But the explanation came too late. She didn’t even tell me about the pregnancy—Noranti did. And when I confronted Aeryn about it (okay, maybe confronted is too harsh, more like gently ask her), she still didn’t say anything. Maybe she was gonna tell me about the paternity question thing, but the thing with the plant cut short that talk.

The really insidious thing was, when I found out Aeryn was pregnant part of me thought that it mightn’t be mine (my DNA anyway) and that was why she left without saying anything. But to hear it fourth hand (from D’Argo who heard it from Chiana, who heard it from Rygel) it seemed like everyone knew that little development before I did.

That’s what burned—Aeryn only gave me the PK pregnancy talk after she knew I knew she was pregnant and that I may not be the father. She never told me anything before, and now comes out with a ‘copout’ explanation. I love her so much, but how can I trust that this is the truth?

“Aeryn, I figure a relationship, the kind we’re not having, is based on trust.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, me too. ‘Cause you don’t trust me. So I don’t know how to trust you.”
“I think I’ve earned your trust.”
“I would put my life in your hands… but not my heart.”
“So what’s it going to take? What do I have to do?”
“Just come back when you have your story straight.”

Not the nicest of things to say, but I can’t help feeling that way. Nothing’s been the same, not for a long time. Not since him, not since I was ‘twinned’. She says there’s no distinction in her mind anymore between me and… the other me, but it’s not the same. I missed that dance.

Maybe Aeryn’s telling the truth, but you can’t back-pedal that much. You can’t take back the past, no matter how much you may want to. We’ve all said things, did things we’d rather take back; but it is impossible. We can’t go back again. Too much has happened.