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Here we will discuss FVLA sporting events and other school-related activities.

    November 28

The 2002-2003 Basketball Season began this past weekend in Fulton, Illinois. Shockingly, the team left Fulton with a 0-2 record. Ranieri, Bernau, and Woock are proven team leaders and were recently selected to be team captains, and such. The outcome of this tournament leads us to believe that this upcoming season may be a "rocky one" (No relation to Rao). Basketball wasn't on the minds of some of the attendees. Bill Crane, for example, had his significant other on his mind. While speaking with his beloved wife, Bill was asked by a team member if he was interested in renting a good flick by the name of "BARELY LEGAL". For those of you who have not drawn any conclusions by the title, the movie was basically glorified pornography, and such. Bill exclaimed: "Why do I need to rent it when I can get it for free at home?!?" According to one of Bill's roomates, Ol' Crane likes to get out of bed in the morning (donning his black briefs and nothing else) and stand in front of the wall for several minutes. He then opens the curtains still in his underpants. Then, to top it off, Bill makes a triumphant jump back on his bed. It shall be noted that Bill's roomates are currently undergoing therapy due to this tramatic incident. Continuing the topic of basketball..lots of "deuces" were dropped Tuesday shortly after the team had a mid-day meal at the King Buffet in Clinton, Iowa. Many of the team members complained of abdominal pain subsequent to their meal. One of the chaperones, Tom Jones, even stated to an anonymous fine Falcon athlete that he was planning to "drop a deuce". To summarize this synopsis of events, there was more shitting then shooting, if you know what I mean.

    October 29

Al-Fuvla is pleased, I mean disappointed, to report that the Volleyball team was defeated at the regional tournament. David Kuhfahl could not be reached for comment, and such. It was discovered that Bill Crane returned to the pasture today, where he will be until next season. Good day.

    October 24

The regular season for volleyball is officially over and the record for the team was a subpar if not disappointing 2-13 (approx). The team will be losing three key members Jessica Rehberg, with her amazing display of athleticism among other things, Megan Huffstutler, with her sets that, because of her vertical handicap, seemed to come out of nowhere, and Zelda Liu, whose court presence exceeds the greatest volleyball players. Through the loss, however, we can catch glimpses of astonishment to come by the underclassman, Ashleigh Mounger, who will keep the hope alive for the falcons.

    September 16

Basketball Star Matt Ranieri has been injured. At the time of this update, Ranieri was uncertain how long he will be out, and is unsure whether or not todays pen-poking incident by Sam DuBose will influence his doctor's opinion