Fake It? Well, I'll Have What She's Having!...by Terri

It was late in the afternoon. John and Rosamond were playing with the baby in the bed. Rose sighed. "I guess I have to get going. I have to at least look like I am starting dinner. Maybe if I screw it up he'll get mad and go outside to the barn and pout."
Julie stared up at John with her blue eyes. He kissed her softly and played with her hands. "Rose, when will she be ready for pattycake and peekaboo?"
Rosamond laughed. "Not until she can sit up and laugh. Enjoy her the way she is now, John. She'll grow up soon enough."
"Well, she's going to be a real heartbreaker. Like her mother."
"Well, let's hope she makes a better choice than her mother did."
An hour later Rosamond and John were saying goodbye. They walked to the door together. Rosamond held him close and kissed him. "Darling, are you sure this is the only way to handle this blackmailer?"
"Rose, there IS no other way. Not unless you want Montgomery to shoot me full of holes."
"It's weird, Billy Bob has been getting strange phone calls, too. You don't think there is a connection, do you? No, that would be just TOO weird."
John locked the door behind him. "Call me sometime tomorrow. I don't know when it is safe to call you. Rose--be careful."
Rosamond kissed her fingers and pressed it to John's lips. "You too, my love."

Well, babydoll, everyone knows that black is a very slimming color. There! Look like a catburgler now. Just cram this red hair under this ski cap. Just in case that vacuous simp decides to come outside and can't find the doorknob. Imagine not being able to read. Where was she during Alice and Jerry, Spot and Muffy or Fluffy or whatver the hell that damn cat was named.
Babydoll, this car better start. It started all right. But the window was down. When Susan went to roll it up, the crank came off in her hand. She threw it over her shoulder into the back seat. It landed in a Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket.
Well, babydoll, they cleared out. Susan sneaked around the side of the house and got Slim's SlimJim out. She slipped it in between the door and the jamb and Voila!
Hey, babydoll, smell that? The tramp must have just left. I can still smell her perfume.
Well, when your cashcow comes through, babydoll, you'll be able to afford that imitation Giorgio by the gallon! Let's see, babydoll, what's on the tape in the bedroom? Well, what have we here? A black lace teddy? Hmmm-the label says 'Victoria's Secret'. Let's see, if I hold it up to me, will it fit?....huh! Who cares anyways! She stuffed it into her bag. Never know when it may make its way in a little care package to hubby! She deftly reached behind the nightstand. Well, the tape is over two hours worth used up. Well, they sure spent some time in here! She retrieved the tape from behind the couch. Well, let's see what is in the refridgerator. Hmm, something called Mer-lot. Too bad it's not Ripple. Now there's some hooch! Oh, why not? She took the bottle and went to her car. Hey whaddayaknow? It started up!
As she pulled away, she didn't see the oil spot as big as a manhole cover.

John came in the back door. Bethia was peeling carrots and chopping onions for beef stew. He sat down and ran his hands through his hair. "It just gets harder and harder to leave them, Bethia. I can't stand this. Daniel was rough enough but this woman is like an entity. I can't see her, I don't know where she is."
Bethia sat across from him and kissed him on the head. "Hang in there, John. That's all I can say."

Rosamond put the baby in the bassinet and started dinner. The roux for the sauce stuck to the pan and burned. The chicken burned, too. The water for the potatoes burned off and the potatoes stuck to the pot. She took the potholders, threw the pot in the sink and turned the water on. Billy Bob came in the back door.
"Hi. How was the seminar?"
"Mmmm! Very interesting." He picked up the lid off the chicken. "What pray tell was this in a former life?"
"Well, it was supposed to be Coq Au Vin but I guess I burned it."
Billy Bob lost his temper. "How many dinners have you burned this week, darling?
Five? Six?"
Rosamond lost her temper too. "Well, how about you let ME go to the seminars and you stay home and cook the dinners and nurse the baby?"
"Well, I coudn't do any worse, could I? What is so hard about it? A man comes home and expects a hot home-cooked meal!
"Well why don't you just...."
The door slammed. ".....sleep in the barn tonight?"
Rosamond threw the pan against the wall. The phone rang. "Hello!" she yelled.
Over the receiver she heard, "...believes that she is his daughter?..."
".....give you a divorce..."
"decided I'm going to pay up..."
"...shut up and kiss me..."
Then what Rosamond heard next made her heart drop to her feet. There was no mistaking THAT! She dropped the receiver and hastily picked it up. Her blood turned to ice. A low growl came over the receiver. "Heard enough, bitch? Oh, there's lots more. LOTS more. Unmistakable what is going on. Here is a little thought for you to go to sleep on. You never know when I am going to call. Or what will come over the phone. You'd better pray YOU are the one to pick up the phone. Because I sure would hate to be in your shoes if your husband ever heard it. Unless he changed his name to John. Goodnight, 'Barbie'! "
Click!

Rosamond sat down at the table and stared at the wall. What am I going to do? Her face turned white as a sheet. If Billy Bob ever finds out....she shuddered, it was too horrible to imagine. How can somebody be that demented? And how did she get...THAT on tape? Was the house bugged? Are we being followed?

Billy Bob came into the house and said, "I'm sorry, Rose. I had no right to yell at you like I did. Obviously cooking is not your forte. But honey, please, can you at least TRY? I'm not asking for something fancy like Coq au Vin or Beef Wellington. But how hard can beef stew or oven-baked chicken be? That low-fat no-fat is getting hard to chew. I need some real food! Look, if I'm home, I'll even help. I'll do the potatoes! OK? OK? Can we kiss and make up?"
Rose burst out crying and couldn't stop. Billy Bob walked over to her and put his arms around her. He rocked her like a child. "Aw, honey, it's not so bad."
Billy Bob glanced over at the phone on the kitchen wall, looking at it like it was a time bomb about to go off. Rose was sobbing on his shoulder and looking at the phone in the living room for the same reason. He said softly, "Any more calls?"
Rose shook her head. "I unplugged it after you went to the barn. I didn't want anyone at all calling us."
"Good idea. I have a bit of news for you."
"What?" she sniffed. "Another dozen horses?" He handed her a tissue. "No. My father is coming up for a visit for a few days. He's invested in some of these horses and he wants to check it out. Also he wants to meet you and see his little granddaughter. His legacy, he called her. I know I should have talked it over with you first but I called him when I was out at the barn. One thing led to another and he said he's flying in here day after tomorrow."
Rose was so eager to appease her husband that she would have agreed to anything.
"No, that's fine. What does he like to eat?"
Billy Bob burst out laughing. "Well, I can tell you he doesn't like burnt Coq au Vin! Don't worry about it, he's a steak and potatoes man. I am surprised his arteries aren't clogged. The man is in perfect health. Now dry your tears and let me make an omelette. Have you eaten?"
"I--I'm not hungry. I had yogurt earlier."
"Well, honey, you will waste away to nothing. Why don't you put Julie down and go on upstairs? I'll be up in a few minutes." He kissed her gently.
She nodded and took the baby upstairs.
"I won't be long." he called out.

Billy Bob sat there eating his omelette. Damn, why did I have to call the old man?
There was no other way. He's used to this kind of stuff. He still recalled the old man's blistering words. He reflected back on the conversation.
"Dad, I have a....situation here."
"What is it, boy? Didn't knock up another filly, did you? Boy, didn't I warn you...?"
"No, Dad, nothing like that. I--I'm being blackmailed."
"BLACKMAILED? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? DIDN'T I ALWAYS TELL YOU TO COVER YOUR TRACKS?"
Billy Bob held the phone away from his ear. "Dad, will you listen to me for a minute?
It's nothing current. Do--do you remember Wanda Sue Skaggs?"
"What, that little tramp that you up and married because she told you she was pregnant? The one you slid over the county line and married? Didn't even stop to ask her if it was yours, did you? Oh, no, you went right ahead and married her without talking it over with me. Just showed up at the house with that piece of trash and a marriage license. It took your grandfather to get that thing through the courts pronto. Private embarrassment, could have been public! So the divorce was nice and legal. your grandfather, ruthless bastard that he is, we put that ruthlessness to good use, got it expunged from the courthouse records. So what's the problem?"

Billy Bob sighed. "She's causing trouble from Texas. She never signed the papers. I called Stan Bechnel and he looked, said she never filed OR signed them. I just may be a bigamist, Dad."
"A BIGAMIST? Hell, boy, you're in a heap of trouble! Now, I have to bail you out of this mess now? Didn't I always say that Wanda Sue was a piece of trailer trash? Well, how much does she want?"
"One hundred thousand dollars."
"Where's she at?"
"Texas."
"I'll put some good old boys on her trail. See what they can find out. Bigamist! Damn fool! You know what the tabloids would do with this? Hell, boy, I'm up for re-election.
Your mama will die of shame! Didn't I tell you to get yourself a nice Texas lawyer? But no, you had to go with that fancypants lawyer in N'Awlins that your grandfather uses. Well, boy, I'm gonna come up there day after tomorrow. See what we can do. Unplug your phone meanwhile. Don't answer it until I can figure out what to do. See where we are. 'Bout time I met your wife anyways and see what sort of breeding stock she is."

Billy Bob sighed. "Dad, she's not a broodmare. She's my wife. Very old English family. Royalty descended."
"She's not one of them bleeders, is she?"
Billy Bob sighed again. "No, Dad, she's not."
"Well, gotta see that little filly she whelped. "Bout time I see a new Montgomery around. Yes sir, gonna see that happen before I die! Good stock, my legacy. See you on Friday, boy. Don't worry, we'll bail out of this one. Can't ruin your political career before it starts."
Billy Bob sighed. All I wanted was a ranch and a yard full of young 'uns. Now hell is all I catch.
He scraped his omelette into the garbage, finished his beer and headed up the stairs to Rosamond.


THE PHONE AS TORTURE IMPLEMENT.......by Coralynn

John is just finishing breakfast when the phone rings.
"I'LL get it!" he yells. Just in case it's that maniac from Texas, oh please let it not be her!
He lifts the receiver on the 2nd ring, "Hello."
That infuriating crisp female voice again asks, "Is this John Gwinett I'm speaking to?"
"YES! What of it?"
"I have something you may be very, very interested in hearing, Johnny boy."
The damning tape of what he and Rosamond said to each other the night before in the blue house came clearly over the phone line.
Before it had gone on more than 20 seconds, he yelled into the receiver, "Who is this and why are you doing this?"
"Did you send the 50 thou?" the voice dropped low again.
"Yes, it's on the way to your bank! Why don't you leave me alone? I did what you said!"
"Ohhhh, but another 50 thou would be even better. Send it or Montgomery hears this tape. I have a copy of it all packaged up with his address on it. How'd you like that, pretty boy?"

John slams the phone down in her ear.

Bethia is entering the kitchen and sees the stricken look on John's face.
"More bad news?" she asks gently.
He motions for her to come close so he can tell her in a quiet voice, "This bimbo now has a tape of Rose and I which she must have gotten by bugging the upstairs flat at the blue house. She wants another 50 thousand dollars. She can't be in Texas if she bugged the flat. She has to be someone local, but who??"
Bethia shakes her head, "Are you going to send her the money?"
"What else can I do?"
"There must be a way to track this woman down, there must be, there has to be!" Bethia is getting that steely determination look on her face.
John reaches over and takes her hand and whispers, "You're a good friend, Beth. The best!"
She replies, "Anything you need me to do to help, just say the word."

Across town 'Susan' is laughing hysterically.
Well, babydoll, you have all three of them spinning in the wind, and you are about to become a rich woman, a rich woman indeed! Wait till Montgomery finds out that his next installment is going to be a cool half million. With that much, I can split for California.

She looks at the clock, "Oh'ma'God, I'm late for work!" she grabs a light jacket and runs out of the apartment, gets into her car and cranks the motor.
She hears something metalic drop onto the pavement, "Just a bolt, big deal."
As she pulls away from the curb, the springs in the driver's seat go 'boiiing' and one pokes her backside. She reaches back and tries to force the spring back into its original position, but the fabric is torn now and it won't budge. She grabs an old phone book that she carries around with her (the better to look up new victims if needs be) and slides that under her. Well, hell, now she's sitting up so high her head in grazing the car roof. She pulls out the thick phone book, rips it in half, congratulates herself on her strength, shoves one of the halves under her and drives off. She reaches the corner and slams on the left-hand signal indicator but it comes off in her hand. She tosses it into the back seat, sticks her arm straight out the window instead, and drives on.


Sex, Lies and POLAROIDS!....by Terri

Rosamond woke after a fitful night's sleep. The baby actually slept through the night.
She extricated herself from Billy Bob's arm that was flung across her. She slid down and out the side of the bed. Quietly she headed for the shower. The hot water felt good on her taut skin. Her nerves were raw and she was sore from holding herself so stiff during the night. All this trouble with this 'babydoll'. Rose's face went hot with embarrassment. She dried herself off and grabbed her robe. As she quietly moved through the bedroom, Billy Bob stirred. "Ummm? What are you doing up so early?
Why don't you come back to bed?" he mumbled in his sleep. She leaned over and kissed him gently on the ear. "Can't sleep, I've got to go down and make a pot of coffee and go over some cookbooks so I can cook a decent meal for your father."
She slipped downstairs and looked at the clock. Eight o'clock. I'd better leave that phone unplugged. She reached for her cellphone and dialed John's number.
Bethia answered. "Bethia, I need to talk to John. Please, it's an emergency."
Bethia said quietly, "And HOW you need to talk to him. He's a mess, Ro'. He's received a really disturbing phone message."
Rose started to cry. "Please, Beth. I NEED him!"
Bethia handed the phone to John.
"Rose, are you OK?"
"NO, I'm NOT OK. I got a recording of...of..of..."
John said quietly, "I got it too. She's threatening to send it to Montgomery."
"She WHAT?"
"I paid her 50,000 dollars and she is demanding another 50,000 or she will turn that tape over to him. Ro', we can't let that happen."
"But how..how...how?" she sobbed.
"Obviously she bugged the room."
"What did I ever do to make her hate me so much? I don't even know who she is, John! We--we can't see each other for a while. Not until she thinks this is over."
"Not see each other! Rose, are you crazy? That's the only thing that keeps me going!"
Rosamond is sobbing, close to hysteria by this time. "Please! PLEASE! Don't call me! It's for your own good."
Click!
"Rose? ROSE!! DON'T YOU DARE HANG UP ON ME!"
John banged the phone on the table and then sent it flying across the room with every expletive he could think--noun, verb and adjective.
Bethia frowned. "Calm down, John."
"Calm down? CALM DOWN? Montgomery is married to the woman I love, raising MY child, I can't even see them, and you want me to CALM DOWN? HELL NO I WON"T CALM DOWN!"

Rosamond sat at the table, head down on folded arms and crying. Billy Bob came down with Julie in his arms. "Hey, guess who wanted to see her mommy? Rose, what's the matter?"
"Oh, I guess it's post-partum depression, kicks in again at six weeks. Something to do with the drop in hormones. I'm really nervous about meeting your father. I mean, a powerful senator from Texas."

"Don't worry about him, honey. He's going to love you. After all, you gave him the next generation of Montgomerys. He's all het up on immortality of the family line, legacy, that stuff."
Rose took the baby from him. "I'll get your breakfast now."
Billy Bob said "Oh, no you don't. I've seen what you do to bacon. I'll grab some down at the cafe. I'm meeting Bobby Joe. Those horses are coming in today and he's helping me."

Bobby Joe was waiting for Billy Bob at the cafe. He was on his third cup of coffee when Billy Bob came in.
"Hey, Dude, you look terrible, face all drawn. You not been eating?"
Billy Bob sighed. "Rose can't cook worth a darn. I should send her to cooking school. So I've been grabbing stuff on the run. Omelettes at night."
Bobby Joe leaned over. "Woman that looks like that, who cares if she can cook? So what has you so bummed out besides lack of food?"
"The old man is flying in tomorrow."
Bobby Joe dropped his fork. "That august personage? Why? How?"
"BJ, I got a real bad feeling. Real bad. Remember that summer you and Carol Jo and Wanda Sue and I went to Corpus Christi for the weekend?"
"And how! How did we get away with it? We were only 16!"
"Remember Wanda Sue had that polaroid?"
"Yeah, so?"
Billy Bob looked at him.
Bobby Joe said, "Holy cow! You are in deep...."
"Yeah, don't I know it? She hasn't done anything yet, I'm hoping those pictures dissolved like polaroids tend to do. Or maybe they got lost in a flood...Or maybe in a fire...."

Bobby Joe said behind his coffee cup. "If she saved that one from the beach, what do you think the chances of her losing the other ones?"
"Slim to none. Dad is already harping about a political career for me. He envisions the Montgomerys as the next Kennedys. So far she hasn't made any more demands. I unplugged the phone until Dad comes here and can advise me. Somehow I have to make sure those divorce papers get in the court system and are backdated. He might have to call in a few markers. Is he ever pissed!"
Bobby Joe said, "I'd wish you luck. Because I think you're gonna need it."

Bethia pulled up at the ranch and rang the bell. Rose answered the door and flung her arms around Bethia.
"I can't think of anyone I'd rather see right now than you, Beth!"
Bethia went to the bassinet and picked up Julie. "Rose, she's just the sweetest thing I've ever seen. I see alot of John in her now. I can't wait until Roger and I have our own! Which brings me to one reason why I am here. By the way, you look awful, honey!"

"I feel awful. I suppose John filled you in on what's been happening?"
Bethia turned red. "Yes. And believe me, it wasn't easy for him to tell me! John and I have a special friendship, Rose. He's like a brother to me and he thinks of me as his little sister. He confides in me. I guess it's because we go back....WAY back. Three hundred fifty years back. And we were neighbors. The Mallorys and the Gwinetts lived right next door to each other and we grew up together. I love you both and I will do whatever I can to help. You can count on me. You two deserve to be together after all you've been through."
Rose teared up. "I don't deserve a good friend like you, Beth."
Beth gave her a hug. "Sure you do. If it weren't for me not telling you about Daniel, you and John would most likely be together."
Rose laughed bitterly,"Yes, but would we have Julie? It was my going on my vengeance shopping trip and ending up at the Dew Drip Inn that brought us together that night. That and a bottle of brandy!"
"Drop"
"What?"
"Drop. You said Drip."
"Whatever."
"Which brings me to another reason why I'm here. Roger and I set the date for June 28th. I want you in my wedding party. Eleanor is maid of honor on account of Jerry being best man. John is in the wedding too. So I guess you will be paired up with him. Can you handle it? Can Billy Bob?"

Rose set her jaw. "He'll have to. I'm not missing your wedding or the opportunity to be in it. He'll deal with it. Count me in, Beth."
Beth gave her a hug. "We'll see this through, Rose. You'll see! I have to go to the Grand Union. Want to come?"
"Definitely. The dog goes through dog food like it's going out of style. And Julie and I need to get out. Let me get her ready."

Rosamond put Julie in her car seat in the back of Bethia's car and then sat in the front. Bethia expertly pulled out onto the highway.
Rosamond said, "So how is everyone? I really miss coming downstairs to breakfast, seeing William in his straw hat, Eleanor making pancakes, I even miss Daniel and John duking it out on a regular basis."
"Well, you missed a doozy the other day. Marilyn and Luke hang out together over at Henry's. Marilyn is teaching them 'torch songs' and doing quite well. You should see her do the old Peggy Lee number, 'Fever'. I swear, Luke's temp goes up to 105 degrees!"

Rose laughed but her heart wasn't in it.
She looked out the window. "What sort of pervert would tape us and then threaten me with it? She didnt' ask me for money. I think it's a personal thing with her. Now I find out that Billy Bob had a tattoo that said 'babydoll' when he was a kid. It's lasered off now, but I wonder..."
Bethia's mouth was set tight. "So do I."
They pulled into the Grand Union. Rose put Julie in her carrier and into a cart.
Rose whispered to Bethia, "There's that clerk over there--'Red' I call her. She is so weird. Looks at me funny. Like she knows stuff about me."
Bethia and Rosamond walked down the aisles. Beth looked at her friend.
It's taking its toll on her..the whole thing, the blackmail, the marriage, the....I don't want to call it an affair but what else is it, technically? John and Rosamond belong together. Has it really been two years? When I saw them asleep on the couch that night, surrounded by popcorn kernels and the TV still on, they looked so sweet. Like a little newlywed couple. I hope it stays like that for Roger and me. Roger! I can't believe my good fortune!" Bethia began to get the warm and fuzzies inside.

As they approached the checkout line, Susan called out, "Over here--no waiting!"
Rose groaned inward but steered her cart over there. "Well, Hi again, Mrs. Montgomery. How's that handsome husband of yours?"
"You know him?"
Bad move, Susan.
"Oh! Oh, yes, he was in here not too long ago and bought Pampers. A big strong handsome guy like that you don't forget! And you know right off he's married. No single man buys baby diapers! Wow! Beef is on sale! I'll have to get some."
Rose frowned. Is she being particularly chatty or is it my imagination?
"Aw, and there's the little one! My, she's growing. She looks just like her daddy! You look kind of peaked, though, dear. Better get to a tanning salon!"
"Thanks, I will."
Bethia checked out and Susan made similar chitchat.
As they wheeled their carts out the door, Rose felt an icy chill run up her spine.
She turned around and there was Susan, just staring at her retreating back.
No, it's just my imagination. That's all it is.

Enjoy it now, honey, because it's all about to crash in on you. Good thing I went to that do-it-yourself photo machine in the mall and got copies made of those pictures.
Couldn't very well take it to a regular photo store, now, could I? Something about obscenity laws. Wonder what the tabloids would say? So tonight I run out to their ranch and slip this envelope with the picture under his windshield wiper. THAT ought to get his blood boiling! Maybe it will gun his motor! And Mrs. Montgomery will be thanking me in the morning! Oh, do I have alot to tell Slim! Better call him tonight, catch him up to speed!
When her shift ended, she ambled over to the Falcon. As she got in, she noticed that her window was fogged. She turned on the wipers and they flew off in all directions.
One flew east and was never seen again. One flew west and pierced the convertible top of that Lexus over there. Aw, ain't that a shame? And she was gone in a puff of blue smoke. The pimply faced bag boy gathering carts started coughing and muttered, "I'm melting! I'm melting! Witch!"


What do you do with an UNEMPLOYED HIGHWAYMAN?...by Coralynn

Rafe is restless. There's nothing to do in this century. I thought it might have something exciting about it, but haven't seen anything yet.
Bess and Marthy spend most of their time together, in fact Marthy is trying to talk Bess into modeling clothes for Behia, like she does. Pshaw!! Silly women!
He sees 'Susan' arrive home and peers out the window at her. Hmmmmmmm, now, that woman must have some money on her. She has a job; she goes to work every day. Let me see what I can do here.
Rafe sneaks out the front door and approaches Susan from the back as she is about to open the door that goes to the stairs.
He pulls out his knife and grabs her, placing the blade against her throat.
Somehow the wench manages to kick her leg backwards and connect with his groin.
"Awoooooooeeeeee!" he screams, falling on the grass.
She comes over to where he is writhing in pain and begins to kick him all over. No part of his anatomy is safe from her relentless kicking.
He tries to crawl toward the front door, but his progres is slow. If he attempts to stand, she kicks him back down again. This is not what I had in mind, he seethes. Well, just wait, I'll get you yet!
Susan marches to the stairs and goes up rapidly, letting herself into her apartment.
Rafe, bloody and bruised, manages to get to the front door and reach up for the bell.
Marthy and Bess both see him as they open the door,
"Well, and what have you been up to, you good for nothing?" Bess yells at him.
He staggers inside. So much for true love, he thinks, this Bess is done, all done plaiting a red love knot into her long black hair!

Rafe holds an ice pack to his head, then to his bruised arm. I need about 20 of these things, he thinks, All because of that wench upstairs. I must get back at her.....no one humiliates The Highwayman and gets away with it. I have an image to maintain!!
He hears footsteps going back down the staircase, and peeks out the window to make sure it's that witch upstairs. Sure enough!
He hears her car door slam, the outside handle falling off in the street from the violent slamming. He hears the motor cough, sputter, then finally catch, and sees black smoke barrel out of the back, accompanied by a huge roaring sound.
The car finally leaves.
"OK, Rafe, you old devil, it's time to see what that witch has in her apartment that may be worth taking. Ahhhh yes, who knows what treasures may await me upstairs?"

Jack isn't home......Jack is in college learning technology, whatever that is. He doesn't have much in common with the other man, who spends most of his time with his nose in one book or another.
Marthy and Bess are in the bedroom trying on clothes. They'll never miss him, not like either of them cares!
Bess has been cool to him since their arrival in this new place. Cool is turning to cold, too. Well, what did she expect? I'm a Highwayman, not a farmer, not a merchant, I mean, she knew who I was! Why is she now being so hateful to me? I know, I'll steal some clothes for her. That witch upstairs wears some mighty fine threads, I'll get me some of them!"

He rummages around in the junk drawer in the kitchen for implements that may help him break into the upstairs apartment. Shoving them into a bag, he goes out the door and round to where the door to the stairs is located.
That door isn't locked, so he then proceeds up the stairs to her apartment door. He turns the knob. It opens!! Why doesn't she lock up, is she that insane? Must be. Insane and stupid. OK, you miserable wench, you are about to lose your treasures!

He goes into the bedroom and flings open the closet. Ohhhhh yeah, some of these are nice! He stuffs them into a bag. Looks in the dresser for jewels. Ooooooo, those are shiny, must be the real things! shoves them in as well.
This is a good haul, he congratulates himself as he leaves the bedroom and walks through the kitchen on the way to the door.
Just a minute!! What are those?? He sees tapes. I don't know what they are, but they look like something valuable. What's that little machine by them? Might as well take that as well. Ohhh yeah, this is a haul, this will put me in great with Bess. She'll look like a million dollars in that bright red number, and she'll know what to do with this little thing and the little machine, too. She's smart. If she doesn't know, Jack will. Jack is going to college so he knows everything!

He slams the door as he leaves and hurries back down the stairs, across the grass and into the door to his own place.
As he dumps his booty out on the table, Marthy and Bess are coming out of the bedroom.
"And just where did you get those? Bess asks angrily.
"These are for my true love," he smiles and holds out the bright red dress.
Bess looks around the room and quips, "Well, if you see her, let me know!" and leaves the room.
Rafe is bereft. Why does she treat me thusly? he asks himself. She used to love the trinkets I brought her back in 1777...she must have known how I came by them. But this Century has ruined everything!!


JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO ANSWER THE PHONE AGAIN....by Coralynn

"One more day till Dad gets here," Billy Bob groans, "I wonder what he wants this time, aside from meeting Rose and Julie. There has to be more. He must think it time I ran for some elected office. Politics, all the in the family and that crap. I hate politics. I wish I had the guts to tell him that".
His reverie is broken up by the phone ringing.
At least it isn't going to be Wanda Sue, he thinks, she's already recieved 100 thousand dollars, enough to keep her fat mouth shut forever. I rue the day I met that one!
"Hello, Montgomery here!" he says cheerfully into the reciever.
A voice that sounds far away and strangled says, "Hold for an important call from Texas, please."
Maybe Dad's phoning back to say he can't visit, that would be alright.
He waits.
Then he hears a voice that makes his blood run hot (cold is for sissies; hot is for guys like him) saying, "You liked the picture did you, Billy Bob?? I have more where that one came from!! I have one where you don't have a stitch on, either, but then.....neither do I! Polariod, you know? Remember?"

"I SENT THE FREAKIN' MONEY!" he yells into the phone, "If you didn't get it, you will soon, so leave me ALONE!"
"That was just for starters, babydoll, I know there's a lot more where that came from. I need 500,000, as in half a mil, and I need it SOON. Do you want your Daddy to see you buck naked doing the nasty with a white trash gal? hahahaha, I don't think so!!"

"Why are you doing this?" he says angrily, "WHY?"
"Why not??" he hears her say and then ..click!... .

"Well done, babydoll," she congratulates herself, puts her cell phone back in her pocket, gets up from the park bench and walks to her car.
"Hmmmm, all in all, I'll have 700 thou from this caper, not as much as I'd like, but enough to get Slim and me settled in California!"
She plops down in the drivers seat of the car only to have the back of the seat flop back. She yanks it back up. It flops back again. She gets out of the car, looks at the mechanism that controls the pitch of the seat, fools around with it, then yanks the back of the seat up again. There!!
It flops back down.
"Ok, if that's the way you want to play it, fine!" she kicks the nearest tire, which begins to release air, and gets in, turns the key, and, using her back muscles alone to stay upright, drives toward her apartment on Elmwood Avenue.

As she walks toward the door that leads to the stairs, she looks around to make sure that crazy guy hasn't followed her home again. That was scary! Guess I showed him!

She ascends the stairs and shoves open the door into her apartment.
Dropping her purse on the chair, she looks at the table. Did she put those tapes and that tape player away? She would have sworn they were out on the table this morning.

She looks everywhere, all over the kitchen. No tape, no tape player.
She opens the drawer in which she's put the tape addressed to Montgomery. That one is where she left it, surely the others must be here somewhere!
Think, babydoll, think! Did you take them into the bedroom to listen to last night? Sure! They must be in there!
She walks into her bedroom and sees the closet door open, and as she goes over to it to look in it for the tapes, sees that most of her clothes are gone.
"WHAT THE _____*?!" she yells. (*expletive).
Something is very wrong here. She looks around the dresser, in the drawers, oh no! someone took my cubic zirconia! I loved that stuff! Who would take someone's valuables? We must be dealing with a professional thief here, one who knows how precious cubic zirconia is. My red dress: gone!! The thief at least has good taste!

"NOW what do I do?" she asks the empty room, "If someone has the tapes, I could be in big trouble!! Never mind the beautiful dress and expensive jewelry, what if someone finds out everything.....and......blackmails me!"


THE ENVELOPE FROM HELL..........by Coralynn

Billy Bob needs to go out to the barn to check on some of the new horses, and, as he passes by where his vehicles are parked, sees something stuck behind one of the windshield wipers. "That wasn't there when I drove the car last, I wonder how it got there?" he goes over and yanks an envelope out from behind the wiper.
It's sealed, so he rips it open and pulls out a picture. NO! It's the picture he was warned about, the one of Wanda Sue and him buck naked in a compromising position. To say the least!!
He turns it over and, scrawled on the back are the words: 'The Tabloids would love a copy of this baby!! Pay UP!"

He rips the picture in half, then, thinking he may need it, shoves the two halves into his pocket.
All thoughts of checking on the new horses fades from his mind. He trudges back to the house and is soon on the phone with his lawyer.
"Again?.......she wants half a million?.......that picture must have been pretty obscene, Billy Bob........Yeah, I know, you do dumb things when you're real young......too bad I can't think of a way for you to prosecute her without causing her to send that to the tabloids.......yeah, they jump on that stuff fast.........I agree, then the damage would have been done......but this was hand delivered........uh huh.........under your car windshield wiper.........that must've taken a lot of nerve, getting that close to your house without being seen.........oh, you were in town with the truck at the time..........you don't remember........your Dad is visiting you tomorrow?..............I agree, bad timing.......he wants you to run for what?.......what Daddy wants Daddy gets (chuckle)........you'd best get that money off to her a.s.a.p. .........she has to be local or have someone working with her that's local........you think she imitated an operator to fool you into listening?.......that's one trick they use....."
"Could she have an accomplice here? She could. She must, but who? Well, thanks for your advice, gotta get off the phone now and write that damned check!" BB hangs up.


CATCH YA UP TO SPEED........by Terri


Wanda Sue sat down with a thud. She opened her beer, spilled some of it on the floor. She grabbed her socks that she had flung down and wiped it up with her feet.
What a waste! Well, better make the call!
She dialed out. A whiskey-husky voice answered the phone.
"Yeah?"
"It's me. Everything is going according to plan. Plus some little extras that I didn't expect. Seems Billy Bob isn't the only easy mark in town. By now there should be or will be shortly, 150,000 in that account."
"So, catch me up to speed, Sis."
"Well, my husband was an easy mark. Hell, Daddy has big plans for that boy."
"I thought you were only going for 100,000. Where'd the 50,000 chump change come from?"
Wanda Sue stretched her legs out. She reached over and grabbed her cigarettes and cut the end off the filter. Damn cotton just gets in the way of a good drag. She lit up.
"Seems Babydoll #2 is getting a little on the side with this gorgeous actor-hunk. I put your burglary tools to good use, Slim. They have a little flat on a second floor that they are using like a Happy Hour motel room! I broke in and snooped around. Pretty classy, looks like a beachhouse. Which is OK because it has a lakeview. Whitewashed furniture, lots of light, a deck...."
"Hey, Martha Stewart, spare me the decorating details and get right to 'it's a good thing'. What did you do?"
Wanda Sue snickered. "I broke into their little shackup and wired it for sound. One of those voice activated recorders. And what I heard....!"
Slim laughed nastily on the other end. "So, what was it? Anything usable?"
Wanda Sue chortled. "Seems the current babydoll was knocked up when she tied the knot with Montgomery and passed it off as his. He has no idea. He thinks the baby is premature. Ha! What a joke on him. He's being...what is that Old English word?...
'cuckhold'." She started laughing and coughed. "But that's not all! I hit paydirt! The motherlode and a way to get even with that little rich bitch he's got now."
Slim laughed, "Well, tell me! Don't keep me in suspense!"
"OK, remember the deli scene in When Harry Met Sally?"
"Yeah....so?"
"SO?..."
"You didn't!"
"Yessiree, Bub, I DID! Played it for each of them respectively and am planning on being another 50,000 richer! Oooh, was he squirming! And you know what kind of temper Billy Bob has! Wouldn't be surprised if he went after loverboy with an axe!
OK, so I played it for her just to see her twist in the wind! She comes into the Grand Union where I work. One of those preppy cheerleader types that I hated and you tried to date."
"Not date, MATE, Sister dear!"
"Whatever! Well, she don't look too peart lately! Pretty high-strung, seems to look over her shoulder alot. I threatened to play it for BB over the phone. I tell ya, that Bob DeNiro on Cape Fear has nothin' on me! OH! OH! OH! And then I got those polaroids that we took when we were kids! I had copies made at one of them photo machines and ran off some copies. Stuck one of them in his windshield wipers! Bet THAT got him all revved up! I'm asking half a mil for that baby. And when he pays up, guaranteed the tabloids will pay at least that much. I can wreck his political career before it starts, wreck his marriage, wreck that father of his's career, all with one polaroid! Remember how Daddy called us trailer trash? Called you a ruffian and me a slut?"
"We always said he would rue the day he did that! Well, the reckoning is coming! Smart of you not to send it in the mail, Sis! Otherwise it would be a federal crime and they don't look too kindly on that stuff!"
"Well, California here we come!"
"By the way, Sis--you taking good care of that Falcon?"
Click!
Now, why the hell did she hang up on me?


KEEP WALKIN', COWBOY!.....by Terri

Billy Bob wrote the check and put it in an envelope. He tilted his desk chair back and sighed. Well, if I give her this check, what's to stop her from wanting another half milion. Or more. I have a wife and child to support now. He put it in the desk drawer.
The phone rang."Hello?"
"Get the picture, Stud? Now here's the picture I'm giving YOU! Half a million and no messing up."
"Wanda Sue, you're going to have to give me a few days to get it together. I can't just pull 500,000 out of the bank without anyone questioning it! A lot of this money is tied up in property. I need about three days to clear it up."
"Well, loverboy," she purrs which sounds like a cat being put through the wringer, "I guess in the interest of what we meant to each other, I could do it. I did have a thought, though. As your LEGAL wife, wouldn't I be entitled to community property? Half that ranch, why, I could put a nice doublewide right next to you and your babydoll #2. We could go to the tractor pulls together, your wife and I. Or is that little bitch too refined for that? Oh, I'll bet she goes to the country club dances. You know, the St Valentines' Day dance that she went to with you--where she ran into John and Muffy!"
"What ARE you talking about?"
"Ask her! By the way, that picture rev your engine? Bring back some fond memories?"
"Wanda Sue, the only thing it almost brought back was my lunch!"
"THREE DAYS!" she snarled. "Don't mess around with me!"

Billy Bob replaced the receiver gently down. He ran his hand over his face. What to do? And the old man is getting thrown in to the mix. I certainly can't show him THAT picture. And what would Rosamond say? He got up, put his boots and Stetson on and went to the kitchen. Rosamond was there looking over some catalogues.
"You got the mail?"
"Yes, why? Nothing but advertisements. And a couple bills. I believe these are yours."
"Nothing postmarked Texas?"
"No, expecting something?"
"Not really. Baby asleep?"
"She just went down."
"Rose, Juanita is here. Do you want to go for a horseback ride? Put your money where your mouth is and show me your stuff?"
Rosamond could scarcely keep the Mona Lisa smile off her lips. "Give me a minute to change."
She ran upstairs, slipped on her jeans and boots and a down jacket. She could barely contain her enthusiasm. OK, Montgomery, give you a run for your money. I'll show YOU!
She ran down the stairs. Billy Bob was telling Juanita they would be gone for a couple hours and asked Rose, "Are there any instructions Juanita should know?"
"No, Juanita, I trust you implicitly but I will have my cellphone on in case you need to get hold of me."
Billy Bob grabbed her hand and they ran towards the stable. He dropped her hand and said, "Race you!" Naturally he won.
They saddled up the horses, Billy Bob taking the roan Brutus and Rose saddled up Belle. "Where to, horsewoman?"
"Let's try the path that goes along the woods and leads to the lake."
They rode quietly. Billy Bob kept sneaking peaks at her to see if she was doing everything correctly. They hit a meadow. Rose looked at Billy Bob and he looked at her. A devilish gleam in her eye and without a word, she spurred her horse across the meadow. Her hair, worn in braids, whipped behind her. He kicked his horse into action but could barely keep up with her. At the edge of the meadow, she slowed down. Billy Bob reined in. "Damn hell, woman, you didn't lie! You really CAN ride!"
She tossed her head. "TOLD you I could!" They reached the edge of the lake.
Billy Bob said, "Let's walk them so they can cool down and get a drink." He reached up and helped her down, his hands on her waist. "You are so little!" he murmured.
She reached into her pack. "Water?" Billy Bob said, "Un, un, got something better. Water of Life?" He produced a flask. He took a long draw on it. "Want some, little mama, or will Julie end up with a buzz?" Rose laughed self-consciously. "I don't think a swallow would hurt me."
They walked around the lake. They each held their horses' reins. Billy Bob reached out for Rosamond's hand. He took a deep breath. "Have the phone calls stopped?"
Rosamond's blood ran cold. "Yes."
He reached up and touched her braids. "You are so beautiful..." He started to unplait them. She grabbed his hands.
"What are you doing?"
"What do you think I am doing?"
"Well, stop it! This isn't proper."
"Get real, Rose. I own all this."
"All what?"
"The meadow. The woods. The lake. You."
Just then her cellphone rang. "Hello?"
"Can you talk?" John whispered.
"OH! Bethia! How wonderful to hear your voice! No, my husband and I are just doing some horseback riding."
"You're WHAT?"
"Oh, the baby is just fine. I swear I actually saw her smile yesterday....that's right..."
"You are actually voluntarily spending time with that..that...cowboy?"
"Bethia, I have to get back to the house, Juanita is watching Julie. I'll call you later on, OK? Love you!"
"Rose? Rose, dammit, don't do this...DO YOU HEAR ME?..."
Click!
"Bethia called?" Billy Bob said casually.
Rosamond felt her face get hot. "Yes. She stopped by the other day and asked me to be in her wedding. I said yes."
"You said yes. Without checking with me first?"
Rose looked at him astonished. "What do you mean? I have to check my every move with you? Are you out of your mind? Who died and made you my lord and master?
I had a lifetime of that with Henry. And what was that last comment? You OWN me? I don't think so, Billy boy!"
He grabbed her roughly by the shoulders. "It's bad taste to bring up former lovers, sweeheart."
Rose threw his hands off. "Oh, and I am reminded of your 'babydoll' everytime I pick the phone up! Pictures of you making out with a bimbo. But like I care!"
She jumped on her horse and grabbed the reins. He started for his horse but Rose smacked his horse on the butt and it took off. "Looks like you are walking home again, Montgomery. But this time without a cellphone! That should cool your jets!"
She kicked Belle's side and cantered off as he stood there swearing.

Rose rode hard. Right behind her was Brutus. Brutus followed Belle anywhere, they were stablemates. She rode into the barn, dismounted and led both horses into the stalls. Just because Montgomery is being a jackass doesn't mean Brutus has to suffer. She took off his saddle and groomed both horses down, fed them some sugar cubes and turned out the barn lights.
She went in the house. "How's the baby, Juanita?"
Juanita was holding her. "She's wide awake and wants her mommy. Mr. Montgomery out in the barn, Mrs. M?"
"Please, Juanita, call me Rosamond. He's checking the path that crosses the meadow. I imagine he'll be here within the half hour. You can go ahead and go home now. I really appreciate it."
"No problem, Mrs M....I mean Rosamond. I'm so glad Mr. Montgomery found someone to settle down with as nice as you."
Rose took Julie and settled down in the chair to nurse her. She reached for the cellphone and dialed John's number.
"Hello?"
"Hi, darling. I have a few minutes."
"Rose, what the HELL is going on? You haven't called me in two days. I've been going crazy worrying about you. Unless you are starting to like being married to that...that..
cowboy! I can't imagine you as a rancher's wife. Next thing I know you'll be wearing a gingham dress and an apron ringing that little triangle for the field hands to come in.
You'll be all worn out before you are 25!"
"I can't call you because I don't trust the regular phones. I can't see you in the blue house or even outside because I don't know who this entity is. Or where she is. John, I am scared to death. I have his father coming in tomorrow. It sounds serious. Billy Bob has been awfully tense since he's called him."
"Aw, my heart bleeds for him. Where is he now?"
"Walking home, I imagine. I left him in the woods without a horse because he was getting frisky and bossy. That should cool him off. Look, I hear the back door. Gotta go! I love you, darling."
Click!
John sighed, went to the fridge and got himself another beer.

Rosamond took Julie upstairs and put her in her bassinet. Billy Bob had come in the back door. It had been evident that he had been finishing off his flask on his way home. Rose could see that when she came back downstairs.
"Cool off yet, Cowboy?"
"Not by a longshot, honey."
He sat down.
Rose said, "Brutus and Belle are both groomed and put back in their stalls. Julie is in her crib. I've had enough for the day. I'm going upstairs."
"Like hell you are. SIT!" he yelled.
She kept on going. Billy Bob jumped up and grabbed her by the arm and flung her in the chair.
He leaned over her. "Now, this is the way it's going to be from now on, honey. Dad is comiing tomorrow. You are going to be the dutiful little wife. None of this liberated woman's BS. We're a picture perfect little family. Making me walk home, I ought to smack you."
Rose stood up. "But you won't. You need me. I don't know what is going on, but for some reason you need me."
"Not need. I love you Rosamond."
"Well, that must be red-neck lovin', right out in the fields....."
She started up the stairs.
Billy Bob yelled at her retreating back, "Don't bother to lock the door. I'll just kick it in again."
He ran his hands through his hair. Damn! Now this on top of Wanda Sue and Dad coming in. Will it ever end?


TROUBLE.............by Coralynn

Celeste has finished changing the linens on the beds and goes to the kitchen for a coffee break.
She sees Marilyn sitting at the table looking concerned.
"Why the deep thought, Marilyn?" she asks.
"Something is wrong here. It has to do with John. I just feel it. Something besides just the fact that Rose is married to Montgomery is making him a wreck. Don't ask me how, I just know."
Celeste joins her at the table and puts her hand on the other woman's arm.
Marilyn smiles and comments, "You have a way of calming people, Celeste. Tell me: do you sense something ominous in the air or is it just me?"
Celeste meditates on it, then replies, "Yes, something very ominous is going on and it's centered around John. He is troubled and he is in danger. This has escalated the last couple weeks, too."
"I know! Marilyn agrees, "What do you think it is? When I try to get a handle on it, all I see in my mind is the Grand Union supermarket. Does that make any sense at all??"

"I sense trouble coming from there as well," Celeste tells her, "Something or someone, probably someone over there is sending out a lot of negative energy."
"Could you take a break from your chores right now, Celeste, and go with me over to that store? Maybe if we go there together we can get a clearer picture."
"Let's." Celeste takes off her apron and grabs her purse. They both throw on light jackets and go out and get in Celeste's car.
As they approach the Grand Union parking lot, they are quiet, very quiet, waiting for an impression to form.

The only parking space in the lot is next to an ancient Ford Falcon. As they get out of their car, they both point at the Falcon and say, "That car is full of negative energy!"
"Not only is it full of negative energy, it's falling apart!" Marilyn looks it over and would laugh were it not that they are there for a serious reason.
Celeste stands by the Falcon and closes her eyes, "The owner of this car is up to no good."

They walk into the store as casually as they can. The gum-cracking red-headed casher waves and shouts, "Hello, Ladies, anything I can help you find?"
"Why yes, dear," Celeste answers, "I would like to buy Fels-Naptha soap. It's an old brand and not every store has it. Can you show me where it might be?"
"Sure!"
'Susan' accompanies the two women down the aisle containing soaps and powders. Celeste falls very quiet and Marilyn follows her lead after Celeste give her a meaningful look.
"Raaaat here they are!" Susan declares, holding up a bar of the soap.
"Thank you ever so much," Celeste says, then, as Susan is walking back to her register, Celeste asks Marilyn, "Walking with her I could clearly feel the black energy, did you feel it?"
"I felt creepy," Marilyn says with a shudder, "Something is wrong with that woman. First time I saw her back last week or maybe it was the week before, I got a very creepy feeling. Do you think she's part of the problem we were talking about back at the house?"
"Could be, could very well be," Celeste tells her as they go to the register to buy their one bar of soap.


BOY,YOU'RE IN A HEAP OF TROUBLE.....by Terri


Billy Bob slid out of bed, ohhh, today is the day Dad comes. He grabbed his robe and went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Across his cheek were several long jagged scratches. He had a bruise starting on his jaw. Yeah, thanks alot, Rosamond. I really need this with Dad coming today. Now how am I going to explain THIS?
He turned the shower on and tried to let the hot water clear his head. Can't believe she made me walk home last night. It all started out so nice, too. What is she so touchy about? Hell, Henry had plenty of stories to tell about her. She fought like a wildcat, though. He smiled. Whether she enjoyed herself or not is her problem.
He dried off and changed into a pullover and jeans. It's 7:00 AM now, Dad gets in at 8:30. Just enough time to grab a cup of coffee and a bagel. He grabbed a bottle of Maalox and downed a quarter of it. He walked quietly through the bedroom and went downstairs. Within fifteen minutes he was in the car and headed for LaGuardia airport, alternately drinking coffee and swigging Maalox.

Rosamond stirred and looked at the clock. Seven thirty! She looked over and saw a big empty space where Billy Bob had slept. She got up and checked on Julie. She was sound asleep, making little baby gurgles in her sleep. She blearily went into the bathroom and turned the shower on. Oooh, that stings! She looked and saw bruise marks on her shoulders where Billy Bob had grabbed her by the lake. And there was a start of a bruise on her arm where he threw her in the chair. She started to cry in the shower. JOHN would never do that! I guess I shouldn't have swatted Brutus on the rump and made him run off. But what could I have done? The Du Pre blood was kicking in. By the time she got out of the shower, the baby was whimpering.
"Oh, sweetheart! Mummy's here!" She picked her up tenderly and started to nurse her. Hmm, the old man gets here at 8:30, by the time they gather his luggage and get the car, they won't be back until 10:00.
The phone rang. Rose picked it up. A tape played. It was reliving it all over for her. She slammed down the phone and pulled the plug out.
With shaking hands she picked up her cellphone and called John at the studio.
Gwen answered the phone in wardrobe.
"Rosamond! You just missed him, he'll be back in a few minutes. How's that little baby? When are you going to bring her in?"
Rose tried to compose herself. "Real soon, Gwen. Maybe later this week. John told me you and Marty know. I-I appreciate you keeping quiet about it."
"Rose, you listen to me and you listen good! Life is too short to waste it with the wrong person! John looks terrible. The last time I saw him truly happy was at the awards ceremony. He used to smile so readily and now...well, here he is! I mean it! You'd better bring that baby in!"
John got on the phone, "Rose, are you OK?"
"No, I'm not, John. His father is coming in today. Last night was terrible. John, we have to go off together! We have to run away--I don't care where! Paris! Rome! Australia! GET ME AWAY FROM HERE!" She was hysterical.
John was beginning to panic. "Rose, we can't go! He'd just find you and drag you back but not until he killed me. I have no doubt in my mind. If he didn't do it himself, he'd hire someone."
"John, the tapes are playing over the phone. It very well could have been Billy Bob who picked up the phone. I'm so scared. Now I have to get through the next few days."
"Rose, take a pill or something. Calm down. When I get the next call, I'll hand deliver the additional 50,000 and get the tape. Now just settle down! Please, honey! I'll work it out with Marty that you can come here to show off the baby and we can grab some time alone. OK? OK?"
Rose stopped crying. "OK. I'm alright now. I just had a bad night."

At 8:30 AM Billy Bob finished off the last of the Maalox. At 8:35 Senator John Robert
Montgomery stepped off the plane. He was an imposing figure, 6'3" with silver hair and a weathered face that showed his days of ranching and wildcatting. Billy Bob stood there waiting at the gate with his hands in his pockets. His father never ceased to intimidate him. He pushed his Stetson low over his face. The Senator had his cashmere coat draped over his arm.
The senator caught sight of his only son. "Boy, I see you made it here in time!" He clapped him on the back.
"Yessir," Billy Bob said.
"Put some good old boys on Wanda Sue. Came up with nothin'. Just her lowdown no good brother Slim living in that old delapidated trailer out in Shantytown...hells bells, what happened to your face?"
"I, uh, went riding and a branch swung back and hit me in the face."
"Un huh," said the Senator, unbelieving. "Can't wait to meet this little hellcat you married. Proper English family, too, huh? And the young'un?"
"Julie. She's adorable, Dad. Best thing that ever happened to me."
"Your mama told me your woman birthed this baby all by herself. Must be a helluva
woman! Like I said, can't wait to meet her. Straighten out this Wanda Sue mess, get you divorced all nice and proper, hell, maybe even annul it and then talk about you running for office. With my connections..."
Billy Bob opened another bottle of Maalox and swigged it down.
He picked up his father's luggage and put it in the trunk. The senator got in the passenger seat, and Billy Bob pulled out onto the freeway.

Within an hour they pulled up to the ranch. The senator got out and gave a low whistle. "You did real fine with this. How much you grossing now, boy?"
"About quarter of a million, Dad. Breeding and selling thoroughbreds, some are Kentucky Derby contenders next month. I'm thinking of going down there, taking Rose if she wants to go."
The senator clapped him on the back. "OK. Lead me to my new daughter in law. She'd better be everything that you say she is!"
Billy Bob touched his scratches and said, "She is that, Dad. And more."

Billy Bob opened the front door.
"Honey? We're here!"
The senator looked around and said, "Looks right nice here, boy. Good head for business but lousy in managing your relationship-life." He shook his head. "Always cleaning up your messes., boy! This little filly better be special!"
Rosamond came down the stairs, wearing a red sweater and jeans. She had her hair brushed to her shoulders. Billy Bob stood a little straighter, proud of her.
"Rose, honey?" He said softly. "This is my father, Senator John Robert Montgomery. Dad? This is my wife Rosamond."
Rosamond extended her hand and put on her best smile."I am SO happy to meet you, Senator. Your son here has told me so much about you, I feel I know you already!"

The senator stood their mesmerized. "So this is the newest--uh, the new Mrs. Montgomery! Well, well, well! Welcome to the family, my dear! Damn, you're a right fine pretty addition to the clan."
As an aside to Billy Bob, he said, "You're right, boy! She sure ain't a bleeder! Looks like the picture of health! Good child-bearing hips, too!"
Billy Bob looked down and turned several shades of red.
"Now, where's the next generation of Montgomery?"
Rose extended her hand out to the senator and said, "Right this way, Senator!"
'Hell, now, none of that 'senator' nonsense. Just call me 'J.R." like everyone else. Or 'Dad'!
As Rose led the senator up the stairs, he swatted her behind. Rose looked around at Billy Bob, surprised and with her eyebrow raised. Billy Bob gave a weak smile and just shrugged.
She took him to the nursery. Julie was just waking up when Rose leaned over and picked her up. Billy Bob stood in the doorway, proud as can be. The senator crossed the room and held his arms out. Rose put the baby in them.
"Hell, this is a real thrill for me. Never thought I'd see the day when the boy here would give me a grandchild. Don't look like a Montgomery, though! Must take after your side of the family, Rosamond. Well, hell, a girl this time, but a boy the next!
Hell, I sound like that old monarch, what's his name?"
Rosamond whispered, "Henry. Henry the Eighth. Without who I wouldn't be here!"
Billy Bob explained hastily, "Rose is descended from the English royal family, she probaby has some Tudor blood in her. Isn't that right, Rosamond?"
"Y-yes, that's right."
The senator cradled the baby. "Yessir, a beautiful little filly!"
He handed the baby back to Rose.
The senator clapped Billy Bob on the back. "Yessir, better get started on a boy! Carry on the family name. But do it without the scratches next time!" He laughed.
Fortunately Rose was busy with the baby and didn't hear him.
"Well, boy, we got some business to attend to. Conference time. Rose, dear, see you in a few hours."
Rose smiled, "I look forward to it!" To herself she said, at least I get a reprieve for a few hours.

Billy Bob and the senator went into the den and closed the door. J.R. lit up a cigar.
"Allright, boy, I am assuming the little woman doesn't know a thing about this."
"No, Dad, so let's keep our voices down."
Rosamond knocked at the door. "I brought you some coffee. Now I will leave you alone." She smiled brightly at the two of them. But her eyes told Billy Bob that he was going to owe her bigtime for the submissive little wife role. After she left, J.R, said, "Damn, boy, how do you get yourself into these messes?"
"Dad, I'm 30 now. I wish you wouldn't call me 'boy' ". Billy Bob stood there like a recalcitrant child with his hands in his back pockets.
J.R. surveyed his son cooly. "Fair enough. Alright, start at the beginning."
Billy Bob related how he got phone calls from a woman crooning 'babydoll' and then he showed a packet of papers with the cover letter that the divorce was never final. He told his dad about the 'make-out picture at Lake Pontchartrain.
"Paid her the 100,000 did you?"
"Dad, I had to. I can't lose Rosamond. I can't go to jail for bigamy."
"Damn right you can't. So that's the end of it. She's paid off, did she sign the papers yet?"
"I don't know. Dad---it's worse."
"How worse?"
"The worst."
"Stop speaking in riddles and tell me how bad. Enough to wreck your political career before it begins?"
"Dad, this can wreck my career, my marriage, my life, your career..."
"Hold it! Back up! MY career?"
Billy Bob sat down there totally miserable. "Wanda Sue had a polaroid. We were 16. It was funny at the time...but Dad, this is the kind of picture you do NOT want your parents to see. OR your wife."
J.R. held up his hand. "Whoa, boy! Are you telling me that you have pornographic pictures of yourself and that piece of trash?"
"No, Dad, what I'm telling you is that I DON'T have the pictures. If I did, there would be no problem. Wanda Sue has them. She has copies. She left one for me on my windshield. It was a stroke of luck that Rosamond didn't find it."
"Where's this piece of trash now, son?"
"I have no idea. I thought Texas but now I'm not so sure. She may have someone working with her up here, if she's not up here herself. She's giving me three days."
J.R. took a long puff of the cigar, let out the smoke and surveyed his son cooly through the smoke. In a dead calm voice, he said, "PAY IT."
"But Dad, I already paid her 100,000 dollars..."
J.R. leaned on his arms on the desk. "You are settled in. You established residence. You have money. You have a respectable wife and now a child. It is now time to run for the senate. You had what? Six months left of law school? Honor student and can pass the bar without even trying? Why you have to consult with lawyers when you know the law yourself is beyond me. Hell, you could figure out the bigamy stuff yourself."
Billy Bob stood up."I was too close to the forest to see the trees. I wanted outside advice without the emotional tanglements. Like they say, something about a doctor treating himself having a fool for a patient? Doesn't that apply to a lawyer who also has a fool for a client?"
J.R. Montgomery looked at how miserable his son was and relented. "OK, we'll talk about this later. Now, let's go check on those horses and maybe get a little riding in."


CONNECTING THE DOTS............by Coralynn

Celeste and Marilyn are in the kitchen quietly talking about their reactions to 'Susan' at the Grand Union, when William comes into the room.
"I couldn't help but overhear a bit of what you were talking about, ladies.." he begins.
"What do you have, supersonic hearing?" Marilyn asks crossly.
"Actually, yes." he answers, "But I sense there is a problem in the household involving someone who is causing trouble for John and what you were discussing has something to do with it."
"Yes, you could say so," Bethia answers.
William peers at her intently, "Are you being sworn to secrecy or something?"
"That's right!" Bethia is relieved that William understands, but in actuality he does not.
"Nonsense. We all need to work out these things together. If two heads are better than one, then 5 or 6 or 7 heads are that much better!"
"I can't divulge anything without John's permission," Bethia says firmly.
As fate would have it, John is at that moment entering the house, and hears what Bethia says.
He gestures for her to join him on the porch, which she does.
"John, William and Celeste and Marilyn and who knows who else, knows something is wrong and it involves you. More than just that Rose is married to Montgomery. They sense something more ominous, and William insists on getting in on it. I told him I would tell him nothing until you decide to tell it yourself."
"Good going, Bethie," John smiles weakly, "I think I may need the advice of others right about now. I've been blackmailed twice now, and it could keep up indefinitely. How many 50 thousand dollar checks am I going to have to write that terrible woman? Let's tell William and see what he has to say."

"Alright, William, I think it's time for a family confab. Yes, Marilyn, Celeste, where's Eleanor? Could you go up to her room and ask her to join us?......Good."

Finally they are all gathered around the dining room table.
John tells them about the blackmail, about the tape being played, about 'babydoll' being groaned over the phone, and the two cashier's checks he had to send off to Texas or the woman would tell Montgomery all she knew.

He waits for suggestions.
Celeste offers, "It has something to do with the Grand Union."
"The store?!"
"Well, not the actual building, dear, but someone who works there. A redheaded woman who sends out very negative energy."
Bethia realizes, "That's Susan Hemingway. I rented her an apartment. She lives above Marthy and Bess, and Jack & Rafe. You think she's involved? Really?"

"Did I just hear my name?" Marthy breezes in. "I came over to get a few more clothes. I hope Bess and Rafe become acclimated to this century pretty soon, because I want to move back home here. But what were you talking about?"
William asks her to sit.
"Have you noticed any suspicious activity in the flat above where you live over on Elmwood Avenue?"
Marthy mulls that over. "OK, now this was weird, but what happened was: Rafe went upstairs when that woman was out and burgled her place. He wanted to get in good with Bess, who has decided she really doesn't fancy him at all, so he stole some dresses for her and this".....she holds up a tape......"and a little machine that was near it."
John grabs the tape and runs to his room.
Everyone looks at Bethia for an answer to his running out like that, and she tells them, "He doesn't want you to hear the tape; he just wants to make sure he knows what's ON it."
Everyone nods their understanding.
John is soon back, "THIS IS IT!" he announces, "the tape I've had played over the phone at me. NOW WE have it! I guess we should thank Rafe for that, anyway, even if he is going to end up in jail if he keeps stealing..."
The phone rings.
John is so relieved that he has the tape, that he picks it up jauntily and says, "Hello! Nice day isn't it?"......but then his face falls, and he slams down the phone.
"She must have made COPIES!" He sits down with a thud.
Bethia then remembers something, "Remember Marthy, when we were moving Bess into that apartment, how the music upstairs was being played loudly and I went up to tell Susan that now she had people living below her, but never got to tell her because, first-off the music suddenly stopped.....and, as I got near her door, I heard a woman's voice moaning "babydoll." It was so strange that I came back downstairs. Remember?"

"I remember you returning very fast, but you never mentioned the word the woman was saying," Marthy tells her.
John is by now standing up with a very determined expression and angrily says, "That clinches it. Babydoll is the word the blackmailer uses over and over."
William also stands and announces, "Ladies and gentlemen, I think we've found our villain!"


'Susan' at that moment is trying to get her Ford Falcon to run. She starts it, nothing happens, she gets out and looks under the hood which produces nothing as she has no idea what she's looking for under there, then gets back in the car and slams the door, hoping it may somehow rattle an important part of the engine so the stupid car will run.
As she goes to get back inside after her 4th attempt at 'engine repair,' the door sticks. Hells bells, babydoll, she thinks, and goes around to the passenger side. She remembered that side was sticky and it sure is, it's totally stuck. She tries the rear door, driver's side, and that one is stuck. Running around frantically to the rear door, passenger side, she pulls the handle and it opens.

Relieved, she gets in the back seat and crawls over the front bucket seats, almost impaling herself on the control console that sits between the 2 front seats.
"OWWWWW, damn!" she exclaims.
By now it's beginning to get dark. She pulls out her cellphone and places a call to John. He picks up. She plays the tape, the only copy she has left, but he can't know that. He slams down the phone. She smiles and turns the key. This time the car starts.
She pulls on the headlights.....HEY! Why don't these headlights illuminate the road in front of me?
She drives a few yards and notices a light high up in the trees.
"Looks like these freakin' headlights have gone out of alignment," she curses, "Hope I can get home before I'm stopped by a Cop for driving without my headlights on."
With a huge payday in the near future, however, she manages to still smile, "OH yeah, babydoll, we'll buy us a great car....one straight off the lot.....maybe even a 1985 model!!"
She honks her horn in glee, only to hear the sound wither into a sort of whine, then die out altogether.


____________.....by Terri

J.R. Montgomery and Billy Bob left the den. Rosamond was getting Julie ready to go out.
"Dad and I were going to check out the horses, do a little riding. Where are you going?"
"I have an appointment to get my hair trimmed, my nails done, and Julie has a doctor's appointment so I will be gone most of the day. I am sure the two of you can find something to do while I am gone!" She flashed a beautiful smile.
Billy Bob narrowed his eyes. Why is she being so co-operative? Especially after last night?
"You didn't mention anything about it last night!"
"Why, darling, you didn't give me a chance."
The senator laughed at this and said, "Hey, son, whatever keeps them happy! Come on, show me the new colt from Lucinda!"
Rose put Julie in the car and headed out the highway. Within a half hour, she pulled into the drive at the house on Winding Willow.
William came out. "Rose, you are a sight for sore eyes! Let me take the baby from you."
"Thanks, William. Who'd have thought that two years ago, you'd be carrying John's and my baby into the house?"
"Not I! " He laughed.
"I came to see Bethia and Eleanor, are they...."
She gave a soft cry and ran up the steps and into John's arms. He kissed her all over her face. She laughed and said, "I thought for sure you'd be at the studio! OH! This is wonderful!"
Bethia and Eleanor said, "Well, I guess we're not wanted anymore!" and laughed.
"No, stay a minute! It's wonderful to see you two! Bethia, have you decided what bridesmaid dresses we are to have?"
Bethia said, "I've been whipping them up on the sewing machine! Come on! We'll look at them! John, do you want to watch Julie while we try the dresses on?"
John grinned broadly and took the baby from William. "Do I! Come on, Julie, and I'll tell you a story! Once upon a time there was a big bad cowboy named...."
The three of them ran up the stairs like teenagers after prom night. Bethia pulled out what she had basted together. The dresses were black and white satin, off shouldered with a sleek look and a slit up to mid-thigh. Very elegant!
"OK, now that Rose is here, let's try them on!" Eleanor slipped out of her dress and pulled the maid of honor dress over her head. Rose pulled her sweater over her head.
Both Bethia and Eleanor gasped. "ROSE! What happened to your shoulders?"
"Your arms! What are all those bruises?"
Rose's face flamed. "I had a difference of opinion with my husband about what is proper and what isn't. I guess he grabbed me a little too rough." She turned her head.
From what they could see underneath her makeup, there was a slight red mark across her face. Bethia was shaken and Eleanor was livid.
"Rose! Is he beating you?"
"Heavens no! Let me put it this way--he was in the mood and I wasn't!" she laughed
cynically. "He is sporting four loooong scratches across his face that he is having to explain to his father! For goodness sake's don't tell John! I don't want him upset anymore than he is already!"
Eleanor said, "Rose, we know about the tape. John asked us for advice. I think we need to fill you in on what we pieced together."
"ALL of you know? I am so embarrassed....! How can I look William in the eye?"
Eleanor kept the conversation going because Bethia had pins in her mouth.
She was pinning Rosamond's dress up the sides, nipping and tucking here and there.
John knocked at the door. "Can Julie and I come in?"
All three yelled "NO!"
"Aw, come on, there isn't anything there that I haven't seen before!"
"We'll be out pretty soon, darling" Rose said.
To the other two she said, "I can't let John see these bruises. He...he wouldn't understand. And it would be a bad deal for all of us concerned."
Eleanor said darkly, "I think the man should be drawn and quartered. I mean, Henry didn't even teach him a lesson and if we can't send him to Court for a lesson, where CAN we send him? The Wild West?"
Rose smiled ruefully, "He'd function just fine there, and then a hundred years from now they'd make a story of his life. Only it would be 'BB Montgomery and the Sundance Kid!' So tell me what you found out!"
Bethia took the pins out of her mouth. "We have no proof but we think it may connect with that red-headed clerk at the Grand Union. Susan. We're not saying she is the blackmailer but it is awfully suspicious. It bears further investigation and we want you to stay out of it, Rose. Let the six of us handle it."
"Six?"
"The four of us and Marilyn and Celeste. Those two were the ones with the psychic vibes. They picked up on negative energy. We'll have to go slow with this one."

After pinning and basting, the three of them came out of the bedroom. John sat in the chair cradling his child, Julie's fingers wrapped around his and studying his face with all seriousness.
Eleanor said, "Well, isn't that a picture!"
Rose said, "It's wonderful and I am sorry I am going to have to break it up."
John looked at her inquiringly. He whispered, "But Rose, we haven't had any time to spend..together?"
Rose rubbed her shoulders. "John, I'm sorry. I really have to get back there. My father in law is there. The senator. And I have to start dinner."
Eleanor and Bethia stood behind her, looked at each other and mouthed, Rose?
Start dinner? They tried not to giggle.
But they knew the real reason Rose couldn't be with John. Those damn bruises.
John sighed. "I'll walk you out to the car. He snuggled his face against Julie's neck.
Rose's heart was breaking. John carefully put her in the carseat and adjusted the blanket over her. He stood and let out a heavy sigh. Rosamond put her arms around him and drew him to her. They kissed tenderly.
Eleanor stood on the porch, turned and closed the door. She said softly to Bethia,
"Damn that Montgomery."


IN THE MOOD FOR A PARTY, ANYONE?......by Coralynn

"I hate to see Rose go back to that ranch," Eleanor says grimly, "if only there were some way to get rid of that Billy Bob guy."
William gives her a suspicious look, "Planning another caper are you, Eleanor? Thinking of murder this time?"
"No, of course not!" she retorts, "I just want things back the way they used to be! Did Bethia tell you we're planning a surprise birthday party for Henry?"

"I see, and you want Rose at the party. I do, too. But, to answer your question, no, I haven't heard! Isn't his birthday in late June, and isn't this mid-May?"
"That's why it would be such a surprise!" Eleanor drives her point home, "His birthday falls on the same day at Beth's wedding, and I overheard him complaining about it to Bill, who got this twinkle in his eye, and, after he'd gotten back home, phoned me and suggested the surprise party."
"A-ha! Another party! Would the media invade this one the way it has all our prior parties?" William's eyebrows go up.
"Not if we don't spread the word!" Eleanor thinks that's self evident.
"Well, I for one won't tell! Are we having a family meeting about it?"
"Kind of an informal one in about 20 minutes; want in?" Eleanor grins at him.
"Most definitely!" they enter the house together.

John is sitting on one of the plush leather couches, not looking any too happy. When he sees William and Eleanor enter, he asks them, "How are we going to trap that woman who works at the Grand Union if she really is the person placing the blackmailing phone calls? We can suspect till we're blue in the face, but how are we going to get proof? I want this person locked up!"
"Fingerprints?" Eleanor suggests, as she has been researching ways to catch villains.
"Her prints have to be on that tape and on that tape player," John states, "But we have to get a fresh set of prints straight from her, too. I don't suppose the police have a file on her."
"She's not from here, so if she has a police record, it would be in Texas. Isn't that where she had you send those checks?"
"Yes! I wonder if anyone is working with her on this, like someone in Texas as well. Whatever!" John stands up and stretches.
Bethia joins them for the party planning session, and hears this this part about catching the blackmailer.
"Susan and I have a fairly pleasant relationship, maybe I can get her prints on something and then we can have the lab at the police station or wherever they have those labs, compare them."

Marthy and Jack rush in and sit, Marthy all excited, "We're actually going to have a birthday party for Henry? You know, I've never had a birthday party or even been to one!"
"You must'nt tell, though, it's to be a surprise," Bethia reminds her.
William asks, "When exactly are we having this?"
"Tomorrow night!" Marilyn has just come in the room, "Isn't that going to be elegant?"
"We'd better decide on what to serve. Anyone have any ideas?"
"Let's cater it," Eleanor suggests, "Let's get big platters of meats and vegetables and buy an assortment of drinks. I can do that if you'd like. I can bring the stuff here, too, so no caterer has to be nosing around during the party."

"Why would anyone nose around?" Marthy asks, "And what does 'nose around' mean anyway?"
William answers in a gruff voice, "Marthy, we've had other dinner parties, and whenever anyone gets wind of it, the newspapers and TV reporters show up and take pictures, and it turns into a fiasco. When you invite caterers or anyone else like that, you take the chance that they may tell the media, you know, the newspapers and TV people. So if we don't have anyone from outside they can't 'nose around'.....does that answer your question?"
She looks dubious, but says, "I guess so!"
Marilyn waves her hand in the air, and they turn their attention her way.
"Should we give him regular gifts or gag gifts?"
"GAG!" everyone agrees.
"What's a gag?" Marthy asks, "Isn't that what someone ties over your mouth so you can't speak?"
Bethia laughs and tells her, "You know, Marthy, I was just as innocent of these modern ways of speaking as you are when I first got here a couple years ago. Eleanor learned the modern slang expressions very fast, but I just sat and shook my head for the longest time. Whenever you don't understand what someone says, you do well to ask. In this case, "GAG" means a joke. A present that will make Henry laugh, or at least make the rest of us laught at him!"
Marthy gets that lightbulb expression, "OH! Like if I bought him something like ballet lessons, which, with his gout, are totally ridiculous!" she laughs at her own joke.
"Exactly!" Bethia laughs along with her, "In fact, why don't you give him that?"
"OK!" Marthy is feeling like part of the family. Marthy is about as happy as she's been in her 19 years of life so far.

Across town, 'Susan' is driving her car home, and, when she nears Elmwood Avenue, goes to make her usual left hand turn onto that street. She flings her left arm straight out the window for a signal, puts on the brake to slow down, but the brake pedal collapses on the floor of the car. She pumps it. Nothing. She steers wildly to try to get around the left hand turn anyway, but ends up on someone's lawn right in their flower beds.
An older woman comes rushing out of the house, yelling "Murderer! Murderer! You've just killed my flowers! Help! Police!" she has a cell phone with her, and punches in 911.
'Susan' just stands there, helpless. Should she make a run for it? What good would that do; she needs the car, wreck that it is, and it is firmly planted among the flowers in this hysterical woman's yard.
"Yes! She drove right up on my lawn into my flowers! Yes! on purpose! Oh, good, you have a car in the vicinity......right.......I see it now, thank you." The woman flags the cop car down as it nears her house.
"Officer! Officer! This woman is a menace to society, take her to the police station! Look where she drove her car! Don't they call that 'reckless endangerment'?"
Joe Malone, who has been with the force for over 20 years, is getting tired of these drunks who drive over other people's lawns, and barks at Susan, "Get in the Police Van, and do it pronto!"

'Susan' sits in the Police Van, frowning. As Officer Malone gets into the front seat and starts the vehicle, she asks, "Why area you taking me away, are you taking me to jail? I haven't done anything wrong. My brakes went out, that's why I ended up on that lawn!"
"We'll see," was all he says in answer.
"I'm going to have to call for a tow truck. Do you allow people to phone for tow trucks from wherever you're taking me?"
"We'll see."
She slumps back on the seat. This day is going from bad to worse. Is she being arrested, and for what?
"What are the charges?" she gets up the nerve to ask.
"We'll see,"
"Ohhhh weeeeee'll seeeeee," she mocks him.
He doesn't respond, but pulls the van into the Police parking lot and get out. He comes around and gets her out of the back. She follows him into the police station.

Officer Malone goes to a desk where another Cop is sitting and requests a sobriety test and fingerprinting.
Susan hears that. "I haven't had a drop to drink!" she objects.
As he opens his mouth, she supplies the words, "I know: we'll see!!"
They test her blood alcohol level after giving her a breathalizer test. They ink her fingers and take prints.
She sits on an old naugehyde chair waiting for her fate. This is just dandy, babydoll, now the cops know who you are. Not that anyone else does. But by the time those marks put it all together, Slim and I will be in California; hell, maybe we'll go to Mexico if we have to. Or......

Her musing is broken into by Officer Malone saying bruskly, "You can go now."
"I can go now you say? Well, didn't I tell you all along? And I need to phone a tow truck, I don't suppose you have an extra one handy, do you? Of course not," she advances toward the phone sitting on the other Cop's desk and rifles through the yellow pages, sees AAAAA Towing and punches in the numbers. They say they'll send a truck right out.
"Send it to the Cop station on Windemere," she tells them......."yes, I'm waiting in front for you and we'll go to my car together......I don't carehow irregular that is, that's the way we're going to do it!"

She gives an exasperated sigh and pounds out of the place.


"Oh, Mother Dear, Your New Daughter-In-Law is Miss September!"....by Terri

Rosamond pulled into the carpark and took Julie out, bounding up the steps.

Billy Bob and his father were sitting around the table drinking coffee and talking, catching up on news from back home. "Hey, Sugah, have a good day? Your hair doesn't look any too shorter and your nails, aren't they the same?"
Rose handed the senator the baby. He smiled broadly. She looked down at her nails. "Yes, they are. They screwed up the appointments so I ended up taking Julie to the Guggenheim Museum. They have a new exhibit there." Billy Bob laughed. "Isn't she a little young for that?"
Rosamond said breezily, "You are NEVER too young for art. Expose them to it when they are young, they will always appreciate it."
Billy Bob looked at her disbelievingly but J.R. said, "She's right, son. We took you to the rodeo when you were not six weeks old. Look at you now! Hmm...maybe a little art exposure would have done you some good! Should have taken Donna to the art museums. Rosamond, honey, you never met Donna. You two would get along!"
Billy Bob groaned inward. He remembered his last conversation with Donna when she found out Billy Bob got married and had a child on the way--and not necessarily in that order. She was livid about losing her share of Sundown. He doubted she would speak to him for the next year. If he was lucky! He remembered the blistering comments she made and the names she called Rosamond. And she hadn't even met her!
Billy Bob said, "Don't worry about dinner, Sugah. Dad and I are putting steaks on the grill. If you can make a salad that would be great." J.R. said, "I sure don't see any Montgomery in this baby!" Billy Bob gritted his teeth and said "She has the blue eyes, Dad, what more do you want? She looks like Rosamond."
"Dimple in the chin--must be from your side of the family, Rosamond. Do you have any pictures of your parents?"
Rosamond dropped the bowl she was getting out for the salad. Billy Bob raised his eyebrow and a sardonic smile played on his lips. "Rose? Do you?"
Rosamond's face flamed. "They all burned up in a fire. But my dad had a dimple in his chin like that."
Dinner went with no problem. J.R. regaled Rosamond with stories of his wildcatting days, and stories of Billy Bob as a youngster. She listened, captivated.
Julie cried. "Time for her feeding!" Rosamond picked her up and went in the other room to feed her.
Billy Bob and his dad cleared the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher. J.R. said to his son, "That's one mighty fine gal you got there, boy. Keep that one barefoot and pregnant and you'll have no trouble with her!"
Billy Bob looked into the other room and said softly, "I intend to, Dad. I love her."
They went out to the deck to smoke cigars.

Rose's cellphone rang. It was Eleanor. "Rose? We are having a party for Henry tomorrow night. I know it's last minute but his birthday is the same day as Bethia's wedding. Do you think you can invent an excuse to come?"
Rose laughed. "Don't have to! I heard Billy Bob and his dad making plans to go to the Dew Drop Inn tomorrow night. If there's a pattern, it's that he comes home plastered everytime he goes there. Hopefully he'll pass out on the living room rug. He's kicked the bedroom door in more times than I can count anymore."
Eleanor said, "Do you want to talk to John?"
"Don't I always?"
John got on the line. "I miss you more than I can say. Everytime I see you it's harder and harder to let you go."
She whispered, "I can't talk loud because they are right outside. I miss you too. Next time he goes to Richmond or Austin or wherever, I'll make arrangements to go to the beach. We can meet for a weekend. What time is the party?"
"I'll give El back the phone."
Eleanor got back on the line. "I think about 7:30. It should be fairly innocuous. Only trouble is Daniel may be there."
"I can handle him. If I can handle the crap Montgomery's been giving me, I can handle Daniel easy. Details on the party, please."
"Catered food, but no caterers. Gag gifts. Someone should give him a gift certificate to the House of Pancakes."
"Well, that certainly would make ME gag! Look, I'd better hang up. I never know when they are going to come back in. I can't believe how subdued BB is around his dad! They are coming in! Gotta hang up!"
Click!
Billy Bob and his dad opened the brandy and sat down to enjoy the rest of the evening. Rosamond said, "I think I'll go upstairs and take a shower. Hopefully Julie will sleep for the rest of the night. Goodnight, gentlemen!"

She left them to discuss horses, business, rodeos, politics and whatever else they had in mind. J.R. took the guest room down the hall. As Billy Bob got into bed, he reached for Rosamond. Facing the wall, she said, " I'm tired tonight. Touch me and I scream. That won't leave a good impression on your father, now will it?" Billy Bob sighed and turned away.



The next morning Rosamond slipped out of Billy Bob's arm that was curved around her and grabbed her robe. If I'm quiet, he won't wake up....
She headed downstairs and started the coffeemaker. Her father-in-law came downstairs, buttoning his cuff sleeve.
"Good morning, dear!" He gave Rosamond a hug.
"Good morning, Senator!"
"Hey, now, what did we decide? I'd be right proud if you'd call me Dad."
Rosamond set coffee down in front of him. She poured herself a cup and sat with him. Despite her problems with Billy Bob, she genuinely liked the Senator.
"Darlin' I'd like to talk to you. Are you and my boy having problems?"
'What do you mean?"
"Well, I can't help but notice that sometimes you have a little friction between the two of you. Hell, a LOT! I mean, for being newlyweds."
Rose sighed. "We just had a baby who was brought into the world under unusual circumstances. I had a career that your son torpedoed. He's involved with the ranch and breeding the ultimate Thoroughbred. He wanted to go to the Kentucky Derby to see some of his horses run. I couldn't leave Julie and I didn't want to drag her down with all those people. After all, she is only 6 weeks old. So he is touchy about that.
He needs to realize that I am tired and not make so many demands on me."
J.R. smiled. "Hence the scratches on his face!"
Rose's face got red and she looked down.
"Honey, you may not know this but we come from a very political family in Austin. My boy has been groomed for a political life since he was born. He went to law school but fooled around alot. His heart just wasn't in it. He got kicked out of Texas A&M, along with Bobby Joe Houston. The two of them just raised hell. Six months away from getting a law degree and he tells me he's going into ranching. I thought my brother Jed could keep an eye on him. He seems to have straightened out and settled down. I credit you with some of that, little lady. And for that I thank you!" He patted her hand.
Rosamond felt like dirt by this time.
Billy Bob came downstairs holding Julie. "She was just waking up!"
He handed her to Rose. "Just coffee for me, darling. Dad, let's go over to Tom Lucas' and check out that stallion. Then there is a horse for sale over in Saratoga. We'll be back by 5:00, Sugah. We can grab some breakfast along the way."
J.R. said, "But I think Rose was going to make breakfast....."
Bily Bob kissed Rosamond on the cheek goodbye and stroked Julie's head. As he grabbed his Stetson and his truck keys, he said as he was going out the door, "....believe me, Dad, we'll do better at the cafe. I've seen what Rosamond can do to bacon...."
Rosamond stuck her tongue out at his retreating back.

Rose called John on his cellphone.
"Hello?"
"Darling, this is dangerous and totally irrational. But he and his dad will be gone the whole day. Can we meet somewhere? Somewhere out in the country."
John thought. "Marty has a condo in the City. He offered it to me for a few days and left the key with the doorman. How about we meet there? If we both leave now, we can get there about the same time. Then if your husband asks where you were, you can tell him the City without lying. It's on Fifth Avenue."
She rushed around, taking a quick shower and putting on her makeup. She dressed Julie in a beautiful pink jumpsuit. The child was absolutely gorgeous!
Within the hour, they met in the condo. John was there first, He had champagne chilling. He took Julie from Rosamond's arms.
"She gets bigger everytime I see her. LOOK! I think she just smiled at me!"
Within the hour, Julie had fallen asleep. Rose put her in the carrier.
It didn't take Rosamond and John long to figure out what to do with their spare time.

"Rosamond, what's that?"
She said drowsily, "What's what?"
"That. Those bruises on your arm and your shoulders?"
"Oh, that! I went horseback riding the other day and Belle--that's the horse--threw a shoe and stumbled. I toppled over her head and landed right on my face! Tried to brace myself with my arms. Don't worry about it. Believe me, it won't happen again."

By four o'clock, Rose gathered up Julie and all her paraphernalia. John was getting dressed. "I'll see you at Henry's party. Are you sure you can come?"
Rose said, "I can predict what will happen. I'll make it home with 15 minutes to spare. They will eat dinner, take a shower and head out to see Uncle Jed. Bobby Joe will be beside himself to see the Senator! From what I understand, BJ and BB were inseparable since they were in kindergarten. Probably used to double date all the time! Wonder if HE knows who Babydoll is! I just may have to pay him a visit!"
John carried Julie and Rose led him to her car. He put her in her carseat and tenderly kissed her little hand. "See you tonight, Princess!"
He gave Rose a kiss she felt all the way to her inner soul. She touched his face and said, "See you later."

On her way home her cellphone rang. "Hello?"
"Well, darlin', a voice from the past!"
"DANIEL? What are you doing calling me?"
"What I want to know is if you are coming to Henry's surprise party."
"I plan to. What's it to you?"
"Because I will be there and I fully intend to see my daughter."
"Oh, do you have a daughter I don't know about?"
"Come off it, Rose! You know damn well that's my child. OK, you can try to pass it off as Montgomery's child. Maybe he believes it. But a five pound five ounce baby is NOT premature. That nurse told me that baby was fullterm. John can't have kids. It's logical. He and Elizabeth didn't have any, she had a litter of them after she left him.
So again I repeat, I WANT TO SEE MY DAUGHTER AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME! Aw, come on, Rosamond. Let me see her. I heard she's a real beauty. Eleanor said she was the most beautiful baby she's ever seen. Something beautiful came out of our wild time together. It was meant to be, you and me having a beautiful child. I just want to hold her..just once! PLEASE!"
"NO WAY!"
"At least let me look at her."
"Daniel, this world is probably filled with your little mistakes' descendants. I should know. I"m married to one of them. So why should this baby be any different to you?"
"I'm a new man, Rosamond. I've been baptized by the fire of your touch and the flame in your eyes. I'm ready to take on the committments of a wife and child..."
"DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF? If Montgomery heard that, you'd be dead meat! Need I remind you that I am married to a man that keeps a loaded rifle in the barn and a Smith and Wesson in the nightstand table? He's already threatened to kill John."
"So what? I've threatened to kill John myself--and I'm his brother!"
"Yes, but you don't mean it!"

"Well, I mean THIS, you bitch! IF I don't get to see the baby, I WILL sue for parental rights and the tabloids will get hold of the story. I just may grant an exclusive interview on how you were 'ho-ing around with three--no, four! Let's not forget Henry!---men in the space of six weeks. Now how do you think that is going to fly with your husband? And this will ruin any chance you have of getting your acting career back! No more Mr. Nice Guy from me!"

"AS IF! Daniel, you don't have a decent bone in your body! I am married and the child is the daughter of William Robert Montgomery. The birth certificate says so. So if you want to make a federal case of it, you will be laughed right out of court. Because I can assure you, you bastard, that any DNA test will prove that YOU are NOT the father of this baby!"

"We'll just see about this when I see you at the party, slut!" "Daniel, if you get within 20 feet of me, you WILL be hurt...oh, why the hell am I even talking to you?"
Simultaneously they both yelled, "DAMN YOU!"
Both cellphones were thrown at the same time, Daniel's against the wall and Rosamond's against the floorboard of her car.
The question remains--will they work again?

Several hudred miles away the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Mother? Have you talked to Dad lately?"
"Why, yes, Donna. He called from Billy Bob's ranch. He said it is a beautiful spread and that your brother has done wonders with it."
"So what does Dad think of Billy Bob's little bride? What opinions has he formed of her?"
"He said she's a beautiful girl, very cultured and nice. He's the proud grandfather, too.
He said the baby is beautiful but she doesn't look like a Montgomery."
"Do you really think she is? A Montgomery, that is!"
"Hush your mouth, Donna! I know the child was conceived out of wedlock but that seems to be the modern trend these days."
"Well, here is something I will tell YOU, Mother! I was cleaning in Lyle's study and I came across his stack of Playboys..."
"DONNA! Lyle reads Playboy? I never would have dreamed that of him..."
"Mother! This is all besides the point! I was thumbing through them.."
"DONNA MARIE MONTGOMERY JACKSON! I am shocked!"
"Oh, Mother, get real! My point is that Lyle and I have been racking our brains to think where we heard the name Rosamond de Clifford at. Then it hit me! That was the actress on As the Planet Turns. Lyle suddenly hushed up. Well, I was having lunch with Buffy and Sylvia and mentioned the name. Buffy took me aside and said she remembered a scandal involving her. She said she was in the September issue of Playboy. And she should know because the centerfold with Miss De Clifford was pinned up behind Ralph Jr's closet door! Well, I went into Lyle's study, looked through them and Mother, I am pretty sure the new Mrs. Montgomery shed her threads for the September Centerfold of the Month! Hello? Hello, Mother? Oh, for goodness sakes, Mother, breathe in a paper bag! STOP HYPERVENTILATING!
Billy Bob always DID upset you!"
"*gasp!* *wheeze!* Donna, I have to go! I am booking myself on the first flight out of here tomorrow to see what mess he's got into THIS time!"
"Mother?"
"*gasp!* What, Donna?"
"Say hello to Bobby Joe Houston for me!"


HAPPY WHAT, 500th YR BIRTHDAY??.......by Coralynn

Eleanor and Bethia and John carry the caterer's food inside and put it in the refrigerator.
"There! That oughta hold us!!" Eleanor cheers, "We could feed an army on what we got for this party!"
John opens a container and pokes around in it. Eleanor smacks his hands. "Not till later, fella!" she grins and he grins back.
"In a better mood now that you know Rose is coming to the party, aren't you?" Bethia comments.
He smiles and give her a thumbs up.

William bustles into the kitchen with a large package, "Where should I put this? The living room is filling up with presents. Ooooo, what have we here?" he opens the top of one of the food containers and starts to pull out a pastry when Eleanor smacks his hands.
"You guys should have had more lunch! Now leave that stuff alone!"
John gives William the nod and they both laugh.
"Do we have enough places for everyone to sit?" Marilyn asks as she helps put the food away.
"That chore was left to the men. William??" Bethia looks questioningly at him.
"Well, look outside! See the rented tables and chairs? We must have 30 chairs and 3 large tables that seat 10 people apiece. How many folks are we expecting, anyway? You never said, Eleanor."
"Just about everyone we know," she answers, "The people in the blue house, the ones over on Elmwood and us and Bill and Luke, of course, Vinnie and Sheila, and I guess that's it. Better to have too many seats than not enough."

Marthy is working away outside with Jack the tech expert, setting up the CD system so that music will play throughout the event.
She comes into the kitchen, smiling, "Jack said we're all set for the music! This time frame is amazing! I have to thank you all for bringing me here. Henry the 2nd would swallow his tongue if he could see how great we have it!" and with that she gives a wicked giggle.
"Yeah, the old fart," Eleanor adds, "He always thought he had all the power, but I guess we showed him, didn't we, Marthy?"
They exhange high-fives, which Marthy loves to do. Eleanor looks at her reddened palm and whines, "Hey, girl, you're too powerful for me!"

A car engine can be heard shutting off in the driveway.
"Must be ROSE!" Eleanor and Bethia both announce, "Let's get her in here! Ohhhh, and little Julie, now this is going to be the best party yet!"
"No media circus, right?" William says softly but intently.
The women all smile at him, then shrug their shoulders and go outside to help Rosamond inside with the baby.


At 7:30 everyone is there except the residents of the house on Elmwood Avenue.
Luke, Daniel and Bill are bringing Henry over on the pretext that William needs to try out a new recipe on everyone before he demonstrates it on his TV show.
As they approach the house from the back, everyone jumps out of hiding and shouts, "Happy Birthday, Henry!"
Henry looks confused; glances around to see if perhaps there's another Henry at the gathering, then, as they all smile at him and some even hug him, he figures it must he him they're feting.

"WOW! A birthday party for ME?" he is astounded. "But why?"
"Why not?" Eleanor laughs at him, "You great oaf, it's been a long time since anyone threw a party for you, right?"
"You are absolutely right there!" he agrees. "My, my, what a pleasant surprise!"
He sits on one of the rented chairs, but it isn't sturdy enough and begins to topple. Bethia rushes into the house for one of the solid kitchen chairs and brings it to him.
He acknowledges her kindness and moves over to that chair. "Ahhhh, what a treat! Are we going to eat?"
"Of course we're going to eat, and not just those fast food burgers, either, I'll bet!" Bill assures him, "Did you cook up some great grub, William?"
"No, the ladies wouldn't let me. They insisted on going to a caterer and bringing the food over from there. Said something about food poisoning, which is, of couse, utter nonsense.....no one has become ill from eating the food on my TV show since that one unfortunate woman in Yonkers left the meat out all day before she prepared it in one of my recipes. I don't feel responsible for that."
"That's right!" John joins in, "The tabloids sure made it look like you were to blame, though!"
"The less said about them the better!" William frowns.
Several of the group are now carrying out food to the tables in the yard. Henry looks at the variety and actually drools. Celeste, always sympathetic, runs over and wipes off his chin with a napkin.
"There! Now isn't that better? Would you like me to bring you a plate with a bit of everything on it, Henry?" she asks.
"Ahhhh yes, that would be magnificent. Celeste, you are a true blue blood, a true lady. If we were back at Court......"
"Oh no you don't!" she laughs as she goes off on her mission.

Daniel has been standing with Bill and Luke, but now decides to go to where Rose and the baby are seated, the baby wrapped in a light blanket, sleeping.
Rose sees him coming and tenses up, but then tells herself that if she can deal with BB, she can deal with Daniel.
Marilyn sees him approach Rose and makes sure to reach there herself at the same time.
"Let me see my daughter, Rose, take that blanket away so I can see her face!" he demands.
Marilyn, his nemisis, stands between Rose and him, looking up with a glower into his face.
"Go away, Marilyn, this has nothing to do with you. This is between me and......OWWWWWWW!"
Marilyn has punched him in the midsection again and stands there smiling triumphantly.
"Will someone please take this woman and lock her up?"
Everyone looks from one to the other, and conclude that they have no intention of locking her up.
Marilyn hisses at him, "You stay away from Rose, do you hear? Next time I aim lower. Remember that other time...?"
He limps off, defeated.
Eleanor is enjoying this scenario. Between Marilyn and herself, God help anyone who tries to harm one of their own.
There is quite a bit of noise heard in the front of the house.
"OH! Must be the group from Elmwood Avenue!" Bethia says as she and Eleanor and William run to investigate.
Bethia tells Eleanor, as they go to the front of the house that she hired a car to pick up the people in the Blue House and in the Elmwood Ave house.
"That was smart," Eleanor compliments her, "Look at them! Grace! Haven't seen her in quite awhile....not that I've missed her terribly.....oh and there's Rafe and Bess! Just a minute: who is that other woman, she looks familiar!"
Bethia stops and grabs Eleanor's arm and whispers "Oh my God! That's Susan Hemingway, the woman we think could be blackmailing John. Uh-oh!"

Grace is all atwitter, and pulls 'Susan' toward the main group in the back yard, "Everyone!" she announces, "We even have Susan the Avon Lady, now isn't that special?"
Some of the party goers have never set eyes on Susan before and smile indulgently.
Luke moves closer to Marilyn for protection. If Grace has one drop of alcholhol all hell could break loose and it wouldn't show him off to advantage if Grace began draping herself all over him again. He looks imploringly at Eleanor, who nods her head in recognition of his concern.
Bethia makes shocked eye contact with John. He moves closer to her and Celeste and Marilyn join them.
"There she is!" Marilyn whispers, "What should we do about it?"
Celeste, always sensible, says, "We don't want a scene, we don't want to spoil Henry's party, so just keep your eye on her and pretend nothing is amiss."
They all agree, but reluctantly.

Everyone finds a place at one of the three tables, and great quantities of food are consumed.
From the side of the house they hear, "Yooo hooooo, anybody home? Is this the party place or what?!"
"VINNIE!" Eleanor jumps up and runs over to where Vinnie and Sheila are walking into the back yard.
Hugs are exchanged and "It's been too long"s said.
Vinnie and Sheila don't recognize everyone at the party, so they sit at the table with Eleanor, William, John, Beth and Rose. Daniel has been banished to the furthest table back by an insistent Marilyn who marches toward him every time he gets within 20 feet of Rose. He sits there glowering, "I don't even get to see my very own daughter because Rose has that attack dog named Marilyn hovering around her. I hate that woman!

When everyone's appetite has been sated, there comes a change in the music coming over the CD system. It is now playing "Happy Birthday" and as they look toward the house, Bethia and Eleanor are carrying very possibly the largest birthday cake ever made toward Henry's table. The candles completely cover the top and resemble a bonfire.
Henry's face lights up with glee as the cake is placed in front of him.
"Make a wish and blow out the candles!" Grace sings out in a childlike voice.
Henry doesn't spend the time making a wish, but blowing out the candles becomes a many step process. He blows and blows and blows until finally those sitting near him add their breaths and the last candle flickers out.

'Susan' is watching this group of close friends with contempt. Fools, the bunch of them. I brought my cell phone, so watch out, suckers!

"PRESENTS! PRESENTS!" everyone begins to chant. Several people go inside and begin bringing out many boxes and containers of all sizes wrapped gaily.
"For me?! All for me?!" Henry feels like a small child again, well, maybe he was never a small small child, he was a chubby wubby child, but you get the idea.
The first one he opens is a decorated envelope from Vinnie and Sheila, "AHHHHH, a lifetime bus pass!"
William laughs loudly, as he and Vinnie were there the day he had to take Henry into Manhattan to try out for the Santa gig. Everyone else claps and laughs, but William gets the joke.
Henry looks at the bus pass and announces, "The buses around here are torture chambers on wheels!" which causes Vinnie and William to laugh harder, and the others join in because it must be funny or William wouldn't be all doubled over like that.
"This looks like an interesting package," he smiles as he picks up a small package with gold wrapping, "Hmm, and it says it's from Marilyn. Oh this should be good!"
He unwraps the gift and peers into the container......and pulls out a thong.
"What is THIS? he is genuinely confused.
"It's underwear, silly!" Marilyn claps her hands in glee.
"If you say so," he reaches for the next package as everyone else in the group, with the exception of Grace, who doesn't 'get it', laughs hysterically.
"OK, now, I hope you can control yourselves while I open the next gift," Henry sees something that is the right shape for a book and unwraps it.
Daniel yells from the back, "Read the title, Henry!"
No one makes a sound.
Henry gives in and reads out, "How to Pick up Chicks in Bars, Restaurants or on the Subway, for the Modern Manhattanite."
"Verrrrry funny," Henry is beginning to realize that all the gifts are going to be someone's idea of a joke.
Marthy is so eager, she picks up her gift and puts it in Henry's hand. Hmmm, another envelope; there's trouble.
He pulls out a certificate and reads, "Introductory Lessons in Ballet for Men."
"HA! HA!" he tries to sound like he's laughing, "Would I make a graceful ballerina or not?"
The next gift is in a huge box. Henry opens it and finds a slightly smaller box within, and within that one, a smaller one yet. After going through 10 or 12 progressively smaller boxes, he finally gets to the one that has.......an envelope.....of all things. He triumphantly holds it over his head and everyone cheers.

"A-ha! from William this time!" he tears it open and reads loudly, "Membership at Men with Muscles Gym, the place the truly sophistocated body builders go!"
He tosses that over his head and people laugh afresh.
"Now, I'll bet this one has something larger than an evelope in it!" he hoists a medium sized package up and rips into it. He pulls out a good sized baby doll. Affixed to the doll is a sign that he reads aloud, "If I have ten children, Henry, I'll give you the eleventh! Love, Rosemond." That one tickles him and he guffaws loud and long.

Henry finally controls his laughter, wipes his eyes, and picks up the next gift. This one is in the largest box in the pile.
"Well, well," he announces, "What might this be? It's big, but it doesn't weigh a lot. Hmmmm, and it's from......Eleanor. Oh-oh, that could be trouble!" he begins laughing again.
He no sooner has the top of the box off than this thing that looks like a woman rises out of it and would have gone straight up to the sky had it not been anchored by a chain inside the box.
He reads the card, "For the man who has everything.....but lacks one thing!" which makes him chuckle. He reins the blow-up doll back down so that it's at ground level.
He looks at the label hanging from the doll's panties, which he reads aloud, "Anatomically correct doll!"
Everyone goes into hysterics.
"Does this thing have a name?" he asks, trying to maintain his dignity and sense of humor at the same time.
No one answers.
"OK, then," he states, "I shall name you Gwendolyn. Why? Why not?!"
This sets off a fresh round of laughter.
'Susan' is not laughing, however. She is watching John, has been throughout the entire party. She sees John and Rose go into the house together.
Perfect, babydoll, now I'll just sidle out of the way here in behind these bushes, there, that's good, no one can see me, and punch in the phone number I know by heart. One ringy-dingy, two ringy-dingy, "Hello, this is babydoll and I still have that tape addressed to Montgomery. Pay up, sucker!"
She slides the phone back into her pocket and walks away into the yard of the house behind them. From there she cuts cross lots until she is far enough away from the party that they'll never find her. Good going, babydoll, now if I just knew where I was I might be able to go home!!
I think I'm going to have to move though.....yes, I can feel people closing in on me. I'll get home, somehow, even if I have to walk, pack up my belongings and check into a motel. With the money I'm pretty sure is in my Texas bank account, I can have Slim wire me some and check into a Motel 6. YES! I no longer have to stay in Motel 4! I'll quit that job, too. Makes me too public. Now, let's put a capper on that party. She dials up the Police and tells them that there's a drug deal going on in the back yard of the house on Winding Willow, the one right next door to that Castle, yes that one.

Back at the big house John and Rose run out into the back yard to catch Susan in the act, but there is no Susan.
"We'll get her yet," John whispers to Rose, "This isn't over by a long shot!"

Most of them are dancing to the gift Jack gave Henry, a recording of "I'm Hen-er-y the eighth I am, Hen-er-y the 8th I am, I am, I got married to the widow next door, she's been married seven times before and every one was a Hen-er-y......"

when they hear the siren.

They keep dancing. The sirens sound louder, and if they didn't know better, they would have thought the cop car was in their driveway. OH RATS! it IS.

Several cops swarm the back yard. Close behind them the ever-vigilant newspaper and TV reporters arrive.
Flash bulbs go off. Microphones are thrust in front of some of the party goers.
William stands up on top of one of the tables and yells, "STOP!!"
Everyone stops, amazingly, even the police.
"I want you off my property within 30 seconds or there will be hell to pay, do you understand?!"
By that time the police realize this was a crank phone call and withdraw. However, the media reporters are in no mood to be that reasonable.
"Where's the Marilyn Monroe clone? Ohhhhh, there she is!"
"Ms Adams, you're the lottery winner, aren't you? I heard you gambled it all away...."
Grace has been watching from the sidelines. She downs a glass of whiskey and boldly strides across the lawn. She fixates on this one good looking reporter from the newspaper, and undulates over to him, wrapping one leg around him. He startles, then succumbs. The TV cameramen all pan over to the scene.
William puts his head in his hands and groans.
"Why can't we have just ONE dinner party that doesn't end up in the headlines?"


______________.........by Terri


John was able to slip Rosamond out the back door when all hell broke loose. She waited until the fiasco moved to the back yard and she gave John a hasty but lingering kiss goodbye. Why do we expect anything different from any dinner or party that William has, Rose thought. The man is a walking magnet for disasters. Like Mary Tyler Moore in that rerun show. Daniel was a smoldering pain in the butt, too. Thank goodness for Marilyn! Is Daniel going to be my albatross the rest of my days? I'm afraid to go for a DNA with him because the real DNA might come out. At least not now.
She pulled into the carpark and saw that Billy Bob's truck was not home yet.
She dialed the Dew Drop Inn and got Verla on the phone.
"Hey, Verla--are they there?"
"They sure are, hon! Dad and Uncle J.R. and Billy Bob and Bobby Joe are really into the beers. They are taking a trip down memory lane. Happens everytime Uncle J.R. comes to town! I swear, if my dad didn't own this place, I wouldn't be here when the four of them get together. I just hope there aren't any fistfights. Do you want me to call you when Billy Bob is leaving? I swear, sometimes if he weren't my cousin..."
"No, that's OK, Verla. I'm going to take a bubble bath and watch an old movie. If they aren't home by the end of it, I'll just go to bed. Thanks!"
Well, another reprieve tonight! Not that Billy Bob was not attractive and sexy...but, well...

It was after 1:00 AM when Billy Bob and his dad came home. Rosamond woke up to the sounds of them struggling to shut the door and shh-ing each other up. Rose hurried up and closed the bedroom door. Not locked, but closed. She pretended she was asleep.
Outside the door, she heard Billy Bob and the senator helping each other up the stairs and their laughter. Within five minutes, she felt her husband drop on the bed. She lay perfectly still.
"Rose?" he whispered. No answer. "Rosamond? Honey?" He shook her.
"Mmm? What?" she faked drowsiness. Billy Bob put his arms around her and kissed her. "Montgomery, you are drunk! Just roll over and sleep it off." He persisted.
"If you continue to keep it up, I WILL scream."
"Go ahead. The old man is totally passed out."


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