Ask the Cats!

Kittix: Yes, my friends, now you can ask the Cats a question from your very own head, and they'll give you an answer from.. their.. very own heads. Ahem, anyways, here's what you do;

Email me, Kittix, at which character(s) you're asking a question, the question, (and include your nickname!) and I'll ask the cats, and they'll answer you on this page!

Dont get it? Well, here's some questions I have so far.

( I update this every-so-often, so give me some time to do these things! )

Most recent questions on top.

Some questions will get longer "answers" than others.

The replies will be what the cats might do if asked these certain questions, so sometimes you might not get a straight answer. Depends on the question and the cat!

WARNING: Some questions/answers MAY be offensive to some. Since you have been warned, don't bug me 'bout it.

PLEASE NOTE: The answers you get will all be joking, and do not apply to the musical truthfully, and they wont be serious, so dont be anticipating getting a real answer. This is out of humor people, take it that way!! No angry emails for Kittix, kay?

ALSO NOTE: I should've said this before, but didn't think of it, so I'll say it now; Now more mate questions! Sorry all, they're actually just too hard to answer! And its all based on opinion so.. sorry! I can't.. heh, I mean the CATS can't answer them.

ALSO NOTE AGAIN: ANOTHER thing I should have said, but I didnt, so I'll say it now. No more sibling/relation questions. They too are all based on opinion and hard to answer. Thanks!

To - The Rumpus Cat | From - Etceterette

Kittix: We have a question for the The Great Rumpus Cat as soon as he arrives..

Rumpus: *Falling in from the ceiling.* Aiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee!!

Kittix: *Rolls eyes* And here he is. Hello, Rumpus.

Rumpus: Good day, youthful citizen! *He dusts himself off from the fall and sits down.* I meant to do that... by the way... now then, you have a question for me?

Kittix: Yes, Rumpus, Etceterette asks; "If you're so big and strong, why can't YOU fight Macavity? In fact, after your song, you're the fastest to run away!!"

Rumpus: Well I... I... er... I... *He pauses, then glances around nervously.* You see.. er... *He trails off.*

Kittix: Well?

Rumpus: Er.... I hear a dog barking!

Kittix: So what?

Rumpus: That means trrrrr-ouble!! I must go! *He turns and quickly runs.*

Kittix: Wait.. GR! Why do they do that all the time!? Thanks Etceterette for your question!

To - Etcetera | From - Elora

Kittix: A question for...

*Etcetera comes running in, does two flips and stretches out infront of Kittix.* MEEE!! ETCETERA!

Kittix: Yeeees... anyways, Etcetera, Elora asks; "Why do you fancy Rum Tum Tugger so much? Do you not realise that he doesn't know you even exist?"

Etcetera: *Laughing* He does too know I exist. He LOVES me. Infact, one day we're going to get mated, and have lots of kittens, and then grow old together..

Kittix: Then why does he seem to just ignore you?

Etcetera: *Narrowing her eyes suddenly, and talking very stern.* He does NOT ignore me.. he LOVES me!

Kittix: Woah.. calm down Etcy.. I'm just saying..

Etcetera: JUST SAYING WHAT!? *She gets up approaching Kittix.* Why would you even ask?! Do YOU have a thing for MY Tugger? My Tuggy Wuggy!?

Kittix: No, I...

Etcetera: HE'S MINE!! ALL MINE!!!

*Etcetera turns to the screen, covers it with a black blanket so no one can see whats going on. The sounds in the background are of two people fighting, and someone getting her ass kicked.*

*Finally, Etcetera removes the black blanket covering the screen, smiling sweetly, and starring at the audience.*

Etcetera: No one... NO ONE... touches my Tuggy. *She smiles sweetly and skips off.*

Kittix: *Complete with many bruises, two black eyes, and a bloody nose.* Ugh.. th... thanks Elora.. f.. for your.. questions.. *Passes out*

To - Plato | From - Elora

Kittix: Hehehe... we have a question for Plato!

Plato: *Walks in and sits down, crossing his legs and talking with a small lisp.* Hello Kittix. We meet again.. *he narrows his eyes.* I remember you from all those fan fics..

Kittix: Aheh.. it wasn't me.. it was QAK.. anyways, Elora asks; "Are you gay? Because a lot of people think you are."

Plato: *Groans and rolls his eyes, while waving his paw about.* Do I LOOK gay?

Kittix: Well..

Plato: Do I SOUND gay?

Kittix: Well....

Plato: NO! I am NOT gay. And I wish you sillies out there would stop asking me about it!

Kittix: Yeah, well.. some people seem to have their reasons, I guess it's just all a matter of opinion. But if you say you aren't, then I guess you aren't.. but I have a question for you. How do you explain... THIS? *Holds up a video tape entitled "Plato's Night Out"

Plato: Uh... where did you get that!?

Kittix: Telling you that Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer stole it from you isn't important, and I was sworn to secrecy never to tell who got it for me but... *Gets up and brings over a tv and vcr. Pops the tape in and hits play.*

Plato: Noooo!! *He is now waving both his paws about*

*The tape shows Plato on a stage, in a night club, with a few other cats (all of them being male) singing "YMCA" while each of them are dressed up as a different member of the Village People. Plato is dressed as a sailor.*

Kittix: *Grins.* I love home videos. Thanks Elora for your question!

To - Old Deuteronomy | From - Parcellus

Kittix: *Standing up.* Cats fans, today we have the old one.. er, I mean the "Agely Challenged", and the leader of the Jellicles, Old Deuteronomy.

Deuteronomy: *Walking in slowly and sitting down.* Thank you Kittix, it's a pleasure to be here.

Kittix: Thank you too, sir. Anyways, Parcellus asks; "How old are you?"

Deuteronomy: *Chuckling slightly* Ah, a fine question indeed. You see, it reminds me of a long time ago, I believe it was 1897..

*Deuteronomy continues with a story for 15 minutes.*

Kittix: *Nodding as she listens, her feet taping from being just a bit bored.*

*Another 20 minutes, he's still going.*

Deuteronomy: So he says to me, "E equals M C squared" and I laughed  and nodded, saying. "My good sir, you.."

*Another hour*

Kittix: *Starting to nod off to sleep..*

Deuteronomy: And then he showed me this machine, the telegraph or something, it was a fine machine indeed. I remember I used it..

*Five hours later*

Kittix: Z....z....z....z..

Deuteronomy: *Continuing* Then they brought out these "hulahoop" things, I tell you, they were something..

*Three days later*

Kittix: *Lying in chair, eyes wide open but very bloodshot, her left eye even twitching occasionally, very pale.*

Deuteronomy: *Still continuing* So he tells me that I owe him 45 dollars, but I knew I really didn't, so I kindly payed him anyways..

*75 years later*

Kittix: *Very old, hair totally white, her face wrinkly, and with a walker. She struggles to keep her dentures in.*

Deuteronomy: *Amazingly unaged, still chatting away.* ..And that is how my 96th wife died..

*10 years later*

Kittix: *A plot of land is seen with a headstone that reads; "R.I.P. Kittix. She just HAD to ask..."

Deuteronomy: *Still going* And so to make a long story short, the cards were actually all marked, so I knew. *He smiles.* I hope that answers your question Ki.. Kittix? *He looks around.* Kittix? *He shrugs.* Humans these days..

Ghost of Kittix: Thanks for your question Parcellus! OW! Damnit, those pitchforks hurt.. and it's really hot..

To - Grizabella | From - Scherzando

Kittix: Hi all! This question is for Grizabella, the Glamour Cat, who will be here shortly.

Grizabella: *Enters wearing sunglasses, several bowas, and glittery make up. She walks in gingerly and sits down.*  I'm ready for my question now, and do make it quick. I have a luncheon today with the President of the United States.

Kittix: Wow, really?

Grizabella: Well, actually.. *She glances around the room nervously.* .. I'll just be having lunch with the television on the President.. er..ahem.. anyways, on to the question.

Kittix: Okay, Scherzando asks; "Why are you in a different costume at the beggining? (During Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats) "

Grizabella: Oh please, that's not even me. It's my stunt double.

Kittix: ... *Raises an eyebrow*

Grizabella: Well you don't expect the star of the show to do her own stunts now do you?

Kittix: ... Ahuh, I see.. and just what stunts do you do exactly?

Grizabella: Well I... er I... walk..

Kittix: You walk? And thats a stunt?

Grizabella: *Throwing her arms up in the air while standing up abruptly.* Look, I am the star of the show! I need a stunt to do everything for me, because they can't risk the star getting hurt!

Kittix: Yeah right..

Grizabella: *Turning up her nose.* It's true. Why, if you don't believe me, you can ask my agent.

Kittix: You have an agent?

Grizabella: Well of course, all big stars have an agent.

Kittix: Yeah sure, and what's his name?

Grizabella: ..... Uh... Michael...

Kittix: Michael what?

Grizabella: *Glancing around nervously again, then mumbling.* Jackson..

Kittix: Michael Jackson?!

Grizabella: Uh, yes. Me and him go way back..

Kittix: *Rolls eyes* Sure.. thanks Scherzando for your question!

To - Victoria | From - Etceterette

Kittix: We have our first question to that white queen herself, Victoria. Hello Victoria!

Victoria: *She smiles sweetly and talks in a very soft voice.* Hello, Kittix.

Kittix: Victoria, Etceterette says, "At the mating/orgy dance, some cats are actually participating, and some are do gymnastics. How are they chosen to do what?"

Victoria: Well, you see... *She pauses* Wait a minute.. you guys saw that?!

Kittix: Well of course. Its a very popular scene in the show. Everyone sees that!

Victoria: *Blushing* I can't believe you people saw that! I'm... I'm so embaressed!

Kittix: Vic, how could you not know you were being watched? Didn't you see the audience? Or for the video, didn't you see all the cameras? And the directors and staff?

Victoria: ........

Kittix: ... Well?

Victoria: Ohhhhh, is that what all those things were?

Kittix: Yes...

Victoria: I see...

Kittix: Well.. do you have an answer?

Victoria: Uhm... I don't know.

Kittix: But you were in the show, shouldn't you know?

Victoria: What show?

Kittix: Cats!

Victoria: I'm a cat.

Kittix: I know! But I meant the SHOW Cats! The famous musical, maybe even the most famous musical EVER, all about the tribe of Jellicle cats.. you were in it.. Any of this ring a bell?

Victoria: Hm.. I once had a collar that had a bell..

Kittix: Victoria! Please! The question?!

Victoria: Oh, I don't have a question. *Smiles.*

Kittix: Oh forget it! I give up! *Throws clipboard of questions in the air* Thanks for your question anyways, Etceterette!

Victoria: You're welcome, but my name isn't Etceterette, it's Victoria.

Kittix: ...ugh... *Storms out*

To - Cassandra | From - Elora

Kittix: Today, I'll be asking Cassandra a question.

Cassandra: *Slowly walking in and sitting down.* Hello.. Kittix. *She almost growls.*

Kittix: *Backing up just a bit.* ..h.. hi Cassandra..

Cassandra: Don't think I don't know about how you make fun of me. Because I DO know. I know everything..

Kittix: ......Oh... kay... *Backs up a bit more.* a-heh, anyways, Cassandra, Elora asks "What breed of cat are you?"

Cassandra: *She sits back and smoothes down some of her fur. She glares up at Kittix.* I am a siamese.

Kittix: Wow, really? I'll bet people mistake you with those costumes during 'Growltiger's Last Stand' all the time, huh? *Laughs*

Cassandra: *Growls and glares coldly at Kittix.*

Kittix: ...... *coughs* Ahem, anyways, thanks Elora for your question!

To - The Rum Tum Tugger | From - Clare

Kittix: *Sighs* Ladies and gentlemen... the Rum Tum Tugger!

*Tugger walks in, a huge and smug grin on his face.*

Tugger: Thank you, thank you. And thank you, Kit, you're too kind. I didn't need a big introduction like that..

Kittix: But you asked me t..

Tugger: A-heh, I believe you had a question for me.

Kittix: Oh. Yeah, I do. Tugger..

Tugger: Tugs. Call me Tugs.

Kittix: Ugh.. that again. Anyways, Tugs, Clare asks "Why do all the girls fancy you?"

Tugger: *Laughing* Oh, come ON! You know the answer to that, everyone knows the answer to that!

Kittix: ...?

Tugger: Because I am the Rum Tum Tugger! Thats the only reason you need! *He grins, somewhat nervously.*

Kittix: .....

Tugger: ......

Kittix: ......

Tugger: .....

Kittix: ... They're only acting, aren't they?

Tugger: *Sighs* Yes.

Kittix: Thanks Clare for your question!

(2 questions)
To - Mungojerrie/Rumpleteazer | From - Kartilla & Etceterette

Kittix: Hell 'gain all! We have two questions from two fans, both directed to the notorious duo!

*Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer are seen cleaning up pieces of a ming vase.*

Mungojerrie: This is ridiculous..

Kittix: Well you should've thought of that BEFORE you broke it. Anyways, Mungojerrie, Kartilla asks; "Why are you and Rumpleteazer so naughty?"

Mungo: *Chuckling a bit* Oh that's easy! Because its much more fun to be naughty then it is to be nice. Sure, we have a reputation of being criminals, the tribe has to chase us out a few times, and we get some coal for Christmas...but still.. It's just more fun!

Kittix: Actually, that doesn't sound like much fun..

Mungo: But it is! You dont get to have any fun being nice. Just look.. *He points to where a group of the nicer Jellicles sit and watch baseball, not moving and talking one bit. Almost mindless..*

Kittix: Wow. I see your point. Ok, this one is for you both, Etceterette says; "During your number you have more fur on your legs (Mungojerrie) and little straps obviously holding on extra leg decorations (Rumpleteazer), but before that you didn't...How do you do that?"

*Both Mungo and Rumple pause to look at eachother, then laugh.*

Rumple: It only LOOKS like we are wearing different leggings and stuff.

Mungo: Yeah, it's not really there.

Kittix: .....?

Mungo: It's all digitally put in! You know, like when they can add stuff to video even after it is recorded. *He laughs* What did you think? The hair just grew or something?

Rumple: *Laughing aswell.* Seriously! They have the technology to do that now, y'know. You think Misto's coat is actually covered in lights? Yeah right! They added it in! Like Tugger's mane..

Mungo: ..and Skimbleshanks' vest..

Rumple: ..and the cat eyes in the beginning..

Mungo: ...and Exotica!

*They both continue to laugh*

Kittix: Okay, well that explains it for the video.. but how do you do it when the show is live?

Both: .....

Rumple: ...Uhm...magic... *She glances at Mungo.*

Mungo: ...marker... ?

*They both shrug to eachother*

Kittix: Magic marker? What?

Mungo: Ooooh, look at the time.. Teaz, we have that.. that thing to go to..

Rumple: Thing? Oh, right, right, that thing we have to do. Sorry, can't stay and answer.. bye!

*They both get up and run, still laughing.*

Kittix: What thing? *Sighs* Anyways, thanks Kartilla and Etceterette for your questions!

To - Macavity | From - Neko-chan

Kittix: *Currently tied to a chair.* Hello fans! As you probably could tell, I'm asking Macavity, that cat of mystery, a question!

Macavity: *Appearing from nowhere*

Kittix: And here he is! Macavity, first I'd like to ask a question; why did you tie me up?

Macavity: I couldnt take any chances of you trying to get me captured or anything... and I was bored.

Kittix: I see. Anyways, Macavity, Neko-chan asks; "What is up with your hair? Do you ever brush it?"

Macavity: *Growling* Of course I do! Infact, I take care of my hair, er fur, very well! I spend hours just washing it every day! Lather, rinse, repeat!

Kittix: Wow, I had no idea you took care of your hair so much!

Macavity: Well, no one ever asks! They always see me when I have a bad hair day, and those are the days that I usually attack the Jellicles. But in reality, I take care of my hair VERY well. Probably better than those pathetic Jellicle cats or even pathetic humans!

Kittix: *Laughing softly* Well, I dont know about that..

Macavity: *Grabbing Kittix by the throat and holding her up*

Kittix: *Gagging and gasping for air* ...I.. I me.. mea...n.. ne..nev..nevermi..nd..

Macavity: *Dropping her.* Thats better. Actually, I endorse my own hair care productions.

Kittix: *Still gasping a bit for air.* You.. you do?

Macavity: Yes, I do! *He stands there, growling a bit, but then all of a sudden his face brightens and he runs off. After a few moments, he returns with a box and sets up a table.* Allow me to present 'The Macavity HairCare Products!'

Kittix: ...

Macavity: *Holding up a bottle* Want your hair to smell like Macavity, and yet be so shiny it almost looks like its on fire? Then buy some Cheveux de Macavity Brand Shampoo and Conditioner!

Kittix: Uh huh.. *Trying to get herself untied*

Macavity: And after you wash you hair, dry it with a Macavity Brand Hairdryer! *Holds up a hairdryer with a small picture of Macavity winking and giving a thumbs up on the side*

Kittix: *Starting to get herself untied.*....

Macavity: And for all you ladies out there, I also have Macavity Brand Hair Scrunchies and barettes! And for all you balding men out there.. *Grabbing another small box, and pulling out a giant wig of red and black yak fur* Macavity Brand Toupe! I also have Macavity Brand Hairbrushes, combs, hairspray.. *He keeps pulling different hair products out of a box, all with his picture on them.* Just send any money or checks to Macavity: The Mystery Cat.,  P.O. Box:..

Kittix: *Finally got herself untied, and running off.* Once again, you learn something new everyday! Thanks for the question Neko-chan!

To - Skimbleshanks | From - Etceterette

Kittix: Hi all! Today we have good 'ol Skimbleshanks, yes, that cat of the railway train, in for a question! Hello Skimble.

Skimbleshanks: Top of the mornin' to ye, Kittix.

Kittix: Wait.. isnt that Irish? I thought you were Scottish?

Skimbleshanks: .... Er.. I be Irish.. 'an... 'an Scottish.. *His eyes dart around somewhat, and he smiles nervously*

Kittix: O...kay.. anyways, Skimble, Etceterette asks; "Why are you always sniffing at things?"

Skimbleshanks: *He pauses to think, looking around casually, then finally smiling for an answer.* Bec'a all th' wonderful smells.

Kittix: ....But Skimble, you live in a junkyard. Full of rotting trash and garbage... right?

Skimbleshanks: *Pausing again, then pulling out a watch on a gold chain from his vest.* O', would ye look 'a tha? Time fer me to go to th' trainstation. Au revior! *He hurridly trots off*

Kittix: ..Hey! Au revior? Now that was French.. hmm.. thanks Etceterette for your question!

To - Mistoffelees | From - Neko-chan

Kittix: Hello fans! Just waiting for Misto to..

*Misto appears from nowhere, covered in cake.*

Mistoffelees: *While cleaning the cake off.* Sorry I'm late, had a kid's birthday party to attend to.. since the big shows closed, I have to make a living SOME how. Although, doing magic shows for kids' birthday parties dont seem to be going well. The kids think that making a very large and old cat appear from under a sheet is a tad bit scary. *He shrugs.* Oh well.

Kittix: ...Uh.. huh.. Well anyways, Mistoffelees, Neko-chan wanted to know, 'Are you and Victoria brother and sister?'.

Mistoffelees: *Pauses* Well, what else would we be? Mates? *He laughs*

Kittix: Well, some think you two are.

Mistoffelees: *Laughing* Oh, please, thats ridiculous! Yes, we're brother and sister. Infact.. *He glances around, whispering somewhat.* We were twin siblings at one time.

Kittix: ...I dont see a resemblance.. and what do you mean 'at one time?'

Mistoffelees: Well.. you didnt hear this from me but.. that white fur of hers.. *He shakes his head.*
Nope, she wasnt ALWAYS all white. She had lots of black on her at one time, but she bleaches it. Its true, look at her fur's roots. But once again, you didnt hear that from me.

Kittix: Heh, well, Misto, you just told the whole world, she'll know you told everyone.

Mistoffelees: Oh dont worry, no one reads this site. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a Las Vegas show to do with Seigfreid and Roy. *He grins and disappears.*

Kittix: Hmm, well, we learn something new everyday. Thanks Neko-chan for your question!


To - The Rum Tum Tugger | From - Kittydiva

Kittix: Mr. Tugger, K..

Tugger: Please, just call me Tugs. *Grins*

Kittix: ... Riiight.. ok, anyways, "Tugs", Kittydiva asks; "How often do you actually 'get' queens?"

Tugger: *He laughs* Are you serious? All the time Kit, er, can I call you Kit?

Kittix: Well.. no..

Tugger: Anyways, Kit, you see I AM The Rum Tum Tugger. The queens just flock to me.. its like..
*He grins again* They just cant help themselves.

Kittix: Tugger ar..

Tugger: Tugs.

Kittix: Yes, Tugs, are you being honest?

Tugger: Well, of course, Kit.

Kittix: ..because everyone is reading this for the truth..

Tugger: *His eyes dart around.* Y... yes, I'm being honest..

Kittix: Tugger..

Tugger: Tugs!

Kittix: YES, TUGS, are you really being honest?

Tugger: *After a few minutes of constant eye darting and tail twitching.* NO! There, you happy?! NO! I do NOT get queens often!

Kittix: .....

Tugger: Ever since.. the accident..

Kittix: Uh.. the accident?

Tugger: YES! THE ACCIDENT! It was.. *He sighs, shutting his eyes and leaning back in the chair.*
.. just a few years ago.. one night after I was singing for Mistoffelees..

Kittix: *Nodding* Yes..

Tugger: ..Well, everyone was SOOO impressed with those neat tricks Misto could do, I thought, how hard could it be? Its just a bunch of pyrotechnics! So, I thought, get some fireworks and go show the queens!

Kittix: Then what happened?

Tugger: *He frowns and pauses.* Well.. *He lifts his mane, revealing that it detaches and comes off, also revealing that The Rum Tum Tugger is totally bald under his "mane".*
The fireworks just went off so fast!! I couldnt stop them! One went and hit me, setting my mane on fire! And I couldnt put it out until it was all charred off.. *He groans.* I still remember the queens screaming.. "Ahh! The Tugger! He's on FIRE.. REALLY!" and then them all laughing.

Kittix: ... Oh... thats.. horrible..

Tugger:  *He sighs.* No queen wants to hang out with a 'Mr. Bigglesworth wannabe'. *He cant help but smile a bit.* But thats okay.. the queens still love me during the show, and thats all that matters.

Kittix: You do know they're just acting, right?

Tugger: *He growls, his teeth clentched.* I SAID, THE QUEENS LOVE ME DURING THE SHOW, THATS ALL THAT MATTERS.

Kittix: Okay! Okay! Thank you Tugger..

Tugger: TUGS!

Kittix: ... TUGS, thank you TUGS for your time.

Tugger: *He grins in his Tugger way and gets up.* No problem, Kit, no problem. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a "Fourth of July: What NOT to do with Your Cat" seminar to attend. See you later. *He chuckles and fluffs his "mane", it almost coming off, and walks off.*

Kittix: ...uh huh.. Thanks KittyDiva for the question!

To - Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer | From - Athena

Kittix: Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer! Let me just say, I'm a big fan of you two!

Mungojerrie: Thank you, thank you.

Rumpleteazer: Yes, thanks. And, uh.. we're big fans of your website.. uh.. *She looks at Mungo, somewhat confused.* The uh.. whats it called.. Uh.. the Jellicle Lo..ser Bin isnt it? *She shrugs*

Kittix: ... The Jellicle Looney Bin...

Rumple: I'm sorry! Honest mistake.

Mungo: Oh yeah, I know you! Kitten, isnt it?

Kittix:  It's Kittix.  Anyways, Athena wanted to know, and I'm sure the whole CATS World too, "Are you two siblings, mates, or what?"

Mungo & Rumple: *Both pause, exchanging glances, then both responding at the same time.*

Mungo: Mates.

Rumple: Siblings.

*They both pause, glancing at eachother again, then answering again at the same time.*

Mungo: Siblings.

Rumple: Mates.

Kittix: ...What? Which is it?

*They both pause again, whispering to eachother.*

Mungo: *Nodding to Rumple, then looking at Kittix.* Hey! Look over there!
*He points off in the distance behind Kittix.*

Kittix: What? *Looks behind her.*

*Both Mungo and Rumple run while Kittix isnt looking.*

Kittix: Well I dont s.. HEY! *Sighs* Well, I guess thats just one of those Cats questions we may never know.. Thanks Athena for your question!

Go ahead! Send in a question for an "answer", straight from the Cats themselves!

All material written by Kittix exclusivly, both as "Kittix" and the Cats from Cats. I made all this up, and do not claim to be any of the Cats. Blah, blah, and if you wanna hear how I dont own anything, read our disclaimer on the main page.