MY NAME IS FANNY AND THIS PAGE IS ABOUT MY MOTHER.
MY MOTHER DIED OF ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE ON JUNE 12, 1997.
SHE HAD THE DISEASE FOR NINE LONG YEARS.
AT FIRST SHE LIVED WITH MY FATHER UNTIL HE
COULD NOT HANDLE HER ANYMORE.
THAT IS WHEN MY MOTHER CAME TO LIVE WITH ME.
I TOOK CARE OF HER WITH THE HELP AND SUPPORT OF
MY HUSBAND FOR THREE YEARS UNTIL I WAS UNABLE
TO LIFT HER ANYMORE. MY MOTHER STOPPED TALKING
AND WALKING ALTOGETHER. WE HAD TO PUT HER IN A
NURSING HOME WHICH WAS CLOSE TO OUR HOME.
I WENT TO SEE HER EVERY DAY TO FEED HER AND TRY
TO EASE THE PAIN OF ALZHEIMER'S..
SHE WAS IN THE NURSING HOME FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS
BEFORE SHE PASSED AWAY.
IT IS A VERY HARD THING TO DO TO PUT SOMEONE YOU
LOVE VERY MUCH IN A NURSING HOME,
BUT SOMETIMES IT IS FOR THE BEST THEY TELL ME,
EVEN WHEN THE ALZHEIMER'S TOOK OVER, WHICH IS VERY UNUSUAL.
IN THE FINAL STAGE OF ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE YOU LOSE
ALMOST ALL INTELLECTUAL ABILITIES,
ALMOST ALL SPEECH AND MOTOR COORDINATION,
AND ALL MEMORY. YOU RECOGNIZE NO ONE
AND REMEMBER NOTHING. THE "SELF" IS GONE.
COMFORT CARE IS ALL THAT IS POSSIBLE AT THIS STAGE.
YOU NEED TO BE BEDDED, BATHED, FED, AND PROTECTED FROM HARM.
THIS STAGE IS HEART BREAKING, BUT RESEARCH SAYS THAT
THE PATIENT'S SUFFERING IS OVER, AS HE OR SHE IS NO
LONGER CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING WHAT IS GOING ON
SOMETIMES I WONDER IF THIS IS TRUE).
IT IS LIKE SOMEONE CUT A PIECE OF YOUR HEART OUT
WITH A SHARP KNIFE.
It was from you (MOM) that I first learned
By: John Sterling
"You are born with a burning candle and your
life is over when the candle burns down".
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
to bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken
no time to say goodbye
you were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness
and secret tears still flow,
what it meant to lose you,
no one will ever know.
Mom, Thank you for my life, I will always miss you and love you!!!
No matter how old we are, losing a mother
I call home and a recording says
that the number is no longer in service.
I want to know your at home and everything is all right,
but it's not.
I'm empty, hollow, depressed.
You were our home,
You were the family,
You were Christmas,
You kept us together.
We've all flown apart.
Time as they say does not heal all wounds.
My Mother and Me at the Nursing Home
Mom in her younger days
Alzheimer's Tiptoed in
That glimmer that was once there, now is gone.
Sometimes I wonder if you even know my name,
what time it is... yesterday... what's been done.
Your mind seems so clouded and confused;
you sit and try to understand.
I even wonder what it is that's left of you:
a blank face, behind a smiling mask.
Some days are good days,
others are bad.
The Alzheimer's has control.
Then, it seems to have disappeared.
You don't understand
and you strike at me,
seem to realize the reality,
and you're sorry, no longer mad.
We walk, precious moments, in the park,
even though you're winded fast.
I look to these times in the dark,
when you think it's morning, ready to start anew.
It's strange, how you once cared for me,
and now it's I who cares for you.
Each moment of needed sleep I stay away from you,
I feel relieved, but guilty. I'm not there...
You often walk the halls,
something's troubling you.
If I ask, and you speak, I don't understand.
Your voice is mumbles, gasps, and even stranger sounds.
Oh how I wish that I could ease the pain.
The world you once knew has crumbled, fallen down.
The time has come
for us to part.
If I had one wish come true,
it would be: you'd find the love I have for you.
But this unseen killer with the booming voice
has called, and taken you away.
One last time, I whisper in your ear,
"I love you mama, and I know you love me too."
Copyright ? 1997 William Smiley
Used with permission of the author
E Mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
LETTER FROM HEAVEN
but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."
It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man.
God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years
because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.
If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."
And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.
So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,
remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me.
Copyright ? by Ruth Ann Mahaffey
Posted with permission
Ruth Ann Mahaffey wrote this poem in memory
of her late husband, Dick Mahaffey who
passed away in 1992.
A MESSAGE FROM HEAVEN
There comes a time when we all die. Just take heed now that I'm at peace
and free from my pain. I will always be watching over you.
Our love will always be held true. Don't you weep now, don't you mourn
or my heart will then be torn. Just remember the good times we shared,
knowing that we always cared. I've not gone away, we'll never part,
as I will always be in your heart.
by Carol Matthews
Memories Of You
your voice, you smile, your touch,
the way you walked, the way you talked,
the way you looked at me, meant so much.
I remember all the words you said to me,
some funny, some kind, some wise,
all of the things you did for me,
I see now with different eyes.
I remember every moment we shared,
seems like only yesterday,
or maybe it was eons ago,
It's really hard to say.
You are gone from me now,
but one they can't take away,
your memory resides inside my heart,
and lights up my darkest days...
A Woman With Alzheimer's
She used to be a part of that busy little universe, but that seems like
another lifetime ago.
In that other lifetime, she used to be "Queen of the scene", but now she is
just another number.
Her hopes and dreams were to change the world and to make a better place of
it. Now she watches the world, detatched from it, afraid of the dangers
around every corner.
She just can't seem to think of her name right now, or which shoe goes on
which foot, but that's ok, the girls in white will be coming around soon to
Perhaps I will make the one with the curly hair my daughter again
today....She likes the one with the curly hair, because she always puts her
hair in pretty ribbons like she wore when she was young and beautiful.
Perhaps the one with the curly hair will dress me in my favorite red dress,
so that I can be "Queen of the Scene" once again.
By......Laura Josselyn ? 1989
Thank you Laura for this lovely poem!
when you miss someone so much that
you just want to pick them from your dreams
and hug them for real.
Wind Beneath My Wings
To never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.
So I was the one with all the glory,
While you were the one with all the strain.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
And everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings.
It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
But I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings.
Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings,
'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
So high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings
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THIS PAGE IS A TRIBUTE TO MY WONDERFUL MOTHER!
Copyright ? May, 1998 by Fanny.
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