(The Scene: Paris, France The Time: The Eve of the Revolution The Scene: A well to do part of town.  Two figures lurk in the dark…)

Mariussop: There it is!  Her house!  Ah - dearest Kassette, I've come to you.  Thank you for showing me the way, Eponami!

(Eponami, waif - child of the pirate revolution, holds out her hand.)

Mariussop (sputtering): What about your principles?

Eponami: I can't afford principles.  Pay up or I'll scream and that girl's guardian will sic the dogs on you.

(Mariussop reluctantly pays up.  Eponami gleefully runs off, leaving Mariussop to bask in the light of his beloved's window.)

Mariussop (singing): A heart full of lies…

(The window is thrown open and a young invalid leans out over the sill.)

Kassette: You came!

Mariussop: Wild boars from Borneo, fifty feet tall with razor sharp teeth and bad tempers, who are feared throughout the land and are known for their ferocity could not keep me from your window.  It's a good story actually.  I was walking down the street and -

Kassette (anxiously): No lies!  Not now!  My guardian is becoming suspicious.  He doesn't want you around here anymore.  Please be careful!

(She shuts the window again, leaving Mariussop to moon in the moonlight.)

Mariussop: Oh Kassette… my heart is torn between you and the principles of the pirates - of pirates and of becoming a great man, like my father.  But Kassette… (sighs moodily)

Voice: Whatcha doing?

(Mariussop screams. A guy about his age is standing next to him.)

Guy: This place looks posh. (to Mariussop) Think they have a boat somewhere? One that they'd be willing to loan a kind-hearted soul with intents to better himself?

Mariussop: Who are you?

Guy (grins): I'm Lu Val-lu, general put-upon, misunderstood hero type.

Mariussop (blinks): Aren't you supposed to be on the other side of the gate?

Lu: I don't think so…

Mariusopp: Then who's Kassette's guardian?

Lu (shrugs): Dunno.  Think he's got a boat though?

Mariussop: I'm guessing - no.  We're 100 miles inland.

Lu: Great.  That ruins everything. Now what am I going to do?

Mariussop: We could use someone like yourself at the barricades.  Would you care to join us in our fight for the principles of pirates everywhere!?

Lu (picking his nose): Eh…

Mariussop: It's an opportunity to prove that you're a manly warrior of the sea!

Lu: Will you feed me?

Mariussop: Sure.

Lu (poses dramatically): FOR THE REVOLUTION OF THE WORLD!  (pauses) How was that?

Mariussop: Almost had it.  Why don't we practice at the barricade?

=================

(The Next Day - The Setting: Paris, France - The Time: The Morning of the Revolution - The Scene: The hastily built barricades that separate the other pirates (the ones that don't have principles) from Paris!  It is defended by pirate revolutionaries, pirate-students, the pirate downtrodden, and Shanks.  They are intent on saving the city!)

Mariussop: I must fight for freedom!  But I may lose my life and never again see the girl I love!

(Cue Kassette flashback.)

Lu Val-lu: We won't let you down!  If we can hold out for one hour more!

Mariussop: Yes - we must save the village! 

Vivi: I don't think you can refer to Paris as a 'village.'  It has a cathedral.

Eponami: The common Parisian can get really snotty if you start calling their city a village.

Zoro: This barricade smells funny.

Mariussop (rallying the rebels): Fraternity!

Sanji: Sororities!

Shanks: And keggers too!

Mariussop: Egalite!

Lu Val-lu (makes a face): Egg latte? Yuck.

Eponami: For money! (everyone looks at her)  What?  Do you expect me to angst over penniless students?  Not hardly!

Zoro (sniffing the air): Seriously, this barricade smells like KFC.

Mariussop: It's a special revolutionary trick.  I covered it in cooking oil.

(Lu Va-lu gnaws on the wooden barricade.)

Voice: May I join in?

(All turn around to see a very ominous joiner.)

Lu Val-lu: Who are you?

Ominous Joiner: I'm here to help you fight the pirate pig dogs.

Ben: You'll need a sword.

Ominous Joiner (holds up his hands): I brought my own.  All ten of them.

Lu Val-lu: Cool mittens.

New Voice: LIAR!

Mariussop: What?  I wasn't even talking!

(Tamanegi, Piman, Ninjin, and Chopper pop out of nowhere and beat the Ominous Joiner around the knees with shovels. As this appears to do little good, Ben and Zoro restrain the Ominous Joiner.)

Piman: We know him!

Tamanegi: He's Captain Kuro!

Ninjin: You shouldn't listen to him!

Chopper: Unlike Mariusopp, he expects us to believe his lies!  And he's mean too!

Shanks: What foul treachery is this? (grins at Sanji) I have always wanted to say that.

Kuro: That's right, fools.  I am Captain Kuro of Paris - and you'll never make it out of these barricades alive! (laughs insanely)

Ninjin (poking Kuro in the bum with his shovel): You didn't think we were a threat, didja Captain?  Just coz we're small like puppies.

Chopper (doing likewise): And have blue noses!

Piman (also doing the bum poking thing): Well, you better watch your back when the pup grows up!

Kuro (trying to twist out of the range of the shovels): Would you stop doing that?! 

Ninjin: No way, man.  This is too much fun.

Shanks: It makes me laugh.

Mariussop (grins evilly): Please continue, Captain Mariussop Pirates.

(A few hours later.  Mariussop and Captain Kuro are sitting…one of them very gingerly…to discuss the terms of surrender.  Kuro's hands have been bound behind him.)

Mariussop: So you'll leave Paris -

Eponami: - don't forget the treasure!

(Kuro struggles against the bonds.)

Mariussop: I'm getting to that.  You'll leave Paris and leave your treasure behind. 

(Kuro's glasses slip down his nose.)

Kuro: Not the treasure.

Mariussop: Guys?

(Zoro, Ben, Shanks, and Lu Val-lu stand by with shovels.)

Kuro (wincing): Fine.  And the treasure.  Could someone please push my glasses up? 

Mariussop: And you have to tell everyone you meet that you were defeated by Mariussop, the greatest pirate revolutionary in France.

Kuro: Never.  I'll never do that.

Mariussop: Oh well.  Guys?

(The Spade Brigade steps forward.)

Kuro (firmly): Never.

Mariussop:  Hmm. (pretends like he's pondering some great thought) Then I guess your glasses will have to sit halfway down your nose - forever!

Kuro (turns pale): You sadistic bastard.

Mariussop: And you'd be the man to ask. 

(Kuro screams with rage and thrashes around futilely.  His glasses only slip further down his nose.  Mariussop watches with pity.)

Mariussop: Whenever you're ready.

(Kuro glares at the pirate revolutionary for exactly three minutes, then breaks out into tears.)

Kuro: Anything.  I'll do anything!  I'll tell the whole world that you're the Second Coming of Napoleon, just please, please, please fix my glasses!

===================

(Sometime later at a house in the posh section of Paris.  Kassette is reading in her room when she hears a gentle ping…ping…ping…shattercrashtinkletinkle.  Kassette closes her book, steps to the window, carefully avoids the broken glass, and sees… )

Kassette: Mariussop!  You came back!

(Mariussop is perched in the branch of the large tree outside Kassette's window.)

Kassette (goggles at the huge bag of treasure sitting next to him): And you're rich!

Mariussop: I've fought pirates, overcome many obstacles, and defeated Evil it's very self!  All for you, my dearest Kassette.  And now I've completed my goal of becoming a manly warrior of the sea!

Kassette: But where'd you get the treasure?

Mariussop: I just told you - I fought pirates, overcame obstacles and defeated Evil it's very self.

(Beat.)

Kassette: No.  Seriously.  Where'd you get it?

Mariussop (tearfully): Kassette…

Kassette (giggling): Just kidding!  (sighs breathily and leans forward)  Oh, Mariussop!  You did this all for me?  You are such a manly warrior!

Mariussop: Oh Kassette…

(They reach for each other and - )

===============
Random Quote Analysis

It seduced me, all red and sporty. - Giles

Nojiko (smiling): Looks like someone ran into my sister.
Kohza: I believe he's referring to a car.
Nojiko: Are you disagreeing with me?
(She glares at Kohza. Kohza devolves into drooling fanboy.)
[(whispering) Come off it.  She doesn't look a thing like Vivi.]
Kohza (wiping the drool away indignantly): What gave you the idea that -
[Blue-ish hair.  Threatening you with bodily harm.  A modicum of brains.  And the fact you can't string together a sentence.]
Nojiko: It's the tattoos.
Kohza: It's definitely not the tattoos.
Author and Nojiko: It's the tattoos.
Nojiko: Do you have a tattoo?
Kohza: Of course not!
Nojiko: I was talking to the Author.
[Several. They're like Pringles.]
Nojiko (grinning): I know exactly what you mean.
Kohza (derisively): Please.
(Nojiko glares at Kohza.  His brain instantaneously devolves from 'intelligent primate' into 'reptile'.)
Kohza: Gwah…

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===========
Things Explained
Midget pirate reference refers to the video Behind the Music: Captain Hampton - find it, download it.  Love it.  You know you want to.
Based on Les Mis, both the book and the musical.  It insults Javert that I let Kuro play him - but it kind of fit. 
I abuse the abuse of names found in melodramatic musicals.  And shoujo.  And Gundam Wing.  And Akira.
It is always the tattoos. 
Remember that once you pop, you can't stop!