THE PREPARATIONS.............by Coralynn

The phone rings at the news desk. Ann Harmon, intrepid reporter, picks up.
"Oh yes, Mrs. Snow, how are you?.........are they? Today, you say?........this sounds like a good item for our Society Section.........I think I can get assigned to it........thanks for the tip!"
Anne goes into the Managing Editor's office and plops down in a chair. Mr. Nichols looks up from his paperwork with a "yes, now what" expression.
"What can I do for you, Ann?"
"The Rich and Famous Catering service just called to inform us there will be a high society bridal shower this afternoon. I know it's short notice, but do you think I could be assigned to cover it?"
Mr. Nichols sighs. This woman is up for almost anything. She has begged for him to assign her the crime division, which he refused to do, and then she wanted to go into the locker room at men's sporting events, which he also refused to let her do. Wellllll, what could it hurt for her to cover a bridal shower, after all?
"Sure!" he smiles, "Do you need a cameraman, too?"
"Yes!" she beams, "Believe me, Mr. Nichols, you won't be sorry! I'll get the best society report the newspaper has ever had."
He watches her bounce out of his office, and shakes his head. This young woman is going places, but he needs to keep her on a tight leash for now so she doesn't get in over her head. Ahhhh yes, youth!!

Over at the Famous Catering Service, Mrs. Snow is instructing the crew how to load the food into the van.
She spots Sharon Curtis piling racks atop each other askew and rushes over.
"NO, Sharon, you mustn't let the food rest directly atop other food......look here.....you've crushed the rolls! Now be careful!"
Good help is so hard to find anymore!

The fake icing is being applied to the giant cake at HunksR-Us. Slim is gathering together the items he'll need for the shower. A speed-o, a towel for thwacking at the party-goers, and oh yes, his tools, his precious burglary tools, let us not leave them behind. He checks inside his duffel for his black ski mask as well. Yep, it's right there along with his black gloves. This could be a very good payday!

"You almost ready, Hillary?" Bill stands watching his wife check out her makeup one more time.
"Almost! Did you get those presents wrapped, Bill? You know there are two of them, yours goes to Roger and mine goes to Beth. Isn't that what the invitation stipulated, that men give to him and women give to her?"
Bill fishes the invitation out of his pocket and looks at it, "That's what it says!"
Hillary stands up, straightening out the skirt of her dress.
"That about does it, then, let's go!"

Luke and Henry8 are preening in front of their respective full-length mirrors. Luke is wearing his frilly shirt again and has even talked Henry8 into wearing one, though it does look a bit out of place on someone so corpulent.
"Wish the shower were for you and Marilyn?" Henry asks.
Luke is flustered, "Ohhhhh, I could never presume; I would never assume; I just don't know how anyone could want ME, after all. She is a goddess, you know! I am just a tune-smith!"
"HA! A tune-smith you call yourself? When half the world's orchestras play your symphonies and concertos every week of the year? Come ON Luke! You're famous!"
"But not as Luke. Luke is just a jazz musician. It was when I was Ludwig that I wrote those masterworks. Ahhhhh, those were the glory days!"
"Well, at least you had some glory days, my friend. I have never gotten the kind of respect you have. Oh sure, I intimidated the hell out of a bunch of women.....said 'produce a male heir or else'......but is that something to be proud of?"
Luke ponders this, "No, it certainly isn't!" he concludes as they turn from their mirrors.
"DANIEL!" Henry yells, "Are you ready yet?" He is enjoying having Daniel around less and less as time goes on. The man is worthless baggage. He doesn't have a job and just sits and drinks beer all day. beer!
Daniel comes out of his room dressed in casual attire.
"You going like that?!" Luke asks him.
"I'm certainly not going to dress up like a drag queen the way you two are!" Daniel blusters.
Luke and Henry exchange glances and proceed out of the castle, over to the Big House, Daniel trailing behind.

Over in the blue house Grace is fussing, "I hate the way I look, Gilda! I never go anywhere anymore and I have no idea if this dress I'm stuffed into is right for a shower party. I mean, remember the last time I wore it when Eleanor convinced me I wasn't showing my bosoms?"
"It is a tad fancy," Gilda advises her, "You might do better to wear a more modest dress."
"Nobody wants modest anymore!" Grace frowns, "Everyone goes around half undressed, have you noticed? Look at the women on the Daytime Dramas we both watch......shameful!" "Then cover UP!" Gilda is losing patience with this flakey woman.
"NO! No matter what I wear, I hate it, so I might as well wear this one!" she looks out the window and spots the taxi that Bethia and Eleanor have sent to pick her up. Trailing her white fluffy stole behind her, she exits the house.

"I can't wait ta see our pals again!" Vinnie yells to Sheila who is still changing clothes. "Ta think dat Bethia is getting married. I rememba her from a couple years ago wen dey all first moved to da area. Such a nice bunch a people!"
Sheila comes out of the bedroom looking like a million dollars in a teal suit. Vinnie whistles, "I say dere, honey, wanna stay here and fool around? You're a knockout!"
Sheila laughs and yanks him toward the door. "Come on, bigboy, or we'll be late!"

Marthy and Bess are wearing pretty summer dresses and looking through fashion magazines to see how the women apply their makeup.
"This is fun!" Marthy laughs, "Neither one of us wore makeup back when we lived......you know, back in our old timeframes....here, hold still....there! See? That small amount of brown shadow makes your green eyes pop."
"Pop?" Bess leans in closer to the mirror, "My eyes haven't popped out, have they?"
"No, of course not, it's just that the color is more noticable.....that's what 'pop' means."
"Not something to drink?"
"Yes, that too. Depends on the sentence, though. Hey, you're going to be the belle of the ball. I used to live at the Court of Henry 2nd, and I saw a lot of beautiful women come to big events Henry had, but Bess, you would put them all to shame!"
Bess smiles widely, "Ya think so?"
"What we have to do is find you a fella!" Marthy grins, "One who doesn't rob people out on the highway. One with a real job."
That reminds Bess, "Are Rafe and Jack going to the shower too?"
"I think so," Marthy answers, "We'll just have to find out.....ohhhhh there's the taxi Eleanor sent over.....ready to go?"

Jack is straightening his tie. Yes, the modern suit looks very good on him. "I like this Century," he thinks, "I like the clothes, I like the technology, I've met some great people......I just wish I could get rid of that miserable Rafe guy!"
Jack looks over at Rafe, who is wearing his old torn clothing, refusing to update. He is also clutching a bag with something inside that clangs when he moves.
Jack picks up the present he bought for Roger and looks out the window to see the taxi arriving...... "Let's GO!"

THE ARRIVALS.........by Coralynn

William and John are adding seating to the living as they hear cars approach.
"Sounds like our guests are beginning to arrive!" John comments, "I think we have enough seating to accomodate them, don't you?"
"Unless we get gate crashers, yes!" William answers, "NO media this time, at least."
Both men go to the door as the first guests ring the doorbell.
"Vinnie! Sheila! How great you could make it!" "Wouldn miss it for da world!" Vinnie says excitedly as they step into the house. "Where's da happy couple?"
"Beth is still in her room, and Roger should be here shortly, here, let me take your wraps.....oh, Sheila! you look like a million dollars!"
"That's what Vinnie told me. He even wanted to......."
Vinnie interrupts her as Eleanor comes into the room, "Look at our beautiful Eleanor!" he nudges Sheila who then loses her train of thought.
Eleanor approaches them with her hands extended to take theirs in a warm handclasp.
The doorbell rings.
Someone William has never seen before stands there nervously shifting from one foot to the other.
"I'm Ann Harmon, writer for the Society pages of the newspaper. May I come in and do a write-up about your wedding shower?"
Eleanor feels for the young woman, who is so patently sincere and does not appear to have any malicious agenda in mind.
"Surely!" Eleanor smiles as Ann enters....."but you brought a cameraman?"
"He'll need to get a picture of the bride and groom to be!" Ann explains. This sounds innocuous enough to Eleanor, though William is beginning to glower.
Ann and Sam the cameraman go to an area of the room that makes them less conspicuous. William still glowers.

The doorbell rings.
Bethia has now joined the others and answers the door herself.
"Bill! Hillary! Come in, come in, how wonderful you could make it!" Bethia is genuinely happy.
She hugs Hillary, as does Eleanor.
"What about me, where's my hug?" Bill objects.
The three women look at each other and burst out laughing, then go on into the living room where a small collection of gifts is beginning to accumulate.
The doorbell rings.
John answers it. "Luke! Henry! Welcome! Ohhhhh, you too, Daniel," he ends on a downturned tone.
Marilyn has just joined Bethia, Eleanor and Hillary in the living room.
"Is that who I think it is?" she asks, peeking at the vestibule suspiciously.
"Fraid so!" Bethia confirms, "But we can ignore him......can't we?"
"Uh-uh, I'm keeping my eye on that boozoo!" Marilyn says firmly, "He'd better not try to pull anything!"

The doorbell rings.
Several taxis have arrived at one time. Bess, Marthy, Jack, Rafe and Grace, looking like a trollop in her lowcut red dress, enter.
Marilyn rushes in and asks Bess and Marthy to join the women in the living room.
"Bess and Marthy, this is Hillary, I don't think you've met!"
They all clasp hands briefly. Hillary comments, "You ladies are lovely. How do you know Beth?"
Marthy and Bess panic. Does this lady know about time travel? If not, they'd better watch what they say.
Marilyn jumps into the breach and explains, "We met at the fitness club and became great friends, didn't we?" giving the other two women pointed looks.
"Yes! Yes!" Marthy agrees, feeling very relieved. Bess is confused, but decides to let Marthy handle it.
The doorbell rings.
Jack and Rafe enter. Jack is very presentable in his suit and tie, very possibly the most appropriately attired man at the event. Rafe, however, is wearing an old torn shirt with baggy sleeves. Bess rolls her eyes heavenward.
"Here, let me take that for you," John reaches for Rafe's duffle bag, thinking it's a present.
Rafe clutches it more tightly against his chest and goes into the kitchen. Sitting on a chair, he stares at the people from the Catering service.
'Sharon' nudges Patty, a co-worker and tilts her head toward Rafe, "Who's the odd guy over there?"
Patty looks at Rafe and makes a sour face, "Hey, I didn't bring him!"
They both laugh and go about their duties.
'Sharon' (aka Susan, aka WandaSue) steals glances at the attendees, feeling jealousy and bitterness. Why are these people so happy and well-to-do when she has to scrimp and scrape? HUH?!

At least they don't recognize me, she thinks, the black hair and odd looking glasses make me look like a completely different person. They may suspect I was here after I get done with them, though, she smirks.



'Sharon' hears a commotion out in the vestibule. She hears, "What a beatiful baby, look how she's grown!" and "Rose, you are a vision of delight!" and stuff like that.
A-ha, she thinks, one of my victims has arrived!
She hears John's voice as well.....hmmmmmm, two of them so far! YES!! She sees John approach Rose holding out his arms. But Rose is walking right by him like she doesn't even see him! Now that is strange!

John can't understand it. Why did Rose give him the brushoff? Why? He tries to think of anything he may have said or done that would make her angry and comes up empty.
Bethia and Eleanor and Hillary are admiring little Julie.
"Can I hold her?" Hillary begs, "My daughter is 21 and studying in England, and I miss having a pair of little arms around my neck."
Rose happily hands the baby to Hillary, who starts talking and cooing to the little one.
"I say there, that baby is going to be a heart-breaker!" Celeste announces as she joins them. "Look at the blue eyes! Look at the shapely mouth! Rose, she's a treasure!"
Rose hugs Celeste, "I've missed you, Celeste, I would so love to be back here sitting around the table with you talking things out. You're like the mother I never had!"
Celeste hugs her back, "I know dear, I know, but things will improve, I have a feeling about it...."
Just then the door opens and Jerry and Roger come into the house still laughing at something Jerry said.
"Here he is, the GROOM!" Jerry bends and makes a flourish with his arm.
"Does this mean I have to dress up in ladies' lingerie?" Roger grins, "Does this mean I have to jump out of a cake?"
William and John exchange meaningful looks. No, it won't be Roger jumping out of a cake, but if Hunks R Us gets here on time, some other guy will.
"Looks like everyone is here," Eleanor announces in a loud voice, "Let the Games Begin!!!"

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!............by Coralynn

"I now turn the festivities over to our Entertainment specialist......Maril......I mean SALLY Reynolds!"
Everyone claps.
Ann and Sam the cameraman, still in an inconspicuous location, can't help seeing the shocking resemblance to Marilyn Monroe, the movie actress.
"My God, Sam, it's Marilyn Monroe!" Ann whispers to him.
"Can't be; she died in 1962, but you weren't even born then, so I suppose you can't be expected to know that."
"Hey Sam, I haven't spent my life living under a rock, of course I know that. However........this resemblance is uncanny."
"Want I should take her picture?" Sam inquires.
"Wait awhile, Sam. Get her picture when she's actually doing something besides just standing there."

Marilyn has everyone's attention and announces in ringing tones, "We will now line up for the Virginia Reel! Men, get in a line, women get in a line facing the men, but about 10 feet apart. Go!"
Some of the guests have never heard of the Virginia Reel and have confused expressions on their faces.
"I'll walk you through it!" Marilyn assures them, "NOW, line up straight, good, good," she puts on the CD containing Reel music, "NOW, go forward and bow and curtsy to the person across from you. GOOD, way to go!"
Since the group had lined up quickly, Rose hadn't noticed that the person straight across from her was John. Oh rats!
She bows toward him, but gives him a scowl.
"GREAT!" Marilyn continues over the sound of the music, "Now, go to the person and take hands, turn around and go back to your original place."
Everyone does that except Rose, who goes toward John but refuses to touch his hand.
Marilyn proceeds to the do-si-do, the grand right & left, which moves become more intricate as the reel progresses. Bill goes right instead of left during the grand r&l, which causes the whole thing to tangle badly, and soon several people are all bunched up, falling in a heap on the floor.

William manages to become upright and booms out, "Looks like we blew it!" laughing heartily, leaning on Jerry for support.
"Perfect!" Marilyn congratulates them, "I knew you'd all end up in a pile! Now don't you feel more relaxed? Have you worked up a good appetite? It is time to eat! The caterers have supplied us with light summer fare of salmon, lobster, and, for you hopeless carnivores.....steak. We will now proceed to the dining room!"

Everyone seats themselves around the banquet table which has been decorated in a wedding motif.
Rose sits on the opposite side of the table from where John is seated and as far down the table as she can manage.
He tries to make eye contact with her, but she refuses to look at him. His concern grows....what is the matter with this picture, he muses, why the sudden cold shoulder?
As the appetizers are being served by the catering service workers, one empty chair exists. Eleanor looks at it and then scans the assemblage to see who might be missing. Just as she is about to conclude it's Daniel, he enters the dining room carrying baby Julie, who is sound asleep.

Rose quickly stands and yells, "Put her back! Who gave you permission?"
"She's MY daughter!" Daniel says belligerantly.
Marilyn is incensed, leaves her chair, and, getting right up in Daniel's face, tells him, "You will put that baby back or you'll never get the chance to father any child ever....do you get my message?"
Henry can see how Daniel's presence is disrupting what should be a happy occasion, so he goes to Daniel and puts a comforting arm around his shoulder, leading him out of the room.
As they stand in the vestibule, Henry tells him softly but firmly, "You are to return to the castle immediately. You have no right to ruin Beth and Roger's shower. Here, let me take the baby and put her back. I want you out of here right now. And....you have one week to find new lodgings."
Daniel's face turns an unhealthy shade of purple, but he has no comeback for Henry's pronouncements, so he hands the baby to Henry and stomps out of the house, slamming the front door as violently as he can.

Henry replaces the still sleeping baby to her bassinet and returns to the dining room, taking his seat again as though nothing had ever happened.
Rose looks over at him and gives him a glance of appreciation. This is the first time Henry has ever come to her defence. Will wonders never cease?

The scene with Daniel has not been lost on 'Sharon' (aka Susan, aka WandaSue), who thinks, hmmm, babydoll, there seems to be more to this situation than I thought!! So this Daniel guy thinks he's the baby's father, does he? Rose must have slept around a lot.....a whole lot.....wonder if Montgomery knows about this.....this is great.....more ammunition to get money out of that cheap tramp Rose!



Rafe eats the food with his right hand while his left hand rests on his bag of tools.
"When should I make my move?" he wonders to himself, "Maybe when these foolish people are opening up all those gifts piled in the other room, yes, that will keep them distracted. I can sneak up the stairs to the bedrooms where these rich people keep their jewelry and other valuables. Then I can sell them and have so much money I can move to another town, one where Jack isn't watching my every move. That guy is getting on my nerves!"

Since the conversation at the table is lively and noisey, William feels it safe to ask John about the big cake they ordered. John is sitting to his left, so William leans toward him slightly and whispers, "Did the Hunks R Us folks arrive yet?"
"Yes," John whispers back, "they're in that utility room off the kitchen. When one of us gives the word, they'll wheel out the cake into the den where the gifts are stacked. We can offer a toast and then it will appear and a guy will pop out of the top."
William grins, "And we'll pretend to be very surprised!"
John nods, "Oh yes, absolutely!"

Bess has never seen such a sumptuous feast. She copies every move she sees Eleanor make, as Eleanor knows all about which fork to use, whereas until Bess came to the 21st century she'd never even seen a fork, never mind several of them lined up at the edge of her plate.

Grace hopes the gift she brought is appropriate, after all, this is high class society she's in. How on earth did that happen to a poor ignorant girl from the 1600s, anyway?? She feels tempted to go into the other room and turn on the TV so she doesn't miss an episode of her favorite soap opera. She watches most of them with Gilda every day and is dying to know what happens to the guy on The Edge of Reason who has such bad amnesia. Will he remember his wife and three children, or will he wander around in a fog for the rest of his life? I really would like to know, she thinks, but I don't dare leave the table.

Eleanor has been watching Rose throughout the festivities and has noticed that the other woman is giving John the cold shoulder. She wonders why. The man is besotted with Rose, surely she knows that! Is Rose actually falling for Billy Bob Montgomery, could that be it?

Celeste sighs. These people are her 'family' now, and she has never felt so at home. I do sense trouble between Rose and John, though, she thinks. There has been a misunderstanding that could be cleared up in five minutes flat, I just know it. There they both sit with a wall.....yes....erected by Rose, between them. I agree with her: she should be back here talking around the kitchen table with me, talking things out. Then these misunderstandings could be avoided. Sure hope they work it out.

Bethia is loving every minute of the party. She glances around at all her friends and feels great warmth for them. Then there's Roger, the best guy this century has produced so far, and she's going to be his wife. Thank you, thank you William, Eleanor and Rosamond for bringing me here.

Ann and Sam have been asked to eat with the group and agreed. They really like all these people, and whoever would have thought Bill and Hillary Clinton would be in attendance? Gotta get a picture of them with the Couple of Honor....it would look sensational in the newspaper.

'Sharon' refills Rose's wine glass and barely restrains herself from knocking it into the other woman's lap. "I'll wait till they're opening presents, then I'll sneak up the staircase and steal as many expensive items as I can from the bedrooms...." she thinks.

Slim, in the Utility Room, is practicing getting himself hoisted up on the little shelves on the inside walls of the 'cake' so that when it's rolled out he won't have his feet on the floor running to keep up, which the owners of Hunks R Us said was not acceptable.
Since it'll be at least an hour or two before the cake is needed, he tells the owners he has to use the restroom, which he does, but he hangs around in there, then peeks out to see where the nearest staircase is. A-ha, over there......now......I think I can case the upstairs while these silly people are in the den opening presents. He has the ski mask stuffed into his pocket. Ahhhhh yes.


GIFTS and THIEVES..........by Coralynn

"On to the gift opening!" Marilyn announces after everyone is finished eating.
They slowly rise and stretch, fully sated.
"Everyone in the same room, now.....we'll alternate between the gifts for Beth and the ones for Roger!"
Soon they are all seated and early anticipating the fun of seeing what the Couple of Honor receive.
Beth smiles as Eleanor hands her the first gift to open, "Ahhhhhh, could it be bigger than a bread box?" Beth exclaims as she rips the paper off and there indeed is a breadbox. Everyone laughs.
"Thank you Marilyn, how thoughtful!" Beth says, but doesn't get any more out as Marilyn excitedly tells her, "This one plugs in, too, so you can keep your bread fresh. Open it up!"
Beth opens it and sees just about all the Pepperidge Farm products ever made inside. She holds up the items one after the other as everyone cheers.
"OK, now, YOU, John!"
William hands Roger a medium sized package, which Roger dutifully opens and pulls out a bull whip.
"What is this for?" he is amazed, "You see our house down there across the street, do you see any bulls in the yard?"
The others howl with laughter. "It's to be used on recalcitrant wives!" Henry yells out.
Roger throws the whip back into the box and looks for the tag to see whose idea this was. No tag.
"Whoever gave this to me wasn't brave enough to admit it!" he says breezily.


Slim has decided it's time to make his move. He slips the black ski-mask over his face and tiptoes up the stairs. Hmmmmm, the first door on the right, why not? He enters that room which is in total darkness. Fine, he thinks, I can feel my way around. I know what expensive jewely feels like after all.

Rafe never joined the others in the living room and knows he isn't missed, as who would care if he were there or not? He slowly makes his way up the stairs, holding his bag of tools close to his body to keep down the clanging noise they make. Ahhhhhh, this room looks like a good place to start. He notices the door is slightly ajar. Better yet, no one will hear me open the door. Dark in here; good. I do my best work in the dark.

WandaSue, aka 'Susan, aka 'Sharon', looks furtively over her shoulder to make sure no one sees her go up the back stairs off the kitchen. Good, no one does. Now, let's see, babydoll, she thinks, that door down there looks good, and it's already partially open. I'll just slide in and feel my way around. Surely a jewelry box shouldn't be hard to find. Dresser drawers are usually good places to stash valuables, too. She quietly enters the room.

Rafe feels strange. Why does he sense another person in the room? Nooooo, can't be! Now let's feel for the jewel box. Ahhhhhh, here it is! He opens it and feels.......another person's hand!!....
He tries not to show alarm. It must be his overactive imagination, after all, he hasn't pulled a caper in the last couple months. Yes, I feel something hard like a diamond ring.......

'Sharon' goes to the dresser and opens the top drawer....rifling through it she can tell it only contains hosiery. Rats! Now.....oh.....a jewely box....but.....but.....BUMP!!!
BUMP! BANG! The jewelry box clangs to the floor.
Three voices all emit, "WHAT?!"
Rafe is alarmed. There are other people in here......a trap has obviously been set. He grabs for where he thinks someone's throat may be and starts to squeeze.
"Stop it!" a man's strangled voice sounds out, "YOU FOOL!"
The light is switched on. The two men dive under the bed, one on each side.
'Sharon' then casually gathers up the jewelry that's been scattered on the floor, puts it in a pillow case, and sneaks back down the stairs.
The two men face each other from under the bed. "Who are you?" Rafe demands to know.
"Never mind that, buddy, it looks like we've been double-crossed!" Slim says angrily as he pulls himself back out from under the bed and stomps out of the room.
Rafe extricates himself as well and, turning the light out again quietly pads down the back stairs. There are some days when you can't win for losing, he reminds himself, this is one of those days!

Downstairs, the guests hear the BANG overhead and stop dead. Eleanor sighs and tells them, "It's my fault! I never did toggle bolt that bookcase to the wall!"
She goes to the pile of gifts and chooses another one for Beth as the converations resume.


PAINT, PLANTS & BUSTIERES.......by Terri

Eleanor handed Bethia a slim package. Bethia shook it.
"Sounds like a book!" Everyone laughed. Bethia ripped the paper off.
Marilyn cried out, "Be careful! For every package and ribbon you tear, that means a baby!"
Henry yelled out, "Hey, Rose! How many packages did YOU rip?!"
Inside was a beautiful book on Feng Shui decorating and a 1000.00 gift certificate to We Bee Plants. "It will help you get started on your decorating!"
Bethia smiled. "I can surely use the help! Feng Shui promotes harmony and love."
John whispered to El, "Should have given Rosamond that book then!"
The gifts to Roger had no names on it, no man wanted to admit what they had given him. One of the gifts was chocolate body paint! That got a round of laughter.

Rose shyly hands Bethia her gift. Bethia opens it up. "Oh, Rose! How beautiful!"
It was a sheer peach nightgown with matching robe. Underneath it Rose had put a Merry Widow bustier in red and black lace. "That's for when you are feeling bawdy!"
Marthy and Bess gave Rose an assortment of body lotions and bubble baths.
William brought out his best champagne. Everyone gave a toast.
"To Bethia and Roger---a true love story that defies the centuries!"
John kept trying to catch Rosamond's eye. She made a point to talk to everyone in the room--except him.
John grabbed Eleanor and took her into the kitchen. "Do you have ANY idea what her problem is?"
"No, not really. She seemed fine to me. Although she never did return my calls. Maybe she never got the message. Men are notoriously bad for relaying the messages."
John grimaced. "Eleanor, I'm going to go upstairs and see my baby. Cover for me if needs be. I don't want Rose to go into a tizzy fit. After Daniel, I don't know how she'll react in her present mood."
"Will do."
John slipped up the stairs to Rosamond's old room. A bassinet was in the corner.
The baby was sleeping. John reached in and picked her up. "Hello, Princess! My, how you've grown! You don't know it yet, but I'm your daddy!" Julie stirred and opened her big blue eyes. She yawned. John cuddled the baby. He touched her little nose.
Just like your mommy's, he thought. But you've got my mouth! Julie's delicate little mouth turned up into a smile. John's eyes misted up and he kissed her little cheek.
Someday, Julie, .....someday! She yawned again and John rocked her until she fell asleep. He laid her tenderly back in the bassinet and covered her up with a blanket and went back downstairs with a heavy heart.


AND NOW, FOR YOUR PLEASURE, MAY WE PRESENT.......Coralynn

When John returns from seeing the baby, the gift opening is wrapping up. Beth has just opened a gift from Marthy; a set of silver candle holders which she is holding up in delight.
Roger is sitting with piles of wrapping paper around his chair, puzzling over the sex toys he has just unwrapped from "anonymous"........saying: "Ya know guys, you should at least own up to these gifts! I mean....." and the laughter begins anew.

Rafe has slipped into the room as unobtrusively as possible and is now standing in the corner glowering.
WandaSue aka 'Sharon' is back at her work station, cleaning up the debris from the great feast. She nibbles on a piece of leftover lobster.
"Hey, babydoll, you got the goods.....you beat those guys at their own game.....wonder how many thousands of dollars worth of jewels I have in that pillow case. Wonder who those guys were, too. That one had a ski mask on, talk about stupid, and that other one dove under the best so fast that all I saw were his shoes. Pretty ratty shoes, too. I hate cleaning up after these people, these snobs, these elite scum, but if those jewels are worth a lot it will have been worth it!"

Ann and Sam ask if people will please pose for photos for the Society Page of the newspaper. Since the two have successfully ingratiated themselves with the party-goers, they are more than eager to help them out.
"Yes, that's good, but Hillary, move in a little closer to Beth......good! Did you get that, Sam?"
He signals a thumbs up.
William goes to the storage room off the kitchen and alerts them that in about five minutes they are to wheel out the cake, then rejoins the group.
He signals to one of the waiters to be sure to refill everyone's wine glasses, which the man commences to do.
Grace hasn't been given a wine glass and thinks it odd, so she grabs one off an end table and holds it out for her 'refill.'
No one notices this, as they're all too busy with other more exciting things.
William goes to the middle of the room and announces, "To the Happy Couple! May you live long and prosper!"
"Here! Here!" rings out from some of the others as they all hold their glasses aloft.
Suddenly a gentle grinding sound is heard as a huge fake cake is wheeled into the room. There is an expectant buzz from everyone.....who arranged that? What IS that?

Slim is holding on to the small shelves inside the cake for dear life. At one point his left foot drops to the floor and is all but twisted back from the forward motion. Damn!! he wants to curse aloud, but stifles it.
The kitchen help now gathers at the door to the living room where obviously something fun is about to happen. 'Sharon' wonders what else these degenerates may have for their celebration. Why can't I be a guest here, why must I work in the lousy kitchen?

Someone has just punched in the CD that contains the song 'The Stripper' and after about 10 seconds the top of the cake bursts open and up pops a man clad in a speed-0, gyrating to the beat.
He locks eyes with Rose and yells out, ala Stanley Kowalski, "LAUUUUUUUURRRRAAAAAA!"
Rose drops her glass, which smashes on the floor as 'Sharon' emits a scream and runs back into the kitchen.
Grace, who has drained her glass in 5 seconds, rushes to the cake and, climbing up, tromping it into the floor, grabs Slim and begins twining herself around him.
He tries to throw her off. No good; she has a death grip on various sensitive parts of his body.
William rushes over and pulls at her to get her away from this poor fellow who is only doing a job for the love of Pete!
Sam, the cameraman, can't resist taking a few photos of this melee, if only for his own scrapbook.
Ann, the intrepid reporter is wondering, "How do I write about this for the society pages?"


THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR EAVESDROPPING......by Terri

Slim yelled, "Hey! Get this ditzy broad off me! (Watch that speedo, wacko!) Hey! NOT THERE!"
William and John rushed over to extricate Grace from Slim, who tried to scramble back into the cake.
Grace clawed at the cake, "I just LOVE that rich filling in that cake!" (Hiccup!)
William passed her off to Celeste and wiped the sweat off his brow. John could hardly suppress a smile. Nice to see someone else have grief for a change!
Celeste took Grace back to a chair. "Oh, Miss, would you happen to have a glass of water for her?"
Grace, through her alcoholic fog, said, "Miss Caterer, you look kind of like an Avon Lady I know! Would you happen to have any of that Skin So Soft bath oil? Love it, but it makes the tub greasy..."
'Sharon' stumbled around. Damn! My cover can't be blown by a dimwit like that! She stared Grace in the eye. "I'm afraid, Ma'am, that you have me confused with someone else. Avon, indeed! I'm allergic to it, I wouldn't sell it, let alone wear it! But here's the water!"
Grace drank it and immediately passed out.
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
William knocked on the cake. "Uh, sorry, guy, she's a little under the weather! She's sedated now!"
Slim sat inside the cake, afraid to come out. He was taking an inventory of his body parts.
El turned to Rose and said, "Why did he look at you and call you 'Laura'? Does he know you?"
Rose just shrugged her shoulders and did her best to look bewildered. "He obviously has me confused with someone named 'Laura'. " Eleanor grabbed Rosamond by the wrist and led her to the pantry off the kitchen.
"OK, Rosamond, spill the beans. What are you trying to do to John?"
"I don't know what you mean!"
"You have been ignoring him all night!"
"No, I haven't! I'm just....preoccupied."
"Preoccupied? Or just occupied? Like spending the night at the Plaza with Montgomery?"
Rosamond jerked her wrist away from Eleanor. "You mean, spending the night with my HUSBAND?"
Eleanor just stared at her in disbelief.
Rosamond rubbed her wrist and said, "Eleanor, I love you. But this conversation has reached its limit." She walked back to the party.
The kitchen phone rang. Eleanor grabbed it. "Hello?"
A woman's voice said, "Hello, may I speak to Mr. John Gwinnett, please?"
Eleanor put the phone down. She said in a low voice to John, "Phone for you. Better take it in the kitchen." John went into the kitchen. "Hello?"
"John, this is Penelope." the voice purred.
"Oh. Hi."
"John, I'm having the most hideous time getting into the role of Daisy. I want to make this role MINE. I don't want to stand in Ms. de Clifford's shadow. I want to bring a new dimension to her. A passionate one! Ms de Clifford's role was smoldering sexuality just bubbling below the surface. I want her to be dynamic! A Scarlett O'hara. Blatant. No subtlety."
John said, "Penelope, you have to remember that this is daytime drama. Not Dynasty or Dallas. And certainly not an X-rated movie. I think you need to take this up with Marty. He's the producer."
"Oh, but John--I thought we hit it off just right at dinner the other night! I think you can help me get her character to be just like you...I mean 'Brad' would want her."
At this moment Rosamond passed the kitchen and heard John on the phone.
She just heard his parts of his conversation: "...an X-rated movie...yes, dinner was nice....yes, the drink you made was just fine....no, it was about 2:00 AM when I got in....hahaha....we'll do it again....dinner tomorrow night?...."

Rose leaned her head against the wall and took a ragged breath. I guess it really IS over, she thought. I am just surprised he hasn't told me yet.
She went up the stairs to check on the baby.
She rearranged the covers over Julie. That's funny---the pink blanket was on the OUTSIDE of the bunny print one....oh, I must be mistaken. Her cellphone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Sugah--it's me. The seminar ended earlier than I thought and I just got back from dinner with a couple of the guys. What are you up to?"
Rose kicked her shoes off and stretched out on her old bed. "I'm at Bethia's for her bridal shower."
The phone conversation lasted a few minutes, with only Rosamond's side audible.
"....no, it's really nice....yes, Julie made a big hit with everyone....no, they think she looks like me....(and has her father's mouth, not that I would repeat that to YOU, Rose thought)......well, of course he is here....oh, for God's sake, don't start in with THAT again, Montgomery....I TOLD you it is over....well, I thought I proved that to you....no...no....well, how could you NOT at the Plaza...un huh....un huh....what? (giggle)....no, I'll call Jameson and ask him....I guess...I don't know, when we went out to dinner with them the other night....well, when are you coming home?.....yes, me too....yes, I'll kiss her for you....allright..allright..see you then...yes, me too...yes.. OK...Goodnight!"
Unbeknownst to Rosamond, John was passing the hallway and heard every word of her end of the conversation.

John went to his room. Cellphone number six went sailing out the sliding glass door of the balcony and crashed to the concrete below. Cellphone number seven was in the on-deck circle, charged and ready to go.

'Sharon' was helping clean up. She was still shaking her head over the fact that it was Slim jumping out of the cake. Well, I certainly saw more...MUCH more...of Slim than I wanted to see! And where did he get the nerve to wear a Speedo? Whoever invented that should be drawn and quartered! From what I could see, he's been hitting the gym pretty regularly. He always did like to work out with weights. How'd he ever get a Bowflex, though, is beyond me!

Slim was finally coaxed out of the cake, paid a rather handsome tip by William and got a bonafide apology with it.
William took him aside. "One question, Mr. Skaggs...why did you look at one of our guests and call her 'Laura'?"
"Oh! That! Sorry about that! She is a dead ringer for a hooker I knew in Waco! It just startled me, that's all!" Slim realized his mistake when he jumped out of the cake and Rosamond dropped her glass. Slim looked at his tip. Quite generous but not as good as if I could have laid my hand on those jewels. People that live in houses like this certainly don't wear Sarah Coventry jewelry! Hell, I can always come back later! B&E, that's my specialty! Hey, maybe I should wait for 'Laura'--maybe she needs a ride home. Good thing the company let me use one of their vehicles. That monster truck, sweet as she is, is too conspicuous. She looked kind of upset here tonight. Wonder why?"
William walked Slim to the door. "Well, thanks again, Mr. Skaggs..you sure you are OK, uh...'south of the border' as it were? Sometimes when Grace drinks too much..."
Slim frowned."I'm sure the swelling will go down in a day or two....along with the bruises...."
William and Slim exchanged goodnights and Slim walked over to the Ford Escort.
Sure hope Wanda Sue is taking good care of my Falcon, he thought. He got in the car and let the engine idle for a few minutes, partly to warm the car up and partly to see if 'Laura' was alright. Just to make sure she gets home OK.

Mrs. Snow from the Rich and Famous Caterers was helping 'Sharon' carry out trays and chafing plates. "Well done, Sharon! I'd like to hire you on full-time. You were Johnny-on-the-spot with the water when that seriously deranged woman grabbed that hunk out of the cake!"
Sharon pretended to be thrilled. "OH! Yes! I'd love to be a part of your team!"
Great--no more dog biscuits and doggy doo to clean up! Instead I get to clean up after pigs! Well, at least I get to eat right! She patted her pocket where she had stashed a few lobster tails in foil.

Jerry helped Roger gather up his gifts. Yes, there were a few practical ones there...and a few not so practical ones! Jerry and Roger got their heads together and snickered over a few of them privately. Roger went into the kitchen where Bethia was covering a few of the leftovers with foil. He said, "Darling, don't you ever come out of the kitchen?" She threw her arms around him and said, "Just you wait until the morning of the 29th! You won't be able to get me out of the bedroom!" Roger laughed and gave her a kiss and hug. "Wear that black and red thing, alright?"

Jerry walked over to Eleanor and gave her a pinch on the butt. "How about dinner tomorrow night, just you and I?"
Eleanor grinned. "YES! OH YES! I need to escape from all this madness! Take me away, Mr. Calgon!"
Jerry gave her a kiss goodnight. "I'll call you tomorrow afternoon. By the way, John looks like he's on a bummer. What's wrong?"
Eleanor shrugged. "Darned if I know. But something is going on with him and Rosamond. She's hardly speaking to him. It almost sounds like she's trying to make her marriage work. I called over there this morning and her mother in law told me she spent the night at the...."
Eleanor stopped abruptly because John had just walked into the room. John went into the refrigerator, grabbed a cold beer and popped the top. ".....Plaza. It was the Plaza, Eleanor." John said. He opened the sliding glass door and went to the patio.
Eleanor sighed. "That's where he always goes to think...and to mull....and to brood..."

Rosamond put her shoes on. Looks like Julie is asleep for the night. Good thing we found that bassinet in the attic long ago. She gathered her purse, diaper bag and the baby. Bethia was at the foot of the stairs. She took the baby from Rosamondl. "I'll carry her out for you...unless you want John to.."
Rose said sharply, "NO!"
Outside Rosamond said to Bethia, "I heard him in the kitchen making dinner plans with Miss Pastrami. And taking her to an X-rated movie. He never even took me to a PG movie! Not once! I think out to dinner maybe twice. And one of those times it was pizza. Oh, and I found out that he had drinks at her house and didn't get in until 2:00 AM! Remember what Eleanor always said? Nothing good ever happens after midnight!"
Bethia put the baby in the carseat. "How did you find out all this, Rosamond?"
Rosamond's cheeks turned red. "I hear things."
Bethia said, "Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear."
Rosamond threw her purse in the front seat. "From the cheating bastard's own lips, Bethia!"
Bethia said her quiet little 'Oh." Then she said, "Are you in any shape to drive home, Rosamond?"
Rosamond said, "I had no liquor if that's what you mean. I'll be careful. I have my daughter in the back. MY daughter! Julie Beth MONTGOMERY!"
With that she got in her car and wiped the single tear that crept down her cheek with the back of her hand. "Don't worry about me, Bethia. Really. I have a rich husband who loves me and will buy me anything I want."
With that she pulled out of the drive. Bethia watched the tail lights. "Yes, Rose. He'll buy you anything you want. Except your freedom and the love of your life."
And with that she turned and walked back into the house.


ELEANOR and the JEWELS......by Coralynn

'Sharon', aka WandaSue, slams the door shut and hurries over to her bed, pulling out the pillow case that contains the jewels, dumping them out.
Her eyes gleam, Ahhhhh, babydoll, you have hit the motherlod! Just look at the brilliance of those diamonds! They should bring a pretty penny!
Her hands rifle through the good sized pile of jewelry. She begins sorting them into categories: ear-rings, bracelets, necklaces, brooches, and miscellaneous.
"HA!" she tells the walls of her apartment, "Just miscellaneous alone should make me a rich woman!"

Eleanor needs to get out of the uncomfortable shoes that she's worn all through the shower so she quickly runs up to her room to fetch her slippers.
As she flips on the light she immediately sees the empty jewely box lying on the floor. She yells out, "Hey! Come in here and see! HURRY!"
Beth and Marilyn and William and John rush up the stairs.
They see Eleanor sitting on the edge of her bed laughing so hard that tears are running down her face.
"Remember that bang we heard part way through the party?" she asks them.
They all nod.
"It wasn't my bookcase falling over, it was someone dropping this massive jewelry box on the floor! LOOK!" she holds it sideways so they can see the inside of the main compartment, "EMPTY!"
This causes her to laugh even harder.
Marilyn sits down beside her and, putting an arm around El's shoulder, says gently, "I know it's a shock that you were robbed, El, but why are you laughing?"
"Because......because....because," she finally controls her laughter enough to finish the sentence, "These are all fakes!"
The others then join in the laughter. "Someone is going to find out he or she robbed me for nothing! I love it!"

She looks up at William and asks, "Who do you think did this?"
William looks at John and they both answer, "Rafe!"
El and Beth get "I get it" expressions. "ohhhhhh, he was a highwayman, right? he was a thief?" Beth asks.
"Still is one from what I figure out!" William says bitterly, "And to think we brought him here out of the goodness of our hearts! That'll show us!!"
Eleanor wipes the tears off her face and shakes her head, "The real ones are in a safety deposit box at the bank. But.....if these had been real we would have had to call the Police."
"But Rafe thought they were real!" John points out, "So what's the difference?"
William answers, "Because the fewer times the Police are called to this address the better. We don't need the publicity.....again!"
Everyone nods their agreement and slowly move out of the room. Eleanor puts the empty jewelry box back on the dresser and gives one last chuckle.

MARS and VENUS, by Terri
Rosamond pulled into the ranch and grabbed her purse, Julie, and all Julie's paraphernalia. Little girl, she thought, you have as much stuff as I do! As she entered the back door, J.R. called out, "That you, Rose, honey?"
Rose stuck her head into the den. J.R. was sitting there smoking a pipe and going over some of Billy Bob's invoices. "Yes, it's me, Dad."
"Hear from your husband? He called the house looking for you." "Yes, he got me on my cellphone. I was at my friend Bethia's. She's getting married in a few weeks and I am a bridesmaid. How has Mrs. Montgomery been?"
"Ornery as ever. Glad you were able to get away for the evening. Friends are important."
Rose sighed. "I have the best. And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to put the baby down and then relax with a good book."
"'Night, hon. I'll lock up. Oh....Rose? I've been meaning to say this. You are a right fine addition to the family. I hope you'll always be around. I mean it." She came over and gave J.R. a hug. "You're a wonderful man."
She slipped up the stairs with the baby, able to escape the notice of Mary Ellen. The TV was on, though. Yeah, she's watching that show that takes you into the movie stars' homes.
The baby was fussy so Rosamond picked her up. Hmmm..that's strange. She smells like...Grey Flannel. That's John's brand. I should know because I bought it for him! Could he have sneaked up to my room? The blanket WAS reversed, of that I am sure.
Well, Mr. John Gwinnett--if you end up with that Penelope Fatbutt, you'll never get to see or hold your daughter again! Even if I have to move to Sundown!
She bathed the baby, nursed her and Julie fell asleep. She put her in her crib in the nursery off the master bedroom. Rosamond took a quick shower and slid under the covers, picking up that book "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus." Well, isn't that the truth! she thought.
Her cellphone rang. She reached over and looked at the Caller ID. John. She switched it off.

John dialed Rosamond's cellphone. Enough of this bull, he thought. I haven't said or done anything! I haven't seen her since that night I got stuck under Montgomery's bed. Except for tonight. And she froze me out!n I hadn't talked to her since she told me she had to put 1000.00 in Susan Hemingway's account.
The phone just rang and rang. He came into the room where Eleanor and Bethia were putting the last of the food away.
"She's not answering her cellphone. Do you suppose she got home alright?" Eleanor said, "I'm sure she did. Do you want one of us to call the ranch?"
John sat down at the table dejectedly. "Would you? I don't dare call. Her mother in law may answer."
Eleanor dialed the ranch number. J.R. answered.
"Hello, this is Eleanor. We were just making sure Rosamond made it home alright..is she there?....oh, I see...no, don't disturb her....yes, she DID look a little tired....yes, Mr. Montgomery, your granddaughter is a beauty....no, please, don't disturb Rose. We just wanted to make sure she got home OK...yes, you too...Goodnight."
She turned to Beth and John. "She's home. He seems like a decent enough fellow. He said she went right up to bed, looked really worn out." John glowered. "His granddaughter! HIS granddaughter? How about it being Samuel and Julia Gwinnett's granddaughter? So what if they have been dead for almost 400 years!"
Eleanor stood behind John and rubbed his shoulders. "Simmer down, John. She may be PMS-ing. Or who knows what grief Montgomery is giving her. Their relationship changes by the hour!"
Bethia looked skeptically at John. Cheating bastard, Rosamond called him? She wouldn't be mistaken about something like that....did he just get tired of waiting for Rose and went with an easy mark?
Eleanor said, "I think we all need a good night's sleep."
Bethia said, "I changed the design of the bridesmaid dresses, let me show you, Eleanor..."
John raised his hands and said, "This is out of my league. Things may look better in the morning."
Eleanor held her hand out. "Give it here."
John reached in his back pocket and gave Eleanor his cellphone.
"This isn' t the one from this morning."
"You'll find that one on the patio. What's left of it."
Eleanor looked at the phone and said, "Hello, Mr. Seven!"


ANOTHER MORNING, ANOTHER NEWSPAPER.....by Coralynn

William is the first one up in the morning. He's been considering what approach to use when he confronts Rafe about the theft and is still going back and forth in his mind as he goes out to bring in the five morning newspapers to which he subscribes.

He brings them in and puts them on the table, concluding "I'll just have to go over to the Elmwood house and have it out with the fellow, I think it's the only alternative."
He draws a cup of coffee and sits down for his early morning routine of coffee and the news.
The first newspaper is laid out flat and.......what is that?! NO! NO! A picture of Grace assaulting the guy in the cake! How could this happen?
He reads the caption, "Demented woman attacks nude man in cake at Wedding Shower!"
The other newspapers, which he looks at immediately, have nothing about it. Hmmmmmm, William thinks, why just this one? Ohhhhhh, it's the newspaper that seemingly nice reporter and cameraman represent. We should have known!
He dials up that newspaper and gets Mr. Nichols, the managing editor on the phone, "This is William. The shower you have such a disgusting picture of on your front page was at my house, and I object! I object strenuously! We let the reporter and cameraman into our house to cover a feature for the Society Pages, not for the front pages!"

Mr. Nichols is embarrassed. He strong-armed Sam into giving over the photo they put in the morning edition, and now it's backfired on him, so to cover his culpability he hastens to answer, "Sam did not volunteer the photo; we insisted. Is it an accurate depiction of what happened or not? If not, then write a letter to the editorial page!" and he slams down the phone.
If William were a cartoon, steam would be shooting out both ears.
Eleanor enters the kitchen and sees the black cloud over William's head, "So, William, I think our shower last night was a blazing success; why so wroth?"
He shakes the newspaper in front of her face and makes sounds that don't resemble any known language.
She casually look at the front page and slams it down on the table. "That does it!" she says as she dials up the newspaper, "I want to speak to Ann Harmon, please!......yes.......fine, I'll hold.......Hello, Miss Harmon, this is Eleanor who lives in the house on Winding Willow Lane where the shower you attended yesterday was held. We allowed you into our house on good faith; what do you have to say for yourself?"
William looks at Eleanor to see what she's going to say next, but El just seems to be listening for several minutes.
Her tone of voice changes, "I see........I understand......no, it isn't your fault......please don't cry.......yes, I know you had nothing to do with it.........Sam took the picture almost as a reflex action, you say?........yeah, that could happen.........NO, don't quit your job, not over this........I know, we enjoyed getting to know you, too. Now, please, dry your eyes and try to have a good day.......Great....Bye!"

"So now you're colluding with the enemy?" William accuses her when she's hung up the receiver.
"It wasn't her doing; it wasn't Sam's doing......that Mr. Nichols is the culprit. Hmmmmmm, when we get a chance let's do something embarrassing to Mr. Nichols, what say ye?"
"I'll have to give that some thought, El, but it does have a nice revenge ring to it and I know how you so enjoy that. Right now, though, I have to go over to the Elmwood house and yell at Rafe. I may end up taking him back to his original timeframe, since he can't seem to behave in this one."
Eleanor raises one eyebrow, "Remember, though, William, in the United States a person is innocent till proven guilty!"
"Yeah, right!" he scowls, "And if you believe that, I have a nice bridge I'd like to sell you......" with that he goes up to his room to dress.


RAFE OVER THE COALS............by Coralynn

William drives to the house on Elmwood Avenue, and, using the key he took from Bethia's keyring, unlocks the front door.
Turning to Apt #2, he bangs on the door. He hears no response, so he bangs louder and louder.
Jack opens the door with a puzzled expression, then, upon seeing William, smiles as asks, "Well, hello, William, what brings you out so early in the morning?"
William enters the apartment and asks, "Did you see Rafe come home last night?"
"Why, yes I did; he got back about 10:30, shortly after I did," Jack tells him.
"Did he seem to be carrying something with him?"
"Noooooo, in fact, I know he wasn't, because I looked at his tattered clothes and wondered when he was ever going to update them. I would have noticed if he'd been carrying anything."
"No bulges in his pockets?"
"Those clothes don't have pockets, William!"
William sits on the couch and drums his fingers on an endtable, "Is he here?"
"He has to be....he is never an early riser," Jack says as he goes to Rafe's bedroom and knocks gently on the door.
Rafe's glowering face appears, "Yeah? What?" he asks Jack in an angry tone.
Jack doesn't respond in kind, but tells him, "William is here to ask you some questions. Can you come out?"
Rafe thunders into the living room, and, still wearing the outfit he had on the night before, stands in front on William, looking angrily at the other man.
"Rafe," William begins in as pleasant a tone as he can manage, "Do you know anything about a theft that occurred at the shower last evening in one of the upstairs bedrooms?"
"NO!"
"Where were you at about 8:30, Rafe?"
"Minding my own business, which I would suggest you do as well!" Rafe is walking back to his room.
"NOT SO FAST!" William yells, "Come here and sit down if you don't want us to dispose of you!"
Rafe sits on a chair as far away from William as he can, "Dispose?"
"If you dislike this century so much, which you appear to do, we can always take you back to 1777! Now, are you going to behave and cooperate or shall we take you back and let the redcoats kill you.......again."
Rafe appears to be thinking this over. "I want to stay here, but there's nothing to DO here. I'm only good at one thing."
"Stealing, right?"
"Right. OK, if you must know, William," Rafe's tone becomes almost normal, "I was up in that bedroom, but so were two other people. Just as I located the jewel box another man did, too, and then that woman flipped on the lights and the other guy and I dove under the bed."
"How did you know it was a woman?"
"I could see her ankles from under the bed. I didn't get a good look at the guy because he was wearing some knitted thing over most of his face. But......the woman took the jewely, not me, not the other guy, so what else do you wanna know?"
"Three of you? You mean to tell me that three of our guests set out to burgle the house? We'll have to be more careful who we invite!"
Jack interjects, "But William, there were waiters and waitresses and the catering staff and then the guys from HunksRUs......don't forget."
William chews on his lower lip, "True, true, the other two might have been workers, not guests. I can't believe our guests, other than you Rafe, would stoop so low."
"You don't like me much, do you William?" Rafe sincerely asks.
"What is there to like, Rafe? You display an intense dislike for everyone and everything......you won't even let us buy you a proper suit of clothes.....you refuse to get gainful employment....."
"Gainful employment, what in hell is that?!"
"A Job, Rafe, a paying job. One that doesn't bring in the Police to investigate. One like some of the rest of us have!"
"Oh-ho!" Rafe says mockingly, "You think I would ever be on a TV show? Doing what, teaching little tykes how to rob banks?"
"See what I mean, Rafe? You have a one-track mind! I'm going to go over to the Big House now and see if the others have any ideas for what job you may be suited for. Look at you, man! You're young and strong and I suppose good looking. You're throwing away the life God gave you insisting that robbing is your only calling."
William goes to the door and leaves. Jack glances at Rafe, who sits on the couch deep in thought.
Well, well, Jack thinks, Perhaps this guy is capable of thinking. I hope William finds him a job because I'm tired of babysitting this joker. I want to move back to my room at the Big House the sooner the better!


As William returns to the Big House and enters the kitchen, he sees that most of the others are up.
"Family meeting!" he announces in a loud voice.
"Since most of us are here, maybe not fully awake, but here, tell us what this is all about while we drink our coffee," Elearnor suggests.
"OK," William straddles a chair backward, "I drove over to the Elmwood house and confronted Rafe about the robbery. He didn't do it.....Jack said he saw Rafe come back from the shower and he had nothing extra with him. Rafe told me that he was up in Eleanor's room looking for jewely, but that so were two others, a man and a woman. The woman carried off the jewelry because the men dived under the bed, I know it sounds crazy, but then what isn't crazy around here anymore?"

Bethia is trying to wrap her mind around all this, "Three people tried to rob the house?"
"That's what Rafe told me," William answers, "NOW, I gave him an ultimatum: he either gets gainful employment and stops stealing for a living or he goes back to 1777."
John emits a whistle, "Whew....that's putting it on the line!"
"Had to be done," William turns toward John, "The man has been a liability from the moment he arrived. Do we want one of our rescuees in jail?"
A knock sounds on the door leading out into the back yard. They turn and see Daniel standing there. Ohhhhh now what, they all wonder.

Marilyn grabs her robe more tightly around here and opens the door, glaring up at Daniel. "What do you want now?" she asks, frowning.
"I want to apologize," Daniel says as he steps into the kitchen, and then, looking around at everyone, says, "I'm sorry I made a scene at the shower. There, I've said it. Henry is so angry with me that he's given me one week to move out."
John looks at his twin brother and shakes his head, "How can you afford that?"
Daniel sits on a chair and purses his lips, "Gotta get me a good job, one that pays real money. Singing at that roadhouse just doesn't pay enough."
John stretches out his arms, twines his hands and cracks his knuckles, "I think I have the solution to both your problem, Daniel, and Rafe's as well!"
Everyone perks up and all await John's 'solution'.

"I was waiting to tell you later, but the deal goes through today. I am now the proud owner of a fitness center franchise."
Expressions of surprise and delight are on everyone's face, except for Daniel, who doesn't quite get the connection, but then he wouldn't, would he?

John goes on, "I need some employees, men who can help the clients use the fitness machinery and oversee the workouts. You might be able to do that Daniel, after you get some training in the procedures."
Daniel pretends to be thinking it over, but he's really latched on to the idea as the perfect job for him, "I could, I suppose....."
William is getting impatient, "You suppose? Tell me, Daniel, how many other jobs are banging down your door?"
"OK, OK then, I accept," Daniel tells John as if he were doing John a big favor.

John asks William, "Do you think Rafe would hire on as well? I don't know if he's amenable to learning a new job, but this one wouldn't require a high degree of education, just a willingness to learn and to show UP on time everyday."
"I'll tell him," William stands, "He really has no choice now, does he? He will learn and he will show up on time every day or he will find himself bounced back onto that highway in 1777! Meeting dismissed!"

The meeting may have been dismissed, but there is still buzzing over who committed the robbery.
Marilyn scratches her head, "Hey, a woman robbed us? What woman? Surely not one of our guests. We are all together all the time. I don't recall any of the women going off somewhere else!"
Eleanor adds, "No, it wasn't one of the guests. The only guest with a severe social problem is Grace, and we all saw what she did. She may be addle-brained, but I can't see her as a thrief. Nope....had to be someone working the shower, maybe someone from the catering company."
Bethia sighs, "There were quite a few women working here, maybe 8 or 10 of them. Should we phone up the catering company and tell them that one of their employees robbed our house?"
"NO!" Eleanor says quickly, "We don't have any proof."
"I'm going to ask Celeste!" Marilyn jumps up and goes to the suite Celeste and Little Will have off the family room. She returns in about 30 seconds, Celeste in tow.
Celeste pours herself some coffee and listens to the problem. Sitting with her cup in front of her, she puts her hands around the cup and becomes pensive.
"I see a black haired woman who has red hair," Celeste tells them.
They stare at her. What kind of riddle is that?!
"I know that's not much help," Celeste laughs, "but if I get anything more I'll tell you right away."
They all thank her and drift off to their respective bedrooms to dress for the day.

Eleanor snags Bethia and asks, "Beth, has Rose told you anything about why she's being so cold to John? I really have to know. Their relationship is unraveling and I think there's a huge misunderstanding...."
Beth gestures for Eleanor to accompany her to her bedroom. They enter and Beth closes the door firmly.

"I promised Rose I wouldn't tell, but......" she begins.
"But what? what?" Eleanor is dying to hear the rest.
"Well, according to Rose, she and Montgomery were at a fancy French restaurant, and she saw John and another woman come in with Marty Henshaw and his wife. She said John seemed to be very attentive to this new woman, I think her name is Penelope somebody. Then she overheard him talking to the woman on the phone, arranging another date, and she is sure John has moved on to another."

Eleanor gasps, "NO! John was there because he had to be. It was more a business arrangement than a social occasion. He can't stand the woman, at least that's what he told me. He has definitely not moved on!"
"Oh oh!" Beth frowns, "in the meantime Rose is treating John like he's a cheating bastard, to borrow her phrase for him."
"This can't continue," Eleanor says firmly, "we have to get those two talking to each other, really talking. We could always lock them up in the wine cellar and not let them out till they've kissed and made up!" she laughs.
"You laugh, but that's a great idea!" Bethia is enthusiastic. "How can we get them both here at the same time and lure them, one by one, down to the cellar?"
"You're serious, aren't you?" Eleanor asks.
"Absolutely!" Bethia answers, "The sooner the better, too. How about tomorrow? I can ask Rose to come over to help me with the bridesmaid's dresses, and you can ask John......."
"I know! I can ask him to help me select the best wine for the wedding reception! Sure hope he knows something about wine or he won't fall for it."
"I'll phone Rose and ask her. I'll find some pretext for getting her down to the cellar.........well, I'll think up something!" Beth throws her hands up in the air.


MACK TRUCK LOVIN'......by Terri

Rosamond was half asleep when she reached over to feel for her husband. Empty.
Oh, yeah, that's right...he's in Dallas.

John awoke early and realized he had to go to the studio. Damn! I have to put up with that Penelope Patterson all over me. Can a woman be any more aggressive? She's definitely NOT my type! Too much...way too much. He showered, grabbed a quick bagel and headed down to the kitchen for his morning coffee.

Rosamond passed the day keeping busy, avoiding Mary Ellen as much as possible and trying not to think of the fact that John had found another. While Julie was napping, she saddled up Belle and went for a long ride to clean the cobwebs out of her mind.

John passed the day at the studio trying to avoid Penelope Patterson and wondering what the heck was in Rosamond's mind. Cobwebs? Why was she wasting valuable time while Montgomery was in Dallas? We could be having a mini vacation at the beach, just the three of us.

After dinner, which Senator Montgomery had barbequed, Rosamond answered the phone. It was her husband.
"Hey, Sugah--do I ever miss you! Wish I was home right now. How was Bethia's shower?"
"Uneventful. I was home by 10:00. Verla wants me to meet her at the Inn tonight to go over a few wedding plans. Even though it isn't until August, she wants to show me the bride magazines. She can't leave the Inn because Josie called in sick. So I'll be with her for a while."
"Rosamond, honey, I don't like you going down there all by yourself."
Rose grew a little short-tempered. "Oh, come on! You had no objections when I used to go down there to meet you! What's changed?"
Billy Bob was a little testy himself. "Yeah, and look what it led to!"
"And what's THAT supposed to mean?"
"What do you THINK I mean?"
"And what does THAT mean?"
Somehow, this Mars/Venus stuff just isn't working, she thought. They argued a bit and hung up on a strained note.

Thank goodness for Juanita, Rosamond thought. She put on her jeans and boots and her jean jacket. It was the one that John had bought her at Christmas. Oh, the hell with it, she thought! She got in the Miata and headed for the Dew Drop Inn.

Her eyes adjusted to the dark and she went up to the bar. Bobby Joe was there, bartending. "Well, if it isn't Mrs. Montgomery!"
Rosamond said, "Don't call me that! Reminds me of my mother in law!" "OK, Tequila Sunrise! That better?"
"Much better!"
"Verla left a message for you. Said she had to go home, one of her dogs got sick. She tried your cellphone but it was turned off. You had already left the ranch, Mary Ellen said. Verla said to apologize and that she'd call you tomorrow."
"That's OK, Bobby Joe. I'm not in the mood to look at bride stuff. I've had my limit for a while. NOW! Set me up with a Tequila Sunrise!"

"Well, well, well, if it isn't 'Laura'!"
Rosamond looked Slim up and down. "Your icepack made a wet spot on your pants."
He looked down and laughed. "So it did! Honest! It's water!"
He sat down next to her. He picked up a bottle of tequila and said, "Here--drink this and call me when you're ready! Because I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on the face of the earth tonight!"
Rosamond said to Bobby Joe, "Thanks! I need this!"
Bobby Joe looked at Slim and said to Rosamond, "Is he bothering you?"
Rose said, "Not yet. I'll let you know when."
Slim smiled a self-satisfied smile. Well, well, well! Bobby Joe Houston doesn't recognize me!

Rosamond took a sip of her Tequila Sunrise. MEN! John dumps me without a word! Here I birthed his baby and this is the way he treats me? And then Montgomery trying to boss me around long distance! And now Mr. Speedo here...
Slim ordered a boilermaker. He tried to remember what he had read in his Advanced Macking manual. Let's see if I got this right.... I need to whisper in her ear. I have to jump start that chemistry so that I can go from 'nice friendly guy' to 'potential playmate'. Yeah, that's right! I need to whisper in her ear. He mouthed a few words. Rosamond said, "I can't hear you."
Ah, good! Slim thought. He leaned in a little closer so he could whisper in her ear.
OK, what was next? Oh, yeah, keep your voice mellow. Don't shout. Don't talk too fast. Talk slooooowwww! I want to change her state from 'strung out, scared and nervous' to 'comfortable, relaxed and mellow.' Yeah, I need to space out my words. Whisper slowly and it will put her in a trance!
But can I pull off the third one? This could get me that Tequila Sunrise right in the face! This is tricky! The boob touch!
I need to brush against her chest with my knuckles. Make it look like it's an accident!
She might not even notice it the first time. But the book guarantees that if I give her enough time she will start to enjoy it! Maybe even start leaning towards me!

OK, let's give it a go!
Rose ordered another Tequila Sunrise. She thought, I don't think there is enough Tequila in here to drown out John's memory.
Slim leaned forward. He 'accidently' brushed against Rosamond. Keep my voice mellow! Mellow! Remember, it's not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it!
So he started. He talked slow, low and mellow in her ear.

"Ok, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing I know, you're giving me your cellphone number because I'm too shy to ask for it. I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, maybe even an R-rated one, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together. Finally we get past this sexual tension and develop this really intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while. A few months later, we get married. You get a promotion, I get a promotion, we buy a house. You really want kids but I really want my freedom. We have a kid anyways, only to find I am resentful. The sparks start to fade and to rekindle them, we have two more lovely kids but now I work too much to keep up with the bills because you spend too much money. I have no time for you, you're stressed out and stop taking really good care of yourself. So to ge past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence, I turn to a sleazy outside affair for gratification. You find out because I am careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out and justifiably so, and we have to explain to our kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about our children! For Pete's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual because we both know where it's going. What do you say?"
Slim leaned in and touched Rose again on the boob. She leaned forward, whispered seductively to Slim, "What are you drinking?"
He leaned forward, touched her again and said, "A shot in a beer."
Rose signaled for Bobby Joe. "Another one for each of us, Bobby Joe."
Bobby Joe frowned but put the respective drinks down. Rose picked up the boilermaker, grabbed Slim by the waistband, and dumped it in his pants, ice and all. She put her arm around his neck, drew his ear to her lips and said, "No, thanks, I don't feel like dancing!"

Slim gasped and shook his leg out. Ice cubes came out the pants leg. "Hey, what's with you anyway? You could have said 'no thanks' without the dousing!"
Rose turned on him. "YOU MEN are the matter with me! You all think you can just crook your little finger and I'll come running! I am my own person. DO YOU HEAR ME? I've been dumped on, lied to, cheated on, used and abused by better men than you!"
With that she turned away. Slim reached out and touched her arm. He actually felt ashamed of himself.
"Hey, now, Laura! I was just having a little fun! Some banter! And, let's face it, you can't blame a guy for trying! I usually score this way!"
She jerked her arm away from him. "Tonight you LOSE!" To Bobby Joe she said, "Set me up again, BJ!"
Bobby Joe frowned. "No, Tequila Sunrise, you've had enough."
She leaned over the bar and grabbed Bobby Joe by the collar, pulling him just about over the bartop. "Another drink or I tell Billy Bob how you tried to pick me up when you knew he was interested in me! How you offered me a spot in your trailer. Told someone my clothes would look good crumpled on your bedroom floor!"
Bobby Joe said, "OK, OK. But I'm keeping an eye on you."
Slim saw that Rosamond was in a bad way so he asked her sincerely, "Hey, are you allright? Really? Because I don't think you are. Mind if I sit down?"
Rosamond shrugged, "Can I stop you?"
He leaned forward. Rose said, "Watch those knuckles." Slim pushed Rosamond's hair out of her eyes. She jerked his hand away. "You are just like the rest of them!"
Slim said, "Hey, you've been hurt bad! What's the story? Have to do with your husband?"
"How do you know about him?"
"You told me you were taken."
"Taken. Yeah, I'm taken alright. And I've been taken!"
"Let's sit over at that table. Come on!" He led Rosamond to a table that was set in the dark. Bobby Joe glared at him. "That's my best friend's wife!"
Slim retorted. "And just where is this 'best friend' that he isn't taking care of her?"
Bobby Joe shrugged. "Business trip to Dallas. But hey, I'll watch out for her."
By this time Slim had Rosamond settled down. She had overdosed on the alcohol. "Why does this always happen to me? ALWAYS! All I wanted to do was spend my life with John!"
"John? I thought your husband was....?" He caught himself. He didn't want to let on that he really knew who she was.
"NO! John is my...my...."
"Lover?" Slim supplied.
"Yes! Oh, my life is so screwed up and it all started with Daniel!"
"Daniel? I thought his name was John!"
Rose started spilling her guts and sobbing. "I was in love with John. He had a twin brother Daniel that I didn't know about! Daniel drugged John and assumed his identity so I spent the night with Daniel thinking it was John. I found out and financially ruined John. I met Billy Bob Montgomery here. I spent the night with John. I spent the week in Austin with Montgomery. I found out I was pregnant. I spent the weekend in New Orleans with Billy Bob and married him. But I love John! John and I had an affair and now he's having an affair and I...I...."
Slim's head is spinning with all these names and facts. A girl like that and I struck out? I think I need to get my 39.95 back!
Then Rosamond stood up. "I'm sorry I told you all this, Mr. Skinny."
"Slim."
"Whatever."
Rose saw that Bobby Joe was busy with a customer so she stood up. "I'm going home now."
Slim looked worried. "No, you're not."
"Yes, I AM!" She headed out the door and Slim followed her.
As soon as the fresh air hit Rosamond's face, she fell over in a dead faint. Slim caught her. "Can't take her home to the ranch, she wouldn't want her family to see her like this."
He still had the company car and he stuffed Rosamond in the passenger seat. He got in the driver's side. Rose had fallen over in a heap. He gently raised her head and it fell on his shoulder. Nothing to do but take her to the Motel 6 for the night!

John kept trying Rosamond's cellphone and kept getting "The number you have dialed is out of the service area..."
Eleanor had taken away his cellphone and he thought twice before he threw William's cordless phone against the wall. Finally he could stand it no more and dialed the ranch himself.
A man answered. I thought Montgomery was out of town, John thought. He cleared his throat.
"Hello, Zees is Rene at ze salon. Ees Madame Rosamond at home? I am confirming her appointment for tomorrow."
J.R. said, "Just a minute, I'll check...hey, hon? Is Rosamond home?"
John heard Mary Ellen reply, "No, she's taken advantage of the fact that her husband is out of town and met Verla at that...that...honkey tonk! The one that Jed owns....I swear, she's such a gadabout....you'd think she'd stay home especially with William out of town...."J.R. interrupted Mary Ellen's diatribe.
"Guess she's not here, would you like to leave a message?"
"Mais non, Monsieur! Ah! I see her appointment is for next week! Pardonez-moi! Au Revoir!"

OK, John thought, now I know where she is! Montgomery is out of town, she's at the Dew Drop Inn with that Verla...If I corner her down there, she HAS to talk to me!
He got in his Corvette and within fifteen minutes he was there. He saw her Miata in the parking lot. No mistaking it now, the 'Tri-Me' tag was still there.
He walked in, expecting to confront Rosamond. She wasn't there. Maybe in the ladies' room. He looked around for Verla. No Verla either. He went to the bar and ordered at Budweiser. Bobby Joe sat it in front of him.
"Hey, Daniel. How's it going?"
John had enough of being mistaken for Daniel.
"I'm not Daniel, I'm his twin brother. Is Verla here?"
"Nope--she has a sick dog. She was supposed to meet her cousin's wife here, too. Don't know where she's gone. Hey, Stella--check the ladies' room for Tequila Sunrise. She's had too much to drink." To John he said, "I'm keeping an eye on her for her husband. He's my best friend and he's out of town."
Stella came out. "No, she's not there."
Bobby Joe was really worried. "I hope she didn't try to drive in that condition." He came around the bar and checked the parking lot.
"Uh, oh--her car is still here. Hey, you don't suppose....naw, she and Billy Bob are so in love she'd never....naw!"
John drank his Bud quickly. "Never what?"
"She'd been talking to some guy that has been in here a few times. They were sitting at the table talking....but naw, she'd never EVER cheat on Billy Bob."
John thought, Buddy, you don't know the half of it!

John sat at the bar. He knew Rose well to know what she was capable of. He ordered another Bud and then he switched to Scotch. Alot of Scotch. Bobby Joe was observing it all and discreetly called a number.

Within a half hour, Daniel walked in the door. He looked at Bobby Joe. Bobby Joe pointed to John and shook his head. Daniel slid onto the barstool next to John. "How's it going, bro?"
John shrugged. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, just passing by. Thought I'd drop in for a drink. What has you so bummed out?"
"Need to ask?"
"No. She's bummed me out too. Won't let me see or hold my daughter."
John resisted the urge to let on about the DNA test. It would just be like Daniel to not believe it. Save the aggravation. He wouldn't believe me anyway.
John reached in his pocket. "Here's my keys. I want you to take them because I think I'm going to need you to get back home. I'm sure you know the reason I'm here. Her car is here, she isn't and her husband is out of town. So tonight guess what I am? The DESIGNATED DRINKER. I need to get to a point where I can't even think of her."
Daniel peeled the label off his beer and looked down. "I came here to help you. I can see that you need a friend to see you through this."
John said, "I'm not the kind who likes to drown my sorrows. But I've lost her, Daniel. Really lost her now. And I don't even know why."
Daniel hoisted his brother up. "OK, come on. We're leaving now." John stood up and swayed.
Daniel said to Bobby Joe, "I'll pick my Jeep up in the morning."
Bobby Joe gave him the thumbs up.
Daniel situated John in the car and got in the driver's seat. He roared onto Hwy 141 and pulled in at the Big House. Everyone was asleep.
Daniel got John out of the car and led him up the outside stairs to his room. John sat on the bed and Daniel took his boots off. "Hey, thanks, Daniel." With that, John fell over in a dead sleep.
Daniel looked at his brother and said, "Something I just had to do, bro." And with that, he turned and walked to the castle.


Sunlight streamed through the Venetian blinds. Rose rolled over. She felt the spot next to her for her husband. Mmmmm, a nice warm body! She snuggled up next to him, flinging her arm around him. Her hand brushed his face. Five o'clock shadow? Billy Bob always shaves at night... Waaait a minute....Billy Bob is in Dallas.....whaaaat?

She sat up and peeked over. OH NO! OH NO! NOT AGAIN!
She leaped out of bed, the covers catching the belt buckle of...Mr. Speedo? Slim grabbed the covers and mumbled, "Get your own blanket..."
Rose picked up her pillow and thwacked him over the head.
"OW! OW! OW!"
"YOU PERVERT! YOU SLEAZEBALL! YOU....DESPOILER OF WOMEN!"
Slim sat up. "What are you talking about?" He rubbed his eyes.
Rose started screaming at him. "You took advantage of me! I drank too much and you took advantage of me! You.....lecher!"
Slim kept fending off her pillow punches. She threw her pillow down, jumped on him and started swinging at him. He jumped up with Rose on his back, flailing at him. She fell off and jumped up, swinging away. "I'll knock your head off! I watched the Gwinnetts go at it and I know how to do it, too!"
"HEY! Watch the bruises! Watch it!"
He grabbed her wrists and she kept bucking her arms trying to get them free.
Slim flipped her around and grabbed her around the chest, pinning her arms to her like a straight jacket. His hand covered her mouth. "This is the Motel 6! Are you trying to get us kicked out of here?" Rose continued to struggle.
"Don't bite! You're biting....I told you not to...OW!"
He flung her away from him and she screamed at him. "What's wrong with you? I couldn't breathe!"
Slim yelled, "If I had my way with you, how come you are still wearing the clothes you wore last night? How come I am fully dressed except for my boots?"
Rose stopped and looked down. Sure enough, she still had on her jeans and sweater, minus her boots. Slim's breath came in ragged gulps. He reached over and shook a Marlboro out of the pack.
Rose looked bewildered. "But what....what?"

Slim inhaled deeply. "You were so blitzed last night. As soon as you stepped outside the Dew Drop Inn, you passed out. Well, don't look at me like that...should I have left you in a heap on the pavement? I didn't know where to take you so I took you back to my room at the Motel 6, took your boots off and let you sleep on the bed. I slept on the couch but it was so damn uncomfortable that I crawled in bed for just a few hours. And don't worry...I didn't touch you! Lord knows I wanted to, Little Cheerleader, but I wouldn't do that...I do have my standards! And you would have had it coming to you,. what with dropping that boilermaker down my pants! Yeah, no court in the world would convict me!"
Rose was surprised. A man with standards?
She said in a small voice, "Thank you, Mr. Skinny."
"SLIM! How many times do I have to tell you...it's Slim! Now! You go take a shower and then I'll deliver you to your car."
Rose said, "Did anyone see us leave together? I have a husband..."
Slim sighed. "No. No one saw us."
"Then it would be better if I took a cab. Bobby Joe can assume I took a cab home. No offense. I'm not ashamed to be seen with you. You ARE rather hunky!"
She held out her hand to him. "My real name is Rosamond. What is your REAL name?"
Slim just stood there dumbfounded, then burst out laughing. "DAMN HELL! It's been so long....I FORGOT!"


These DIAMONDS are HOT, HOT, HOT!..........by Coralynn

WandaSue, aka Susan, aka Sharon, looks through the yellow pages. A-ha! A jewelry store that gives free appraisals! Probably because they want to buy your stuff, so they low-ball it. Well, I'll tell them I want the appraisal for insurance purposes. Damn, I'm smart!

She writes down the address, puts the jewely in an oversized purse, and takes off for the jewelry store on the bus.
I hate riding the bus, but I don't dare drive that incriminating car anymore, not that it would start anyway! she thinks as the bus lumbers along. She glances around at her fellow passengers. Some of these people are well dressed and respectable looking. Hmmmmm, why would they take the bus? To cut air pollution? Does anyone really try to cut air pollution? Maybe. Ohhhhh, but there's a guy over there drinking wine out of a paper bag. I doubt he's riding the bus to clean the air. Can't wait to get another car, a good one this time, which I should be able to do after I sell this load of diamonds. Hot damn!

She gets off the bus at the corner near where the jewelry store is located. She quickly walks to the address on her slip of paper and enters.
A tall, middle-aged, bored looking man glances up from his rearranging of the jewelry display.
"May I help you?" he asks in a tone that sends the message to 'Sharon' that he couldn't care less whether he helped her or not. She doesn't have the appearance of a woman who would buy expensive items in his store, after all.
'Sharon' opens the purse and places her treasure on the counter, saying, "Your ad in the yellow pages said you gave free appraisals. I'm here to get one. This jewelry was left me by my grandmother. I was her favorite, ya know. I want to insure them, but in today's market they could be worth a lot more than grandmama had them insured for."

The man puts a contraption on one of his eyes and examines the first diamond bracelet. Puts it down and examines a ring, then a necklace, then something from her pile of miscellaneous.
"Well, miss," he tells her, "The entire collection is worth about $200."
"WHAT?"
"None of these diamonds are real, miss. They're a pretty good grade cubic zirconium, but there are no diamond here, not one," the man tells her in a smug tone of voice.
"Look again! Grandmama would never leave me paste jewelry!" 'Sharon' is panicing.
He pushes the pile of jewelry toward her and several pieces go over the edge of the counter onto the floor. "I am sorry for the loss of your beloved grandmama, but these are all fake!" he seems to be pretty happy about this, which is adding to 'Sharon's' distress.
She gathers up the pieces from the floor, then shoves the jewelry that's on the counter into her oversized purse in one motion. As she heads for the door, she yells back over her shoulder, "We'll just see about that! I'm going to an even better jewelry store, one where the appraiser isn't old and half blind!" she slams the door.
He goes back to rearranging the display.

Standing out on the sidewalk, 'Sharon' looks up and down the street for another store. Ahhhhhh, there's one over there.
This time the person she sees as she enters is a youngish woman with one of those old-fashioned beehive hair-dos.
She approaches the retro looking woman and begins, "Grandmama left me her jewelry, and, for insurance purposes, I need an appraisal......"

Fifteen minutes later she is again standing on the sidewalk wondering why this appraiser evaluated her stash at only $150. Hell, the first guy did better than that! Could these really be fakes? Why would rich people have such cheap junk anyway?

The man working at the third store she visits laughs her out of the place. She can hear him roaring with hilarity as she again stands on the sidewalk outside the store.
"That does it, babydoll," she says aloud, "They made a fool of me, but we'll just see who has the last laugh," she sneers as she feels the cellphone in her pocket.

The bus ride back to her efficiency apartment is nowhere near the fun of the prior ride. 'Sharon' feels betrayed. She feels humiliated. She is full of vengeful thoughts.
"On top of all this, Slim is obviously in the area now," she thinks, "How did that happen? He must be holed up somewhere in Chappaqua. Good. He can't know that I've moved to Pleasantaville, no way. It was great beating him out for the jewels....I know that was him up there in that bedroom trying to pull a heist at the same time I was. I mean, who else would it be but Slim? That scum!! Wonder who that other guy was, though, the one with the ratty old shoes? Well, let them think they missed out on stealing a fortune. I'll never tell!"

The bus arrives at her stop and she gets off and walks to her apartment. Putting the key in the door that doesn't even look like a door, she goes inside and sits down.
She pulls the cell phone out of her pocket and dials up the Montgomery ranch. It rings but twice before a male voice comes on.
"This is your worst nightmare, Billy Bob!" she tells the male voice, "You have 24 hours to put a cool million in the bank account of Susan Hemingway at any Wells Fargo bank location. I've been patient with you, but I'm done with that. You think I'm bluffing? You're in for a shock, buster! 24 hours and I squeal, you piece of worthless....."
The other person slams down the phone.
She smiles as she returns the cell phone to her pocket and pats it lovingly. Rifling through the paperwork she's brought with her from Texas, she sees a copy of the marriage certificate made out the day she and Billy Bob were married. Hmmmmmm, babydoll, if I make a copy of this and hand-deliver it to the Ranch, with Rose's name on the envelope, that oughta get their attention! But how am I going to get there? It's not on any bus route. Rats, it looks like I have to use that car one more time.

Billy Bob is about to enter the seminar on artificial insemination when his cell phone rings. He sits on a chair near the door and answers it.
He hears his father say, "Another call from WandaSue, who is now calling herself Susan Hemingway, boy, and this time she wants a million. Something in her tone of voice was different this time, too. I think she fully intends to 'squeal' as she so inelegantly put it."
Billy Bob's face flushes. When is this ever going to end?
"OK Dad, looks like we have no choice. Is that your impression?"
"Most definitely."
"Can you deposit the money and I'll pay you back when I return from Dallas?"
"I can do that, son. I'm wondering how much money she plans to extort before she stops this, though. You have that other option I told you about before......"
"NO! Definitely not!" Billy Bob is mopping his brow, "I can't annul my marriage to Rose, get a divorce from WandaSue, then marry Rose again. I don't think Rose would accept a new proposal, in fact I'm sure she wouldn't!"
"Not even for the baby?"
Bill Bob snorts, "Not even for the baby!"


WandaSue aka Sharon aka Susan, waits three hours in eager anticipation. Will Billy Bob actually deposit the million dollars? She paces her room till she becomes dizzy, then sits down to watch her favorite shows on the little black and white TV.
Hmmmmm, General Agony has a good plotline, let's look in on that one! She turns it on and after several minutes of trying to concentrate on the story, finds her mind wandering......
"What's the first thing you'll buy, babydoll?" she asks the walls, "A car? Ohhhhh yes, most surely a car! Maybe I should get one with a warantee this time, too. A brand new one straight off the lot? Those come with warantees, or so I've heard. What kind would be the best? A Cadillac would be too obvious. That's what everyone who 'comes into money' buys. Tacky. Hey, look at me! WandaSue Skaggs calling a Cadillac 'tacky'! Are we coming up in the world or what?!"
She paces the room again. Then flips over to a gameshow. The grand prize winner is getting 50 thousand dollars. HA! she thinks, that's chump change! That's what I was getting off John! Well, Johnny boy, I think Billy Bob Montgomery just bought you NOT getting any more calls from me. Nope, that dude is off the hook! I love it! I get to play God and decide who suffers and who doesn't. Power, that's what it's all about, babydoll, and money is power!
This scenario goes on for a couple more hours, at which time she can stand the suspence no longer. Grabbing her cheap vinyl handbag, she leaves the apartment and starts out on the long walk to the bank.
It take a good half hour to reach it, and as she enters she realizes she's forgotten to apply deorderant, as the aroma wafts up to her nose. Euuuuuuu, she thinks, but hey, I can buy a truckload of Mitchum for .......

Stepping to the counter, she gives the bank teller her account number and requests the current balance. The teller asks her a lot of nosy questions to make sure this is really the person who has the account, and after answering them to the teller's satisfaction, receives a printout of her bank balance.
Her hands shake as she looks at the page, which has her account balance at one million, ten dollars and twenty three cents.
She has to sit down to calm her shaking.
One of the bank employees approaches her, asking if everything is alright and can she be of assistance.
WandaSue looks at the woman and grins, then manages to get her racing heart to calm, stuffs the bank balance sheet in her purse along with her checkbook, and marches out of the place.

She sees a grouping of car dealerships down a few blocks and walks to them. Standing in front of the Toyota dealership, she sees a flashy sporty-looking car in a shiny almost metalic blue . WandaSue, aka Susan, aka Sharon, enters the dealership and walks to the counter where a salesman is working on some paperwork.
Pointing to the car outside, she tells him "I'm buying that blue Acura you have out there!"
His left eyebrow raises on his forehead and she can see him stifle a smirk.
"Miss, that car goes for 90 thousand dollars! Are you in the market for a used car? We have many fairly late model previously owned cars that may fall in your price range...."
"I want that car," 'Sharon's' voice is getting louder, "And if you refuse to sell it to me, I'm going to make that scene in "Pretty Woman" where Julia Roberts gets back at that snooty clothing store look like The Bobsey Twins at the Seashore! Do you get it, bud?"

The salesman commences doing the deal, writing out form after form after form. 'Sharon' taps her foot in anticipation, and, when he asks for her method of payment, she whips out her checkbook and writes a check for the entire amount......slapping it down decisively in front of the man.

She sees him go in another room with the check. I know what he's doing, she thinks, he's calling my bank to see if I have the funds to cover the amount. Boy, is he going to eat crow!
When the salesman returns he has dropped the snooty attitude, she notices with great satisfaction. She holds her hand out for the keys, which he drops into it. Smiling smugly, she exits the place, but makes the finger at the salesman on her way out.

She hops into her new car, puts the key in the ignition and emits a loud "GOL DANG!" as the motor springs to life and she drives it out of the car lot.

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