Love Doesn’t End Just Because We Don’t See Each Other  
Track A  

“Riley, no, really, I…but I’m not really in the…Okay, fine, whatever. I’ll go find something…matching? Really, not a good idea…whatever…whatever…whatever.” Buffy hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment before turning to her best friend. The look on the other woman’s face said it all. 

“Buffy, I don’t mean to pry, but um…what just happened?” Willow was worried about her friend. Not just worried in the ‘she’s the Slayer something bad’s coming’ sense, but about the shell she built around herself in the thirteen months since high school graduation. The Buffy she remembered would never have given in to whatever Riley had wanted her to do that easily, especially if she hadn’t wanted to do it. 

But the Buffy she knew, the Buffy everyone who mattered knew, had disappeared some months ago, right about the time her vampire lover had left for all things Los Angeles. 

“Huh?” Buffy hadn’t heard what Willow had said; too intent on wondering where her resolve had disappeared to, her hand unconsciously caressing the scar adorning the right side of her neck. The scar that Riley never asked about and she had never told him about, despite the half-truths she had managed. The one Riley avoided no matter how many times they had made love. 

Or was it just having sex? Could you make love with someone you didn’t love despite the tenderness of the situation? 

“Oh, right. You know that mid-summer party we’re going to? Seems it’s a…costume party and Riley wants us to wear…matching…ones.” 

Willow frowned. Maybe the Riley thing wasn’t as good an idea as Buffy thought. But, as her best friend, it was Willow’s bound and sworn duty to support whatever decision her friend made. Willow wondered if that meant the really bad ones, too. She’d have to think about that; there was something to be said for honesty after all. Sure, Riley had originally been her idea, but…a woman was allowed to change her mind, wasn’t she? 

Willow wondered if she should tell Buffy about the guilt that ate away at her because she’d pushed her best friend into this relationship with Riley, but decided against it. 

“Oh, Buffy, I really don’t think that’s a good idea. I mean we all know what happened last time, right? And the time before that, yeah, remember the time before that? I’m suddenly thinking, now that I know I need one,” Willow went on in a ramble that echoed Buffy’s thoughts, “Of making my own costume, nothing supernatural there, just a sewing machine, some material I may not even buy in Sunnydale, and no chance of spells attached whatsoever.” 

“Yeah, I was suddenly thinking the same thing. Or, well, having my mother do it at least.” She didn’t look happy about the situation at all. What was wrong with her? 

Deciding that honesty was the best policy, Willow asked, “Um, Buffy, why are you seeing Riley?” 

“What? Willow, what do you mean? He asked me out last semester,” She frowned at her words. Even to her, they sounded hollow and trite. 

“And…?” Surely there had to be more to it than that. Some little bit more, maybe? When Buffy said nothing, Willow tried again. “What happened, Buffy? I mean from your half of the conversation alone, I didn’t get the picture that you were all that excited about it and…and,” Willow frowned, her hands still gesturing wildly. “Why aren’t you excited over Riley?” 

Shrugging, she had no answer for either of them Buffy said, “It just seemed easier to go with the flow, to just agree, so he’d stop badgering me about it.” 

“Okay, total shock here.” And Willow’s voice as well as her face reflected that shock “Where’s the Buffy Summers I know and love?” But they both knew the answer to that. “Buffy, I know things have been…hard on you, I know that you aren’t exactly the person you were…a few…months ago.” Angel’s name was more or less taboo lately, ever since the ‘Faith Incident,’ and now it seemed even bringing up high school depressed Buffy as she usually thought about him. 

“But, Buffy, this is what you wanted, remember?” 

“Is it? I don’t know what I want anymore.” Yes she did, and he was unavailable. 

“Normalcy? Daylight walks? Any of those things ring a bell?” 

“No fair throwing my own words back at me, Will. I know, I know, and I thought that was what I wanted, but…but…” It wasn’t. It was what everyone else thought she should have and wanted her to have. So it became what she agreed with. They wanted her to have these things, so she said she wanted those things. 

“But it’s not?” Willow asked and took her life in her own hands as she voiced the next words. She didn’t want to, after all Riley was human, he wasn’t a monster, he wasn’t going to lose his soul in a moment of happiness, he wasn’t going to life forever when Buffy would most likely die a young death.

“Riley is nice, but not Angel? Riley is sweet and kind and a little goofy, but he doesn’t make your heart skip a beat at the mere mention of his name? Even though he knows what and who you are, he still can’t understand the basic nature of your personality?” 

And wow, now that she was saying all these things, why hadn’t Willow thought of them before? Why hadn’t she thought of them when she was pushing Buffy and Angel apart, or Buffy and Riley together? She was a bad, bad friend. “He can’t make you feel better just by smiling that little half smile at you? Can’t calm your fears just by holding you?” 

Shocked, stunned, flabbergasted, Buffy could only stutter, “Willow, I thought you liked Riley.” 

“I do,” Willow shrugged, deciding that yes, honesty was for the best and now that she thought on the words she’d just uttered, they really did make sense. “But he’s not what you need. You need Angel, everyone knows that. With the possible exception of Xander, but I think he sees it and just denies Everything Angel. You need Angel, Angel needs you, and why you’re miles apart is anyone’s best guess.” 

And it truly was, she and Cordelia, despite the infrequency of their talks, pondered this same question every time they chatted. It was one of the great mysteries of the world, and they both had a sneaking suspicion that even the key players in the story didn’t know the whole reason they had decided being apart was the best answer. 

Granted, bad things tended to happen when Buffy and Angel were together, but there had to be a way around it, right? If you could do something, then you could undo something. Therefore, if you could curse a vampire with a soul – something that was so antithetical to a vampire’s very nature in the first place, but obviously accomplishable – then you had to be able to undo that curse…without actually undoing the curse. 

Undoing Angel’s curse led to Buffy’s tears and near mental breakdown and dead fish. But that wasn’t the point. 

The point was that there had to be a way to undo the clause in the curse. Willow had yet to find it, despite nearly a year and a half of searching, but the answer had to be somewhere. Of that she was sure. 

Buffy stood and went to the window behind her couch, staring unseeing out at the bright sunny day. “You know why. Everyone does. It’s so hard to be around him, knowing that I can’t touch him without checking myself lest it goes too far. I just don’t have that kind of willpower, Will, and despite what he says, neither does he. For a while I fooled myself into thinking that we could make it even without that aspect of our physical relationship, but…” 

“Coward.” At Buffy’s startled look, Willow elaborated. “I never thought I’d see the day when my best friend turned coward because of something. I’m a little disappointed. And, duh, we all know why you chose first Parker the Poophead then Riley.” Yeah, so she was conveniently forgetting that she pushed Buffy towards both men. Memory modification was a wonderful thing, especially in hindsight. 

“Wha-? Willow, what do you mean?” 

Looking at her as if the answer were beyond obvious, Willow sighed mightily and explained, “It’s simple. You wanted a normal relationship, you didn’t care with whom, and you convinced yourself that this,” Willow slapped her fist against the floor, “Is what you wanted, and by God you were going to have it. I’m not sure why, Slayer plus normal aren’t exactly a solvable equation. More like a complex quad…” She trailed off when her friend started to get that glazed look in her eye. 

“Okay, off topic here. What I mean is; Riley epitomizes everything you think you should want in life. But it’s, no, he’s not it. Not what you want, not who you want. We, Giles, to an extent Xander, me, even Tara, though she’s never met Angel or seen you together, we’ve all seen this and since it’s what you want, then we’re trying to be supportive. See?” 

The fact that at one point they all – with the notable exception of Tara – browbeat her into breaking things off with Angel meant little at the moment. This was a Cheer Buffy Up talk, and since the only things that really ever cheered Buffy up was Angel, Willow decided it was past time to get over her own feelings on the matter and be the best friend she claimed to be. 

Buffy nodded; she did, absolutely. It didn’t make anything easier, didn’t ease the ache of missing the only man she’d ever love, didn’t fill the gapping hole inside her that he had left, but she understood. And, maybe, with that, understood a little of what Angel had wanted for her. Smiling, grateful for their support even though everyone knew she was miserable, Buffy walked over to her friend and hugged her. 

“Thanks, Will. That means more to me than you could know.” 

They sat that way for a bit, letting the silence wrap around them. Finally Buffy jerked away, “Oh, God!” 

Alarmed, confused, Willow looked around for whatever evil had just popped up in the Summers’ sunny living room. It did have this tendency to do that. “What?” She asked when nothing noticeable showed signs of being evil, “Buffy, what is it?” 

“You have to come with me!” 

“With you? Where?” 

“Costume shopping,” She groaned. 

Smirking, Willow agreed. “Okay, but you owe me big time, sister. And I’m not buying a costume, I’m still of the making it on my own opinion.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Track A  

Twenty minutes later Riley walked through the opened door in the Summers’ house – that was incredibly dangerous; didn’t they know that anyone could just walk through? Yes, of course they did, so why was the door opened? – looking at the blonde woman sitting on the floor with her redheaded friend going through pictures. 

He couldn’t see what they were about, as they quickly closed the album, shoved the huge bag under the album, which obviously came from under the couch, and stood. But they were both grinning, and if he had looked closely at either one of them, he would have noticed the faint sheen of tears in their eyes. 

But when it came to Buffy he had this veil over his eyes, the one that only allowed him to see what he wanted in a girlfriend, what she allowed him to see, not what was truly there. The one that allowed him to see the affection and caring she shone on him and mistake it for love. The one that gloated that she sent her ex-vampire lover away and stayed with him because he was what and who she needed. 

It never allowed him to see her misery, not because he was blind to everything that didn’t concern him, but because he just didn’t understand things that weren’t black and white. Despite the progress he had made the gray areas of life, death and beyond, there were some things he could never truly grasp, never truly understand as a concept, let alone as reality. 

He was, despite the life he chose to lead and the darkness he fought, an old-fashioned all-American boy who never understood that darkness and therefore couldn’t fully grasp its true meaning. 

And because of that, he could never truly understand the woman he was in love with because he didn’t understand her nature. 

Amy the Rat took that opportunity to squeal in her cage and both girls looked over. She was going crazy, jumping back and forth, and crawling all around. Willow had asked Buffy to watch her for a few days while she re-did her childhood room, so Amy and all her attachments were sitting in the living room as well. 

Willow walked to her almost friend and checked the water level in the bottle. “Sorry, Amy,” She said to the rat, “But dinner time isn’t for a little while longer yet.” 

Riley tore his gaze away from a disinterested Buffy to look at Willow. “You named your rat Amy?” And why hadn’t he known that before? 

“Uh, ha, yeah.” The friends shared an uncomfortable look before Willow grabbed her bag and said as brightly as she could manage, “Well, ready for some costume shopping?”

“You’re coming with us?” The tone was politely surprised, but his body clearly stated that he had wanted to be alone with Buffy. 

“Yeah, Willow needs a costume, too.” Then, because she, too, caught the look on the boy’s face (why couldn’t she call him a man?) Buffy hastily added, “You don’t mind, do you?” 

Riley’s mother had raised him right, so manners outweighed disappointment. “No, not at all.” Smiling, he pushed his floppy hair out of his eyes and said, “Ready then?” 

They were walking down the main street of Sunnydale, the only street other than the mall that had anything of value to sell, when Willow asked, “Where are we going? ‘Party Town’ is at the mall.” 

“Oh, this new place I heard about.” 

Both Willow and Buffy paused in their steps, but Riley didn’t seem to notice because they glanced at each other quickly and caught up with him. “Um, new?” Willow squeaked, shooting a look at her friend. 

“It’s…it’s not called, Ethan’s, by any chance, is it?” Buffy had a hard time imagining Ethan Rayne setting up shop with the same tricks he had used two Halloween’s ago and it was the middle of summer, not even remotely close to Halloween. Plus, he was supposedly in the custody of the government, but that man was a perpetual pain in her ass, and she didn’t trust anything or anyone to hold him. 

“What? No, I think it’s called ‘Perchance to Dream,’ why?” Riley was confused yet didn’t pick on the reference between ‘Ethan’s’ and Ethan Rayne. He knew, however, that both Buffy and Willow dealt with things on a daily basis that he hadn’t heard about until a few years ago. And they had lived here much longer than he had, so it only made sense that they would know more about the intricacies of the town than he. 

“Oh, ha, no reason, uh…” Buffy couldn’t think of anything, her mind had flashed to an Angel moment and she was struggling with that, not focusing on the boy – man damn it – beside her. 

Willow covered, though. “Uh, his selection was less than…and he charged outrageous prices.” She was nodding her head, trying to cover her lack of information with innocence and enthusiasm. 

‘Perchance to Dream’ was nothing like ‘Ethan’s.’ For one, there was a complete lack of Ethan Rayne. That alone brought it up to human level for them. Riley headed straight for the back, seemingly intent on his choice which must have been made before they even arrived. Buffy and Willow took the break to look around. 

Seeing a bagged ghost costume, Willow laughed. “I could always go as a ghost, you know.” 

Laughing Buffy disagreed. “No, I think that would probably not work out in your favor. Unless, you know, you needed to walk through walls again and scare the life out of Giles.” 

Grinning they continued to look around, laughing at the army outfit, remembering Xander’s costume, the cat suit Cordelia wore. Though it had only been two years and certainly not the strangest thing that had ever happened to them, they found themselves looking back on that holiday somewhat fondly; from the safe perspective of hindsight. 

“Do you remember when Snyder coerced us into helping those poor kids?” 

“Yeah, have I mentioned that I’m kind of glad he got eaten by a giant snake?” 

“Willow!” But a slight chuckle escaped Buffy. “I really wish you could have seen that, it was classic. Not that I wanted the little troll dead, but…” 

They trailed off, silent now, as they remembered the rest of that night. The death and destruction, the loss of friends and classmates. Angel’s departure… 

“Buffy, hey, there you are.” Riley looked please with himself and was holding two costumes by their hangers. They were hidden behind a rack of makeup, though, as if he were purposely trying to surprise her. How odd… 

“Riley,” Buffy said a little surprised. She had been so intent on her memories that she had forgotten about him. It had been happening more and more often lately and while she supposed she should have been worried, she couldn’t work up that much energy. She couldn’t work up that much energy for anything expect slaying. 

“I got our costumes, want to see them?” Without waiting to hear or even see her reaction, Riley unveiled them. 

To the stunned silence of his audience of two. 

“Um, Riley,” Willow said, trying to think of something and be at least a little diplomatic at the same time, but found she couldn’t. 

Buffy was beyond shocked, “A nineteenth century Victorian dandy?” 

Willow looked at her friend, the choice of words coming from her mouth startling. Willow hadn’t thought that Buffy knew what a dandy was let alone the time period…then again; maybe Angel had helped her with her history occasionally – if anyone should know that time period, it was him. 

Grinning like a fool that she had recognized his clothes, but missing the shocked semi-disdain and not catching the full meaning of the word (he was a psyche major, not a history one), Riley pulled her costume from behind the makeup rack. It was a long green dress, low cut bodice, full-length sleeves with fake lace trim, and hoped skirts; something like Scarlet would have worn while trying to entice Rhett. 

Buffy was speechless; she wasn’t entirely sure it was Victorian, but it was…something. “Ah, Riley, I don’t think…” 

Willow was even more adamant. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, really...really, really. I mean…we all know what happened last time, Buffy.” Willow’s words were adamant but her eyes were glued to the dress in front of them in fascinated horror. Though the costume merely hung there, it screamed bad news. In bright bold neon letters aimed directly at Buffy. 

“What happened last time? You wore a dress like this before?” Riley was confused. Sure he didn’t know everything about Buffy, but he thought he’d know something like this. Especially since it had both girls more than a little freaked. 

“I just…I just…Um, I can’t wear something like that. Um, it’s not my color and, and, and…” She looked at her best friend, desperate for help. Willow was none, though, but tried valiantly. 

However, neither could come up with a viable excuse and were too frozen to think of another option. So Riley rented the outfits and they left the store. He was completely oblivious to their reactions and more disappointed than concerned – everyone had gotten good at lying to Riley – when they opted out of the espresso idea and decided to head to Giles’ instead. 

Turning down his offer to join them, they said that Giles was going through a little depression time and just needed his friends, Buffy grabbed her costume dress and they headed to her mentor’s house. 

And all three missed the calculating look the shopkeeper gave the blonde as she stepped from behind the curtain. It wasn’t malevolent, no, just…shrewd. As if remembering something that had once happened…or something that was about to.

Prologue        Part 2

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