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Bishonen Nigh Invulnerability
(On the sparsely defended Ohtori Wall of Defense. Touga has made a command to decision to use bishonen powers to defeat the pirates.)
Miki: Bishonen powers?
Saionji: I don't know about that, Touga.
Miki: We have powers?
Touga (sighing): Which is just another reason why you're a treasurer and I'm a president. Of course we have powers! We're nigh invulnerable. Bishonen can't be injured. We're too pretty.
Miki (muses): Nigh invulnerable…
Saionji: Hmph. I wish I had known that before I wasted all that emotion on Miki.
Touga (glances off the armaments): While you two ponder an obvious fact, what are we going to do about those pirates?
(On the street. The Luffy Pirate Crew are whistling and clapping as Usopp takes a bow.)
Usopp: Thank you, thank you very much.
Luffy: You're awesome, Usopp. I'm glad I didn't listen to Zoro and Nami about taking you on as a crewmember.
Usopp: WHAT?
Luffy (ignoring frantic 'cut it out' hand signals from Zoro and Nami): They said you would be dead weight and would hold us back. Zoro said you were useless in a fight -
(Usopp reloads his slingshot.)
Zoro: I didn't say that.
Luffy (continuing): - and Nami said that it's quicker getting up a lard-covered hill than explaining a complex idea to you.
(Usopp aims at Nami.)
Vivi: We're outside the Devil's Lair. Now is not the time to devolve into petty quarrels!
Shanks: Remember the greater good. Our bartender is in there!
Zoro (to Nami): What the heck? What are we worried about? It's Usopp!
Usopp (becomes despondent and drops the aim on his slingshot): Yes. Discount me. I'm only the comic relief. (gets evil gleam in his eyes.) Or maybe I'm not. Eat Acid Boshi!
Nami (certainly): You wouldn't.
Zoro (also certainly): I'd cut it in half and Nami would block it.
Usopp: Go ahead and cut it in half. It'll break on contact with your sword and start eating away at the metal. How would your Wadou hold up to that? And the splatter…(laughs) ever had an acid burn, Nami? I haven't, so you'll have to tell me all about it.
(Nami and Zoro trip over themselves to get away.)
Shanks: I think Usopp broke under the strain of the spam.
Luffy: Cool. A psycho sharpshooter. (pumps his fist in the air) My crew rocks!
Vivi (buries face in hands): It's sad that I'm the only sane one.
Voices (from the wall): Hey you!
Pirates!
GO AWAY!
(This lame attempt at sending the pirates on their way catches everyone's attention. In this moment of distraction, Nami and Zoro jump Usopp and take his acid boshi away from him.)
Usopp: Foiled again! Will I always remain the stupid comic relief?
Zoro: Yes.
Usopp: Well, I'm still cooler than you in this spam-fic.
Vivi: Shut up you two. We have the Devil's minions to deal with now.
(She points at the wall. The male Student Council members are now resplendent in the fullness of their Student Council uniforms. They look at the pirates from the newly fortified, yet unmanned walls of the campus with barely concealed disdain, quite secure in their bishonen nigh invulnerability.)
Touga: You can't enter Ohtori Academy.
Luffy: And why's that?
Miki: You're not bishonen.
Saionji: Not even close.
(Shanks smirks mirthlessly.)
Shanks: Those standing before you are pirates.
Touga: Oh yeah?
Luffy (stepping forward): So we don't really give a crap what you say.
Miki: Quiver in fear before the power and majesty of the SDF ROTC student officers, pirates!
Luffy: I'm made of Gomu!
Zoro: I can cut through steel.
Usopp: I can hit you at 400 paces with an acid filled pellet.
Nami: I can take you for all your worth in two minutes.
Shanks: My stare frightens sea monsters.
Vivi: I…er, I… (everyone looks at her and she mumbles)…strings…
Touga: What was that?
Vivi (turns bright red, closes her eyes, and shouts): I can use my strings and do the Dizzy Dance!
Touga (leering): Please do.
Miki (pulling Touga away from the edge): You can't intimidate us, pirates.
Saionji: We're nigh invulnerable!
(The pirates pause.)
Shanks: Hang on a second. (to the others) Huddle up, guys!
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Random Quote Analysis
"Will you excuse me? I cut my foot before and my shoe is filling up with blood." - Romy, Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion
Vivi: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Zoro: What a bad movie.
Vivi: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Zoro (turns red): Shut up!
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Terms Explained
The title - a small bow to that hero in blue. And the reference isn't to Superman.
The quote mocks Zoro's foray into the Little Garden.
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