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Utena's Lineage Revealed!
(On the Student Council Balcony. While Shanks tries to convince Touga that they are not related, Utena, Miki, and Vivi play cards. Utena has won all the money. )
Vivi: How can you beat us? We're geniuses!
Utena: So? Pay up you two.
Miki: You must be cheating.
Vivi (wailing): How did you beat us?
Utena (grins diabolically): You know that mysterious aunt that pays for my tuition?
Miki: Yeah?
Utena: Her name is Washu.
Vivi (gasping): Oh no! Not a more superior pink-type genius! Those are the rarest of the rare!
Miki: I thought pink hairs were kawaii brats?
Utena (smugly): Only if they haven't reached puberty. Soon I will mature into my true power and then my test scores will skyrocket. (laughs diabolically) I will PASS!
Miki: Assuming you survive the duels.
Utena (stops mid laugh): Hmm. That's right. If I survive the duels. What a sobering thought.
(On the other side of the balcony. Touga is bonding with his father.)
Shanks: Stay focused. You are going to take me to Akio, remember? We'll deal with that first and then work on convincing you that you are not related to me.
Touga (happily): Whatever you say, Shanks. Oh, here. Take my ring. That way, when you look at it, you'll always be reminded of your son. Plus you can use it to summon Akio. Do you want to see some pictures of me?
Shanks: No, I - did you just say I could summon Akio with it?
Touga (pulling out his wallet): Yes, but only if you're dueling. He shows up for the duels. It's required. Now this picture is of me at the junior prom -
Shanks: Back up, kid. I duel?
Touga: Yeah. You challenge Utena for possession of the Rose Bride and then you go to the dueling forest and there's choral music and lights and whatnot and you lose and the bells ring and Utena gloats. And Akio watches with opera glasses and plots.
Utena: I don't gloat!
Shanks (getting angry): So I could have seen Akio chapters and chapters ago?
Touga: It wasn't your ring then. Only I could have challenged Utena and I don't like fighting her. She's mean.
Utena: You're the one who tries to cut off all my clothes.
Shanks (smirking): You do?
Touga: Heck yeah. Wouldn't you? Now here's a picture of Nanami and me. You haven't met her yet. She's really…really…
Shanks (examining the ring): Really what?
Touga: Deceitful and devious. She finds joy in bringing others pain and obsesses on me. Maybe you don't want to meet her. That's okay with me. She doesn't need a father figure; she has me.
Shanks: Wait a second. Let me see that picture.
Touga (rocking back and forth on his heels): So when am I going to meet Mom? Oh, and who is mom, by the way? I should probably know that first.
(Shanks studies the picture of Nanami. He frowns.)
Touga: Is Mom pretty? Do I look like her at all?
(Shanks studies the picture some more. He smiles. It is not a nice smile.)
Touga: What's she doing now? You two obviously aren't together anymore so -
Shanks: You want to know about your mother?
Touga (nodding emphatically): Oh yes.
Shanks: Then let me tell you about your mother.
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(Scene change. In the Castle of Illusions. A battle of epic proportions proceeds between the pirates and the duelists of Ohtori.)
Usopp: GAH! We lost again!
Luffy (taking it more calmly): We'll win next time. Don't give up.
Usopp (throws his controller down in disgust): We lost to a monkey and a mute! This isn't fair!
ChuChu: Chu.
Usopp: I am not a sore loser!
Luffy: You're getting better and better at 'monkey-mouse,' Usopp.
Chopper (picking up controller): Original Nintendo technology is tricky and Dios has been practicing. It's natural that they're better at team Tecmo Bowl than you are.
Carue: Quack.
(The duck and the reindeer prepare to take on the undisputed champions of Ohtori Tecmo Bowl.)
Luffy: Chopper, I thought you were working at the mall.
Chopper (transforming from cute little Chopper to big monster Chopper so that he has hands to work the controller): Christmas season was over months and months ago.
Luffy: It doesn't feel like months and months.
Chopper: Blame the slow pace on the author. The updates could hardly be called 'timely.'
Usopp (rummaging through the fridge): This pad is pretty decked out, Dios. You'd hardly know it from the outside.
(Dios grunts.)
Usopp: You're splicing power from your neighbors and that's why you can afford all your cool techno gadgets? Cool.
Luffy: You are such a pirate, Dios.
(Dios grins and hits 'Start.)
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(At the Kiryuu mansion. As promised, the author has refrained from spamming Nanami. Currently Chippendales dressed in leather thong bikinis and wearing long red wigs surround her. They feed her bon bons one by one and fan her with palm fronds.)
Nanami: I guess this could have been much worse. Animals haven't attacked me and my lackeys bore the brunt of the punishment. (contemplates something as she takes another bonbon from her Chippendale man slave) Yet, I have a strange feeling of foreboding.
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(Somewhere on the grounds of Ohtori. Zoro has stopped seeking revenge against the Author and is helping Sanji (in Anthy's body) look for Anthy (in Sanji's body.))
Zoro: I don't get it. We've checked are all the places that you would be. (glances over at Anthy) Whoa. Are you alright?
Anthy (in a strange voice): I think we should go to the Mysterious Forest behind the School that No One is Supposed to Enter. Right. Now.
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(The Student Council Balcony. There are only two people left in the aftermath of the card games.)
Utena (scooping up her earnings): Wow, mister. I've haven't seen Touga so quickly. What'd you say to him?
Shanks (approaching the table that the poor sport blue haired geniuses have vacated): Just told him where he can find his 'mom.' Now about this duel thing. Do I have to slap you with a glove or something?
Utena (glowering): Try it.
Shanks: Right. No slapping.
Utena: You really have no clue about shoujo worlds, do you?
Shanks (grinning): Nope. Blissfully naïve of everything. Care to teach me?
Utena (frowns at Shanks' pervertedness): I'll meet you at the dueling arena in a half an hour.
Shanks: Dueling arena?
Utena: It's in the Mysterious Forest that No One is Supposed to Enter behind the School.
Shanks: Okay. See you in a bit.
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(Somewhere else. Anthy (in Sanji's body) is wearing Sanji's 'Mr. Prince' glasses. He is walking with his head down and is very careful to avoid eye contact with any female on campus.)
Sanji (muttering): Stupid male hormones. Of course I'd choose to borrow the body of the horniest man alive. I've got to get this done quickly.
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Random Quote Analysis:
See? Oh, you need eyes to do that… - Bun Bun from Sluggy Freelance
Note: Sanji and Zoro get a break this episode. Instead the Author and Kohza will analyze the quote.
Author: I like this quote quite a bit. It gets to the point - people with eyes can't see.
Kohza: Yet it also alludes to the fact that perhaps the quotee is the one who caused this situation.
Author: You're referring to the possibility that Bun Bun may have precipitated this event in some way?
Kohza: Yes, I'm saying that the rabbit tore out this person's eyes.
Author: Hmm. Given the context of the quote -
Kohza: It's ominous tone for example -
Author: Yes, and the fact that Bun Bun is a homicidal mini lop, I would say that your assumption is most likely the correct one.
(They ponder the Zen-ness of the quote and its universal implications.)
Kohza: Can I be let out of the cage now?
Author: No.
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Terms Explained
Sheesh, don't you understand anything?
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