**SPOILERS**
Episode Review Vault - Season I
**SPOILERS**
#101 - "Cartman Gets An Anal Probe"
#102 - "Weight Gain 4000"
#103 - "Volcano"
#104 - "Big Gat Al's Big Gay Boat Ride"
#105 - "An Elephant makes love to a Pig"
#106 - "Death"
#107 - "Pink Eye - HALLOWEEN SPECIAL"
#108 - "Damien"
8/13/97
#101 - "Cartman Get's an Anal Probe"
Rating - * * * *
| Well you know how the sayings go... this was the first, and best... well, one of the best. In this original, Cartman had a dream that he was abducted by aliens, but it wasn't a dream. Stan and Kyle said that they saw UFO's hovering around South Park that night too. And this cow rancher had reports of some mutilated cows, and Officer Barbrady comes to investigate and laughs at the idea of cows being mutilated by aliens, but then the cows see an alien tempting them with hay... then the cows go on a rampage and stampede away with Officer Barbrady behind. So Cartman doesn't believe him, untill he starts farting fire and have little eyes coming out of his ass. Hilarious. Then the aliens steal Ike from Kyle, and he wants Ike back damnit! So he first tries to reason with them, giving them a nice little speech, but the aliens refuse and shoot Kenny with a fireball, but he was ok, untill a herd of cows ran him over, but he lived through that too, untill Officer Barbrady ran him over in his squad car. Apparently the speech didn't work, so the Kyle just exploded, he was all like "GET OVER HERE YOU &*$$%@ $%^@@ im gonna kick your @#$%^ %^@#@^( #@#%^%&*%&*@#@$^@%&&(*#%^@$@@^& ^*())^*&$%^Y@!!!#@$$%^$%^%&**((*_) _&$&^##%@%$@%&%^&@ you are such a $%&^*$!@$%@#%%&&($^@$%@#%!!!!!! so the aliens released Ike and they all lived happily ever after, but Cartman dreamed again that he was abducted and was gived pink eye from someone, i forget who. It was a classic. |
8/27/97
#102 - "Weight Gain 4000"
Rating - * * * *
| This is also a classic, and also one of the best. It starts off with Cartman winning an essay thing for school after he cheats. Wendy Testaburger is not pleased because she wanted to win, not Cartman. But anyhoo, to celebrate Cartmans cool essay award, Kathie Lee Gifford comes to town to give the award to Cartman. The Mayor suggests that Cartman gets into shape for the big day. So Cartman goes home to eat some Cheesy Poofs, like usual, and sees this ad on TV, for Weight Gain 4000. After a little convinceing (whining) to his mom, she goes and gets it for him. The commercial also had a little saying, "BEEFCAKE!" "BEEFCAKE!". So when Cartman gets fatter and fatter from drinking the weight gain, he says BEEFCAKE! BEEFCAKE! So Kyle finally came to reasoning with Cartman, by saying "Cartman, your are such a fat ass, that when people walk down the street, they say 'Goddamnit that a big fat ass!'" Cartman as usual doesn't believe him, but a pedestrian walks by saying "Goddamn thats a big fat ass!" Cartman is like all like "Hey!". So by the ceremony comes around, Kathie Lee is in South Park and is making a speech while Mr. Garrison is trying to snipe her from the book depository, with a gun he bought earlier that day. Stan and Wendy try to reason with him, but it didn't work. He was trying to kill Kathie Lee because she won a talent show over Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat. So when he trys to shoot her, he shoots Kenny instead, and Kenny starts hits the top of the flag pole and slides down it by his head, leaving a trail of blood and brains. And as Barbrady was passing the pole with kenny stuck to it, he was happy that no one was hurt. |
8/20/97
#103 - "Volcano"
Rating - * * *
| This on was good, but not very good. It starts off as the boys are going to go on a camping trip with Stan's uncle, Jimbo and his friend, Ned on a mountain, Cartman gets a little kissy from his mom and their off. They go about 1/4 of a mile and they are there. They did everything from fishing with grenades to hunting with rockets. Cartman tells this story about a monster called "Skuzzlebutt", that has one arm made of celery, and a leg with TV's Patrick Duffy attached to it. He makes baskets for a living. The boys don't believe him so he makes up his own little skuzzlebutt costume. While Cartman is gone, Kenny is out fishing with Jimbo and Ned. Stan gets upset because Jimbo likes Kenny more than him, and has good reason to, Stan can't kill anything... Kyles thinks that {fart}. So when Cartman comes back as skuzzlebutt, they try to kill him out of instict. So he unvails himself right as the mountain blows its top. They are separated from civilization bye a river of lava. So the REAL skuzzlebutt comes out. Ned drops his gun and shoots kenny, who isn't dead, but a big ball of lava comes out and falls on him... but still not dead, so finally his coat catches of fire and the ball of lava rolls over onto him . So skuzzlebutt makes a basket and lifts them over. Just when everyone starts to enjoy skuzzlebutts presence, Stan gets the guts to kill skuzzlebutt, but now everyone is mad at him! what the hell?! |
9/3/97
#104 - "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride"
Rating - * * * *
| This one is funny as hell. It is a show about being gay is ok. Stans dog, Sparky is gay. He follows him to his football games and practices. But when the Kyle, Kenny and Cartman question Sparkys toughness, Stan makes Sparky fight the meanest dog in South Park. But instead of fighting, Sparky starts to hump the meanest dog in South Park. Stan doesn't like his dog being gay. He wants a "butch" or a "Rin Tin Tin" kinda dog. Sparky overheard this and ran away. He found the place where Big Gay Al lives. As you probably figured out, he is gay too. He has lots of other gay animals at his Big Gay Animal Sancuary(<--spelling?). Stan gets worried and goes to look for him. He is the star quarterback for the South Park Cows (his football team). They get worried because everyone else on the team sucks. He finds this shelter and then finds Sparky. But Sparky doesn't wanna go back, because Stan doesn't accept his gayness. But Stan convices him that he has accepted it. So they go home and beat the spread (7-42 Denver Cowboys i think). And Stan makes a little speech on how its ok to be gay! |
9/10/97
#105 - "An Elephant makes love to a Pig"
Rating - * * *
| This one starts off innocently enough. Kyle got a new pet elephant, but he wasn't allowed to keep it because it was too big. So in class that day, Mr. Garrison was discussing genetics and cloning. Kyle asked if an elephant and Cartmans pig, Fluffy could be morphed together, he said that there was a chance, but wasn't sure. Another kid in the class (mephesto, the geneticist's son) said he would clone a whole human before they could clone an elephant-pig hybrid. So they go to Mephestos genetics lab. He has lotsa animals with 4 asses, but there isn't a way that a elephant and pig mix. Haven't you ever heard that song by Loverboy? Anyhoo, as usual they go to chef for help. He says the only way a pig and elephant could make a hybrid is to have them make sweet love. So that night they got the animals all boosed up and turned on the music and they did it. Meanwhile the other kid got a blood sample that mephesto took from stan. They made an evil clone of Stan! The clone was reaking havoc on South Park until Mephesto shot and killed him. But not before the clone stuck Kenny in a microwave and crisped him. Then in class the next day Cartman's Pig was giving birth. The babies looked suprisingly like Mr. Garrison though. Huh. |
9/17/97
#106 - "Death"
Rating - * * *
| Death reaks havoc on South Park in this episode. Stans grandfather is getting old in his old age (<--?). He wants to kill himself because of all the pain and suffering he has to go through. The boys help him by tying a cow to a rope and hanging it of grandpa. They have a knife ready to cut the rope when officer barbrady comes along and stops... but then says "Carry on" and leaves. Then all of a sudden Death appears outta no where. Death is chasing the boys instead of Grandpa... he is behind them chasing death in his wheelchair. Finally Death caught up to them on a tricycle and touches Kenny... Killing him. Death was only after Kenny the whole time! So then Grandpa's Grandpa appears with death and Kenny in sorta like a vision. He said that you have to die of natural causes... or spend eternity in limbo. So Grandpa goes to africa in hopes of getting eaten by a lion. Your so silly grandpa... hahahahahaha (?). |
| I like this one. It starts off in the russian spacecraft "MIR". They are celebrating halloween by wearing a mask... and saying "Boo"... original isn't it? Then something goes wrong and it crashes right next to the boys and right on Kenny. People from South Park Morgue comes quickly and takes the flattened out kenny to the Mortuary. There he is filling up with embalming fluid and draining out of blood. One of the mogue guys is eathing a hot dog with "Worcestire Sauce" (<--Spelling?). And he spills some into the embalming tank and goes into Kenny. So Kenny turns into a Zombie! Stan, Kyle, and Cartman don't know the difference. His limbs are fallin off. He starts eating the brains of other people turning them into brain eating zombies. Now while they are zombies... they have a pinkish puffiness around their eyes that the docter thinks is pink eye. So Kyle Stan and Cartman start killing them off by cutting them in half with a chainsaw. But they realize that you only need to kill the main zombie... Kenny to turn all the other ones back. So they do that. And kenny gets burried. |
| Damien starts off with a new student in the class... Damien (surprise surprise). He comes in with all these chants and stuff in the background. He declares that he is from the 7th layer of hell. No one really gives a hoot. That day in lunch... Cartman said that Kenny said something about Damiens mom (i think). Damien turns kenny into a duck-billed platypus and starts a rampage with food and books flying around him. That day in recess that same thing happend... he burned slides and destroyed the playground. Mr. Mackey talked with him. Damien said "Everybody hates me", Mr Mackey said "Well, why do you think that is?" , "Because Im the son of the Devil.". Then Saten comes and challenges Jesus to a fight that will be on Pay-Per-View. Meanwhile, it is Cartman's birthday and no one comes because they are watching the fight of the centry, Jesus vs Satan. Satan purposly looses to win money off a bet. |
