I Should Sue

Traumatic K-Mart Experience

Going into K-mart is never ever a good thing. I hate K-mart. While shopping in the acme i had this urge to pee. I had to pee really really bad. I felt like pee was going to shoot out my ears. The acme has all these great things, but they forgot to add a bathroom. I ran very carefully to the K-mart across the street. I was greeted inside by a man with mullot hair asking me to check in my bag. For the love of god, i wouldn't buy anything K-mart so why would i want to steal anything! I just wanted to use the bathroom! Did they think i was going to steal a toilet!

The bathrooms are way way in the back of the store next to the mens underwear section. hmmm. By this time i was walking with my legs crossed. The smell of K-mart did not help out, either and this one K-mart especially smelled. Ah, i made it to the bathroom anyway.

Two stalls, no people. The first stall was smeared with crr-ap. The toilet was running over with toilet paper and, oh, i dunno what that was but it was leaching over the seat. I saw why no one came in here. The second stall was a little bit better, and i forced myself to use it. I hovered. I concentrated on not letting my arse come within two feet of that rank seat.

I was in like this delta state of concentration when i heard a knock at the door. A man called "hey, is anyone in there?". I was thinking "what? this is the womens bathroom, right?" I mumbled "uh, yeah, i'm in here" and speed peed. After reading the bathroom story in cosmo august, i was a bit wary of being alone in a bathroom. I waited a minute and didn't hear anyone come in. I left.

The sinks, uh! The cold water knob was broken so my hands were scorched by the water. There was no soap. There were no towels. I had the shake my hands off like a dog. hmmm.

I walked... well, i ran out of that bathroom and took a long deep breath of air outside. The man was there. He was the janitor, and he apologized for bugging me. I was happy he was there. That bathroom needed some serious help.

I think i know why the K-mart smelled so bad. No one could use the bathrooms, so they peed around the store.

Moral: don't drink the "lemonade" in the k-mart food court

I bet it was the work of those annoying men or SATAN. Damn them all!


wash your hands