Well, after a long break, I think I'm back! I hope so, anyway! Writers Block kept this from coming along as I would like it, so it took longer. But it's here now, another part for your enjoyment. Again, I hope!

Thanks again for all of the feedback I've received for my other stories, the first four parts of this story, and the encouragement I find in my Inbox almost every time I check my mail, to write more. I'm glad you all are enjoying this!

If you really do like what you're reading, please, let me know. Even if you don't like it, and have a specific reason for not liking it, whatever that may be, please let me know! Messages like "It sucked" will just get trashed without a second thought. Messages like "I didn't like this part because will be thoroughly looked at and considered, as well as appreciated. I'm still learning here, and anyone who can teach me anything, I'd be happy to hear from!

Another perk of e-mailing me your thoughts, is that I'll let you know when the next parts come up. That way if you're looking forward to reading the next part (and I love you for that!), I'll let you know, so you don't have to just keep checking the site. Just to make your life a little bit easier!

I'm sure you already know what the disclaimer says, so if you want to read it again, it's at the top of part one. I just don't feel like typing it out every time.

Now that we have all of the housekeeping out of the way, here's the story!

Kathryn spent most of the afternoon trying to talk herself out of what had been happening lately between her and Tom. She couldn't fall in love with him, wouldn't allow herself to get hurt like that. They needed each other too much, for the sake of the children, to allow themselves to damage this odd relationship. And, as difficult as it was, and though she had said it before, she couldn't let him kiss her again.

No, Tom's kisses were too addicting, too distracting for her to allow them to continue. She leaned against the wall in her room, wondering now she could have gotten herself into this mess. Looking forward to, yet dreading Tom's kisses. The pleasure just wasn't worth the emotional turmoil they seemed to cause.

Briefly, Chakotay's face came to her mind, a flash of his handsome features, his deep eyes. What was she doing to him? Leading him along, like she had been ever since they first met. Allowing him to hope there would be a time she would come to him, when in all honestly, she was beginning to believe that time would never come.

How likely was it, now that was having children with Tom, that she could have anything resembling a normal relationship with Chakotay? Sharing children with Tom would make it difficult to have a future with him anyone else.

A thought came to her mind, and she turned it over, thinking about it. And almost instantly, she had her answer. She could live without Chakotay. She could let him go on with his life, without too much pain in her heart.

She needed. Chakotay as a friend, that much she knew. But as more that a friend, as a boyfriend, lover, husband, in those respects, she knew she was just playing with his heart.

And she knew she needed to tell him. She groaned. Their relationship was just beginning to recover from the blow of her pregnancy. Her new association with Tom. How many difficult conversations must she have with the man in such a short period of time?

Absently, she glanced at the clock on the wall, and the glowing red numbers pulled her back to the reality of the fact she was on duty in about five minutes.

She stood up from where she was leaning against the wall, just about the same time Tom knocked on her door. "Come in," she called, pulling a uniform form her closet as Tom came in.

"Oh, you're not ready..' Tom said, surprise evident in his voice.

"Go on ahead," she said, reaching for her boots. "I'll be there in a minute she said, encouraging him to forgo their usual habit of walking together when they shared a shift.

The door closed as he left, and she struggled to change quickly. Finally pulling on her boots, she brushed her hair as she headed for the bathroom to makes sure everything looked okay before she left.

She stood in front of the mirror, just not feeling quite right. Ah thought struck her and she turned, staring at the profile of her body in the glass. She sighed, realizing it was just about time she began wearing the new uniform she had replicated. Starfleet uniforms were just not designed to accommodate four months of pregnancy.

She hadn't notice before how much tighter the material had gotten across her waistline, but she rally didn't have the time to change. Not if she wanted to avoid explaining why she was late for her duty shift to Chakotay and Tuvok. She touched up her lipstick, and headed out the door at a brisk walk.

Though she was tired by the time her shift was over, Kathryn didn't want to put off her conversation with Chakotay if she didn't have to. "Computer, located Commander Chakotay," she said once she was alone in the turbolift.

The computer responded promptly with the deck his quarters were on, a section about 2 sections from his room. She waited a few moments, then asked again. Only one section away now. Knowing he was awake, that she wouldn't run the risk of waking him, she activated her commbadge. "Janeway to Chakotay."

"What can I do for you, Captain?" he asked when he answered.

She took a breath, gathering her courage. "Do you mind talking for while?" she asked.

"Not at all," he said. "Where do you want to meet?"

She thought for a moment. This was going to be hard enough on him, might as well let him be a little more comfortable. "Mind if I come over? she asked, hoping her voice wouldn’t betray the dread she was actually feeling.

"Sure, come on over," he invited.

"I'll change and be right there," she agreed. "Janeway out."

Five minutes later, dressed in stretchy blue pants and a cream sweater, she rang his doorchime.

"Come in," he called, and she went in to meet him where he stood near his couch. "Have a seat," he offered, sitting when she did. "Now what can I do for you?"

"We need to talk," she said seriously. The smile on his face slowly faded.

"This is serious, isn't it," he guessed, taking in the way she spoke.

She nodded unhappily. "I really haven't been fair to you," she began, staring at her hands clenched tightly in her lap. "I've been stringing you along all this time. I'm just sorry it took me this long to come talk to you about this."

Chakotay looked confused. "What is this about?" he asked, He reached for her hands, taking both of them onto his knees, and carefully began massaging the tight muscles, forcing her to relax.

She looked up at him, her eyes shiny, though she wouldn't acknowledge the tears. She couldn't let him see that this hurt her, too. Blinking once, the tears were gone, but she still felt them as a tightness in the back of her throat, a stinging behind her eyes. She really didn't want to hurt him. "I know you still have feelings for me," she said. "I know you haven't let go of that, even with all that's happened these past few months."

He nodded slowly, his agreement confirming her suspicions. "I can't," he said. "I've loved you from the first time I met you."

She raised an eyebrow at that.

He shrugged, "Okay, since the first time I talked to you, face to face."

She accepted that a little more readily, but had to continue. "And you've been waiting, all this time, in the hopes that I would...move beyond Starfleets rules and be with you?"

"I prefer to think of it as you would stop hiding behind regulations that have no basis out here."

"You think that the rules we've been following shouldn't be followed?" she asked, feeling her temper flaring. This was not the reason she came here.

"No, I didn't say that," he clarified. "I merely mean that not all of Starfleet's rules apply here. "You said so yourself, this may well become a generational ship. That it will have to, if anyone but Tuvok and Vorik will live long enough to get us home. That means that some rules are going to have to be bent, concerning who can and can't have relationships among the crew."

She nodded slowly, seeing his point. "I don't have a problem with anyone else on this ship pursuing a relationship with anyone else. I do have a problem with me getting involved, though." She paused. "And it isn't fair for you to wait for me to change my mind." She turned her hands, taking his in her own. "It isn't fair to you. You should go, find someone you can love. Who can love you back," she emphasized. She didn't want this to hurt him, but had to say it. "You can't wait around forever for me to decide that my having a relationship is finally okay. I can't guarantee who I'll choose, if that becomes the case."

She saw him pale, felt the tightness in the hands she held. Her tears returned, and no amount of blinking could keep them from falling, seeing the look of anguish on his face. "I never meant to hurt you," she whispered, her voice tight. "I just can't lead you on like this anymore."

He nodded, gently pulling his hands from hers.

She stood. "I should go," she said.

"Kathryn," he said, his voice choked with unshed tears. He stood beside her.

She looked up at him, saw the tears running down his face. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She placed a hand on his shoulder for balance, the stretched up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. Then she turned and left.

She tasted his tears on her lips as she ran to her quarters, where her own tears fell, their salty taste mingling as she she cried herself to sleep.