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Our WWE production team brings us to Rebadow's Mature Beyond Youth Center where we have set up a classic battle in the courtyard between Hollywood Hulk Hogan and The Nature Boy Ric Flair. Woooooooo! Just remember that the elderly gentlemen are right now taking their naps but as soon as they come to, the object of this match is simple. It’s a modified Cage match to meet the needs of the elders. It's a fenced in courtyard, and the first one out gets to leave the old age home. The fence is a whooping 3 feet tall and the grass has just been cut.
Tony: I am Tony Schiavone returning as your color commentator along with Drunken Joey Styles
Joey: That’s right Tony, since the ECW went under I have been working on outside projects in my community but now it's time for me to return my skills to the ring
Tony: Working at the Food Lion huh?
Joey: yeah (in embarrassed tone)
Tony: alright down to court side, as you can see all the nurses are aiding the seniors to the outside of the fence so they can watch the event
Joey: yes all these seniors know both Hogan and Flair and are as annoyed with their constant babbling about the good ol' days as we are
Tony: There's the Hulk coming to the Ring to the sound of Jimmy Hendrix' guitar as Voodoo Child plays on the boom box...
Joey: Looks like he's having a little trouble tearing that t shirt off
Tony: it was precut wasn't it...
Joey: Ric Flair comes to the ring as his signature theme plays, looks to me like he's draped in his wife's bath rub. Oops he fell! But not a problem, that’s to prove that he can still take a beating,
Tony: your referee for this evening is Vince McMahon who occupies room number 325.
Joey: Ric Flair smacks his flabby tits to intimidate Hogan but only ends up stinging himself.
Tony: Hogan is having his own troubles as his T-shirt is still bothering him. Vince McMahon has fell asleep
Joey: the eternal Struggle a man and his shirt 25 years ago he took it off like lightning, but now he needs nurse Beverly to cut him free
Tony: Flair and Hogan get together in a grapple... looks like Hogan is winning and slaps Flair. Flair shakes it off
Flair: Whooooooooooooo!
Joey: Does he have to do that?
Tony: Hogan tries to kick Flair in his belly, but Hogan's leg doesn’t reach that high and ends up in a brutal unexpected groin kick instead. Hogan waves him hand to the audience for approval
Joey: The Nature boy tries to run to the fence to make his escape but Hogan yells "Not today brother!"
Tony: Hogan grabs Flair and smacks his head off the top of the fence. Flair goes out like a light and lays unconscious. Hogan takes this advantage and paces himself to the fence opening for a possible escape attempt.
Joey: Oh my god it's Arn Anderson with a bed pan!!!
DANK!
Hogan: uuuuuuuuuuuugh brother.....
Tony: He just got numbered
Joey: Looks like Vince is finally coming to he sees that the bedpan has come into play.
Vince yells out to the audience: Now listen up, this match is now no DQ, nurses bring in the equipment
Tony: More bed pans, a stretcher, a oxygen tank, a ladder, and a casket are now in play.
Joey: as well as a razor blade for blading
Tony: shhhhhhh you wanna get us fired?
Joey: Hogan sees the stretcher and drags the still woozy Flair up and lays him on that stretcher.
Tony: What on earth for?
Joey: he's looking at that ladder... but he couldn't be thinking that!
Tony: Hogan is setting up the ladder and this don’t look good he's climbing! and climbing, he trips... he's still climbing....
Joey: No fucking way he's gone past the safety step!
All the seniors unite in a Hogan chant.
Hogan has reached the top of that 7-foot ladder. And waves his hand and points to heaven
Tony: He is trying the Swanton Bomb
SPLAT
Hogan lands on his back on the ground completely missing Flair now dazed and confused
Hogan: Brother Brother Brother
Flair: Whooooooooo
Joey: Flair grabs that bed pan and goes wild on Hulkamania
CLANK!
Hogan: What the Hell Brother
Flair: Whoooooooooooo!
Joey: Flair grabs that wheel chair, He's actually running Hogan down with it?
Tony: Hogan seems to be in much pain
Joey: Vince is allowing this, Flair tries for that figure four leg lock,
Tony: seems to be havin some trouble
Flair: ah fuck it
Flair makes a run for the cage instead as Arn Anderson opens the door for Flair to have an easy escape
Tony: will you look at that coward, Ass pony Arn is there to save the day
Joey: what the fuck, it's Hacksaw Jim Duggan he was disguise as a occupant in the old age home all along
Tony: Disguised?
Joey: he takes Arn and brings him into the fenced area and slams him head first into the casket!
Hogan: brother......
Joey: Hogan sees the open fence and drags himself forward Flair is almost there but sees the life in Hogan
Tony: Hogan gets up and scoop slams Flair Hogan goes asks the audience if they want to see it? Hogan goes to one side of the fence and whips off it and delivers his leg drop!
Hogan: count Brother!
Vince: no pins dummy,
Hogan gets to his feet
Joey: Hogan has that crazy look in his eye and he is looking at Vinnie Mac
Tony: Hogan you're supposed to walk out of the fence what the fuck are you doing you senile bastard
Hogan levels a fist into Vince's dome piece Vince blades himself severely to put Hogan over Hogan realizes the match is his for the taking and approaches the end
Tony: He's going to win this thing
Joey: sit down Tony
Tony: Hogan Wins FENCED HEAT
Joey: FENCED HEAT? What the fuck where you smoking before you got here?
Tony: Hacksaw and Brutus come to greet Hogan, as McMahon is being carried into the Ambulance via stretcher for massive blood lose.
Joey: Have you ever seen an old man so happy?
Tony: no I haven't but you can imagine Flair and Arn are not going to be exchanging their love for each other tonight!
Joey: maybe not but I know Hogan is gonna go home and pop in some viagras and have himself a barnburner as he is now freed from the old folks home
Tony: good Night every body!
Prisoner #97P904 Ryan O'Reily. Convicted July 12, 1997. Two counts, vehicular manslaughter; five counts, reckless endangerment; possession of controlled substances; criminal possession of a weapon; parole violation. Sentence: Life imprisonment, up for parole in 12.
