-----
BUFFY vs. DRACULA -----
Season 5, Episode 1
Riley: Where've you been?
Buffy: Slaying vampires all willy-nilly because of last season's
soul-melding mojo stuff. Do you think I have issues?
Riley: (yawns) That's nice. Wanna get nekkid?!
Buffy: That was SO last season, cowpoke.
Willow: Go me-e! I can make fi-re! I ru-ule!
(thunderstorm rolls in)
Xander: And monsoons?
Willow: Don't make me turn you into a bunny rabbit.
Anya: (screams)
Giles: Buffy doesn't need me anymore! I am so underappreciated! I
think I'll run back to England! They love me there! Hold me!
WAAAAAH!
Willow: Okay. Ick.
Buffy: Look, sorry Mom. Gotta go. I'm REALLY sorry. Fighting
vamps sucks. (giggles) Ooo! I made a funny!
Drac: I am Count Dracula. Fear me.
Buffy: Pffft! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Drac: Vat? Is it something I said?
Riley: What's Dracula got that I ain't got? I mean, I can be dark
and mysterious and --- ooo! Cheesy curls!
Drac: I am Count Dracula. Fear me.
Xander: HAHAHAHAHA!
Drac: I am sensing a pattern here.
Riley: I could SO be his lacky! You know, all Renfield--
"Heehee! Ooo! Stimpy!"
Spike: That's "Ren and Stimpy" you bloody poofter.
Xander: I'm not Dracula's lacky!
Giles: You have a spider hanging out of your mouth that's telling
me otherwise.
Xander: Damn.
Riley: Ooo! Succubi! Come and get me, girls!
Giles: Can't do that for another eight episodes my boy.
Riley: No foreshadowing allowed? Oh poop. (walks off)
Giles: I, on the other hand....
Buffy: Ooo! Look! Vampires in tutus!
Drac: Vere? Vere?
Buffy: (stakes him) Psych.
Riley: So, no more evil-Xander?
Buffy: Yep. The real evil-Xander comes two episodes from now.
Willow: 'Sides, there wasn't any leather this time. (pauses)
N-n-not that I would know anything about THAT, no sir.
Joyce: Take Dawn with you--- Wait. Who's Da---
Buffy: Shhh! Major plotline alert! You screw this up and Joss
will kill you off even sooner! (pause) Ooops.
(The Grr-Argh! Demon runs across the screen...)
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