Funeral Fun

    "Come on, Noiz!" Rob yelled from the doorway. "We have to go!"

    "I'm coming! I'm coming!" she mumbled to him annoyed. The pair were going to a funeral today. The deceased was named Brian Dover. He had been at Animal House for six months. Brian had died in a car accident three weeks ago. Artemis was holding the funeral just to pretend to care and be nice. Noiz didn't want to go. But, the mouse was dragging her along anyway. Rob rolled his eyes annoyed. Why did women have to take so long getting ready? The mouse was dressed in the best suit that he had and that took only five minutes for him. The longest part for him was the tie. If he could dress himself for a funeral in a short time, there was no excuse for his mistress at all. Rob knocked on the bathroom door again.

    "Are you really getting ready in there?" he asked. "Or are you just stalling not to go?"

    "I am getting ready!" Noiz screamed. "But you talking to me slows me down! So shut up and let me finish!" Rob rolled his eyes annoyed again.

    "Fine," he mumbled. Then, he sat down at her desk. Rob looked over at the clock. How long was this to go now? Finally, the bathroom door opened wide. Rob looked up relived.

    "About time!" he yelled out. His eyes found themselves glued to the kitty. She had a long black skirt and a pink and black Chinese-style shirt. Her toe nails were painted a dark purple and her hair was back into a tight bun with black chopsticks. Rob couldn't take his eyes off of her. The kitty looked so yummy as per usual. The mouse quickly snapped himself back to earth. They were going to a funeral. This was no time to get aroused. Quick! Think of something not sexy. Artemis having sex with anyone helped right away. Noiz noticed her lover's face and smirked to himself in her head. She just loved to mess with her pet.

    "Well," the cat spoke up. "How do I look?" Rob hesitated for a moment.

    "Great!" he said at last. Noiz smiled at him as if trying to be polite.

    "Good," she replied. "Now let's go get this over with!" Rob nodded at her once. Then, they headed out for Brian Dover's funeral at the local church. Turns out, not many people showed up for the funeral. He didn't have any family at all anywhere. Nobody really knew him at Tokyo-Zion Academy. Only Rob, Noiz, Artemis, and June were at the funeral. June was the only one crying. Noiz looked bored here. Rob sat on stoically. The priest doing the funeral was unbelievably boring. The burial wasn't much help either.  The kitty kept counting down in her head when she could leave. Afterwards, Noiz and Rob sat in their dorm working. Silence was heavy throughout the room. Rob paused from his paper and sighed aloud. Noiz looked up at him.

    "Rob," she said. "What's the matter?" The mouse looked over at his girl.

    "I keep thinking about Brian," he said. Noiz rolled her eyes, but tried to stay nice.

    "What about him?" she asked. The mouse the chair over to his lovely kitty.

    "He didn't really have many people show up to his funeral," he replied. "I feel bad for the guy." Noiz looked at him listening.

    "And?" she asked wondering where this conversation was going. Rob sat up some.

    "Well," he said. "The next one that dies here, I figured that we could do something to send them out much better than being alone." Okay, this was getting weird now. What was her mouse plotting? Noiz looked at him oddly.

    "And how do we do that?" she challenged him. Rob thought about that for a moment. The cat waited for his answer. The mouse looked up at her stumped.

    "Don't know," he replied with a shrug. "I'll think of something." Noiz looked down at her papers again. Okay, that just really went nowhere. But knowing him, that sexy mouse would find a way to make it work some how in the end. But for now, enough about funerals. Time to think about something more positive. Such as... How to torment Artemis again. A smile came across her face as she thought about making the pig suffer again. So far, there was nothing to drive him insane about. But don't worry, something will come up. Meanwhile, Rob was writing down some ideas for making the next funeral better than Brian's. Both plans took time and proper planning. But, it would be worth it. Pretty soon, both would get what they wanted at the same time.

    Three weeks later, Rob was walking back from his kendo class when he found his little friend, Graham, sitting in the hall crying. Concerned, Rob walked over to him. Graham looked up at him in sorrow. The boy looked like he would cry all over again.

    "Graham," the mouse spoke up. "What's wrong?" The boy sobbed again.

    "I went to go see my lover, Nelson," the English boy whimpered. "I knocked on his door and got no answer. I thought he was still asleep. He had been complaining that he hadn't been feeling well lately. So, I thought that he was taking it easy at last. *Sob* Then, I remembered that I had a key to his dorm. So, I reached into my pocket and pulled it out. I unlocked the door and went inside. I looked around for a moment and there was nothing. So, I went into his bedroom. I found him still in bed. At first, I thought he was sleeping. I tried to wake him up. *Sobs as he fights back more tears* But, I found him dead!" Graham broke down crying again.

    "Nelson had died in his sleep last night!!!" he cried out. The English boy put his head in his lap and cried some more. Rob sat down beside of him in sorrow. He put his arm around his friend.

    "Shhh!" the mouse whispered. "At least his last moments with you were happy ones." Graham nodded at him with more tears in his eyes. Then suddenly, Rob came up with a great idea.

    "Hey," he said. "I'll tell you what. We're give Nelson a proper goodbye. How does that sound?" Graham thought about that for a moment. Then, he nodded quickly.

    "Yes," the English boy replied. "Nelson would've loved that!" The mouse smiled at him kindly.

    "Great," he said. "Now what all would he want for his funeral?" That afternoon, the boys got to work listing things for Nelson's funeral. By evening, Rob handed the list over to Noiz. She read over it with surprise.

    "Robbie-kun!" she called. "The pig would have a heart attack if he knew how much all of this cost!" Right then, the cat got a great idea. "Yes," she said. "Let's take this to our dear old friend, Artemis!" Then, she headed down to the pig's office. Rob followed after her smiling. At least, they were both getting what they wanted at the moment. Artemis saw the list and freaked! He tried to get out of it in vain. The pair won out in the end. Artemis paid for Nelson's funeral in full cash. In a week, everyone was Nelson's funeral. The whole event had flowers, every dressed in black and white, and a big band! Everything seemed fine, except...

    "There is such thing as overkill, you know..." Noiz said to Rob. But what did the mouse care? They both got what they wanted in the end. And that was all that mattered.