Please read this fully...
It is time to stop and think!
Even If you are just thinking of getting married...Please read these pages and make sure you are making a completely informed choice when picking a spouse. Sometimes your heart overlooks the Warning Signs.
We ask you to read this because our Members of Gentle Spirits of the Net care about you!
Having been abused ourselves or having lived through a family or friends abuse. Many of our Member's are at wit's end trying to think of a way to make you stop and realize you are worth more than you will ever believe now! We have slammed our heads against walls from frustration every time we hear another woman's story. YES you can rebuild your life and realize harmony. YES your children can recover. Yes you can change your pattern. You only have to realize you are not alone...you don't deserve how your treated...and you must realize no material thing is worth the destruction that is happening to you and ultimately your Children!
Life begins again when the abuse stops!
Look at this face and tell me is she disgusting and ugly? Does she look like someone who is so useless they don't deserve the food they eat?
That's me, the GSON Group and Webring Leader at 47 years old. While I don't think I am the best thing that has stepped foot on dry land I do not think I am as putrid and disgusting as my abuser said either. There was a time I was so beaten down by my Husband I would look in the mirror and see a monster....that monster was me. I took 18 years of having everything from guns put to my head to being slugged, kicked and screamed at on a DAILY basis. I was told many times at the dinner table that I was not worth the food I ate... after working a good job all day. He constantly put down everything I did or said. To the point I didn't even think I went to the bathroom correctly. Or I wouldn't go anywhere socially with him because his ridicule of anything I said or did during the night was too much to handle when I got home. He made me feel very insecure about myself which led to the feeling of worthlessness. To this day I even have one person I work with that tells me how nice they think my Ex-husband is..and I agree he is nice....to everyone else but his Family. They say in our Souls we know from the first moment how a relationship will end... I did but I just didn't want to believe it.
Believe this or not..... I live in a small town on the Michigan-Ohio border. Over the past few years in this small quiet town alone we have had 2 Domestic Murders. I worked with one Woman and knew the other from my workplace. One's body has never been found. Talking with her Mother I found that the Family had no idea her Ex-husband was capable of doing this to their daughter. The Mother is now a lost soul. When I see her Mother she is a bundle of nerves. One day just days before Christmas she locked her keys in the car, just a simple mistake. We called the Township Police to help her open her doors so she could put her things in and get home. During the wait she broke down and cried, how much worse could her life get? Her Ex-Son-In-Law is in jail for an unrelated Murder and has been advised by his Lawyers not to reveal where Michele's body is. (update: Michele's body was found 4/20/2001. She was found buried at BGSU in Bowling Green, Ohio in a Construction dump. Her Family may now let her rest...)
The second Woman was killed and chopped up by her Husband and her body parts were spread across Lower Michigan and upper Ohio. This man only got a few years in jail because they could NOT find her torso and without it they had no idea how he killed her. He said she committed suicide and he panicked and cut her to pieces..his word with no proof either way. I had met the Husband on more than a few occasions when he was with his Wife and their small children. If someone had told me she was going to die by his hand I would have said , "No Way"! Not that he was a pleasant man, he wasn't. His personality, attitude and body language all screamed abuser. It's just we never believe it can happen to us or someone we know. We tend to think it only happens in the Lower Income homes and to people we don't know...not true!
The Point...These woman and their families all loved and trusted these men at one time. They both Married with big weddings, receiving the well wishes of Family and Friends. They too thought it would never happen to them. That's why it is important to learn and memorize the Warning Signs of an Abuser and take your future seriously.
Do you think Jealousy means he loves you?
Think about this....Think it's cute when he gets jealous when your talking to someone else of the opposite sex? Think about it going on until death do you part. After years it becomes accusing. When he constantly questions if your sleeping with who ever is on his hit list at the moment something serious happens to your Spirit. You learn to stop talking to other men when he's around because you know your going home to a fight. Jealousy means he is insecure...it does not mean he loves you OH SO MUCH! If his jealousy makes you feel uncomfortable and changes your behavior or makes you walk on eggshells with other people when he is around...you are being mentally abused and controlled.
Do you like a Strong Protective man?
Think about this.....Isn't that sweet he calls all the time just to see what your doing. Years of him calling constantly to make sure you are all right becomes him checking up on you. I am not speaking about the normal kindness we extend to our spouse by leaving a note explaining when we will be home and where we are going so they don't worry. I am talking about you running home before he calls so you do not get into trouble.
Does he need to know everywhere you are going and with who even though it would anger him to have you do the same to him?
Does he pick and choose your friends and let you know by his attitude and/or actions? Does he enforce his choices with a fight or mental punishment if you do not follow his verbal or non-verbal recommendation?
Does he pick and choose your activities, job or hobbies by his actions or attitude? Does he enforce his choices with a fight or mental punishment if you do not follow his verbal or non-verbal recommendation?
Do you have to go to bed and/or get out of bed at the same time he does?
Is he always right?
Does he say it is his way or the Highway?
Does he verbally cut up your intelligence to get his way? Example ~your so stupid just let me do it. Or what do you want to do that for you'll never do it right. Is your workplace the only place you get positive support and quiet.
Does he verbally cut up your body or looks to get his way or prove himself better? Example ~you turned into a pig as soon as I married you but I still wear the same size as I did when we got married. No mans gonna look at an ugly thing like you, your lucky I stay with you..maybe he even says that just after he just accuses you of having an affair.
If so you are married to an Abusive Control Freak and NOT a Strong Protective Man. Remember this behavior is not about you, it is his need to control. He only appears strong because he destroys any confidence you have in yourself.
You should know....Abusers can control you with looks or actions. I could tell by the movement of my husbands mouth if I was doing something he didn't like.. And I knew if I did not correct my behavior I was either going home to a huge fight and/or beatings or he would humiliate me in public.
What is our idea of Mental Punishment?....Any negative attitude change.. not talking, not sleeping with you. Showing his irritations through body language like clenching his fists or giving you the evil eye. Leaving for the bar or a friends house in a bad mood and then not returning home until the wee hours. Just leaving and not saying where he is going knowing you'll worry all night. Driving too fast and recklessly when he leaves or with you in the car. Not coming home purposefully after work and not calling to let you know he is all right.
What is our idea of Mental Intimidation?.....Any negative behavior that is threatening to you and causes you to change your behavior to please him and avoid a confrontation or Mental Punishment.
Do you like a overly Sexual Man?
Think about this.... Sex every night is fantastic until it becomes a forced ritual. Him gently fondling you can be romantic until he refuses to stop by claiming his ownership. What once was a playful sexual loving action after years becomes disrespectful of your body.
If you do not want to have sex even for a valid reason does he get mad? Is it easier to just have sex than listen to him scream for hours? Does he hit you if you say no? Does he change his attitude if you say no even for a good reason? Does he have to have sex once a night or more even if that is too much for you?
Does he get angry if you are in your period and can't have sex and personally blames you for it? Example~ you control your monthly period and you are only having your period that day so you don't have to have sex with him. Does he complain about how long your period lasts because it is inconvenience to HIM sexually?
Does he constantly grab your breasts during the day or evening even though he knows it hurts?
Does he grab your breasts or butt in front of others even though he knows it embarrasses you and you hate it?
Does he accuse you of sleeping with someone else if you say no to having sex?
While some of these questions are normal in very limited quantities I am talking about the man who constantly demands sex and uses Intimidation or Mental Punishment to get his way.
What Causes them to Intimadate?
Did you ever hear the words, "Control Drama"? It is a term used for behavior we learned in Childhood that aquired a certain result for us. Ever see a child throw a tantrum, cry, hit playmates or scream until someone around them gave them what they wanted? That is a perfect example of a learned behavior called a, "Control Drama". Abusive Men have either learned their Intimadating Control Drama from watching a parent or by trial and error. Look at your Husband, Wife, Boyfriend or Co-worker who has an Intimadating Personality thru the eyes of an Adult watching a child throw the tantrum. And maybe you will be able to take some of the blame of causing thier displeasure or wrong doing off your shoulders. By letting a person use Intimadation tactics on you is your own fault but their original behavior pattern is not. And realize it is only thier demand for their way that is causing the problem. Under normal circumstances if you call the Controle Drama Behavior for what it is the Drama will end. EXAMPLE: I realize being an Intimadator by hitting, screaming, pouting or breaking things worked for you as a Child to get your needs met. You are an Adult now and you will find that I will gladly hear your point and try to meet your needs if you give them to me in a way that is not threatning and reasonable. NOTE: Nobody in your life will like it when a, "Poor Me" Controle Drama changes so get ready to stand your ground! Once I got the idea and vision of the different behavior patterns in my mind I could walk away easier from the truly too spoiled to talk to People.
What type of man will your Daughter Marry and your Son become?
Statistics show our Children will inherit by example those patterns we Parents live. For our Children the way we live and allow ourselves to be treated is considered normal behavior.. To say I talked to my Daughter and/or Son and they will never live like that but allow yourself to stay in the situation is insanity! Stop the Abuse before it claims the next generation of your Family!! Remember you will only be treated the way you allow yourself to be treated!! I am not a big excuse person.. don't give me an excuse, just do it is my philosophy with myself. I learned it from my local Prosecutor. He said, "Diana, when you honestly want the abuse to stop it will. Because you will do what you have to, to make it stop". How right he was!
Think about this...Our Mothers taught us to, "just be nice'. They taught us, "Ladies don't argue". They used phrases like, "people won't like you if you act that"or "you'll never catch a Husband with an attitude like that". I went through years of trying to figure out how Men who abuse knew to come near me. I knew they zoned in on me like a bee to honey while some woman they would walk past in a second. So I was sure it was in my body language or in what I said. My girlfriend and I use to joke about woman like me, were we the predator or the prey. Did we choose these men or did they choose us... I believe it is both ways. Mom I have to tell you now.. I have to choose who I am nice to. If someone is hurting me mentally or physically I do not have to, "just be nice". I have the right to stand up for myself. And if, "people won't like me because I act like that", then I will safeguard myself from being abused by them. To choose who comes in your life is not Judgmental, it is Prudent.
Warning Signs of Abuse
· Abusers try to rush the relationship: · Abusers try to isolate you: · Abusers are very jealous: · Abusers try to control your money: · Abusers are verbally or emotionally abusive: · Abusers will mistreat your property or animals: · Abusers don't respect your privacy: · Abusers are often addicted to drugs or alcohol: · Abusers may have a past history of violence:
It is reported that 22% of American women have experienced physical abuse from their husbands or partners. That is almost 1 out of every 4 women in this country! And 53% of Americans personally know of situations where husbands or boyfriends physically abuse women. If you know a Woman in this situation PLEASE make it your business and talk to her. Let her know you think she is worth more. I personally know a Mother who's Daughter is being physically abused and she refuses to talk to her because it is NOT her business. If her own Mom does not let her know she is worth more how will she ever realize she is?
Please take a minute to pray for those who have died at the hands of Domestic Abuse.
If you would like to add a persons name who died from any form of Family Violence to this page write SpiritWindDiana@aol.com and it will be added.
There are literally hundreds of pages on the Net dedicated to Abuse Issues....Don't find yourself being the future owner of one of these pages. Please keep reading until you understand Abuse is happening to all types of Woman in all walks of life..regardless of color or intelligence. All of us woman who make these page are intelligent or we would not be able to learn the skills required to do so. Please read until you figure out abuse can lead to death or permanent injury. Please keep reading until you take your life and personal power back and insure you will have a future to look forward to.
Thank You, Gentle Spirits of the Net
Leave an inspirational message or story on our Forum
Go to keywords and search for Victims Support Groups in your area.
If you have no where to go in an emergency search through Keywords for a Battered Woman's Shelters in your City.
If you want a divorce and do not have the money for a Lawyer call Legal Aid in your town or contact The Bar Association for a list of possible volunteer Lawyers.
Please call your County Prosecutor or Local Police Department for help or Legal advice. You will need NO Lawyer in this step to get the abuse to stop!Recognizing the potential abuser: "http://content.health.msn.com/content/article/1689.50395"
Break Free from abuse "http://content.health.msn.com/content/article/1674.50287"
Seeing Violence can affect kids more than adults realize "http://content.health.msn.com/content/article/1674.50287"
Free eBook: How to stop domestic violence "http://go.msn.com/newsletter3817/6825.asp"
Silent Tears Inc. Support for Survivors of Domestic Violence "http://msnhomepages.talkcity.com/SupportSt/tangodelata/silenttears.html"
Need help for yourself or someone you know who is being battered? Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline, a 24-hour crisis intervention program, at (800)799-7233.
Personal Pages from recovered Victims around the net. Please add only pages that contain this topic.
Please visit these Sites also
Stop The Violence
Make sure you read Rachel Miller's Ex-husbands Police Transcript on this page.
Author of the book, "Totally Discombobulated",
Thank you to the Web Mistress's for the permission to add these sites to our page.
Moreover News~Woman's Rights Issues~Updated Daily.
site has been recognized by Stop The Violence. For your strength,
This Award is our first Group Award...Thank You Collette, from all of the Gentle Spirits of The Net.
In loving memory of Rachel Miller
Back to Gentle Spirit of the Net Homepage
All Graphics and Background Sets copywritten property of Gentle Spirits of the Net held İbydiana. No other use is permitted. We have gone to great lengths to acquire the Author's of original base Graphics used in the Tubes and Midi on this page. They were acquired from a Tube and Music club. If anyone knows the Author's please contact a member of this group so we may give Credit where Credit is due. The name of this group, Gentle Spirits of the Net is copywritten and held İbydiana. Group Established January2001