Don't touch me there


patinate is to acquire or become covered in a patina.

the penny patinas.

I aspire to margretinate. to marinate in her sauces.

bourbon soaked salmon

our relationship shall mature thru the rigors of prostitution.

the Master/Slave paradox.

whose turn to clean the terlit, Maid Marion?

friendless, flightless... the letter P endures

New Age recipes calling for prosciutto:
John Madden's rigorous 3-star bolognie sandwich
turkeydog in a bog with bamboo-fed fingertips

prosciutto toast
handholding-on-a-stick with red velvet cake and a glass of prosciutto au gratin

Hulk Hogan comfort soup

and cheesy bread (only 31 calories!)


joshing with the wesleyans about their dance steps.

I was full of prosciutto and she The Lord.

the P-Diddy bobby socks brigaade, mostly overpaid. confabulations to p-diddly and the BS Brigaade for their three Grammy noms! son, your mom is callin’ you and she’s not calling you to supper.

to support her and her hose habit.


Cucurbita Pepo and four reasons to pay too much for your next alligator.

Bobby Socks went out with the baby and the bath water.

I will depose the lobster in the morning.

mister P-Diddy what do you do when your brigaade steps in deep doodoo wearing
socks sir?

yeah I sound stiff at the edges.


I always say the wrong thing.


I’ve never taken a wrong turn.

I often flex at the elbows while moving thru traffic.

I can move fluid.


Wesleyan love goddess.


two kinds of love.


I take it from your silence that you dont have bingo yet.




famous names ending with "-robust":
Chef D. Juan Nutt-Robust

inventor of the sex sandwich
Dame Ella Hawkins-Robust-Swinney

inventor of the marriage to a millionaire
Fred Dowell Chrobusta

quality control at a chocolate laxative factory
MC (Howard Carter) Robustamove

will soon legally change his name back to Howard,

then get the tits with the money he’s saved

shopping at Sav-a-Lot

many commercial pizze (plural) made in the United States are covered with 1/2 of a quart of thick gooey sauce and topped with a pound or so of everything but the cutlery used to slice the pizza.

- Gabriel DeMarcos de los Mantas in an address to a steamed up bathroom mirror three weeks prior to his assassination by the Provisional al-Qaeda, working from a Winnebago with extra windows and two johns


Pepo “Pattypan” Calabaza calling for President Pesque los Ojos on line 3. let’s talk shop.

let’s shoot groundhogs with bullets the size of our pinkies.

I once dated a woman with pinkies the size of nipples.


I’m so bad, that’s why the ladies call me Mr. Speed.


at a short distance follow eight volkwagen beetles containing the fighters’ wives.


Yeah, ya know, I got the kind of lovin’ that you need.

roast gumption and a tossed carraway-seed salad
topped with a vinagrette and the label
from a t-shirt.

martillo-fisted and hell bent for hooker conversation.


my alligator-skin girlfriend.


a barge of baby diapers bound for Korea. the film studios, the Japanese business

faces freakin’

Bermuda on eight bucks a day

and two household products you’ll sit on.


a classmate, elizabeth (name withheld to prevent vendetta) of Brookline, cannot eat her

coniglio in peperonata either
cannot eat her
coniglio in peperonata either
cannot   would not could not
of Brookline
and no wonder.


She couldnt eat turkey until she was twenty. she has also never dumped a sink trap into the trash nor set foot out of the house without first checking her hair.

Dad, do women just naturally smell of flowers?

check your rear view. check your hair. now, slowly, firmly,
back over the family dog.

aspirating Blue’s clues.

she passed me a note under the desk: "the crust recipe from hell!" and I believed her. and I voted for her for class secretary every year.

the recipe for a crust from hell, I muttered. huh. I shifted in my chair.

a splitting headache. and the thing about don cornelius, who had died from overdose

of helium. or was that cornelius swarthout? no, he invented the waffle, she said showing me the spot on her shoulder where her brastrap had cut into her skin, severing her arm which now dangled near lifelessly over a stack of textbooks. "Can I borrow that?" I asked, pointing to a rabbit-eared copy of a the original Sony Trinitron 15". "Solid state, eh?" I laughed.

"It's Chinese," she answered, "like my husband."

Bill Cornelius was a bushranger.
so was John Mathers and also Bob Greenhill.
"Don't meet a lot of women-folk out 'ere," said Bill to John and Bob.
they all just chuckled and kept on bushranging.

dressed in a blue volkswagen, jolly Monte Pringle of Altamont arrived each evening (this was nightschool) a smile on his pessimism and arms laden with fish, the absolutely freshest vegetables at the lowest prices, and various meats.

karen carpenter was his absolute favorite student. she always sat right at the foot of his battered desk, straightening pictures of his battered wife in her bloodied duster. when she (karen carpenter) stood to demonstrate the method for folding egg whites into landscapes, I could see down her chimney. there was a nest in there. and it contained batman and robin’s eggs.



yeah, I hear stuff. but I dont much eat chutney.


it’s a shame one cant learn to fold napkins at the Red Cross.

buried my face in her artichoke fold.

gain weight and lose money @ home or
continue this charade:


She wont eat lobster unless it's turned
upside down so she
cant see the eyes.

unless he's buying.

wont drink.

wont drink unless.

wouldnt dare say anything less.

could care less.
and it shows.


the expressive







the steady stare.

upside down AND inside out.

cant think of his name.

something con carne.

tawdry toenails.

date from a can.




then there was: Adamic Catalpa.

“trees and the women who luv to hug them”



fish eyes,


without toes, and hammer fisted.

La Mirada Peculiar, patron saint of the PT boat.


a rescue mission to retrieve the veil of

courage from the kid who

also has the bonnet.


sopapillas and the lunchroom ladies who make them with lard

hosted by fred durst.



rubbing corn starch into your armpits cures

hepatitis, the long form.









S o u r c e s

“Mr. Speed” by Sean Delaney/Paul Stanley








make love to the ice princess



recipe for term paper reunion onion dip