Once again, the characters, ship, etc aren't mine. If they were, I wouldn't be sitting right here, but that's another story for another day! I'm not making any money off of this, I do it only becuase I like to, and it's either this or Psychology homework, and I like to procrastinate!

This is a story I wrote in response to the JuPiter Station's Narrative Challenge #55: What if Janeway was pregnant at the end of "Threshold"?

The first sensation that registered when Captain Janeway opened her eyes was the blinding light coming from above her. She groaned, squeezing her eyes shut and rolling to one side to avoid the glaring light. And she nearly rolled right off the biobed.

Fortunately, the doctor was there, blocking her fall and helping her back onto the bed.

"Where am I?" she asked groggily, not recognizing her own voice.

"You�re in Sickbay," the doctor answered, wondering why everyone had to use the same, overworked line when awaking.

Janeway struggled to sit up, opening her eyes again, this time fighting to keep them open. "What happened?" she asked, wondering why she was even there.

"Tell me what you remember," the Doctor directed, scanning his tricorder over her.

She began recounting the events of just a few days before, how Tom Paris was determined to break the Warp Barrier, and his plans for doing so.

"And after the mission," the doctor interrupted, fast-forwarding her memories.

"He came back to the ship," she explained slowly. "Then took me back to the planet."

"And do you remember what happened after you crash-landed on the planet?" he asked.

She thought for a moment. "Everything was so clear then," she murmured. "Not just my memories, but everything about life. I could see the ship, I could see Earth...but I was different. I was--" She trailed off, not knowing what she meant.

"Evolved?" the Doctor supplied.

Janeway nodded. "Yes," she answered, understanding. "It�s fading, but I was...a lizard," she finished with an absurd laugh.

"And while you and Mr. Paris were lizards," the doctor said, �What happened?"

Janeway struggled to remember, and the images that came to mind made her blush bright crimson. "I...we..." she trailed off, shocked at what her brain was telling her happened. �Did we..." she asked, wondering if her memories were right.

�It does appear," the doctor began slowly. �That you did mate with Mr. Paris. Or his lizard form," he said, answering her unspoken question. Janeway sighed, laying back down on the biobed.

�Why do I get the feeling that you aren�t telling me everything?" she asked, disliking the feeling of foreboding she felt.

�There is a slight...lasting result of your mating," the doctor said, continuing to scan her.

�Doctor?" Janeway pressed, not wanting to be kept in suspense any longer.

�I must inform you, Captain, that you are pregnant. With Tom Paris' children."

Janeway felt her jaw drop and her eyes widen. �How is that possible?" she asked.

�I assure you, they are human,�Ehe said. �As for the biological possibility of this, when I changed your DNA pattern, it affected the fetuses, as well. They will be fully human, though you might have a challenge explaining their conception to them in a few years."

Janeway furrowed her brow, uncertain of one detail. �Why do you keep saying �them'?" she asked, not looking forward to the answer.

�Congratulations, Captain," the doctor said with a smile. �You�re having triplets."

And though she would deny it later, Kathryn Janeway fainted.

�Are you alright?" the doctor asked as Janeway awoke for the second time in Sickbay.

She groaned again, remembering what the doctor told her minutes before. She didn�t answer him.

�Is there anything I can do for you?" the doctor asked, his manner softening somewhat.

Janeway quickly shook her head, but stopped as she thought of something. �Actually, doctor, I would appreciate it if you wouldn�t mention this to anyone," she said. �I�d like to handle this myself."

The doctor nodded once. �Of course," he agreed before turning to head to his office. He turned back around when Janeway called him back.

�You say I�m going to have triplets?" she clarified slowly. He nodded.

�Can you tell what sex they will be yet?" she wondered.

The doctor smiled, once again reaching for his tricorder. �Two boys and a girl," he announced proudly.

�Thank you," she said, the sense of awe returning. �But when can I get out of here?"

�Give me another hour to make sure everything�s back to normal," he said.

Janeway raised an eyebrow. �And how," she wanted to know, �Is this normal?"

�As normal as can be under the circumstances then," he amended, then returned to the task of finishing his tests.

Two hours later, changed into a pair of casual black pants and a red sweater, Janeway ran the chime at Tom Paris�s door. She still didn�t know what she was going to tell him. Or Chakotay, or Tuvok, for that matter. But this was something that she had to tell someone, and Tom had a definite right to know. This wasn�t news she could keep from him in any sense of fairness.

�Come in," he called, faster than she was ready for. But she squared her shoulders, walking through the parted doors.

�Captain," Tom said in surprise when he saw her.

�What can I do for you?" he recovered quickly.

�We need to talk," Janeway heard herself say, and wondered why she was using the tired line.

Tom nodded nervously. �I suppose I should apologize,�Ehe began once they were seated on his couch. �I�m sorry. It never should have happened" he stopped when Janeway interrupted him.

�Tom," she broke in. �It�s not your fault. We all encouraged you to take this flight, there were unexpected side effects. And what you and I did on the planet...well, we weren�t ourselves, now were we?" she asked with a weak smile.

Tom nodded. �I just feel guilty..." Janeway interrupted him again.

�You don�t need to apologize," she insisted.

He nodded again. �You�re right," he said. �We should just put this behind us"

Janeway smiled apologetically as she interrupted him again.

�We can�t exactly do that," she said grimly.

�Why not?" a very confused Tom Paris asked.

She had been debating how to tell him her news all afternoon, and still didn�t know what the best approach would be. She just blurted it out. �Tom, I�m pregnant," she said quickly.

He just looked at her, not comprehending. Why would this be so difficult for her to tell him, especially if they were going to put what happened on the planet behind them, he wondered. Then a possibility dawned on him. �Am I..." he asked, shock making him unable to finish the question.

Janeway stared at her hands, folded in her lap as she nodded miserably. �The doctor assures me they will be completely human, and will arrive in approximately nine months," she said quietly.

Tom whistled. Somehow, he didn�t expect the conversation to take this twist. He turned her words over in his mind, one word catching his attention, not quite making sense. �They?" he asked, something near panic in his voice.

Janeway looked up, still miserable, meeting his gaze. �Congratulations, dad," she said unhappily. �Triplets."

Tom paced in his quarters, his thoughts chasing themselves recklessly through his mind. Janeway had left an hour before, and Tom was still having a hard time believing what she had said. Oh, he knew there was truth to it, it just wasn�t sinking into his brain.

His captain was pregnant with his triplets after he achieved warp 10 and evolved. He kidnapped her, hit warp 10 again, and crash-landed on a planet, where their evolution was completed. They had mated in their evolved forms, and now she was pregnant. He didn�t envy Janeway her official captain�s logs right then. But he would like to see the face of the admiral that reviewed those logs when they got home. Perhaps his father...

With that thought, Tom once again drifted into thoughts of his father. What would his reaction be to the events of the past few weeks? Tom had broken theoretical impossibilities, had achieved warp 10. Warp 10.

Even Admiral Paris couldn�t frown on that, couldn�t expect him to do better. But on the other hand, he had gotten his captain pregnant. That was not only probably against some Starfleet rule, but Kathryn Janeway was Admiral Paris' prot�ge Tom knew what he would see if he could see the look on the Admiral�s face when he found out. That look of disappointment, and anger. �How could you have messed up this bad?" he would ask. And, if both pieces of information were given to him at the same time, warp 10 would be overlooked. Oh, there might be a �congratulations" before he started in on how stupid he was for the other half of the situation.

Tom shook his head, not wanting to go into those thoughts any deeper. When would he free himself from his father, become his own man, uncaring what the other man thought?

And what was he going to do about Janeway?

And what was Janeway herself going to do? She, too, paced in her quarters, thoughts speeding through her brain with no particular order. Back home, four hundred years earlier, she could expect Tom to show up with a ring and a marriage proposal, assuming the circumstances were at least somewhat normal.

Back home now, it wasn�t a problem to raise a child, or children, on her own. Her mother would help, and be delighted, and society in general wouldn�t care. But in the Delta Quadrant, on a small ship decades from home, there were no guidelines. Sure, the crew would stick by whatever solution she went with. But what was she going to do?

Terminating the pregnancy wasn�t an option. Even if this happened through no apparent fault of her own, she couldnt harm innocents. Voyager may not have been a place to raise children, but it was fast becoming necessary that they adapt.

Naomi Wildman had been the first born on the ship, but wouldn�t be the last. And Janeway didn�t feel that the birth of her own children would be the end, either. No, they had a long journey ahead of them, and children were bound to become part of their close-knit family.

But that still didn't explain what she was going to do now!

I'd like to thank everyone who gave me such great feedback on part one, and who kept encouraging me to get part 2 up! Here you go!

See Part 1 for disclaimer.

Spoilers (sort of) for "Threshold" and "Resolutions"--if you don't want to read anything that in any way mentions events of either of these episodes, turn back now! I also got a bit of information from Jeri Taylor's book, Mosaic. And yes, I know that "Resolutions" comes after "Threshold"...but we're doing this my way!

That night, tired from the emotions flooding her brain all day, Janeway sat down to make a list of everything she would need to do, and soon. She and Tom would need to talk about what they were going to do, and she had to find a way to tell Chakotay.

She knew that wouldn't be easy. How could she tell him this, without his feeling betrayed, like he had been put on hold, and now she was just hanging up on him? It was unfair of her, and downright unacceptable for her to just brush off all of his feelings, all of the years he had waited, hoping she would decide to attempt a relationship with him.

After all, how could she logically expect him to feel the same why about her, now that she was carrying another man's children? Tom Paris' children,. of all people. She knew Chakotay had his differences with the younger man, and that this could only do negative things to their already strained relationship.

She had an idea for how to deal with Tom, depending on how involved he chose to be in the lives of these children. And if she knew Tom, he would want to be there all the way. She knew he would be afraid of parenting. She was, too. After the childhood he'd had, the father he'd grown up fearing, it was understandable. But in it's own way, that made Tom that much better a candidate to be a good parent. He knew all of the mistakes, and would know what he would need to do to avoid making the same mistakes. And she knew Tom would be eager to try. But how long would that last?

That's why she didn't expect marriage. Tom settling down with anyone, her least of all, was a shocking idea. He wouldn't go for it. Even if his reputataion as a ladie's man was a little exaggerated, as she knew it had to be, he was still rather popular with the female portion of the crew, and she knew he wouldn't easily give all of that up. Especially not for her. She was the Captian, and far from what he was looking for, she was sure. No, any relationship they did have was going to have to be based solely on the needs of the children.

Her idea did involve them living together, however. Already she had designs in mind for quarters; a large suite that would have separate rooms for Tom and herself. And a nursery for the children, room for them to each have a room of their own once they were older. But how would Tom feel about parading all if his guests in front of her? There was no way they could coexist, expecially with her late nights, and his...entertaining. But, she mused, those late nights would have to stop, and soon. She knew she would have to get more sleep than she had in a long while.

The doctor had already given her several padds to look over, and she was fascinated.

She had always thought she might have children one day. It was every little girls' dream to have a family of her own, and as she got older, it became more real. Perhaps the most realistic it had become was when she had been engaged to Justin. Marrying then, it just seemed so right that children would come along in due time. Then came the accident, and she though all hopes of a family had died with Justin in that shuttle. Mark had come along awhile after that. She knew children were possible, though they never talked about it much, and each conversation they did have ended in fewer decisions, until finally she had known, close to the time she had left for Voyager's first mission, that he didn't really want children at all, that he was perfectly content to go through life without them.

Then, on Voyager, another opportunity had presented itself. Originally, she didn't think Voyager was the place for children, that there was no way she could bring a child into the world in such circumstances. The constant uncertainty, the battles, the danger. But then she had been stuck on New Earth with Chakotay, and everything had changed. If she was going to be trapped on a planet for the rest of her life, with only one other person, a man she could easily find herself attracted to, she knew she'd eventually fall in love with him. Heaven only knew, she had come close several times. The man was everything she had hoped for; strong, spiritual, deeply rooted--so many things that she found herself drawn to. But that was all in the past, now. Now, she had to tell him.

Janeway knew it was time she talked to Tom, that they needed to figure out just how they were going to handle this. They planned to meet in her quarters, just as soon as they both got off duty.

He was nervous when he showed up. So was she, but she managed to hide it.

"How do we want to handle this?" she had asked, without preamble, knowing small talk would be pointless. "What do we want to do?"

"I want to be there," Tom answered, almost immediately. "I don't know how we can work this out, but I want to be there, to help. I want to see thier first smiles, catch them with their first steps," he paused, and she thought she saw tears in his eyes. He blinked, and they were gone. "I want to comfort them when they cry," he said softly. He looked up, his eyes finding hers. "Please," he said, almost begging. "Let me be there, somehow."

Janeway nodded. "I knew that's what you would want," she said with a soft smile. "I knew that you would want no less than everything." She stopped. "But then, I had to think about the logistics of everything. Am I supposed to call you every time they cry? If you're in your quarters when one takes a first step, there's no way you can get here in time to see it. And," she said with another smile, "I'm not going to take a holo-vid of everything." He smiled, and she continued. "So I came up with another idea."

He looked at her expectantly, accepting the padd she handed him. "What's this?" he asked, not understanding what he was looking at.

"Specs for new quarters," she answered. "We have a few empty rooms, just down the hall. We can do a bit of remodeling, and have our own quarters. Your room, my room, the kids' room."

Tom nodded slowly, then smiled. "Captain," he said, his cocky grin in place. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"

They spent the next hour or so talking, and Tom had a few more ideas to add to thier quarters. Deciding they should start building right away, Janeway knew that it was time she told Chakotay, and nervously, she set off to do so.

Kathryn rang Chakotay's doorchime, and just as with Tom, she didn't know what she was going to say.

"Come in," he called, and she walked in, hating herself for the nervousness she couldn't control.

"Captain," he said, a little surprised to see her. "What can I do for you?"

She sighed, taking the seat he offered her. "I thought you had a right to know," she began. "That Tom and I are moving in together." As soon as she said the words she cringed, knowing how they must sound.

She watched as shock, followed by anger, crossed his face. She explained further, hoping she wasn't just making things worse. "Remember when Tom and I were on that planet?" she asked. "When we...evolved?" she clarified. "Well, things..." she paused, not knowing how she could admit this, to Chakotay of all people.

Chakotay nodded slowly, looking like he wanted to say something, but he let her finish.

"Things...progressed down there," she said. "And I ended up mating with him." She couldn't bring herself to call it sex. It wasn't, really, it was natural, unavoidable in their situations. By his reaction, Chakotay didn't see it that way.

"So you spend a few days with him on a planet, and you're moving in together. Kathryn," he took her hand. "That kind of rash decision doesn't sound like you."

Kathryn shook her head. "It wasn't like that," she said desperately. "I'm pregnant. Tom and I want to raise these children together."

Chakotay was silent for a painfully long time. He nodded. "If that's what you want," he said finally. And she knew how much it hurt him to say that.

The next bridge shift, Janeway shared with both Tom and Chakotay, and it was torture. A strained silence encompassed the room, broken only by the soft sound of consoles working.

"Good morning," Chakotay had greeted her when he arrived, his tone forced. Tom never even looked up from his console.

Harry, Tuvok, and the rest of the bridge crew saw the tension between the three, but didn't say anything. It remained silent.

Janeway could see that Chakotay was upset about the entire situation. He was openly angry at Tom, and cold and distant to her. Tom didn't know what to do about Chakotay's anger, and simply ignored him. And he didn't know how he was supposed to act toward Janeway, either. And Janeway herself didn't know how she was supposed to react. She knew Chakotay was hurt, but couldn't do anything about it. And the whole situation with Tom made it impossible for her to act normal around him.

As the minutes ticked by slowly, Janeway prayed for the shift to end. But halfway through, it became too much for her. She stood, and felt all eyes turn to her. "Chakotay and Mr. Paris," she said. "In my ready room, now."

She could almost feel everyone else breathe a sigh of relief as the tension that had filled the bridge followed them into the ready room.

Once inside, Janeway took refuge behind her desk, motioning for the two men to take a seat. Tom sat in a chair on the opposite side of the desk, while Chakotay remained standing.

"Please sit down, Commander," Janeway said, more of an order than a request. He did, but wasn't happy about how close that put him to the younger man.

Janeway sighed. "This cannot go on," she said finally. "We have to work together on that bridge, no matter what happens to us personally," she said, her tone sharp. "All of our differences, our personal lives, do not enter that bridge," she said firmly. "Is that understood?"

They nodded solemnly.

"Good," she said. "Is there anything either of you would like to say, to each other, or to me?" she asked, still stern.

They shook thier heads in unison.

Janeway looked at them, her expression softening. "I know this isn't easy, for any of us." She paused. "None of us wanted this to happen, none of us could see it happening beforehand. But we have to live with the consequences of what has happened. And it's not going to be easy," she admitted. "For any of us."

Well, here it is, and only about a day late, too! Sorry--posting stuff doesn't work too well without access to a computer... But enjoy it, and tell me what you think! (PLEASE!)

Disclaimer in part one.

Captain Janeway sat on the couch, looking out at the stars. Usually, this helped calm her, helped her put everything in perspective. But not tonight. Tonight, the stars just helped to emphasize how much things had changed. Her quarters were now on the other side of the ship, and, though she couldn't see how, the streaking stars out her window seemed different somehow.

Everything, it seemed, was different. Just over three months along now, pregnancy didn't come easily to Kathryn Janeway. She was tired, hungry, moody and emotional, gaining weight, and throwing up early every afternoon. Nothing the doctor could give her stopped the nausea of her "morning sickness", and he said her weight gain was normal for the mother-to-be of triplets. All she could think about was the larger uniform she had already replicated, but hadn't worn yet.

Though she and Tom had started out only telling the Senior Staff, the information was quickly out as B'Elanna needed to assign people to the task of renovating quarters for Janeway and Paris. Somehow, she still wasn't sure how, the story had come out, and everyone knew. Oh, people were excited, Naomi, it seemed, most of all, but no one knew how to take the announcement. They had all heard of the incident in which Tom had kidnapped Janeway, but only a few had known about the evolution part of it all. After it was all explained, the rumors had stopped; truth, in this case, was stranger than anything anyone could make up.

Janeway was moved into the new quarters already, but she didn't like them much. Too much space for just one person, she felt. She didn't need Tom yet, but the room was too large for her by herself.

She looked around. The doors would open to a large room, one side occupied by the couch beneath the window on which she now sat. Across the large room was the entryway into the nursery, a room now bare. It looked a lot like Tom's room currently did, dull, unadorned, sterile-looking. His door was to the left of the nursery, across the room from her own.

Two weeks after Janeway moved in, Tom began moving his own belongings in. Chakotay, still upset by the entire situation, asked her why he was moving in already, with just over five months to go until her due date.

Her first instinct was to tell him that it was none of his business, that it didn't concern him in the slightest. But if they were ever going to repair their relationship, whatever that would be, she had to give a little.

"We need to start decorating," she said slowly. "And he wants to be there, through all of this," she added, thinking her first reason wasn't much of one. "He doesn't want to miss anything."

Chakotay didn't seem satisfied with the answer, but let it go, leaving her quarters for his bridge shift.

At first, they tiptoed around each other, being overly polite, spending hours alone in their respective rooms. Until one night Tom came in early, to find Janeway crying softly on the couch.

She tried to stand, planning to quickly escape to her room, but she still wasn't used to her three-month pregnant body, and it slowed her down. Long enough for Tom to see her tears, to question them.

"Kathryn, are you alright?" he asked, using her first name as she had asked him to when he first moved in. "It doesn't make sense for you to call me 'captain' when we're off duty," she had told him. "Especially when we're going to be spending so much time together. Call me Kathryn."

She nodded an answer to his questio, standing in the middle of the room, her arms wrapped tightly around her.

Not knowing what else to do, Tom closed the distance between them, pulling her into his embrace. She didn't return the hold he had on her, just allowed herself to be held.

"I can't pretend to know what you're going through," he whispered into her hair. "But I want to know."

A moment later she pulled out of his arms, looking into his eyes. "Alright," she said, moving to sit back down on the couch.

He followed, sitting close to her while still giving her space.

"I'm scared," she admitted softly. She needed his comfort then and moved a bit closer, laying her head on his shoulder. She didn't continue talking until his arms were wrapped securely around her. "You won't hear me saying this often, but I feel so alone, so scared," she said, shivering as a chill came over her. Wordlessly, Tom pulled a crocheted blanket from the back of the couch, tucking it gently around her.

Words poured out of her as he held her, all of her fears about becoming a mother, about getting Voyager home, about raising three children in a situation there was no precedent for, no one to learn from.

By the time she finished, she had tears streaming down her face, and his arms held her tightly.

Neither one said anything for a long time. Tom didn't know how to respond, Kathryn didn't have anything else to add.

"Tom," she finally said, breaking the silence. "Here." She pulled one of his hands from behind her back and laid it over the side of her stomach. They both waited, barely breathing, until Kathryn felt the tiny kick again. She looked up to Tom, seeing in his face that he had felt it too. Moving his other hand to her other side she said, "I just started feeling them a few days ago."

Tom couldn't say anything, couldn't keep the awe from his expression. She watched him intently, enjoying the shared experience.

"Thank you," he said suddenly, his voice soft. "Thank you for showing me this." He hesitated, then his eyes locked with hers.

He slowly bent closer, hesitating again when his lips were not quite touching hers, giving her a chance to pull away. When she didn't, he closed that small space, brushing his lips across hers softly, as delicate as the faint fluttering he still felt beneath the palms of his hands.

Kathryn closed her eyes as he kissed her again, and she kissed him back. She hadn't been kissed in so long, and his mouth on hers felt so good. His lips were soft and warm, he tasted sweet and right and wonderful.

He gently broke the contact, standing after staring into her eyes for a beat. "Kathryn, I'm sorry," he quickly apologized. "I didn't mean--"

"Tom," she interrupted. "It's alright. I know."

He helped her stand, then kissed her quickly on the forehead before she headed into her own room. "Goodnight," he told her as she neared her door.

"Goodnight, Tom," she said. Then the doors closed behind her, and she was left alone.

She changed for bed and climbed in, reflecting on that kiss. And she found she didn't regret it. She wouldn't let it happen again, but she silently thanked him for that gift. She had felt overwhelmingly lonely for so many weeks now, and for the first time, those feelings weren't plaguing her. She wasn't aware so much anymore the loneliness. And at least she was no longer a woman, 4 months pregnant, who hadn't been kissed in nearly three years.

She understood how the moment had almost demanded they kiss. Sharing the magic of the life inside her had led him to kiss her, had connected them. She didn't want to take back those moments she had spent locked in a caring embrace, her lips pressed sweetly to Tom's.

Kathryn was afraid that the kiss they shared the previous night would strain thier already tense lives with each other. But she was wrong. If anything, it made it stronger.

She walked into the living room to find Tom sprawled across a chair, raidng one of the padds he had taken to carrying around lately. Curious, she aked what he was reading.

He flushed, but told her. "Parenting stuff," he asnwered with a shrug. "Child raising, pregnancy, names," he elaborated.

She nodded, understanding what he meant. "I understand," she smiled. "I can't seem to stop reading them, feling like I have so much to learn, and only a few mohts to learn it all."

He nodded, then reached for her had. His was woamr over hers. "Are you feeling better this morning?" he asked.

"Much," she answered truthfully. "When are you on duty today?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Late shift. You?"

"Same," she answered, wondering why it seemed they could never keep track of each other's schedules. "Do you have any plans today?"

"Just more reading, I guess," he shrugged.

Janeway took a breath. "I was thinking we could get started on the nursery," she suggested. "Start replicating dressers and cribs, bassinetts and stuffed animals."

Tom smiled at her enthusiasm. "I'll finish this chapter while you get dressed," he said. "Then we can talk about colors and designs."

"Alright," Janeway agreed with another smile. She stood, pulling the silk bathrobe tighter around her.

She showered and dressed, coming out in a pair of loose brown pants and a brown and off-white plaid flannel shirt. She had the sleeves rolled to above her elbows, and had left the top two buttons open. Her feet were bare, her hair tied back in a loose braid.

Tom smiled when he saw her. "Ready to start?" he asked.

"Did you finish your chapter?" she returned. She nodded after he did. "Aright then," she smiled. "Let's go."

The walked into the nursery together, and Tom looked around. "This is kind of dull, isn't it?" he observed.

Janeway nodded, but she didn't really mind it. On several occasions, she had come into the nursery, simply to think about her future, their future, in this room. But it did need color.

Tom was definitely thinking along the same lines she was, because he asked, "Did you have a particular color scheme in mind?"

"Two boys and a girl," she mused. "I've always liked green."

Tom nodded. "Sounds good. Maybe some white, just to brighten things up?"

She agreed. "First step," she said with an enthusiastic grin, "Is paint."

He simply followed her as she went to the computer and pulled up dozens of rows of tiny green squares.

They debated past lime and forest greens, finally settling on a light, pastel shade. Kathryn narrowed it down to two, enlarging the two squares for further comparison. She turned to him. "What do you think?" she asked, moving the screen so he could see it better.

Staring at the screen, Tom knew he was in trouble. He knew she wanted him to decide between colors 30142 and 30145, but he couldn't tell a difference between the two. "How about his one?" he suggested, nervously choosing #30142.

Janeway smiled. I was hoping you would pick that one," she said.

Tom resisted the urge to look at her then, not knowing if he would be able to hold a straight face if he did.

She replicated paint, brushes, rollers, pans and a floor covering. Tom went to change, trading in his slacks for jeans and a battered T-shirt.

When he came back in, Janeway already had all of the supplies in the nursery, and was pouring green paint into two pans. It was then that Tom noticed the flecks of paint on the shoulders and arms of her flannel shirt.

She caught him looking and laughed. "This is what I wore when I helped Samantha paint Naomi's nursery awhile ago," she explained. "It seemed appropriate."

They painted in silence, turning the gray walls green with wide sweeping strokes of a roller, or careful, precise brush strokes along edges and corners.

"We'll probably need two coats," Kathryn said, standing back to look at the wall she had just finished.

Tom came up beside her. "I think you're right."

She laughed. "And I think you just got paint on your sleeve," she said, pointing to a large green streak on his shirt. "I think it's my fault!" she had crossed her arms in front of her, paintbrush still in hand, and he had brushed up against it.

"Well, that isn't exactly fair, now is it?" he asked, a mischevious glint in his eye. Before she could jump back out of the way, he had painted a matching streak on her arm.

She laughed. "That wasn't smart, Tom," she bantered, reaching for the roller she had abandoned minutes before. She didn't stop rolling it across his back until the white T-shirt was decidedly green.

It was Tom's turn to smile when she finally put it down admiring her work. He reloaded his paintbrush, using it to fling drops of paint on her. She naturally retaliated, and soon they were laughing too hard to continue, both covered in paint. Kathryn had it in her hair, on her face, splattered across her shirt and pants. Tom's back was green, and he had crisscrossing lines of paint on his jeans, his face matching hers.

Tom took her hand to pull her to her feet, only he didn't stop back as he helped her up. This brought their bodies close together, and she could feel the warmth of his body against her slightly protruding stomach. She quickly took a step back.

"Sorry," she apologized with an embarrassed smile. "I'm probably a little heavier than you expected." She was laughing at the situation, but she wouldn't meet his eyes.

Tom took her by the hand, taking a step closer to her. "Don't," he said softly. She looked up to see what he meant. "Don't apologize." He pressed her own hand to her side, just as she had done to his the night before. "You are beautiful," he assured her. "What you are doing, providing life for them, is beautiful," he whispered.

Tears filled her eyes as her sensitive emotions took over. Time froze, and she knew that he wanted to kiss her again. She found she didn't want to resist, despite her previous decision that it couldn't happen again. His lips pressed to hers, and it was even better than it had been last time. Moments ago, she hadn't thought that would be possible, but his kisses made her mind reel, the room spin. She closed her eyes, giving herself up to the sensations.

It was Kathryn who ended the kiss this time, her rational thinking finally coming back to her. "We should get something to eat," she suggested. "We can finish this later."

He nodded, offering to let her use the single bathroom first. She showered and dressed, and thought. But try as she might, she couldn't figure out what role she now wanted Tom to play, what place he should now fit into in her life. And though she couldn't decide where he belonged, she knew she had to figure it out, before she fell in love with him. She only feared she didn't have too much time before that happened.

Kathryn spent most of the afternoon trying to talk herself out of what had been happening lately between her and Tom. She couldn't fall in love with him, wouldn't allow herself to get hurt like that. They needed each other too much, for the sake of the children, to allow themselves to damage this odd relationship. And, as difficult as it was, and though she had said it before, she couldn't let him kiss her again.

No, Tom's kisses were too addicting, too distracting for her to allow them to continue. She leaned against the wall in her room, wondering now she could have gotten herself into this mess. Looking forward to, yet dreading Tom's kisses. The pleasure just wasn't worth the emotional turmoil they seemed to cause.

Briefly, Chakotay's face came to her mind, a flash of his handsome features, his deep eyes. What was she doing to him? Leading him along, like she had been ever since they first met. Allowing him to hope there would be a time she would come to him, when in all honestly, she was beginning to believe that time would never come.

How likely was it, now that was having children with Tom, that she could have anything resembling a normal relationship with Chakotay? Sharing children with Tom would make it difficult to have a future with him anyone else.

A thought came to her mind, and she turned it over, thinking about it. And almost instantly, she had her answer. She could live without Chakotay. She could let him go on with his life, without too much pain in her heart.

She needed. Chakotay as a friend, that much she knew. But as more that a friend, as a boyfriend, lover, husband, in those respects, she knew she was just playing with his heart.

And she knew she needed to tell him. She groaned. Their relationship was just beginning to recover from the blow of her pregnancy. Her new association with Tom. How many difficult conversations must she have with the man in such a short period of time?

Absently, she glanced at the clock on the wall, and the glowing red numbers pulled her back to the reality of the fact she was on duty in about five minutes.

She stood up from where she was leaning against the wall, just about the same time Tom knocked on her door. "Come in," she called, pulling a uniform form her closet as Tom came in.

"Oh, you're not ready..' Tom said, surprise evident in his voice.

"Go on ahead," she said, reaching for her boots. "I'll be there in a minute she said, encouraging him to forgo their usual habit of walking together when they shared a shift.

The door closed as he left, and she struggled to change quickly. Finally pulling on her boots, she brushed her hair as she headed for the bathroom to makes sure everything looked okay before she left.

She stood in front of the mirror, just not feeling quite right. Ah thought struck her and she turned, staring at the profile of her body in the glass. She sighed, realizing it was just about time she began wearing the new uniform she had replicated. Starfleet uniforms were just not designed to accommodate four months of pregnancy.

She hadn't notice before how much tighter the material had gotten across her waistline, but she rally didn't have the time to change. Not if she wanted to avoid explaining why she was late for her duty shift to Chakotay and Tuvok. She touched up her lipstick, and headed out the door at a brisk walk.

Though she was tired by the time her shift was over, Kathryn didn't want to put off her conversation with Chakotay if she didn't have to. "Computer, located Commander Chakotay," she said once she was alone in the turbolift.

The computer responded promptly with the deck his quarters were on, a section about 2 sections from his room. She waited a few moments, then asked again. Only one section away now. Knowing he was awake, that she wouldn't run the risk of waking him, she activated her commbadge. "Janeway to Chakotay."

"What can I do for you, Captain?" he asked when he answered.

She took a breath, gathering her courage. "Do you mind talking for while?" she asked.

"Not at all," he said. "Where do you want to meet?"

She thought for a moment. This was going to be hard enough on him, might as well let him be a little more comfortable. "Mind if I come over? she asked, hoping her voice wouldn�t betray the dread she was actually feeling.

"Sure, come on over," he invited.

"I'll change and be right there," she agreed. "Janeway out."

Five minutes later, dressed in stretchy blue pants and a cream sweater, she rang his doorchime.

"Come in," he called, and she went in to meet him where he stood near his couch. "Have a seat," he offered, sitting when she did. "Now what can I do for you?"

"We need to talk," she said seriously. The smile on his face slowly faded.

"This is serious, isn't it," he guessed, taking in the way she spoke.

She nodded unhappily. "I really haven't been fair to you," she began, staring at her hands clenched tightly in her lap. "I've been stringing you along all this time. I'm just sorry it took me this long to come talk to you about this."

Chakotay looked confused. "What is this about?" he asked, He reached for her hands, taking both of them onto his knees, and carefully began massaging the tight muscles, forcing her to relax.

She looked up at him, her eyes shiny, though she wouldn't acknowledge the tears. She couldn't let him see that this hurt her, too. Blinking once, the tears were gone, but she still felt them as a tightness in the back of her throat, a stinging behind her eyes. She really didn't want to hurt him. "I know you still have feelings for me," she said. "I know you haven't let go of that, even with all that's happened these past few months."

He nodded slowly, his agreement confirming her suspicions. "I can't," he said. "I've loved you from the first time I met you."

She raised an eyebrow at that.

He shrugged, "Okay, since the first time I talked to you, face to face."

She accepted that a little more readily, but had to continue. "And you've been waiting, all this time, in the hopes that I would...move beyond Starfleets rules and be with you?"

"I prefer to think of it as you would stop hiding behind regulations that have no basis out here."

"You think that the rules we've been following shouldn't be followed?" she asked, feeling her temper flaring. This was not the reason she came here.

"No, I didn't say that," he clarified. "I merely mean that not all of Starfleet's rules apply here. "You said so yourself, this may well become a generational ship. That it will have to, if anyone but Tuvok and Vorik will live long enough to get us home. That means that some rules are going to have to be bent, concerning who can and can't have relationships among the crew."

She nodded slowly, seeing his point. "I don't have a problem with anyone else on this ship pursuing a relationship with anyone else. I do have a problem with me getting involved, though." She paused. "And it isn't fair for you to wait for me to change my mind." She turned her hands, taking his in her own. "It isn't fair to you. You should go, find someone you can love. Who can love you back," she emphasized. She didn't want this to hurt him, but had to say it. "You can't wait around forever for me to decide that my having a relationship is finally okay. I can't guarantee who I'll choose, if that becomes the case."

She saw him pale, felt the tightness in the hands she held. Her tears returned, and no amount of blinking could keep them from falling, seeing the look of anguish on his face. "I never meant to hurt you," she whispered, her voice tight. "I just can't lead you on like this anymore."

He nodded, gently pulling his hands from hers.

She stood. "I should go," she said.

"Kathryn," he said, his voice choked with unshed tears. He stood beside her.

She looked up at him, saw the tears running down his face. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She placed a hand on his shoulder for balance, the stretched up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. Then she turned and left.

She tasted his tears on her lips as she ran to her quarters, where her own tears fell, their salty taste mingling as she she cried herself to sleep.