Holocaust Chicken

(Party's Bar.  Vivi has just become Makino's bouncer and is trying to make Shanks and Luffy pay up for past expenses.  Nami is still trapped in the kitchen with Sanji.)

Shanks (backing away from the blue fury that is Vivi and her strings): Ben, you can step in any time here.

Ben:  Hey, you're the one who said we'd never be back in this town again and that stiffing Makino was what pirates do.

Makino (glaring at Shanks): Is that what you said, Red?

Luffy:  Where's the rest of my crew?  Ack! (he dodges one of the strings.)

(In the kitchen:  Nami is pinned in a corner, surrounded by dishes.  She desperately attempts to fend off the food advances of Sanji.)

Nami:  I can't eat anymore, I swear!

Sanji (looming over her, with hearts in his eyes): But Nami-san, there's always room for jello.

Nami:  I'm going to get fat. (something dawns on her.)  Wait a second.  You aren't fat at all.

Sanji:  That's right.  I'm -

Nami:  Skinny as a concentration camper.

Sanji (shocked): Nami, that's not very PC!

Nami (glares up): Stop spamming!

[Would you prefer 'Russian Gulag prisoner?']

Nami (sternly): Stop mocking others' pain.

(The author giggles malevolently.  She can't help it.  After all, overdone BBQ chicken in her house is called 'Holocaust Chicken.')

Sanji (reading the above in the script): That's not funny at all.  You have a sick family.

(The author ignores their protests and continues with the non-plot.)

Nami:  My point was - aren't all good cooks supposed to be fat?  Or at least pleasingly plump?

Sanji:  No.  That's not true at all.

Nami:  Patty and Carne weren't obese, but they weren't Ethiopian famine skinny either.

Sanji (indignantly): I'm not famine skinny.

Nami:  I could encircle my whole hand around your waist.

Sanji (desperately happy): Would you really?

Trailer: Will Vivi ever extort Makino's money from Shanks and Luffy?  Where are Zoro and Usopp?  Will Nami turn into a big fat slob?  Why is Sanji so skinny?  Will this fic get a point?  Does anyone care?

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