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Interlude Part 2: Bar-owner Smack-down
(Makino has just entered ex-Party's bar. Much to her everlasting chagrin. The once liquor full bar known as Party's is now definitely not. The shelves behind the counter are bare of any bottles and stacked neatly in the corner are 1500 boxes of nitrile gloves.)
Vivi: Not much of a bar without stuff to drink.
Usopp: I thought something looked different.
Shanks: No liquor and hundreds of boxes of rubber gloves. Not much for a tavern; but you could always turn this place into a fetish bar.
Makino: What in the name of - YOU!
(Strewn about the floor are bottles, empty bags of chips, and very hungover sorority girls.)
F.O.Z. Girl: Oh crud. The light - burning my retinasElt;br>
Makino: I'll burn your retinas!
Sorority Girl Salmon Pink: Please don't screech. Please.
Makino (checking behind the bar): All that's left are three cases of Natty Light! I'm supposed to serve people this? Never!
Luffy: Can we take it?
Usopp: We're not picky.
(Sanji is already at the sorority girls' sides.)
Sorority Girl Moss Green: Gonna barfElt;br>
Sanji: Fear not, dear ladies. Among our group there is a doctor. Chopper! Cure them!
Makino: Doctors will do them no good. In Bar Wench Night School, we learned that the only cure for hangovers is time.
Chopper (knowingly): Or death.
Zoro: Why does that sound familiar?
(Strange fires begin to burn in Makino's eyes.)
Makino: Vivi, do you still have those strings handy?
(Vivi, being the genius blue-haired girl that she is, anticipates Makino's request and graciously binds the sorority girls up. It is not difficult to do in their hungover and generally incapacitated state.)
Makino: Well, the employee hiring process is now complete. Once I sober up these thieving dipsomaniac sorority girls -
(Sanji grins and begins removing his tie. Nami slaps him in the back of the head.)
Nami: Not nymphomaniac, hornball.
Makino: - they will begin paying off their astronomically high drink bill through indentured servitude.
(The sorority girls groan in chorus.)
Makino: Those that assist with the cleaning of my bar and take my indentured servants' bodies into my kitchen will get a free drink.
(There is a mad dash to get in on the free drink deal.)
Makino (under her breath): But only of Natty Light. Note the emphasis on 'suckas!'
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(Sometime later. The pirates are all at the bar counter enjoying, if that is the right word to use, their Natty Lights.)
Shanks: This was a fairly uneventful chapter.
Luffy: The beginning of a new arc is always slow.
Usopp: I bet the Author is between plot threads right now.
Vivi (shudders): I wonder what horrible torture she's dreaming up now.
Sanji: I hope it involves tentacles.
(Everyone gives Sanji dirty looks. Except Shanks. He leers.)
Sanji: What? All the videos in Zoro's part of the closet have tentacles in them. And ninja girls.
(Everyone gives Zoro dirty looks. Except Shanks. He leers again.)
(Suddenly the camera swivels on its tripod. It pans back, allowing a full view of the entrance to Party's Bar. There is a figure in the doorway and backlit dramatically {but not expensively because natural sunlight is being used for this effect). The pirates turn on their swivel stools to see this mysterious visitor.)
Voice: Tadaima.
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Random Quote Analysis:
Life sucks no matter what so don't be fooled by location changes - Daria
Zoro: Is that supposed to relate to our current situation?
(He says this with less rancor than usual because he is drinking a beer and relaxing on the HUGE leather couch that appeared mysteriously in the last Random Quote Analysis. The trapped RQA guys now have a place to sit. They also have a mini-fridge stocked with beer, the finest bottled water, pre-wrapped sausages, and all the fanciest gourmet Dijon ketchups they could possibly ever want.)
Kohza: Thanks, Author.
Sanji: Don't thank anybody just yet, Four-Eyes.
Kohza: But it's leather.
Sanji: It's second hand. (he picks at something with his finger nail) It's not even that clean. What is this? Dried yogurt?
Kohza: Still it must have been kind of expensive.
[Not at all. I found it in the dumpster behind the strip club. Oh. I forgot.]
(A roll of paper towels and a bottle of Windex appear.)
[You might want to use those and kinda scrape the...er...dried yogurt off.)
(The guys stand up like their pants have caught fire - as in literally caught fire and not the metaphorical way. Sanji holds his hand out in front of him, staring at it like it's been possessed by the devil and he has to cut if off.)
Sanji: Washroom! Need a washroom now!
Kohza: There's bottled water in the fridge.
(Sanji flings the mini-fridge door open. He pulls out all the water bottles, opens them, and starts pouring them over his hand.)
Zoro (passing Kohza the cleaning supplies): Have fun, clone.
Kohza: Your arms aren't broken.
Zoro: It's your couch. (glares at the mini-fridge) So what nefarious place did you get that from, Author?
[The dumpster behind the Center for Disease Control.]
(The guys gag simultaneously.)
[What? All the food and beverages are self-contained. Sheesh. What a bunch of wussies.)
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Terms Explained
Natty Light cannot be insulted enough.
The stockage of the mini-fridge is from Bare Naked Ladies - "If I had a million dollars.."
Sanji was channeling Ash for a moment there - more on that later.
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