Scene IV - Why You Should Pay Attention in Math Class
3: Ah, hello, Mr...
1: Zurr. Lewis Zurr. All my friends call me Lew.
3: Very well, then. Are you ready?
1: For what? To argue for my innocence?
3: No. To receive my judgment.
1: What?! You’ve made up your mind already?!
3: Yes.
1: Without taking any time to consider?
3: No, I worked it out while you were in Purgatory.
1: But you hadn’t even met me then!
3: Yes, I had.
1: Huh?
3: Picture me wearing a bed sheet with the eye holes cut out.
1: Oh shit.
3: Yeah.
1: So I’m going straight to hell, huh?
3: Actually, no. You’re slotted in for heaven. How’s cloud... let’s say four
sound to you?
1: But I broke eight out of the ten commandments almost daily!
3: Which ones didn’t you break?
1: The fun ones. The ones about adultery and killing.
3: Fun?
1: I didn’t say that. And what about Jimmy Swiney and the eels and the shoes
and...
3: Well, I slotted it all into the formula and you came out okay.
1: The formula?
3: Yes. E equals M over C squared.
1: So Einstein almost had it right.
3: Actually, Einstein was talking about the speed of light and I’m talking
about morality.
1: Oh.
3: Evil equals Malice over Caring squared.
1: So you’re telling me you use math to judge people?
3: That is correct.
1: I always thought they were making me learn some pretty useless and stupid
stuff in high school.
3: Well, you can make anything useful if you spend four hundred and some-odd
years pondering it.
1: But what about when I called you the Big P?
3: Hey, I’m supposed to be objective here, right?
1: So, you don’t hold it against me that I made fun of your sheet?
3: I slotted that in under malice.
1: I see.
3: Here’s your keys. Second cloud on the right. The room number’s on the key
chain.
