August12 step3

August 12 - 18, 2001 Topic: Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Member: Jenn P. Location: Poconos, PA Date: 8/12/01 Time: 8:49:56 AM Comments Good morning! Jenn here- an alcoholic who is happy, joyous and free as a result of this wonderful program of Twelve Steps. Step Three being a big part of it. I was told that Step Three was a decision to go forward on this new way of life. To let a Higher Power be in charge, not me, and to remember "Thy Will Not Mine Be Done." I had been used to having or getting my own way all the time. God has a plan for me that is so much better. My way got me here. Actually God got me here, because my way was about to get me dead. I renew my commitment to this step every morning with the 3rd step Prayer, and then go forward trying to put these principles into all my affairs. My life runs so much better this way. Occasionally I take back the reins, and it isn't long before I am in chaos. Thank God for this Program and the Fellowship of great people who came before me and show me how this works in their lives. Hope you all have a great sober day!

Member: Mark W. Location: St. Louis Date: 8/12/01 Time: 9:18:42 AM Comments This one has seen plenty of discussion in meetings. Many have to make the decision, then spend much time in turning the will over. My will got me in so much trouble over the years that it was an easy one for me. I had to go from Being GOD, to believing GOD. I feel I've come a long way toward this goal. Not perfect, but better by far than when still drinking. The changes in life that GOD has brought would give many an alcoholic a good excuse to drink again. Lost the job I'd had for twenty-five years, my entire adulthood. Lost the love of my wife, whom I really loved. Above losses since last August! God's plan sure did not fit mine! Well He is the director, I am but a player. Today life is much different than in the past. Is it better or worse? Well, I am reasonably serene, so I guess different is the best description. Make the decision. I don't believe I'd be alive today had I not made it. I hope above gives someone thoughts that help them make the decision. Mark W. LMW007@aol.com

Member: Mike M. Location: Md. Date: 8/12/01 Time: 11:02:55 AM Comments Hi I'm Mike and I'm an alcoholic. I can relate to your story Mark. My wife and I split up in May 2000. At that point I was sober about 3 1/2 months, but wasn't working the program whole-heartedly. I wasn't taking all the suggestions my sponsor and others were giving me. I got the results of that too. I went back out for about 2 weeks. Thank God that He was smarter than me again. He put someone from the rooms in front of me when I didn't know where I was going. That person, or should I say, God working through that person, gave me enough courage to get back where I belonged. After talking with my sponsor, he made me realize, through his experience of the program and God working in his life, that I had a dependence on persons and circumstances to provide my happiness. Well I don't own anybody and my life is totally unmanageable in my own hands. So today I know that I must make a decision to turn my will and my life over to Someone who can manage my life for me. I can say today that looking back on that experience with my wife was one of the " educational variety" talked about by William James in the Spiritual Experience in the back of the Big Book. Thank God that He was smarter than me and allowed me to go what I had to go through to get me to where I'm going. I continue to work the program to the best of my ability today and have not had a drink since that experience in May 2000. God truly does for me what I can not do for myself. Thanks for letting me share. God Bless You All.

Member: Janice B. Location: Date: 8/12/01 Time: 11:31:28 AM Comments Mark W. Thank you so much for your insight. I have decided to stop drinking. My problem in quitting in the past is I tried to do it my OWN way. I thought I could rely solely on myself. I have found in the past few weeks that I can't because I have this disease called alcoholism that is more powerful than myself. I can't fight this alone. I need help. I am turning it over to God. I am starting today. I feel so weak right now ... and ashamed that my attempts have not worked. Today is my personal bottom. The only good thing about this is I have the steps to take me out of the bottom.

Member: Dean F Location: Date: 8/12/01 Time: 12:43:15 PM Comments My life was and can be a painful one, 3rd step to me has always been a powerful one, they say you only need to do the first one 100%, the rest will be a lifetime job, I still remember that feeling of not wanting to drink, then finding myself on my way, having no other choice, I remember when I first started to go to meeting I would hear people say "I have a choice today on how my day is going to go good or bad" I thought how the hell does that work someday I felt just as powerless over my feelings as anything else, today is better, somedays I don’t let my feet touch the floor I slide down on my knees, then during the day I find that I have that space in my mind about how I am going to react, its my choice. I am grateful for the people in AA who showed me this idea of turning my life over, doing the 3rd step prayer with my sponsor on my knees was a beginning,

Member: Jana P. Location: OR Date: 8/13/01 Time: 12:14:01 AM Comments I have been going online to meetings mostly and am not getting to any live meetings because of the heat. It is very hard on me physically so I count on this to help me, plus Email. I work Pt. time and between that and the heat, I am physically drained. I know this doesn't take place of live meetings. IT does help me a lot. I just got this computer and don't have much contact through Email. I have three Email add's and only a few people Email me. My boss is a little boring... I went to a BBQ this weekend and there was alcohol there. They all only had one glass, and I didn't drink. I just said no thank you and it wasn't a big deal. What I found fascinating was that they stopped after that one glass and didn't have anymore. I could never do that. I am an alcoholic and I know I would not stop. But I can still be their friend and that was a new one to me. I have three 1/2 years and never would've been able to do that before. I know now nothing is worth that first drink and for that I am grateful. I know I have turned my will and my life over to the care of God as we understand him.

Member: Joe L. Location: Phila, PA - USA Date: 8/13/01 Time: 10:04:16 AM Comments Good Morning All; Joe here, definitely alcoholic. JANICE B.: Welcome and Good Luck. I have this thing with numbers, and I really like 3, 5 & 12. I think the 12 thing is just since coming into AA, plus I was born on May 3rd, so I guess that explains the 3 and the 5 also. Other than getting sober, this step is the best decision I ever made. Fact is, it's gonna happen anyway. It just depends on whether I want to be a willing participant or get drug along - kicking and screaming. Sad part is, sometimes that is what I choose. Seriously though, my quest is understanding the Higher Power. Here is someone or something that just wants to love me, and I can't just accept it. I know it's me. I'm like Popeye - "I am what I am, and that's all that I am." Maybe someday, I'll get it. For now, I just want you to know that I'm just another traveler on the Road to Kingdom Come. Does anyone know where that line came from? Peace, Out... LeachFtown@aol.com

Member: KB Location: Minnesota Date: 8/13/01 Time: 3:41:27 PM Comments I am KB and I am an alcoholic. I understand that the third step is, in part, about acknowledging that I cannot do it alone (and that when I have tried -at least when it comes to alcohol- I have failed), but letting go and letting God is not easy. I have succeeded at many things in the past and have done so with hard work, perseverance, skills given at birth and a knack for directing many of life's players. With a history of success resulting from my efforts, it is hard to resign control and rely on something I cannot see, hear, touch or smell. I know that my past successes are small (if there were large and fulfilling, I would feel complete and not need your help or be searching for God), but they are what I know and are a bit comforting while looking for answers and a deeper peace. How does one shed a lifetime habit of self-determination, relinquish control and find happiness? Although I am stubborn and skeptical, I am willing. Thanks.

Member: Paulm Location: Chicago Date: 8/13/01 Time: 4:29:47 PM Comments I am so self centered that I had a really rough time with this step. I couldn't understand what turning my life and my will over to God meant other than becoming a missionary or something of that sort. I went to a Third Step meeting every Thursday for a year and still couldn't figure out what they were talking about, so I finally asked my sponsor. Thank God, I had at least turned my drinking over to my Higher Power in prayer, else I don't think I would have survived the year. I asked my sponsor what the Third Step meant and he told me, "It means that you need to do what's right instead of doing what you want to do. Go to work on time and do your job without grumbling, pay your bills on time, be there for your family when they need you and get to work on your Fourth Step. If you do the right thing, God will take care of you." This is still the best definition I've run across.

Member: Mark W. Location: St. Louis Date: 8/13/01 Time: 4:35:53 PM Comments KB, Go to meetings. Period. You will meet others that were in the same place you are. You will hear them relate where they were and where they are today. All have let go and let God or they would still be drinking. Some take it back. They are soon drunk yet again. the effort IS worth it! Mark W. LMW007@aol.com

Member: Trevor Location: Beijing Date: 8/13/01 Time: 10:33:57 PM Comments Trevor full time alcoholic... Just pray is all I can say and trust this from a former atheist... because I never prayed or believed...just pray it works like nothing I have ever seen before. The greatest gift given to me was my ability to pray...can I say that again...just pray..."I am turning my will and life over to you god"... P&DD Trevor p.s. take the leap and pray

Member: Debi J. Location: Maryland Date: 8/14/01 Time: 1:00:48 AM Comments The Third Step Great explanation Paul M. I think I'll use it. I haven’t been to a step meeting yet, but when I’m in AA, reading them on the wall and really thinking about what it means that about sums it up. Thanks Debi

Member: Jack B Location: Palo Alto, Pa Date: 8/14/01 Time: 5:36:48 AM Comments Hi I am Jack, a real alcoholic. Step three for me is an unwavering commitment to God and the 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous. For me this is where the spiritual healing begins. Old adage, we are all created in God's image. For this alcoholic, life got better when I stopped creating God in my image. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.

Member: Tess Location: Virginia Date: 8/14/01 Time: 9:58:10 AM Comments Boy, the lack of this step in my life is probably my biggest problem. Major control freak here. As a stay at home wife & mother, I get to spend my days controlling the household and everyone in it's life. Hahahaha. I keep forgetting that my action in this step needs to be to leave it at...JUST do the next right thing. Leave the rest/outcome to HP. Thanks for reminding me today

Member: Ronnie B. Location: St. Pete Beach, FL Date: 8/14/01 Time: 11:04:30 AM Comments Hi I'm Ronnie and I'm an alcoholic. This third step is just what I needed this morning. I can relate to Jana P. When I turn my will and my life over to God things seem to go pretty good. When I take my will back things just seem to go downhill from there. I need to just learn to let go and let God. I have that need to control others and I know it doesn't work, but getting through to this thick brain is hard sometimes. Today I'm going to just let it flow and whereever the day takes me I will just go. I also have that choice to have a good day or a bad day. I choose to have a good day and just be dependent on my Higher Power today and no one else. Then when I feel the need to take control again, I'll just remember where my will took me and realize I don't want to go down that road again.

Member: Sarah Location: NW USA Date: 8/14/01 Time: 1:35:02 PM Comments "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." On page 5 in the 12 x 12 as we understood him is underlined ... that was my question I asked my sponsor, her answer was the "healing power". There is indeed a healing power in the experience, strength and hope shared. Let's take a look at "who" has shared their experience, strength and hope ... a stockbroker, a unemployed street bum, a employed worker, a student, a retired senior, a mother, a father, a child, a doctor, a politician, a voter, a priest, an atheist, the list goes on and on ... in fact I even have been at a recovery home there the dog was a recovering alcoholic who did share experience, strength and hope. Talking of animals, I think even those two newts I found in the woods and put in a gallon glass jar shared their experience, strength and hope with me one night...I had a dream I was in a dinosaur park full of angry newts, I did let go and let God. I have not had a perfect path of sobriety, but I have some time again ...I'll keep coming back ...hope you'll keep coming back too.

Member: Von Location: Ohio Date: 8/14/01 Time: 3:23:56 PM Comments The beauty of sponsorship is getting to do the 3rd step over and over again, always learning a little more to help me humbly acknowledge that turning my will and live over to the care of God will always be a forever commitment one day at a time. I can never do it completely or perfectly because often I don't what God's will for me is and so disappointedly often I run on self-will. So yet again this morning, I ended my morning prayers with "God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou Wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will Always!" May I do Thy Will Always!

Member: Hilary E. Location: Poconos, PA Date: 8/14/01 Time: 4:12:46 PM Comments A long time ago my husband was in treatment for drugs, and I got that serenity book with the twelve steps in it--I read it over, but shelved it. I actually bought this self help book entitled "How to stop drinking without going to AA." Needless to say, it didn't work. I see now that my whole adult life I have been an alcoholic--I have done terrible things to the people around me, and to myself--basic self-destruction. My life was usual a big suckburger, but no more so than anyone else's I suppose, broken up marriage, working to support my kids (as a bartender--talk about keeping it close to home), and doing the swinging single life--all of my very close friends are bad alcoholics--lost their business', jobs, even their young children. I am now so ashamed, and lost and alone. I was sober last year for three months, and aside from being pregnant, that was the only time in my entire life since being a teen I was...I can't seem to face the pain my life has become anymore--I just went down the slippery slope, and went on one long never ending binge--every pore of my body hurts, and my brain is numb. I am scared to do anything, and ashamed to even pray because I feel like such a loser. I know I have to turn my life over, but I feel like a little ant sitting alone in a dark box--I don't know how. I am going to look up a meeting and hope I don't chicken out when a good night's sleep and some aspirins kick in. Thanks for letting me chat with you all. I feel a little better to know that I am not alone, and am happy I found this site.

Member: Jennifer B. Location: Massachusetts Date: 8/15/01 Time: 1:18:28 PM Comments Hi my name is Jennifer and I am an alcoholic and an addict. Hilary, I know exactly how you are feeling. I had three months of sobriety and then went on a very long, very bad bender. I realize that I have not turned my life over to a Higher Power yet and I am still working on it. I know there is a better life for all of us, hold on and it will get easier.

Member: AnilG Location: Mt Vernon,IL Date: 8/15/01 Time: 5:25:05 PM Comments I am an alcoholic I was introduced to AA and had my first experience with my higher power I did not believe in God being a scientist and atheists but now after I was given another life after I had reached the bottom I believed that there is God I now have faith and submit myself to his powers. Thanks to all the AA members.

Member: Patricia M Location: New York Date: 8/15/01 Time: 5:42:30 PM Comments Hi my name is Patricia and I am an alcoholic. Step three was a difficult step for me to take because I am a very controlling person, and I think that I can control the actions of others and situations in my life. When I got sober, I realized that I do not write the script, nor do I care to anymore. I have made a decision to turn my care over to a higher power whom I choose to call God. I no longer am the director of the show, and have learned in sobriety to live for today. Thanks to everyone who shared and for keeping me sober today. Welcome to all newcomers. Keep coming back your worth it if you work it! So work it!

Member: Tim S Location: Wisconsin Date: 8/15/01 Time: 7:34:10 PM Comments I took my third step in the back of a squad car without realizing that it was the third step at the time. Four days later I was at an AA meeting. The circumstances that brought me there were one of those miracles you watch unfold before your eyes and just kind of marvel at while going along for the ride. As long as I am living the third step, that is turning my life over to the old HP, things are good. I do it every morning and, as a result, am able to understand that the hardships are part of the deal. They're like lifting weights. I'll be stronger at the end. I believe that this is all about the journey. The steps are a guidebook, but your HP drives.

Member: Michael B. Location: AZ Date: 8/15/01 Time: 9:47:33 PM Comments Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to the newcomers and those still struggling! Thanks for the sincere shares! As I've mentioned previously, when I first came into the AA program, I turned my life over to "AA as a whole," having little if any faith that my God would be anything but cruel with me. Fortunately, things have slowly changed for me, and I make every effort to give credit where credit is due for my sobriety, including making a decision to turn my life over to a God I once had little or no faith in.

Member: Nicole G Location: Florida Date: 8/16/01 Time: 6:10:05 AM Comments My name is Nicole, and I am an alcoholic. The third step is something that I have to do every day, sometimes several times a day. I wake up in the mornings, say my prayers, thank my God, meditate, finish out with either the serenity prayer or third step prayer, and sooner or later, I catch myself doing my thing. I am right back to being the "old me." So, what do I do about it? Right after working the third step and saying the prayer with my sponsor is when I first noticed that I was not always able to maintain my willingness to do God's will, instead of my own. I talked with a dear friend who suggested this: "Everytime you look at your watch, ask yourself 'am I doing God's will, or my own?'" I began this the very next day. It was amazing how often I was doing my own thing, when I was honest with myself. Over time, I began answering in favor of God's will, honestly. Also, I still have to remind myself that step 3 is just a decision, it is what follows that really counts. Today, I am grateful.

Member: 449 Location: Doncaster, England Date: 8/16/01 Time: 9:14:12 PM Comments Thank you for your shares. They help. Trevor in Beijing - you put it so simply. I know that I can make more of prayer in my life. I get back 100 fold what I put in. thanks for listening

Member: Rick M Location: Date: 8/17/01 Time: 10:05:13 AM Comments hiya all the 3rd step simply asked me to turn my thoughts and actions over to god as I understand him. that was the key for me "as I understand him". God or a higher power of my thinking. in my early days that higher power was my home group, the older wiser member. This for me was the first of many little spiritual awakenings though my journey of the 12 steps. The first signs I was capable of honesty. And with that honesty came my first taste of humility. whoa!!! That’s two new emotions I had not experienced for a good number of years. Step2 simply asked me to believe step3 to have the courage to accept what I believe thank you all for sharing your experience strength hope that I may remain in recover rick m

Member: Connie C. Location: Northern California Date: 8/17/01 Time: 12:52:29 PM Comments Step 3 is the door to the next 9 steps. According to the Big Book (page 64): "...our decision (to turn our lives and our will over to the care of God as we understood God) was a vital and crucial step, (but) it could have little permanent effect unless AT ONCE followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory."

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Member: Melissa Location: Canada Date: 6/16/2002 Time: 1:53:07 PM Comments Can we talk about our first summer in sobriety? I've been seeing and listening to so new many newcomers in the meetings around my city asking how to stay sober throughout the summer. It doesn't seem like any kind of challenge anymore, but I remember... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Bonny G. Location: Hot Springs, AR Date: 6/16/2002 Time: 4:43:02 PM Comments I think it's wonderful Melissa to talk about staying sober during the summer, or any time of the year. Here in Arkansas we are off to a lot of activities around our state. This was the really big kick-off time for a lot of camping and fishing for me in 1989, when I was first sober, and of course the water skiing. All these things were associated with drinking for me in the past. Groups of young people in AA are out there now doing all these things, even canoeing on the Buffalo River here. This weekend was our District's Picnic up at Degray Lake. It was wonderful to see old-timers and the newcomers all together having a great day with their families out there. Activities with the groups are a great way to past the summer. If your AA Group doesn't have something like this going, it's great to start with one group, and past the word on to other groups in your District to join in to kick it off each year. I didn't know that staying sober could be so much fun. I did all my first 3 years of sobriety still attached to part of the problem. I am happy to report that upon coming back into AA after a four month bout of redrinking, I am much happier doing the "Group" socializing activities that I before thought wasn't possible to do. (I now have 8 1/2 years of "real" sober living.) Good luck on your summer activities, get out with fellow AA Groups who are doing things and have a safe and wonderful summer. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: John O'L Location: DFW / Texas Date: 6/16/2002 Time: 5:37:43 PM Comments My name is John and I am an alcoholic. There are always going to be challenges and new experiences for us in our sobriety. First summer, first Christmas season, first birthday, first wedding toast, first death in the family, first time being fired from your job, etc. etc. etc. However, all these experiences have one thing in common: it is the first time I have experienced these life events sober. I've had lots of summers drunk, lots of Christmases drunk (while laughing over that old country/western song: "Daddy, Please don't get drunk; it's Christmas, and I don't want to see my Mama crying again!). Well, I caused lots of tears for those I love at Christmas time from my drinking. Not too funny when I think of it in those terms. In short, any time is a better time sober, both for you and those around you. And, as is so often said, there is no situation so bad that taking a drink won't make it a whole lot worse! I've had twenty sober summers now, Thanks to God, AA, and you people. Taking each day as it comes, going to meetings, reading the Big Book, and working the steps, and contact with your sponser will work all year long, as well as summertime. When you are sober, there is pure magic in all four of the seasons, not just in the summertime. God Bless you and keep you always! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: AZbill Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona Date: 6/16/2002 Time: 5:53:16 PM Comments Hi Melissa and Bonnie and all that follow. Looks like if I type fast enough I will be #3 this week. My name is Bill and I am an alcoholic from Arizona. I drank all four seasons. It mattered not. I drank because it was snowing. Because it was raining. When the sun was out I drank because it was too hot. Bonnie hit the nail on the head. If you are not having fun in recovery then the chances are you will drink again. The more I stay in recovery the more I am convinced that this is more of a start living program than it is a stop drinking program. My AA birthday is in August so there was not much left of my first summer. On my first Labor day weekend, my sponsor had me in a tent on the South Platte River and was teaching me how to fly fish. I belonged to a recovery related club. There was always something going on. Picnics. Parties. Eating meetings. Bring a covered dish. Be nice if there was food on it. Stay in the steps and stay active. Get into service. Have fun. This is my my 21st summer and I am still at it. I have become a member of an AA sky diving group. I have met many members in person. And each year I get to visit my former wife, my Hubby-in-law and my six daughters and am welcome in all of their homes. Life is an adventure for me today. Thank you all for being a part of my sobriety today. Blues Skies and PULL HIGH.. :) Love ya Bill, az-bill@mindspring.com -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: AZbill Location: Sierra Vista, AZ Date: 6/16/2002 Time: 5:54:51 PM Comments I was too slow Hi John I'm #4 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Anne M Location: NY Date: 6/16/2002 Time: 5:56:30 PM Comments Hi, Anne, alcoholic here. I have not yet had a sober summer, but I have high (no pun intended) hopes for it. In the summer there is so much more to do than sit around and drink. I went to a party last night and was fine with my seltzer; I wasn't there to drink, I was there to be out and socialize. It is the cold, long, dreary winter that I truly dread. I plan to keep very busy (garden work, beach, go to some baseball games, some bar-b-q's, minimally sit on the lounge chair with a good book, etc.) and hope that I am much too busy enjoying the great outdoors to lapse. But I will sure need all of you once the clocks change in the fall....boy, do I suffer from light deprivation. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: sr Location: Date: 6/16/2002 Time: 6:28:55 PM Comments Hey everybody im sr and a grateful i do not have to drink this summer or anytime. We have choice of the way we want to live and i choose not to drink or drug today. we do this one day at a time. today i'm going to make a meeting and not pick up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Jim F Location: Guilin, China Date: 6/16/2002 Time: 7:03:53 PM Comments Good topic. As others have pointed out, the first anything in sobriety is an adventure. For me, the first July 4 came just days after I got sober. What do you do on a holiday? Aren't they all for getting drunk? I discovered you can set off fireworks with your kids and do it sober. Imagine that! Other than special events, I spent a lot of time in court, really learning to take it one-day-at-a-time. All the slogans became my bible in those early months. Easy does it, one day at a time, keep coming back ... Jim from Sequim -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Dry in the Desert Location: Nevada Date: 6/16/2002 Time: 9:42:37 PM Comments Good Evening Everyone; My name is Walter and I am an Alcoholic! Great new topic which brought back a memory of early sobriety and an unexpected “slippery place”. I was fortunate to have grasped the program from day one and the craving was removed that day. I was feeling very confident and had avoided my old “slippery places”. A few months into the program, my father and I went camping in the mountains. He had an RV, but I wanted to pitch my old tent and after saying good night, I started putting up the tent, reminiscing on all the places that I’d slept in that tent, and at one point I reached back on the picnic table and took a sip of my Pepsi…..YUCK ! BLAH ! SPIT ! What was that horrible taste !? Seems in all the years of camping, I had NEVER put that tent up without having a "few" beers…..after a wave of panic (How could I camp without beer? Would the fire be the same sober? Could I sleep on the ground with out having passed out?) I said a Serenity Prayer and all the tools of the program were at my fingertips. The fire was warmer, the stars were brighter, I slept wonderfully and the next morning was glorious !! When I shared this with my sponsor and home group, I was told that I would have to learn or relearn how to play ! So those of you who are new this summer…..Take the Spiritual Kit of Tools and Play, Learn to have Sober Fun and Live Life !! Have a Good Summer ! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Deena S. Location: panhandle fla Date: 6/16/2002 Time: 9:43:30 PM Comments Hi all, my first summer was in central CA and I will never forget July fourth, I woke early and outside I saw a hot air balloon rising in clear california sunshine! We drove to Pismo beach but couldn't watch the fireworks ccause of the fog coming ashore. I had just spent four years in Japan and had only been in the states for about a month, and had been sober for about 9months. I was (here you have it Nita) fooling around with some fellow from AA, who turned out to be faithless, not very sexually adept(sorry, I didn't have to say that)and got two women pregnant with the next two years or so(both in AA), married one of them and made a permanent enemy of the other. SO see how easy it is to get onto others' inventory, it's the SEX, Nita, the sex! just kidding Deena -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: ronnie b. Location: florida Date: 6/16/2002 Time: 9:44:16 PM Comments The hardest part for me in the beginning of my sobriety, was the thought of the weekends. I didn't think I could have fun without drinking on the weekend. Yes and going to the beach, tanning and etc. without drinking. After four years of sobriety, I find it nice to be able to stay awake and enjoy the weekends and the Holidays sober. I'm grateful today to be able to have a choice, to drink or not to drink. I didn't have that before. If I go to a meeting and stay in touch with other alcoholics who are going through the same problems I am, then I know I can handle any day, especially with my Higher Power at my side. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: JC Location: NC Date: 6/16/2002 Time: 10:38:05 PM Comments I really feel great when I'm sober but I can not stay sober for more than a week, Why? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Tom R Location: Hammonds Plains N.S. Date: 6/16/2002 Time: 11:09:17 PM Comments Hi Melissa, Tom here,sober alcy.I'm still learning how [honest,open & willing] important it is for me to stay away from the first drink and drug of any kind at anytime,any place,any season,any day & most importantly under any circumstances.I'm the kind of alchy that lives by the facts.When it comes to drinking for me the facts don't change If I was to pick up the first drink I would soon find myself doing all those sane behaviors that I truly enjoyed doing[ex:stark naked dancing on tables,jumping in lakes for a case of beer,trying to use woman for sex,sneaking drinks at & to work,at least until I lost my job,waking up in stange places,holding on to street poles while I vomited,trying to be loved at house parties bbq's,bars,beach parties ect:,& believe me the list can go on &on.I DIDN'T mention all the physical,emotional,mental,spititual & psychological pain,torture & abuse that I would inflict on myself and others.Oh, and all the trouble I cause everyone when I'm so shitfaced and starting to EXIST in the I DON'T CARE SYNDROME. I reeally don't have your answer but I believe that if you have come to an understanding with YOUR higher power and hold its hand you'll know what to do.I understand too well that no human power can keep us from drinking, but WE [A.A.]can & do make the strongest support beams you'll ever want for support & stength.God bless you this summer Melissa.One day at a time may he provide you with the stenght,courage & hope and may he let the sun shine upon your face when your going through your difficult times and also when your not.DON'T DRINK AND GO TO MEETINGS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Sara-Rose C. Location: Alberta Canada Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 4:43:52 AM Comments Hi Everyone-Sara-Rose alcoholic here. Last summer I was sober and had been for sixx other summers,but around October i thought i could just have that little drink tht surely couldn't hurt after all that time!Well.now i'm back and have one week sober,I'm praying for a sober summer and hope you'll say a little one for me too.Thanks for listening-Sara-Rose -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Irish F. Location: Yangshuo, China Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 5:11:41 AM Comments My name is Irish, I'm an alcoholic. I'd like to start by expressing my gratitude that this meeting is here. And my surprise that Jim F is in Guilin, China (I am very near there and my husband is Jim F-but he says he's not that Jim F). My first sober summer was what I dreaded most when I got sober 2 years ago in March. I loved summer because in my mind, my "no drinking every day" rule (because drinking daily made one an alcoholic) was not in effect-because it was summer. I got sober at 22, and was very scared of not having fun (not drinking). In fact, before I got sober, if someone asked me what I did for fun I thought they were crazy. What do they mean? I drink! I'm 22 what do they think I do?! The first, and hardest, thing I did was changed "places and playmates." I found people I liked in AA, and avoided those I didn't like. The people I liked were few, but we ended up having a great summer. I'll never forget waterskiing in Ft. Collins and camping in Moab. They were some of the most fun times I've had. As a rule of thumb, if I'm tempted, I call my sponsor, go to a meeting or call a sober friend. After which I try to do something fun with that person (go for ice cream). Usually after hanging out, I feel much better. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Manish V. Location: India Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 5:37:19 AM Comments Hi!Thanks for all your comments.I am in India and it is 112 degrees.The thought of a beer seems really nice sometimes - and I try and not dwell on it - as taught by my Sponsor.I am still early in sobriety, and get very upset that "the thoughts" still recur.I usually e-mail my Sponsor - and the "telling someone else" helps; for one, I get too ashamed to try and have a drink... My first summer sober was in Canada, and as it never got too hot - I never thought about beer...well, actually I did once or twice but I just kept on walking until I got to a Meeting.There are no meetings here, and I am scared to try and start one; consequently, I am lonely, and on a "dry drunk" most days.But I do the things I was taught to do - ONE DAY AT A TIME - and it seems to be working.Reading always helps, as does praying - though I often do not know what I believe in - or even if I believe... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Matthew A Location: Philly,Pa Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 7:39:01 AM Comments I could never have stayed sober by myself. I needed HP the steps and the fellowship . In my area there are alot of events ,splash parties dances camping trips as well as alkathons during the holidays. remember i cant we can -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Leslie Location: Chicago Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 8:34:04 AM Comments Hey Melissa, I am right there with you! I only have 2 months with AA and I have hope that things will work out for the first time in my life. This is my first REAL sober summer. Last summer I quit from June until New Years Eve. I was a dry drunk. No AA support. Just on my own. It was really crappy! I was bitter about being around people that could drink and "have fun" around me. I was OK after a while. Yet, I still felt like I was out of place and would rather stay in my place than be around a bunch of drinkers at a picinic or party. I would be fine until about midnight and then I would just want to go home. Things and people start getting ugly about that time. I just got tired and resentful. My boyfriend would give me a hard time about wanting to leave so early. This would always end up in a fight. He did not understand back then how hard it was for me. I was always the one that was the last to go with that "one" more drink that followed many "one mores". This summer I am with AA and it has helped me soooo much! I am hanging around people that do not drink as well as people that do. I am having fun doing things that sounded like they would have been boring when I was a drinker. They are so enjoyable now. I love waking up at 1:00pm and not having to make phone calls to people to say I was sorry for my drunken actions and comments. Now I am REALLY living my life instead of hiding from life in a bottle of wine. I just decide if I am safe to go to a function. Depends on how I feel that day. If I feel uneasy I just do something else. People will have to deal with it. I do not get the guilt trips anymore since I am in AA and my friends understand that the definition of a "slippery" place could just depend on the day. Alchohol will always be around me. I have to get comfortable with that. I have a choice...I can avoid everything all together that involves alchohol or I can go and keep everything in mind that I have learned in AA. I am learning to have fun without it being drunk "fun". Good Luck, Leslie -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com) Location: Aloha, Oregon Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 10:35:30 AM Comments I drank all the time, every season. Each day blurred into the next, I was sick all the time with no hope, no peace and couldn’t stop on my own will power. The last time I accepted the gift of sobriety again, in desperation, I went to as many as 5 meetings a day for the first month, and then I went to 10 or 11 meetings a week for the rest of my first 3 months. I had become too sick and isolated to have any friends, so invitations to fun things was not a problem. LOL. I had been so absolutely whipped by alcohol, that last spring, I tried to spend as much time working on recovery that I used to spend getting loaded. I’m not sure if it was courage or fear that lead me to reach out to others then, but it was in these baby steps toward socializing and learning to apply the 12 steps with the help of a “closed mouth friend”, that I found some sanity and Serenity for the first time. I am still the spoiled, willful brat I have always been, but I now have tools to manage him. It has been a couple years since my first summer, but I still spend every waking hour Joyful that this alcoholic does not have to drink anymore today. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Jim F Location: Guilin, China Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 11:39:33 AM Comments Nice to see another AA in China. Irish, I am indeed the other Jim F., the one married to Ann, also in the program. We just got back from our last trip to Yangshuo over the weekend; last because our teaching assignment here ends at the end of the week. Ann and I have learned that you can even stay sober in a resort atmosphere in China. If you see this, Irish, drop us a line. It would be fun to compare notes. Jim from Sequim, at jimfishersequim@hotmail.com -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Melissa R. Location: Ohio Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 11:40:22 AM Comments Melissa R, here,alcoholic, looking forward to my first summer sober. My HP is going to work overtime for me (lol) I remember in 1999 in spent the forth of July in the psych ward for attempted suicide. Way too much alcohol and pills.....not a pretty sight. Wonder why it took me so long to get sober after that. I only have 83 days in. Wasted almost 3 yrs after that episode, seems stupid. I guess I wasn't done suffering yet. (lol) I'm in such a different place now, mentally and physically, sobriety has been good to me. I love summer, plan to go on some vacations. Can you imagine sun and sober?!? what a wonderful life! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: FrankD Location: NJ Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 12:13:29 PM Comments Hi, Frank here, Alcoholic, How often these topics seem to follow what's on my mind. This will be my first Sober summer, and my first vacation without (hopefully) alcohol is to begin next week. I will stay busy, spend time with sober people, and try to make meetings. I wish you all a happy, safe, and Sober summer! Frank -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Lessa E Location: Chicago Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 12:13:32 PM Comments Lessa E here, grateful recovering alcoholic. Thanks for the great topic, Melissa. What will sometimes get in my way in the summer is all those blasted ads. You know - the ones that have beautiful people with beautiful bodies in gorgeous swimsuits hanging out around a pool with tall, cool drinks in their hand. They're laughing and look like they're having a grand old time. And, on a table nearby is a hollowed out watermelon with a punch in it and a huge bottle of booze (rum??? vodka???? does it matter????) Anyway, those get to me when it gets really hot here in Chicago. I get nostalgic and long for the 'good old days'.... And feel sorry for myself. A quick prayer or a chat with someone in the program is usually all I need to remind myself that those 'good old days' never happened for this drunk. I NEVER hung out with beautiful people by a pool sipping a drink. I was more likely, especially on a summer weekend, to be holed up by myself in an airconditioned, really messy apartment/condo/home, drinking myself into oblivion. A hollowed out watermelon with a nice punch in it? Give me a break - I used to pour a "Big Gulp" glass from 7-11 half full of vodka and top it off with some kind of diet pop. And I'd drink until I passed out. By myself. I'd come to wondering if it was morning or night. The only way I could tell was look at the direction the sun was moving in. That would tell me if it was setting or rising. And that's how I'd spend my summer weekends. These days summers are a time to enjoy being outside and with other people. Rather than read in the paper about upcoming events and then blow them off because my drinking was more important than any activities planned with friends, it's being able to be there, enjoy and remember them, and, in general, being part of life. I never had that when I was drinking. I get all this by being sober. By taking it one day at a time. By working the steps. By staying in touch with folks at f2f meetings and around their monitors. And, most of all, by the grace of my HP whom I know as God. Funny, the seasons used to be a blur to me. Not much differentiated them except whether I had on the airconditioning or heat or the windows open. Now I can genuinely enjoy all of them - because today I have that choice. Thanks very much for letting me share. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: AnilG Location: Mt Vernon,IL Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 12:25:59 PM Comments I am an alcoholic and an addict my first summer in sobriety was when i become cold turkey and decided to stop all my drinking and drugs and that was when I hit my bottom lost everything that I had . It continue to bother me but as the time passed on I felt better day by day and now I feel stronger and stronger.thanks to aa and alnon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Heather K. Location: Phoenix AZ Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 1:26:38 PM Comments Hi, Heather from Phoenix, and boy is it hot here, sit on the car seat and burn your tush,need potholder's to drive your car. I dread the summer the heat is awful and I used to spend it glugging down the beer and just about passing out from that and the heat. I had a few summers sober and relapsed. So here I go again, I have a hard time imagining it as it used to be all the family and kids and all and picinics and we were all drunk. Now they the family won't go with us nowhere as they want to drink and I don't and my husband doesn't either when I quit, he quits but won't go to aa which drives me nuts as I then don't get to go to the picnic's and nothing as he won't go and I don't have my family anymore either. So i am so lonely and sad and not having any fun and haven't figured out what to do I think I am going to have to go without him. Which doesn't help our marriage any either. My home group place is having a pot luck and I am going with without husband who refused to do nothing, I get so lonely without him and so lonely with him as he sure is a dry drunk. I pray that I am going the right direction and it is nice to wake up up and not be sick and not know what you did and feel the guilt of what you do remember was all bad. So I have some hope but i am rather shaky as to what to do. I need to have some fun and learn how to play again as I love to laugh and joke and have a good time. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Scott R Location: Nova Scotia Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 1:29:21 PM Comments Hi I'm scott and I'm an alcoholic. I'm looking forward to my 7th sober summer! It has ionly been through the grace of my HP that it has been this way. Last summer was a bit crappy because I didn't go to meeting. Now I'm back and on a mission one day at a time. Meetings make summer a better time. I'm with Bill - I drank for all seasons and all reasons. I wanted the first drink and needed the rest. Today I don't want that first drink and things are really great. Thanks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Michelle M Location: Central Texas Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 3:11:03 PM Comments How do I get to actuall chat online meetings please email me at HeavenBound72@integrity.com. A topic for today: When is the right time to make the decision to work the steps of AA. Took me 10yrs before I decided to work the steps now I have 5yrs sober and 4yrs sanity, due to working the steps. Wish it didn't take me so long and it isn't as hard as it looks. I put myself through 10yrs 11yrs of misery before doing the steps. It takes what it takes but don't jack around like I foolishly did "JUST DO IT!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: AnnieM Location: NY Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 3:24:06 PM Comments To JC in NC: have you gone to a meeting? Please try that. Also, post questions on the Coffee Pot page -- you'll get a better response. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Becky W Location: No where IA Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 5:40:17 PM Comments Hi. I'm Becky addict alcoholic. Summer is an extremely hard time for me because that's when I used to have the most fun using. The rest of the year I had to maintain during the week and could only "party" on the weekends. Summer was one long weekend for a few years. When I first sobered up, I was at a club that was very active, we did some activities, and we hung out a lot. But my favorite thing about that first summer was sitting on the grass outside the club and having meetings in the shade with a big Diet Coke and pack of cigs. Now that's what I long for. I moved away from that club (home) over a year ago and have not yet found a place that is fun. Being young in recovery is a little strange because there are very few people my age to talk to. All the other 20 somethings I know are out getting sloppy/stupid drunk. One thing I've really gotten out of reading today is that its all about fun. If you aren't having fun in soberiety, drinking can seem like more fun. IT ISN'T!!!!!! So today I'm going to work on having fun in my soberiety! Thanks everybody! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: pbs Location: ohio Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 8:53:24 PM Comments Pat, alcoholic. Thanks, Melissa, for nudging my rememberer. My first summer sober I went to a neighborhood/poolparty/ dance w/my non-drinking husband. I was apprehensive because in 10 months I'd avoided the 'wets'. Well I had a grand time, and on the way home I shared with my husband how nice it was to go out w/o seeing anyone engaged in fights, screaming, abusive garbage talk,pbs and other assorted out-of-bounds behavior. His comment was, "That's because you weren't drinking." I hope never to shut the door on reminders of what I was like. Pat -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Ross Location: Maine Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 10:26:51 PM Comments Hi, Ross-alcoholic, addict. Summers up here in Maine are an especially a nice time to drink. Its been a long winter and its time to celebrate! To the beaches, to the mountains, you'll find drunks everywhere up here. Lots of tourists partying, this state turns into a party resort in the summer. Thats why we have some of the toughest O.U.I. laws in the country. From Memorial Day to Labor Day.... It can be tough to sober up. But its been said before any day can be a good day to drink. 3 summers ago I was sitting in a cheap room in a city with the shades drawn, alone, talking to voices I was hearing, shaking almost convulsing if my BAC fell below .200, hadnt eaten or slept for 2 weeks wishing I could get sober after many attempts. Knew I was going to die if I kept going. Ended up in detox and then a year long treatment center (again) and spent my first summer waiting for the shakes to go away going to meetings (mandatory) wishing I could drink. And angry!!! Somewhere in there I started to get an understanding of the of the 12 steps with the help of a 'team' of professionals all members of A.A. I see them at meetings now they are not counselors they are friends now. I am celebrating 3 yrs because of the fellowship of A.A. and a power 'other' than myself. No I dont have a problem with greater, thats how I had to look at it first before it became the greatest thing in my life. Sanity has been restored but it took time. And a lot of help. Summers are tough but from my perspective now staying drunk is even tougher. LOL Ross. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Les Location: San Diego Date: 6/17/2002 Time: 11:48:59 PM Comments I stayed sober my first summer by not drinking, going to meetings, talking with my sponsor, reading the Big Book, taking the Steps and applying them as best I could. Stayed sober my second summer the same way. This is my fifteenth summer and so far I've stayed sober the same way as my first summer. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: calulating Location: here Date: 6/18/2002 Time: 3:52:31 AM Comments You know that if you drink a case a day of Busch lite $12.99 x 30 = $389.70, we could have some other fun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Jason Location: NYC Date: 6/18/2002 Time: 7:04:27 AM Comments I always get a little nostalgic about drinking during the summers. I don't want to drink, this is my first summer sober, but I remember the times on Saturday afternooons here in NYC; a hot day, the AC on in the bar, a great jukebox playing, the warm buzz that settles over after a few beers. I'm enjoying being up in the morning. I'm exercising (haven't done that in years), taking care of my apartment, and growing lots of plants. So far it's been great. Drinking is such a deadening, depressing way to exist. Thank God for AA. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Vee F Location: Midwest Date: 6/18/2002 Time: 7:55:10 AM Comments Thanks Les in San Diego. That's all I needed to hear! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: John H Location: Hoosier Land, USA Date: 6/18/2002 Time: 10:24:36 AM Comments Hello everyone, I'm John, an alcoholic. The first thing I had to learn was to live sober a day at a time. Summer, fall, winter and spring and all the days within the year; to become weller, better, healthier and happier, it was necessary to not pick up that first drink. Excuses to drink can be made for any season and any day and for any reason. We had to stop fooling ourselves, because we were not fooling others around us about our drinking excuses. Honesty,openess, and willingness to attend meetings, study the Big Book, get a sponsor had to be the choice to avoid making up lame excuses for picking up the first drink. The best to you all, each day of the year by staying sober. No excuses! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Kat Location: CA Date: 6/18/2002 Time: 4:58:17 PM Comments http://alcoholism.about.com/mpchat.htm Hi, this is for Manish V. in India, and anyone else who cares...there are live chat AA meeings here, this will take you to the web page if you copy and paste this into your browser...thought it might help if no live meeting are available. Good luck and God bless! (my HP) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: will h Location: langhorne pa Date: 6/18/2002 Time: 6:48:26 PM Comments Idid not find my first summer in sobriety much more difficult than theeveryday task of working at staying sober. Maybe the only thing that really made me think was wondering if I was ssing something that went alng with the weather, like being high outof my mind. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: R.... Location: F Date: 6/18/2002 Time: 7:02:48 PM Comments Try: www.paltalk.com sign in/up click groups go to health/parenting you'll find lots of good AA meetings there (voice) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Valerie M. Location: Canada Date: 6/18/2002 Time: 7:45:57 PM Comments I first became sober in May of '93 - right before my favourite party time of the year - the Summer. Prior to going to AA I was NEVER able to stay sober for more than 3 weeks to a month at a time. AA meetings helped me stay on track and I remember how thrilled I was to make it to a month-and-a-half, then two months! A new friend in AA told me at the time to "stay out of slippery places over the Summer" and I made sure I did. I avoided the places that made me the least bit uncomfortable (outdoor patios, parties..) Gradually, I lost touch with the people I hung out with, too. (Funny! They stopped being so sociable with me once I told them I was an alcoholic and I wasn't drinking anymore.) Now, I find I really have no desire to go to the same places I used to or to hang out with the same kind of people. Sobriety really opened up a whole new life for me. Now I really enjoy things like getting up at 6 am and having a coffee and reading the paper (I was never up before noon when I was drinking!) My six year old daughter has never known or seen me as a drunk and I plan to keep it that way. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Christa W. Location: CA Date: 6/18/2002 Time: 9:52:54 PM Comments Hi all, Christa here, alcoholic and haven't had 1 day yet of sobriety this time around. I was reading the Big Book this afternoon after praying alot and BAM the answers to my health concerns are there. Needless to say that tonight I will not drink and I am not worried about spending the summer sober, I am worried about saving my life. Every day is learning to cope with sobriety, I have done it in the past and felt very uncompfortabe in any season. How long does it take to learn how to have fun again? Being drunk is not fun, vomitting after just a few bites of food is not fun. Thinking that the next one will cause a hemorrhage is not a fun way of living. Don't worry about the summer and how to get through it, just keep in mind that there are so many wonderful things that you would miss while drunk. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Wendy N addict Location: New Jersey Date: 6/18/2002 Time: 9:55:54 PM Comments Hi my name is Wendy an i'm an addict. This will be my first summer sober in nearly 20 years and to admit the truth i am scared. I got out of a detox and rehab 10 days ago. Through my abuse of heroin I had completely forgotten how to have fun. I never smiled and at the end of my addiction having reached a spiritual bottom, life no longer held meaning for me. Today i am working the program, attending an intensive outpatient program, going to meetings and listening to my HP. As I sit here, I recognize the importance of learning how to have fun again. I am 33 years old and am just making my first pot of coffee sober. I laugh again today thanks to my HP. I realize that going to meetings is not enough to stay sober. I know that I need to find a home group that is active and offers me the opportunity to get involved and do things with sober people. This is however a scary concept for a women who isolated herslf for so many years and choose the friendship of my drug. I don't know how to have fun. I am however today hopeful, open minded and willing to try anything to help me stay sober. If anyone has any ideas or activities in the northern NJ area please email at codyakawendy@aol.com. Thanks, a grateful recovering addict -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Cranky Old Sober Fart Location: Date: 6/18/2002 Time: 10:24:08 PM Comments Summer, Winter, Spring, or Fall. Don't drink and you can't get drunk. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Nate I. Location: Idaho Date: 6/18/2002 Time: 11:48:56 PM Comments Almost an alcoholic here. I loved reading all your stories. I just got a DUI and went through a intensive DUI class for 18 hours in two days. They told me that I am close to getting a serious problem with alcohol. When I heard that it scared me. I have always been the bad seed of the family. I've tried just about every drug there is and it never fit me. thats when I went to drinking. I've never been a real drinker, I would usally only drink a little than call it quits. I do'nt know if you would call it unlucky but in the 7 years that I have drank I have been at the wrong place at the wrong time. I've had 3 under age comsumpsions from hanging out with friends, having a party and the police got called. Two of those times I had Four to six beers(which with my body wieght 185 gave me a nice buzz). But the third I was starting to black in and out of reality. Then I got this DUI and one of the first things that I thought of was how I just, not only put myself but all of my neices and nephews and all of your children at risk, and that scared me. I can't believe that I would risk all that life just to drive home. Now I have two years on probation to think about that. I hope that my story will help people or confirm what most of what you have known all the time that you have been sober. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Tracy B Location: W Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 12:28:24 AM Comments I also am making my first attempt at a sober summer. I can't remember ever having one!!! Seems like I always decided to go on the wagon in the winter. With the help of counsel and AA and most of all my wife and family!!! I have made a straight thirty days sober. May not seem like much but it is the most I have ever been able to do an it is enormous to me!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Ray C Location: Haines Alaska Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 1:47:31 AM Comments Hi All...was thinking back on my first sober summers and the one thing that came to mind was I began to feel like I belonged with this group of AA people and was beginning to enjoy life and sobriety.Can't say the season had a lot to do with it but like whats all ready been said I was learning to have fun and have a life without alcohol.Got to admit theres more outdoor activities to be enjoyed in the better weather and living where summers are short I take advantage of them now even if it's just sitting by the water watching the birds and dolphins carry on after work.Hope you all enjoy your summer,like I keep reminding myself it's all just a matter of attitude.Thanks for your posts and helping me through another 24 hours. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Rusty D. Location: Los Angeles Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 2:21:05 AM Comments Just like quite a few of you have already said here, this will be my first summer without drinking. I quit on April 15th of this year and have already survived the first half of June. So far, so good! It's great to read all the success stories here and also the posts of others who are (like me) in their first months (or even days) of sobriety. You are all terrific role models! Thanks for the support. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Jack B Location: Palo Alto, Pa Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 2:37:03 AM Comments Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. My first summer of sobriety was back in 1988. I remember thinking how good a cold beer would taste on a hot day. But then I also remembered how good that cold beer tasted at Ft Benjamin Harrison Indiana in 5 degree weather with a chill factor of 20 degrees below zero all alone in a park. The bottom line was beer tasted good anytime of year, anyplace. I am an alcoholic so it didn't matter to me what time of year it was. I was told when I came into A A there are no holidays, just 24hrs at a time in which the real alcoholic does not pick up the first drink. I was a very selcetive alcoholic, I only drank two kinds of beer. Warm or cold. I was also only an occasion drinker when the sun came up, and when the sun set. The only time I refused a drink, was when I misunderstood the question. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless all. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Robert K. Location: Chattanooga Tn. Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 2:46:34 AM Comments Great topic.This is my first sober summer and I'm having an amazing time.I sat in my little dark apartment for ten years trying to blot out reality.For some reason I enjoyed drinking more in the summer.I quit on my own for two months for health reasons before I came to the program, "white knuckling" it.It was the toughest two months of my life and I contemplated suicide several times.I finally drank again I thought to save my sanity.It only made things worse of course.What really set me off was the smell of summer.Plants blooming and the warm winds blowing over the mountains.Wow it brought back memories.It was one more excuse to drink.WORST HANGOVER EVER.If you've not slipped after a couple of months of having that crap out of your system DON'T.Trust me,nothing is worth that.Anyway been in the program a month and it has been the best of my life.Feel like a kid again with those long endless summers.I kept coming back and it has changed everything.Peace to you all.A.A.works. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Ali L Location: SoCal Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 2:49:04 AM Comments Good Topic! Hello group, Ali /Alcoholic here. I am somewhat like Sara Rose in that I am back in the program again after "going out" for a period of time. I heard something once that I will never forget about people who are alcoholics. I can't remember the exact words, but it was something along these lines: "Alcoholics will drink alcoholic drink after alcoholic drink, nine drinks is not a big deal (if you can handle that much) But how many normal people would drink 9 large glasses of orange juice?" i don't know, it doesn't sound as good that way, but you get the point. We are not a normal folk! :-) At any rate - 4th of July was always "my" holiday. I got drunk everytime, yada-yada - you all have done it yourselves so you know how it is. But once I was sober, things changed. I found different ways of doing fun things. The Mid-cities group in Texas used to have a softball team and we'd play against otehr local AA groups, there are dances, we'd go bowling, etc. I got INVOLVED in my group, through meetings, service work, etc. I have NEVER had so much fun as when I was sober! That is the honest truth! For one, I didn't wake up with a hangover! I could remember what I did, and I wasn't putting myself in life-threatening situations anymore. We have all experienced that horrid feeling of waking up with the feeling of "Oh my God, what did I do last night?" Life is meant to be lived, not avoided, and basically that is what alcohol does to us - it lets us escape. I have an adorable 3 month old son and a wonderful husband - I don't want my son to EVER see me the way my husband has. He deserves that and I deserve a good life. Thank you, HP, for another 24. ((Christa)) and ((Wendy)) I am GLAD you are both here!!! Keep coming back, it works if you work it! HP Bless Ali -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: john b Location: taiwan Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 5:19:03 AM Comments Hi, John alcoholic. I did relapse on a number of years ago on the 4th of July. I decided to leave home and visit an old drinking/using buddy in another state. On the way there I bought a six pack of "alcohol-free" beer for old time's sake. When I got there I didn't object to my friend smoking a joint. Within 24 hours I was drunk and passed out on his couch. Even though it was summer my relapse really didn't have anything with summer but had a lot to do with some really bad decisions I made. In retrospect I was planning to get drunk before I ever left home. Sure triggers are different in the summer than winter. But my biggest trigger was waking up and that happened regardless of season. Great to have access to a cyber meeting. I'm overseas and have been away from meetings for over a week-- much too long for me. Thanks for helping me to keep somewhat sane and somewhat serene. God bless. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Paul Mc Location: San Diego Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 12:49:15 PM Comments Paul, alcoholic I certainly do remember my first suummer in sobriety. My greatest fear was " what are people going to think of me now that I'm not drinking." To my great suprise very few eeven noticed and those that said anything were not my friends as I thought they once were, and they no longer held any power over me. I was such a legend in my own mind. I got busy in my own recovery,my antitode to all of my difficulties. I toke the steps with a sponsor, I got active in service, and started to develop a spiritual life. This program has worked well for 12 summers, and it is working today. For the first time in my life I am an active participant in my own life, rather than an unwilling slave to the desires wishes, and perceptions of others. To Calculating of unknown location: 12 pack @ 12.99 x 30= 389.70 residual costs and expenses attorney fees $5,000 bailbondsman $2,000 alimony and childsupport $600/month car impound fees $800 you can increase this list ad infinitum -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: trish Location: ind Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 2:31:05 PM Comments summer winter spring or fall i its a challenge for all alcoholics use the same steps you use to keep yourself from not drinking everyday the steps are the same always just dont stop because your much busier in the summer -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Nancy Location: Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 4:17:57 PM Comments One day at a time and sometimes on hour or min. at a time. If there is any time/day/event/etc that seems to be tougher then do more. Go to more meetings, Keep reading the book, work the steps, call someone daily, BE OF SERVICE, Pray. Remember whatever it is that is challenging will pass so don't quit no matter what. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Jim F Location: Guilin, China Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 4:27:19 PM Comments Just a week away from my 22nd AA anniversary, so I am definitely a summer baby. I stay very close to the program in June because I go through the "cellular memories" stuff, flashbacks to the old days, random brilliant thoughts about drinking, even drunk dreams. They are all good reminders of what got me here and why it is a good idea for me to stay. Ann and I will be leaving Guilin shortly for the rest of our stay in China, which is traveling to Beijing and Xian. It has been a great 3 months. I would recommend the experience to anyone and everyone interested in living inside another culture. We will still be traveling on my actual AA birthday, so I will have to wait and celebrate with my home group when we get back to Sequim, Washington. Thank God for e-mail, so we can keep in touch with friends back home. Thanks to all of you who are involved in Staying Cyber, maintaining the site or just participating. It has been our meeting away from home during this whole stay. Yes, I promise to "check in" when we get back home. It has been nice getting to know you. I am posting this farewell here in the Discussion Meeting because it stays a little longer than the Pot. God blessed Jim from Sequim -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Stacy G. Location: Murray, Ky Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 5:34:52 PM Comments Hi everyone! I was so inspired by reading all of your comments. So many of you seemed to have really changed the way you approach your lives. Keep living alcohol-free and enjoy the zest of life that God so freely has given you! I am a graduate student and am in-training so that I can lead support groups such as AA. I was wondering if you think the on-line support group is an asset to your recovery? I have a strong desire to learn more about having effective support groups and this question came to mind. I don't mean to intrude, but were wondering if you could answer this question. Thanks so much and may God bless you all! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Chloe T. Location: Louisville, KY Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 5:48:44 PM Comments I have 84 days. I had not been in a relationship for almost 2 years and was cocky about the fact when I first got sober that I would have no problem with getting involved. Never say never an accident happened. I do thank God because I was able to tell that it was a sick relationship from the start, and I ended it....but I still have them stupid broken heart feelings because I really liked the guy. And I guess I just need to talk about it. I am not having problems staying away from a drink but the behavior that leads to a drink. Also I know I have to let go and let go, turn him over etc (i am working on it) but I am still in the stages of getting even. He is sick, I am sick and it's over that is the best thing that could of happened to both of us.....I am just still having the heartache which is normal. I have had it before in the past and I know from experience that it goes away. I will pray to let go, God had this happen for a reason. I feel like I am just saying this stuff so I can hear it. This too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass....in this short 3 week relationship I never skipped my meetings and for that I am grateful...I love AA! Thank God for giving that feeling in my gut when I am participating in unhealthy behavior and for AA giving me the strength to do whats right for me. I want to make a final comment that is coming from a sick mind.....I made the decision to end it with him....he turned it around on me and now I feel worthless...how do I get back to healthy thinking on this I am confused. I should be happy....now the truth comes out in the end that is exactly how I feel....I know tomorrow will be better....any feedback besides badgering me for being in a relationship early on........please what's done is done. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: richard m Location: sarasota Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 6:26:33 PM Comments hi my name is richard m...i am an alcoholic....clean and sober in aa since...12/28/1985.or 6017 days of sobriety..by the grace of god. my first summer was spent living in the streets...at the salvation army...working for the carnival....but not drinking...still smoked and drank lots of coffee and loved the cookies..the hugs and the hand shakes.... Today i am losing my house..and packing up to put things in storage..then wherever god wants me to continue staying...i will with his grace and love..take care and see you later..as i may have to off line...well ihave been in this house 11 years and can use a vacation..for real..any one wanna adopt me.....email me ,,,,rjpmoody@webtv.net..57......swm.disabled..love ,peace and happiness to you~!from sarasota ,florida -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: meg Location: usa Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 10:19:11 PM Comments My name is Meg. I am an addict and alcoholic, with 112 days of sobriety. It has been HARD to avoid that urge to drink or drug, but it is getting easier each day to realize that to drink or drug, for me, is a matter of life or death. Whatever the season doesn't really make a difference for me-- I'm learning to avoid situations where there will be mind-altering substances. I'll attend meetings as often as possible. I find breathing exercises are great for anger and anxiety. I call my sponsor. (if you don't have one, GET ONE!) The summer is a particularly GREAT time to grow with this program. In fact, today I took a long (7 or so miles) walk, brought my Big Book along, prayed, got some exercise, relaxed, wrote in my journal, sunbathed... I hope this is helpful. (I usually do more listening than sharing). KEEP COMING BACK! It works! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Nancy Location: Date: 6/19/2002 Time: 10:35:46 PM Comments I don't want to be rude here but no amount of schooling can qualify you to lead an AA meeting. This is a place for alcoholics who are living life sober one day at a time. I don't think this is the site for you to do your studies. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Jeff B Location: Ames, Iowa Date: 6/20/2002 Time: 2:24:57 AM Comments My name is Jeff and Im an alcoholic, by the grace of God and AA I havent had to take a drink since 6/19/1989 and Im very grateful. I thought I would/should respond to JC in NC (6/16/2002 10:38pm) since I dont think anyone else has. JC, I dont know much but I know Ive never seen or heard of anyone getting drunk at an AA meeting. When I was where you are I went to a meeting every day (sometimes more than one a day). I look back now and know that my motives during that period were not pure by any means. I went to impress my estranged wife, the court(I was on paper), the people at the meetings and anyone else that I thought might be paying attention. It also helped that those people seemed to welcome me, they smiled and offered me coffee and told me to keep coming back--I sure hadnt heard that from anyone else for a while! In short, I stayed sober for several months by going to meetings and little else and thats OK. It also helped alot when I got a sponsor. Remember, you dont have to go to a meeting a day forever, you dont have to keep your first sponsor forever; just do it TODAY! I also have to remember that the most likely time for me to drink is when I feel great and thats when I need to be in a meeting and/or talking to my sponsor. Just keep coming back. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Erma G. Location: Utica,N.Y. Date: 6/20/2002 Time: 5:02:03 AM Comments In early sobriety I got very resentful when students from the local colleges came to AA meetings to learn about the program.Then my sponsor told me that no one ends up in an AA meeting by mistake.The 12 steps of AA have been used to help people with all different kinds of problems.Everyone has problems of one kind or another at some point in their life.When you go to meetings try to identify with the feelings and solutions to everyday situations.You'll never hear anything at an AA meeting that wil hurt you.Open meetings welcome anyone.Keep that in mind when choosing where and when you will attend.I wish you well in your studies and hope that whatever your particular life problems are you can find some peace in dealing with them by applying the principles of our fellowship. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Robert F. Location: Taiwan Date: 6/20/2002 Time: 10:32:03 AM Comments I don't recall much about my first sober summer,but--thank God--I do remember my last drunk summer, and that's what keeps me coming back to AA. I was a year 'round drinker anyway, it didn't really matter what the season was. Thanks for letting me share, and thank you for sharing your experience, strenght, and hope. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Jennifer Location: Louisiana Date: 6/20/2002 Time: 12:12:03 PM Comments Chloe, I have so been where you're at Sistergirl. You sound like you're doing great under the circumstances. Keep doing what works for you. I just let the guy in my life come stay w/us (me and my 3 kids) for a while. He and I were best friends, and when people said we would end up together, we would spend 15 minutes explianing that "it's not like that for us" DUH>>>I guess everyone saw it but us. I really needed to read what you had to say, just to remiind myself whwat can (and usually does) happen. Keep going to meetings, talk to your sponsor, and don't drink. Keep your chin up. You're right...this too shall pass. Much love...Jen -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Joe P. Location: Chicago Date: 6/20/2002 Time: 2:17:03 PM Comments Hi all, my name is Joe, and I’m an alcoholic. How to stay sober in the summer. Oh shoot, it’s already been said. Don’t drink and go to meetings. I do have a kinda favorite memory of my first summer sober. It was a hot June evening, and I was cooking dinner on the grill, sitting on the patio, writing out my 4th step. That’s it. Work the steps with a veteran sponsor, don’t drink, and go to meetings. Same as every other day, ODAAT. Thanks all for sharing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Carrie K. Location: Anchorage, Alaska Date: 6/20/2002 Time: 6:29:46 PM Comments Carrie, ALCOHOLIC, first summer sober was very difficult, I remember that much! Actually it was the spring time that made summer difficult. But, I was still in outpatient treatment, and they along with my sponsor told me what I needed to do. I continued with treatment, went to many meetings, did a lot of service work, stuck with the winners, don't hang out with the old partying buddies, or places, and pray, pray, pray. Summertime is beautiful, enjoy it and stay sober to enjoy it! God Bless all of you, thanks for being "there" for me, today! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: leah f Location: washington Date: 6/20/2002 Time: 7:04:22 PM Comments hi everyone, it's good to read everyone's comments/suggestions, for this will be my first summer without getting high. many of my summers were dedicated to excessive partying and consuming as many mind altering drugs my body could handle, acid was really big for me and my friends during the summers, among everything else! we always had concerts , bbq's and campouts to attend and of course we HAD to get loaded, but this eventually had to come to a hault, i found out i was pregnant at the end of the summer in 98', and everything changed, i stopped using everything, but after having my son the following April, i started smoking weed and drinking occasionly again that next summer, it always seemed to go hand in hand. so now i'm faced with new prospects/activities(or at least some of the same, but sober)but i feel confident i'm older and i have more responsibilities/consequences, and most inportantly my son, he has the ability to make everything new and fun again, without using!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: R C Location: Date: 6/20/2002 Time: 11:50:32 PM Comments I stopped drinking late last summer so this will be my first full summer. And so I've thought about the challenges I may face, especially living in a resort town. But since it has been a while since my last drink and I have realized that I can have fun while sober I am not so worried about it. I realize however that at parties (where usually the point is to drink) and at bars (where almost always the point is to get drunk) I don't have as much fun and feel like the odd man out. Duh, everyone else is there to get drunk - which is not the good time I once thought it to be. So, overall, it's not a good idea to go to parties and bars. (Another duh.) The reason I decided to write was to say that I am glad I will be sober tonight and be able to get up at 7am eastern time and watch the U.S. kick Germany's butt in the World Cup match tomorrow morning. (Soccer) Okay, our chances are slim. But I'll be able to get up and watch. Thanks to A.A 'ers and thanks to sobriety for that. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Stacy G. Location: M Date: 6/21/2002 Time: 1:42:49 PM Comments Erma G., Thank you for your comments. They were extremely useful to me. I wish all of you the best. Yes, we all have problems of different types. May God lead you safely on the journey through yours. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: ChrisH. Location: Fla. Date: 6/21/2002 Time: 4:11:19 PM Comments I'm XChris , I'm an alcoholic/addict/bulimic...Here in FLa. the summers are not a lot different from the rest of the year, so I guess I should be greatful that staying sober in the summer is just as hard as staying sober in ther winter. THere are always those thoughts,though, of having a nice cool one by the pool, and I have to use the same principles of the program that I usethe rest of the year. ...I just need to think through those romantic thoughts of drinking and realize that there is no romance in where that first drink takes me. THink, think, think. .....In my home group, Friday is gratitude day... So today I have alot to be greatful for. My higher Power, who I call GOd, has "lifted me out of the mirey clay" today, and for that I am eternally greatful. I was having a VERY difficult day yesterday, and instead of panicking and being depressed and having "stinkin' thinkin'", I really worked on living in the moment, and turning my future over to Him. I got busy and tried to get out of myself by giving to others(boy did that help. There is always someone whose problems are worse than your own). Today I have gotten some very specific relief from the problems I was facing. So the saying, "Hang on until the miracle happens" really applied to me today. I know the answers will not always come this spcifically or this rapidily, but it has taught me that God does love me and that when things look their darkest, HE still has me in the palm of His hand. Have a good sober weekend everyone! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Greg N Location: MI Date: 6/21/2002 Time: 4:25:23 PM Comments Like so many people have touched on, the season of the year or holiday around the cormer or day of the week are not my focus. I simply focus on TODAY, not drinking today, getting through today, and getting up tomorrow and dealing with tomorrow then. As I've said many times, keeping things simple is the key for me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Kimberly W. Location: North Carolina Date: 6/22/2002 Time: 2:35:31 AM Comments Hi, I'm Kimberly and I'm an alcoholic. This is my second day of sobriety. Three months ago, I was in a car accident and broke my neck. I had to remain in the hospital for the entire 3 months and was just released on yesterday. The accident was not due to alcohol, but it gave me an excuse (as if I needed one) to use and ahve friends to sneak alcohol up to my room or pay the nurses to smuggle it in. I'm grateful that I found AA and that I am looking forward to a good summer, a sober summer. From reading your shares, I see that fun has a lot to do with not drinking,getting to meetings, calling my sponsor. Does anyone know of any AA activities in Eastern North Carolina or the peninsula area of virginia (Va Beach, Norfolk, NewporNews, Hampton)? If so, please email me at: drkswilliams@yahoo.com Thank you all for your ESH here on this discussion list. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Gage Location: LA Date: 6/22/2002 Time: 7:14:46 AM Comments To JC in North Carolina, hope you are still reading. Hi, JC, I'm Gage, an alcoholic. Maybe you are like me. I really had to get with some people in AA face to face, because at first, just to stay off the bottle long enough for something else to happen, I just had to let some folks sit on me. I spent many a night sitting with my sponsor or some other sober alcoholic in a coffee shop instead of going home because I knew that if I got alone for too long, I was going to drink. If I could just make it to my bed sober, I was okay til the next day, but if I had too many waking hours spent alone, I was going to get cooked and I knew it. So, whether I was really interested in sitting around with the folks or not, I did it. A lot of the time, my discussion with those folks got turned to the steps, and I got something out of it that I didn't know I was getting. Also, I got to where I enjoy being around these people. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Mark K Location: Florida Date: 6/22/2002 Time: 12:13:00 PM Comments I have not been sober for a summer in my life.I am going to try and make this one my first -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Rhonda Location: Houston Date: 6/22/2002 Time: 12:31:41 PM Comments Hi I'm Rhonda, Alcoholic, Addict. I am celebrating my 7th sober summer. It really didnt matter to me what time of year it was I was always high or drunk. I didn't need a season to get started. I was miserable and made the people's lives around my the same way. Get a sponsor and go to alot of meetings this summer. AA clubs have lots of summer activites. the fellowship with other alcoholics always helps. Welcome to the newcomers, they are the most important people here. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Robin Location: Florida Date: 6/22/2002 Time: 1:56:16 PM Comments Member: Kimberly W. Location: North Carolina Try posting yopur area on the Coffee Pot page, there are some good AAers in your area, plus lots of folks who will listen to your share. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Me Location: again Date: 6/22/2002 Time: 1:57:39 PM Comments oops-meant to say "Tyr posting your area..." Slip of the finger-lol. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: Not Location: Me again... Date: 6/22/2002 Time: 1:58:59 PM Comments Damn! I am dyslexic! "Try posting your area..." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Member: anonymous alcoholic Location: 2689 Ridgecrst Drive Date: 6/22/2002 Time: 4:18:02 PM Comments My first summer sober was a little difficult due to a family reunion, but my mother was there (duh!) and she had been sober 6 yrs thru AA, so it wasn't that tough. Thanks. http://www.ceahow.org/corner.htm