THE GRATEFUL DEAD?
SALLY REYNOLDS......ADVICE COLUMNIST?..........by Coralynn
Marilyn opens her stack of mail and yells, "Whoopee!"
William, being only half way through his five daily newspapers, looks up and asks, "Whoopeee, what, Marilyn?"
Eleanor, Bess and Marthy are also seated around the table and wait for her reply.
"This is such a surprise! Let me explain. You know in my book "Confessions of a Sex Goddess" where I put a chapter in about advice to young women thinking of entering a modeling or movie career? Well, it appears that this news column syndicate wants me to write an advice column to fill the gap left when Ann Landers died. They want it to be called 'Dear Sally.'"
"How exciting!" Eleanor exclaims, "Is it to be a daily column?"
Marilyn scans the letter and replies, "Yes, seven days a week! You know, I think I could do it! It pays well and they say my....let's see....quote: 'uncanny resemblance to Marilyn Monroe' will be an asset. I just hope it isn't a distraction!"
Bess and Marthy aren't sure just what this job is. Marilyn sees their confusion, so reaches across the table and picks out the section of one of the newspapers that contains Dear Abby. She opens the paper to it and shows the young women.
"Here, see.......people write in with their problems and she tells them her opinion about what to do...."
Marthy comments, "I know you give great advice, Marilyn. Remember yesterday?"
Marilyn smiles and winks, "Oh yes, that was good advice, and I see you have one of the books with you."
"Oh yes, I carry it around everywhere. Whenever I get a few minutes, I read more......this stuff is great. All those battles! You'd think the author was writing from the battlefield. And the romances........it just gets better and better!"
Bess is curious and opens Marthy's book, 'The Sunne in Spendor.' "I really need to brush up on my reading skills so I can read big books like this, too."
William interjects, "So, Marilyn, or rather Sally, when do you start?"
"I have to email a reply, then it says they'll fax me the employment forms and after I fax them back I'm officially hired. Of course we have to wait till people start writing in, unless I want to make up the first few. We'll see. Eleanor, can you help me get your computer online so I can do this? I tend to mess up, and this is way too important to let that happen!"
"Let's do it!" Eleanor gets out of her chair and the two women go into Eleanor's computer room.
Jack enters the kitchen and glances quickly at Marthy, hoping she isn't angry with him. He feels embarrassed about their little scenario when she suddenly appeared in that skimpy costume and he got overly excited. He sits in the chair vacated by Eleanor and quiety sips his coffee. Marthy is reading. Hmmmm, she's been doing nothing but read the last 24 hours. He glances at the title of the book. Looks like a serious tome. BIG, too, it must go on for what, 900 pages?
She looks up and sees him looking at her.
"Have you ever read historical fiction, Jack? This is a book about Richard the Third. Did you know that he was not really a hunchback? And he did not kill the Princes in the Tower?"
"Who?!"
"I'll lend it to you when I'm done," she tells him with just the slightest hint of superiority in her voice, "You have a good 800 years of history to catch up on."
Jack smiles at her, not knowing what else to do. Who IS Marthy now that she's in the 21st century? Could she be a budding intellectual? That's always possible, he thinks, back in the 12th century she never had the chance to develop her mind. Now, she really looks like she's on a roll!! Looks like I'd better try to keep up with her. Those computer and technology courses I'm taking are terrific, but not enough, it appears.
Wow, Marthy.......a smart girl. Who would have known?!
"POSTCARDS" from PARIS.....by Terri
Subj: Double B Ranch
Date: 7/11/03
From: austintatious@aol.com
To: olsen007@aol.com
T.S. bought the "aw shucks I'm an old cow-hand routine." Move into guest house this afternoon. Three month trial period, hopefully master of the domain will return within time co-ordinates. Should I take care of the bug problem? Advise. Other problem showed up at premises, clutch situation with T.S. Mr. Jake seems content with living arrangements, intends to move to another spot, another boss. Will keep apprised of situation, garment in question still not shown up.
Billy Bob read the email three times. Clutch situation? What the heck is going on?
Jake is going somewhere? But where to? Certainly not the pound! Did she give him away? DAMN! That's one fine dog,too. Got to get him to bug the place, too. See just what she intends to do and what is going on. Better email him back.
Subj: Mr. Jake
Date 7/11/03
From: olsen007@aol.com
To: austintatious @aol.com
Congratulations on your new employment. I trust you will find the terms satisfactory.
Please commence on installing "pesticide" as bedrooms and office seem very susceptible to infestation. Please advise on where employee Mr. Jake has moved to as his occupational license will have to be forwarded. Monitor closely other situation, may have to remedy from afar.
Mark Olsen
FOR YOU ARE MINE.....AT LAST.....by Terri
Rosamond went into John's office at the gym. She threw herself down on the chair and stretched out her legs.
"What a day! I hired a foreman and a contractor and acquired a dog!"
Jake was sitting in John's office quietly and when he saw Rose he jumped onto her lap. She laughed. "Good boy! Billy Bob did one thing well, he trained this dog!"
Jake licked Rosamond's face.
John laughed. "Lucky dog!" and grabbed Jake by the collar.
John said, "I get out of here at 5:00, do you want to go out to dinner?"
Rosamond said, "Do you think I should be dating a week after my husband was murdered?"
"If it will make you feel better, we will go to some out of the way place, just the two of us. No housemates, no kids, no dog, no dorky officers, no time travel. Just two people out for a nice fancy dinner in a posh restaurant. What do you say, honey?"
"I say that is oh, so nice! Let's get dressed up! Funny--we are dating yet we are parents!"
Rose blew him a kiss, picked up her things and went home.
When John got home he bounded up the steps. Rose was soaking in a bubble bath.
He knocked on the door and stuck his head in. "Ah, there you are!"
Rose said, "I don't think William would approve!"
John grinned. "Then he better not find my bathrobe on the bathroom door hook!"
Rose threw her washcloth at him as he shut the door.
She came out, wrapped in her robe. John had kicked off his shoes and was stretched out on the bed. She said, "John, you'd better get dressed in your own room. You know how William is. He only let us stay together over the Christmas holidays because he felt sorry for me."
John sighed, "OK, but it is so hypocritical." Then he grinned wickedly. "But I'll be back, love! When the moon is full...." and closed the door.
Rose had already asked Celeste and William if they would watch Will and Julie while they went to dinner.
Rose was wearing a shimmery silver dress, her hair caught up in a twist with tendrils around her face. "Mummy! You look just like a princess!" Will wrapped herself around her legs. She hugged him tightly. "And you are my little knight in shining armor--or at least Pooh Bear pajamas!"
She kissed him.
John came down, dressed in a blue silk shirt and sport coat.
Celeste exclaimed. "You look just great, both of you!"
"Thanks, Celeste! We have 7:30 reservations, we'd better be going. Don't wait up for us!" he winked. Celeste gave him a thumbs up.
John had picked a small, elegant restaurant in Hastings-on-Hudson. It overlooked the Hudson River. The maitre d' showed them to their table.
Seated, Rose looked out the window. "It is just gorgeous, John! I really needed this night out!"
He smiled across the table at her. "I did too, sweetheart." He held her hand.
Rose said, "We have been through alot together, John. Did you ever envision us like this--in love? When did you first realize you loved me?"
John smiled in reminiscence. "I think it was when you and I ended up in that hottub together at the Plaza. Remember? I had slipped down there after hours and you came down and thought you were all alone and slipped in there too? We ordered that Dom Perignon and the next day William pitched a fit when he saw how much we had and how much it cost? I knew I was strongly attracted to you when I kissed you that night Constable Spencer attacked you. But at that time I was married to Elizabeth. What about you? When did you realize you first loved me?"
Rose smiled. "Well, I was attracted to you right from the beginning. Remember when Wiliam ate those berries and was stoned? We hid him and El in the straw but I rode up on the buckboard with you. I think I loved you all along, I was just too stupid to know it. I think I really felt it when we were in New Orleans together. You rescued me from Pierre Du Pre, you punched his lights out at Hilma Burts. And now 100 years later you punched out his great grandson for me! We wasted so much precious time!"
The waiter brought them champagne.
"Rosamond, what was our most romantic time together?"
"Oh, it had to be at the chapel. You were so romantic, proposing with the daffodils and roses. What about you, John?"
"Easy. It had to be when Julie was born during that storm and I had to deliver her.
That is one experience I will never forget!"
'HA! Romantic for you, maybe, a pain in the butt for me! I thought I was going to die that night!"
John poured the champagne. "May all our days be filled with love and sunshine."
They ordered dinner, filet mignon.
John said, "OK, we have to have dessert."
"Oh, John, I couldn't! I am too stuffed!"
"Oh, come on, Rosamond! Just get something light."
" If you insist!" To the waiter she said, "I'll have the chocolate cheesecake."
"Make it two."
John said, "Rosamond, have you ever considered moving in with me?"
Rose said, "William would never allow it. You know that."
"Rose, we have a child. Does William think we found her in a cabbage patch, with blue and pink leaves?"
Rose laughed and said. "Probably."
John said, "We could move into our own place...ah! Here's the dessert!"
The waiter brought two silver covered platters.
Rose whispered to John, "How fancy!" and with a flourish, the waiter took the lid off Rosamond's platter. On a bed of flowers and in a small velvet box sat a solitaire diamond with a gold band.
She gasped. John got up, picked up the ring, went down on one knee, placed it on her finger and said, "Rosamond de Clifford, will you marry me? Legally now!"
Rosamond sat there speechless and finally found her voice. "Yes! Yes! John, I will marry you!"
And the entire restaurant gave them a standing ovation.
THE APPARITION??.......by Coralynn
WandaSue, aka Susan Hemingway, aka Sharon something-or-other, aka Betsy Warner, gets a vicious gleam in her eyes and dials Jameson's cellphone. So what if it's 2 am?
It rings quite a few times, then finally she hears Jameson's groggy voice say, "Give me a break, Billy Bob, it may be morning in Paris, but it's only 2 am here!"
She clicks off.
What a stroke of luck!! Billy Bob is in Paris, is he? She paces the room, then another gleam shines from her eyes as she goes to her luggage and fishes around inside for a particular item.
There it is! The time travel locket! She holds it for a few minutes, wondering if it will give her the ability to travel through space without a time change.
"Let's test this baby out," she tells herself, "I want to be in Lincoln Center!"
Zooom, she finds herself standing outside Lincoln Center by the fountain. Hot damn! She wishes herself back into her apartment.
"Now, for the big test!" she takes a deep breath and says, "I wish to be in Paris or wherever Billy Bob Montgomery is right now!"
Zoooom, plop!! She finds herself sitting in a seat on the Chunnel, going under the English Channel. She looks at the seat beside her and it's none other than.........
Billy Bob's eyes bug out of his head, "How did YOU get here?" he looks panic stricken.
"Going shopping in London, are we Billy Bob? Going to buy your little Rosebud wife a trinket? Listen, bud, I know! I know everything! Be afraid, be very afraid!" and with that she walks briskly to one of the rest rooms.
She breaths heavily from the adrenalin rush. Wow! I did it! Now to go back again!
She says, "I wish to be back in my apartment where I started out from." zooooooom!!!
Billy Bob is trying to eat the breakfast placed before him, but he must'nt take his eyes off the rest room door. WandaSue is sure to come out of there pretty soon. He lifts his coffee cup, still staring fixedly at the door, and dribbles coffee down his shirt.
Damn!
He tries to eat the scrambled eggs without looking down at them and half his forkfull goes in his lap.
Blast!
He knows he can't spread the jelly on his toast without looking down, so he eats it dry.
Yuck!
The attendant removes the meal. Billy Bob continues to stare at the rest room door. She has to come out of there, she has to!! I wouldn't put it past her to try to go out the rest room window, but she can't because we're going a million miles an hour under the English Channel for Pete's sake! Where is she?
He rings for a steward. "I say, can you check the rest room? A lady friend of mine went in there 15 minutes ago and is not out yet. I'm hoping she hasn't taken ill. Could you please check it out?"
"Certainly, sir!" the steward goes up to where the rest room door is and knocks gently, then a little harder. He tries the door. Locked. He takes out his key and turns it, then, gently maneuvering the door open a crack, enquires, "Is anyone in here?"
Silence.
He steps into the rest room and finds it empty. Closing the door again he returns to Billy Bob.
"Sir, no one is in the rest room right now."
"But I saw her go in! And she never came out!"
"Sorry, but no one is in there."
"She has to be!" Billy Bob marches up to the rest room and flings open the door.
Empty.
He is shaking as he returns to his seat, exhausted.
The attendant gives him an "I told you so" look and thinks, These Americans!!!
Jameson is sleeping soundly again, after having lain awake wondering why BB clicked off before he even said anything, when the cell phone rings insistently......again.
"What is it this time?" he says into the receiver.
"What'd'ya mean this time, Jameson?"
"You called a couple hours ago, woke me out of a sound sleep, which you've done again now, thanks a lot!!.......then just clicked off without saying anything. Are you trying to wear me down, Billy Bob? Why? You need me alert, ya know. I can't look out for your interests if I'm walking around like a zombie for lack of sleep!"
"I didn't phone you a couple hours ago!"
"HUH!! Someone sure did! Ohhhhh man, I'll bet it was WandaSue again!" Jameson sits on the edge of his bed and rubs his hands over his eyes.
"What did you say to her?"
"I thought it was you, and, let's see, I complained that just because it was morning in Paris, didn't mean it was morning here."
"You told her?!"
"I thought it was you! You've phoned me at some ungodly hours, so of course I thought......"
"She was here, Jameson!"
"Impossible."
"I was on the chunnel under the English Channel, minding my own business, about to eat breakfast when she suddenly appeared in the seat beside me! You told her where I was!!"
"I had no idea you were on the chunnel train!" Jameson is getting indignant.
"You gave her enough information to use.......and she used it..."
"Listen here, cousin of mine, you must have had too much to drink last night because she's in this area, I know because I saw her car parked outside that apartment full of rottweilers....."
"Which reminds me, get my furniture back!"
"I'll make one more attempt. This time I'll wear protective clothing, because I am not about to go into that place and be torn to shreds....."
"Like what protective clothing?"
"How about a suit of armor?" with that Jameson begins to chuckle at the mental picture of he and Bobby Joe clanking around in all that metal.
Silence.
"Uhhhhhh, Jameson?"
"What?"
"Have you seen my jacket....."
"NO! The answer is no! Give it a rest, will ya? What I'd like to know is why you thought you saw WandaSue on the chunnel train. You must be losing it.....by the way, what did this apparition say or did she say anything?"
"She said she knows everything and to be afraid, very afraid. Then she marched into the rest room and after 15 or 20 minutes of watching it, not taking my eyes off the door, she still hadn't come out, so I had a steward look, and he said it was empty. I didn't believe him so I looked, and it was empty!"
"She may have gone out the window....."
"In the chunnel train going a million miles an hour under the English Channel?!"
"Ohhh yeah, I guess not, then. Look, Billy Bob, I'll snoop around today and see if I can find her in this area. Will that make you feel any better?"
Billy Bob emits a loud sigh, "I suppose, but that still doesn't explain........"
"Bye!" Jameson click off and puts his head back on the pillow. Now how am I going to get back to sleep?
WILLIAM, YOU OLD SOFTIE!........by Terri
Rose woke up and nudged John.
"You'd better scoot out of here before William catches you. I just don't feel like hearing it from him today!"
"ZZHMSLL?"
Rose jumped up and threw his pants at him. "GO! NOW!! You know he gets up at 7:00!"
John yawned and put his pants on. "Alright, but this is totally stupid. I'm going to talk to William today. There's no reason why.."
But Rose had turned him around, shoved him out the door and closed it. John tried to slip out but was held back.
"Rose?" he whispered.
No reply.
"Rose, darling? I can't leave..."
"Yes you can! You have to!" came the muffled response.
"NO! I can't leave because my shirt tail is caught in the door!"
The door cracked open and John yanked on his shirt, sending him flying into the wall.
William's door creaked open. John slipped in the laundry room and waited for the Big Guy to pass.
He opened the door just as William turned around to see John.
"Well! You are up bright and early! Doing a load of laundry I see! Good of you to help Celeste out. And so early, too!"
John yawned again and said, "I just thought I would help her with the towels. "
William stood there for a minute and said, "Then why isn't the machine going?"
He narrowed his eyes. "And why is your shirt buttoned all wrong? And isn't that the shirt you had on last night? All wrinkled? No shoes?"
John looked down at himself and smiled sheepishly.
William blustered, "You and Rosamond better shape up!"
He went downstairs muttering to himself.
Rose and John met at the kitchen table. Rose had the baby on her lap and Will was eating his cocopuffs.
"Hiya, Uncle John!"
"Hi, Sport. What's up?"
"Nothing. I have a play date with Timothy and Rebecca."
"Oh, that's right. How's Grace?"
Eleanor laughed. "About the same as usual, unless she gets into the liquor cabinet!"
John poured Rosamond a cup of coffee and then held his arms out for the baby. Rose handed Julie over.
William sat there glowering at the two of them.
The door knocked and Eleanor went to answer it. It was Jerry.
"Hiya, Peach!" He kissed her on the cheek. "Just in the neighborhood and I know you have the best coffee in town. Hey, look! Here comes Beth and Roger!"
Jerry opened the door. "What are you all doing here?"
Bethia looked at Roger and then at Jerry. "John asked us over for breakfast."
Marilyn came down wearing a flame-red robe, her hair brushed back. "Wow! I could sure use some coffee!"
Marthy, Bess and Jack bounced in. "Oooh, we got concert tickets tonight for the Stones reunion concert! Look! And they are English, too!"
Everyone sat around the table drinking coffee and eating the donuts that Jerry had brought.
John stood up. "I guess as long as you all are here, I might as well tell you.."
"Tell us what...?"
"You bought a franchise...?"
"You're getting a new car...?'
John looked at Rose and she nodded. Rose put her hand up and wiggled her fingers.
John said proudly, "Last night, Miss Rosamond de Clifford consented to be my lawfully wedded wife. We are now officially engaged!"
Eleanor jumped up and hugged John. Rose exclaimed, "Well, look who El favors!"
Eleanor hugged them both. Bethia jumped up and down.
Jerry and Roger slapped John on the back. "About time!" "Hey, congratulations!"
"Faint heart never won fair lady, right?"
Luke and Henry came in. 'Hey, what's going on?" Henry exclaimed.
Luke accepted a cup of coffee from Marilyn, his heart beating faster and faster.
Eleanor turned to Henry. "I guess you can forget about Rose EVER bearing your child, Henry! She and John are officially engaged, ring and all!"
Celeste beamed. "I knew it! I knew it last night!"
Marilyn turned to Celeste. "Oh, Celeste! You are so psychic! Why didn't you let us know what you felt all along?"
Celeste raised her eyebrow. "Psychic? No--John called me on his cellphone when Rose was in the powder room to tell me what he had planned."
John smiled and hugged her. "That's right--'Mom'! A guy always lets his 'mom' know first when he is getting married."
"Celeste, why didn't you say something this morning when we got up?"
"Not my place. I know John and Rosamond wanted to tell you themselves."
Marilyn took Celeste aside. "But, Celeste! what about what we saw in your crystal ball? Shouldn't we say something?"
"Hush, now, Marilyn! Do you want to throw cold water in their faces? Look at them! I swear, I have never seen John so happy! And look at Rosamond--she is positively glowing! They are planning on seeing Patrick O'Malley today. That lawyer. Rosamond is getting an annulment. She wants to clear the board. Turns out Mr. Montgomery was a bigamist, his first brief marriage was never dissolved. So what difference does it make if he is alive or not? She will be free."
Marilyn frowned. "I guess you're right."
Marthy gave Rosamond a big hug. "Another wedding! I am SO excited! Oooh! I have to pick out a dress!"
Jack said "Great! Another bachelor party! Another panty....uh, another bachelor party!"
Bess hugged Rosamond and John. "You two are the perfect couple! Next to Bethia and Roger!"
Rose smiled. "I have waited a long time for this! Nothing is going to spoil it!"
Everyone turned to William who had been silent this entire time.
Rosamond said in a small voice, "William? Are you not happy for me? For us?"
William sat there and did something no one expected of him.
He burst out crying.
Rose fell into his arms, crying herself. William held her tight and stroked her hair and through his tears he stammered,
"My little girl is getting married."
HELL HATH NO FURY............by Coralynn
WandaSue sleeps in. As she opens her eyes she sees the sun streaming in the windows. She look at her bedside clock. Wow, 10 am!! Well, babydoll, you did a good night's work! You deserve to sleep in!!
Her phone rings. It's the Phone Company saying her number has been succesfully changed.
"Good. No more calls from the guys at that bar!! I have a new cellphone, too. No more annoying calls from Slim! Ahhhh yes, I am getting my ducks in a row here!
She opens the front door and brings in the morning paper. Putting water on to heat so she can make her instant coffee, she rifles through the newspaper. Huhhhh, world news: not good. Local news: the usual list of suspects.
After she makes her cup of coffee with three heaping tablespoons of coffee powder, she sits down and sips it. Ahhhh, this stuff is enough to wake the dead! Elixur of the Gods.
Out of the corner of her eye she sees her name. Or she thinks she does. Nawww, what would my name be on this page of legal stuff for? They haven't found out about the blackmail; I haven't been indicted for anything, knock wood. Ohhhhh, just a minute! Just a minute! This is a notice that Wanda Sue Skaggs is a recipient of an award from the estate of William Robert Montgomery! Hot diggity dog!! The scum left me some money?? The 'still alive' scum that is?? I have a million dollars, but it never hurts to have two!
She jots down the phone number and calls it right away. Yes, she's told if she comes to this address.......more jotting down........she will receive her portion of the estate.
She flies into her clothes, mis-matching everything in the process. One brown shoe, one black, an orange top over red pants. One pearl ear-ring, one diamond ear-ring.
She grabs up her new, expensive handbag and goes out to her car.
She glances at the address several times as she speeds toward Chappaqua, then slows when she arrives on the correct street, straining her eyes for numbers on the buildings.
There it is!! 2947!
She parks and hurries into the building, scanning the Board that tells which office contains which firm.
It's up several flights, but she sees an Out of Order sign on the elevator, so she pounds up and up and up till she reaches the correct floor.
Straightening out her clothes so she'll look classy, she then notices how mis-matched everything looks. Oh well, babydoll, you had to be in a hurry! But who cares? The notice didn't say that WandaSue Skaggs could claim her part of the Montgomery estate only if she was dressed properly. She takes a deep breath and goes down the hall to Room 512. There it is!!
She enters the Office and tells the receptionist who she is.
"Oh yes, Miss Skaggs, Mr. Chaplin is expecting you......here......" she ushers WandaSue into the very well appointed office of Mr. Chaplin, who looks up as she enters and comes around the desk, hand extended.
WandaSue takes it briefly and sits in the chair clients are obviously supposed to use.
She waits what seems like forever as he rifles through paperwork. She crosses her legs and swings the crossed one impatiently.
"Here it is!" Mr. Chaplin says cheerily, "This is in the form of a check. Please sign here to signify that you've received it." He shoves paperwork across the desk.
She picks up the check eagerly and looks to see how many zeros are placed after the original number.
"One dollar!" she yells out in shock, "That bastard left me one lousy buck?"
Mr. Chaplin raises his hands as if in defense and says, "Don't shoot the messenger. I'm just hired to deliver the results of the will. I didn't make out the will. You do understand that, yes?"
"YES! I sure do! I understand a whole lot! Well, he won't get away with this!" she storms toward the door, "He'll regret this when I get done with him!"
As she exists, slamming the door behind her, Mr. Chaplin shakes his head and thinks, "A little late for that, isn't it, lady?"
THE ADVICE LADY PREMIERES.......by Coralynn
Marilyn brings in a bulging manilla mailer and dumps the contents on the table.
Bess and Marthy crowd around, "Are those the letters for your advice column?"
"Sure are!" Marilyn sits and puts the pages in some semblance of order, "Wanna help me choose the ones to answer? This will be my very first column, and I want it to be not just good, but grab people by the collar and shake them!"
William sees the table laden with the letters and pauses, "Good grief! Are there that many people who need advice? Can't they sort out their own lives?" he picks one up and reads aloud,
"Dear Sally,
I am so sad. Tell me what to do. I'm 16 and my boyfriend dumped me for a younger woman of 14. Said she has more pazazz. Said I'm boring and over-the-hill. Sally, I'm in every Club in high school, I write editorials for the school newspaper, and I have an A average. I just starred in our school production of "Our Town," and am filling out applications for the most prestigious colleges in the county. I want to win my boyfriend back. HELP!"
William flings the page back down onto the table and shakes his head, "What would you say to her?"
Marilyn picks up the page and looks it over again.
"I'll tell her that her boyfriend is insecure, immature and she'll find much better guys when she gets to college. In the meantime, she should keep on developing her mind and her talents."
William purses his lips, then says, "Excellent advice. Proceed!"
They hear Eleanor enter the house. Marilyn yells out, "El! Over here! I just got my first batch of letters for the advice column!"
Eleanor joins them at the table, eyes twinkling, "Can I read one?"
"Sure! Help yourself!"
Eleanor fishes one out.
Dear Sally,
'Bill' and I have been married for four years. Before we married he was polite and like Prince Charming. But since the wedding he has been verbally abusive, and likes to push me around. Last week he smacked my face. I know I try his patience, but do you think I'm such a bad person I should do nothing about it? I'm beginning to think no other man would want me anyway, I'm so stupid. Never mind I have a Masters in English Lit. 'Bill' says my cooking stinks and I should develop more traditional feminine qualities. Is he right? Signed, Loser in Los Angeles
Marilyn rolls her eyes. Bess and Marthy and Eleanor await her decision on the advice.
"I will tell her to kick his ass out to the curb!"
Eleanor laughs, "Ummm, Marilyn, you do realize that's a Dr. Phil-ism, don't you?"
Marilyn cocks her head to the side and grins, "Think he'll mind if I borrow it?"
VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW......by Terri
Rosamond and John rode the elevator up to the 12th floor and found suite 1207, with the name of Barber, Toscano, O'Malley and Sanderson on the door.
Rosamond drew a deep breath. John asked, "Are you OK?"
"As OK as I'll ever be!" she smiled nervously at him. He clutched her hand. "Then let's go for it!"
They walked up to the receptionist. "Hi! I'm Rosamond Montgomery and we have a 10:30 appointment to see Mr. O'Malley."
She ran her finger down the appointment book. "Oh, yes! Here it is! Have a seat and we'll be right with you."
Fifteen minutes later Patrick came out. He shook Rosamond's hand and raised his eyebrow at John's presence. Rose said, "He's kind of a part of this picture."
Patrick smiled sardonically and said, "So I guess the accusations at the wedding were TRUE? Come on, step inside my office."
They sat on leather chairs. Patrick leaned back in his chair and said, "So what is the problem, Rosamond?"
"Mr. O'Malley...."
"Please, call me Patrick."
"Patrick, I have something here that I need legal advice on." She drew out of her purse the divorce papers that Slim had given her. He looked them over.
"So these papers were never signed."
Rose said, "This is kind of a sticky situation. As you know, my husband was murdered last week. A couple days afterwards, this Wanda Sue Skaggs' brother showed up at my door and hand delivered these papers."
"Is he trustworthy? Could this be a hoax?"
"I trust him but maybe you could see if they WERE ever filed. I don't believe they were. If they weren't, what does this mean for me?"
"It means you were in a marriage that was what we call bigamous."
"Even though he is dead?"
"Rosamond, there can only be one widow. Although clearly the intent to divorce was there. And it could always be petitioned as abandonment. However, you cannot divorce a dead person. That would be for the first wife. NOW...if this marriage was never dissolved, Mr. Montgomery would be in a bigamous marriage, even if he had in good faith believed his marriage to be dissolved. Follow me so far?"
Rose nodded. "I think so. But what can I do?"
Patrick leaned forward. "Retain me as your attorney. I will file what is known as an Action to Declare the Nullity of a Void Marriage. A void marriage, among a few other grounds, is a bigamous marriage. Then it will go before the courts and be declared
annuled by a court of competent jurisdiction."
"How long will that take?"
"With the NY courts, who can say? Is this a problem? The man is dead."
John cleared his throat. "Um, we are engaged, Patrick."
Patrick tapped his pen on his desk blotter. "Either it was a whirlwind courtship or I would say that something was going on."
Rosamond blushed. "It is a long story but yes, John and I have been involved..before, during and after my marriage."
Patrick let out an audible breath. "Let's put that aside. I don't even want to get into the legal ramifications of this, I don't feel like defending the two of you on premeditated murder charges." He held his hand up to their protests. "Let's save it for another time.
Any thing else I should know?"
John said, "Rosamond has a child. Julie. She is four months old."
"And you want to petition the court for child support out of the estate?"
John said quietly, "The child is mine."
Patrick leaned over to his intercom. "Suzie? Reschedule my next hour's appointments and give them to Baxter. I may be awhile."
Patrick said, "This is something you may not want to hear. A child is presumed to be the husband's even if the blood tests prove conclusively that he is not the father.
If the mother is pregnant with another man's child and marries, the child is considered to be an adulterine bastard..."
John and Rose looked at each other and grimaced.
"...and a child born of that marriage is considered the husband's regardless of who the biological father is. But this is a whole 'nuther set of problems that we can address later. Let's nullify the marriage first. I'll get the petition going."
Rose and John stood up. They shook Patrick's hand.
"We really appreciate this."
Patrick looked at them with sympathy. "One thing--I think you should keep your relationship quiet until more time has passed or the murderer is found. Othewise I just may be defending you in a 'Body Heat' situation. And I would hate to see that happen."
TRAVIS McGEE: ON A MISSION!......by Terri
Travis McGee sat in front of his computer at the police station. He frowned. Hmm..
let's see what comes up. He typed in to Equifax's credit bureau listings.
"Gwinnett, John A." birth date----Aug. 4, 1972--marital status-Single. Let's see what accounts he has--
Whoa! Bloomingdale's, Saks Fifth Avenue--Bergdorf Goodmans...countless Visa and MasterCards....look at all that activity in August 2002....all in one afternoon...then nothing after that. Very suspicious.
Travis went to the computer and tapped the account number into the credit cards.
Transactions spat out like watermelon seeds. Shoe department...5000.00...fur coat, 2000.00----perfume, Victoria's Secret....catalogues. Who the heck was he buying all this stuff for? Travis tapped a few more keys and came up with authorizations...in the name of Rosamond Gwinnett. Rosamond GWINNETT?
McGee picked up the phone and dialed Bloomingdale's.
"Credit manager, please."
A few seconds later, "Yes, this is Officer Travis McGee of the Chappaqua Police Dept. I am investigating a case and I need some information. In August 2002, we see an unusual spending pattern...the name is under John A. Gwinnett, card number 3004-
7886-0203-7755. Could you verify the charges?"
The credit manager asked for his badge number, excused himself while he had his secretary verify the number and name, and came back on the line.
"I'm sorry, but I have to check this out..." the manager, Mr. Watson, said.
"That's alright, it is wise to do this," Travis said but privately thought, great, I have to get Mr. Joe Proper!
Mr. Watson pulled the account up on the screen. "Oh, yes! I remember it well! Lovely woman, just lovely! With voracious spending habits. Actually, she was like a woman on a mission! Shoes, dresses, even a fur coat! Yes, let's see...signed her name as Rosamond Gwinnett. Very pretty hand-writing, I am looking at the receipts now. Signed 'Gwinnett' with a flourish, hmmmmm...put a little 'heart' where the 'i' in Gwinnett was...but those two 't's look like daggers! Guess it was a private joke between the two of them. Anyway, I remember it well...because later on that day, John Gwinnett came in and personally saw me. It turns out his wife was using his cards and maxing them out without his knowledge. He was pretty livid. Went pale all over. I told him we COULD file charges but then he got a funny look in his eye and said no, he would handle this in his OWN way. I don't know what that means and I don't want to know. I told him he would still be liable for the charges and he said he would see to it that she paid. She must have because the payments came right on time and they are almost paid off. I hope this helps you."
Travis chewed on the eraser of his pencil and put his feet on the desk. He leaned back, thinking. "Well, Mr. Watson, this information can't hurt. Thank you."
Travis sat there. What does this mean? That the two of them were married as of August 2002? But the marriage records for Rosamond Clifford and William Robert Montgomery showed they were married in October 2002. Was theirs a whirlwind courtship? Obviously Miss de Clifford and Gwinnett were married as of August but got divorced by October. Then again, her child was born in April, slightly early the hospitals said...that meant the child was conceived in August 2002..and Montgomery is listed as the father...could she have been cheating on Gwinnett with Montgomery?
Travis' head was spinning. He reached for his coffee. Let's see when Gwinnett married Miss de Clifford. He accessed the computer for marriage licenses under their names for NY. Nothing. He accessed VT. Nothing. NH, nothing there. He continued with all 50 states. Unless they got married in Europe, there is nothing there to prove they were ever married.
WANDASUE'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE.......by Coralynn
WandaSue chuckles over the memory of Billy Bob's expression when she suddenly appeared in the seat beside him on the train. She fingers the locket and thinks, This thing is incredible. What else can I do with it? I could.....I know......I could visit any period of history I want to........now, which ones do I remember from that boring world history class I took in high school? Ancient Egypt? Nawwwww, they don't speak English. Wellllll.....who in English history would I like to meet? I know! My role model: Eleanor of Aqutaine! Now there was a ballsy woman! OK........I'm going to DO it..........but first I'd better gather up my traveling stuff.
She packs an overnight case with cosmetics, a couple changes of clothes, a transistor radio, a small CD player, and a few magazines in case she gets bored. Bored? She laughs as she tosses them in. Not likely!! Should she ask to be taken to Eleanor, or uhhhhh, what's his name, that English King........ohhhh it was Henry 2nd. yeah.
She stands tall, takes a deep breath, and announces in a loud voice, "I wish to be at the Court of Henry the Second!"
The royal assemblage is just finishing up a meal. Henry2 and his sons Richard and John are swigging mead in a contest to see whose goblet can be drained the fastest when........a woman appears. A woman with strange-looking black hair, carrying something none of them had ever seen before, standing there looking shocked.
"I MADE IT! I MADE IT!" the woman says jubilantly, then, walking slowly over to the table, looks from one face to the other, "I know who you are!" she laughs manically.
"Yes, and we know as well, madame, but who might you be?" Henry2 asks, his left eyebrow rising to meet his hairline.
"Oh, oh, I forgot my manners!" she giggles and sits next to Henry, "I'm WandaSue, and I came here from the 21st century! Do you know how far in the future that is?" she expects them to marvel. They don't.
John blurts out, "Another visitor from the 21st century? Will it never end? What is it with you people that you can't stay put? We never know when William or Eleanor or one of those buddies of theirs will drop in....."
Richard butts in, "Yeah, remember the frat party?"
John laughs and slaps his leg, "Oh that one was fun! I mean that Billy Bob guy taught us to sing "Louie Louie" and do some kind of line dance......ahhhh.....what a time that......."
"WHO?!" WandaSue yells, "Billy Bob WHO?"
Henry answers, "Was it Montbattan, or.....something like that......"
"Montgomery?" she leers at them. "Why was he here and where is Eleanor? I want to see my role model: Eleanor of Aqutaine! Where is she?"
Mary Tudor hears this and approaches, "Eleanor is in the 21st century, too. She left us here, abandoned us, and we are stuck till William returns and releases us to our own time frames. Until then we are here in a sort of limbo."
"LIMBO! That was one of the dances Billy Bob and Daniel taught us!" John cuts in.
"Why isn't Billy Bob still here?" WandaSue asks.
"Ahhhhh, William came and took him back to the 21st century," Elizabeth the First volunteers, "I thought he was too loud and vulgar and was glad to see him leave!"
"I agree," Margaret of Scotland says pleasantly, "But tell me, my dear, what can I do for you?"
"Who are you?" WandaSue looks at her with no recognition. Of course there were so many royals in England who could keep them all straight anyway? "Are you an English queen?"
"A SCOTS Queen," Margaret corrects her, "I was canonized by the Church a short time after I died, I was such a good influence on the population, the peasants loved me, bless their little hearts,,,,"
"Before I throw up, lady, where is Eleanor of Aquataine?"
"Alas, they tell the truth; she is in the 21st century!"
Isabelle the She-Wolf of France can't resist joining the group, "Do you know of her in the 21st century?"
"If I did, why would I be looking for her here?" WandaSue gives her a duhhhhh expression.
"What have you in that thing you're carrying?" Isabelle asks, lifting it onto the table, fiddling with it till it comes open.
"HEY! That's my stuff!" WandaSue protests.
Since all the others have gathered around her overnight case, she's out-numbered, so she sits down and watches while they place all her items on the table and examine the transistor radio, which, when turned on, produces nothing but static. It gets tossed aside.
Mary Tudor manages to get the small CD player working. Hard rock music comes blaring out. "Make it stop!" the other women plead.
WandaSue gives them all dirty looks, reaches over and flips it off.
Henry2 takes charge again. "Tell me, young woman from the 21st century, where do you live in your own place.......where is it?"
"Westchester County, not far up the Hudson from New York City," she says, bored.
John, who never quite got over not being picked to accompany them when they first left for NYC, tells her, "That's where William and Eleanor and Rosamond are, too!"
"Rosamond?" WandaSue is riveted to the spot.
"She said she was with child and they took her to 21st Century New York City for a DNA test," Henry fills her in. "Come to find out she wasn't with child, she had made it up as a way to avoid Henry the 8th."
WandaSue scratches her head, how did Henry the 8th get involved here?
"Well, she had a child!"
"But not that time. She's been back here, and last time here she told us she had a baby girl......."
"She comes here? She goes back and forth between the 12th and the 21 centuries?" WandaSue's adrenalin is flowly freely now, "Is that what Eleanor and who is it.....this William....."
"The Conqueror!" Henry adds, "Yes, he is living in.........where did he say........."
"Chaparrel........Chattanooga......."
"Chappaqua?" Wanda Sue finishes their questioning. She is overcome!! Those people in the Big House are from the past? The way the hell back past!
"Do you live near there, too, dear?" Margaret asks her.
"Yeah."
Richard interrupts, "HEY! We had a terrific stable boy and a serving wench that came up missing the last time William was here."
"Jack and Marthy!" Henry adds, "If you see them, tell them 'hello' from us and to get back here post haste!"
"Let me get this straight, all of you........William and Eleanor and Rosamond and those two servants you want back are all living in 21st century Chappaqua. Do I have that striaght?"
"Most straight!" John says, pleased with himself.
"So if I want to see Eleanor, my role model, I have to see her......."
"Back where you came from!" Richard says with authority.
"AND, Billy Bob Montgomery was here....."
"Just before Christmas, wasn't it, Henry?" Margaret checks it out with him.
"Yes, yes......those were halycon days...."
"She's two timing you all over the place with this John Gwinett guy. Does that make you angry?"
"I had my chance to kill John Gwinett, but the arrow just missed him," Henry thinks back almost fondly.
"HE was here, too? My God, was there anyone left in Westchester County, or did they all have a big convention here in the 12th? How long has this been going ON?"
"Close to three years now as our calendar records it," Victoria sits down beside WandaSue. "I am so weary of the same old castle food, too. Henry chose a cook only because she was fair and ....."
"He rolls around in the bed with her," Isabella jeers, "And during the day we eat this......" and she lifts a spoon from which thin gruel dribbles.
"Eeeeeuuuuuu, I can do better than that!" WandaSue jumps up, "Show me the kitchen and I'll cook you a meal fit for a ........well, fit for human consumption."
When they reach the kitchen, WandaSue notices the paucity of fresh fruits and vegetables. Lots of flour or some grain all ground up. The larder has some dried figs and apricots, and she notices someone has brought in some eggs. Here goes nothing, she thinks.
"Go away and come back when I tell you the food is ready," she announces.
She takes all the ingredients she considers edible and within 45 minutes calls out, "CHOW'S ON!"
Her voice echoes off the castle walls and soon they all reconvene.
She carries in a large covered dish and puts good sized portions on all the plates.
"There!" she crows, "This is how we eat in the 21st Century! A Votre Sante!"
The group eagerly begins devouring the concoction, but after the second spoonfull, they give her looks of dismay and worse.........Victoria runs from the table and they can hear her retching as she dashes outside.
No one else will attempt a second or third spoonfull. WandaSue sits down hard and frowns, "I tried! I am not the best cook in the 21st century, you guys! You gave me so little to work with, too! Where I live we have huge stores full of food........you would not believe the variety......we even have entire meals frozen and ready to pop into the microwave..."
"We know not of these things of which you speak," Margaret moans, "Nor shall any of us ever see the huge stores full of food, as you say...."
WandaSue sits and ponders this.
"Tell ya what, Maggie. You and Isabella over there come closer. I'm gonna take you two on a little ride!"
The two women approach her more closely. She holds their hands and says loudly and clearly, "WE want to be back in my apartment in the 21st Century........NOW!"
"Aaawwwww shit, I missed out again!" John whines petulantly.
TRAVIS McGEE, STILL ON THAT MISSION.......by Terri
Travis printed out his findings, typed up his notes and burst into Alan Carson's office.
"There!" he cried triumphantly.
"There what?" answered Carson, bored to death.
"Proof that Rosamond de Clifford is a two bit whore!"
Alan picked up the report on the corner of the paper with his forefinger and thumb.
He said absent-mindedly, "The P.C. term is now 'low cost provider', McGee."
He glanced at it. "And what does all this mean?"
McGee sat down but his gunbelt got caught in the chair slats. He pulled and pulled to release it but he finally had to take his gunbelt off and thread it through the slats to the other side.
"What it means, Carson, is that she was fooling around on John Gwinnett, her HUSBAND, with William Robert Montgomery. See? She was married to him in August 2002 but married a scant two months later--in New Orleans, I might add--to Montgomery. Want to know what my theory is?"
Carson yawned. "Can I stop you?"
"My theory is that she was married to Gwinnett, cheated on him with Montgomery, he found out she was pregnant with Montgomery's baby and they got a divorce. She then marries Montgomery on a sleazy little cheap trip to the Big Easy. The couple times I caught Gwinnet and her at Venus Point, she decided she wanted to reconcile. Now, I heard Montgomery was a very possessive man. Demanding..and forceful. The barkeep at the Dew Drop Inn said she regularly left him stranded when she didn't want to give in to his, er, demands, you know---marital rights."
At this Carson tried to stifle his laughter.
McGee went on earnestly. "She turned to her former husband, Gwinnett....and they arranged his murder. To get her free and to gain the property. If she divorced him she would only get half. THERE!"
Carson yawned again and looked at McGee. "One question--why do you want to burn this lady so badly?"
McGee sputtered, "In the interest of retribution! Justice! An eye for an eye!..."
Carson propped his cheek on his hand. "Vengeance? Love scorned?"
McGee said, "Yes! Someone needs to avenge Montgomery!"
Carson tapped his pencil on the desk. "Vengeance for a love scorned. I'm talking about you, Travis McGee!"
"ME?"
"Yep! I think she stirred feelings in you that you didn't know you had. Kind of a Norman Bates thing.."
"WHAT?"
Carson sighed, "OK, let's not drag your mama in this! What I am saying is she got to you. More than a woman ever has before. You found out she wasn't the virginal Annette Funicello that you were searching for so you have to justify your feelings."
"But my theory is correct."
McGee jumped up.
Carson sat him down. "I'll give you the lowdown. John Gwinnett has been a friend of mine for two years now. We worked out at the same gym. The very one that he now owns. He has been in love with her all the time I have known him. They worked together on that soap As the Planet Turns. Something went wrong in their relationship that John never confided in. But his twin brother showed up around that time." Carson shrugged. "Who knows? Daniel is a very vital man." He held up his hand. "I don't know a thing about it. But there was a real problem and Rose set out to get even with John. Hence the charge card charges. John was a pretty strung out mess from August to November. Seems he settled down somewhat after Rosamond married Montgomery. In November they won the soap's 'Hottest Couple of the Year' award. Everyone says it was well deserved. Now, from then on the two of them seemed to remain on an even keel. You never saw them together. She stayed on the ranch with Montgomery as he made her quit right when she was pregnant. She had kind of a hard time at first. After the baby was born things kind of noticeably fell apart. Something happened with the birth of that child signaled the beginning of marital problems for Montgomery and Rosamond. I don't know what. The only thing I know is that John never stopped loving her. But he is not capable of murder. Neither is she. I think you should look into Montgomery's background. His business dealings. Because what you have here is a professional hit."
"But..."
"No 'buts' about it, Travis. Look elsewhere."
Travis gathered up his papers and turned to leave. "I know I am right. I KNOW IT!" he said, as he turned to look back at Carson.
He ran into the open door and it flung him back against the wall. With as much dignity as he could muster, he walked out.
It was only then that Carson permitted himself a bellylaugh.
EMAIL from PARIS...........by Terri
Subj: Ranch
Date: 7/13/03 3:08 PM
From: austintatious@aol.com
To: olsen007@aol.com
Bugs are found in bedroom, kitchen and stable. Have settled in guest house, found to be more than satisfactory. Mr. Jake no longer here. Packed up food bowl and left, will track DOG instead of dog tracking man. Tequila Sunrise not made presence known since business arrangement, however contractor Murphy is coming tomorrow, expect to see T.S. here then. Search of premises have not turned up missing jacket, nothing left here of previous male, are you sure he actually LIVED here? No trace at all.
BJ Austin
Subj: Ranch and T. S.
Date: 7/13/03 10:32 PM
From: olsen007@aol.com
To: austintatious@aol.com
Thank you for devices, monitor closely or send tapes via FedEX. Find out where Mr. Jake is, if he is content with new surroundings. As far as contractor, monitor closely and report alterations. Clothes gone too? ALL of them? Memory does not linger in spouse's mind. Will have to do something about that when situation remedies and able to pursue former course. Check on progeny and make sure is allright.
Meanwhile find jacket or will have to add to the list for P.I. Contact Magruder as of yesterday, have him keep an eye on T.S. and search down 'hunter' seen in vicinity of Rt. 141 at time in question. Need to know what T.S. is up to, also.
Mark Olsen
HOME OF THE BRAVE....................by Coralynn
Isabella looks around in surprise, "Where are we?"
"In my apartment in the 21st century, where else? Didn't you hear me just say that?"
Both newcomers walk around the apartment examining the furniture, the carpet, (what, no floor rushes?), and then proceed into the kitchen.
"Wha'd'ya think Maggie?" WandaSue asks, "Does this take your fancy? Wait till ya see the grocery stores. That was what you wanted to see, wasn't it?"
Margaret walks around the kitchen opening cupboard doors, opening the refrigerator, which causes her to step back in alarm.
"What in God's mercy is this?!" she asks.
WandaSue kicks the refrigerator door shut with her foot, "This is where we keep our food cool. Or frozen. And this," she opens the door to the microwave, "is where we can cook dinner in about 10 minutes flat!"
Margaret frowns, "This does not please me. I thought it would, but it does not. Please return me to Court."
"Are you daft?" Isabella accuses her, "This is my kind of place! I'm staying!"
"OK, no prob!" WandaSue tells them both, "Here, Maggie, take my hand, what the heck, back you go. I only have one extra bedroom anyway. Hey! Bella! Sit tight, I'll be right back!"
She tells the coin to return Margaret and her to Court. It does.
The group back at Court see them arrive out of the blue and come rushing over.
"MY turn! MY turn!" John yells, trying to catch hold of WandaSue, but not in time.......zap.......she's gone.
"I never get to go anywhere interesting!" he sits down and broods.
"OK, Belle, where were we?" WSue asks as she touches down again in her apartment.
"Belle?"
"You don't think I'm going to go around calling you Isabella all the time, do you? That name went out with the sundial!"
"It matters not," Isabella concedes, "Now, where, pray tell, is this bedroom you spoke of?"
"In here!" WSue pulls her toward a closed door, flings it open and, "TA-DA! Your room! Now I know you brought no clothes with you, and to tell you the truth, Belle, you look like something out of a costume party. But later today you'll have better stuff; we'll go to the store and get you some. For now, though, hmmmm.....you're kinda skinny to wear my clothes You hips are a lot narrower, in fact you are so think you look like a waif."
WSue goes into her own room and searches for some clothing that might not droop too horribly on Isabella.
"Here you go! These are called jeans. This belt oughta cinch them in so they don't fall off you. This is called a tank top. Put 'em on!" She leaves the other woman alone in the room and closes the door.
WSue goes to the refrigerator and takes out two cans of beer, some deli meat and bread and puts sandwiches together. She looks in the crisper for some lettuce. The head of lettuce is slimy from age, so she tosses it back in.
'Belle' emerges from the bedroom in the jeans and tank top looking totally swallowed by them. "Is this how I'm supposed to look?" she asks.
"Not exactly. Here, have a sandwich and a beer and we'll go shopping for clothes that fit ya!"
Belle has no idea how to open the can of beer, so WSue does it for her. Belle takes a sip. "I'm sure I will love this brew after I get used to it," she says, trying to please her hostess.
"Shhhur you will. Now, Belle, I've gotta tell you some stuff so you'll know who the good people are and who the bad ones are. Most are bad."
"I noticed you reacted with alarm when some of the names were told back at Court," Belle comments.
"DNA!" WSue interrupts.
"Whatever! Anyway, off they went. They chose Eleanor as their third person because she located the magic coin. All of us wanted to go with William & Rosamond, but he said he'd take only one. Eleanor always gets the good stuff!"
"So you hate her, right?" WSue's eyes gleam maliciously.
"No, not really. But then Henry8 came up missing. We accused William of taking him, which he denied. However, I still think he has him here somewhere......"
WSue turns on her computer. Belle looks at it with wonder, and even more wonder when WSue types in some letters and up comes a picture of Henry8.
Belle laughs. "That isn't a very flattering portrait of Henry8, but I can see it's him. How did you do that?" she motions toward the computer.
"'Splain it to ya another time, Belle. I'm almost positive I've seen this dude!"
"Dude?"
"Yeah, a guy, a man. He was at that party back awhile ago......at the big house......I was a waitress at the party and saw all of them. YES, I know he was there!"
"How marvelous!" Belle reaches out and touches the computer screen. "Can I make it show another picture?"
WSue turns it off. "Another time, sweetie! Now.......going on......you saw Billy Bob Montgomery at what did they say it was.......a frat party??......back last Christmas. Was it him?" she shoves a photo of BB in front of Belle's face.
"That's him!" she confirms.
"Now Belle, listen up, this Billy Bob dude is my legally wed husband. Oh yes, our divorce was never final, so I'm his legal wife. He went ahead and married Rosebud....I mean Rosamond......BUT.......she was carrying on with John Gwinett the whole time.....oh yes! I see you recognize his name as well. Then.........and this is where it gets really good........BB stages a fake murder, his, that is.......I don't know what rich-bitch Rosebud got from his will, but I got," and she reaches in a drawer and pulls out a check, "One lousy dollar! One!"
"I take it that isn't much, am I right?"
"Right!! It's an insult. A slap in the face. Now," she draws closer to Isabella, "I found out where that dirty skunk IS........alive and all and living the high life in Paris!"
'Belle's' face shows surprise and eagerness to hear more.
"I paid a little visit to Billy Bob Montgomery I did. Used my magic locket and got myself on the train he was riding, you know, the one that runs under the English Channel...."
"No, nothing goes beneath the English Channel," 'Belle' tells her decisively.
"It didn't when you lived, but it sure does now! That train goes like a shot! Want me to take you on it sometimes?"
"Maybe later."
"'Belle', you came along at just the right time. You and I are going to get back at Rosebud and Billy Bob. I already blackmailed him for a million dollars, that's how I'm able to afford this nice apartment and great car I just bought. You'll see how fast and smooth it goes when I drive you over to the mall."
"Mall?"
"Where we'll get your new clothes, but listen, I'm going to need you to help me drive Rosebud crazy, John crazy, and Billy Bob so crazy his head explodes. Are you up for it?"
Belle grins, then smiles widely, "Yes, my dear, if ever you needed an accomplice for dirty-deeds, I am your woman!!"
"I thought that about you. You have that razor sharp look. However, before the two of us set on our Big Campaign, we've gotta get you some decent duds!!"
They leave the apartment and soon are whizzing along the road toward the Mall outside Pleasantville.
It takes three hours to find clothing for 'Belle.' Seems they don't make as many size 2s as they used to. WSue makes sure the other woman buys some padded bras, because without one she has no discernable shape. Belle is pleased with her new look, and WSue has to drag her away from the large mirrors.
Upon returning home, 'Belle' puts her new clothes in the closet.
"What next?" she asks WSue, "Do we make out a plan of revenge against these awful people who have made your life miserable?"
"Ohhhh, well, for starters, honey, get on this phone.....see, you talk into it and the person on the other end, no you can't see them....but they're there.....talks into his phone. We're going to call up the big house on Winding Willow. Yeah, the one where William and Eleanor are hiding out. You tell them you know their secret, and listen to them squirm......this is going to be great!!! I'll listen in on the extension........OK, it's ringing.......ringing........someone picked up.......GO!"
William's voice is heard. WSue gives Belle a thumbs up, which, of couse means little to her.
"Hello, I would like to speak to William the Conqueror!"
"This is he!"
"I know about you, I know how you came through time, and I'm gonna TELL!"
Isabella smiles at WSue, who smiles back encouragingly.
"Madame, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"You took Eleanor and Rosamond, who lied and said she was with child, and took them to the 21st century! I know all about it.......I want you to pay up.......you can't just take off like that and abandon all those others........do you know they're trap---"
WSue makes the slashing motion in front of her neck, which, oddly enough, 'Belle' does understand, and stops her tirade.
"Who is this?" William demands to know.
WSue writes something on a pad and shoves it in front of Belle's face, who reads, "A fan. A big fan, But a fan who has the goods on you, you bastard. You'll rue the day you took off and left ...."
The slashing motion again.
Belle is confused and hangs up.
"Look, Belle, old buddy of mine, you must not, I repeat, NOT say anything about how ticked off you are about him leaving you at Court while he took off with those others. You have to sound like a person from NOW, not back then.
"But how would a person from "now" as you call it, know he was from back then?"
"That's the thing that's going to drive him nuts!" WSue crows.
Belle smiles in agreement. But she still isn't just sure.........
The beeper goes off on WSue's bugging machine.
"Oh-oh! Those idiots are trying to get that furniture again!" WandaSue turns levers and the sound of mad dogs comes through. Belle jumps back.
"Vicious dogs!" the one thing that frightens Belle more than anything else.
WSue grins, "Nawwwww, it's just a recording! Now look, Belle, see on the screen? See those two guys outside the door trying to break in? My God, they have padding all over them.....look at that! Padding strapped from neck to ankle! How can they move?"
The women hear Bobby Joe say, "I don't know if this padding is enough when we go in there, Jameson! Sounds like quite a few dogs!"
Jameson is rattling the door handle, which makes the vicious dog sound come even louder. Dog toenails sound like they're flailing wildly on the inside of the door.
"I told Billy Bob we'd try one more time, and we aren't giving up now, Bobby Joe. Come on, at the count of three we knock down the door!"
WSue and Belle see the two men get a bit of a running start and heave themselves against the door with all their might.
The door doesn't budge.
Bobby Joe says, "OK, we tried, now let's go!"
"Uh-UH! We have to keep trying!"
"How about we break through that window instead?" Bobby Joe suggests.
"The drapes are drawn, so I can't see where those damned dogs are, but it might work! Let's give it a shot."
Both men step back, then leap head-first through the window. Glass shatters in all directions. WSue turns the volume up on the vicious dog sound.
"I've been bitten!" Bobby Joe sees blood coming from his wrist, one of the few places not covered with padding, "I'm outhtta here!"
He leaps back through the window and races toward the car.
Jameson can't see in the darkened apartment, but the sound of vicious dogs is so loud in his head he follows as well.
They leap into the car, breathing heavily.
After a few minutes, Jameson says, "Let me see where you got bit, Bobby Joe."
The other man extends his wrist toward Jameson.
"This isn't a dog bite! This is a cut from the glass when you went through the window"
He looks even more closely at Bobby Joe, "And you have little glass cuts on your face as well. Look in the visor mirror!"
Bobby Joe does so, and is aghast at the sight, then turns to Jameson and tells him, "Your face is bleeding, too, Jameson! We'd better get back and get these cuts taken care of! But there WERE mad dogs in there. There were!! I saw them!!"
"Whatever," Jameson mutters and starts up the car, "This is it. No more. If Billy Bob wants to kill us for failing, then let him.
Enough!"
REVELATIONS.........by Terri
William hung the phone up, puzzled. "Now who the heck was that?"
Celeste looked up with a concerned look on her face. "I feel trouble, William. Not just from someone of this century but someone from the past. Someone who is where he or she shouldn't be. This does not bode well."
William mopped his brow. "I was afraid there were other amulets out there. And I fear that Wanda Sue/Susan Hemingway person has one. Heaven help us all!"
John walked into the fitness center carrying his mail. He leaned back in the chair and opened a manila envelope that was quite thick. Hmm. What's this? A convention in one week in...Paris? Sponsered by Life Fitness equipment. Four days. It WOULD be a nice getaway..and a tax write-off. And since Rosamond is now an employee, hers would be a write-off, too. Something to think about...
Daniel came into the office and sat down. "Hey, bro! Welcome back and how's the wrist?"
"The cast should come off by next week.It's healing faster than they thought. Hey, I appreciate how you kept this gym humming along since I've been bogged down with all sorts of things. I'm helping Rosamond get an annulment."
Daniel's eyebrows shot up. "Whatever for? She's a widow!"
John leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the desk. "Slim gave Rosamond some papers the day before the funeral. It turns out Montgomery was married before and neglected to terminate that relationship. So she was in a bigamous marriage. She just wants to put the past behind her."
Daniel leaned back in his chair too and put his feet up. The two of them looked like bookends."You don't say."
"I do say. Look, Daniel, there is something I need to tell you. Rosamond and I are officially engaged now. I asked her formally and she said yes. She has a ring but we are keeping it quiet now. Because of the ongoing investigation."
Daniel stood up. His face was stony. He leaned over and shook John's hand.
"Congratulations, John. I know you love her. She's a wonderful woman."
John's face registered surprise. "REALLY? I thought you would go ballistic because of all the things that have gone on."
Daniel said over his shoulder as he walked out the door. "Water under the bridge."
Daniel walked into the men's shower and punched three holes in the wall. Through tile.
Rafe came into the boxing area. Daniel was wearing gloves and was shuffling his feet back and forth, punching the bag and just about bursting the stuffing out of it.
Rafe grabbed it and steadied it as Daniel was delivering a left hook to it.
"HO! Slow down, Daniel, before you destroy either this punchng bag or your shoulders."
"Get out of my way, Rafe. NOW!" He continued to pummel the bag.
Rafe got out of the way but watched Daniel. "So what has you so hot and bothered this time?"
Daniel stopped and wiped the sweat off his face with the bottom of his shirt. "What makes you think I'm upset, Rafe?"
Rafe looked at him. "Because that bag has a name on it. Whose is it?"
Daniel continued to pummel and punch and kick the bag. Rafe stood and waited for him to exhaust himself. "Daniel, you are a good friend. You introduced me to the 21st century women. Talk to me."
Daniel sat down and drank deeply from his water bottle. "They are engaged."
"Who?"
"Who? WHO? Rosamond and John, that is who!"
Rafe asked, "Why are you surprised?"
"Because Rose and I...never mind. I thought..."
Rafe finished the sentenced. "Because you and Rose have a baby? You thought she would turn to you..."
Daniel said, "Because we got really close that night of Bethia's wedding. I thought..."
he trailed off. Then he said, "They aren't married YET!"
Rosamond pulled up in the drive at the ranch. She waved to Bobby Joe as she got out of the car.
"Are you settled in yet, Bobby Joe?"
"Pretty much, Tequi--Rose. Aw, hell! I just can't call you Rosamond or Rose! It just sticks in my mouth!"
"OK, Bobby Joe--but just for you! You and ONLY you can call me Tequila Sunrise! HEY! What happened to your face? It's all cut up!"
She cupped his face under his chin and turned his head one way and then the other.
"Oh, I was pulling up some roots over in the field and fell face first into some cactus."
"Did you clean it out good?"
"I used some antiseptic stuff."
"I don't know, BJ, it doesn't look all that good."
Bobby Joe was embarrassed over her concern. She really is a sweetheart, he thought. Concerned. Why did this scam have to be pulled over on her? She doesn't deserve all this..but then again, Billy Bob is my best friend. I can't give him away!
"Aw, don't worry about it. I'll be fine! I think your contractor is in the house."
"Oooh! Thanks alot! If you get time, come up to the house and join me for lunch. I'm making chicken caesar salad and grilled cheese."
"What! No bacon?"
"Oh, I see he told you about that. Bobby Joe, I am sorry. You are hurting, you lost your best friend..."
"You're hurting too, woman! You lost your husband."
"We had our problems. Between you and me, Bobby Joe, I was going to file for divorce. We were making each other miserable. I never would have wished this on him. Never. It makes me mad to think of a waste of a life. Is there anything you can tell me or the police to shed light on who may have done this?"
Bobby Joe was taken aback. "Divorce? You were going to LEAVE him? Did he know?"
"No, I just made up my mind. What happened when he got back from Austin...I had an appointment to see a lawyer. I would have had to anyway. I found out about Wanda Sue. That she was his first wife and that he never finalized his divorce. We were in a bigamous marriage. That is grounds for annulment. Which I have already started proceedings on."
"You found out about Wanda Sue?"
Rosamond raised an eyebrow. "You knew? You knew and didn't tell me?"
"Hell, Tequila Sunrise, Billy Bob was so crazy in love with you that he didn't want to lose you. So he started paying her off. She got a cool million off him."
"A MILLION?" Rose was impressed. "I was worth that much to him?"
"Honey, that man was nuts about you. He and Wanda Sue--'babydoll' he used to call her--were only married a couple weeks until his Grandpere stepped in. She never signed the papers and then waited 14 years to make trouble. By this time you two were married and had the baby. Are you saying you weren't happy with him?"
Rosamond sighed, "Bobby Joe, you had to be there. There were nights...."
Suddenly Murphy the contractor appeared in the doorway. "Mrs. Montgomery--that door on the masterbedroom....it's gonna need replaced. Looks like it was kicked in repeatedly and rehung. It's all askew."
"Go for it, Murphy!" To Bobby Joe, she said quietly. "Need I explain any more?"
and walked into the house.
Bobby Joe walked up to the house. "Hey, Tequila Sunrise! You in here?"
"I'm upstairs, Bobby Joe. Come on up!"
Rose was sitting in the middle of the master bedroom, cross-legged on the
floor, poring over paint swatch books. Fabric swatch books lay scattered
all around her like dead soldiers.
Bobby Joe stuck his head in and whistled. "Wow! I can't believe this used to
be Billy Bob's room. There isn't one thing left that was his."
Rose just looked up at him.
He said, "I'd love to stay for lunch but I have some errands to run. See you
later."
"That's OK, I may just send out for pizza."
Bobby Joe pulled up in front of a seafood restaurant. His eyes adjusted to
the dimness. He sat in the booth and waited. Within five minutes Jameson
showed up.
"There's been a new development..."
"Shhh!"
The waitress came over, took their order and left to get their drinks. They
exchanged innocuous chitchat until their seafood linguine came.
Bobby Joe looked at Jameson's face. "How did you explain that to Anastacia?"
"I didn't. She's in Las Vegas visiting that crone of a mother of hers."
"Rosamond asked me what happened, I told her I fell into some
cactus...cacti..cactuses...whatever! Listen, we've got big trouble."
"If it's about that damn jacket again..."
"NO! I heard this from Tequila Sunrise's own lips. She is seeking an
annulment."
"WHAT? She's seeking a WHAT?"
"Shhhh! She found out about Wanda Sue. How I don't know. But she has seen a
lawyer and it's in the works. She told me that she would have divorced him
anyway.
Seems he caused quite a scene at a wedding they were at."
"Yeah, I read it in the paper. Paper called it a love triangle. I discounted
it as fabrication."
"She said they had their problems. And the contractor had to replace the
bedroom door because it had been kicked in a lot of times."
Jameson just laughed."He used to call her devil or angel."
"Jameson...I think...I'm not sure....but I think she has someone else."
Jameson looked up from his dinner sharply. "Impossible."
Bobby Joe said, "I don't think you should tell him."
"And why not?"
"Because, well, you know his temper...and she's a sweet kid. I mean, she was
genuinely concerned about my face. She offered to fix me lunch.."
"So?"
"....and you know his temper..."
"And...?"
Bobby Joe blurted out. "I'm afraid he may hurt her if he found out! You know
how he is! He refuses to lose! He's crazy about her. It's that damn du Pre
blood!"
"Don't you think he needs to know that his wife is dumping him?"
"What can he do? He can't come back--not yet! And besides, it looks like
Tequila Sunrise isn't even his wife! Not legally!"
"That's bull!"
Bobby Joe was starting to worry. "You didn't see him all the time, Jameson.
She kicked him out of the car and dumped him and his cellphone on the
highway. She left him stranded in Watson's meadow because...well, because..."
Jameson held up his hand. "Since you know Billy Bob so well, you call him."
"You're his cousin, YOU call him!"
"You seem to know what is going on, YOU tell him..."
"You're his main contact, YOU call him!"
Jameson sighed. "You're right. I'm his main contact and his cousin. AND I AM
TELLING HIM HE MAY NO LONGER HAVE A WIFE. OR AT LEAST THE ONE HE REALLY
WANTS!"
Bobby Joe pleaded, "Please, Jameson. It won't do any good."
"Think I want him coming home to find out he's been annulled and she's with
another guy? Nope, I'm telling him."
"Are you going to tell him about the furniture?"
"I'll have to."
"What are you going to say?"
"I don't know. I'm just making this up as I go along!"
Jameson paid the tab and both he and Bobby Joe walked outside to a park bench.
Jameson grabbed his cellphone and looked at his watch.
"It's 12:30 here, it would be 6:30 there....might as well get this over with."
Bobby Joe bit the hangnail on his thumb. "I still think you should wait..."
"WHY? She's seen a lawyer. Wonder who it is."
"Some guy named O'Donnell...O'Brien...very Irish name."
Jameson took a deep breath and dialed the number.
"Hello?"
"Billy Bob, it's me."
"So where did you store the furniture? In one of those rent-by-the-month? I hope it was climate controlled because if it wasn't, that leather is going to crack."
"Well, all I was able to retrieve was your deerhead from the Salvation Army."
"Yeah, yeah, so did you go to Wanda Sue's and steal my stuff back?"
"No."
"NO? NO? Why not?"
Jameson yelled, "Because she has pit bulls and Rottweilers and who knows what else in her apartment! Bobby Joe and I tried to break in but we both got bit. REAL BAD! Not that you care! And Bobby Joe is starting to foam at the mouth! I think he has rabies from them!"
Bobby Joe kicked Jameson in the shin. "AM NOT!" he yelled. Then BJ whispered, "Please dont' tell him about Tequila Sunrise...."
Jameson jerked his sleeve away from Bobby Joe's grasping hand.
"Listen, cuz, we have a situation here that you should know about..."
"Yeah, yeah...did you get in contact with Mickey Magruder? I want him to find out who tried to kill me, keep tabs on my wife, and FIND THAT JACKET!"
"WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME? You may not have to worry about problem #2."
"Rosamond? Why? What did she destroy of mine now? She can't leave the county for more than a month, you have to be in touch with her for the baby's sake. I made provisions in my will for that."
Jameson mumbled, "She won't be your wife when you get back here."
"What did you say?"
"I SAID SHE WON'T BE YOUR..."
'I HEARD THAT PART! What the hell is going on?"
Jameson wiped the sweat off his face with the sleeve of his shirt. Bobby Joe was bending forward at the waist hugging his knees to keep from fainting or puking. Must be the seafood linguine, he thought.
Jameson said hurriedly, "I don't have all the details. Here! I'll let you talk to Bobby Joe. He knows what's going on."
Jameson shoved the phone at Bobby Joe.
"Talk!"
"I can't!"
"GO! TALK!"
"NO-you!"
"NO! YOU!"
The shoving of the phone continued for a minute until they heard a voice yelling at the other end.
"ONE OF YOU TWO HAD DAMN WELL BETTER TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON!
BOBBY JOE, YOU GET ON THIS LINE THIS INSTANT!"
Bobby Joe shot Jameson a look of disgust.
"Uh, hey, Billy Bob, how's the weather there? Seen any good museums...?"
"Cut the crap. What is going on? I put you out at that ranch to keep an eye on things.
What is this about her not being my wife much longer?"
"Uh, Billy Bob, now don't blame me, I'm only the messenger. I was talking to her this morning. She found out about you and Wanda Sue."
"Now how did THAT happen? I swear, Bobby Joe, if it was you, I don't care if you ARE my best friend, I will kill you."
"Hey! I wouldn't do that to you...or her! I like you both! Somehow she found out that your marriage was never terminated legally and that the two of you have been in a..what did she call it?...a bigamous marriage and that is grounds for annulment."
Billy Bob sat there in shock. "Why would she want to do that? I mean, technically she's a widow, isn't she?"
"I think you can only have one widow, Billy Bob. That would be Wanda Sue."
"But Wanda Sue was supposed to sign those papes after she got her million and send it to Stan Bechnel."
"Obviously she didn't. Tequila Sunrise retained a lawyer."
"She's not using Kingsley, Crowell and Bennett, is she?"
"No, some Irish guy. Supposed to be tops..O'Donnell...O'Brien...."
"O'MALLEY? Patrick O'Malley?"
Bobby Joe snapped his fingers."That's it! That's the guy!"
Billy Bob said quietly. "She had to go out and get the best. This guy is known as the Terminator."
Bobby Joe stumbled around, looking for anything to pacify Billy Bob.
"Well, hey! You two can start dating again! You can have a real engagement and wedding. I can be your best man..."
"Can it, BJ. I gotta think. Is there anyone..anyone at all?....hanging around?"
Bobby Joe started to sweat. I sure hope he can't hear the sweat in my voice!
"Uh, no, BB. She's been busy with her contractor and paint samples and fabric stuff...she got the bedroom door replaced. Contractor couldn't get the dents out. He asked me what happened, bricks thrown at it? haha..".he finished lamely.
Billy Bob said in his calm voice, (the scary one that got Bobby Joe panicky all the time) "If she thinks she is dumping me she has another thought coming. Get hold of Magruder NOW. Put a tail on Gwinnett, too. I think he plays a big part in this scenario."
"Daniel? You want a tail on Daniel? I don't think.."
"Don't be stupid, BJ. John. John Gwinnett. Get Magruder to follow him. Like yesterday. Now put Jameson on."
Bobby Joe wiped the sweat off his face and handed the phone over.
Jameson frowned. "Yeah, Billy Bob?"
"Bobby Joe will tell you what I just told him. Forget the furniture for right now. And keep looking for that jacket!"
Click!
THE UNHOLY ALLIANCE.................by Coralynn
"There, ya see? See how easy it is to rattle these people?" WSue proclaims to Isabella.
"I'm enjoying this! What else can we do?"
WSue fingers the locket, polishing it on her shirt-tail, musing. "We can pop in on Billy Bob wherever he is. I found that out when I plopped myself down beside him in that train that runs under the English Channel.......I know, I know, you say it isn't possible, Belle, but let me tell ya, things have changed in all the hundreds of years between when you lived and now......"
"How many hundreds of years ago did you live, WandaSue?"
"I was born not that many years ago....in the 20th Century......I've just found out about this time travel thing."
"How?"
"Well, ya see, it was like this: some of the people at the big house on Winding Willow found out I was blackmailing John and also phoning Rosebud, making her a nervous wreck, so they time traveled me back to 1692 Salem, Massachusetts......"
"What was that like?"
"Not good, Belle. Dangerous. The Puritans were a superstitious lot and some hysteria broke out whenever something terrible happened to someone. You and I know that's just the luck of the draw, but they thought it was because some of the people were witches, putting curses on the others. Of course they hung all the wrong people......"
Belle's face is shining, "I would have liked to have seen that!!"
"Yeah, well, it does sound like fun, I agree, but.......William and his gang took me there hoping the Puritans would think I was a witch and hang me!!"
"That made you angry..."
"More than angry. I vowed that if I ever got back to the 21st century, I would make it my mission to get back at them. Wanna know how I got back?" she fingers the locket lovingly.
"You got that locket!! But how?"
"It was like this: I was in jail, oh yeah, they thought that because I was dressed differently and didn't speak with the same accent they had, that I was a witch for sure, but I fooled them. When a new prison guard came on duty, I stuffed straw in my clothes and pretended to be going into childbirth labor........the stupid dolt believed it, too, and when I asked for a chair to be brought into my prison cell so I could birth the baby proper and all, I made a dash for the open cell door."
Belle is listening, enraptured.
"Then I ran, oh did I run, I ran through the woods and the fields and came upon a little house out on the edge of town. Knocked on the door, and this old lady let me inside. Now here's where it gets really strange, Belle. The old lady was a witch, I mean a real witch, and, after I told her my story, took pity on me and gave me this locket so I could get back to the 21st century. How's that for justice?"
"Too bad I didn't have one of those lockets when my husband Edward, you know, King Edward the Second, was dallying around with those men he so fancied!! I could have zapped him into another time and left him there. That might have been even better than having him murdered!"
"You did that?! Wow! I have to hand it to ya, Belle, you don't fool around! You cut to the chase!"
".....cut to the chase?"
"Yeah, that means you take care of business straight away, you see the problem and fix it but good without a lot of dithering."
"This is true. I did that. Some thought me heartless and from then on, instead of being called "Isabella the Fair" I was called "Isabella the She-Wolf!" Mayhap that's a more interesting name, though....."
"For sure!! I have to give you high marks, Belle. Ahhhhh, I would love to be called a she-wolf, too! Well, why not? We can have the 'She-Wolf Alliance'.......we can call outselves SWA. Sort of like a sorority."
"Is that word from the Greek?"
"Probably. But no matter, let us get on with the pleasure of getting on with business: monkey business!! Let's call up the big house again and see if we can get Eleanor this time!"
"Let's!! Eleanor thinks she's such a big, important person! I hate her. SHE went on the Crusades! She plotted against her husband! At least she and I have that in common, but did she go down in history as a bad person, an evil person? No!! Did I? yes! Unfair!"
"You got that right, sister!" WSue says as she dials the big house again. She motions for Belle to get on the extension, and whispers, "Listen and learn."
The phone rings three times, then William's voice comes over the line. WSue makes a sour face and, in her most affected tone, asks, "Is Eleanor there by any chance? I'd like to speak with her."
"Who shall I say is calling?"
"I'm calling from her television station, you know, where she has the job as sportcaster?"
William thinks the description a big vague, but calls Eleanor to the phone.
"Hello," Eleanor says quickly. Hmmmmm, sounds like she's in a hurry.
"This is someone from your dark past, Eleanor. I know who you are. I know you time traveled here. I know you're the real Eleanor and I'm goin' to splash it all over the front of every tabloid in the country!!" She ends with a flourish. Belle is impressed, even though she has no idea what a tabloid is.
"I'm sorry, but I have no time for this!" Eleanor hangs up.
"See there, Belle? She how flustered she became?"
"No. I thought she handled it quite calmly, Wanda Sue. It'll take more than a phone call to get her nerves all jittery."
"Hmmmmm, we'll try again at another time. We're not done with her yet!"
WandaSue lifts one of Isabella's hands and smacks it hard with one of hers. Isabella flinches. "That's called a High-5, Sister! It's a sign of Victory! Ahhhhh yes, victory and revenge!"
WSue hears the newspaper hit the front door and goes to bring it in.
Isabelle watches her read it and takes a section to see what this bunch of printed material is all about.
WandaSue makes a loud, "YES!"
"Yes, what?"
"Most of the people from the Big House on Winding Willow are going to the Academy Awards in Los Angeles!"
'Belle' waits for more explanation.
"They'll be across the County at a big shindig that's shown on television all over the county, all over the world! We can humiliate them by..........by..........I know! We can kidnap one of them!"
"You and me? Do you think we're strong enough to do that?"
WandaSue puts her finger under her chin and ponders this, then smiles, "We can hire big guys to do it! Yeah! We can pay them to do it. Those Goons will do anything for money! How about it, sister-friend?"
"I'M in!!" Belle laughs, "This is my kind of entertainment! Almost as good as the Roman Coluseum!"
"Yeah, first you 'SEUM'........then you don't!" WandaSue cracks up over her own play on words.
VOULEZ-VOUS ALLER AVEC MOI A PARIS?.....by Terri
Rosamond showed up at the gym in plenty of time for work. John was in his office and she came in. He was looking at gym equipment brochures. She stood behind him and put her arms around him, kissing him on the ear.
"Hello, love!" she whispered.
"Hi, honey!"
She pulled up a chair and sat down. "The 5:30 aerobics class is really filling up, John. You may have to schedule a 6:30 class too."
"Can you do both classes?"
"Give me a break! If I do both, I'll have no energy left over for you!"
John looked her over appreciatively.
"Stop in after the class, I have something that I want to discuss with you."
She stood up and stretched. "Allright. I'd better go. Aw, nuts! Look who just showed up for the class---Travis McGee, officer of the month! I wish they'd make him a crossing guard." She sighed, picked up her towel and water and went out.
The aerobics class was filled. Travis took a spot up front and right next to Rosamond.
He kept staring at her, making her self-conscious.
"OK, group! This is the 5:30 aerobics/kickboxing class. We will stretch our muscles to warm them up, then do aerobics and finish with the fine art of self-defense. It's important in this day and age for women to protect themselves. Are there any questions?"
"Hey, Miss Rose!" one guy yelled out. "Is it true you knocked Daniel on his butt once by kicking his feet out from under him?"
"Is it true you punched your husband in the jaw twice before kicking him out of the car? My sister's husband's cousin was at the Dew Drop Inn that night..."
Rose's face flamed crimson. "I meant were there any questions about THIS CLASS?"
Travis watched the entire exchange. Hmmm..she seems to have a history of violence against males.
The class proceeded well. Everyone kept in time and at the end, Rose said, "You all did well. I hope to see you all again for the next class. And the answer to your previous questions, the answer is yes--to both of the questions. Now! No more personal questions." Everyone laughed.
As the group filed out, Travis caught bits and pieces of conversation.
"Ya know, I heard that baby's paternity is in question..."
"My best friend works at Grand Union and she saw Mr. Gwinnett--the owner--with her in the parking lot. They were real intense in their conversation."
"When was this?"
"Oh, around Easter, I think..."
"Heard her husband tried to keep her on a tight leash..."
"Some women have all the luck, that Montgomery guy was nothing to sneeze at..."
"Yeah, but if the chemistry is too volatile, it blows up in your face..."
Travis mopped his brow and drank his water, lagging behind.
He said casually to Rosamond, "I, uh, I had a good workout."
Rosamond didn't look at him as she picked up her towel and dried off her face."That's what I'm here for."
Travis looked at her and then blurted out, "Why'd you have to come in here looking like that?"
Rose stopped with the water bottle halfway to her mouth. "Just what the HECK are you talking about, Officer McGee?"
Travis got all flustered, picked up his gear and said, "Never mind."
She watched his retreating back. Strange man.
Travis fumed to himself, yeah, I'll teach YOU to drag my heart around and make me look like a fool!
Rosamond took a quick shower, dressed and stopped in John's office.
"You wanted to see me....Boss?"
"Sit down, love! I have a great surprise."
"OK, I'm sitting down."
John pulled a packet out of his desk and Rosamond reached for it. John drew it back.
She made another grab for it.
"Not fair, John!"
"Ask me nicely!"
"Please? Pleeeze? Pretty please with sugar on it?"
He laughed. "Your begging can use some work! In here..."
He looked at the packet.
"Yeeeees?"
"..are two first class tickets to four days in..."
"Where? Where?"
"Where do you want to go?"
"You don't mean....?"
"Yes, I do mean...."
"Paris? PARIS?" She jumped up and landed in his lap, planting kisses all over his face.
John just about dumped her off his lap in his haste to get up and close the door.
"Come on, babe, it won't do for the aerobics teacher to be seen 'getting it on' with the boss!"
She jumped up and hugged him. "I don't care! I don't care! Paris! With you!"
John disentangled her from around his neck. "Don't get TOO excited. It's a working holiday."
"Working?"
"Yes, Life Fitness is having their trade show convention there and I get to take someone..."
"...and you don't want to take Daniel..."
"...and since you are the aerobics teacher..."
"..plus the fact that I am engaged to the boss..."
"..we can combine business WITH pleasure and make it a romantic time AND a tax write-off!"
Rose got a sad look on her face. "We can't go."
"Why not?"
"Two reasons. The children. And we are not allowed to leave Westchester county as long as this investigation continues."
"Problems solved. I talked to Celeste and William. They are more than happy to watch the kids. And I talked to Alan Carson. He said as long as I leave an itinerary and call him twice while we are out of town, he's satisfied. OH! and I have to bring him back some Swiss chocolates."
Rose gathered up her things speedily.
"Honey, where's the fire?"
"I have to shop...and pack..and oh! When are we going?"
"Six days from today."
"I guess I can have Murphy the contractor taken care of. What about Jake?"
"Jerry said he would watch him for us."
"Can you be any more perfect, my love?"
"No. No, I can't!"
John looked out the door. "Rose? Honey, do you know those two guys out there? They look familiar. The ones that Slim is signing up?"
Rose looked out. "Oh, Lord! I don't believe it! That is Bobby Joe Austin and Billy Bob's cousin Jameson Osgood."
Rosamond shut the door quickly and locked it. "Remember Jameson? It was at his beach house that we stayed during that horrendous storm last September."
She breathed a little prayer. "Oh, please! Please say they are NOT joining the gym!"
John looked out the blind slats. "Looks like they are. Slim is shaking their hands."
Rose sat down. "Oh, this is just DUCKY!"
John came around, drew her to her feet and hugged her. She gazed up into his face.
"Have I told you lately how much I love you, Mr. John Gwinnett?"
"Yes, but tell me again!"
"Ah, je t'aime."
He gave her the dip of a lifetime and said, "Ah, Tish! I love it when you speak French!"
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