Wed, Dec 20. '01 (1:11am)
    Well, there's not much time left till Christmas now, and I still haven't gotten all the presents... *sigh*. Well, I'll have to go shopping tomorrow, I guess. That is, if my mom (my mode of transportation being the mom-mobile) will take me. Plus I never have finished buying her gifts... It's sorta hard to when she's the one who takes u places... But I'm going to try to get Granny out here one day (tomorrow or the next) to take me somewhere to get things... Some people are going to be ending up with money at this rate, though... but then some people actually think money is a good idea... I'll have to make cards for them then, huh? Just to show that I do care. :) *sigh* so much to do, so much to do...
Have yourself a merry little christmas...
LOL. later.

Sat, Dec 15, '01 (7:55pm)
    Boy, life without school is so... uneventful. I've done a little cleaning, but not much. I plan on doing more, but mom keeps making me mad... We got some videos today... Legally Blonde which I've heard is supposed to be hilarious, and America's Sweethearts which I thought was really good (just watched it). I'm so happy we have a vcr now... Cuz school made me miss so many movies, and it's great to be able to rent them again. Oh, I got books today, too! Yay books! So I should be ok this coming week. Still haven't totally finished x-mas shopping... but oh well.... I've got time! :) Later.

Thur, Dec 13, '01 (11:53am)
    Today was my last final. I think I did well on my History final... but I'm going to fail that class anyway, so what does it matter? I stayed up till 4 in the morning writing a paper for today's final, and I'm really tired right now, but I have to go to the doctor today. *sigh* What I'm really ready to do is go to sleep... ah well.
(6:33pm)
    Twice in one day! It's a record! LOL. Well, tried to go to doctor's but mom got appointment time mixed up with her own... so we showed up late and the receptionist said we'd have to make another appointment... We had to wait so long just for that one, though, and I really don't want to go through that again. We may just get a diff doctor... Bye.

Wed, Nov 28, '01 (3:25pm)
    Wow, it's been twenty days since I last wrote... Still not going well academically, however. I finished one paper just two hours ago. Late, but finished. I suppose I'll have to present to the class on thursday... and I hate speaking in front of people! Even people I know... You see, it depends on the number of people. At the number of 5 to 6 I start growing nervous and quiet. It depends on how well I know them as well. I'm already nervous about presenting, and I don't have to do it till tomorrow... so how nervous will I be then? Well, we'll see. Ttyl.

Thursday, Nov 8, '01 (7:55pm)
    I didn't do well in Geo Lab... stupid rocks! ;) Just had a history test today... *shrieks* plus a humanities test... luckily we got a reprieve in the humanities class. A take home test! Thank Destiny, Fate, the Creator, and all things in between! Ok, will continue later, Charmed is on.
(10:00pm) No, I wasn't watching Charmed during all that time... started working on the website, actually, lol! Anyway, this weekend I'm going on a fieldtrip... so I'm not sure if the take home test thing is going to be great for me or not... and there are so many papers I need to work on that I'm swamped... just thinking of all I have to do exhausts me! So why am I working on my webpg then, u ask? Good question. Well, I am an escapist, u know... or atleast I hope you know. I will work on it... but I'm so tired. Tired of everything! Things have been rocky in TYI lately (club I'm in... advertised on homepage). Luckily things seem to be getting better... Started with a disagreement over how a story should go, and unfortunately I was the instigator. I rarely am... but I was in a bad mood that week, had a black cloud over my head, the whole bit. Afterwards I apologized and I'm still apologizing... although not exactly thru saying "I'm sorry," but thru saying stuff like, "I'm glad you're staying. Can't wait till you post!" I'm not saying I'm lying in those posts... cuz I'm not. But that's my version of an apology. :) Ciao.

Monday, Oct 15, 2001 (2:36pm)
    Well my excuse for not writing this month is my modem being dead... which you have to admit is a pretty good excuse. I've been reading a lot without the net, and doing some writing, too, but now that my puter's gone I guess I'll have to resort to pen and paper. *groans* As far as school is concerned I've been doing pretty well. I keep forgetting assignments for my humanities class... but that's the only one. I don't know why, either. I did really well on my first test in all subjects except for history and geology. In history I got a 68!!! :( As for geology, the jury is still out on that one. A's for the rest of my subjects. I'm just going to have to study harder for history... Apparently she wants the notes parroted back at her verbatim... and I gave her stuff out of the book. Silly me! *rolls eyes* Well major studying for the next test, def. I'll write when I get another chance... Next week, probly. Bye.

Sunday, Sept 16, 2001 (10:53pm)
    I haven't been writing as much lately, I've been much much too busy. Not enough time for everything I'd like to do and if I make time I steal it from something else. This will have to be a quick entry, a quick update. I will try harder in the future.
    As for how I've been, well... over worked, under-slept, shocked, scared, numb. Yep, those are most of my latest emotional phases. I heard about the WTC being crashed into by a plane b4 I went into class, the first one, but not the second one. I tried to tell a friend about it, happy to have something to impart she might find interesting. I didn't quite get what was happening then. I thought it'd been an accident, I was sad that ppl had died, but it hadn't really sunk in yet, y'know? Well, she ignores me totally... so I drop it. Then after class a teacher comes in yelling about how the WTC has been bombed as well as the Pentagon... He explains and it suddenly hits me. Everyone acts shocked, even Beth (my friend I tried to tell). She's never once mentioned the fact that I tried to tell her. I guess she truly did not hear. How sad. We could've been watching the news at that time... Well, it's over. And I've learned that not watching the news isn't much of a big deal... in fact I often don't watch it now because it makes me cry. I'm sure in the future it will give us much more to cry about.
    My mom and I went to Winn Dixie yesterday, and they were playing the oddest music selection I've ever heard. Patriotic music of all styles. Sousa's marches were mixed in with Garth Brook's We Shall Be Free and Lee Greenwood's God Bless America. Odd, yes? Well it sounded so to me. I could barely stand listening to the marches and other classical-sounding music. I'm not a big classic music buff. I honestly don't understand how the cashiers could stand it. Although I pay a lot more attention to what is supposed to be background music than most, I suppose. Mom said that was the type of music they played during WWII. Well aren't they anticipating? Until an all out war begins, I'm not going to believe it. I'll believe a battle is coming, perhaps another Desert Storm of a kind, or Vietnam... but not WWIII. Those are bad enough, of course.
    It's really frightening, these reports of Arabs being harrassed. I'm not Arabian and I'm not Muslim, but it gets to me. I have a fellow classmate who was asked if he was an arab... and he's ASIAN. A friend who is from middle east decent and Muslim actually had a guy studying an article on how to identify an arabian and staring at him. Scary, esply since he lives in England! I don't, I really don't understand this outbreak of anger. All of my feelings are leaning towards crying, and tonight I think I've finally understood the meaning of the Catharsis.
Ok, well I wrote more than I should, and I stayed on longer than I planned. Must get some sleep. TTYL.

Fri, Aug 31, 2001 (3:16pm)
    I have survived my first week of class!!! Everything seems so different now... It's almost as if I was wearing rose colored glasses, and suddenly they've been removed. I don't feel such an impulse to avoid homework like I used to. Indeed, I feel anxious until it's finally done! I'm very afraid that I've taken on more than I can handle this semester, but if I have I'll drop one of my classes. Not geology which I need, but probably C Programming I. I took C++ in High School, and so far it doesn't seem too different. I had no idea that C came first, but it turns out it's still in use although in the computer world that means very little. I don't mind learning C, however, even if it is outdated. It's a good refresher course... and maybe we'll go beyond what I learned in C++. In fact, I'm pretty sure we will. :) So, I'm just going to do my best and hope it's enough. Have a good Labor Day everyone!

Fri, Aug 24, 2001 (2:32am)
    Well it turns out that I'm not diabetic after all! Yay! Well, not that their test showed anyway. There was an anomaly though, apparently something showed up that usually accompanies arthritus!!! I don't think I have arthritus though.
    School starts soon for me. I'm happy because I will have something to do, but I'm going back to the same class as last year, well almost the same, and we had problems. I don't know why, but there's a bad atmosphere to the classroom. So why am I going back? Well, 1)Familiarity. 2)I actually made some friends there. 3) Better to continue on with the future I've laid out for myself then to try and plot a new course. There you have it! All of my reasons. For a while I thought of just getting an assoc. degree in applied science and going straight to the work force, but I talked to a counselor and he talked me out of it. (By counselor I'm not talking psych. I've never understood why they're called counselors but they can counsel you about your future, and what classes to take.) So the new gameplan is to go on to a university... and no I'm not going to tell you which for then someone would come stalk me! Kidding, kidding. I'm still not going to say, though.
    Oh, btw, I cleaned my room a littel... *gasp*!!! Yes, I have cleaned my room! I'm not quite finished, but it looks a lot better and I plan for it to look a little more better than it is when I'm done. Now if I can just keep it clean!!!

Wed, Aug 1, 2001 (3:34am)
    Been a while since I last wrote here... but nothing much has changed. No job, Oh! I'm diabetic! yay! Let's all cheer! *rolls eyes* Ok, ok. I know that was pathetic. It wasn't really a big, huge surprise... my dad's a diabetic, his mom's a diabetic, and it has a pretty high percentage rate these days... We all know what this means, don't we? No more sugar. *cries* I love sugar, why sugar? Why not oh... vegetables? Come on, man, I can't live without sugar!!! *winks* I know I can live without it... *sighs* It'll be hard to keep myself from the stuff though.
    Well, actually I haven't been confirmed for diabetes yet, so there's a chance... a tiny, miniscule, very doubtful chance, that I don't have it. But I don't think I'll be writing in a few days that I don't... I'll prob just be confirming what I said earlier. Looks like my dad and gran were right... I do have diabetes. Huh. Not that this means I'll listen to my dad... *cuts that thought short* Ok, well I gotta go... need to sleep. Night all. Sweet Dreams!

Wed, July 4, 2001 (12:39am)
    Didn't go see any fireworks but it hasn't been a bad day. I can still remember last year's fourth of July; barely seeing any fireworks for trees, sitting on the scratchy ground while my feet go numb, suffering in the heat. I prefered what I did today; went to the movies, got in on a sale at Half Price Books (3 books @ $0.50 ea.) and spent the evening inside out of the heat. Still no job, I think I'm intimidated by the trans system. Never been on a bus b4... city bus, I mean. I'm afraid I'll get downtown and not know how to get back.
    Yesterday I was doing a little painting on one of my bedroom walls when Cally (my cat) came running into the room and upset the bottle of paint. Oh, I wiped up the paint of course, no harm done, but I was so angry at her for about thirty minutes. Fortunately I'm not such a mean person as to hit a defenseless animal. Not that she's absolutely defenceless, but against a human being it's pretty close to it. Cat-lovers know just how effective those claws can be! but their smaller size and strength can't compare.
    I have to wonder if I'll ever get a job. I just need a push in the right direction, but unfortunately no one seems up to the task. I have to wonder whether or not I'll even get around to signing up for that net course. *sigh* Today wasn't bad over all. I got three books for good prices, got to see Cats & Dogs, and spend time with a friend, but... I felt so tired all day. Funny, coming from a girl who never exercises and probably doesn't truly know the meaning of the word tired, but it's true. I'm not sure what I'm exactly tired of, either. Perhaps just my life in general. I'm not a creature of change, however. I'm a creature of habit. I do things over, over, and over again. Order the same things at restaurants, take the low, well traveled road instead of the high, and dream of taking that high one. Will I ever learn?

Fri, June 29, 2001 (2:30pm)
    I'm back home now. For about a month and a half I've been at my Granny's (dad's mother's) house and the only net access there is at a Lib... so that's why you haven't heard from me in so long. I'm finally back and I'm in the process of searching for a job. I'm going to apply at a theatre and Barnes and Noble. Fun jobs, y'know? Well one of them is, the other I'd get an employee discount on books... :D. Just yesterday Alex(andra) gave me, no, loaned me her copy of Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone. I know, I know, where have I been? Well you know the answer to that... although my reason for not reading the Harry Potter books is this simple: I try not to follow fads. Oh, if I like something that's a fad I might follow it, but I won't give it up after its become unfashionable. I might give it up if I get tired of it, however.
    Anyway... Oh, I saw my cousin Sandra while I was at Gran's house but it wasn't much fun... all she visits Gran to do is shop. So me and Gran follow her around for a day, being bored, while she hunts out all of the deals she can find. Thing is, we, meaning my Gran and me, can't buy anything at all! Oh, it's not Sandra's fault, I mean she doesn't say we can't. In fact she leaves us to our own devices, says she'll meet us somewhere when she's done. So if we wanted to we could go shop. Its Gran who stops us from shopping. Not a thing, not one thing do we buy... and after walking all over a couple of department stores it starts getting boring and I start getting frustrated because I have to go through all of this when I don't even get one single thing! Last time I had some money of my own, so I got to buy myself something, but this time I didn't have any... *sigh* Ok, we're back to the job now. I'll write about my Family Reunion tomorrow. I really need to do some updating on this site now.

Thur, May 24, 2001 (1:49am)
    Still doing nothing here. I ran out of books and had to make a lib run. Deja Dead turned out all right. Still not my fave writer, but Kathy Reichs is pretty good. Reminds me a lot of Patricia Cornwall... Cornwall, Cornwell... something like that. Of course, the job didn't turn out. Guy didn't want to talk bout job. Did talk about the new job his wife has on the net but... not for me. Looks like I'm going to have to get an old fashioned job after all. Ie. Would you like fries with that? Oh, don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with menial labor... I just don't want to do it! *sighs* It pays, tho. So whatever job I can get, I guess.
    Actually I've been expecting this for awhile after it took my gran so long to get back to me. I've been being lazy tho and haven't been able to get my lazy-ass self up and out to apply for a job. About a half-mile away from my house (or more) there's a place where they need workers but do I really want to walk that far? NO! Oh sure, I'd lose weight... but during summer... uck! Something tells me that's where I'm going to end up working. Gran suggested Sears... I do live close to a mall but it's a lame one. I could prob get a job there... but I'm not sure how much it might pay. I'll have to compare pay rates, I guess.
    I'll get back to ya when I've done something. This weekend is my family reunion. Well, actually it's not technically my family. I'm related to 'em thru my gran. Some of 'em I am related to... but it's a small amount. I love these reunions though. The only other reunion I know no one and they've been outside for a few years now... Outside in Texas' summer heat. NO WAY! They were bad enough when it was indoors... but now you couldn't drag me there. I'd commit suicide first!

Tue, May 15, 2001 (1:08am)
    Been doing basically nothing since my last entry. Have read two books though. (I'm a slow reader... usually.) I'm on page 84 on my next. Deja Dead, is it's name. So far it's not bad though the pace is a little slow for me. I mean, I love a building climax as much as the next reader but I hate it when she gets all detaily... going to the tinsiest detail about every single thing. I know there are supposed to be periods of lull... but these periods of lull make me think... Ok, Enough! This is not necessary! Uhh... and some other stuff but I must remind you that a child could look at this page as easily as an adult.
    I miss my fave mysteries. They're by one Catherine O'Connell (I think that's her name...) and I just love her main character... she's um, not right. She had a really rough childhood and emotionally she's not normal. But that's one of the things that makes it so fascinating! Just the way she writes... and the situations! Unfortunately they don't have many of her books at my local lib... and in the transportation department u can just put a big zip down. Oh sure, I could take the bus... but do I really want to? NO! If I get that job tho I should be able to buy a car sooner... although which raising gas prices it's not too tempting an idea anymore. With money I could just buy her books! yay! but then again would I really want to waste my money like that? :( no. Ah well. I guess the lib is to be my fate for books. For now, anyway.

Wed, May 9, 2001 (11:01pm)
    No more school! Woohoo! Ok, well no heavy schooling. This summer I'm going to work and maybe take a class or two... but just a few. See? No strain. As for work... eek! ;) Nah, if it all works out I may be able to work on my computer... yay!... of course there's a course I'd have to take first that costs a pretty penny (where did that saying come from I wonder... I mean, is a hundred dollar bill prettier than a dollar bill? Well I guess it's all from your point of view...) My Granny (dad's mom) knows a guy who does this as well as the part time job she shares with him (taking care of an old man is a full time job... they have ppl there round the clock) so I'm thinking it's pretty legitimate. One can hope! Ok, more later... I'm going to go read! *cheers* I've been sober for the last month or so... ie. sober from my addiction to books... and now I'm ready to get drunk again! BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS!!!! Yay! Ok, I know this isn't healthy... but who the hell cares? BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, May 8, 2001 (11:23pm)
    Tomorrow's my last final. Thank God! (Or whatever deity you worship.) I'm so happy it's over. I'm going to do terribly on this last test, I just know it. I can't seem to study for it and not studying for it doesn't work either! They just seem to expect too much from us. It's like three classes instead of one. Plus we only have oh... four tests in the whole semester! There are two biography reports and a research paper, too but still... four tests! It's no where near enough. They space them out so far we can't remember what they taught us at first! It's annoying. *sigh* I know I'm going to have to retake this course or another in place of it I did so bad. Last time I checked I had a D. *waits for the gasps of disbelief* :) Well all I can do is my best. I'll tell you how the test goes tomorrow.

Tue, May 1, 2001 (12:55 am)
    Here's the deal: I have a biography report due on Wednesday along with a book report and a major paper... which to do first, which to do first... ? Oh yeah, and to top things off I totally choked during a recital today... kept forgetting the words and finally called it quits after trying to start over again. Result of a combo of nervousness, not enough practice, feelings of insecurity, and oh... you can probably think of some other things that might contribute... but I can't... not right now anyway. Too tired. So night night, don't let those bed bugs you hear so much about bite!