Revision #1

    My first poem that I have revised is Twenty-Seven. This was a mess in the beginning. I had just a list and not much of an imagination to go on for the readers. Plus, I did not use any punctuation at the end of the lines. I took a moment and did some heavy edits. I took out the dates and gave the dead people in the poem a little bit more a personality and activity in the words. However, this was still not enough. I had gone overkill with some of the details and I still was not clear in some places. I still need to tighten the poem and fix some grammatical errors. So, I went back and took out the excessive adjectives. Plus, I made the poem sound that the new comers are permanently staying in the club instead of just visiting. I also cleared up some details of what some of the people are doing in the poem. This time, I think I have it right.