Nut Test

    There comes a time when the enemy fights dirty. It could be a little thing. Such as stealing something that is there so often that no one notices or some vandalism. But then, the enemy fights dirty in a HUGE way. Such as eight days ago. Artemis had become close to mad because of Noiz and Rob. His latest trick? Well, we'll get to that in a minute. But right now, Artemis was sitting stressed at his desk. The pig was close to the edge. This had turned into a bloody disaster. When he first took the job of house lord, he expected high pay and no real work. That was how it was at first. But then, Noiz got banished to Animal House. That's when the changes took place. Pretty soon, the house was up to tip-top shape. The pig's wallet was stretching thin. All of the money was going into the house and not his greedy little pockets. This was not good. Artemis needed that money to fund his suits and his dream car that he wanted. Something had to be done. And fast at that! Artemis sighed in distress. "Right," he thought. "To the manual!" Then, he reached into his desk and pulled out his guide book. The pig found himself referring to the book repeatedly lately. The man had become desperate. Anything to get rid of Noiz. So far, there was nothing. Artemis read the manual from cover to cover. The stress was building up in his head right away. Anything could give if there wasn't an answer...

    At last, there was a solution to the problem. Artemis read the words to himself in surprise. "All members of mental illness will have to leave the house to psychiatric care," he read. "Where they will be kept there under a 72-hour observation." An idea came into Artemis' head. Sure, he tried the crazy card once upon Noizchild and failed. But, what's the harm of trying again? Maybe this time he would learn from his mistakes of last time. But how to prove that the cat and mouse were crazy enough to be sent off? Artemis thought about that for a moment. Then, an idea came into his head. "I'll just make it look like they are insane enough to drive them out!" he thought. "Then, I can go back to running this house as profitable benefit!" Today was looking up already.

    Meanwhile, Noiz was working on grades in her door when a knock came on the door. The cat sighed annoyed.

    "What is it?" she asked aloud.

    "It's me," a familiar female voice called from the outside. The cat rolled her eyes again. Her again! What does she want now? The cat sighed and got up off of the bed. She peeked out the door. A young girl stood out on the other side. She was looking into the dorm. Noiz sighed again as she unlocked the door and opened it wide. She looked the girl up and down. The girl was one of her former students, Naomi Ito. Naomi was a lovely girl. The girl was of fourteen years and with short black hair to her shoulders. Slender and a little bit shorter than her sensei. Naomi was super perky to the point that it would possibly even drive June crazy. Noiz couldn't stand Naomi at all. The cat girl rolled her eyes again.

    "What is it, Naomi?!?" she asked annoyed. Her former student looked at her smiling.

    "I'm just checking on you!" the girl called. Noiz snorted at that one.

    "I'm not a baby!" she hissed. "So why do you keep doing this?"

    "Because," Naomi replied. "I care about you." The cat snorted at that one again.

    "Yeah right!" she declared. "You're just trying to kill me for yourself!" Naomi looked at her like she was crazy.

    "No, I'm not!" she called.

    "Yes, you are!" Noiz replied. "Don't even try to be innocent with me!" Naomi stared at her for a long while. Noiz went back to her bed and sat down again. Her former student watched her for a few seconds.

    "Just explain to me how I've tried to kill you," she said. Noiz didn't look up at all.

    "You tried to strangle me to death!" she declared.

    "I told you," Naomi replied. "I was putting that jade necklace around your neck and the dog ran past me. I tripped!" Noiz rolled her eyes again.

    "Whatever," she mumbled. "You constantly try to poison me!"

    "No I don't!" Naomi argued. Noiz sighed and rolled her eyes. Silence came again. Naomi sat down at the desk watching her former sensei. She just couldn't get her at all. The door opened again. Both girls looked up. Rob stared at them in silence.

    "Hey girls," he said. Naomi smiled at him brightly.

    "Hi Rob-sensei," she said. The mouse looked at her confused. He turned to his kitty lost.

    "Noiz-sama," Rob spoke up. "Who's this?"

    "That's Ito Naomi," she replied. "The former student I was talking about." The mouse looked at her confused at first. But then, a light bulb went off in his head.

    "Oh!" he called. "You're the girl that Noiz-sama says that tries to kill her!" *Sweat drop on Naomi's head*

    "Yeah," she replied stressed. "That would be me..." Noiz rolled her eyes again. "Such a cheery little bugger!" she thought pissed off. The cat forced herself back to work.

    In Artemis' office, Tokyo's best shrink came to Animal House. Artemis called her over in the morning. She sat in front of the desk waiting in boredom. The woman herself was familiar with Artemis herself. He was just a greedy little bastard trying to get money. This was just another one of his schemes to get rid of the "troublemakers" as he called them. But, Dr. Takahashi decided to humor Artemis so that she could just shut him up. The pig clinched his fists on his desk.

    "It's so nice for you to come, Dr. Takahashi," he said. She rolled her eyes to herself.

    "What is this about now?" she asked. Artemis shrugged a bit.

    "I have two residents here that I suspect are mentally insane," he spoke up. Dr. Takahashi sighed annoyed.

    "Who?" she asked. Artemis looked around for a bit in silence. Then, he leaned in close to the doctor.

    "Noizchild and Rob," the pig replied. The doctor looked at him like he was crazy. She didn't seem to believe him at all.

    "Really now?" she asked him. Artemis nodded desperately. The doctor didn't believe him at all.

    "And why should I believe you?" she questioned. The pig came ready made for that one!

    "Don't believe me," he said. "Ask around at all of the other residents here." Dr. Takahashi looked at him like he was crazy. But, she decided to humor him. She sighed aloud.

    "Fine," she replied. "I'll talk to him!" Artemis smiled at her in relief.

    "Thank you, doctor!" he called. "You won't regret this!" "Yeah, whatever!" she thought unconvinced. And so the interviews began.

    Conrad: Noiz is very nice. A little weird, but nice. Rob is the same way. But sometimes a little odd behavior just helps get through the day.

    Dodge: That cat is so f*****g strange! She keeps talking about how Naomi wants to kill her. Noiz keeps saying that her former student is trying to poison her. But, I think it's just annoyance because Naomi is so cheerful. Rob is normal, but he can be a little weird at times.

    Tre: Noiz and Rob are good people. They act weird sometimes. But, those two manage to fight for us against Artemis. I won't be surprising if that jerk is trying to rid of them because of it.

    Callum: I don't really know Noiz personally. I heard that she was really nice and strange at the same time. But then again, I don't really know her. Rob is a great guy. He keeps to himself most of the time. I heard that he was a little strange. But he's a really great guy.

    Graham: I've worked with them both for years. Rob is a great person. He acts weird. But he's really nice. He may act weird, but it's okay. Everyone in our guild was or is completely weird. In fact, isn't it normal for us all to be weird at times?

    Jason: I don't really know them personally. I just got here actually. But I heard that they are really nice. Odd, but nice.

    Oliver: I don't know much about her. But, he just keeps to himself. Rob's a great guy really. He doesn't talk much, but he is a good writer. I heard she was too, but I haven't really read anything that she has written yet.

    Kyle: They are a nice pair. A little crazy. But, that's how they get through life. Besides, if they were sane, it would be boring.

    Roger: They are good people. They act strange, but they are really good to us. Artemis might be planning something against them as usual. Noiz and Rob are good people.

    Phil: She's insane, but cool. He follows her sometimes. But give him the chance, Rob will act on his own! I've seen him do it!

    Billy: Could you repeat the question again?

    Dr. Takahashi just shook her head at him. "Never mind," she replied. Then, the doctor walked away. Artemis waited in his office for the news. He was counting down the moment until he could kick the cat and mouse out of Animal House. Then, the doctor returned. Artemis sat up straight in anticipation.

    "Well?" he asked. The doctor sat down in front of him.

    "I interviewed everyone here," she replied.

    "And?" the pig asked excited.

    "They are very normal!" the doctor said. Artemis' face dropped at those words.

    "What?!?" he asked in surprise.

    "That's right!" the doctor replied. The pig looked very hurt inside. His plans were now ruined. There had to be a way to save everything now.

    "The results can't be right!" he called out in desperation. "Tell me there's another way!" The doctor thought about that for moment. Artemis waited impatiently. Takahashi thought about that for a moment. She decided to humor him once again.

    "These are just from other people," Takahashi replied. "I could talk to Noiz and Rob themselves for an observation." Artemis looked up at her happily.

    "Yes! Yes!" he called. "I want to evaluate them!" The doctor sighed aloud.

    "Fine," she said. "I will do it!" Artemis looked at her happily.

    "Thank you, doctor!" he called. Dr. Takahashi rolled her eyes again. Anything to shut the pig up. Meanwhile, Conrad came down to the pair's dorm. He knocked on the door quickly.

    "What is it now?" Noizchild asked.

    "It's me, Conrad!" he called. "I have to talk to you!" The cat turned to her pet.

    "Go answer the door," she said. Rob nodded and did so. Their friend was standing on the other side panting. The mouse looked at him confused.

    "Conrad," he said. "What's going on?" The boy looked up at the mouse.

    "Artemis is at it again!" he said. "He's trying to make you guys look crazy so that he can kick you guys out of here." Noiz and Rob looked up quickly at that one. The cat was annoyed at that one.

    "That bastard!" she mumbled under her breath. Rob nodded in angry agreement. Conrad looked at them both.

    "So what are you going to do?" he asked. That gave Noiz an idea. She smiled at them wickedly. The boys noticed that look.

    "Noiz-sama," Rob spoke up. "What are you thinking?" The cat turned to her beloved pet grinning wickedly.

    "We'll just have to pay the pig a little visit!" she replied. Rob and Conrad looked at her confused.

    "Huh?" Rob asked her. "What do you mean?" The cat stood up from the bed.

    "Just go with me, okay?" she suggested. Then, the kitty headed to Artemis' office. Rob and Conrad turned to each other and shrugged. Then, Rob just followed after his girl.

    Noiz and Rob sat in the office waiting. The cat had a great game plan for this mess. She just needed the signal. Artemis sat in front of them trying to keep from smiling at the thought of winning.

    "How are you guys?" he asked.

    "Dead!" they said in unison. Artemis clapped his hands together smiling.

    "Great to know!" he called. "You're probably wondering why you're here."

    "No," said Noiz.

    "Not really," the mouse replied. Artemis smiled on.

    "Well," he said. He turned to the doctor standing next to him. "This is Dr. Takahashi. She's going to ask you some questions."

    "Hello there," she greeted.

    "Hey," the pair mumbled to her. Takahashi pulled out her chart and got right to work.

    "Okay then," she said. "How would describe life at Animal House here?" Show time!

    Noiz: Fine. Just as long as my former student Naomi isn't here to try and poison me. I know that I am safe from her here. We just need some bared wire fences and guards that'll shoot at anything that moves and we'll be fine.

    Rob: Great! I get to visit the potato king every Wednesday. Then, we get into a magic spaceship and fly to Jupiter. We all have lunch with Smokey the bear. Then we all dance around with the purple and green little people!

    The interview basically went just like that for ten minutes. After a while, Dr. Takahashi began to see a pattern. Artemis watched in happy bliss. His wish was finally coming true. Or so he thought... At the end of the interview, Dr. Takahashi just closed her notebook. Artemis looked on happily.

    "Well?" he asked. The doc turned to him with a bold smile.

    "They are perfectly sane enough to malinger in attempt to entertainment me," she replied. "Good day, sir!" Then, Dr. Takahashi packed up her stuff and walked out of the pig's office. Artemis dropped his head down in defeat. After a few seconds, he looked up and saw Noiz smirking at him again. Once again, the cat had won.