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FEEL THE BURN!
(Amsterdam. The OnePiece Crew has been joined by the prince of evil from another series - no, not Tenchi - Ends of the World, better known as Akio Ohtori. A crowd of excited Dutchman is gathering outside, but no one notices, soon to their everlasting chagrin.)
Akio (indignant): I'm not dirty.
Shanks: Sure you aren't.
(Usopp runs past, screaming.)
Usopp: Dear god, make the butterflies stop!
Shanks (looking at Vivi and Sanji, who are chuckling): I hope you two are proud of yourself.
Vivi (now laughing out loud in that stoned way at things that aren't really funny at all): Yes, we are, in fact.
(Behind them, Zoro low crawls across the floor, swords in hand and mouth.)
Zoro (muttering): Sloths・ill never withstand・he force・f・AN AT ARMS!
Nami (sighs happily): Touga!
Shanks (snarling): I'm not fucking Touga!
Akio (raises eyebrow): Why not? It's highly enjoyable.
Shanks (despondently): This could not get any worse.
Akio: Whoops.
Shanks: What do you mean 'Whoops'?
Akio (takes another toke before answering): All I'm saying is that it's a good thing you aren't an overlord, or you'd be up to your eyebrows in doodoo.
Shanks: Doodoo? The incarnation of evil says 'doodoo?'
Akio: Told you I wasn't dirty.
(Shanks raises an eyebrow)
Akio (grouchy): Fine. I'm dirty, but I'm don't have a potty mouth.
(Zoro stands in front of the door and shakes his sword at the mass of people outside.)
Zoro: A mob! Sent by the shadowy sloths! You'll never take us alive!
Sanji: I wonder what those people are looking at.
(Most of the non-tripping pirates look out the windows. Shanks tries to, but Nami is still glomped on his one good arm.)
Vivi: They're looking at something across the river.
(The faint sound of sirens can be heard.)
Akio (standing on tiptoes): Is it fireworks?
Shanks (startled): Fire? What?
Sanji (shades his one visible eye): I don't think it's a fire.
Vivi: If only we had the Gomu boy - he'd be able to translate for us.
Akio: I'll find out. (Akio opens the door and begins to speak with some of the people in the crowd.)
Sanji (in awe): Wow, he can do anything.
Vivi (not impressed): As if you could expect anything less of the personification of evil?
(Akio returns, a paler shade of his normally tanned self. He shakes his fist at the ceiling.)
Akio: Shanks said it! Not me!
(The Devil's cries of anguish are unheeded, since after all, Akio deserves everything he gets. Plus he's dirty.)
Vivi (manages to be curious yet stoned-apathetic at the same time): What happened?
Usopp (from his corner): Gwah. Red smells like lilacs・lt;br>
Akio: She set the red light district on fire! SHE SET MY BUSINESSES ON FIRE!
Shanks: I take it you know who did this?
Akio: Do I know who did this? Of course I know who did this! That freaky little firebug who tried to buy the bar today! Makino!
Sanji (blinks): You're Mr. Party?
Akio: One of my many names.
Shanks: But why would Makino set the red light district on fire?
Akio: Because I wouldn't sell her the bar. And now she's taking her revenge upon my other lucrative venture - legal prostitution! I knew I never should have listened to those stupid humanitarians. (mimicking bleeding heart liberal type person) 'It's for the good of the community to hire rehabilitated felons. She has a record of good behavior in prison. She's in recovery.' And now look what has happened! (a look of pure terror passes over his face) She'll go after my school next! I have to save Ohtori! (dashes out the door)
Shanks (shakes his head): Makino. She fell off the wagon・hough maybe in this case, it's the fire truck. I should probably call her moderator and tell him・lt;br>
Vivi: Akio is evil incarnate. He might do nasty things to her. We should call the police instead.
Shanks: But then they'll find out that she's broken her parole and she'll go back to jail. And we'll lose our bartender! We can't let that happen!
Sanji: Why?
Vivi: She's not even a main character. We can get another bartender.
Shanks: Oh really? One who will serve wicked good drinks like her?
Vivi (goes paler - than normal): Oh lord, no.
Sanji: Still don't see the big deal.
Vivi: Shut up!
Sanji: Of course, Vivi.
Shanks (tries to stand up dramatically, but Nami's glomp prevents him from rising. He settles with staying seated dramatically): WE AIM FOR - (pauses and looks at Vivi) - what's the name of his school?
Vivi: Ohtori.
Shanks: He has the same name as the school?
Vivi: Long story.
Shanks: I don't want to say - 'We aim for Ohtori.' People might think we're aiming for him.
Sanji: Could do worse. (inhales)
Vivi: I'd do him; if he hadn't tried to pull a sword out of my chest.
Shanks: Okay, let me try this again. (gets dramatic) WE AIM FOR OHTORI, BUT NOT THE GUY, JUST THE SCHOOL.
Sanji (exhaling): That really sucked.
Shanks: Go to hell, cook.
Vivi: Ohtori - hell; it's the same thing.
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Random Quote Analysis:
This is us firing up Canadians at the border. (slide change) That's white phosphorus. Now we're burning Canadians at the border. You do not want to be there. - Major Fitzpatrick's slide show
(Zoro laughs hysterically.)
Vivi (coldly): Is this supposed to be funny?
Zoro (wiping tears from his eyes): Can't you take a joke?
Vivi: A joke? She's mocking others' pain!
Zoro (smirking): Canadians can't feel pain. They aren't quite human, you know.
Vivi: The author has a real problem with certain nationalities. First it was the French and now Canadians.
Zoro: (laughing) Firing up!
Vivi (with distaste): And why are you here? Are you still tripping?
Zoro: No, I got over it. Now that I think about it, Canadians aren't the only ones who should be fired up! Usopp, Nami, now!
(Usopp and Nami leap from the shadows and chase after the woman who poisoned their pizza with 'shrooms.)
Vivi (screaming as she runs from their wrath): Can't you take a joke?
Zoro: Yeah, we're laughing it up, funny girl.
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Terms Explained
It is a well-known evil overlord fact that if the evil overlord in question happens to say anything along the lines of 'not getting any worse, blah, blah, blah' something worse will happen. It's all about cosmic justice
The author doesn't have any problems with peoples of any nation. You only mock the ones you love, Sarah and Tina!
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