Spam - It's Made in Chernobyl

(Party's Bar.  Makino, having determined that the majority of the male characters are possibly - maybe - yeah, you know - is now attempting to determine that if there is also yuri involved.  Nami and Vivi are not helping, as they are currently involved in a grammar problem.  Makino grabs the grammar dictionary and throws it into a convenient fireplace.)

Makino (watches it burn with satisfaction and then turns to the pirates): This is a spamfic.  No one cares about grammar.  So what I want to know is…where do you two fit in this Smut Garden?

Nami:  There is no two of us.  The fan manga tends to forget we exist.  The doujinshi is all Zoro x Sanji, Zoro x Luffy, Ace x Luffy -

Luffy (makes a face): That's sick.  He's my brother.

Nami (ignoring him): Sanji x Usopp -

Usopp:  No way!  (realizes that he spoke)  Wahoo!  Another line!  (gets back on subject) So what's this about me x Sanji? (puzzling) I thought I was just comic relief.

Makino:  Apparently not anymore.  By the way, is it true what they say about noses?

Usopp: (smirks) Yes.  It is.

(Sanji and Zoro cease their fighting.  Luffy becomes interested.)

Sanji, Zoro, and Luffy: It is?

Luffy: I thought you didn't change in front of us because…

Usopp: (smirking) Not even.  I don't want to cause any sudden nosebleeds or aneurysms.

(There is a sudden new interest in Usopp.  Then Luffy FINALLY sees Shanks.  Glomping ensues.)

Luffy:  Shanks!

(Luffy begins to talk Shanks' ear off and Shanks listens attentively.   Ben and Makino watch with sour looks on their faces.)

Ben:  Faces?  Or face?

Vivi:  Collective face?

Nami:  No, not that.  That's not right.  It has to be either face or faces -

Makino (interrupting): Get on with it!

Ben (watching his captain): I always hated that kid.

Makino:  He's cute, but doesn't it just seem…

Ben:  Horribly, horribly wrong?  Shanks is twenty years older than him.

(Sanji, Zoro, and Usopp watch.  They, too, are not pleased.)

Zoro:  So that's what he looks like.

Sanji:  He only has one arm.

Usopp:  I don't see what the big deal is.

Vivi: Not jealous are you?

Zoro (haughtily): Of a one-armed, scarred, old man?  I think not.

(Shanks hears this and glares at Zoro.)

Zoro:  You heard me, OLD MAN.

(Being the mature man that he is, Shanks sticks his tongue out at Zoro.  Zoro is defenseless in the face of such an attack and falls silent.  He broods on his next move.  He recites his mantra, because it gives him comfort.)

Zoro:  I will be the greatest swordsman in the world, or I will die trying.

Makino (smirking): So what sword are we talking about here? (Suddenly she waves her fist at the author and screams) Stop spamming me!  I don't talk like that!

Trailer: Will Zoro tear Luffy away from his one true…mentor?  Will Ben get his captain away from the Gomu boy?  Will Makino stop getting spammed?  Will this fic ever get a point?  Does anyone care?

next
smut
home


===============
Terms Explained:
The title - from 'Spam' by Save Ferris
The doujinshi mentioned has been seen by the author.  Comments on the wrongness of certain 'x's will not be discussed at this point.