Written by Lord of Nightmares
Written at 05-03-2002 12:00 PM
Written by Tanith 05-03-2002 12:05 PM
Miss Bloom: We do have psi-blocker implants in stock sir. And we have several models of cycles, both motorized and not, with various features on them.
She hands LoN several pages of forms.
Miss Bloom: Please fill out this application. We'll need to know your specific preferences, as well as your powers in order to determine the method of payment.
Written at 05-03-2002 12:20 PM
I think I'll start simple for the bike, with an option to upgrade later. I'd like it to be partially motorized, converting my peddling into power for the bike. The ability to fly and ride up walls would be good, as would an onboard AI, preferably with a personality. I expect to be able to attain speeds up to 75 mph on the ground and stop very quickly. It should partially protect me from attacks and permit the extension of a TK field around it. I think i'll also purchase some IR goggles, a net launcher, and a bell that can, at a higher setting, hurt people's ears.
Powers: I have powerful telekinesis, which i use for movement and combat. I can also perform various sorts of powerful magicks, limited only by the laws of this world. In addition, I can find most anyone or anything and avoid attacks before they I see them. I trust they would be suffient to pay this off?
Written at 05-03-2002 03:45 PM
I was nervous. I'd signed off on an unspecfied quest just for the sake of a new bike, and I wasn't sure I could handle whatever they through at me. Still, I did sign on to be a superhero, so... "What do you need?" I asked.
The woman behind the counter smiled. "The fabled last book of Douglas Adams. The one he was writing before his death. It is whispered that it contains answers to many great secrets. It also may have a new Dirk Gently story. However, nobody has been able to locate it, and we do not know why. All conventional means have failed. You say that you can find things. Find the book, and we will let you keep this equipment. Fail to find it, and not only will you have to do something else, but you won't get to read the new story. Do you understand?"
I nodded, my mind racing. I'm a geek. Always have been, probably always will be. I was being asked to find a Holy Grail of geekdom. There was only one problem... "Um, its possible it may be in England, or even in another dimension. What will I do if thats the case?"
The woman laughed. "Just ask for a trans-dimensional teleporter to be added to the bike, and if you find this, we just might let you keep it. Oh, and you have 42 days. I doubt it will take that long, but, well, you understand."
I smiled. A few hours later, my hat was mind-proof and my bike was new. After stopping to pick up a few towels, I headed back to HALST island. I had work to do.
Written at 05-03-2002 06:52 PM
Written at 05-13-2002 05:04 PM
Because absolutly nobody demanded it... and becaues I'm sick of writing papers... I shall tell the story of how I got my fabulous bike and learned a valuable lesson about life....
What has come before: Chris Brimstone, bard, spellslinger, and all-around nice guy, has gone shopping for a new bike. He has been given the bike, but he must first complete a quest: find the Last Book of Douglas Adams, said to contain both the secrets of the universe and a new Dirk Gently story. He has arranged to have all the Douglas Adams stuff that HALST members own arranged at a certain point, and he has just returned from a most unusual trip....
Now: *Chris rides up on his bike, which seems to be covered with something furry. As he gets closer, you can see that its surrounded by a large shell of towels. Its towing a few mattresses, and you could swear there's a matchbook somewhere on it. It also smells faintly of fish, and you start to gag as he pulls in for a landing in front of the pile of books* Hey guys! Thanks... that was quick work. You've all got your towels? Good. I gathered these from fans all around the city. I even popped over to Neil's house and grabbed his-- i figured I should get one from somoene who knew DNA personally. Anyway, here's what you need to do: concentrate. Think about all the references you made, all the silly jokes, and all the signs you have that say "beware of the Leopard." Every joke... every reference... just think about it very hard! I'm going to turn on the empathy and do some writing.....
Written at time
Ahhhh! So much! 42... agajag... infinate improbablilty... 42.... *writes so fast his pen starts to burn, and then writes some more, and keeps writing...* Nine hours later... Phew. I'm done. Okay, I've got all the stuff I need. The psychic impression of all of HALST, plus the entire city. Now, I'm going to read this aloud, and hopefully the sympathetic magic will kick in. All the emotion you peeps feel toward him and his works should open a whole to the book. I suggest getting prepared for a battle, though. I've got no idea what's going to happen, and this might get interactive very fast. *gets on the bike* Jane: be prepared to perform evasive manuvers. Everyone else... get ready.
Written at time 05-13-2002 06:05 PM
starts reading aloud for a while. lighting flashes, penguins start popping up, an octopus starts mating with a sperm whale, Tanith becomes unpopular, men change into girls, and time is revealed to be merely the wink of a man who is also a god who is also a frog who is also also also also... Wow. changes into a fish I've changes into Plastic Man unleashed changes into a small carbon rod an grows five mouths in his stomach infinate becomes a small coin in Ramz' hand improbablity grabs a whale with his mind and starts dragging it over the ground, which is now swiss cheese storm. Assume improbable things are happening. I don't feel like writing them all. Can anyone stop this? Wait... there's something in the middle of the storm... it looks like a book... grabs it with his mind, which is currently the missing period in this sentence And Jane is somehow uneffected... which is incredibly improbable... of course! hurls the book the bike's seat Jane! Book! Electronic! Interface! Download contents! Now!
A million improbable things happen. Then they stop. Then they start happening again. And finnally, they stop. Wow. That was... odd. The reason they couldn't find the book is because it was actually a copy of the Hitchiker's Guide itself. The fact that Douglas Adams would make a book that was also the book he wrote about is completly improbable, and the fact that such a book would generate an infinate improbablity drive is also improbable. In other words... stuff happened that shouldn't. But we've got the book. Jane, read us the new Dirk Gently novel.
She does. And i'm not going to write it because i'm not Douglas Adams
Wow. That was good. Okay, keep a copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide on your computer-- it might come in handy. Download one to the HALST mainframe, too. And make me an early-warning amulet. I seem to have lost my spider-sense. But i can runs around the world and comes back with a bunch of touristy stuff tap into the Speed Force now. Yay!
And thus things happened, and I kept the bike, and I learned my lesson, and I've got a copy of the Hitchiker's Guide... and my finals aren't done... and thank you to everyone who got his far. *tips his hat*
Written at 05-13-2002 06:09 PM
Ohhh... pretty planet.... Guide: Tell me everything about this place. And the demons we will face. And I'll stop speaking in rhyme. If you do this in time. *pops a wheelie and starts to ride off* Do you guys want me to do some scouting? *writes some stuff and speaks it* Evil shall never touch you/unless a feather has it/and there are not feathers here/so you should be okay. There.
Written at 05-14-2002 02:35 PM
Woohoo! Alright... unlike most people my age, I seem to be dressed okay for this place. *walks in. Imediattly, a waiter recognizes him and takes him to a table in front of Sam, the piano player* I remember you! You used to work at... Right! The place my managed for a while! Yea, he's doing okay... lost the new restaurnat, but he'll be okay soon. What? Manage this place? I'll ask him. Anyway, thanks. I'll have a steak, medium rare, and a glass of your best red wine.
Written at 05-14-2002 04:22 PM
Written at 05-14-2002 04:41 PM
Written at 05-14-2002 05:08 PM
"Damn. I'm in jail. I always figured my first time would be because of some protest but nope... i'm being jailed by the Nazis. There's not much they can do to me here, but I'm still worried. If they reverse-engineer Jane, then WWII is going to look a whole lot worse. I can't do anything dangerous to her, but i'm not a scientist, and i'm sure she's pack with junk they could use. Wait... i've got an idea! Um.. guys.. would you... ulp... guess not. Well, back to doodling. Maybe if I write out a spell it'll... !!!! Eurka!"
*draws a crude stick figure with very long arms and writes one short word on its forehead* The Universe is keeping my writing-magic from working, but I doubt it expects drawing. If I can just remember how to pronounce it... *reads the word. the stick-golem climbs out of the dust and tries to stand up. it falls over, but soon learns to walk on its "hands'* Wow. The drawing was most of the spell... and the word needed to activate it was so small the Universe didn't stop me. Go, Sticky! Find the key! *one hour and much screaming later, Chris and the men are standing outside the door. three thrilling fights and one dead Nazi later, and they are standing outside the lab*
Jane! I'm here! Get up, run over those Nazis, and lets get out of here! *gets on the bike and superspeeds to another dimension, returning with a short metal stick. The Nazis shoot at him, but the bullets bounce off the bike's dashboard* Look into the light. *FLASH*
There. None of this happened. I'd like to go bust some Nazis, but it'd screw up my movie... *tips his hat* Here's looking at you, kids! *rides off into another dimension, presumably one with lots of easy-to-kill Nazis*
Written at 05-14-2002 05:39 PM
In other words, i'll all pumped up! Lets go hunt some demons! But first... *teleports to Mon Calamari* there. All clean.
Anyone want any spells cast on them? *teleports out, and then comes back in. the bike has two long lances on the end of it, and he's carrying a sword* Or any weapons? Or any info?
Written at 05-18-2002 05:55 PM
Howdy. Hate to interupt the debates, but can you guys point me to some sort of magical focusing spot? One where I can make a protection circle and stuff? Thanks. I just had a really cool idea, and I think I can make it work. I just need to get some things, as usaual. *whistles* C'mon, Jane! Gidyap! Woohoo!
Twelve hours later, at the Magic Circle:
Whew... that was crazy. But I think we've got it all. Jane, I need you here to help the balance between magic and technology. *lays out 9 pieces of mediatronic paper in the center of the circle* Interface with these, please.
*places 9 feathers, 9 soulstones, 9 Dark Souls, and 9 hologram projectors on the mediatronic paper and starts to chant*
Nine Hours Later
Whew... I... whew... guys... watch... come quick... I made... magic... paper... anyone... can use it.... watch.... *takes a sharp stick and writes "Refreshing Water was Created" on the paper. as he forms the words, they are spoken in horrific voices, and water forms in a small basin* Now... the test... hope this works... *drinks the water, grimaces, collapses, and wakes up 9 seconds later* It does! I bonded the Dark Souls to the mediatronic paper, and the technology enhanced the magic-- made it universal. If you can use a pen, you can now create magic. I can make a batch of the paper every 24 hours, and I normally get a magic number times another magic number: 7 times 7 sheets, or 9 times 9 sheets, or 42 times 42 sheets. When you write with the pens, the souls trapped inside the paper scream out the words, and their magic enhances the tech-- and things happen. After a day the sheets are recharged. So... who wants a free sample? *hands out samples to HALST, and seals the rest inside a compartment in Jane* Wow. This is great. Now all I need to do is figure out how to market this, and keep it from falling into evil hands, and I'm in business!
Written at 05-18-2002 06:06 PM