THE SKAGGS SIBLINGS...............by Coralynn

WandaSue, aka Susan, pulls into
Map of Pleasantville, NY Pleasantville.
Hmmmm, nice town, babydoll, think we should park our carcas here for awhile? Let's see if they have cheap motels, bet they don't. Well, we could always rent an apartment, hmmmmm, bet those are expensive, too. Gotta get rid of this car, though; it's a dead giveaway.
Gotta get this hair dyed black before I do anything else, she thinks, as she parks in a lot several blocks from the stores and walks to a supermarket.
She heads for the cosmetics, and grabs a box of black die, permanent black die.
She pays for it and walks to a gas station. Getting the key from the guy who's working there, she takes it and the box of hair dye to the ladies' room and quickly douses her hair with it.
She reads the box, "keep on hair for 15 minutes, then rinse. OK."
Someone else jiggles the door of the ladies room. Too bad, I have the key, sucker!

After 10 minutes with the goop on her hair, she hears the door rattling again, with the guy who is working there telling the woman "Some woman with red hair has the key, but I can let you in."
Oh no, that will never do!
WandaSue yells out, "I'll be out in five minutes, hold your water!"
She can hear the worker and the woman outside the door talking about rudeness and how society is going to hell in a handbasket because of selfish people who won't take their turn and share......and so forth....on and on.

Finally it's time to rinse the goop out, so she holds her head under the ineffectual faucet......drip drip the water comes down. She keeps turning it on and off in hopes it will jar more water loose. It takes a lot longer than it should. The conversation outside the ladies room door becomes more heated.
That's it, babydoll, she thinks, "Time to get the hell out of here."
She opens the door to two very angry faces. The guy working there says "HEY! What happened to the red haired woman?"
WandaSue hands him back the door key and quips, "I killed her. You'll find her body in the stall in there!" and marches away as fast as she can.

Not the best way to start out your stay in Pleasantville, she thinks, well, I just won't ever come back to this gas station. I won't have that car anyway, so I won't need gas.

As she walks to where her Falcon is parked, she realizes her changed hair color has apparently worked if that guy thought she was someone else.
Better use a new name, too, let's see, how about Sharon. Yes, that's a nice, soft sounding name. Sharon Curtis. I'll get a job where I'm not out in front of the public this time, too, because on the off chance someone comes looking for me, I want to be hard to locate. Let's see, what can I do that......I know.....there's a dog boarding kennel down the street.....perfect, I'll work there.
She walks to the kennel and enters the office.
A rather slovenly looking woman is behind the counter, cracking gum. "Kin I help ya?"
"I was hoping you would need an employee to help at your kennel," 'Sharon' tells her.
"We could use one more person.......KENNEY!" she screams out, which results in an old man with the largest hearing aid ever seen protrouding from his right ear.
"Hhheeeeeeeehhhh?" he says.
"Lady here wants a job at the kennel!" the slovenly woman yells, "We could use someone, how about it?"
'Sharon's' ears are beginning to ring from the loud yelling, but she maintains a pleasant smile.
"Shhhhurrrrr, come back here," the old man gestures for her to follow him, "Waaaaat's your name, honey?"
"Sharon Curtis!" she says in as dignified a voice as she can.
"Shhaakur?" the old man thinks he's repeating her name, "See them there dog runs? All full of doggy doo. Here, take this equipment and go in and gather it up!"

He walks away, leaving her to enter the dog runs, which she does, holding her breath from the smell, but after about 20 minutes she has cleaned up all the excrement.
She spends the rest of the afternoon doing other things like brushing out the dogs, feeding them, swabbing down the floors of the kennel, and by dinnertime she is exhausted.
She goes back into the office, where the two people are having coffee.
"Good job!" the man yells as if she were the one with the hearing problem.
She asks the woman, who she now sees from the little name badge pinned on her is named Gladys, if there is a place to stay that isn't expensive.
"Yeahhhhh," Gladys yells, "That house over there, see that one, the big one with the wrap around porch? She rents little efficiency apartments. She doesn't have a permit to do this, so ya gotta do it on the Q.T."

Good, babydoll, if she's not zoned for apartments, yet she's renting them, she would be less apt to get upset and call the cops if I skipped out on the rent. Perfect.
They lock up for the day and Gladys walks 'Sharon' to the house she mentioned.
"Sadie?" she yells into the front door, which is unlocked, SADIE?"
A nice looking woman, who is obviously this Sadie person, appears. Gladys tells her what 'Sharon' needs and Sadie takes them to a very small apartment that opens out into the back yard, but the door is blended into the house in a way that it doesn't look like a separate entrance.
The little apartment isn't much; not even as nice as the Motel 6, but 'Sharon' takes it anyway. She walks several blocks to where her car is parked, grabs up her clothes and takes them to her new "digs."
She is now alone in her new home.
It's damp in here, she thinks, but oh well. There's a stove, tiny as it is, a miniature refrigerator, a TV that looks like it's seen better days.........she turns it on and it works, though the picture is in black and white.
She makes herself a cup of coffee; chomps on an apple that someone who must have lived there before left behind, and reaches for her cellphone.
It rings three times and is picked up on the fourth. "Hello?" a woman's voice this time.
"Hi there Rosebud, guess what? I'm baaaaaaack, and I still have the tape of you and Johnny boy! Want me to send a copy to your loving husband or are ya going to cooperate? Take a thousand dollars to the Wells Fargo Bank in your town and deposit it under the name Susan Hemingway."
Rose is stunned, "But you're supposed to be in 1692 Salem!"
"Guess what, babydoll, I escaped!" and she gives a wicked laugh and hangs up.

Rose stands there with the receiver in her hand, totally shocked. Oh no, the nightmare isn't over! She'll have to tell John. This is just incredible! Now we have BB's mother, the Untaming of the Shrew, in the house for 6 weeks, too. What if SHE answers the phone and it's that crazy woman!
Rosamond begins to shake.

Meanwhile, a huge truck is approaching Chappaqua. Slim has been driving nonstop and sees that his destination is right in front of him.
"Hot damn!" he slaps his leg as the monster truck barrels into town.

Slim notices a Motel 6 sign out front of an old one story building and congratulates himself on having come across just the place he was hoping to find.
Man! nothing like them luxurious Motel 6s, he thinks, can't wait to sink down on one of their comfortable mattresses after staying up two nights running.

He pulls his monster truck into the parking lot and turns it off.
Stepping out, or rather down, way down, from it, he limps to the motel office. Man oh man, am I stiff from all that sitting!
The clerk at the desk tells him all they have is Room 12, and if he wants to take a look at it, he can.
"I don't have to take a look at it! You guys have the swankest motels in town!" Slim wheezes as he puts his Marlborough out on the floor, grinding it with his heel.
He gets the key and ambles over to Room 12.
As he enters he recongizes the plush bedspreads and high class art hanging on the walls. He slams the door shut with his foot and kicks off his boots.
Sitting in the one chair that's in the room, his gaze wanders over to where people hang their clothes. Well, well, he thinks, some lady didn't take all her clothes when she left; let's see what we have here. A-ha! This would look great on WandaSue. In fact, I think I saw her in a dress just like this last summer. Ohhhh lookie this one.....this is her style, too.....just a minute.....let me look at this more closely......by gum the name label sewn in says 'Wanda Sue'.....we learnt how to do that from our Mama when we went away to KKK camp that one summer....yep, this is WandaSue's dress alright. But how did it get here?

He has phone numbers on a ragged piece of paper stuffed into his shirt pocket, and now gets it out.
Better call WandaSue, maybe her cell phone is back on now........ok, it's ringing.....and ringing.....oh good, she picked up.
"Hello?" her voice comes over the phone hesitantly. Who, after all, could be calling her??
"HI WandaSue, it's Slim!" he announces happily, "Where be ya?"
"Far away, Slim. I don't wanna see your scabrous face again until you pay me back all the money you wasted on that truck. So goodBYE!"
click. "OK, fine!" he feels hurt and angry, "Then I'LL get the money out of Billy Bob Montgomery. I'll show her!"


THE MARLBORO MAN........by Terri
Rose checked on the baby and then slipped back into bed. She looked over at the unconscious form of her husband. She bit her lip. Sorry, honey, but it just wasn't in the cards tonight. She felt guilty and covered him up. He was oblivious to the world.
Rose closed her eyes and before she knew it, she was asleep.

John pulled into his drive about 3:00 AM. He quietly opened the kitchen door and slipped inside. Eleanor was raiding the refrigerator. Her upper body was leaning in the fridge when she heard John come in. "Well, aren't you the nightowl, John! Why so late coming in?"
John sat down and passed his hands over his face. "Eleanor, you wouldn't believe me if I told you!"
Eleanor sighed. "So what did Rose do now?"
"I took Daniel to the Dew Drop Inn and stayed for a beer. Rose had too much to drink and rode the mechanical bull. Her mother-in-law tripped over my leg and was sent to the hospital. I was Rose's cab ride home and we got busted for making out on a lover's lane. I stopped inside to see Julie and Montgomery came home. I hid under the bed and Montgomery tried to make love to Rose so she knocked him out with sleeping pills." Eleanor stared at John and said, "That's all?"
"Yep."
"Sorry I asked!" Eleanor cut herself a piece of cherry cheesecake and offered John a piece. He accepted it.
Eleanor shook her head and said, "You do realize that Rose and Montgomery are married."
"Don't remind me, Eleanor."
"Are you and Rosamond ever going to be able to get together? I mean Forever."
"I'm working on it."
Eleanor sighed. "Bethia's wedding is in less than six weeks. At least we have that to look forward to."
John said, "I wish Beth all the best. She's been a longtime friend of mine."
"Why didn't you and Bethia ever get together when you were younger? She's very compatible."
"I guess we were friends for too long." John laughed. "I was saving my strength for Rosamond!"
"Do you ever think of Elizabeth?"
"Elizabeth who?"
They both laughed. "Goodnight, John."
" 'Night, Eleanor."


The next morning Rose woke up when she heard Julie crying. She got up and nursed the baby. She walked back through the bedroom. Billy Bob was still dead to the world. Rose began to worry. Did I mix the wrong pills? Maybe he had too much liquor. OH LORD, what if I KILLED him!! She shook him. He didn't budge. She put her head on his chest. Still breathing......but what if he's in a coma? She started to panic so she got a large glass of ice water and splashed it on his face.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" he sputtered.
Rose breathed a sigh of relief. "I thought you were comatose! I started to worry and knew this was the only way to revive you!"
He grabbed the sheet and dried his face off. "Now why would you think I was in a coma? You've been reading too many of those mystery books, Rosamond."
"I'm sorry, Billy Bob. I really am. It was the only thing to do." Billy Bob thought she meant the water. "Just come over and kiss me on the ear, I'll wake up soon enough!" He grabbed Rosamond and gave her a goodmorning kiss.
"Mmmm, darling, that was a nice follow-up to a terrific night!" He kissed her with passion.
She slipped out of his grasp and put on a shy smile. "Yes, it was quite a night! One I'll not forget for a long time!"

She took the baby downstairs and put her in her swing. Billy Bob came downstairs, buttoning his shirt and tucking it in.
"Sugah, what are your plans for the day?"
"I'm still going through my closet, trying to decide what to keep and what to give to charity. Where are you going?"
"I have to see what is going on with my mom. I'll call you and then I have to go to Tom's to check on my horse. I won't be too long."
A few hours into the day, the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hi there, Rosebud! Guess what? I'm baaaaack! And I still have the tape of you and Johnny Boy. Want me to send a copy to your loving husband or are you going to co-operate? Take one thousand dollars to the Wells Fargo Bank in your town and deposit it in the name of Susan Hemingway."

"But you're supposed to be in 1692 Salem!"
"Guess what, Babydoll, I escaped!" She laughed wickedly.
Click!
Rose's blood ran cold. How? HOW? I need to call John and warn him she is back.
She broke out in a cold sweat. And if she's back, she has her cellphone. And if Mary Ellen Montgomery is here for the next six weeks, how do I keep her incommu icado?

Rosamond sat there at the kitchen table trying to take deep breaths. Trying to calm down. Come on, calm down!
She picked up the phone. William answered the phone.
"William, it's me! I need to talk to John. It's a dire emergency."
"Sorry, Rosamond, he is at the studio. Can I help?"
Rosamond was just about in tears. "Oh, William! She escaped! She's back!"

"Rose, you aren't making much sense. Who escaped? Your mother-in-law?"
She burst out in sobs. "NO! Susan Hemingway! She's back from Salem! I got a phone call and she wants me to put one thousand dollars in an account for her at Wells Fargo Bank!"
William took the phone from his ear and stared incredulously at it. "Are you sure?"
"Of course I am sure! I need John!"
William said, "Rose, meet me at that little country restaurant on Hwy 141. It's out of the way. Let's talk. Can you be there in an hour?"
"Y-yes!"
"Good! See you then!"
Rose blew her nose and splashed cold water on her face. She told Juanita she had a couple errands to run and could she please watch the baby? Juanita was more than happy to oblige and within an hour she was seated, waiting for William.

William was very punctual, he came right on the dot.
"Rose, no offense, but you look like you've been through the wringer."
The waitress bustled over to them. "What can I get ya?"
William ordered the #2 special, ham, scrambled eggs, hash brown and biscuits with a pot of coffee. Rose just ordered tea with lemon.
When the food came, Rose looked at him incredulously. "Are you really going to eat all that?"
William smiled and said, "Just keep your hands and feet away from my mouth, you'll be OK."
Rose started to cry."It's all my fault. If I hadn't been so stupid as to marry Billy Bob, I'd be making a life with John right now. Last night was one of the worst of my life!"

William held his hand up. "Eleanor told me. John told her."
Rose whispered, "I've never drugged someone before. It was so easy....and so perfect!"
"Rose, tell me what Susan said."
Rose related the whole conversation. William said, "I had a bad feeling there were other time-travel amulets out there. I tell you what, I am going to give you the thousand dollars. I am writing a check out to you for it and then just cash it and go over to Wells Fargo and open a Susan Hemingway account. This will buy us a little time until we can figure out what to do. I don't want you upsetting John at work."
Rose grabbed William's hand and said, "Thank you, William. You truly are deserving of your grand reputation!"
William blushed. "Well, if you and John ever get around to straightening your lives out and have another baby, John WILLIAM is a fine name!"
Rose said, "You've got it, Big Guy!"
William polished off his breakfast, whipped out his checkbook and cut Rose a check.
"Do what I said and call John tonight. If I have a chance I'll warn him that Susan Hemingway is back in town. Maybe us guys can think of what to do with her. Beth and El may have some ideas.Try to relax, and for goodness sakes, don't let Montgomery answer the phone!"
William got up, gave Rose a kiss on the cheek and squeezed her shoulder affectionately.

Rose sighed and drank her tea. She heard a rumble in the parking lot. Thunder?
The skies were clear. OH NO! An earthquake! She panicked and looked around the restaurant but everything was still on the wall. She looked out the window and saw what made the earth tremble. It was a 1975 Dodge Ram on huge monster tires.
It was red and had a rebel flag painted on the hood. The front vanity plate said, "HELL NO! WE WON'T FORGET!"
Mud was splashed all over the sides of the truck. The bumper was cocked out, like it had been hit, rubbed on the tires and pulled out with a crowbar. Felt dice hung from the rearview mirror and on the mudflaps was that stupid sillouhette of a naked woman sitting down. Written in the dust on the side of the truck was "Show me your hooters!" and "This truck undergoing scientific dirt testing. Do not wash." Rose just shook her head and shuddered.
The door to the restaurant opened and in walked a man with a Marlboro man face.

He wore skintight Levi jeans, boots and a button down oxford shirt with a jean jacket.
He had a Stetson on. Rose thought, oh, great, New York is becoming Little Texas!
She started rummaging around in her purse for her keys. A shadow fell over the table. Mr. Marlboro Man, with his cigarette dangling out of his mouth, said, "Did you hurt yourself?"
Rose looked up and said, "Excuse me?"
"Did you hurt yourself? I mean, when you fell from heaven?"

Rose stared unbelievingly at the man. He was kind of cute in a rugged worn-out way. Dumb as an ox, though. He sat down uninvited.
Rose surveyed him cooly. "I don't remember inviting you to sit and I don't sit and converse with strangers."
The Marlboro Man shook a cigarette out of his crushed softpak and introduced himself. "My name is Slim. Remember that because you'll be screaming it later! So, lttle lady, what's your name?"
Rose looked at him with disdain. "Not that it's any of your business but it's Laura Carver. Of the Massachusetts Carvers." She figured this would shake him down and scare him off.
"REALLY? Because you look like a hooker I knew in Waco!"
Rose shook her head and gathered up her purse and put William's check in it.
"Mr. Slim, you have a lot to learn about women."
As Rose slid out of the booth, Slim said, "Hey, Babe, how about a pizza and some sex?" Rose kept walking. Slim yelled, "Hey, what's wrong? You don't like pizza?"
Rose never looked back and got into her Miata and roared it to life, pulled out and headed toward town.
She cashed the check and headed over to Wells Fargo, and opened a checking account in the name of Susan Hemingway. She checked her watch. I'd better get home, it's almost one o'clock.
As she went inside, Juanita was singing Julie a Spanish lullaby. Julie looked at her with her big blue eyes. "Cara, I do believe she understands Spanish!"
Rose smiled wistfully and took the baby from Juanita.
Juanita said, "Miss Rose, there was a call for you from someone named Susan. Said she would call by 1:30."
Rose glanced at the clock. It was 1:20. "Thanks, Juanita. Probably some committee that the original Mrs. Montgomery wants me to serve on. Something with DAR. She thinks I can get an associate membership so Julie will be set for life in it!"

Juanita said, "I have a dentist appointment. So I'm leaving now."
"Thanks again, Juanita, I don't know what I would do without you."
"Well, she's such a sweet baby. Since my grandchildren are older I really miss having a baby to rock. Mr. BB said something about watching her tonight."
Rose sighed. "Fine, Juanita. You go ahead and go." Rose looked a bit nervously at the clock.
No sooner had Juanita pulled out of the drive than the phone rang.
Rose said cautiously, "Hello?"
"Hey, Babydoll #2--did you do what I told you? You'd better or Billy Bob is just likely to run his truck into the local motel during one of your trysts!"

Rose told her, "I have the account number right here. It's 00126376824463 on the Wells Fargo Bank on South Bedford Road. If you doubt my veracity, you may call and they will tell you the balance and funds available. The PIN# is 1-2-3-4."
"Babydoll, you aren't very imaginitive. 1-2-3-4! Duuuh!"
"Well, if you don't like it, change it yourself. You need to sign a signature card that is waiting for you. I told the bank that I was your sister opening it up for you."
'Well, Rosebud, maybe you DO have a brain there."
"Why are you doing this to me? What have John and I ever done to you?"
"Well, it's like this, Babydoll. You irritate me. You annoy me. You have the perfect little rich bitch life. Handsome husband, expensive cars, looks, clothes and money.
The ranch. The baby-not that I like kids but you are locked in for life. But is that enough for you? Oh, no! You have the nerve to have something going on the side. Un, un, babydoll, your good thing is about to end. Now just wait around for further instructions!"
Click!

Before Rosamond had a chance to catch her breath, Billy Bob walked in the door.
"Where have you been? I've been trying to reach you and your cellphone was turned off."
"I had a few errands to run in town, going to the bank, post office, things like that. I left the baby with Juanita. I forgot the phone was off."
"I stopped by the hospital to see Mom. The doctor will release her tomorrow. Dad will probably be here tonight. His back is all stiff from sleeping in that chair in her room."
Rose said, "He's a good man. I don't know how he puts up with your mother's snooty ways."
Billy Bob laughed. "Probably the same way I put up with you! Face it, Sugah, you can get pretty uppity, too!"
He put his arms around Rose. "Last night was fantastic! But I can't understand it. I have such a headache and I didn't drink all that much. Verla called and said she had some big news. She wants us down at the Dew Drop Inn tonight. We're supposed to meet at 7:00."
Rose sighed. "Can't we stay home just this once? I am so tired! We've been out the past three nights. I am sick and tired of that place! I like Verla--a lot! But enough is enough!"
"Verla's my cousin and she has something big going on. I am NOT going to disappoint my cousin--and neither are you! So you'll get your pretty little bottom in gear and wear something really sweet."
Rose's nerves were on edge. First Susan Hemingway, then Marlboro Man coming on to her and now Billy Bob bossing her around. She kept looking at the phone like it was a timebomb ready to go off. The phone rang. Rosamond jumped a mile.

Before she could reach the phone, Billy Bob answered. "Hello? Hello?" He hung it up. "Must be the wrong number. Back to conversation at hand. We are going and that is that. Juanita is staying with the baby, I already arranged it. It's 3:00 now. I'm going up to shower. Tom's having trouble with one of his horses and that sucker threw me. I am sore all over. I hope I didn't screw this shoulder up."
He went upstairs and a few minutes later Rose heard water running. The phone rang again and she answered it on the first ring.
"Hello?" she said breathlessly.

"Well done, Babydoll, well done! I can access this account whenever. Oh, and I changed the PIN number so you can't pull any stuff over on me." Rose whispered, "I did what you asked. Why can't you just leave me alone?"
Wanda Sue sneered. "Oh, babydoll, I haven't finished with you yet! Did Billy Bob ever mention my name? Call my name out at most inappropriate times? While you are at it, ask him about Wanda Sue. See what story he gives you. Babydoll!"
Click!
Rose dialed John's phone number. He should be out of the studio by now.
"Hello?"
"John, it's me."
"Darling! I've been worried sick about you but couldn't call. Did he stay passed out last night?"
"Yes. I had to douse him with a glass of ice water to revive him. I was afraid I killed him or at least put him in a coma."
"So what is the problem with either one of those scenarios? Dead you would inherit everything, right?"
"John, don't kid about something like that! I don't wish him dead! He married me in good faith----I think."
"I'm not kidding, but that's beside the point. It took all my self control not to strangle him when he was passed out."
"John, we have big trouble. She's back."
"Who?"
"Susan Hemingway."
"Impossible! We dumped her in Salem 1692. She should be hanging from Gallows Hills by now."

"Somehow she escaped." Rose's voice caught in her throat. "Now she will be relentless. She hates us. Me especially. She hates me not for what I did but what I am! I am wondering what the connection between my husband and her is. She told me to ask him about Wanda Sue. Whoever that is. She called me this morning and I had to put 1000.00 in a new checking account. William gave me the money."
Rose wailed, "John, it's never going to stop. NEVER! She has that tape and I just know she's going to bleed us dry and then give him the tape anyway. I may as well save the money for Julie's college fund and the therapist she'll need later on!"
John tried to quiet her down. "Honey, take a deep breath. Unplug your phone. I'll confab with the others and then call me tomorrow. OK? OK? Please, Rose, I love you. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Now dry those tears. Goodbye, darling."
Click!

Off the highway on a dirt road, a 975 Dodge Ram with monster tires was hidden. From the highway you could see nothing. Slim crawled out of his truck and jumped down. He took the binoculars out of his backpack. Let's see---across the highway---yep, that's it. The white stables with the green trim. Whoa, would you look at that house? Jeez, what does Montgomery need a crib like that for? Wanda Sue said he was married now with a kid. Guess he's grown out of his beer-drinking, pot-smoking, hell-raising days! This is RESPECTABLE! Hell, Wanda Sue should be living there.

Wonder what his new babydoll looks like? Bet she's a real hot number!
Like Wanda Sue used to be-ah, well, girls like Wanda Sue hit their prime at 18, then it's downhill from there. After all, she's 30 now!
Slim scanned the acreage with the binoculars. Look at that T-bird! And that Yukon truck. Got to be a 50,000.00 truck! Hey, there's a Bronco---and a little red sportscar.
Can't tell what it is from here. Kind of like that Laura Carver drove. Now THERE was a cheer-leader type if I ever saw one! Yeah, baby, score me a touchdown! She was so hot I could feel the elastic on my underwear melt!

There was a tap on Slim's shoulder. He jumped a mile.
"WHAT?!"
Officer Travis McGee stood at the side of the road. "What are you doing, buddy?"

Slim thought fast. "Dept. of Transportation is considering widening this stretch of road." Slim stuck his hand out. "James McGovern, Supervisor, officer. I'm just eyeballing it out and figuring if it is cost-feasible. Any idea who owns this stretch of land? I forgot my paperwork at the office."
McGee said, "Belongs to the Montgomerys. Texas family. Well-connected. From what I hear, Montgomery doesn't take any crap from anyone. Daddy's a senator in Texas."
Slim said, "Ah, a real pillar in the community, huh?"
McGee said, "Yep! Family man, wife and child, loads of Thoroughbreds and money to burn. Got a wayward sister living there, too." He sighed. Officer McGee brought himself out of his mini-daydream. "Heard Montgomery is finishing up his lawschool course so he can pass the bar. Of course, no one is supposed to know. Bet his wife doesn't even know it."
"What does he need a law degree for? Looks like the ranch is paying off big-time."
"Oh, it is. But I heard around the station from someone who knows him pretty well that his Daddy has big political plans for his boy."
Officer McGee looked back up at the house. "Yep, some guys got it all! Heard his wife is a real live wire, too!"
McGee got back in his patrol car. "See you around, McGovern. Have a nice day!"
Slim looked at the retreating patrol car and then put his binoculars back to the house.
Hmmm, money to burn, huh? Well, Montgomery, say hello to your long-lost brother in law! Slim chuckled and walked towards the truck. "Awww, hell!!"
He forgot his ladder in the cab. He took a running jump to get back in the cab and fell flat on his back. Took another running jump. Almost! He slipped and ripped his jeans on the runnng board. Try #3--he grabbed hold of the steering wheel when he jumped up and hoisted himself up. Third time's a charm!
He groaned, rubbed his shin and fired the monster up. It coughed and sputtered down the road, blowing black smoke.


Billy Bob was getting dressed as Rosamond came out of the shower. He was sitting on the bed putting his boots on.
Rose was wrapped in a towel, trying to decide what to wear. Oh, well, this little black dress is cute. The skirt is flared and those black boots would look great with it.

Billy Bob watched her in the mirror. Sometimes he couldn't believe his good fortune in having her as his wife. And a beautiful baby to boot! OK, so they had a tempestuous relationship--some of the most passionate relationships were like that.
She sat down and put her boots on and then flopped backwards on the bed. "Can't we PLEASE stay home? I am so tired!"
Billy Bob grabbed her by her arms and yanked her up. She flopped back down.
"Does the name 'Susan Hemingway' mean anything to you?" she asked him. Billy Bob was buttoning his shirt. "Hmmm?" he said absentmindedly. "No, not really. Should it?"
Rose sighed. "No, I guess not." She brushed her hair and put on her hoop earrings.
"Well, let's go!" Rose checked on Julie and covered her up. She was such a precious child. Rose thought it was such a miracle that she was even here. And the fact that she was John's daughter made her all that much more precious to Rose.
They went downstairs and gave final instructions to Juanita. Rose said to her, "I don't know what I would do without you, Juanita. Thanks!"

They pulled up to the Dew Drop Inn. "Verla has a surprise, huh? Sure hope it's not another go-around on Alphonso!" Billy Bob laughed. "Aw, come on, Sugah, you aren't up for it?" Billy Bob grabbed her hand and opened the door.
Verla came running up. "Glad you are here! It wouldn't be a party without the two of you!"
"So what's the big news?" Rosamond asked.
"You'll see!" Verla was smiling widely. Billy Bob waved at Bobby Joe and said, "I've got to see BJ a minute. Honey, order me a Scotch neat." Rose made a face behind his back and stuck out her tongue. Verla dissolved into giggles. "So that's what married life is like, huh?" Rose shrugged. "It's not bad. If you don't mind being treated like property!" A big monster truck was parked out back. Slim was sitting at the bar, drinking his Budweiser on draft. He turned around just in time to see Rose talking to Verla.

Well, well, look who just came walking back through my door! Rose didn't see him and took the barstool next to him.
"Hey, Tequila Sunrise, what it be?"
"Hi, Hank! A Tequila Sunrise and a Scotch, neat. And quiet about the Tequila Sunrise!"
A voice next to her said, "Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?"
Rose looked startled and into the deep brown eyes of the Marlboro Man. "YOU! What are YOU doing here?"
"Well, well, well! If it isn't Laura Carver! Of the Connecticut Carvers, no less!"
"Massachusetts. Massachusetts Carvers."
"Yeah, that's what I said. Massachusetts."
Rose looked at him like he was a roach she wanted to spray with Raid. He looked at her up and down in her short black dress and boots.
"Hey, darlin', you look like the Watermelon Queen at the Fayette County Watermelon Festival! My sister was runner up back in 1989!"
"Good for you and your sister!"


Rose looked Slim up and down and then turned her back on him.
He was persistent. "Are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?"
Rose said, "I'm taken." and started to walk off.
Slim yelled after her, "Are you busy tonight around 3:00 AM?" She kept walking.
Hank looked over. "I don't see anyone named Laura."
Slim said,"The one in that black dress and boots. Blonde hair."
"Nope, that's not Laura. That's Rosamond. Known affectionately around here as Tequila Sunrise!"
"Tequila Sunrise?" Slim asked.
"Yep-used to come in here and that was what she always ordered. The name kind of stuck. But hey, bub, that one is definitely off-limits!" Slim shook another Marlboro out of his pack. "Never met the broad that was off-limits for ME!" He struck his match on his boot.
Hank said, "That one is big-time major league trouble. No one hits on that one."
"Mind telling me why?"
"Because that one is with her husband."
"So?"
"The 'So' is because of who he is."
"And who might that be?" Slim took a long pull on his beer.
"Billy Bob Montgomery." Slim sprayed beer all over the counter.
He whispered to Hank. "Damn hell you say!"
Hank said, "Damn hell I DO say!"
Slim turned cautiously around. Hell, the last time I saw Billy Bob he was 18. That was 12 years ago. Damn, he grew and filled out. He looked over at them. Billy Bob had his arm possessively around Rosamond and he was talking to another guy. Wait! Is that.....? Couldn't be! But it is! Bobby Joe Houston! Well, well! The two pot-smoking rich boys! Yeah, let ME take the chance of getting busted for drugs!

Billy Bob and his group decided to play for a while. Daniel was there.
Oh, great! Rose thought. Just what I need! A Lothario who is running on testosterone overdrive and now Daniel! When Billy Bob and the boys were playing, Rosamond hunted Verla down.
"Verla, what is this big surprise?" But before Verla could answer, Billy Bob scanned the crowd and announced, "Hey, anyone see my wife out there?" The crowd laughed.

"C'mon up and sing with me, honey! It's been a while!"
One of Billy Bob's friends made a slight off-colour remark. Billy Bob just laughed and said, "OK, simmer down! That's my WIFE you're talking about!"
Rose felt herself pushed to the stage. Billy Bob grabbed her hand and hoisted her up.
"OK, alot of you regulars and friends remember when I was single and how I ended up with Rosamond. Back when we were seeing each other, we sang together a bit and I wanted to see if Rose and I could still get the magic back! Rose--I'm asking you nicely--do you want to try again? Please, darling?"

The crowd began to clap and whistle. Rose blushed. "I"ll try!" They started into a fast moving song that brought the house down, then slowed up to a ballad.
Slim was watching all this, fascinated. He leaned over to Hank. "How long they been hitched?" Hank said, "Since October. Got a six week old baby, too."
"Yeah, and that baby is mine!" Slim looked over next to him and Daniel was sitting on the next barstool. Hank looked at Daniel sternly and said, "Watch what you say, Daniel!"
Slim turned to Daniel and asked, "How you figger that one, partner?" Daniel ordered a beer and smiled behind his mug. "Been with her myself. 'Course that was before Montgomery swept her off her feet. Used to be MY girl!"

Hank, to defuse a potentially volatile situation, said, "Well, you should have been here the other night! Verla and Tequila Rose went ten rounds on Alphonso the Mechanical Bull. Rosamond won. Stayed on until Bobby Joe shut it off!"
Slim was impressed. He scribbled something down on a piece of paper and stuck it in his pocket.
Billy Bob announced, "My cousin Verla has an announcement to make, wanted all her friends here. Verla?"
Verla got up and held her left hand up. "OK, you guys! I AM NOW OFFICIALLY ENGAGED! Jake? Wanna take a bow?"
The drummer for the band shyly stood up. Verla grabbed his hand in a victory clasp.
Everyone clapped. Rose turned to Verla and gave her a big hug. "I hope you'll be happy, Verla!" Verla returned her hug. "Thanks, Rose, I appreciate it! There's just one thing I want you to do for me. Two, actually!"
"What?"
"I want you in my wedding."
"And the other?"
Verla looked over to Alphonso.
"OH NO! NO! NO! A REMATCH? No way, sister!"
Well, they did and Rosamond won again. Somehow a note got pressed into Rosamond's hand but when she turned around to see who gave it to her, that person was gone. Rose opened the note up and it read very simply--- Save the bull! Ride the cowboy!"


MARY ELLEN PAGES......by Terri

Rose woke earlier and was up before her husband. She went downstairs and started the coffeemaker. Well, Mrs. Mary Ellen Montgomery, if there is one thing I can do, it is make coffee.
Senator Montgomery came downstairs. "Good morning, Dad, how's the back?" "Hey, darlin', feel better now that I can sleep in a real bed! I have to go to the hospital this morning and pick Mary Ellen up." He sighed. "I'm kind of enjoying the peace and quiet!" He got quiet himself. "I'm sorry for the way she treats you, Rose."
Rose poured him a cup of coffee and sat down with him. "Why does she dislike me so much, Dad?"

The senator poured cream in his coffee. "It wouldn't matter who Billy Bob married. She would have shredded Princess Di. Billy Bob, or 'her William' was the apple of her eye. He looks alot like her father, but he has my DuPre temperment. He' s alot like his Grandpere Pierre. I heard you had the pleaure to meet him!"
Rose drank her coffee. "Yes, he made quite a memorable impression on me." "Anyway, she would have resented anyone who displaced her in Billy Bob's affections. Try not to take it too personally."
Rosamond sighed. "It's hard not to."
The senator said, "Rosamond, why don't you hire Juanita on as a full-time nanny for Julie. Maybe you can go back to work. I heard you were a terrific actress. My niece Verla watched your show all the time. Raved about it to Donna."
Rosamond said, "Billy Bob wants to keep me chained here."
The senator smiled. "Guess he doesn't want to let the pretty little butterfly out of the jar! Well, I'd better go get the invalid!"
With that, he put his napkin down and stood up. "I guess I'd better take the car with reclining seats." Then he got a devilish gleam in his eyes. "Or maybe I'll just throw her in the flatbed of the pickup truck!"

Billy Bob came downstairs and found Rosamond with her arms crossed and her head down on the table.
"What's wrong, Sugah?" he asked.
"Mama Montgomery gets out of the hospital this morning. Your father just went to pick her up. Why can't she go home to Austin? She'll be sniping at me. She can't even get her granddaughter's name right!" "The doctor wants her to stay relatively immobile. She can sit in the reclining chair for the day and she can sleep in my den at night. She certainly can't go up and down the stairs. There's the foldout couch that is really comfortable."

"Well, if she stays for six weeks, I'll go stay with Bethia!" Billy Bob said coldly, "You'll do no such thing! There is no way you are leaving me for six weeks."
"Just watch me!"
Billy Bob grabbed her roughly by the shoulder. "Listen, little girl, we are a family now. It's high time you acted like it. What do you want me to do, drag Donna down here to take care of her?"
"If she's anything like your mother, I'll DEFINITELY be out of here. And don't EVER touch me like that again or I will be out of here so fast your head will spin!"
"Leave and I will go for custody of Julie."
"YOU WOULDN'T!"
"Why wouldn't I? I'm her father. I have just as much right to her as you do. And here is another thing you might do well to remember, Mrs. Montgomery. Money talks.
And I have political connections. I could get you for unfit mother just as easy as I could snap my fingers."

The kitchen door opened. Senator Montgomery opened the door and Mary Ellen Montgomery hobbled in on two crutches with her legs in casts. She snarled, "If I ever find that klutz who tripped me I will have his guts for garters! J.R., lead me to that recliner! William, darling, would you please get me a DECENT cup of tea? Not that English stuff!" She looked directly at Rosamond.
The phone rang. Rosamond ran to get it. "Hello?" No answer. "Hello?" Rose hung up the phone, relieved.

Slim hung up the phone. He lost his nerve. He dropped his book and then lost his place. Damn! He picked it up off the floor and looked at the cover again. Best 39.95 I ever spent!
Didn't know the adult book store would sell something like this! He read it aloud.
"Picking Up Women: The Stud's Guide Straight to Bed with Advanced Macking Seduction" manual.
He opened up to the Table of Contents and read them out loud. Hmmmm, here's a couple I could use! "How to Get Her to Keep Coming Back for More". Nope, don't really need that one! How about, "Making Out in Less than Twenty Minutes." Must be for slow starters! "Attracting Beautiful Women Made Easy" Piece of cake! He looked at the second book. "The Lazy Man's Guide to One Night Stands" Montgomery's wife looked real easy. Could that really be her on that tape Wanda Sue sent? She looked too high class to go in for sleaze. He put the tape in the tape recorder and played it again. Oh, yeah! Well, if Barney Rubble and Wilma Flintstone had something going on, I suppose Montgomery's wife could, too!


"Who was on the phone?" Billy Bob asked.
Rose said, "Don't know--they hung up. Now, back up. What's this about 'unfit mother'? You wouldn't dare! You know I am the best mother!"
Billy Bob poured himself a cup of coffee and added a shot of bourbon to it.
He sat down at the kitchen table and stretched his boots out on the chair beside him. "Exactly what I said. Julie is a Montgomery. She stays here at the ranch. Or maybe someday she will be living at Sundown."
Rose grew pale. "Sundown? What do you mean?"
Billy Bob smiled secretly. "Ohhh....nothing. Nothing you need to worry about. Just as long as you stay here, MRS. Montgomery."
Rose said softly, "Take my child from me and I swear I will kill you."
"Your child? YOUR child? OUR CHILD! Rosamond, you don't have it in you. If you did, Henry II would have been dead a lot earlier." He got to his feet.
"I have to meet Bobby Joe for a late breakfast. Have a nice visit with Mom."
Rosamond grabbed him by the arm. "You...you aren't leaving me here with her, are you?"
Billy Bob said, "Now, just do what she wants and she won't bite. Aw, come on, Rose, from what you told me about YOUR mother, Mom should be a walk in the park. Dad is out at the barn looking over the horses, I think he wants to work a couple of them. Then I think he'll be in the den making his phone calls to Austin. He's still senator, you know."
"But, Billy Bob...."
"Rosamond, grow up."
With that he walked out. Rose took a skillet and threw it at the door.

Halfway to his truck, Billy Bob heard a thump and then a clatter. What the hell was that? He shrugged it off and got in his truck.
He walked into the little country restaurant where William and Rosamond had met earlier. He grabbed a booth and a few minutes later Bobby Joe walked in and sat down. Bobby Joe said, "How's Mom?"
Billy Bob said, "Why do you think I am here? She's breathing fire and damnation and I am staying out of the line of fire! I'm letting Rosamond deal with it."
"Do you think that's fair?"
Billy Bob shrugged. "Rosamond has been acting flaky lately. Hope it's just her hormones trying to realign themselves. Hopefully by next year we'll have another 'tricycle motor' on the way. How goes it at the bar? I saw a bit of a commotion in the back. What happened?"

Bobby Joe sighed. "Oh, Tom Lucas' brother Leroy and Frank Travis got into a fight over the pool table. Leroy accused Frank of cheating, then Frank accused him of stealing his girlfriend....the list goes on and on. I'm busy supervising the whole operation and Hank fills in behind the bar. We can't be in three or four places at the same time."
Billy Bob said, "Why don't you hire a bouncer? Someone who doesn't mind using their fists when necessary?"
"Hey, that's a great idea. Know of any?"
"No, just survey the crowd and see who looks like they'll fit the bill. Then offer them an incentive like free beer-to a certain degree. Maybe the prospect of meeting women."
"Yeah, I'll give it some serious thought. Hear any more about the ...other problem?"
"No, and I'll bet it's long gone!"

Slim was sitting in the next booth. His ears pricked up. Free beer? Women?
That's for me! After all, I'm getting low on funds. And with all those women out there, I may not have to stay at the Motel 6 much longer! Well, I'll just show up at the Dew Drop Inn and offer my services.

Billy Bob sighed. "I don't know what's going on with her. She actually threatened to leave me! Or at least stay at her friend Bethia's house for the time that my mother is here."
Bobby Joe smiled. "Your mom always was a little..well, prim and proper. Everything very society oriented. I don't think anyone would have been good enough for you, Billy Bob.
"I actually had to threaten to send Donna here to help out. That's how desperate I am."
Bobby Joe showed immediate interest. "Donna? Coming here?"
Billy Bob looked suspiciously at Bobby Joe. "Since when are you interested in what Donna does? You don't have a crush on her still, do you?"
Bobby Joe blustered, "Of course not! Just because I took her out when I was a senior and she was a sophomore..."
Billy Bob said, "Well, she's got Lyle. Although a more pompous albatross I can't recall. He has political ambitions. My dad is pleased. I'll just bet Lyle has some skeletons in his closet!"
Bobby Joe, still smarting from the rebuff from Billy Bob, said, "Well, I don't think it could equal that big skeleton in your closet called Wanda Sue!"

Slim's ears were tingling.
Billy Bob drank the rest of his coffee. "Yeah, how could I have been so stupid? Talk about bad taste!"
Slim did a slow burn. He and Wanda Sue may have scrapped but she WAS his sister. What affected one Skagg affected them all.

Bobby Joe sighed. "Well, you got a dynamite looker now! Any trouble with Daniel?"
Billy Bob said, "Not to my knowledge. Daniel isn't the trouble, though. His twin brother John is, though. I wonder sometimes if she still thinks of him. I'd kill him if I could get away with it! Thought I saw him there that night that Verla got engaged."

Bobby Joe drank from his coffee cup. "It probably was Daniel you saw. After all, they are identicall twins."
Billy Bob scowled. "I don't feel a whole lot better about Daniel, either. From what he said, they had a pretty wild time. He still thinks the baby is his!"
"Might be a good idea to do a DNA test."
"Maybe eventually. I just needed my name on that birth certificate. I called Jameson. We are supposed to meet Anastacia and him at that new French Restaurant uptown tonight. I haven't told Rosamond yet but she probably wants to get away from Mom for the evening."
"What, no Dew Drop Inn?"
"No, Rose will be glad of the change. At least we won't see anyone we know! So it will be a nice peaceful evening."

Rosamond was doing her best to stay out of Mary Ellen Montgomery's way. The phone rang. "Hello?" she answered tentatively.
"Hi, Rose--it's me. Do you want to meet for lunch and plan Beth's shower?"
"Eleanor! Just the anchor I need! And yes, I would LOVE to get out of here for a while! Where do you want to meet?"
"How about that little bistro right on Main Street across from the town green. It just opened and I hear it's quite charming."
"How does 12:30 sound?"
"Fine--see you then!" Click!

Rosamond peeked in on Mary Ellen. She was dozing in a chair. Guess it's that medication. Thank goodness!
Rosamond changed into a skirt and sweater. Julie was awake and gurgling. Rose picked her up and gave her a kiss and hug. She hugged her baby fiercely. No one but no one is going to take you away from me! She looked at her and could see some of John in her. As long as no one else notices!
Rose headed for the town green in Chappaqua.


PLANNING THE SHOWER........by Coralynn

"Almost ready to go, Marilyn?" Eleanor yells as she throws on her light summer coat.
Marilyn pops out of her room and catches up with Eleanor.
"Rose is meeting us at the bistro?" she asks.
"She said she would," Eleanor answers as they walk to where El's car is parked.
They drive the 3 miles to the new Bistro in town and park.
"Her car is here!" Marilyn announces happily, "So obviously she got away from that fancy prison Montgomery has her in!"
"He is her husband, after all," Eleanor chides her, "Though in a way he hardly seems to be, know what I mean?"
"Do I ever!" Marilyn agrees as they enter the diner and spot Rose sitting in a booth near the back.
They slide into it and before they can say anything, Rosamond blurts out, "I'm taking a chance being here. The threatening calls from Susan Hemingway keep coming, and I'm afraid Billy Bob's wretched Mother is going to answer the phone one of these times!"

"She's pretty bad, is she?" Eleanor asks.
"Remember some of those videos we watched back in the good days when I lived in the Big House with you? Remember "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" Remember "Throw Mama from the Train"? Well, this woman is a cross between those two."
Eleanor lets out a whistle, "Wow, Rose, she sounds dreadful!"
"Ohhhhh, and let's not forget: she's those characters wearing PEARLS. That woman must wear her pearls to bed, I swear!"
The other two women look at her sympathetically, and Rosamond realizes the meeting is supposed to be about planning Bethia's wedding shower, and says, "OK, so are we having it June 10th the way we thought?"
"That looks like a good time to have it", Rose says, "BB is going to be in Dallas that whole week. Has no plans to take the mother from hell with him, though. Oh well. Now, let's make up a guest list!"

Marilyn brightens, "Ya know, they used to just invite women to wedding showers, but WE can invite the men as well, isn't that an elegant idea?"
"Love it!" the other two women agree.
Marilyn whips out a notebook and starts to write down the names of the people they're to invite.
"Let's see: William, John, Roger of course, Vinnie & Sheila, Celeste, Bill and maybe even Hillary if she's home then, Henry, Luke, Jerry, Marthy, Jack, Bess, Rafe, should we invite Grace? She'd be fine as long as there's no booze being served. We won't have alcoholic beverages, will we?"
Marilyn comes up for breath.
"No, not for an afternoon shower," Rose assures her. "What about Daniel?" Eleanor asks.
The others groan.
"I suppose we have to invite him, but I for one suggest we slip a sleeping draught into his punch," Marilyn giggles.
"Actually, that could be arranged!" Eleanor laughs.
"That makes 17, doesn't it?" Rose asks, and with US, that makes 20. A nice sized group."
Marilyn, being more familiar with the 20th century ways, takes charge and asks, "Wanna get up committees? We always had committees back in the 1950s. Someone would arrange for the entertainment; someone would do the decorating, someone would be in charge of refreshments, stuff like that!"
"Tell you what, I'll be in charge of the decorations and arrange for a caterer if you'll do the entertainment part, Marilyn," Eleanor states.
"Then what will I be in charge of?" Rose wrinkles her forehead.
"You will be in charge of getting your sweet self over to the big house, that's plenty, and maybe bring some fresh flowers from that garden," El says.
"We only have a few more days, so let's get this show on the road, ladies!" Marilyn smiles broadly and fishes under the table for where she's taken off her shoes.
"After the shower, can I come live with you?" Rose gets a pitiful look on her face as they get ready to depart.
Eleanor puts an arm around her and commiserates, "Ahhh honey, I wish you could. I wish you and that sweet baby of yours could move in with us today." They go out into the parking lot and get in their cars, Rose looking wistfully at the others as they pull out onto the road, a tear working its way down her face.


CHEZ PIERRE, PENELOPE & the PLAZA, by Terri

Eleanor and Marilyn were filled with enthusiasm for the shower. After meeting Rosamond, they went shopping and it was almost dark by the time they got home.
Marilyn clapped her hands. "Oh, this is going to be so awesome! And with Montgomery away for a week, maybe Rose can stay with us! That would make John deliriously happy!"
Eleanor shushed her. "It's Rose's business. Be careful what you say! Daniel could be lurking around here. You still have to look really closely to see which one it is! Besides, Daniel doesn't care about anything but getting his and if he can put the screws to John meanwhile, he will."
Marilyn smiled. "And John is the soul of sweetness! If his soul wasn't so bound up with Rosamond's, I could go for him myself!"
Eleanor laughed. "What about that long-hair you keep company with?"
Marilyn just smiled.

John was on the phone in the kitchen when Eleanor came in.
"....OK, 8:00 PM......no, I've seen it and have heard raves about it.....Marty, I'm not alll that comfortable with the replacement....well, I'm still hoping for a miracle, both professionally and personally....no, *sigh* go ahead and bring her....just don't expect a scintillating conversationalist.....what does she look like?...un huh, ...un, huh.... no, she's stilll manacled to that cowboy....remind me to tell you what happened the other night...Ha, ha.....OK, just make the reservations in your name. I'll be there at 8:00....no, I won't be late! Just YOU be the one who plans on taking her home!..... see you then!"

Eleanor raised her eyebrow. John got defensive. "What...WHAT? Why are you giving me that 'cow eyes' look?"
Eleanor shrugged. "I just came from seeing Rose."
John grabbed her by the arm. "How is she?"
Eleanor said, "Rosamond is a real mess. She practically begged to come back home. I don't know what their marriage is like...but she is pretty wiped out, emotionally and physically." "DAMMIT! I can't see Rose, I can't watch my daughter grow up! Her first smile? Montgomery will see it! Her first step? It will be HIS hand she holds! Who will tuck her in at night? HE will. And who is he kissing at night? Rosamond! And who is he holding in his arms at night? I swear...."

Eleanor could see John was getting worked up into a rant so she said, "Well, we were just planning Bethia's bridal shower. Guys invited but you can have your own smoker in the den! I am sure you don't want to watch Beth open up packages of lacy lingerie! And while we are at it, do you have a 'hot date' tonight?"
John frowned. "Marty has a replacement for Rosamond. He said he can't have Daisy lost at sea too much longer. She'll have to resurface with amnesia and a new face, courtesy of a plastic surgeon. He has a new actress, Penelope Patterson, lined up. He wants me to meet her and get my impression of her."
Eleanor sighed. "Where are you meeting them?"
"That new French restaurant on Fifth and Broadway. Heard it was all the rave. And now I'd better go get dressed.

About forty-five minutes later, John came down, freshly showered and shaved. He had put on a tie. Eleanor raised her eyebrow. She walked over to John. She sniffed and grabbed John by the tie and pulled him closer to her." I smell cologne. What is it, Grey Flannel? John, is this a date or what?"
John got defensive. "Just because I felt like dressing up a bit does not constitute a date, Eleanor. You know Rosamond is the only woman I love. But one thing. I don't want Rosamond to know about this. She would probably get the wrong idea. It is a business dinner. That's all it is." Eleanor pulled the knot of his tie up to his collar and straightened his tie. She looked askance at him. "I would normally say 'Have a good time' but I don't think you should!"
John adjusted his cuff links. "These are the very ones Rose gave me at Christmas.
Everytime I wear them I think of her.' He gave a huge sigh. "Rose told me once that Celeste told her she was facing a life-altering change in her future. And to not act rashly. Oh, if only she had heeded her advice!"
He started out the door and looked at Eleanor wistfully. "Yeah, things would have been a WHOLE lot different!" With a sad smile, he said to Eleanor, "I wish I could say 'Don't wait up for me!' but I plan on making this as simple and as painless as possible! Goodnight, Eleanor!" Eleanor kissed her fingers and waved them at John. "Good night, sweet prince!"


Billy Bob was going through the mail at the kitchen table. Rosamond walked in, feeling totally trapped and utterly defeated.
He was thumbing through the envelopes when he said without looking at her, "I could hardly get the back door open until I found an iron skillet wedging the door shut. Now how do you suppose that got there?" Rosamond snapped back. "I haven't the foggiest idea. Why, honey, do you suppose we have poltergeists?"
Billy Bob still wasn't looking at her when he said, "Well, someone needs to tell that poltergeist that childish behaviour is totally out of place and will not be tolerated."
Rose said nastily, "I'll tell 'him' but he'll probably say "Go..." "Rose! Where is the channel changer?" came the sounds from the living room.

Rose groaned. "This has been going on all day! She alternates between Martha Stewart, HGTV and that cooking channel. Trouble is, she thinks she knows so much better about what a 'good thing' is than Martha." Billy Bob said, "Well, my money is on Mom. If there is one thing that woman knows, it's good taste. Her gardens have won awards and our home was featured in Architectural Digest."
"Yeah, well, our family castle was featured in 'Castle and Hearth' magazine."
He looked up at her."Really?"
She said, "Of course not!"
"OH, by the way, we are going out with Jameson and Anastacia tonight. I thought you would like a night out at a classy restaurant. We are going to Chez Pierre. It just opened up."
"I don't feel like it."
"I don't care what you feel like or don't feel like. We are going and that is that."
"And if I refuse to go?"
"Then I will drag you in the shower and dress you myself. You will smile and be charming. And we will have a good time."
She stood up. "You wouldn't dare!"
He stood up, all 6'3" of him. Rose backed off. "Allright. But don't ask me to enjoy myself. I will be charming. I will be sexy. I will dress to make you swoon. And that is all. You inflict your mother on me, you take away my career, but I will be the charming little wife. Your eye candy."
Billy Bob sat down. "That's all I ask. For now."

Rosamond spent a long luxurious hour in a bubble bath. Julia had been fed and bathed and Juanita was going to watch her. Heaven help us if I leave her with that wicked grandmother! The senator would be OK, but Mrs. Senator? Totally out of the question! She dried off and slipped on her terrycloth robe. Clipping her hair up, she surveyed her face in the mirror. Do I really look that depressed? It's been a few weeks since I could even be with John, since I kissed him, since I held him, since.... "Rosamond!" She jumped a mile. "Are you going to be in there all night long?"
She opened up the bathroom door. "All yours."
She sat down and put her makeup on and twisted her hair up into an updo. Then she went to her closet...what to wear?
She got a deliciously wicked idea. Since Jameson and Anastacia are so prim and proper, I should go for 'wow'. Jameson, with his moral judgements of me and his big mouth, telling Billy Bob about John and me at the beach house...

Rosamond went to the closet and pulled out a red, RED dress with a hemline that wouldn't quit and a neckline that strove to meet it. She found her red slingback pumps in the closet. She threw it across the bed and looked through her jewelry box. She pulled out the diamond tennis bracelet that John had given to her for Christmas.
It seemed like an eternity ago. Something has to change soon or I will lose my mind!

She stood there in her lingerie and tried to clasp the bracelet on. Billy Bob came from behind her and slid his arms around her and drew her to him. He kissed her neck. "Billy Bob, DON'T! You'll ruin my hair and makeup."
He said, "So what? Hey, where did you get that bracelet?"
Her mind raced. "This one? This...this was a gift from Marty Henshaw. A little thank you gift for winning those awards. I helped boost 'As the Planet Turns' into the #1 spot and it was his way of thanking me." Billy Bob's eyes narrowed. "Well, I never saw it before." "I can't help it if you aren't more observant."
He turned and pulled a soft turquoise blue silk shirt out of the closet to go with his black pants. He pulled on an expensive pair of hand tooled leather boots.
Rose sighed. Too bad he is so damn good-looking. And so damn domineering. He's got 1950's ideas on what a wife should be. She turned and put on her red dress and sprayed Opium on.
They went downstairs. The senator whistled. "Damn hell, girl, you'd light MY fire in that dress!"
"Why, thank you, Dad!"
Mary Ellen pursed her lips disapprovingly. "In my day, only sluts wore red." Billy Bob just smiled. "Yeah."
Rose thought, I don't give a damn WHAT you think, Mommy dearest!
And with final instructions to Juanita, they drove into the City.

Rosamond and Billy Bob walked into Chez Pierre. Rose looked at the Parisian decor. "This is gorgeous!" she breathed.
Billy Bob said, "You fit right in, Sugah!" Then to the maitre d' he said, "Table under the name of Osgood."
The maitre d' said, "Ah, right zees way, Monsieur Montgomery! Monsieur et Madame Osgood est ici!" He led them to where Jameson and Anastacia were sitting.
Jameson said, "Great you could make it, William! Honest, I just can't call you 'Billy Bob'! " He glanced at Rosamond and then took a second look. And a third. He had never seen a neckline so....
"Jameson! Will you order us some champagne?" Anastacia asked. Stacia was wearing a sedate lavender dress with a high neckline. She had low heels on, compared to Rosamond's red slingback pumps. Jameson sighed. And she wonders why I cheat on her! Can't figure it out, either--she just doesn't even care!
Marcel the waiter came over. He said, "S'il vous plait, may I get you some champagne?"
Jameson said, "Yes, a bottle of Dom Perignon, s'il vous plait, Marcel!" Billy Bob put his arm around the back of Rosamond's chair and smiled. "What's the occasion, Jameson?"
Jameson grinned. "The occasion is a surprise. I am the owner of this fine establishment! I bought it six months ago and we have been renovating it. I wanted to surprise you!"

Rosamond touched Jameson's hand lightly. "How perfectly wonderful! Jameson, you are so resourceful! All the men in this family seem to turn anything they touch into gold!" She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Jameson got a whiff of her perfume. He blushed and grinned self-consciously. Hey, what am I thinking? This is my cousin's wife! But it didn't stop him from sneaking a peek down her neckline. If it was Anastacia wearing that dress, all I'd see are her feet, he thought.
They drank champagne and had a few appetizers. Marcel handed them the menus.
Billy Bob asked, "What looks good to you, darling?"
She glanced at the menu. To Marcel she said, "J'aurais cotelettes d'agneau grilles avec alciatore sauce, et carottes au beurre."
Billy Bob said, "I'll have the same." To Rosamond he said, "What am I having?"
She said, "Prime center cut lamb chops with mint jelly, alciatore sauce and carrots with a butter sauce."
Stacia said, "My word, where did you learn French? I thought you were from England!"
Rosamond said, "I went to school in France for a few years. Learned alot there."
Jameson said under his breath, I'll bet you did! He said, "More champagne?"
Rosamond said, "Yes, I believe I'll have....another......glass."
She looked at the entranceway to the dining room. She almost dropped her champagne glass.
Marty and Barbara Henshaw came in with another couple. But who it was made Rosamond's blood run cold.
Because on the arm of a pretty but flashy redhead was her very own John Gwinnett.

The redhead was looking up adoringly at John and rested her hand on his arm. Marty gave his name to the maitre d' and they were seated on the other side of the restaurant. Rosamond was hidden from their view but she could see them.
John solicitously pulled out the chair for Red. Rose felt her face pale. She thought she was going to faint but she willed herself to stay conscious. Then her face grew red. Billy Bob was watching her face change colors with concern. "Rose, are you allright?"
"Ye-yes. Why do you ask?"
"You look like you are going to be sick!"
She tried to compose herself. "No, just a little too much of the bubbly! I'll be alright!"
She kept glancing covert glances at the four of them. The redhead rose from the table, leaned far over John and said something. He smiled and she walked toward the ladies' room.
Rose jumped up quickly. "I'll be back. I need to splash some cold water on my face."
She walked towards the ladies' room.
Jameson asked, "Is she allright?"
Billy Bob shrugged. "Guess so. I gave up trying to figure her out."

Rosamond walked quickly to the powder room, taking care that Marty and John did not see her. She primped at the mirror until the redhead came out. Carefuly Rose applied her lipstick. Rose put on a bright smile and said to Red, "This is a wonderful new restaurant, isn't it?"
Red opened up her compact and began dusting her over-made face. Rosamond thought to herself, yeah, a typical ski slope! Two inches of base and five inches of powder! Red gushed, "Oh, yes! This is my very first time here!"

Rose said, "I'm glad you like it. My husband is the owner." So I lie! She thought!
Red said in awe, "Oh, wow! You must be so proud of him!"
Rose said, "We are getting people's opinions of it, trying to find out the kind of clientele we are attracting." Rose bent over and adjusted the sling in her pumps.
"Are you here with your husband?"
Red said, "Oh, no! I am here with my producer and his wife and my co-star!"
Rose said, "OH! Are you an actress?"
Red said, "Yes! I just got the part of Daisy in 'As the Planet Turns'!"
Rose said, "Oh, I used to watch that when I was in college. I just graduated so I don't get to watch it much anymore. What ever happened to that actress who originated the part? What was her name again?"
"Rosamond de Clifford."
"Yes! That was it! OH! So you must be with her co-star....oh, I can't remember his name! What was it...James.....Jeffrey...."
"John. John Gwinnett."
"OH! That's it! I heard he won the 'hottest couple' award with Miss DeClifford last November."
Red got out her lipstick. Rose said to herself, yeah, honey, a hideous coral!
Red applied her lipstick carefully. "Well, they are a thing of the past! When I get through, Mr. John Gwinnett will forget all about that has-been Rosamond."
Rosamond leaned against the vanity counter. "Are you seeing Mr. Gwinnett in your private life?"
Red smiled a secret smile. "Honey, tonight that man is MINE! Because he is taking me home tonight. Yep! He'll forget Rosamond de Clifford ever existed! She was never his type anyways."
Rosamond held out her hand. "My name is Anastacia Osgood, by the way. And you are....?"
"Penelope. Penelope Patterson. Remember that! Because I aim to bump Rosamond de Cliffford off the memories of the viewing public." "Well, Miss Patterson, I wish you the best!"
Penelope smiled a brilliant smile. "Honey, I HAVE the best! And he's sitting right at that table waiting for me to come back! Goodnight, Mrs. Osgood!" she said as she opened the door.
"Have a wonderful evening, Miss Patterson!..." and as the door closed, Rose said, "You little bitch!"

Rose went over to the bar and ordered a double scotch. She drank it down quickly in four gulps. She slipped the bartender a fifty and headed back to the table.
"Are you OK now, Sugah?"
Rose flashed a brilliant smile. "Never better, darling!" Her face was flushed from her powder room encounter and the whiskey. She gazed over at John and Miss Patterson. Penelope. What an awful name! Penelope had whispered something to him and he threw his head back and laughed. Rose turned to Billy Bob. "I do believe I will have another glass of champagne, darling!"
Billy Bob was chagrined at the way the evening was ending up, considering the way she was when she was getting dressed to go out. Rosamond was overly attentive to her husband. She rested her hand on his thigh and rubbed her hand up and down his arm.
John never even had the slightest indication that Rosamond was there. The Henshaw party was finished before the Osgood party. Rose watched as John helped Miss Patterson on with her wrap. What cheesy fabric, Rose thought. That shade of red hair should NEVER wear coral! As they left, she watched as Penelope Patterson put her arm possessively around John's waist.

Dinner was finally over and Billy Bob pulled Rose's chair out for her. Rose gave Jameson a kiss on the cheek goodnight and she gave Stacia a perfunctory hug.
"I really had a marvelous time, Jameson...Anastacia. Please. Let's do this again."
Jameson clapped Billy Bob on the back and whispered, "Loved your wife's dress!"
Billy Bob laughed and whispered back, "I can't BEGIN to tell you what Mom said!"

As Billy Bob and Rosamond walked outside to the car, Billy Bob said, "I have it all arranged. Juanita is staying overnight and we are staying at the Plaza! I thought we could use a little time away from everyone." "But, Billy Bob! I didn't bring any clothes!"
He looked at her and said, "Your point is....?"
But Rosamond had too much champagne to even care any more."The Plaza it is!"
They checked into a suite. While Billy Bob was in the shower, Rose dialed her voicemail.
"Ro? It's El! The invitations to the shower are going out and we are counting on you to be there! Give me a call tomorrow!"
Click!
"Hi, Rose, It's Marilyn. We decided to go with the Rich and Famous Caterers, we heard they are the best! Got an idea for the cake we want to run by you. Give El or me a call about it."
Click!
"Rose? It's Verla! Jake and I set the wedding date for August 30th. We want you and Billy Bob in the wedding so don't let him go out of town that weekend! See ya at the Inn!"
Click!
"Hey, you little whore, this is Daniel! You'd better let me see my kid! Or else...."
Rose clicked that one off herself.
"Rosamond, darling, it's me." John's voice came over the voicemail. "I have a few things to do tonight so I will call you tomorrow. How's my two favorite girls? Love you!"
Click!
Rose took her cellphone and threw it against the wall. "CHEATING BASTARD!" she yelled.
Billy Bob came out of the bathroom wrapped in one of the hotel terrycloth robes.
"Whoa! What's the problem?"
Rose stood up, her face flushed. "Nothing. Just those telemarketers got hold of my cellphone number. I'm so tired of them!"
She filled a tub with hot water and added lots of bubble bath. She had a good cry in the tub and came out wrapped in a matching robe.
As she slid into bed, it was she who reached for Billy Bob.


THE WOMAN ALSO KNOWN AS..........by Coralynn

WandaSue, aka Susan Hemingway, aka Sharon Curtis, walks back to her efficiency apartment from her job at the dog boarding kennel.
"I hate that job," she thinks to herself, "Gotta get something else, a job where I won't be nipped by the customers! But what?" she wracks her brain for ideas.
As she enters her apartment an idea suddenly comes to her, "I could work in a catering service!! I'm strong; I can carry big trays and plates; I could also get into the houses of some of the fancy-schmancy people who live in this town; case them and come back later to relieve them of their more expensive possessions. Yes, that's a great idea!"

She rifles through the yellow pages to 'catering' and sees one listed right in Pleasantville: "Rich and Famous Catering Service."
"Perfect!" she declares as she lifts the phone and dials the number. Someone answers in a cultured sounding voice.
WandaSue imitates the lady's voice back to her, "I say there, I am currently in the area and would like to resume my career as a caterer; could you use any help?"
She hopes this sounds high class enough for the snooty sounding woman.
"Yes, as it happens, we have a catering job in Chappaqua in a couple days; bridal shower on Winding Willow Lane. Could you come in tomorrow and we'll see if you work out, and, if so, you can help us on that job. Very impressive people, too, TV celebrities and dignitaries as well as the richest woman in Westchester County......" the woman is obviously trying to impress WSue, aka Sharon, which excites her, as she recognizes the description of the occupants of the Big House. How perfect is this?!

When asked for her name, she says "Sharon Curtis of the Massachusetts Curtis dynasty"......then wonders if that may be a tad over the top, but the other woman's voice sounds impressed.
"Of course!" she pretends to recognize the family line.
Stupid woman, 'Sharon' thinks, she would probably be a good candidate for that story about The Emporer's New Clothes, too!
The call concludes pleasantly, and 'Sharon' hangs up, then high fives herself.
Sure wish I had someone to talk to about this, though, she muses, Slim, that good-for-nothing is OUT of the loop, though. Can't tell him I have another bank account under the Susan Hemingway name; can't tell that rotten brother anything anymore!

The next morning 'Sharon' shows up at the Rich and Famous Catering Service in her best outfit, which she was able to purchase at the WalMart down the street from her apartment with the paltry money she earned at the dog kennel.
"I'm Sharon Curtis of the Massachsetts Curtis dynasty," she tells the woman behind the counter, who raises her eyebrows and begins to snicker. "I'll tell Mrs. Snow you're here!" she disappears into the back room, then reappears with "Mrs Snow."
Said Mrs. Snow holds out her hand and says in her infuriatingly cultured voice, "So nice to meet you, Sharon, I've heard so much about your illustrious family."
'Sharon' succeeds in holding back a snicker, and returns the handshake, then, imitating Mrs. Snow's tone of voice, answers, "You must be a descendant of the Mayflower Snows, is that correct?"
"Well, yes, our line does go back to the Mayflower. How did you know?"
'Sharon' thinks to herself, "because of your fake way of talking and because it was a lucky guess on my part, that's how!"
Mrs. Snow then proceeds to sign 'Sharon' to a contract with the catering service, shows her the procedures used and does all she can to impress her with the wildly illustrious clientele they serve.
'Sharon' makes all the appropriate comments and pretends to be impressed and excited. The last part is actually true, though: she is going to get her carcas inside the Big House on Winding Willow yet again. The thought exhilerates her, though it also sets her nerves on high alert. How to deal with this ruthless group of people without being sent back to a place even worse than 1692 Salem, Mass. That is going to take some doing, babydoll. Hopefully they won't recognize me with the black hair and newer haircut. It sure was a misery cutting it with those fingernail scissors, too, but HEY, the way women are styling their hair these days, I should fit right in!!


SLIM, PARTY ANIMAL...........by Coralynn

Slim is running out of funds. He sits in his Motel room and ruminates on how to bankroll his opulent lifestyle. He wants to make sure he can stay in the Motel6 indefinitely, but, in order to do that, he'd better get a job.
"I may be able to get that bouncer job at the Dew Drop Inn," he says to himself, "but in the meantime I have to get something else. But what?"
He looks through the Help Wanted ads that came with the free newspaper they dropped at the door of every place in town, his included.
Flipping through the pages, he notices an ad with a bold heading: "Be the Life of the Party....hunky men needed!"
"Well, hell, I am a very hunky man," he announces to the empty room as he flexes his muscles, "I'll just see what this is all about!" and he dials up the number given in the ad.
A voice announces over the line, "Hunks R Us!"
"I'm replying to your ad for hunky men," Slim begins.
"Now, we are very particular about the appearance of our men," the voice continues, "You have to be over six feet and look like a body builder."
"That's me!" Slim assures the voice.
"We're holding auditions at noon today," he is informed, and copies down the address.
"See you at noon!" he says confidently and hangs up.
He paces the room, as the audition is still two hours away.
"Oh well, I can use the time to see how much money I can make off Montgomery," he dials the ranch.
It rings four times and on the fifth ring is picked up. A weak female voice answers, "hello."
Hmmmmmmm, sounds like an old lady. Wonder if it's Montgomery's mother, that old bat he has always despised. Just for fun, he tells her, "I am the grim reaper and I am coming for you, Mrs. Montgomery. I am going to haul you off to the bone yard. Your soul is going straight to hell, do not pass "GO", do not collect 200 dolars!" he gives a wicked laugh and hangs up.
"I'll try again later and see if Billy Bob answers, hell, he can write a check out faster than you can say Jack Robinson. Better open me up a bank account, though. Yeah. Wells Fargo. I'll do that right after I nail down that hunk job.

At noon sharp Slim shows up at Hunks R Us. He reads the smaller title under the main one, that reads "A hunky cake for every occasion."
"Cake?!"
He goes into the place and tells the receptionest who he is. She gestures for him to sit.
There are two other men sitting as well. Slim looks over at them to compare himself. Hell, that one guy is an Arnold Schwartseneger clone, but the other guy looks puny. Wonder how many men they're looking to hire anyway?
A man and a woman then appear from the business office, their eyes glancing over the applicants.
"We'll take you," pointing to the Arnold clone, "and you," pointing to Slim. The other man leaves the place dejectedly.
The two men accompany the people who must run the place back to a large room replete with large fake cakes.
"You will both enter a cake, no not the same one, two different ones," they are told, "Just slide under them, they're very light."
This is true; Slim has no problem lifting one of the fake cakes and sliding it over his head.
"NOW," the owners say more loudly, so as to be heard from inside the cakes, "The top of the cake will lift up easily as you jump through it. We need to see how you'll appear to the party goers."
Slim thinks this is odd, as obviously they want scantily clad men, not fully dressed ones, to pop out of the cake, so he struggles out of his clothes.
"On the count of Three, then......" come the voices again, "One, two, Three!!"
Slim jumps out and most of his body emerges through the top of the cake. He flexes his muscles and growls, "I am MAN, hear me roar!"

The owners both clap enthusiastically.
The other man hasn't thought to disrobe, and is totally ignored. He then pulls himself out of the cake, stomping it into the ground as he thunders out of the room.
The owners shake Slim's hand, "You did exactly what we needed you to do. The other man should have known to take his clothes off, but didn't, so he's out of the running. Welcome to HunksRUs!"

Slim is pleased.
"We'll need you to work a bridal shower on Winding Willow Lane in Chappaqua in a couple days. Will you be available for that?"
"Oh yes," Slim assures them, then wonders why the name of the street sounds familiar. Not wanting to tip his hand, but still eaten up with curiosity, he asks, "What bridal shower would that be?"
The woman owner claps her hands delightedly and tells him, "It's for Bethia, the richest woman in Westchester County. Her friends, William the Conquering Chef and Eleanor the Wonder Woman sportscaster, hired us."

Slim still isn't sure why the address sounds vaguely familiar, but thinks, "Fine. I can case the joint, and if they have any valuables I can always double back later and relive them of them. Richest woman in Westchester County, aye? Whooooooeeeeee!!" he slaps his thigh as he goes out to his monster truck and climps way up to the driver's seat, "If WandaSue could see me NOW!" he exults.


MEANWHILE, OVER AT THE HOUSE ON ELMWOOD...........by Coralynn

"Mail's here!" Marthy announces, "And look! We actually got some! Bess, it looks like we both got checks for our modeling work!" she tears open her envelope and swings the check in the air.
Bess slowly opens her envelope, "How do we turn these into money, Marthy?"
"We cash them at the bank, don't worry, I'll help you! This is great......our own money! Pretty soon we can afford to start paying rent to Bethia."
"Has she been letting us stay here free?" Bess' forehead wrinkles.
"Yes, she has, because she won a huge amount of money about 6 months ago, but I don't feel it's proper to take advantage of her generosity, do you?"
"Guess not," Bess agrees.
"LOOK! We also got little fancy envelopes; wonder what these are?" Marthy tears open the one addressed to her, "This is an invitation to Bethia's wedding shower in a couple days! You got one, too. Jack and Rafe have envelopes addressed to them as well," Marthy says as she goes out the door and across the hall to knock on the men's apartment door.
Rafe opens the door just a crack and peers out suspiciously, then, seeing it's just Marthy, asks, "Yes? What'd'ya want?" in an irritated tone.
"Don't use that tone of voice on me, Rafe," Marthy warns him, "These envelopes contain invitations to Bethia's wedding shower in a couple days. We're all going. If you need help selecting an appropriate gift, let me know and I'll help you."
"GIFT?!" he snarls, "And what am I going to use for money to buy this 'gift'"?
"Still don't have a job, Rafe?"
"I only know how to do one thing," he tells her like she of course should know this.
"That's ridiculous!" she frowns at him, "You could do all manner of other things. You could hire out as a laborer, for instance. You look strong enough. You just have a rotten attitude!" and with that she goes back across the hall to the apartment she and Bess share.
Bess looks up questioningly, "What did Rafe and Jack say?"
"I think Jack has already left for his college classes, but Rafe was not too polite. He said he had no money to buy Bethia a gift because he's only fitted for one line of work. I told him he could be a laborer, but he didn't seem interested. He has a bad attitude."
"I know, I know," Bess agrees, "I wonder what I ever saw in him!"
"You saw a dashing young man in peril," Marthy reminds her, "And the danger appealed to you. Your parents would have had a fit if they'd known you were trysting with him, so maybe you did it in rebellion."
"That sounds about right," Bess muses, "I must have been addelpated. Now I think of him as a loser who won't adapt to new circumstances. Look at you! Look at me! We have jobs, we get our pictures in magazines and that great catalogue Beth made up for her dress line. Sure, the jobs were handed to us, but Rafe could get work......"

"If he isn't careful, William will take him back to 1777 and be done with him," Marthy conjectures, "Would that upset you, Bess?"
"Not a bit!" Bess says firmly, "He can go back into that Highwayman poem and find himself another innocent girl. I'd be well rid of him!"


ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL should be HUNG........by Coralynn

Slim is feeling very self-satisfied now that he knows he has a hunky-cake gig in a couple days.
Too bad there's nobody to tell about it. WandaSue seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. Where might she have gone anyway? Is she still mad about me spending the money on the monster truck? Doesn't she realize I did it for both of us?? Well, maybe not the both of us exactly, but still.......

He reaches for his cellphone and punches the Montgomery Ranch speed-dial. Ring, ring, ring......dammit, pick up!!!
He hangs in there and eventually, on the 7th ring, a male voice answers. Must be Billy Bob, yep, must be.
"Hi, bro!" Slim begins, "I still have copies of those divorce documents that were never finalized.......yeah, those......and if you don't want them released to the tabloids, put a hundred thou in an account at Wells Fargo bank under the name Clark Gable.......yes, there is so another Clark Gable.......PUT it there or your little wife will learn you're a bigamist!.......I don't care it wasn't on purpose......the tabloids won't care, either........that's right, a hundred thou in the Clark Gable account, BYE NOW!"

Slim puts on his boots and jacket and leaves Room 12 of Motel 6, walking down the street where he can see the Wells Fargo Bank sign in the distance.
"Hot damn!" he thinks, "WandaSue isn't the only one who knows how to extort money!!"


MEANWHILE on ELMWOOD AVE......by Coralynn

Rafe looks at his invitation to the bridal shower. How stupid! How is he supposed to know what to buy; besides he's dead broke.
"Gotta get me some loot," he thinks, "Gotta do a heist. A-ha! just a minute.......isn't this the fancy house where that Beth millionaire lives? Hmmmmmm, I think I'll just show up at that shower, case the joint and double back later to relieve them of some of their expensive baubles. YEAH!

He goes to the refrigerator, pulls out the milk with the past its sell date and glugs some of it down. He sits on a kitchen chair and smiles for the first time since he arrived in the 21st Century.
"Can't keep a good thief down for long!" he tells the kitchen walls, which just stare back at him mutely.


PLAZA SWEET........by Terri

Rosamond woke up to a headache that just wouldn't quit. She sat up and rubbed her temples. Guess it was all that champagne. The double shot of scotch didn't help either, she was beginning to remember what she tried to forget. Billy Bob reached for her and snuggled up next to her.
"Good morning, beautiful! Wonderful night!"
Rosamond sat up quickly again. She murmured, "I have to get up and nurse Julie. She should have awakened me by now!"
Billy Bob chuckled. "Honey, we stayed overnight at the Plaza. Remember?"
Rosamond flopped back in bed and moaned. "We'd better get back."
Billy Bob stroked her cheek and kissed her. "Sugah, checkout time is not until noon.."


Eleanor was the first one up. She had the coffemaker going. One by one they came down, drank their coffee and left. John stumbled downstairs last wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants.
Eleanor handed him a cup of coffee and smiled, "Well, look what the cat dragged in. How was Chez Pierre?"
"The food was fine. Marty and Barbara are terrific."
"And the co-star?"
"Penelope Patterson?"
"PENELOPE? What kind of name is that?"
"She's alright. But she's not Rosamond."
"So what was your impression of her?"
"Too blatantly sexy. She kept leaning over so I could get a major view of her cleavage. Rosamond can look sexy just pushing a strand of hair out of her eyes."
"What time did you get in?"
"I don't know."
Eleanor frowned at him. "Try 2:00 AM, Buster! I heard your car and I glanced at the clock. You know nothing good happens after midnight, John."
"She wanted me to come up for a drink."
"Did you?"
"Yes."
"Did you kiss her?"
"Eleanor, what kind of question is that?"
"Did you kiss her?"
"How can you even ask me such a thing?"
"DID YOU KISS HER?"
"YES! ALRIGHT, SO I KISSED HER!"
"Ooooh, if Rosamond ever finds out, you in a heap o' trouble, boy!"
John leaned his cheek on his hand and absentmindedly stirred his coffee."Well, we'll just have to make sure she doesn't find out, right? Miss Patterson was relentless! She kept whispering to me, touching my arm, resting her hand on my thigh. Talk about boldness! Whatever you do, Eleanor, don't say a word to Bethia! The fewer people know about this the better!"

John reached for his cellphone and dialed Rosamond's number. It just rang and rang.
"That's odd. She never takes her voicemail off. Eleanor, I have the day off and I just have to see her and the baby. Could you....would you.....call the Montgomery Ranch for me?"
Eleanor smiled teasingly. "I shouldn't after what you did, you....cheating bastard?!"
She dialed the ranch and a woman answered the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hello, this is Eleanor. May I please speak to Rosamond?" She mouthed to John, the Wicked Mother-in-Law from the South. John made a face.
"I'm sorry, Rosamond and my son didn't come home last night. They spent the night at the Plaza."
Eleanor frowned. "She's not there?"
John mouthed in alarm, not there?
Mary Ellen said, "Well, the way my daughter-in-law was dressed last night, I wasn't a bit surprised my son didn't have enough control to come home! I have never seen a hemline that short or a neckline that low! And those red slingback pumps! You know what we used to call them?....Never mind! Although they are still newlyweds. Married nine months with a two month old baby. Any one can do the math! This is a disgrace to the Montgomery family...."
Eleanor interrupted her. "Would you please tell her that I called and to get in touch with me when she returns?"
Mary Ellen said cattily, "Well, don't expect them before checkout time!" Click!

John said, "What is going on?"
Eleanor frowned and looked at the receiver. "I'm....not sure. It sounds like Rosamond and her husband...no! She has to be mistaken."
John grabbed his cellphone and punched in Rosamond's cell number.
"The number you have dialed is out of the service area...."
John took his phone and threw it against the wall.
Eleanor shook her head. "John, you have to stop doing that. How many cell phones have you gone through this past month? Three?"
He said quietly. "Four."


WANDA SUE, aka Susan, aka Sharon, ON A ROLL.......by Coralynn

Mary Ellen Montgomery is sitting in her recliner chair, mint julip by her side as well as everything she needs, including a phone, when said phone rings.
She picks up. "Hello?" her weak voice comes over the line.
A woman's very cultured voice says, "Mr. Montgomery, please." W/Sue, aka Sharon, smiles, as she recognizes the voice as Billy Bob's witch of a mother.
I'm doing a very good imitation of a snobby lady now that I have Mrs. Snow to imitate, she thinks as she waits for the phone to be passed to Billy Bob.
She then hear's a man's voice on the line......hmmmmmmm......Billy Bob's voice is getting lower all the time!! Before he knows it, if he isn't careful, he'll start to sound like his Dad.

"Hello, Mr. Montgomery," she says in a cultured but mocking tone, "This is Susan Hemingway. You know, that Susan Hemingway. Right........don't you act like you don't know who I am, buster...........put a half million dollars in my bank account at Wells Fargo bank or your little wifee will find out you aren't legally married........how d'ya like them apples?" Whooooops, that last part didn't sound very cultured, oh well, the bastard is sweating bullets about now. HA!!
When the phone is slammed in her ear, she grins. "Good one, babydoll, now let's give him till tomorrow. He may be stupid, but he's not stupid enough to ignore this!

Hell, while I'm at it, let's put a touch on John Gwinett as well. He's not as rich as Billy Bob, but I can use all the pocket change I can get about now.
She dials up the Big House.
Rats! A woman answers, oh well........"May I please speak to John?" she uses her fake cultured voice again.
She hears the woman saying, "John, it's for you. Penelope? She IS an agressive little tart, isn't she?"
"Penelope?" Sharon (aka Wanda Sue) thinks, "A-ha! He's cheating on Rosamond? Great!"
John voice comes on, "Hello, John here."
She makes sure her voice is high class when she says, "I want another 50 thou, Johnny boy! Put it in my account under the name Susan Hemingway or Montgomery hears the tape, got that straight?"
Again her ears are jolted by the sound of a phone being slammed down.
"Haaaa," she says to her empty apartment, "I may lose the hearing in my left ear from all this phone slamming, but I'll be a rich woman with a hearing loss instead of a dirt-poor one! That'll show them not to mess with me, not to take me to old Salem, Mass and dump me, hoping I'll be hung as a witch. That was a bad move on their part.......now they'll pay, and pay, and pay......."


WANDA SUE: BARITONE________by Terri

John slammed the phone down and just stared at it.
Eleanor laid her hand on his shoulder. "Penelope tick you off?"
John sat down and stared at the wall. "Not Penelope. Susan Hemingway. She wants another 50,000.00 or Montgomery gets the tape."
Eleanor said thoughtfully, "Rosamond said he leaves for Dallas for a week. I think he is leaving tomorrow. Probably some horse seminar or auction. Guess he lives and breathes horses according to Rosamond. You have bought a reprieve from Susan for a week."
John looks hopefully to Eleanor. "Do you suppose Rose will come here to stay?"
Eleanor said, "Doubtful. I think Mommy in Law is still going to be there."
"Maybe she can think of an excuse? Use her old 'Monique' excuse?"
Eleanor said,"We'll see." Eleanor was not all that happy about the fact that Rosamond and her husband were spending the night at the Plaza. It sounded like Rose was...well, enjoying herself. It sounded like she was certainly dressed for the part! Eleanor sat down next to John. She said in all seriousness, "John, dear, is there anything more you need to 'fess up about Penelope? I mean, you DID kiss her. Was there anything...more?"
John was shocked. "I can't believe you asked me that question! NO WAY! I've been faithful to Rosamond ever....ever since, well, Julie was..that night..."
Eleanor laughed. "Oh, let's not be so wordy! Ever since you knocked Rose up!"
John turned red which made Eleanor laugh all the more bawdily.

It was 2:00 PM by the time Rosamond and Billy Bob got back to the ranch.
"HI, Mom!" Billy Bob shouted as they opened the door.
Mary Ellen pursed her lips disapprovingly. Rose was still in her red dress which was wrinkled all in the back. Rose ignored her and ran upstairs to see Julie.

Mary Ellen said very frostily, "Have a nice night?"
He grinned. "Mom, get over it! I'm a married man now! Besides, I leave for Dallas tomorrow. It was just nice to get away by ourselves for the night!"
He went into the kitchen whistling. The Senator came in, his jeans dirty from working the horses. "Hey, Dad, thanks for understanding why we needed to get away for a night!"
The senator frowned. "That's OK, boy. But we got a....situation here." Billy Bob grabbed a couple beers and popped the top. He gave one to his dad.
J.R. washed his hands and said, "Boy, we need to talk in the den.You in a heap o' trouble, boy! Still!"
Billy Bob followed his dad into the den like a little boy about to be punished.
"What now? You saw the expenditures for those five new horses? Dad, I checked their bloodlines, they were impeccable!"
"The blackmailer has resurfaced."
And Billy Bob's blood ran hot. Again.

J.R. sat down and sighed. "You said the blackmailer was a woman, right?" "Yeah. Wanda Sue. Why?"
"Unless she is undergoing a sex change, a man called. He thought I was you and demanded half a million in a bank account under the name of...are you ready for this?....Clark Gable! Then a woman called with a real cultured voice but I knew it was fake because she said 'how do you like them apples?' or something like that!"
"Dad, what do I do? Rose and I had a terrific night, I don't want to screw it up!"
"You leave for Dallas tomorrow, right? So we tell the blackmailer you are out of town. It will buy us a little time until we can figure out where this blackmailer is."
"Is he and she still using the bigamist routine?"
The senator sighed. "Only way I can see out of this, boy, is to have your marriage to Rosamond annulled. I know you pulled a few strings to get it expedited but you just may have to have it deleted. It will be like your marriage to Rosamond never existed. In that case, you are not a bigamist. HOWEVER you are still married to that piece of trailer trash. You can then file for divorce under the grounds of abandonment. After that divorce is final, you will be free to remarry Rosamond which will be like the first marriage to her never existed. Follow me so far?"
Billy Bob grabbed his dad's arm. "I can't do that! I'm afraid if she sees a loophole, she may bolt!"
J.R. sighed. "If that is the case, do you really HAVE a marriage, boy?"

Rosamond kicked off her heels and slid out of her red dress. She padded in her stockingfeet to see Julie. She was sleeping. She rubbed her little back and Julie gave out little baby noises. My poor baby! she thought. Rosamond began to cry.
How could John do this to me? She didn't consider the fact that she had a husband that she had a physical relationship with cheating on John. It was so...complicated.
How can he go for someone so...tasteless? So....flashy? Someone who can't... accessorize? And he lied to me. Some things to do.

Rose wiped the tears from her face and dialed the phone.
"Hello?"
"Bethia! Oh, Bethia, I need to see you. I'm in trouble..."
"Rose! So soon? I thought Roger would have put you on the pill! Didn't you go for your six week checkup?..Who is the father, Billy Bob or John...?"
"Bethia! How stupid do you think I am? I need to talk to someone. Eleanor is out of the question, she has no sympathy and is quick to make a judgment. I need to verbally talk this problem out...oh, Bethia, it is the worst!"
Bethia said, "Well, start talking, girlfriend!"
"I...I can't over the phone. I have to take Billy Bob to the airport first thing tomorrow morning. Can you meet me at that new Bistro around 9:00 for breakfast? PLEASE! Don't tell anyone you are meeting me."
Bethia said, "Of course I can meet you, dear. Can you give me a hint of what it is?"
Rosamond started to cry over the phone. "No. No, I can't. I'll see you tomorrow." Click!.




THE OTHER HOUSE ON WINDING WILLOW LANE.......by Coralynn

Roger and Bethia are moving futniture around in the living room of their new house. "Whew, I'm bushed!" she flops down on the couch that's just half way across the room, not at its final destination.
Roger laughs and straigtens up from having placed boxes and boxes of books on the built-in shelves.
"We're too old for this!" he kids.
"Speak for yourself, Buster!" she gets up and throws herself into his arms. He falls back onto another couch.
"Ooohhhhh, you little minx!" he begins to tickle her as she struggles to extricate herself from atop.
When the laughter is spent, she becomes serious, "I'm meeting Rose tomorrow morning at the new Bistro in town. She said she has something important to tell me."
"Well now, what could it be?" Roger pretends to be comtemplative, putting his right index finger aside his nose. "Could she be pregnant again?"
"God, I hope not!!" Bethia exclaims, "She's had enough trouble with just one child......not that the child is a problem, the baby is a perfect treasure....but from the men who all want to claim paternity!"
"And pay child support for the next 18 to 21 years!" Roger pretends to be aghast.
"No, you silly," Bethia continues, "You know how Daniel insists he's the child's father, and why is beyond me. Does he think that if he were the father that Rose would marry him, heaven forbid!?"
"Now there's a guy I could learn to dislike in a big way!" Roger agrees. "I love it that Marilyn punches him out on a regular basis, too."
"She is the feisty one, isn't she? Who would have known? In all those movies she purrs like a kitten, but as a modern woman she is a tiger!"
Roger sits up straighter, which causes Bethia to slide onto the floor. She laughs and sits beside him.
"Whatever Rose wants to tell me, it's probably one of those 'don't tell anybody' confidences. You don't mind, do you?"
Roger shakes his head, "I never bought into that philosophy that a married couple has to tell every blasted thought that goes through their heads......to one another, that is......so don't concern yourself."
"Day after tomorrow is the shower!" Bethia muses aloud, "I so hope it goes well, not just for me, but for poor William who has never feted or even attended a party of any kind that didn't end disastrously. He keeps saying 'the media aren't invited, are they?'"
"Why would the media care about a wedding shower?" Roger asks.
"It's just one of those things......it always seems to happen," Bethia ponders, "Though I don't see that we are that wild and crazy and the media should give two figs about any of us, but then that's just my opinion!"
"Woman, you are indeed wild and crazy and beautiful and sexy and intelligent and all-round wonderful!"
Bethia fans her face with her left hand, "Watch it, you'll give me a big head! I'll start acting like a prima donna!"
He grabs her tightly and murmurs, "That will be the day!"


In the Big House on Winding Willow Lane, the inhabitants are busily wrapping the presents they've purchased for the shower.
Marilyn is having a terrible time getting a bread box wrapped. It keeps poking through the paper. She's gone through a couple rolls of it already, and exclaims, "I don't care what anyone says, this is an appropritate gift!! Hard as the devil to wrap, though!"

Eleanor comes over to help. "If we all gave her sexy lingerie, that would be too much of a good thing. Twenty presents all the same thing.......no......your idea is great, Marilyn."
Finally Marilyn has the box covered to her satisfaction; slaps a huge ribbon on the top and throws both hands up in the air, emulating someone who's just broken the tape at the end of a race.
"What's that!?" William asks as he returns his newspaper to the magazine rack and sits down.
"Wait and see!" Marilyn tells him. "What did you get for Beth and Roger? A new car? A trip around the world, what?"
"My goodness, those are expensive ideas you have there, but seriously, this is the first bona fide wedding of our group where both parties are willing and well suited to each other."
"Are you thinking of Rose?" Eleanor asks.
"Yes, who else? She will be here for the shower, right?"
"She wouldn't miss it for the world!" Marilyn exclaims, "Isn't that just too, too elegant?" she exclaims as she kicks off her shoes and hops up onto one of the seats with the lever on the side.


PARDON ME, VICTORIA.......is that a SHARPIE MARKER?..... by Terri

Billy Bob and J.R.walked down to the stables.
"What time do you leave tomorrow, boy?"
"I have an 8:00 AM flight but it leaves out of Westchester County Airport so Rose won't have to drive into the City. United to Chicago and then on to Dallas. I don't feel like flying myself down there so I'm going commercial. There's a seminar and then I thought I'd take a day and go to Austin and see Donna. Just for the day."
"Been a while since you've seen her, hasn't it?"
"Yeah, she didn't want to see me when she found out about the wedding. She's as uppity as Mom."
J.R. laughed. "Where do you think Donna learned it?"
They went into the stables to work the horses, with a newfound respect for each other.

Rosamond dressed Julie and was going shopping. She had to get a shower gift for Bethia. But what to get? A do-it-yourself divorce kit, just in case she may need it someday! A gift certificate for a private investigator to follow Roger around if he ever decides to stray. Some arsenic if she doesn't want to use the divorce kit. I know! A lo-jac that she can have installed in his neck like those Norplants birth control, the kind you have implanted under your skin! She can have it installed when he's asleep and then she can track his every move!
I suppose before too long we will hear the patterson of little feet! What did I just say?
Patterson? The Patterson of little feet?
I'd better stop at the Grand Union too. I know how Mama Montgomery likes Penelope and rye. Penelope? Penelope and rye? Pastrami! Pastrami and rye!
Rose sat down and looked out the window at the ranch. It's beautiful. I could learn to love it here. I suppose I do love Billy Bob. He can be wonderful except when he's being domineering and controlling which is at least 90% of the time.

She thought back to all the good times she had with John. How she met him in Southold and he rescued them from Rev. Jackson and Spencer. How she sneaked into the hot tub with him at the Plaza. Funny--Billy Bob wanted to sneak down there last night and I---I just couldn't! And John rescuing her not once but twice at Court.... New Orleans....the list went on and on. She tried hard not to cry. But she couldn't help it. She looked at her cellphone. Best to keep it turned off. That way I don't get the kiss-off phone call. She went downstairs, trying to sneak off before that snob of a mother-in-law saw her.
"Rosamond, where are you going?"
Rose sighed. "I have to go shopping for a shower gift and do a little grocery shopping."
Then Rosamond said hopefully, "Any phone calls for me?"
Mary Ellen said, "No, nary a one."
Rose teared up. He doesn't care. He's moved on. Well, he probably just saved himself fifty thousand dollars.
She got in the car and drove to the mall.
She put Julie in her stroller and finally found a beautiful nightgown and robe at Victoria's Secret. It was a pale peach with lace trim. Very elegant. Just like Bethia.
Bethia was the personification of sweetness. I just know she and Roger will have a wonderful life!
The salesclerk at Victoria's Secret said, "Mrs. Gwinnett! How wonderful to see you again!"
"Again?"
"Oh, Mrs. Gwinnett! We don't forget a good customer like you! I waited on you about a year ago...remember when you took that Sharpie marker and circled just about everything in the catalogue?...Oh! And what a beautiful baby! Guess all that lingerie and perfumes and bath products paid off!" The clerk laughed.
Rose had an idea. It was worth one final revenge on that cheater. She looked in her purse. "Darn it! I forgot my credit card. By any chance do you still have it on file?"
The salesclerk smiled. "I can look it up using your zip code and the last four digits of your social security!"
"REALLY! Well, the last four digits are...let's see....9725. That's my husband's."
"BINGO! Here's the account number!"
"REALLY! Miss.....Bradford? I say, do you have a Sharpie marker?"
Miss Bradford smiled and handed her one.
Rose smiled back and said, "Now, let me see a catalogue.....!"


John tried Rose's cellphone every half hour. Still out of service. Just what the hell is going on? If I could get away with it, I'd drive out to that godforsaken ranch!
He came in where Eleanor was at the computer checking a bridal shower website and sat down in the chair next to her. He sighed heavily.
Eleanor, her eyes never leaving the screen, said, "What's she done NOW?"
"She doesn't answer the phone. That's not like her. El, something is wrong. Do you suppose something has happened to her? Like maybe she left Montgomery and is hiding?" He now sounded hopeful.
"John, use your head. If she left him, where would be the first place he would look?
Here. Maybe her cellphone is broken. Out of juice."
John picked up his fifth cellphone of the month. "Good thing I keep spares."
No reply.
"Eleanor, be a lamb and call for me. Please?"
Eleanor sighed. "OK, but I'll probably get that witch in law. What's she like?"

John said, "She's small and blonde--hair done up. Nice looking woman, but then so is Nightshade. Pretty but deadly. She's the kind of woman you would find at a DAR meeting. Winthrop Society. If she only knew that I was a charter member. The original!" He laughed. "Well, she doesn't look where she's going, that's for sure. If she did, she would be on a plane to Texas and I could spend the week with Rose. Is Montgomery really going to Dallas?"
"That's what Rosamond said."
"Maybe she could get away and stay here. Or we could shack up at the beach for a week, just the two of us and the baby."
Eleanor touched his hand. "Don't get your hopes up, dreamer! OK, hand me the phone!" Eleanor called the Montgomery ranch.
"Hello?" a man answered.
"Hello, this is Eleanor. Is Rosamond there by any chance?" NOT Montgomery, she mouthed to John.
"Just a minute, I'll check!" J.R. covered the mouthpiece and yelled, "Hey, son, where's your wife?"
Billy Bob yelled back. "Spending money! Guess she's at the mall!"
"Little lady, I guess she's on a shopping spree. Want to leave a message?"
"Yes, please tell her to call Eleanor. She has the number."
"OK, sweetheart, will do!"

John looked bewildered at Eleanor. "If she goes shopping, she calls me so I can at least meet her at the mall and see the baby. What is going on, Eleanor?"
Eleanor shrugged. "Don't know. But you can find out tomorrow at the shower."
John threw his phone against the wall.
Eleanor just looked at him and held up six fingers.
John snapped, "Like I care! I have cellphone insurance!"

Rosamond came home laden with packages. Billy Bob was sitting in his office going over invoices and paying bills.
"Hey, Sugah, buy out the store?"
"Just a few things I needed. Bethia's shower is tomorrow. I got her a few nice things at Victoria's Secret and stopped at an antique store and picked up a beautiful antique jewelry box. It's from England, 1650." He continued to write checks and look over his papers. "Good...good. Buy some things for yourself?"
She smiled to herself. "Yes, I bought some things at Victoria's Secret. I'll model them for you later."
He looked up and smiled. "Just send me the bill!"
She said, "It's been taken care of!" With someone else's money, she thought.
Bet Penelope Patterson would look fat in these! Bimbo had too big hips. No chest.
Probably has to wear a padded bra and stuff it with kleenex! Ha! I can just see John coming up with a handful of tissue!
"Oh, by the way, someone named Eleanor called for you. Who is she?"
"Someone who wants me on a committee at the country club. Something about a June Midsummer Night's Eve dance."
Billy Bob said, "Well, you'd know about that, right?! Are you going to help out?"
Rose got a look on her face. "Maybe. I don't know."
She was remembering that it was a Midsummer Night's Eve feast that fate took a hand in and led her to Henry II.
Rose went up to her room. She had handed Julie to Juanita. Juanita was now officially hired as Julie's nanny. Juanita moved into the maid's quarters on the third floor. She may as well, as often as Billy Bob wants to go out. And it WAS convenient having Juanita around. Billy Bob gave her a generous salary, too.

Rose went through her purchases. Bras, panties, garter belts, sheer stockings wih seams,slingback pumps with five inch heels, that wonderful bath oil Victoria makes, all courtesy of John Gwinnett! He sure looked cozy talking to that Pastrami person! Well, she may have John but I have his first child. A small comfort on a cold night. She brushed that thought out of her mind.

Dinner went uneventful and later that night, Rose sat on the bed and watched as Billy Bob packed for his trip tomorrow.
"Sure will miss you, hon, but I won't have a minute to spare. I can squeeze a day in to see Donna. And I may go to Sundown to see Grandpere Pierre."
Rose said, "Well, definitely count me out! I don't want to be called a slut in his Creole tongue!"
Billy Bob sighed. "Hope Donna is in a good mood. She's alot like Mom. Personality wise. Looks like the DuPre side of the family though." Rose said, "It's funny--you have the DuPre personality and look like the Gwinnetts, Donna acts like the Gwinnetts but looks like the DuPres. That's what your dad said."
"Yeah, Donna is a looker but she IS a witch with a capital B sometimes! Did you know Bobby Joe used to date her?"
"NO! What happened?"
"She met Lyle. He was in college and had money and prospects. Bobby Joe just wanted to drive his pickup and drink beer and smoke pot! Like I used to! Used to get our pot from a guy named Slim. Wonder what ever happened to him....?"

The next morning, Rose took Billy Bob to the Westchester County Airport. "This is so much easier than LaGuardia or JFK!" Rose said.
Billy Bob got his luggage out of the back seat. "I'll be late tonight with the seminar. They are covering 'Artificial Insemination and Why It is Better Than the Real Thing'.
Yeah, tell that to Tom Lucas' mare and Merovin!" He touched his shoulder and winced. Rosamond asked, "Still bothering you?"
"I'll survive!" He had an e-ticket and checked in. Rosamond walked him to the gate.
"Have a safe trip!" she said.
He drew her close to him. "Sugah, I don't know what's happened lately, but it sure is nice when we get along!" He hugged her. She thought, Penelope Pattterson happened, that's what!
Billy Bob tilted her chin up and kissed her. He headed down the ramp and turning around, said, "Shall I say hi to Donna for you?" He grinned.
She gave him a little wave and said, "Don't bother!" With that he was gone.
Rosamond checked her watch. "Eight o'clock. I'll head over to the Bistro and wait for Bethia."
When she pulled in, she saw the huge Dodge truck. Oh, great, Mr. Skinny is here. Maybe Bethia can meet me somewhere else...she dialed Bethia's cellphone but just got her voicemail. Darn it!
Rose sighed and walked in the door. Slim looked up. "....and out of nowhere comes sunshine!"
Rose wrinkled her nose and sat in a booth in the back.
Slim got up and ambled over. Oh, great! Rose thought. He sat down. "Hey, 'Laura'--want to have my children?"
Rose picked up a menu. "No."
"Well, hell, let's just practice!"
Rose ignored him.
"Come on, 'Laura'! We can go halves on a bastard!"
Rose threw her menu down. "Don't you have a rock you have to crawl under?"
He leaned over and said, "I just checked my calendar. I can have you pregnant by Arbor Day!" He laughed.
Rose said, "Waitress!"
Slim stood up. "I'm going...I'm going! But you haven't seen or heard the last of me, 'Laura'!"
Rose just shook her head in disbelief. Come on, Bethia! I need to talk to you!
At that minute, Bethia walked in. She turned around.
"Where did HE come from? And where do you get a monstrosity like that to drive? IF you can drive it!"
Bethia took one look at the misery in Rosamond's face, grabbed her hand and said, "Ok, girlfriend! Start talking!"


LIKE A DAGGER THROUGH THE HEART........by Terri

The waitress came bustling over.
"What will you have?"
Rose ordered tea and an English muffin, Beth ordered coffee and French toast.
They made small talk until the waitress brought their food. Bethia looked concerned as her friend just nibbled hers.
"Rosamond, you're losing weight. Your face looks thinner."
"I--I haven't been able to eat much in the last few days. Oh, Bethia, he's cheating on me!" she wailed.
"Montgomery? I should think you would be relieved..."
"NO! John!"
"Oh, Rosamond, don't be ridiculous! You light that man's fire like no one else can!"
"Maybe at one time, but there's a new barbequer in town and she's come equipped with her own charcoal and lighter! And she's shish ke-babing my baby's father!"
"That's impossible! John and I are as close as two friends can be. If he had an attraction for another woman, believe me, he's so honest I think he would have confided in me. He can't keep a secret for very long. What are you basing this on?"

"My husband and I met his cousin Jameson for dinner at that new restaurant, Chez Pierre the other night. I didn't want to go. Turns out the new owner is Jameson. About fifteen minutes after we are seated, who comes struttin' in but Marty and Barbara Henshaw and John. And John is not alone--far from it! He has this overmade floozy with 'junk in the trunk'.."

" 'Junk in the trunk'?"
"A big butt. No chest. She probably had tissue stuffed in her B-cups! He never saw me but believe me, I got an eyeful! She was all over him like stink on a monkey! John was dressed pretty GQ. Had the nerve to wear the tie I bought him! She had her fat fingers on it..."
"You could tell her fingers were fat from a distance?" Bethia was fascinated.
Rose looked at her. "Is anything I am saying getting through to you, Bethia? Hello?
HELLO? Look, I'm sorry to drag you into this but I have no one else to talk to. El, much as I love her, would be judgemental. Marilyn would just tell me to go over to him and rack his...."
"Rosamond!"
"Well, she would!"
"OK. so you saw him with another woman. Did you ever consider the fact that it could have been a perfectly harmless business dinner? "
"I did at first. But then I ran into Miss Pastrami Patterson in the ladies' room."
"Pastrami? Is that really her name? She must be Italian...."
"Bethia, are these wedding plans crowding out the common sense you were always known for? Her real name is Penelope Patterson and I struck up a conversation with her in the powder room."
"How did you manage that?" Bethia leans her chin on her and and is mesmerized by this discourse.
"I told her my name was Anastacia Osgood and I wanted to know what our clientele was like. She made it very clear that she was with John and that they were a couple. That she was my replacement in the soap and my replacement otherwise. I actually saw John laughing at something she said!"
"Why didn't you call him the next day and ask for an explanation?"
"Because I wasn't home. I--I was spending the night at the Plaza!"
Bethia sat back and whistled. "Pretty high class! What brought that about?"
Rosamond blushed slightly. "Billy Bob is in Dallas for a week. He--he just wanted some time alone with me!"
"And you brought your sleeping pills with you! Clever girl!"
"Bethia, those aren't the kind of things you keep in your purse like your car keys!"
"Well, then how did you get out of.....? Oh."

"What was I to do? Miss Fat Butt left me in the bathroom and took her place--which should have been MY place, I might add---right at John's side. Oh, and get this! She had her hand on his thigh! Ran her hand up and down his arm! If that's not a definite invite, I don't know what is!"
"How would you know that?"
"Because I used the same trick on Billy Bob!" Rose blurted out and then covered her mouth.
Bethia shook her head. "Well, no wonder your husband got the wrong idea. I don't get you, Rose. You seem surprised when your husband puts the moves on you. I'm glad Roger and I have an uncomplicated relationship."
Rose said, "Do you want to hear the rest of the story or don't you?"
"Of course!"
"I checked my voicemail and he left me a message saying he had a few things to do and would talk to me tomorrow. Bethia, he LIED to me!"
Bethia said, "John and El have been talking quite a bit this last two days. Do you suppose he confided in her?"
"Doubtful. If he didn't confide in you, he'd confide in William. But he wouldn't because he wouldn't want to hear what William would say."
"Did you try to call him the next day?"
"I--I didn't get out of the Plaza until noon. What? I should let him give me the deep six over a cellphone?"
Bethia said, "What are you going to do, Rosamond?"
Rose ran her fingers through her hair and fiddled with her hoop earring. "I don't know but it is pretty clear that John is thinking of moving on. He probably wants to save 50,000.00. He'll scoot and I'll be held over for torture."
"Why don't you talk to him when you see him at the shower? I'm sure there is a logical explanation for it."
"What do you think he will say, 'Sorry honey, I found someone else? Someone available?' Oh! And get this! Daniel is threatening me on the cellphone, too.
Demanding to see the baby. Called me a few names. Why does he insist on torturing me?"
Bethia frowned. "Because you are the unattainable. Like that girl in the white T-bird in 'American Graffiti'. And because you are the woman his brother is in love with."
Rose drank her tea and said, "Well, tip him off about Pastrami Patterson."

After Rosamond paid the bill. they walked outside.
Rose said, "I have to go to the cleaners and pick up my cashmere pullover. I plan to be devastatingly beautiful tonight! I just came from the airport. Delivered my husband there and he is in Dallas." She sighed. "What a time for this to happen!"
Bethia smiled. "Rose, you have more entanglements than a spider's web. I'm glad Roger is steady and wonderful..."
Rosamond laughed, "And a doctor!"
Then Rosamond got quiet. "PLEASE don't say anything to ANYONE, Bethia! I would be so humiliated!"
"But Rose, what are you going to do? He IS Julie's father!"
Rosamond's voice had an edge to it. "Not according to the law."
Bethia said softly, "Be careful, Rosamond. Don't jump to any conclusions."
Rose headed for her car. "It should be awkward having to walk down the aisle with him at your wedding. Oh, don't look at me like that, Bethia! I intend to see you have the happiest day of your life! You deserve it!" With that Rosamond got in her car and burned out.
Bethia watched her and said softly to herself, "Be young, be foolish....but be happy! For goodness sakes, Rosamond---be happy. But be happy with John."

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