aka: Reasons to go postal
aka: Things that piss me off
Last updated 6th Jul 06
The new stuff is at the bottom!
Disclaimer
The views expressed by the contributors to this website (in addition to the designers contributions) do not necessarily reflect the views of the site's designer, host, anyone who links to this website or any company, service or logo in any way connected with this website.
Chavs Junkies
Townies People Who Drop Litter
The Cost Of Driving Licensing
Hours Private Landlords Christmas
Paedophiles Australian Soaps
Traveling Fairs Ravers Spam
DJ's Religion Dogs
Soft Porn Feminism Calling
a Woman a Bird Fashionable Bisexuality Old
People White Guys Who Talk Like Their Black Fox
Hunters Hunt Saboteur's Employment
Agencies Rabbits 99% of Rap
Music The Co op Astrology
Most Haunted Creme Fresh Football
Other Road Users Store Security Ensign Wesley Crusher Games Teachers Pre-pay Mobile Phones Proxy Servers The TV Licence Bloatware Toyah Wilcox Debt collection Agencies The gas board Wast of Bandwidth The word "Hence"
Things That piss Other People Off.
Chris Moyles (Steve) Celebrities
With No Atributes (Steve) Small minded retired heads
of organisations......(Nicci) Househunting (Lizzie)
Eeeek! (Sam) Assorted (Allie)
Rucksacks in shops (Tommy) Chavs
(Paul) Trustafarians (Paul) Pub
Food (Paul) Tv Chiefs (Emma) Clowns
(Emma) Supermarkets (Emma) Reality
Tv (Emma) Rude People (Emma) White
Trash & Ignorant Motorists (Stew)
Liars, Losers & Wankers (Tommy) Computers (Steve) America, Otaku & snot (Houston) Becky Mantin (Janeyferr) Lisa Wilkins (JK Kemp) Thingz (Sinead) Manpower (Chris) "Skum", not "Scum" (Stuart B) Coughing instead of "excuse-me" (Chris) Richard Branson, Student Cafe's & Lift doors (Steve) "Political correctness" (slam) DVD's (Slam)
Halton
moor, yesterday.
How to spot: Baseball cap, jogging bottoms with stripe, dirty white trainers, several gold chains, love bites, barely able to string a sentence together. Always trying to borrow a cig of you, also thick, lazy, lacking in any taste or imagination.
Where to spot: Benefit office, porn shop, Hanging round outside my house, off licence (trying to get credit for 10 Regal King-size, microchips or Sunny Delight.) or your car, screeching round some housing estate.
Comment: These people are usually brought (dragged) up in large families or broken homes on child benefit. The fact that their parent(s) were too busy "down the pub" to teach them to speak probably explains their difficulty with language. Even though they live in overcrowded conditions they always seem to need a huge dog, which rarely gets walked and is allowed to shit everywhere. If you cant afford to smoke either stop, get a job or commit suicide, scumbag. UGLY STUPID PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO BREED!
update
Burberry have ceased production of baseball caps because of the association with chavs
Check out www.chavscum.co.uk
also:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav#Origin
Click here and check this sound file.
update
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a supporter of eugenics. I am a rather an endomorphic being myself and have hereditary blood pressure, which will probably do for me long before I have to worry over my missing pension. But Chavs, to me are a prime example of what you get when Darwin's laws are removed from the equation. With natural selection, only the biggest, fastest, smartest etc. survive to pass on their DNA. These days you only have to be able (barely) to fill in a benefit form and you can breed like a rabbit on viagra. It's a conspiracy from the baseball cap, jogging bottom, huge white trainer manufacturers.
How to spot: Similar to chavs but without the gold and a thick filthy coat all year round. Pale sunken face.
Where to spot: City centres. (especially London & Leeds)
Comment: Walking through Leeds city centre Ill be accosted several times by someone chanting "buy a Big Issueooo", Ill say no thank you. They'll say "spare us some change then", I say, "No, sorry" They'll say, following me down the street "You must be able to spare me some money I want some food (smack)", I say, "FUCK OFF JUNKIE, NOBODY FORCED YOU TO GET ADDICTED TO HEROIN!" And then I stab them......
In my mind!
I know a couple of big issue sellers, and there not fucking homeless at all. I never used to mind tramps begging money for whisky. They had a kind of Catweazle charm to them but the junkies chased them off. I especially like it when tramps fight. (so fucking cool) I once saw one tramp having a piss on his mates head, who was too drunk to notice. (lol)
How to spot: Always in large groups wearing either the strip of the local football team or pascal sleeveless shirts, shoes from Topman. They may be drunk and chanting and refer to themselves as "the lads".
Where to spot: City centres at a weekend, football matches or stamping on you head.
Comment: Townies present an interesting insight into pack mentality. When together they lose the ability to think as an individual and will reflect this by the way the dress. I believe talking about football all the time is a form of male bonding. Townies can often be racist and homophobic, the latter probably a symptom of self-doubt in that department. They like to consider themselves to be "Hard". Bunch of ignorant, loutish, gobshites. Have you noticed how townie women will wear a short skirt and no tights in sub zero temperatures?
Theres a lot of crossover between townies and white trash.
Update:
They always seem to find it funny and "original" to call me
Meatloaf in the street. This has gone on for years. I don't especially look
like him. I'd find it funny and "original" to point out that,
to me, they look like the product of a sexual union between siblings, but I don't, cause
they'd probably chin me.
update
Townies are chavs with jobs. They are the reason that 'x factor' and 'big brother' are made. They will always embarrass us abroad. And use phrases like foreign muck. Why would an English person go to an English pub in Spain? If the stupid Tory buttholes could stop being outraged for a moment. 24 hour drinking could actually work if it wasn't for townies.
How to spot: They drop litter
Where to spot: Everywhere (especially outside my fucking house)
Comment: I don't care if it provides work for someone, it pisses me off. I used to get a bunch of shithead kids who would park up beside my house talking loudly. When they left there would be a pile of pizza boxes and pop cans. Why don't they go to the pub like normal people.
I also like to refer to litter as "Chav droppings"
In spite of large fines they still do it! What next the death penalty?
So you own a car. You pay your tax because that surely pays for your use of the roads. You pay insurance (which is also taxed at source as well as VAT) in case you have a little accident. Then you get some fuel, which is taxed to buggery. If you go anywhere in this country at more than an amble, you trigger a speed camera (a huge fine and points on your licence which increases your insurance payments), You pull over to get a coffee and then have to pay some twat £80 to remove the wheel clamp. And finally I find out that it's going to cost me £260 for a brake calliper because my car was made in Korea.
Update:
I've just found out I was tagged by a filthy nonse cunt of a speed camera and now have a £60 fine and 3 points on my clean for 11 years licence. I was only a few mph over! They insist the cameras are not there to raise revenue. BULLSHIT!!!!!! BULLSHIT!!!!!! BULLSHIT!!!!!! BULLSHIT!!!!!! BULLSHIT!!!!!! BULLSHIT!!!!!! BULLSHIT!!!!!! BULLSHIT!!!!!! BULLSHIT!!!!!!
Update:
You know, just when I thought I couldnt get any more pissed off, I was in a minor car crash. Click here to see my report to the insurance company.
So they've loosened a bit but you still cant get a bottle of whisky from an off-licence on a Sunday night after 22:30. Are they worried that the entire country will all get pissed one Sunday night, not turn up for work on Monday and bring the economy to a standstill.
How to spot: Usually driving a BMW estate with a mattress in the back.
Where to spot: Student areas and slums.
Comment: You save up your £300 bond and your £300 months rent in advance and eventually you've secured your bedsit (box room with a 1970's sink and cooker hastily added) and then he wants to kick you out because he wants to move his family in, which translates into "I can make more money off students" And then you have to sue them to get you bond back because of a stain on the already filthy carpet. Given the experience of me and many others I would like to encourage people, especially in the case of Leeds 6 landlords and those small private letting agencies that are turning up all over Leeds 6, to sign up for a property with the minimum initial outlay (use a false name) and then pay fuck all else until they have to take you to court to evict you but by then you've already absconded with all the fixtures and fittings and given the keys to a bunch of crack heads. (That'll piss em off, He He!)
Its tacky, garish, nothing to do with it's Pagan/Christian roots, probably invented by Coca Cola, every where's closed, there's fuck all on the telly, your in a room full of screaming kid with relatives that live far away for a reason. I 'm told the suicide rate sours at Christmas, there taking the easy way out. New years is nearly as bad. No cunt ever sends me a card.
(?)
Nasty! They should be used for ballistics testing.
Update: (Tommy)
I reckon paedophiles should be tattoed blue allover, and just simply be released into ths community, so we can all recognise them, this way we can all take our angst out on them. My mate Jon from Ware, (Herts that's Where) reckons they should be used to replace animals in vivisection experiments, and then when they're of no further use be used by the army for target practice - how about those apples?
What an irritating load of bollocks have you ever met a real Australian, have the scriptwriters. After occasionally being forced to watch it by females, I found the moment they ever have an even remotely interesting character there either killed off or learn their moral lesson and become as boring and conservative as the rest of them. I HATE THEM!
Several times a year a nasty little gypsy run fair appears on a field near me. It seems to act like a magnet for all the white trash in the area. I 've nothing against gypsies as such. I don't understand why they have some death trap of a ride with the Terminator and Tina Turner airbrushed onto it and what charity shop do the dj's on the walsers get there records from? You can spend a few quid extracting a plastic duck from a pool of stagnant water using a stick with a hook on the end to win a bag with a dead goldfish in or You'll be handing a sour faced nicotine stained 15 year old £5 to be jiggled about in the air (on a ride not by the 15 year old) until you wanna puke while his cousin is burgling your house.
I log into my hotmail account and find Ive got mail, I think somebody, somewhere wants to communicate with me but alas no. If its not porn or credit agencies its sodding penis/breast enlargement. Do I look like I need fucking breast enlargement? Oh, you cant see me from there. Well take it from me. NO. Ill get back to them in 2020 about the herbal viagra. (Ok, 2010 then.)
How to spot: Sweating, gurning, spouting nonsense.
Where to spot: Nightclubs, disused factories, a field somewhere.
Comments: I 'm not a big fan of E myself and that's all ravers talk about. "Good E this!" "How's your E?" They sweat, they pull faces they dance for 9 hours and have no conversation and then they try and hug you. E's dont agree with me. I dont do "loved up"
How to spot: Often ugly, dressed like a tit and coked up to their eyeballs.
Where to spot: Over priced nightclubs.
Comments: I remember when a dj was the guy who played records on a glitter covered twin deck at a relatives wedding or a disco. Why should a dj get as much if not more money and respect than a musician for playing recordings of someone else's music and shouting "cummmon!" and "here we go" every so often?
Wankers!
I've nothing against people living by whatever religion they choose.
Never has there been a better way to control large amounts of thick people. Religious control seems to work best in an environment were there's high illiteracy and poor education.
I do seem to believe in: "What goes around comes around", for some reason I cant properly explain.
On the whole, religion is more trouble than it's worth. Jesus was a philosopher and nothing else. So, up yer bum till Tuesday!
Update:
Several court cases over the last few decades have concerned teenagers listening to "Satanic" heavy metal music and due to subliminal "reversed" messages have been commanded to take drugs or shoot themselves. I think, in reality, the most likely cause:
1. Their Bible bashing parents/community.
2. Teenagers are bonkers anyway.
If I were in a band I wouldn't do anything to cause my record buying, gig attending, merchandise buying fans to kill themselves.
Well maybe if they'd illegally downloaded my albums off Napster!
Update:
I saw a documentary the other day on how certain "Bible belt" states in America, namely Pennsylvania, are fighting a legal battle to have creationism taught in class instead of evolution. They insist that God created the entire Earth and all its residents, six thousand years ago in only six days and of cause rested on the seventh, well that's one busy week.
This is another example of science versus religion. Not wanting to get too far into this debate but, lets pretend that we didn't share over 98% of our DNA with chimpanzees. What's a formal method of: observation, hypothesis, testing and debate got over a book, which, I'm told still insists that the sun goes round the Earth, and what about the dinosaurs who, countless tests suggest, died out 65,000,000 years ago?
See http://www.commondreams.org/cgi-bin/print.cgi?file=/headlines04/1220-08.htm
Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! KICK!!
They sh1t out of one end, drool out of the other. People who own dogs nearly always have smelly houses, hair on the furniture and half chewed saliva covered rubber toys. I especially dislike Yorkshire terriers. Horrible yappy pointless things that look like a toupee on legs. You just wanna stamp on them for an hour. Or maybe it's just me.
update
Their only redeeming feature is you can train them to bite people.
How to spot: No Muff
Where to spot: Late night on channel 5 (Red shoe diaries)
Comments: People who hate porn hate it and people who like porn hate it.
How to spot: Often fat and miserable.
Where to spot: Student union offices and NUS AGM's
Comments: I 've nothing against women's rights, but the war is over and the women won and that's ok by me. What do they want now, for the male race to be brought to trial for war crimes? They just hate men, probably due to some childhood incident. They should get over it or just plain fuck off.
I t seemed almost charming when Michael Cain used the term in the film "Alfie" But now it just make you sound like a dick head.
(?)
How to spot: Girls usually 16 trying to look 19. They'll have a snog with their female friend and then look round to see how many people saw it. They'll tell you about their bisexuality even when you didn't ask.
TATU
Where to spot: Clubs favoured by underage drinkers.
Comment: I don't find it shocking, I find it boring. 90% grow out of it, 10% are probably genuine. It is fun to watch though. Oh sod it, I take it all back!
How to spot: wearing a thick coat and woolly hat in summer, doddering along at 1 mph and not letting you past.
Where to spot: At bus stops, church halls, doing 40mph in a 70 zone.
Comments: There slow, they can't work computers, they like to talk about there internal organs. They seem to fondly reminisce about the war. If they really do miss borderline malnutrition, owning very little, people dying around them every day and not knowing if they themselves will be alive the next day they should enjoy a state run old peoples home.
Hated by white and black alike.
How to spot: They look like the Joshua Tetley corporate logo.
Where to spot: In the country, in a range rover, in court sentencing me to community service, being bound and whipped by a dominatrix in Soho.
Comment: I 'm told that it's necessary to cull foxes as part of countryside management. As Ill probably never be rich enough to live in the country, Il have to take their word for it, but when I see some pompous, bloated, old style fascist, Tory shit, setting his dogs on a fox and feeling like a hero, I think its no different from bull fighting. I am told that employees of the foxhunters often catch a live fox days before the hunt and let it go just ahead of the hunters to provide a better chance of a kill. ( a friend of mine used to do this) At least in bull fighting, the bull sometimes wins. They should give the fox a fucking gun or something.
How to spot: driving around in dirty vans wearing wax jackets dread locks and facial piercing.
Where to spot: near a foxhunt or in the University bar.
Comments: Load, smelly, annoying, self-righteous rich kids who'll probably finish their degree in politics and philosophy and get a nice job in the city. Then they won't care about foxes. I know an ex hunt sab who's just gone into local politics. At least they piss foxhunters off though.
You find your self working in some factory or some office for £4.70 an hour and you realise that for every hour you work the company is paying £20 so simple math tells me that some greedy soul sucking parasite is getting the other 75% for doing fuck all apart from removing the employers obligation to give you any rights or respect and they know they can fire you on the spot if they need a scapegoat. My solution is to sign on while working (don't get caught) and steal as much as possible from both employer and agency. They're stealing from you! I got a nice handheld spell checker from my agency. This was about 12 years ago.
Evil, black hearted little bastards. A friend of mine has a phobia to rabbits and he tells me he was at a neighbour's house who had kids. He didn't realise they had a rabbit running free around the house, so when it ran up to him catching him by surprise, (obviously to attack) he had, what can only be described as a fear induced black out and stamped with both feet on the thing, killing it stone dead.
He was never invited round again.
It seems a good way to make money these days is to steal a classic song from the 80's or 90's get some cute girl to sing and then have some black guy rap in the background, mostly just going "Yo! Yo! Yo!" or chuntering on about how good he is with women. Its tired, its old, its clich'. Its sh1t! Yo! Nuff said homeee!
They have the quality of Netto and the prices of Sainsburys. It's the only place I 've seen where the "own brand" products are more expensive than the "brand name" products. They pay there employees a pittance and the stores are always under staffed. Which means there's only ever one till open, staffed by a 16 year old on £3.50 an hour. You can save up green shield stamps or whatever the fuck there called now. I think the going rate is 100,000,000 stamps to get a toaster made in Kazakstan. I HATE THE DAMN PLACE and I think it should be shoplifted out of business or set on fire or both. JUST DONT SHOP THERE, EVER!
Its complete and utter bollocks.
Most haunted is a program on the Living TV channel about the paranormal where they take a camera crew to haunted locations looking for ghosts. Its bollocks! My mate Roger swears by it, I swear at it. Professional psychic investigators can search for years with all the knowledge and equipment and find nothing, but get a third rate TV presenter and a (con man) psychic and a camera crew and the ghosts are more than happy to perform. I was dragged to witness the filming of an episode and even the crew thought it was bollocks. Roger insisted that because the presenters stayed in character during the break, that this was proof. bollocks. Roger once challenged me to spend an evening at a haunted location. We saw bugger all!.
BIG BOUNCING BOLLOCKS!!
Update:
I've recently been warned that the supposedly psychic presenter has sued several website owners for saying he's a fraud. If he's psychic he probably knows about me already. Woooooooooooooooo!
Update
I heard recently that the guy was set up and exposed as a fraud but is still making psychic investigation programs (?)
What the fuck is it?
Here's the answer courtecy of Welsh Chris
Do you mean creme fresh, tasting of hazelnuts with a hint of tang, cr'me fra'che which is France's favorite form of cream for cooking? With more body and complex flavors than fresh sweet cream, cr'me fra'che the thick, rich, custard of a cream? Thickens without curdling, a little goes a long way in fast pan sauces, and blended with fresh herbs and a dash of fresh lemon, cr'me fra'che the most splendid over seafoods and poultry? The dollop it over fresh fruit, or whip and lightly sweeten to frost or fill cakes?
....or shove it up your arse as a lubricant!
I think its boring as fuck and only exists to give townies something to talk about. (see Townies)
People who beep there horn if it takes more than 5 nanoseconds for you to realise the lights changed. "I was busy scratching my arse mate" People who drive 12 inches away from your back bumper on the motorway. People who overtake on the inside after hovering in you blind spot for a few miles. People who don't indicate on roundabouts. YOUR ALL SCUM AND DESERVE TO DIE!
I can't seem to go into a supermarket without some moron, wannabe policeman following me around. It really gets on my tits. The other day, one particularly persistent security guard followed me all round the store so I started introducing him to other customers as "my personal body guard". If he's resigned to follow me around all day, the least he could do is carry something for me.
I can only assume that they were trying to appeal to a younger audience when they included the child character Wesley Crusher in the series Star Trek: the Next Generation. The Spotty, child prodigy, annoying little shit who make's the first series of Next Generation almost un-watchable. He was probably there for his innocence so he could ask questions like: "why do they do that?", "Why is that allowed to happen?", "What is happening?" at times when 75% of the viewers didn't have a clue what was going on or hadn't caught the moral message.
How to spot: On or off duty you know they'll be wearing there rugby kit.
Where to spot: At the heart of most of your hang ups and insecurities, Especially if you're one of the increasing number of the calorifically challenged.
They like nothing better than to torture the fat kid. I always wondered if they had some "be cruel to be kind" mentality or whether there just sadistic nazi bastards.
Also, 99% of the female ones are gay. Thats scientific fact, that is!
30 pence a minute!? They can shove it up their bums they can! I used to get a tenner credit and it would be gone by the end of the week. Unlike most of the girls I know, I CAN actually have a phone call that lasts ten seconds. E.g. "Off to pub? See you there at eight, lend me a tenner" etc. I don't call from my mobile any more; I just use it for people to contact me. The mobile networks have a cartel where they promise not to undercut the competition (Their Illuminati, David Ike's lizard people, buddies) and keep the price artificially high. And another thing, the answer phone greeting is stupidly long. Why do they have to slowly read the number back to you, you've only just typed it in?
T e l e p h o n e "pause" n u u m b e r "pause" 0 "pause" 7 "pause" 9 "pause" 4 "pause" 6 "pause" 6 "pause" 6 "pause" 6 "pause" 6 "pause" 6 "pause" 6 "long pause" I s s s "pause" n o t "pause" a v a a I l a b l e "pause" t o o "pause" t a a k e "pause" y o u r "pause" c a l l "long pause" pleeeese "pause" l e e e a v e "pause" a "pause" m e s s s s a g e "pause?" a a f t e r "pause" t h e "pause" t o n e."fucking long pause" beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
Then, your credit runs out
Ok that's it I've had it. The public library is one of the only places I can get internet access but their net nanny program wont let me see or work on my own site no matter how much I asterisk out swear words and try and keep it, at least in the same postal district as p. c. They seem to have caught up with all the proxy avoidance methods I know of at the expense: the network is slow as hell and keeps going down. Well fuck 'em all, They can shove it up their self righteous arses.
People say, "Oh, if you get rid of the BBC, you'll be left with commercial channels churning out loads of samey, pedestrian tat" This is bollocks. Channel 4 had made some of the best British films since their launch. The only reason the BBC is allowed to extort money from us is "I'm told" they're a transmitter of subtle pro-government propaganda. Check out www.tvlicensing.biz.. With the launch of satellite and cable you had the chance to disconnect your aerial therefore be unable to receive BBC and get the fascist TV cops off your back. The BBC was quick to respond by making sure their channel was included (whether you wanted it or not) in all satellite and cable packages. I rarely if ever watch BBC and wouldn't miss it if it disappeared but I'm billed for it. They'd say it was there if I wanted it. I had an idea the other day. Why don't I send the BBC a key to my spare room and then at the end of the year bill them for the rental because it was there if they wanted it. If people really need the BBC it should join the open market like all the rest of the subscription channels. Sign the petition at www.bbcresistance.com
aka anything written by Microsoft
Installing windows, as you do, the other day I couldn't help noticing how much crap (apart from windows) it likes to put on your precious hard drive space. What the hell is Win TV? It doesn't do anything! Briefcase? I may need the Accessibility options if I were really pissed. And of cause Online Services just to make sure your first email account is with Microsoft or one of its Lizard people sister companies.
They like to know what your up to....
And a final word about the Microsoft Office assistant. (The animated paperclip in Word) I want it to piss off and leave me alone. It gives you the option to hide the assistant. Hide? That means it's watching me. I want the option to kill it slowly and then burn the remains.
Not for any other reason than, She completely murdered "Don't stop me now" by Queen on some celebrity Queen tribute night last week. Lisping cow!
Is it just me, or do they mostly come after the poor and vulnerable i.e. single mothers or the elderly. From what I've read and witnessed. One of their favourite tactics is to delay your payment by filing your cheque with Mr Shredder so as to warrant a visit from some of their White van driving, sovereign ring wearing Neanderthals. They'll turn a minor debt into a huge sum in just a few visits so they can buy more fake tan and sovereign rings.
A few months ago I noticed a card had been put through my door with lots of red text on. (I bet they go through a lot of red ink cartridges.) It said they had called round today to either cut me off or fit a pre-pay token meter. I called them back saying that as they had never bothered to send me a gas purchase card, in spite of the fact I had phoned them three times, for the Pre-pay meter I already had, I could have saved them a journey on both counts.
They also seemed to think Id used £300 worth of gas in one month even though as well as having no gas purchase card, I also had no working gas appliances. What do they think I'm doing, building airships?
Fucking Muppets!
I don't know how many times this happens. I'm looking for something on Google and when I click on, what seems like a pertinent link, I'm redirected to a page containing the results of some other crappy loser search engine that's trying to persuade me to buy unrelated crap.
The same as spam:
IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK
IM NOT GOING TO BUY YOUR SHIT. IF EVERYTIME I SEE IT IM FEELING ANNOYED. SEE. "PAVLOV'S DOG"
If you ever read the free ad publications, like "the yella" or "free ads". Half the adds those brainless fuckers post contain the word hence. Hence, hence fucking hence. What's wrong with saying "therefore" (or "ergo" if you want to sound clever?)
The case is slightly damaged; hence I'm selling for £9.99.
It's completely smashed to bits! Hence.
They had to cut off my grannies finger with bolt cutters to get this ring off, hence.
The views expressed by the contributors to this website (in addition to the designers contributions) do not necessarily reflect the views of the site's designer, host, anyone who links to this website or any company, service or logo in any way connected with this website.
Because he's not as good as Mark and Lard.
What are Jordan and Tara Palmer Tomkinson actually for?
(dunno, to give profesional footballers something to do?)
I had one who stood with his hands on his hips glaring at me as I sat in said space on my mountain bike waiting for a gap so I could pull out- he had actually stopped a few metres ahead of me thus blocking my way anyway (the stupid prat) so I had to ask him to move as there was no way I was going to alter my course for him. Needless to say he had a Mercedes and was appalled that a girl on a bike should have scuppered his parking domination-! I told him to get a life which probably brought him one step closer to a heart attack....
(Up the revolution!)
Househunting gives me much rage,
because students clearly want to live in a fetid pit
of hell for a vastly unreasonable price, 'cos we are
clearly not real, functioning human beings worthy of
British safety standard accomodation until we have
graduated and have to live off the state when our
skills prove to be grossly undervalued and under paid.
Enough said.
OK. You wanna know what pisses me off?
Constipation. Therefore bloating. Bleeding gums. Bachache. Insatiable
appetite (doesn't help constipation) VERY bad hair days. Spots at my age.
Headaches. Rashes for no reason. Veiny boobs.Nausea which doesn't seem
to affect insatiable appetite. And... a 'thickening waist'.
Yep, I 'm pregnant and only 6 short months to go!
Can't wait for the huge belly, varicose veins, piles, swollen ankles, cracked
nipples and exacerbation of all of the above......
But I am pissed off in a very happy way!!!
Enough for ya?
(You trying to turn me on or something?)
people who can't spell
misplaced (or omitted) apostrophes (especially on signs.... that realllly fucks
me off.... I 'm gonna get a big apostrophe stencil and a can of spray paint and
go fix them.....)
my sister
student loans.,..... (national minimum wage gives you 15 grand a year.... maximum
student loan gives you 4 grand... hmmmm.... and its totally possible to live
off that)
the sun (it burns me)
people who get parking tickets and think they're allowed to whinge and whine
(hum.... suggest parking somewhere you're allowed to)
people who rant about politics and don't fucking vote.... (the ONE chance we
have to do something about it.... small as it is)
Drew Barrymore.....
little rich bastards at uni who say " you work!!!?????" and
drive past me EVERYFUCKINGDAY in their lil snazzy cars and NEVER offer
me a lift.... (note: the hill is also very steep)
smackheads who ring my buzzer and expect me to let them in the communal door
to our flats....
smackheads
will this do for now??..... I lovvvvve this game!!
(Cheers me dear)
(The national minimum wage for an adult I think is actually less than 8 grand a year. And less than that if your under 17)
I hate it when you're in a shop, and some twat doesn't have the sense to take his damn rucksack off, and carry it instead. So they wander around bumping into people, not realising it, because they have all the space in the world. And the amount of times you have to say 'excuse me? ' goes up too, why can't they just take them off, or why can't there be a hand in polocy where you are required to leave it at the door, be issued with a cloakroom ticket. It would stop shop lifting too!!
White trash, undereducated, ignorant scum - see http://www.chavscum.co.uk
You're white - get over it. Not washing your hair for two years does not make you a one with nature, it just makes you smell like a dead horse.
Tastes like it was pre-chewed and spat out. The pictures on the menu show an extremely active imagination at work as they never seem to bear any resemblence to the food on the plate.
I'm feeling angry cos I just banged my finger n my nail snapped off and it hurts so I 'll write my stuff for your website now. Ah the many things that piss me off...
clowns- they're clearly hiding something with that hideously garish make-up. why try to make yourself look so happy if you're not trying to cover up the fact you're an evil, twisted, murdering psychopath. Also, those baggy trousers look strangely like the 'trust me trousers' featured in Brass Eye. They're clearly designed to disguise enormous erections at childrens parties. There is nothing even remotely funny about clowns and anyone that thinks there is, is as twisted as the clowns themselves. They should all die a slow and painful death.
On a related note, mime artists, ventriloquists/dolls and those stupid people that paint themselves silver are also evil and the earth should be rid of them. For god's sake get a real job and stop harrassing me every time I go to Covent Garden.
(You should see clown porn. They have stripy willys, eugh)
It is responsible for a complete dumbing down of the nation. It never fails to astound me how much the alleged 'celebrity' stars of these programmes are idolised. Big brother in particular is infuriating. people travel for miles to go and watch someone walk out of a house and they actually go to the effort of making posters and banners to let these extremely boring and average people know that they 'love' them. For Christ's sake, all they do is sit in a house smoking, talking shit or sleeping. If people find that so stimulating they should just move into student accomodation and stop taking up valuable television time with this cack.
Maybe this is not so much the supermarkets themselves, but the people who occupy them. It seems as if every time someone enters one they lose all their mental and physical faculties. For example, I 'd go into ASDA simply wanting a pint of sodding milk and I have to contend with not only old women gossiping in the middle of an aisle, but women with about eight children surrounding the entire dairy section and people walking so slow that the milk will have gone off by the time I get there anyway, but when I finally get to the checkouts they're nearly all closed, have enormous queues, are broken, or the person working there is so thick that they can't even work the till.
In particular Ainsley Harriot and Jamie Oliver, although Gary Rhodes and that cock that was on Hell's Kitchen are pretty annoying as well and that one who looks like a dwarf and has a stupid double barrelled name. In fact fuck it, I hate them all, they're all so irritatingly smug and seem to think that being able to cook a decent meal entitles them to be complete and utter twats. Jamie Oliver's face and preposterous mockney accent make me feel so ill that I don't think I 'd be able to eat after looking at him anyway and Ainsley Harriot clearly eats babies.
It takes absolutely no time and effort to simply say please and thank you, or to hold a door open for someone, so why is it that so many people seem incapable doing this. An incident which was particularly infuriating happened when I was in London. I was on my way to the train station, clearly struggling to carry a lot of bags along a crowded street, when I spied a bunch of nuns heading towards me. Being under the mistaken impression that they helped other people, I thought they'd move to let me through, but no, instead they rudely barged me out of the way almost knocking me to the ground. For the love of God, if nuns can't even show you any courtesy I don't hold out much hope for anyone else. (maybe I should list nuns under my list of things that piss me off too).
Aaaahhhhh, I feel better for that. although I 'm sure there's a lot more anger to be vented at a later date.
(Sock it to em, baby!)
One the things that really piss me off is young ignorant white trash.
They way they don't respect their elders & strut round like they own
the world, puffing their chests out like they're Mr.universe.
One other thing that pisses me off is car drivers that don't respect cycle
riders almost knocking them off. I was heading to Morrisons earlier today
& there was a bunch of young lads on their bikes, a car driver was
wanting to turn in to park at the side of the stick & twist. He threatened
to fucking knock one of their head off his fucking shoulders even though
the cycle rider had the right off way, What a prick.
--------rant mode on!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate liars, losers and wankers, people who lie to you, I used to buy second hand records from a shop called Gerol's Records in Merrion Mini Market (( now under new management) but you can still see the name under the new paint.) Sometimes Gerol was good, sometimes Gerol sold bootlegs (illegal recordings eagerly sought after by fans) I went in once and asked for some bootlegs. And Gerol swore blind he's never ever sold any bootlegs, which makes him a lying bastard. I called him a liar, he went beserk shouting 'You don't come in here and call me a liar!!!!!!' I could have understood it if he'd have said " give it a couple of weeks, but the coppers are watching me" But I guess LYING to 16 year old rock fans must pay better/be more fun/hours are better, or something. So I went down to Millgarth (Leeds Police station(pig shoptee hee!!)) and grassed the LYING BASTARD up!!!!!! They said all they could do was get on to the BPI British Phonographic Institute. I said fine. Let me tell you I would not have done that if I had not been lied to, even if he'd never sold me another record. It was the denial I couldn't swallow!!!! Gerol you're a liar!!!!!!
Losers. I can't do with toss it off scum who can't buy their own rounds, it's not a crime to be poor, get a job, stop being the problem, and become part of the solution, people who say 'I'm knackered' or 'I can't be bothered' 'I'm bored!' which is a self insult, it's the ultimate admission of lack of intellect. Fuck off and wise up
wankers, either of the above, but just twats who hang out expecting a free show, who expect you to entertain them, and to be able to bore you with how depressed they've been. and who pinch ideas, fuck heads with no originality, sheep who just follow the crowd.
Get a life vermin----------rant mode off!!!!!!!
(Wow, I hope Gerol dont try 'n sue me for putting this on the net! Personally I've bought one record there and it seemed ok. It was Alice Cooper: Killer, in case you were interested. Nah, didn't think so.)
Computers (Dictated for Steve)
That cream coloured box with a screen and keyboard that sits in the corner and sneers down its electronic nose at you.
They lull you into a false sense of security leading you to believe them a "labour saving device"
Several weeks ago after three bottles of red wine, I was attempting to write a letter to the Inland Revenue on headed paper. Every time I pressed a different command, the font size changed so I'd spend five minutes trying to find the font size I wanted. As soon as I pressed enter the font size change back to whatever the computer seemed to want. I rang Derv who was in Brixton (oddly enough) to ask his advise explaining that if this fucking computer doesn't do my bidding, I will, standing on my office chair, urinate on this bain of my existence. Being pissed as well, he was little help. Five minutes later I phoned him so he could listen to the trickling and crackling sound. At this point I was escorted from public library.
I later decided to add my tale of sorrow and woe to Derv's site, spending the best part of an hour describing the above with conviction. I prepared my self mentally and physically to submit my masterpiece only to be told in a derisory manner that I had made an incorrect command. I then spent 20 minutes trying to fathom my transgression and eventually was advised to use a pen and paper.
(Electronic nose (?!))
I found your site, through a site, though a search engine. If that makes any since.
I'm from Munich, Germany, and lived in Birmingham, England. However I currently live in Houston, Texas. Fucking Amerika. What pisses me off, are those 'Otaku' Amerikans. You know, the ones that are born in Amerika, but dress and act like Japanese because of their obsessions to Anime and Manga.
They are everywhere! I can't go anywhere without meeting someone who wears something similar to a tunic here. I mean, compeltely out of the ages because they saw a video and it looked good on the animated screen. I once saw this guy, I was in the video store and it just so happens the Anime section is next to Horror, and I inevitably had picked out my favorite movie Anatomie when I turned around and there standing there in this skinny-ass boy with a loose 'Inuyasha' shirt on and this abnormally obese white man, older, hair thinning wearing the tightest 'Sorcerors Bakuretsu" or somthing like that shirt. You could see flab and everything. And at first I thought, I'm just not liking the contrast here but then, as if my nerves weren't tainted enough, this fat guy starts doing this things with his hands and playing with the other guy as if he's going to shoot fire balls from WHO knows where! And speaking the poorest Japanese I'd heard in years. (I'm a language freak) It annoyed me so badly. I had to type to you about it!
Another thing that annoys me, it's amazing how simple internet can butcher the English language. Thinking it's helping society by the communication it's also making our language somewhat... poor. I cannot talk to someone with getting all these abbreviations like "u" for you. "r" for are. "ttyl" for talk to you later. I'm not understanding why it's so fucking hard for someone to travel their fucking fingers across the god damn board and type out the language as it was written to be written or spoken as! God!
Also, people who blow their nose and look at the snot thats left in their tissue, that's gross. It's annoying, provoking, My ex-boyfriend used to do it! horrible habit. He'd stand near the trashcan, blow his snot into the napkin with a horrible elephant sound then wipe, pull it away and carefully glance at the fucking bugers!
I'm sorry if i've bothered you with this letter but at least I let it out to someone. God I fucking hate Amerikans! SAVE ME!
(Nah, no bother at all dear)
Becky Mantin Must Die!
(Who's becky Mantin? Why do you hate her so?)
Yeah I recently got very offended by what this skanky as trailer park trash, embred, White supremist!. This girl I know named Lisa Wilkins Called me a Nigger, just because i drive a lowrider. I am a white guy. I dress preppy, and talk with a nice vocabulary. She said how she hated niggers and all this crap to me for no reason at all. I feel what right does this person have to call another person that racial motivated hated word all feared off just because you get mad at someone. This girl is so scared she wont even drive to the downtown area, or through the projects instead she hides behind stuff and uses the racial motivated word Nigger. Shes white anyways she has no idea what the black culture went through back in the slave days to even use that word. It pisses me off to no end to hear a white person use that language. There nothing but scared white embred trailer park trash same gene pool swimming losers. This person is a white supremist and uses the N word alot, and has no problem calling me this word. I think its time we we address this issue and serve her up a sever ass woopin. I got her name and number for anyone interested in paying her a little visit or distributing her name to others to aware them of this hate activity that she is useing currently, and freely...
Thing`z dat piss me off!!!!
lil girls dat ware skirts so far up there ass dat denim thread gets stuck in their teeth and they are only 6yrs old or sumfin,
and what iz it bout ugg bouts i remember when i was about 5yrs old ma gran and aunty had them for slippers and they smelled az well!!!
i hate it when your at the bus stop and stoned or sumfin and n then sum old lady comes up to you and tryz to talk you into going to church with em next sunday and afterwards going 2 a cafe and gettin a pot of tea or going 2 sum restraunt and getting a pensioners meal and the gravys lumpy n smellz looks and tastes like a tramp who went into a retirement home!
or when you go into a shop 2 buy new jeans or something and you walk outside and theres those wee skanky gals dat where those skirts n call u a slut n then u walk up 2 em n they wanna go u n then as soon az u say sumfin back they shit 10miles of blue shit n then bolt fuckin skanks!
or when u get on the train and there iz sum old creepy man pervin you even with a wooly tartan jumper on that looks like it waz dropped in food colouring!
and i hate it when u hav a one night stand and they stock u 4 a month before u hav a restrainin order and an english pitbull 2 help u out ha ha ha!
i hate it when you hav snow stuck up your ass and it meltz (personal experience ha ha ha)
or when it`z winter n it`z chilly baltic n u see these people who hav t-shirts that feel like bras it`z like 4 fuck sake get ur granns jumpa out n thermal undies n tell da flu 2 fuck off instead or tellin it 2 fuck ur imune system
and i hate smack headz who steal from u n shit or people who steal from u anyway they should work for it lazy bastards arrrrhhhh!!!!!!!!
(How did you get snow up your arse? A freak snowballing accident?)
Hey Dave, got something that is pissing me off. Any chance you can post it in an attempt to take my pain away. The sinner is MANPOWER - Middlemen scum - Employment agency- commercial street - leeds.
Most Middlemen piss me off. Sticking their face and their wallet where its not wanted. Don't get me wrong, there are some that do a fair job on passing on stuff, the corner shopkeeper, the coal man, etc. They're cool, Manpower ain't and here's why.
I've been applying for a job in a local call-centre. Went for an interview but didn't have the correct I.D. with me so had to come back another day. So onwards with my job hunt were I came accross the leeches known as Manpower. Great if you're looking for some kind of work and not that arsed about a carreer. Spoke to them on the phone first, the job was for the same call-center as I have previously applied to. Manpower said that I could go through them instead of going to the call center and that I could go to them that day and that I could go casual. Great! Just the job! So off I went.
I flew the typing test and the interview so got the job, I thought. Next I was passed a phone and was speaking to the call-center. It turns out that I was booking an appiontment to go to an interview which I had previously gone to and was due to goto again! I had been lied to by some by some silly busy-body who wanted to stick thier face in to give their sad job a purpose.
I booked the appointment (I would have done anyway) and marched out of thier office quite peeved. Soon after I recieved a phone call saying I had not finished completing the forms etc. etc. After listening to this drivell for a few munites I had to stop them and tell them how they had lied and wasted my time. Course they hung up the phone on me. Amateurs! I rang back, spoke to the boss who could only say 'ok' to everything I said. (for 'ok' read 'whatever'). Sod them.
Interview the next day, thought i'd better ring the call center and check as I had no trust in them (manpower). Turns out that I had been refered by Manpower who in turn would get payment for thier 'work'. Not a one off finders fee mind you, but a bloody payment for evey hour that I worked! I quickley cancled my appointment, removed myself from Manpower books and then re-booked my interview directly, cutting out the middlemen.
Not only had they wasted my time but they 'poached' me which is supposed to be highly illegal. Poached, lied, stole me, whatever. They are nothing but scum blood sucking parasites who should get off their lazy arses and get a proper job themselves.
Sorry for going on a bit dave, lot to get out. In fact I feel alot better already! Cheers mate!
(No problem, matey!)
fings that piss me of are people that spell skum whith a c not a k i ham not a man u fan cunts and drunks that fink im there beast mate becors i was at the same gig as them 20 years ago
(?)
And these are from me - Stuart
Smug blondes who'd look a damn sight better if they stopped looking in the mirror and started smiling
Cynics who contribute nothing to my world and really shouldn't be given the air to breath
People who kick dogs then fucking moan when some one cuts their head off
(Would'nt they make more of a gurgling hissing sound if you cut their head off?)
Me when I'm bored
It's goodnight from me
and goodnight from him
(Yeah, I hate those skum who spell scum: "skum", There such scum!)
Coughing instead of "excuse-me" (Chris)
Hey Derv, here's something that pisses me off and would really appreciate it if you post it on your site.
Folk coughing instead of saying "excuse-me".
Here's one to avoid for sure, the negative pollutant of far too many square-shaped shoppers in this world, The 'AH-hem' and other 'Excuse-me' choughs. I hear this phrase moving amongst some of the population like some kind of evil social vocabulary virus, entering our psyche as a flu virus may enter our body so we can expel nothing but snot and mutterings. Some of us are more ressiliant than others, some of us are immune, some of us are carriers, some of us fight it off as quickly as it enters. I have never yet caught a cold in Morrison's though during a recent trip into town, whilst in W.H.Smiths I observed a trend of mild coughing noises being the most popular and socially acceptable way of communicating one's intention of wishing to pass. This to me seems dirty and also plain bad manners and can too easily mean 'get out my way'. This compounded abuse of using a natural sound with such a mumbling and downtrodden way in not acceptable and must be stopped. We must rid ourselves of this poor method by which some of us hope to communicate 'excuse me'. Why not try either keeping quiet and walking around or why not try putting your life on the line by saying out aloud for all to hear, "Excuse me". Just don't bother coughing an 'AH-hem' to mean 'excuse-me' as it doesn't. Its all to impersonal for me and I very rarely welcome one. So unless the person is dying I shall be ignoring all future 'AH-hem's whilst shopping as I for one don't want to catch a cough. Thanks.
Cheers.
{No problem}
{I hate it when some posh girl "tuts" at you because she assumes you got in her way when she actually got in yours. She knows a guy wont retaliate but I know a big hard girl who'll punch the bitch for me. yeah!}
Richard Branson, Student Cafe's & Lift doors (Steve)
Richard Branson
This Cheshire cat appears on our screens from time-to-time trying to sell us his newly crafted wares with the pretence that he's doing us a favour. Complete tosh. He wanted to run the lottery for next to no profit. Bollocks. He's just as much a capitalist as the worst of them. Except he's worse. His latest ventures include credit cards. Scum. He's also selling cancer insurance thereby playing on our deepest fears of getting the big 'C'. When he smiles at us from TV screens this isn't the grin of a close friend. He's laughing at you. He wants your cash and what's more we're giving it to him. What happened to the free spirit of the 60's and 70's Dick? You let Gong into your studios and run riot with bongs and acid. You recorded Derek and Clive. You signed the Sex Pistols.I bet all along this was a charade, and you really are just simply a money-grabbing, greedy lowlife. I've nothing against making money, but just ditch the cords and woolly jumpers and don the expensive suits and stop masquerading as a social worker. Be true to yourself because we are not fooled. Go back to Old Kent Road, do not pass Go, and stop collecting 200 pounds off vulnerable people'.man. By the way, don't sue. I am not British Airways.
Student Cafes/Delis
You know the ones. All bright colours and advertising 'Funky Carrot Cake'. The staff are ex-students with Daddies investment money, too rich to get a proper job and usually too stoned to get your order right. They'll come to your table after 45 minutes of ordering with a charred panini of olives and feta cheese. We're not fooled. We can buy these things too in the supermarket. We no longer coo and wonder at your Mediterranean culinary skills. We have joined you. But much cheaper. And what's wrong with cheese and pickle anyway? Anchoivies? Pesto? Get a life and stop standing at the counter of your funky-caf' going 'yah'yah' to your mates Tarquin, Gemima and Rupert.
Lift Doors that take too long to close
Ok, this is a little tetchy but you know when you're in a hurry and the lift door takes a good 10 seconds (10 for crying out loud'.) to close after pressing the button. This is simply too long. By the time is half-way shut someone else has arrived and pressed the call-lift button and you're back to square-one. Arrrrrrgggggghhhhhh. I haven't got time for this!!!!
George Orwell was right about the thought police, but what he didn't see coming was that we'd be doing it to ourselves. That's what this over the top political correctness amount's to.
Example 1: My girlfriends brother was alone when for no reason he was attacked by six men with knives. When the police turned up who do you think they arrested. The lone white bloke that's drenched in blood and needs his hand sewing back on? Or 6 blokes with weapons still in their hands but who happen to be asian? Go on, you'll never guess.
Example 2: After the London bombings last year i was listening to a phone in on the radio. Local (Leeds) muslim leaders were claiming that they couldn't understand the bombers coming from Leeds because relations here between whites and asians are (he claimed) perfect and there aren't any problems at all. Then one guy called in and he was in no-way offensive or angry. He was calm, well spoken, intelligent and VERY well informed and he simply disagreed with this opinion and said that he and his wife had been spat on by asians in the street only the previous night. He was instantly called a racist and the muslim leaders started demanding his address and calling him a liar! All for calmly and inoffensively sharing his experience and opinion! And these clerics where on air to convince us of their sanity and good nature!?!
Example 3: I once had several people back to mine for a few after hours drinks etc. One bloke both stole from me AND sexually assaulted one of my friends IN FRONT OF ME IN MY OWN HOME. I asked him and his friends to leave and what do you think the first word out of their mouths where? "Racist!"
Example 4: Walking through Leeds city centre a few years ago at about 4pm on a friday i saw the police station boarded up and under siege by about 200 asians. Not knowing what this was about i got out of the area quickly, went home, and switched the news on to find out. Nothing. I kept the news channel on and scoured both local and national papers for 3 days. Nothing. Not a single word anywhere. Could you imagine 200 whites attacking a city center police station in broad daylight and it not being on the news? Me either.
Example 5: You. Yes, that's right you. How far did you read into the previous paragraphs before you decided that i'm a racist? Or that i just hate asians? My point is that you can't deal with problems if you pretend that they don't exist. I'm old enough to remember the 70's and it was nothing like the cool retro image being shoved down our throats by marketing men now. It was a god awful time of social injustice and i wouldn't go back to how things where then for all the money in the world. I can't begin to tell you how much things needed to change. But when you can't even recount factual story's to make your point without being judged a racist then we've gone to far. We're actually giving evil a helping hand. I can see a day soon where if your attacked or robbed by someone of a different ethnic group then the police will urge you not to pursue it for fear of upsetting local communities. All this shit about you can't call a blackboard a blackboard anymore! Who give a shit? White middle class hippie social workers that like making the rest of us uptight, that's who. I'm sure blacks and Asians have REAL problems in this country like the B.N.P. getting more and more votes. But why do you think they're getting more votes now. Are people suddenly getting more racist? I think it's more likely that they are as sick of P.C. hypocrisy as i am. We should stop pulling the wool over our own eye's and try to remember that cunts come in all colors.
Here's that disclaimer link again, just to cover my ass. You never know!
D.V.D.'s, what's the point?
Remember the lies we where told about how great C.D.'s are. How they don't skip and are indestructable? And 20 years later here we are again.
I've not seen a single D.V.D. yet that hasn't skipped and that includes ones that have come straight out of the packeging. The second you unwrap one the static attracts dust and its fucked. And the tinyest bit of carpet fluff or the lightest of scratchs and it's PERMANENTLY fucked.
20 years ago we might not have had the previous experiance to draw on, and we might not have seen mp3's on the way, but the technology to replace D.V.D.'s is allready here!
Everything will be on hard drive in a couple of years. There doing it allready in america with tivo and here with sky plus. And after hard drive its solid state, then maybe some kind of jell pack though god knows why. Scientists seem to think that just because they can do something then that meens that they have to. So what about the super clear image and crystal clear sound then? The full cinema experience? Well there's cinemas for that. If i put on a film at home i don't realy need the living room floor to shake every time Arnie kills a bad guy. And do you know anyone that places the surround sound speakers exactly where there ment to? Most people have them piled up next to the T.V. and they'll "get round to it sometime". And i just can't get my head round how normal it is to have all this shit now. I live in a heavily burgled area and it's common for people to spend an amount of money that would comfortably take them around the world for 3 months on a home entertainment system so that they don't ever have to go out again 'cause the second they do some smackheads will nick it. It's tele for christs sake, it's not worth a fraction of this effort. To missquote Ben Elton, the manufactures would argue that market forces demanded D.V.D.'s. But i don't remember marching in the street with a placard crying out for an easier to damage format.
Do i realy want to buy all the same stuff again just to create more landfill in 5 years time? It's a waste of good drug money.
It sounds to me like you need a new DVD player. My old DVD player will play anything I put in it. The other day I put a soggy Stella Artois beer mat in and it played a documentary called 'The concise history of broken marrages'
A veritable cornucopia of stuff (Slam)
Anyone remember a film called "logan's run"? They had the right idea in that. Unlimited pleasure followed by a a quick death on your 30th birthday. People always said that i'd feel different when i got older, but i'm about to turn 38 and i STILL think think Logan's run is the way forward.
Getting old suck's. It suck's dead donkey dick in hell. A lifetime of accidents and illness's add up to make you just feel generally crap all of the time. And i'm sure that when i was younger i could drink 15 pint's of beer without going for a piss every 5 minutes. No wonder old people (like me) are such grumpy bastards.
{Nope, you were grumpy in your 20's too.}
How come every time someone starts to slag off McDonalds then someone else chirp's up "Well, to be fair they never suggest you should live on McDonalds exclusively".
Well when has fairness had anything to do with it? They are one of the most powerful and evil companies in the world. Do you honestly think that their feelings are going to be hurt?
And do you think anyone at their headquarters is saying "Shouldn't we pay a FAIR wage to people we treat like slaves?", or "Is it FAIR to make another tribe homeless for the sake of cattle grazing and us being ever so slightly richer?".
Of course not.
But apart from the politics (the fact that they deliberately market the unhealthiest food in existence to very young children, and that they are helping to turn the world into one big ugly mess where you can't even tell what fucking city your in anymore), the most important fact is that their "food" looks, and tastes like laminated turds. Even the the photo-shopped pictures on the wall look like glistening sewage and if thats the best that they can make it look.....
And on a final note, in this day and age where even the smallest of business's are media savvy and know the importance of good P.R., and a massive multi billion dollar cooperation, with all it's resources and presumably the top ad agency in at least north America, well then isn't it odd that the best mascot that they can come up with is a scary looking clown that EVERYONE thinks looks like a pedophile? Weirdsville.
{I bet they've even got a Macdonalds in Weirdsville}
Nuff said.
I once lost or misplaced my key's 26 years ago. I have never done it since.
The difficulty of just remembering where i put them is far outweighed by the problems of having to break into my own house, switch the alarms off, prove to the police that it was actually my own home, and then having to make sure someone's in at all times until we get through the hassle of replacing the door and surrounding frame.
Yet almost every single women i know loses their keys at least 10 times a day (with all the stress and even tears that it can cause). But 10 times a day i now find myself saying
"Have you actually looked anywhere for them yet?" To which the answer is usually "No".
Then they are in the 1st place that i look.
Or, alternatively, the 2nd most common scenario is her fishing about in her bottomless pit of a handbag for a minute or 2 before the hysterics start, then i take it off her and open it to find them in plane view on top of everything in less than a new york second.
I used to think this was down to some basic difference between the structure of male and female brains. You know the kind of thing, women can multi-task better but men can separate issues, men keep C.D.'s in alphabetical order while women use them as floor rugs, and men won't admit defeat wiring a gadget but women will just ask different men to do it 'till she finds one who can get it right. That kind of thing.
Anyway, i have now decided that is really a means of getting attention. You all know the scenario. A whole 3 seconds will have passed since you last told your girlfriend that you love her so she's obviously feeling insecure again. And of course needlessly winding your partner up is at least SOME kind of attention.
And how many times have us blokes had to hunt down the back of a sofa etc in the effort to find out that the keys were in her pocket the whole time? I'd hate to think that ANY of my friends are that stupid, inconsiderate, or just plain rude. I can believe though that some women, like children and pets, DO need attention that badly.
The story of Mr C539FUG (one of my other sites)
Does'nt seem to work properly with Firefox, I should get that sorted
Derv's Image Suppository
Another one of my sites. Basically random pictures of stuff taken with a rubbish camera.
www.newgrounds.com/collection/saladfingers.html
Salad fingers has got to be the best flash animation series about!
Urban myths explained.
Subterranea Britanica. Secret underground stuff.
There's some paranoid people about.
Its rather good.
Guess. (you never will!)
Arty flash stuff
She draws pictures based on a word or phrase you send to her. She's not done any of mine though!
A good place to find links.
Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, mushroom, mushroom!
There's three pictures of me on there.
weird flash animation
www.fat-pie.com/
weirder flash animation
websites reviewed by 3 cartoon heads
Funny flash
It's got everything!
© 2004-2005 by Derv and may not be reposted without written permission from the author, and may not be reprinted for profit.
GODDAMNIT.CO.UK
