My Poems

Always
It tries to accomplish
To alter the life I have chosen

Very soon
I might not be around
Then it will have won that day

“Go Away”
“Leave me in some peace”
“You horrible, revolting essence.”

It stops
Only when I seem to sleep
Then do I find that rare quite peace

It returns
Whenever I seem awake
And stays with me the entire day

No escape
From the destructive ways
Flowing through my warped psyche

Through
The day I keep fighting
Soon my weakness will give way

Soon
My fighting will cease
It will take over and consume me

Before
I fail and become undone
I must stay as long as I am willing

Every
Day is spent struggling
Now I do not have the energy to

Keep on
Fighting this evil force
I give in and I become stagnant

All
Of my being is forgotten
I am forever changed for the worst

I cringe at the sight of it all
The aimless guilt swirls through my soul
I am lost
I cannot sleep at night
Memories and lost hopes my only dreams
Tossing and turning each and every night
I awaken to the dry wet flow of my own tears
As my gut feels it may explode with sorrow
I find it hard; to eat, to do normal everyday tasks
I have delved into tombs of guilt
Built by walls of seething sadness
I am forever trapped in the world
Of my own unfaithful creation

Why is this written poem performed?
To enrich my emotion, even, show my skill
What I write is a definition of my desires
What I write is also never fully formed
What I write is hardly a half-truth
And now my trials shall be told
Here I had waited as my mind forsakes my beating love organ
Now she enters elegantly to forsake feelings of none
Why plunder me into this mundane madness?
Why shrivel my hungry heart beating ever more just for you?
I can write wonderful words spoken by Shakespeare and Sidney
But are sweet succulent and more clever, clichéic metaphors
The only way to announce my already established emotions?
Here, now, you view me most vulnerable
My soul is scratched onto this piece of paper
The words woefully forgotten by the eternal nights end
This poem is not all that I am

I get on the bus to go to school once again. Everyday it’s the same thing. The door opens and you step up, greet the bus driver, then head for a seat. Everyone had a different place they sat all the time. The high schoolers always sat in the back of the bus, while our kind and the middle schoolers were seated at the middle and the front. I would walk to usually find my friend Tim sitting, and I would grab a seat next to him. We always had the funniest and weirdest conversations, yet I cannot remember any of them. The memory that stands out the most is how we planned on making a boat, or in our case a raft. There was a creek near my house, and it flowed past his house. It flowed by near the school. It led into the Kanawha river, which led to others rivers until it reached the pacific. We planned on making it and sailing down it on day to get away from our troubles. A regular Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. Of course you could not actually sail down this little creek. The rocks and sand were so small in some places that you could lay down across both sides, and shallow in some areas, well, actually, it was shallow in pretty much all of the areas that you would never have to worry about drowning in there. I would never see Tim again in my lifetime. He could have grown up to be a Preacher like he wanted, or he could be a engineer or a lawyer for all I know. I can only dream of what his life has become, and still remember our blissful days as adolescents. Remember our childhood fantasies and how we were young the rules and rationalities of the adult world plus the physics of reality never interfered with our dreams.

Awaken; to a field,
Lush bushes and fertile trees
An encompassing terrain;
Weeds and forest
As far as the eye can see
The future is out there,
The hope of an enriching day
Is out there
The experiences of my life
Are out there
A shovel, a bag,
All lay out before me
The ground is fettered
Near my feet THEY start to rise,
Red bricks and cemented blocks
I could step over the barrier,
Yet I do not
The bricks grow
Soon I have no choice
But to stay within them,
And did I help them rise?
I can see eyes from the forest,
They do nothing but stare
No one comes to help
Occasionally they come
To seal another brick or two.
The walls have increased
I cannot escape
I start to lose light
A small hole up top the cell house
My only view
The wall has enclosed me inside
The mortar sides almost filled
Once complete
I will be trapped forever,
Only three bricks left
Still some chance of hope,
Pass me the hammer
Pass me the bomb,
I will not surrender to this
I will continue to fight,
I created this wall
And I will be the one to knock it down.

I recollect my thoughts and remember why I am here
I sit inside, a stowaway, aboard a train
Its destination, even I am not so sure
A women in a small bandana wrapped around her head looks at me
She turns her head a few times, as if to know my deeds
The train slows down, why couldn’t my life
I started stealing when I was still a teenager
I remember it clearly
I had stuffed one of the new albums off the shelf at the music store
They never suspected until I was already gone
That lead me to begin my life achieving after the possessions of others
I now stole to make my living, and buy that which sustains me
I fell into a world of drugs as well
Morphine, cocaine, along with various hardcore drugs I had to pay for my addiction
My parents never knew of my nightlife
They always assumed I was being a good boy
They believed they had taught me better than that
One day there was a dispute over the cost of my drugs
A man held a gun and I charged into him
He was shot, but was somehow able to stumble away from me
I found myself noticed the aftereffects of my handiwork
One company I had robbed lost its savings
Without insurance yet they closed their shop
They probably live in a trailer, if that now
Another organization was not able to send it's funding
To some starving children in a foreign country or something
I had gone home one day and discovered what I had never wanted to
My parents had found the drugs under my dresser
And had noticed that multiple items in my room were stolen
And so I sit on this train going nowhere
It stops and I stand to face a new world
Yet as I walk out the door, I am always haunted by my fathers words
He and my mother were not proud of me
Nor were they wanting to accept me
They decided I was not worth their effort when they had given me everything
Given me every opportunity at happiness.
My mother had asked what should be done of our only son
Yet father knew of only one answer for her
To this day his words will forever toil in my subconscious
“He’s no son of mine.”

Stretch me forth from these chains of captivity
Whence broken from the metals of solitude
Makes a strong bond between us
Together we are united, we are as one
Our bodies smothered together
Stuck jointly, as cement and glue hold us from falling apart
Relationship ending and beginning, we are linked
Together a force that ties us collectively,
Mentally, Physically, And Spiritually
Corded in a connection unsurpassed
Wrapped in a blanket; compressing us; locking us together
Fastened down in unity of this word