12, Am. We all knew we were going to be exhausted in the morning but we were fucking starving. Yesterday I went to another job interview. They tested me, and as soon as I got the first thing wrong I was completely discourage from there on. I passed the written test. And they said they'll give me a call within the next 3 weeks. What ever that means. That really sucked.

Got my new braces for the next couple of Months. I guess that's it..

Friday- 10/21/05

Well, got called again from a blocked number. I can't stand it anymore. Really who ever it is really needs to get a life or go Masturbate the frustration out, please. It's sad. I mean it's like they call just to hear my pretty little voice. Get over your self my goodness.

10/21/05 - Saturday 7:18 Pm

Well, had to wake up early today, Joel called me and let me know he got my fax. I ended up staying up a little. I wanted to go back to sleep around 10:00 Am but my cousin (M) called me telling me he was on his way. So I just took my blanket and comforter put it over me turned on my TV and try to stay up.

It was fucking cold last night. I'm still cold right now. I need to stop wearing these little night gown dresses to sleep. I never wear pants. This is the thing in my house I don't like having pants on me. I don't know if I mentioned this before but ever since I was 14, yrs old where ever I was I had to take off my pants, I would stay with my shirt on and shoes. Unless the shirt wasn't long enough. I would go to my aunts house and as soon as I saw her husband wasn't there, I took of my pants. In my friends house same thing. As soon as I get home, I don't play any messages on my answering machine, I just walk straight to my room take off my pants then I can continue on from there.

Well, like I was saying, every winter I'm complaining that I'm cold but then again I don't have nothing covering my legs or chest. So, I'm going to make sure that I get some pants pajama this winter. Mind you I don't even get good heat. I know people with good heat and they still don't walk around the house like that in the winter. I just don't like the feeling of pants. Don't get me wrong I love jeans just not in the house.

Well, my cousin came in the morning, I laid right back on my bed when he got here. He pulled up my computer chair and sat next to my bed. I figure, now that he's here I can knock out and if anything, he can go to the livingroom to watch TV if he doesn't want to stay in my room watching TV.

Oh yea, this boy had me rolling. I'm there trying to knock out and he tells me

"Eni I had the craziest dream. I had a dream that I had pikachu in my hand and that he was hurt, and I was wrapping him up in a towel".

For what was that, I started laughing so loud I couldn't help it. I couldn't go back to sleep after that. That shit was hilarious. I have not laughed like that in eons. It turns out when he was sleeping he had channel 11, on and they were giving Pokemon. Well, self-consciously he was paying attention to it, I guess. It was just funny.

Oh yea, my sister ended up breaking up with Al anyway. I told her that I think she's a little obsessive sometimes. She agrees. Well, I think it was a stupid reason to leave him and so does my best friend but what can we say it's what ever she feels that counts. She ended up chilling with this kid named Rick last night. Now, let me tell you about Rick. He is a little chubby, cute, 23, year old and lives alone. My sister asked him one time what does he want to do, his answer was "Nothing". Then she said asked him, "You have no intentions of going back to school," his answer was "No, I'm a Bum". Now can you please tell me why is it that she still hanged with him last night, cause I sure don't fucking know why.

Well, she tells me "You know that he told me that he was only joking when he answer those questions last time." I told her he probably realized how stupid he sounded and decided to say that he was just joking. Come on, if your joking you don't hang up with the person and not tell them that you was pulling their leg. Oh yea, then she tells me that chilling with him wasn't that bad and that she thought it was going to be worst. I told her to wait that she'll see it soon. She agreed.

I feel very copacetic about everything I have accomplished this year. I just hope I continue to feel this way for years to come. My Sister-In-Laws Baby Shower is soon. We are not going cause it was to short of notice. We were trying to but it got to complicating. So, we decided to just go when the baby is born. Another baby girl, that's crazy. I'm glad that not only are they healthy but so far my girls are going to be gorgeous. I don't know what this one is going to look like but if she looks like the other one then she's going to be a cutie. And I hope that this baby is just as smart as my Chi-Chi is. But as long as the girls are healthy I'm happy.

10/25/05 - Monday 11:20 Pm

Saturday 10/22/05

Well, believe it or not I'm still feeling deter about that interview I had. The day we went to the movies everyone was talking to me and I was pensive the whole time because of the interview. I had to tell myself to let it go, if not I would have not enjoyed my day. The reason I'm mentioning it again is cause I was thinking about it today. My sister is coming tomorrow. I did my nails today. They look so pretty.

I was chilling in my sisters job the other day. Her boss is funny, he always say's he loves her family, and that he knows we love him. HAHAHa. He is really nice. I meet one of her other Coworkers. She said my sister and I don't look alike. My sister is a year younger then me but everyone always says I look younger then her.

Oh yea, there was this lady my sister was dealing with and this other chick was next to her. Now, my sister was talking about this black girls attitude but she was saying it in Spanish. Now, I think that the other chick thought we were talking about her. So the chick that thought was were talking about her comes out talking Spanish like trying to show us she understood us. But she got no reaction from us cause it wasn't about her. I think she realized it wasn't after she saw that we kept talking in Spanish. That lady did look white. She did not look Spanish. She did surprise me but I didn't show it. I keep telling my sister she needs to chill cause she's going to get caught taking about someone in Spanish. I saw this girl with the cutest Cell Phone. I wanted to ask her where did she get it done, but she had put her phone in her bag so I didn't want to bother her. If she would have had it out I would have asked her cause that shit was adorable.

I finished that book G-Spot the other day. It was Good. Way better then Bad Girl, I tell you that much. I just started reading Drama Queen yesterday.

My sister has the balls to ask to borrow a book she has not returned back to me. You know what that mean's. She has no freaking idea where is my book. I told her to look for it cause that's one of my favorite books.

This girl was asking me if we go to Cancun again if I would like to go to the same hotel. Don't get me wrong I had a blast in the hotel we were in, the guys were fun, but I would like to try some other hotel.

Monday 10/24/05, 11:15 Pm

Well, today was the worst. First I leave my house with a Jean Jacket, then have to turn back to get my bubble. Then I realized I left my Cell in the house. I don't know how I forgot that one, but had to get that as well. I go to catch the bus, right when I'm at the door he closes it. Which is understandable cause he couldn't see me coming from his mirror, but he didn't drive away, he opened the door. As soon as he opens it he says, "I'm so sorry". I smiled and said "Its OK." I was coming out the store he couldn't see me. So, I go sit down and all of a sudden he waves at me and smiles, so I wave back and smiled. Then he is trying to tell me something but I can't get what he is saying. So, after a while people in the bus start to notice him flirting and trying to tell me something. So, now I have women on the bus looking back to see who is he taking to. Every time people would look back to see, I would look out the window to play it off. HAHaHAHa. Then he showed me a peace of paper. Basically letting me know to go get it. I had written my number on a peace of paper to give him on my way out but I didn't. The reason for that was, cause I noticed after I already had his number in my hand, he still was flirting through the damn mirrors, and talking to me. So, it hit me, let me not give him mine cause if after going on a date with him I don't like him I won't have to be bothered by him.

My sister tells me to be careful with those cause they rap to girls everyday. I told her, she is not telling me anything I don't already know. I knew a guy that was a bus driver. He made decent money about $30/35 an hour, but his favorite thing was being able to rap to girls whenever he wanted to. I told my sister I know what type of guy I like and want for myself, so I know there's not going to be anything serious with this one. If anything I'll go out on a few dates with him and that's it. No big thing. I'm going to call him on Thursday. Funny thing is if he raps to girls everyday he might not remember me. And I'm not going to remind him, he better remember something.

I saw my counselor today he didn't flirt at all. Hopefully I don't have any problems this year and don't have to deal with him at all.

I saw this girl I use to know from back then. I didn't acknowledge her at all. I looked at her new born and turned my face. I think that's her 3, or 4th, child if I'm correct. Mind you, she's 2, years younger then I am.

Birth Controls don't cost more then $14 a pack people.

I need to stop talking shit before I come out pregnant next year.

I'm so fucking tired, I'm going to bed. Till Next Time

10/29/05 - Saturday 3:30 Pm

Wednesday - 10/26/05

Well, spoke to the bus guy. I'm glad I didn't give my number. They're a few things I didn't like about him when we spoke. One, he is older then what I thought and I don't want that. Second, he mentioned about him following his ex girlfriend one time cause he thought she was cheating. I'm not down with that. I don't want a man following me cause he thinks I'm cheating. If you think your partner is cheating I feel you should of course try and get proof but not cross the line by invading their privacy. When you start doing shit like that, then you can just call yourself a Psycho.

Anyway, and I'm one that's busy a lot, but for someone to follow me, Nah I'm not down with that. I told my Best Friend, she said the same thing, "No, Way." I'm so glad I didn't give my number.

Date Canceled!

I want to get myself a real good Digital Camera.

Thursday - 10/27/05, 11:23 Pm

Well, I have to go get my Physical done tomorrow. I'm going to ask for the Flu shot just incase. I saw the counselor that I could have had before they choose this boy. I'm not sure but I think my counselor knows I am uncomfortable around him. It's not that I don't like him, I just don't like what he did the first time I met him.

Oh yea, I think I got hustle by an old Spanish lady today. She comes up to me and tells me that she thought she had money in her card but she doesn't, and that if I can give her a dollar cause she only had $1 dollar. So, I refilled her metro. Then I'm like you know what that's probably how she gets her metro filled everyday, she pretends she doesn't have anymore money. She did ask me for $1, I just didn't have cash on me. Never again. I felt bad, but I think old lady suckered me. I hope it was that she really needed the damn thing. I'm not posting this until I go get my check up. Till Next Time

Friday - 10/28/05, 5:33 Pm

Well, went to the clinic for nothing cause I couldn't see my Doctor. I did get to take 1 blood test. which is the main one I need before Tuesday. On my way home I saw my sister. I called her cause I was around her way, and I knew she would be on her way to work. So, we talking for like 20 minutes, then bounced. She's sick . Oh yea, I forgot to tell her about the Bus Guy. I'll tell her next time I see her.

I have been so lazy to post entries. I mean sometimes I just write little shits here and there, so it's not worth wasting time posting 6, sentences. So, what I have been doing is writing, then saving it until I have enough information. I got that habit when I was on my month vacation this summer at my brothers house. Now, if I see that I wrote enough for one day then that I post up the same day.

Later On, Friday - 10/28/05, 10:29 Pm

I spoke to Angel, turns out his brother died last Friday. Funny thing is I thought about calling him the other day, I just forgot that night. He's doing better, so he tells me. He was here in NYC. He just got back to Florida yesterday. I'm glad he called me. I have to pick a weekend to go see him up there. I really hope I don't have to take classes on the weekends, that way I'm able to travel if I feel like it. Damn watch me have to take at least one class on the weekend.

Saturday - 10/29/05, 3:15 Pm

My cousin (M) called me today to see when he can be on his way but I was still sleeping. I thought it was like 9, am when he called but it turned out to be 11, am, so I got up. You know which song I love, its "Frankie J's, More Than Words". It's a beautiful song. Another song I'm starting to like, which is funny cause I think he's cute but I'm not a big fan, is Ricky Martin's new song. I forgot the name of it, but it's the new one with Amerie & Fat Joe. It's pretty good.

10/31/05 - Monday 12:10 Am

Happy Halloween.

OK, remember I mention about my bests friends cousin, and how she had to get an order of protection against the baby's father. Well, he used to be a street pharmacist, but then he started using his own shit. He became a Crackhead I guess. So, him and this girl (M) would end up fighting and he would beat her up, I was told. So, that's why she had to get that order. Also heard that her dad the one that didn't get deported to DR, tried to talk to him and basically preach, since he is a former drug user himself, but it didn't work. All he told her dad was that, he was not going to stop and to leave him the fuck alone. So (M)'s dad told him, fine I'll leave you alone but please leave my daughter alone. All this guy said was fine. And that was that.

I just found out a friend of mine, which I care about a lot is on drugs himself. I asked him this Sunday when was the last time he used and he said on Saturday. I couldn't believe it when he said he wasted $150/$200, on it. I couldn't believe he was being honest with me period. I spoke to him over the phone not in person. I wouldn't want to see him in that condition anyway. He's the first drug user I actually know personally or even care about. He is such a good man. When he had a girl he would treat her so good, he never was a cheater nothing. If she wanted something he got it for her. To be honest some people say he went into drugs after his ex wife left him. Sad, . I asked him if his mom knows, he said no. His mom was always was cool with me. She actually always wanted me to be with him. Years ago, she would tell me that she wanted for him to be with a girl "like me". I would laugh. Me and that boy are cool and that's about it. Every time she left to DR, she would tell me that if I wanted to stay at her house I could. The whole family would leave to DR except for this guy cause he had to work. Nice family. I feel bad for him. I hope he gets better.

Ok, my little brother has a girlfriend which I like, a lot. Turns out, this girl came on to him and he gave his number. Now, he says that he will not do anything with her, it's that she was so hot that the word's "No, sorry I have a girlfriend" couldn't come out. Now, today my sister and I heard a message this girl left my brother on his Cell Phone. Now, first let me just say she knows now that he has someone. He told her he was married, just to get her off his back. Now, she leaves him this message:

: Hi, (A) I been trying to call you, you haven't called me back. I really like you and I still want to be with you, even if you are in a relationship. I just feel that you are suppose to be in my life. And I'm not going to let you slip away. So, just to let you know, I'm not going to stop unless you tell me straight out that you want me to stop. If you don't say anything that mean's you know I'm going to be around. I like you to the point that I don't even care if you have someone I still want to be with you. I'll take anything as of right now, just as long as I'm with you. If you don't want anything serious it's all good, I'm ok with it.

Now, my sister and I was calling that bitch a Ho etc. My brother was laughing. I can't stand chick's that like to get with other women's men. I never done it and never will. It's nasty. Those are the chicks women have to wish their men never come around. I told my brother he better not even think about it. All he kept saying was that, he loves his girl and that he wouldn't. Then he starts telling us how all the guys at work keep asking him about that "Hot ass chick" that came on to him.

Oh yea, one of his boy's actually told him not to do it cause his girl is a good girl and that it's not worth losing a good girl over it. Then the chick calls my brother while he is with his boy, and this guy tells my brother to tell her that they'll pass by. My brother asked him why he wanted to pass by her way. He said, he heard so much about how Hot she was that he wanted to see for himself. My brother tells me that they parked across the street from her building and that when she came down his boy saw her, put down his smoke and was like "Oh shit."

Now, he has the balls to tell my brother that he understands if my brother wants to go for it. I'm like damn, I'm here giving him credit for giving good advice but then he goes around and says he understands if he wanted to cheat. Now, in days you can't trust guys. Especially with bitches like that, who go for guys that are taken.

Usually it's the guy trying to cheat but the other girl doesn't know he has someone or Still has someone. "Wink, Wink". Well, I'm going to bed.

Later On: 1:21 Pm

Well, I got my Physical done today. After so many years, I still can't stand a GYN exam. I'm just not comfortable with that shit. If your not my man, I'm just not comfortable with someone in my shit. I answered this questionnaire they had at the clinic. One of the question was about eating habits. I put down that I had poor eating habits. The doctor laughed and said a lot of people feel that way. So, he hooked me up with a Nutritionist. So, I made an appointment to go see one in November. Which is funny cause knowing me I won't follow it. I eat what I like and that's that. I do believe that eating healthier is better. I tell you this much I don't have No Cholesterol, Sugar, or High Blood Pressure problems. Well, my Blood pressure is not bad it's 126, Over 82. And I got checked out this year in January. Now, if some shit comes back different, I will be pissed.

I'm tired. I'm going to lay down for a bit. Till Next Time

11/01/05 - Tuesday 3:36 Pm

I'm freaking tired. How am I suppose to be in good health when I don't even get to eat. It's 3:37 PM right now and I have not eaten anything. I drank a snapple just now. Oh yea, someone told me that my nutritionist might tell me to lay off the Pizza. Now, everyone knows, that's my favorite thing. Oh yea, by the way, you have to try that Steak Pizza from Domino's that shit is off the hook. I love it. I eat like 4, slices, that's how good it is. I have to go eat something.

Do you believe for next Semester I have to go to school from Monday - Friday. That sucks. I don't get to do any homework cause as soon as I get home I have to go to bed. So, they have to be done on weekends. The good thing is I'm off on weekends, so if I do need to go some where I can. Till Next Time

11/01/05 - Sunday 11:01 Pm

Thursday - 11/3/05 11:24 AM

Well, I'm not feeling good today. Today sucked, I hope this feeling goes away. Didn't like the job interview I had today.

I forgot to mention that I finished that book Drama Queen. It was pretty Good. I liked it. I just started reading Hidden Prey now.

There is this song I can't stand it's by The Black Eyed Peas, Its called My Humps. Can't stand that song for shit.

Saturday - 11/5/05 12:24 AM

I just called my best friend cause I needed help with some paper work. So, after we're talking she tells me "You know that lately you been really stressed out". So, in disbelieve of course, I was like, Oh yea, why you say that? And she tells me that lately when I call her the first thing out my mouth is "I have a Big Problem". As soon as she said that I started laughing. Then we kept laughing for almost a good minute. Almost. And it's true, I have been stressed out, I just didn't notice it until she mentioned it.

I was just telling her to, how back in the days I loved it when your mom knew the answer to everything.

Mami, what does 1 + 1=? 2, Baby. Mami what does scowl mean? a facial expression of displeasure, like a frown my love. But now in day's is like, when you ask a question the response is "Baby I have no idea, Aren't you taking that in school" OK Never Mind.

So, basically, it gets to the point that you know more then your Parents.

I even told her today infact, "I loved it when you knew the answer to everything Ma". She just smirked, so I giggled and as I did she just gave me that look like, you think you're funny.

Later On - 11/5/05 12:24 AM

My mom was telling me that she met this guy at her job and this was the first time she's ever seen him. She was telling me that he is really cute and that the other girls at her job say the same thing. They were bothering him telling him that he probably is breaking a lot of hearts. He told them that he is not like that and that he's more of a calm man. Now, I never, ever date anyone my mom thinks is cute or good for me. But as soon as she mentioned this guy I was eager to meet him. I asked my mom to find out more about him and hook it up. But then I hate blind dates, so I said forget it.

So, the thing is my mom had mentioned to him that her daughter (Me) wanted to sell something, and he said that he was interested. So, I told my mom to hook it up and have him come by the house, for her to tell him she's going to be here as well, but for her not to make it. So, when he comes around I can see if I like him and if I do, then I'll flirt my ass off. I also told her if she was present I won't be able to flirt in front of her. I just can't have her see me doing my thing. HAHAHa, No Way. So, yea I have to see this guy. I hope he's cute, well I hope he likes me. I hope he's cute first then he likes me. I don't like it when people like me, and I don't like them, cause then I feel bad.

I am planing on buying my best friend a very expensive gift this Christmas. I'm just hoping that my sister doesn't bitch about it and just likes her own gift. Sometimes she can be a baby, and just swears that I don't care about her enough. She's crazy sometimes. Just yesterday she was bitching cause I told her what me and my best friend were talking about, and yes it had to do with her. But I never talk about her without telling her what I said.

Sunday - 11/6/05 10:38 PM

Well, I called an ex of mine at his mothers house to see how he was doing cause he called me on Thursday. So his mom picked up, I said hi, she mentioned its been a long time she hasn't spoken to me. She's a very nice lady. That's another nice Dominican family I am happy to have met. Well, she starts telling me about this guy, and how he is 32 yrs old now and still hasn't settled down and had a baby etc. Then she tells me how much she wants him to be with a girl like myself etc. So, I mentioned to her how I have told him when is he going to meet the right girl etc. Basically letting her know that I don't have those intentions with him anymore. I think she got the clue. Sorry!

I do care about them

My sister went to Connecticut today. She's coming back on Wednesday. Till Next Time.

11/26/05 - Sunday 12:50 Am

Monday - 11/14/05 3:08 PM

(R) is stressing me out. I can't do this to myself. I need to get away from him. He is suck a sweet heart & loving guy but I can't. And Whoever gets him will be a happy women if he just puts aside his bullshit. I called him yesterday and told him I was not going to put myself through the bullshit he put me through before. His words were "Ok, I understand". I just hanged up before he can say anything else. I also told him he doesn't need to call me at all until he gets my shit and that's going to take a few months. To be honest, I didn't think you could fall for someone again after you have fallen out of love with them. But I was getting weird feelings with him again, which is weird. I heard my self telling someone that had asked me, "If I can get back with him again," that I don't get feelings for my ex's, after I break up with them. Sad thing is, as I'm saying it I'm not even believing the words that are coming out of my mouth. I realized that half of the shit I say, is what I know is right, but it's not what I actually feel.

The right thing for me to do is to stay away from him and I know this. That's how I make myself practice what I preach, I tell people. I hate to be those girls that say "Oh I'm not giving him another chance" but then ends right back with the guy. That has never been me. I can't stand girls like that. So, to help myself stay away from him, I let people know.

I don't like people saying "Oh Eni you said you was never gonna, blah,blah,blah." I like to keep my words. To be honest, it works to tell people what you know is the best thing you should do. Even though at times you suffer a little cause your stopping or holding back your feels just to prove to people you practice what you preach. But it works. And with the Pride that I carry on my shoulders, trust me it works.

It could take me up to 2/3, weeks to get over someone, that I'm just starting to develop feelings for. Well, I think.

So, I have to cut it now before the feelings become harder to get rid of. Like right now, I told this guy yesterday never to call me again and that I wasn't going to go through the bull again, but then again I miss him a little. In a few day's I'll be as good as new. Plus, all I have to do is listen to a lot of music, dance, worry about Thanksgiving plans etc. And it will feel like the feelings never came back. Lucky me.

A friend of mine calls me on Saturday and tells me he just drove by and was on my block and he just wanted to call and say what's up. Now, I didn't go down stairs, I just said hi, and kept talking. After I hanged up I'm thinking, did he expect for me to come down stairs to see him. I'm not good with surprise visits. I can't stand them. The only people that come by my house without letting me know are my brothers. My sister doesn't even do that. I think she has done that 3, times tops. And she always catches me in the shower. So, yea I don't know what he was thinking but I don't like surprise visits and never will. Plus, if you let people catch you by surprise then they think they can do it all the time, and I'm not feeling that. I know it sounds mean but what can I say.

Wednesday - 11/16/05 11:17 PM

I have a fat as headache. I think it's cause I'm hungry, I ate at 12, noon today. I just been drinking water all day. My teeth hurt cause of course I put on my new set of braces today. I get to eat tomorrow after I get back from picking up my results from my Physical.

Oh yea, this guy my sister works with, hooked me up with some Tim's for $50. I was so happy cause I didn't want to pay $86 for them again. Which I would have cause that is like a necessity of mine during the winter. So, yea $50 is good.

I can't stand those Sylvan Learning Commerials. Those shits are so fucking fake that it's annoying.

Thursday - 11/18/05 12:16 AM

Well, got my results. The doctor tells me that in my exam my sugar came out a little high. So, he tells me to prevent any future problems to lose 10-20, lbs. No problem.

Now, according to the Nutritionist she says that my Ideal weight for my height is 114, lbs to 121, Lbs. I'm sorry but I look like a Crack-Head at that weight. That's not even funny. I think between 130 & 145, I look good. Just not over 150-155, lbs, but don't tell me that looking like a crack-head would be the best look or health for me cause I'm not buying it. Everything else was good.

So, starting Saturday I need to eat more Fruits & Vegetables HaHAHA. She say's I lack those things in my diet. Which I agree. And starting Monday I go back to Excising which I been meaning to start but haven't come around to.

Wednesday - 11/23/05 12:31 AM

Well, we are having a get-together but no Turkey. Everyone is surprised. This will be my first Thanksgiving with no Turkey, I have no problem with it. My sister is pissed at me. Well, I think. She tries to play it off but it doesn't work.

Friday - 11/26/05 12:02 AM

Well, Thanksgiving was good. There was an argument, and of course (M) started it. It never fails. Then like an hour later everyone was talking like that never happened. Actually we laughed about it later that night. But it's still (M) fault.

I saw a picture of Rick, that 23, yr old my sister said she was dealing with, and that she also said was gorgeous. I must say he is not gorgeous. In fact I told her he has something that reminds me of my dad. Even my best friend said the same shit. My sister got grossed out and said she doesn't see it.

My Beautiful Niece was born. Can't wait to see her.

Well, I did start eating better but of course I fucked it up yesterday & today. I am going back to my regular routine tomorrow. It feels funny to add fruits to my lunch, especially in the winter. During the summer I do eat a lot of Fruits. I mean before I was told what to eat, for lunch I would eat a slice and a drink or sometimes just a yogurt and a drink. I don't think that's bad. I do understand the lack of fruits & veggies. As for my sugar intake, yes I do have a candy bar here and there during the week.

We were watching Making the band 3. We were talking about the dance routines and how stressful it can get at times especially having someone screaming at you. I can't even imagine how many chicks left practice saying, I can't stand Eni. I did mention to them how I would like to Audition for this other group. Noone said anything. Their more then welcome to come and audition with me when I go. Till Next Time

12/7/05 - Wednesday 12:05 Am

The worst shit happened to me, I installed some shit on my computer and it fucked up my whole shit. Everything in my computer got Erased, I wanted to cry . I'm so fucking pissed. Little by little is that I'm noticing the most important shit I wish I still had. Everything is just crazy. For a minute when my computer didn't want to turn on I wish for a second there, that computers were like humans so I can give it mouth to mouth and revive her. Everything Gone. Every fucking little thing. I'm still trying to get over it but it's hard. Everything is different, everything. Regrets, Regrets, Regrets.

I got over what happened to my computer, well in a sense I did. My best friend is leaving for Christmas and asked me if I would house sit for her, I told her I'll go check her house every now and then, but my sister is going to stay there now. I still have to go and check it out at least twice. My brother is acting really foul lately, I don't know what's wrong with him. I'm talking about my main brother, the one I'm tightest with.

My sister is falling for that little kid I had mentioned on here before. I saw another picture of him, if I didn't know his age I would ask her to find out if he was our long lost brother. Don't get it twisted, he doesn't look shit like my brother cause at least my brother is cute, but this nigga looks like some jacked up shit my father could have made out there with one testicle . It's so sad, that my sister is that fucking stupid. I can't even believe how stupid. My best friend and I was talking about that today, and I told her, as soon as I fuck up my sister is so going to point the finger. I told her to, that I know I am going to fuck up, cause yes sometimes you just want to go with people just to have fun. But I can, cause I usually don't fuck up. So, to me that's like an Elective class, just something extra. I told my best friend I see a lot of cute 24/25, year olds out there, but I won't go with one that looks like a bum, that's one, and just broke up with his baby mama 4, months ago, and check this out "cause he cheated on her and she kicked him out". If I was to get with someone 2/3, years younger then me, it would have to be someone that acts mature, that is cute and didn't get out of a relationship 4, months ago for cheating.

I have to stay quiet cause I know I'm going to date a younger guy one day, I have no shame in saying it. And it's not even the fact that he's young to be honest, cause I remember telling her that he could be a mature 23, yr old. It's his fucking story that is sad. In fact, I was talking to someone 2, years younger then me once, but he was mature and wanted to do something with his life. You know what, I'm wasting my time talking about this bum, I'm done.

So, about my little eating habits. I try to eat fruits but I only been eating one a day. Veggies I try to fit in at least for dinner. I have to see my main Doctor in 2, month's. I have to see the Nutritionist in about 2, weeks.

Oh yea, we are opening Christmas gifts with my best friend on the 17th, cause she's leaving on Dec 21.

Thursday 8, 2005 12:04 Am

Well, My Nieces are coming to live with me for a while. I'm excited about that. I get to have the new baby 24/7. I was worried that since they live so far she wouldn't be as close to me as my Chichi is but I guess she will be now. My cousin (M) is getting me the PSP I wanted for Christmas. So, far I got Pacman 3, Frogger, Socom Bravo, Mr & Ms Smith Movie, Oh yea, and Crash Team racer. Some shit like that. All for my new PSP System. Till Next Time.

1/8/06 - Sunday 2:03am

Thursday 12/15/05 11:48 PM

What's up? My nieces will be here soon. I really don't have much to say, Sad I know. Oh yea, the other day I took my hands out of my pocket to fix my earring outside and it felt like little knifes were stabbing my little ass hands. I couldn't believe how cold it was.

Tuesday 12/20/05 12:21 AM

Well, my nieces are here. My Kiki is so yummy. She's 3, weeks old now. My Chichi is a real smart girl. She's as smart as a 6, yr old. Which is a good thing. Us girls are house sitting for my best friend this weekend. My sister is in trouble, and her little boyfriend said something she didn't like. He went to a girl she works with and said that "My sister is scaring him and that he doesn't know how he let it get this far". I know you're probably wondering what she did and what I'm talking about but I won't say until I know for a fact. I have been so exhausted, Saturday night I only slept 1, hour. Last night I slept about 7, hours but I'm still exhausted. I don't know if it's because of my 1, hour of sleep from Friday night to Sunday morning or cause I have been taking Qyquil all day today. And usually, nyuil never gets me drousy so I'm assuming is the lack of sleep. My brother is coming this weekend, so I'm happy about that.

Thursday 12/29/05 1:02 AM

Well, Christmas was good. Got basically everything I wanted.

Sunday 1/8/06 1:33 AM

Well, classes started. No cute guys in any of my classes. Oh I think one in my math class. Big Deal. Yesterday I stopped and got myself a cute Cell Phone Case after school. While I was in the train this girl comes in and she's listening to music. Now all of a sudden she starts rapping some song she is listening to and dancing. Now to me that looks ugly, especially on a very pretty girl. So, this guy keeps looking at her and looking at me and laughing. So I figure he thought the same shit, Bitch is stupid. Well, she sits next to me and we started talking. Turns out she's taking Japanese in school, and she's going to japan in 3, months for school. So she says. Well, you can tell I'm bored cause I'm talking about some girl in the train.

Oh yea, how can I forget, my best friend got Engaged a week ago. My sister is chilling. She left the 23, yr old. Turns out he said a few things that she didn't like when she thought she was pregnant. Yes, I said it, Pregnant. Thank goodness she isn't. Well, she's done with him. She's back with Jesus.

My nieces are still staying with me. Chichi drives me crazy sometimes but it's all good. The little one is yummy. She's 1, month now. I'm dying my hair tomorrow. Do you believe I forgot to write my math homework, yes I know, sad. I already started with my shit. I did some of my work but for some reason I think there was more to it. Well, on Tuesday I'll find out through one of the girls in my class.

There is nothing new going on. Sad but true. I got my PSP. I think I mentioned that shit already. I'm going to get another monitor for my computer at the end of this month. Well, let me go. Sorry there isn't anything interesting to write about. I think it's been a month since I last wrote. Damn, I need new interesting shit to happen.

2/2/06 - Thursday 11:33 PM

Friday, 1/20/06, 2:59 PM

Well, us girls went to the movies last week. We saw, King Kong and Fun with Dick & Jane. King Kong was alright, dragged a little, the action was good. My favorite part of Dick & Jane, was when they went to rob the fat mans apartment. That shit was funny to me. Another part was when all the Mexicans got into that small as car.

My nieces are leaving in 2, weeks. I'm going to miss all of them.

I got my 19, inch ultrasharp LCD Monitor yesterday. It's cute, but it's huge. I can not buying anything else for the next couple of months, I'm serious.

Today I got 2, hours of sleep went to do a favor for mami, then came back home around 9:30 AM, Knocked out again and woke up at 12:30 PM.

(R) and I are not talking right now. I cut it off this Monday. The day I went to the movies I didn't tell him with who I was with on purpose, just so he can see how it feels not to know where I'm at and with who. After I told him I was at the movies, I told him I had to go. As soon as I said that he asked me with who I was with, I didn't answer and just said "Listen I have to hang up". That fucked with him. So, I ignored all of his other calls. When I finally picked up, I told him I was still at the movie theaters and that I wasn't leaving yet. First thing out his mouth was be home by 12:00 AM, mind you with an attitude. I started laughing. No one ever tells me when to go home. This man was bothered and jealous. So, I ended up telling him I was with the girls, and that if he liked how it felt not to know where I was at and with who. Of course he said he didn't like it. Then he apologized for saying, "Be home at 12". Sad that I had to play a game with him so he can see how it feels. He has done that to me before, I don't like it.

Well, the reason I cut it off was cause he tired to pull the same shit off the next day. The thing with him is that he's been single for so long that he forgets, that now that he has someone that person wants to know where he's at. And it's not all the time that I ask. He's used to coming and going with no explanation, and that's his biggest problem. He did call me after he got home, but if I go out my way to let him know where I'm at before I go, he can do the same. If not then don't expect me to do it for you. Well, I cut it off that day and told him that I wasn't going to be with someone that doesn't even try. Don't get me wrong I do understand him, and I know he is not doing anything wrong when he is out, but you have to try and please your girl, even if it's with some little shit like that.

Friday, 1/20/06, 2:59 PM

My doctor's appointment is next month and I still haven't tried to drop those 20, lbs I was suppose to. I'm so irresponsible. My nieces left yesterday, I miss my Chichi. Before I leave the house she would always come to the door and say "Titi I'm really going to miss you, Don't go, Be careful, drive safely" Then I'll tell her "Mama I don't have a car, and she would giggle and say" "Oh, be careful in the train, I'm really going to miss you".

I think their coming back in 2, weeks. Who knows.

Thursday, 2/2/06, 11:33 PM

What's up? Well, they are not coming any time soon. I thought they were coming back in 2, weeks but guess not.

Well, I am dating a 22, year old. HAHAHAHA Yea, whatever. I told my sister today, you can imagine what she said. Well, this is how it went

Sis : Let me guess he's different.

Eni :You damn right he is. He's Mature, Cute, Single, Didn't just get out of a relationship 4, month's ago, and doesn't have kids.

Sis :Don't get attached; Be careful. You saw how I started liking Rick.

Eni : Oh trust me it's not going anywhere. In fact no one is meeting him anyway's.

Well, in between all that there was a lot of laughing involved. Yes, especially in my part. But I always said that I knew I was going to kick it with someone younger anyway. Today he tell's me, "Stop hassling your sister about being with a younger guy". I told him they were done.

Actually he's from my school. We had an Exam today. He decides to sit right next to me which he never does. He was done way before me. When I went outside, I'm like damn your good. Then he points at like 4/5 people that finished before him. I didn't even noticed Christina leaving or the other 4, people. I know for a fact that I got 1, wrong. Which I was upset cause I wanted to get everything correct. Well, who gives a fuck. I'm hoping that next semester I don't have a class with him, to be honest.

Everyone called me today, even Douglas. He said the sweetest things.

Well, yea I'm dating a 22, year old now. I'll let you know what happens with that shit.

(R) is still my baby; Always will be. I'm still going to be dealing with him. I just have him thinking that I just want to be his friend right now. I can never drop him like that, he's the same with me. Till Next Time.

2/8/06 - Thursday 12:19 AM

Well, My sister is dating this guy that owns a record label. So he says. I told her to make sure he's legit, and if he is to enjoy it. Today on my way to school, I'm waiting for the light to change but the traffic got jammed right in front of me and this guy starts smiling at me so I smiled back. Then his car moves like 2, feet away, so I'm just looking at the light and I notice him waving at me to come over to the car. I just smiled again and said "No it's ok" and looked away. So, I walk one block then there's a truck with 2, guys in it, and they start waving, so I just smiled and looked away. The next block I stop at a red light and another car with 2, guys stops right in front of me waiting to turn, this time I decide not to smile. So, I'm there thinking, "Oh man can you please go", cause this guy is staring right at me. So, I look at him and something got in the way of our view, all of a sudden he moves his head a little to the right just to catch my face again. For what was that, I cracked up, then, he started cracking up. It was funny as heck.

Yesterday, I didn't want to go to class, so I decided not to go. Turns out my professor calls me and tell's me that the class was canceled. I was so happy, cause now I get to use my day off another day. Then today, I go to class and took an exam and was out in like 40, minutes. I could have been out earlier but I was chilling a little to see if Peter got there but he didn't. He usually gets to class way late, so he probably got there after I left. I was not waiting for more then 15, minutes. I'll see him on Thursday, no big deal.

There's not a lot going on. I been able to write a little more this week because I don't have a lot of homework. I'm suppose to be studying for an exam on Friday but I'm going to start tomorrow. Oh yea, there is this guy that I am starting to like in 2, of my classes. Now, your probably thinking "Isn't Peter in your class?" Well, he is but only in 3 of my classes and the other guy is in the other 2, classes I have. They don't even know each other. Now, even if I wanted to date the other guy I can't.

Why?

Well, I have like a good 6, people that get class with me & Peter but then again 3, of those same people get the other 2, classes with me and the other guy. Now, my sister asks me if I didn't have that problem would I have attempted to do it. I would have really wanted to but imagine leaving the building and having 2, guys waiting for you at the same time. I'm not trying to get my ass in any trouble, so I probably would have not done it.

And just for the record, don't get it twisted, but a person is not a playa if they are not in a relationship with any one of the two.

It's just called dating or having fun. Just in case you try to come out your face and think "Oh she's no good cause she's wants to date more then one person". Don't think so. I have always tried not to mention certain things "Too Personal" on my page, so I won't get judged the wrong way, but I'm being judged regardless. So, I decided since last year to give more details on stuff that go on in my life. Fuck it people enjoy it more.

Anyway, like I was saying, this dude knows there's nothing serious, and I told him, if he decides to date anyone, especially in the school to let me know. What he doesn't know is that as soon as he tells me he's dating someone in the school, I'm cutting him off right there and then. The reason I didn't tell him I would cut him off is cause, once I tell him he would never tell me, if he doesn't want to cut me off. So, I made it seem that it was all good.

Well, let me go. I'm tired.

2/10/06 - Friday 1:21 AM

Well, there's a few things about Peter I don't like. It has nothing to do with him physically, just how he say's certain things..It could be cause he's a 22, year old. HHAHAAHA. I really don't like how he kisses but hopefully I can change that. Today I tell him that he doesn't have to drive me to the train station cause I know he just wants to go straight to the highway. He never brings his car to school cause it get's crowed. He was able to get a parking right in front, so he lucked out today. Well, anyway, I tell him, "No it's ok I'll walk". So, he kept on saying "Get in the car", I'm like no it's ok. So, he kept on, and I noticed he was getting tight, so I did. I didn't put on my seatbelt cause I figure I'm getting off in like 6, blocks. So, he tells me to put it on, I told him it was only a few blocks. Then he tell's me if I really thought that he was not going to take me all the way home. I just looked at him and he kissed me. Then he asks me how I felt about what happened last time we were together. I said fine, and asked him the same. His answer was "Real good". So I was glad.

Then we just started talking about the first time we spoke in class and how he said that he wasn't sure if I was cool and when he asked me one question I spoke to him like I knew him for a long time. And that was what made him feel mad comfortable with me. Then he even mentioned how I came into our writing class the first time and how I came in late and sat all the way in the back. And it's funny cause I didn't think guys remember shit like that but he did. Which I thought was cute. I remember that day when I sat down in the back he looked back and I smiled and him and he smiled back. Actually that was the first time we saw each other but we never spoke that day. The following time was in the other class which I spoke to him.

Now, what I found funny was that he tells me that he knew I like him after that point but to be honest I didn't like him at that moment. I remember thinking he was cute but that was it. Now, I tried asking him what made him feel like that but I don't remember really getting an answer. So, I asked him how he felt, he said that he thought I was cute and to top it off I was mad cool, and that's what made him really like me. So, fucking around I told him "So if I wasn't mad cool you would have not liked me?" He goes, "Nah I would of thought you was cute but that's it." So, I just left it at that.

I know that I had mentioned on here that I wasn't going to tell Peter about seeing someone in the school but I couldn't help it. I saw to many girls in one class just looking at him and being mad friendly. So before shit blew up I told him, "Do me one favor do not date anyone in this school while you and I are messing around". He said "No Problem" I asked him if he was sure, he said No Doubt. So, I left it like that.

Then he tells me "So, you don't care if I see other people as long as it's not in the school". I said "No, it's not that it's just that we are just dating I can't say you can't see anyone else, I'm not your girl." He just said "Oh, ok" and we dropped it. So, yea I couldn't help it, I had to mention about not dating in school.

No one in our classes knows shit. Every time we kiss no one is around. Now, I would like to know what is he going to do if he comes one day and everyone is in front of the building. If he plays it off it's all good. If he doesn't it's all good as well. But I know everyone is going to be like "Get the fuck out of here". Cause we don't even sit next to each other. Only during math class.

Well, enough about him, I have an exam tomorrow and I haven't even study but me and this girl are going to cheat so it's all good. Ok that other guy I'm attracted to came out kind of weird to me last Friday. Now, Christina was there and she even said he had a problem. Anyway we told this other girl yesterday about him and his attitude. Now, I'm just hoping this bitch doesn't tell him shit cause I forgot, but she talks to him. The thing is I told them that I took his email, broke it and got rid of it. This bitch tells me "Well I would have done it in his face". My thing is I'm hoping I don't hear some shit about her telling him that I said he had an attitude. Cause if she's going to tell him shit she basically should tell him I said he was cute too.

I saw him on Wednesday and he was mad cool. I don't know maybe I caught him at the wrong time last week.

Well, I don't think I'm going to be able to write for a while. Well, maybe this weekend, I don't know. Till next Time. I have to study.

2/24/06 - Friday 2:22 PM

Thursday, 17, 2006 11:39 PM

Last night I was thinking, how can I break up with Peter? Then today in class I'm texting my sister telling her how I just want to end it but I'll just wait the 4, weeks just so I don't feel weird around him in class. Then it hits me I don't have to deal with shit, I'm going to end it as soon as I get to talk to him in private. Mind you he was sitting right next to me while I was texting. Then I changed my mind again. This time I decided to get a little serious on him, tell him what I want and expect. Why? Cause guy's freak out on shit like that. So, that's what I'm going to do. Only thing is if he say's he can do those things then I'm fucked. Damn I can't wait for the 4, weeks to be over. Shit, maybe is just this week that I'm not feeling him. I told my sister the corny shit he said (that I think is why I'm feeling like this) and she even said, that was pretty corny. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. What now.

Well, I didn't do well on my exam that I had on Friday. So, I was pissed about that. My professor just tells me not to worry about that score and to keep doing what I'm doing. So this whole weekend I'm going to be studying. I have to pick up my sister tomorrow from work. On Sunday we are going to the Movie Theater.

I decided to not mention anything to Peter and just start stepping away, Leave early not wait for him. Fucked up shit is when he waits for me then I'm fucked. I really don't have to take the ride home with him. I can just say that I have to do something and hope he doesn't offer to drive me there.

Well, this weekend we saw, Broke Back Mountain, and Date Movie, which was kind of funny.

My sister and I were fucking around with Ralph's cousin on Saturday. He let me ask this guy if he had a girl etc...He said "No". His cousin just kept saying "You're having a lot of fun aren't you". You damn fucking right I was. But I would never tell on the cousin. I never bite the hand that feeds me the information. I do know that Ralph would be pissed if he found out that his cousin and I are cool like that. Actually, I never told Ralph that I'm dating Peter, but then again his cousin knows. I know you're probably thinking why would you trust a cousin, now this is the thing I have shit on him so it's all good.

Well, tomorrow I have to ask this girl if she's walking my way after school cause I want to bounce quickly. And I'm not even going to look at him in class tomorrow. I'm so mean. I just hope he doesn't come to me when we get our break.

Thursday, 23, 2006

Well, yesterday was not as bad as last Thursday. I wasn't as bothered with him as I was last time. I haven't said a word about the whole thing. I just act mad cool. So, that's how I'm going to keep it. It's no biggy, 4, weeks left. I'm just hoping that he doesn't take this one class with me next semester. Out of my other class I know we are not getting together, it's just one that I fucking have to worry about.

A friend of mine was telling me that, he can't believe that me the honest and straight out chick can't tell this kid "Yo papa I'm not feeling it" His word's exactly. I explained to him that it's probably best I just wait the 4, weeks. I think he got my point and understands why now.Well, I guess that's it for now. Picking up my sister from work today after class.

Till Next Time

3/5/06 - Sunday 7:01 PM

2/28/06 Tuesday 12:14 AM

Well, I had a midterm today and it got graded today. It's all good cause I got a 100%. Yes I know. This semester has been pretty fucking good. All my exam's have been in the 90%- 100%. Except for my accounting exam which I won't say the score.

3/4/06 Saturday 7:45 PM

Well, on Thursday Peter was waiting for me and I just got up and was leaving and he looks at me and has this weird look on his face and say's "You're Leaving" And I said Yes and left. Turns out he went right behind me but I went into the lady's room and he thought I had left out. So, that was that. Went to pick up my sister from work yesterday. Stood there for a while then we came to my house.

I studied today, gave myself a headache. Done for the day until tomorrow.

Well, Flavor Of Love is almost finishing. That show is hilarious. My sister and I don't miss an episode. Last episode, with the spit, was nasty. Well, let me go Till Next.

Oh yea, I forgot. On Thursday this bitch comes to our class door and calls out Peters name and waves hi to him. So, he waves hi back and changes his face quickly. So, me to bother I look at him and tell him "That's your girlfriend". For what was that, he got pissed and put the most disturbed face you can ever imagine. I just smiled, and turned my face back to my friend and kept talking. That bitch is ugly to. I do think she has a crush on him to be honest. So yea just had to mention that.

4/1/06 - Saturday 2:57 PM

Saturday 3/11/06 1:43 PM

Well, just came from the gym. Now, I have a big problem. The other day while I was at the gym this black girl was using the treadmill next to me. Now, you know how some people do arm exercises while using the treadmill, well this bitch was. So, I'm there doing my thing and this bitch is swinging her arms up and down, but every time that shit went up I was getting a nasty as smell. Now, I'm thinking doesn't this bitch smell herself, damn give me a fucking break. That shit could fuck up someone's workout. Imagine it's early in the morning, you're there, you have an empty stomach and smelling that funk. Now, my problem is that every time a black girl stands next to me and I don't smell perfume I get scared. No offence to black girls. It's just since that last bitch was black and that was the weirdest smell I have ever smelled I keep thinking "Oh please don't let this bitch smell like that". Don't worry some Spanish chicks stink too.

It's just wrong. If you even think you smell, don't go work out next to someone. You know what, don't work out at all, just go take a shower let that be your workout. Like today this black girl is working out next to me and first thing that popped in my head was that other bitch but this chicky smelled good so I was OK.

Sunday 3/19/06 11:43 AM

I know for a fact now that I'm not getting any classes with Peter, so I'm so happy about that. I met this new guy, and no he is not in my class. I hope he never is. Turns out that day, that it was hot out I was wearing a yellow shirt with my Jean Jacket. We got in the elevator together and he was like "It's hot out today and you have that pretty color on, Which looks very pretty on you" I said thank you. Made small talk got off in my floor. Saw him again this Friday that just passed, cause I had to see this professor of mine about some work I did and turns out he was in that class. So, he smiled and just kept looking at me. I can tell that he's probably going to be the next guy I date in that school. If not, then its because he doesn't have the balls to ask me out. I would go out with him, I think. I have to see how he acts first. So, far I only seen the sweet side of him. I like to see how people act in front of other people. Just to see if I can roll with that. Well, that's it for now.

Sunday 3/25/06 8:09 PM

Well, Passed all my classes, like always. Turns out Christina didn't pass our acc class. I really wanted her to pass with me. We're still going to be in a class next semester but it just sucks. I have not gone to the Gym in five days. On Wednesday, I was to exhausted, on Thursday I already had plans not to go, Friday got my period so can't go until Monday. Doesn't that suck.

My Cousin (M) got arrested for getting on the bus through the back, mind you he has an unlimited Metro. He had to stay until Friday night at 11:30 PM. Sad, I know. I guess that's it for now.

Saturday 4/01/06 2:57 PM

Well, Monday 2 chicks almost got into it at the gym. That was interesting. An Aunt of mine died. Her wake was on Thursday. Met a lot of cousins there. Got to see my cousin (S) I spoken about her on here before, "in my first journal". It was weird, we hugged she mentioned how she saw me in the train. I saw her that day too but we both ignored each other. She was like "You looked all pretty with your clear face". Now, your probably wondering why would someone say, Clear Face. Turns out this chick looks a little jacked up. She has pimples all over, ugly eyebrows. She doesn't look the same as before. So, yea I think because she's self conscious about her skin, is why she kept mentioning my face. I wanted her to stop. I got a headache that day, not just because of her, it was everything, the situation etc..

Last but not least, I found out today that

"I am pregnant"

. Yes Everyone, Eni is pregnant. And guess from who people. Yep from him. I never stopped fucking with him. I know, but I'm happy, he is happy so it's all good. Isn't love a beautiful thing.

Well Till Next Time

Oh yea, April Fools. Me Pregnant, don't think so. Especially not from a 22, yr old. Well, not yet at least. Hope I didn't scare anyone .

5/28/06 - Sunday 11:58 PM

Saturday 4/16/06 10:54 PM

Well, everything has been good. Yesterday my girl and I were checking out myspace and found my ex. I haven't seen him in like 10 yrs. He doesn't look the same of course but damn that nigga still looks so good. My best friend was like "Oh shit that nigga looks good Eni, and he is divorced". I thought I would never see or hear from this guy again. Now, do I want to see him? I think so. I think I just have a lot of things to say. In a way I don't want to bring up the passed but it will come up. I know there are things he wants to bring up from back then as well. This is the guy that I mentioned on here that every time I went to a party with him, girls were all over him. Who knows maybe I didn't mention it. Who cares. He was 8, years older then me, I fell for him and it may be weird to some people but he fell for a younger girl badly. His sister was trying to get him to leave me alone but it didn't work. She even tried hooking him up with a 23, year old and it still didn't work. The only time she was nice to me was when he had to break up with me, you believe that. And he told me that she got mad at him because I was a young girl, and that she knows how it feels to break the heart of a girl my age. He had to break my heart not wanting to. He had to do what he had to do. And I don't blame him to be honest, he did the right thing. And like I said to these girls I'm glad everything happened the way it did. I don't think we could fall for each other like we did before, I just don't believe in that. Once it happens that's it. I never have fallen in love with someone, over again. I have heard people say they have, but I don't think I'm built that way. HAHAHA. Till Next Time.

Saturday 4/29/06 12:17 PM

Let me see what has been going on. I did mention about my finding my ex. Damn he looks good. I just want to kiss him again that's all. Nothing else I swear.

So far there are about 15, people going to Cancun. That's going to be off the hook. Then again the number can go down which I think it is. Also there are a few people that said they were going to go but I'm not counting them yet. I'm suppose to be studying right now and I'm not. I'm going to start in a few. Everything has been good so far. I'm happy. Oh yea, this girl was telling me that this guy in my last semester class that use to chill with Peter has been asking for me. I use to think he had a little crush on me believe it or not. To bad he isn't my type. There is this other guy in my class that is constantly staring at me and I catch him all the time, and when I do he try's to change his face quickly which I think is so ridiculous. Once again to bad he isn't my type. I must say I love my English class. At first I wished I had picked my old professors class but I'm glad I didn't. In fact I thought I was going to try and take him next semester and I'm not. I'm going to try and take this professor again. I like the fact that we can discuss anything and everything. And it always jumps from one topic to the next. You get so into that you forget your in class and start using the words like "Dick" like I did by accident. I was talking about this guy that let his dick come out of his pants in the bus on purpose. Then right after that this other girl comes out and says something about "Jerking Off". That has only happened to me once. I usually am very careful with my chose of words. So yea, I think everyone enjoys that class. Oh yea, my professor is only 27, yrs old. Very young. So, far I might just get four A's this semester. As for the 5th class I can't even tell you. Might just get a C+. Well that's it for now. Till Next.

Friday 5/12/06 10:22 AM

Well, I got to speak to my "Ex". It's like he's a completely different person. It has been nice talking to him, I must say. I took my Acc test yesterday. I know I fail that shit..

Wednesday 5/17/06 11:07PM

Well, as for my ex he is still in the "I don't know what he wants from me list". He tell's me one thing I feel another. But there is always going to be feelings there for him, that I can say. I have been speaking to him almost every night. It does feel good; but so would any new guys attention...

Sunday 5/28/06 11:55PM

Ok, The ex thing is going awful. He is still immature. Which is sad giving the age he is now. I told him the other day I couldn't do this anymore. I told him I think we are completely different people. I told him I will never forget him but it wasn't going to work. He has not said anything else to me. I told him this on Thursday and it's Sunday today. I have not spoken to him at all since that day.

I was worried that I failed my acc test but I actually passed it.

I did this one essay for my professor which was a little freaky. This guy in the train read it and told me that it was very good and also arousing. He actually gave me his number so I can call him and tell him what my professor said about my essay. Which before he read my essay he was already coming on to me; that just help him do the whole number thing easier. I'm not going to call him. I see him a few times in the train every now and then. I'll just wait till he asks me one day.

I have to see Ralph soon. I miss him. I love him. He is a male best-friend. Well, I guess that's is it for now. Oh yea, I forgot; I'm in class like about 3, weeks ago and all of us girls start taking about this guy in our class. We were talking about the way he dresses. I came out and said he dressed cute but it was to much and it reminded me of when I was in high school and everything had to go matching. Now, this girl in my class starts to laugh a little bit to much. So, after a while I looked at her and decided to ask her why she was laughing so much and that if she knew him personally. She comes out and say's "Some What". Lucky for me I had changed my opinion about him before I was told she was sort of talking to him. I had said a few other things as well. I started laughing when I found out. I even told her I should know better because just a month ago I was dating a guy in my class and not one person had a clue that we were together. Cause we sat exactly how they sat. One, in one corner; the other in the next. Well, Till Next Time

6/28/06 - Wednesday 6:49 PM

Well, I know it has been a while since I have written on here. Well, I saw Peter the other day. I called him out while he was walking to his nice car. He looked back and came to me. Which I only had in mind to wave hi to him. We spoke, asked each other questions then went our separate ways. He was just in school that day to do paper work. I had a class and was just chillin outside with my girl and this guy that had just gotten kicked out by my professor for being rude in class. I did my last speech on Platanos. Which went well, for someone who left her visuals at home. I was just glad the class was over.

I been dating this guy name John. Well, that's not his name but that is what I will call him. He actually calls me Jane. The reason for all the secrets is because we should not be together. Why? I can't say. Why? Because I don't know who really know's me and is reading this. We been together for 1 1/2 months now. It has been good, fun, exciting etc.. I went on vacation on Friday cause school is over. He was pissed that I didn't let him know in advance that I was leaving. I didn't even know I was leaving so how am I suppose to let him know. I did tell him as soon as I booked my stuff. He was upset and complaining. He is going to be even more pissed off when I leave to Cancun next month. He knows he has no right to tell me anything or to be jealous. He even said it himself. I told him he doesn't have the right but he has the right to tell me how he feels. Which I will consider; but then again not give a shit because the situation we're in. I wish I could explain myself I just don't feel comfortable right now. I just have been doing something I said I will never do. And now I am, and I don't even know why and how it all started.

Last night I came home from vacation early. I was suppose to come back on Sunday and I came yesterday, Tuesday. He kept asking what was I doing and who I was with. Cause I told him it was a group of friends I was with in Virginia Beach. He acted very jealous. Mind you he said that he is not jealous and that he doesn't care what I do. He keeps thinking I'm going to fall inlove with him but I think he is the one that is going to fall inlove with me. I just hope he doesn't act it out. The bad thing is that he will get fucked up if people were to find out we were together and I will be talked about if they find out. I always tell him he needs this to be on the down low just as bad as I need it to be on the low. So we both have something to lose if anyone finds out.

Yesterday when I got home he came upstairs for a while. We talked, told each other how much we miss one another and then he had to fuck it up with his comment. "We can't get to attached". That shit pissed me off. I told him he needs to stop that bullshit. I think he thinks I'm getting to attached cause how I act with him. My girls say that maybe he is the one getting to attached and that's why he mentions it so much. I like him a lot but I know this is not going anywhere. It can't. When I went into this, it was knowing how far this can go. I understand that he doesn't know how I think, but come on. Plus I'm not going to tell him that I know from the beginning that this isn't going anywhere. Even though he should understand because of his situation but still it just sounds to foul to say it. It cannot go anywhere. Plus lately he is the one acting all jealous and all over me. Anyway. Well, we got into a disagreement last night. He said he was going home; I kissed him a few times then he said he wasn't in the mood so I dismissed him. Didn't even kiss him on his way out, nada.

I sent him a message today letting him know that the next time he mentions about "one of use getting attached or what's going to happen later if one of us fall inlove etc" That I am cutting it off for good; so he better watch what comes out of his mouth from now on. Besides that, everything has been good with him. I do have fun with him. Oh yea, and he said I can't see anyone else which is funny. He knows he can't say shit. I did tell him that if he didn't want me to see anyone else I wouldn't. But I just said that to see what he was going to say. He always say's he feels like he can't tell me what to do. Which he is right about that shit.

I passed all my classes. Till Next Time.

2/2/06 - Thursday 11:33 PM

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