On The Outside: By Amy

Ch.10
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AJ McLean's dark eyes narrowed as he gazed into the night sky through the small window. He listened to the harsh breeze rattling the glass square and lightening crashing down and flashing a bright glow into the sea of black night.

"AJ?" a small voice whispered, easing open the creeking door. "You awake?"

"Yes," came AJ's deadpan response, his gaze never wavering. "I thought you had crashed on the couch with Brian."

Nick shrugged, crawling onto the mattress beside his friend. "I couldn't sleep. Everytime I closed my eyes, it's like I got scared almost. It just felt funny. Why are you still up?"

"I've just got stuff on my mind," AJ answered absently. "Rest isn't gonna' come easy tonight. Is Brian asleep?"

The blonde nodded. "Yeah, he's sound asleep. Howie too, but I don't know how they managed it."

"They both had rough days," AJ stated, resting his forehead against the window frame. "Brian is helping Patti through her grief and Howie is trying to keep Kevin from exploding. They're too tired to think probably."

Nick squinted, taking in AJ's blurry form. "Are you crying?"

"No," he responded hastily, rubbing his palm against face.

"It's okay if you are," Nick said slowly. "It's hard not to when stuff like this happens."

"It's just getting to be too much," McLean sighed, lowering his head. "I've been in this position so many times. I've lost practically my whole family, the good ones anyway. But yet, I was never so scared because they weren't my age. Kit was, it don't seem fair. I got my ass beat before, but I never died from it."

"You've been beat too?" Nick mumbled, glancing at AJ's sullen expression.

"Yes," AJ coughed out. "That's why all of this is scarin' me. It brings back too many memories."

"Kids in foster care used to beat me up all the time. Did kids at school hit you?"

AJ's frown formed into a snarl as his eyes became glazed with a red tint. "No, not kids. My uncle. He was twice my size and he'd beat the shit outta' me. He liked it."

Nick looked up fearfully. "What'd you do to deserve it?"

"Deserve it?" AJ repeated in disbelief.

"Yeah," Nick continued. "Whenever anybody ever hit me or yelled at me...They said I always deserved it."

"Nick, no one ever deserves to be hit! There's nothing you did to instigate that. If someone has to hit someone else..Then, they're the one with a problem, not you."

"It's okay," the blue-eyed boy mumbled, unconvincingly. "It's done now, or at least I hope it is."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Nick wiped at his nose. "Kevin was really mad."

AJ sighed, looking over his shoulder at the youth. "He wouldn't hit you."

"How do you know?" Nick debated. "People aren't the same when they're drunk."

"He wasn't completely drunk," AJ corrected. "Anyway, don't worry about it. It's over now."

"If you're tellin' me not to be scared, then why are you?"

"I'm not scared!" AJ declared, returning his gaze to the window. "It just brought back some memories I didn't want to recall, that's all."

"Like what?" Nick persisted.

AJ rolled his eyes. "Don't you get the point? I don't wanna' remember it, okay?"

"Okay," Nick breathed, resting his head to his knees. "AJ?"

"What?" the older teen inquired, unable to shade the annoyance in his voice.

"When does it stop?"

"When does what stop?"

"The pain?" Carter whispered, innocently.

"Hell if I know," McLean growled, clutching his fists around the ragged quilt that rested against the old mattress. "But sometimes, I wish I could just wake up. That this damn life from hell would only be a nightmare, ya' know? I open my eyes and I'd still be livin' in my mom's house and that she never left me." He released a shaky breath. "But so much for dreamin'. It's not like they ever come true."

"And when ya' think they are they're ripped away from you," Nick added. "Personally, sometimes I just wish I could fall asleep. Cause it seems like everytime I wake up..Somethin' bad is happen."

AJ hugged his tired body, rubbing his skinny arms for extra warmth. "People say the Lord won't give you more than you can handle, but I don't think that's true anymore. This is   more than I can handle. I miss bein' real little, then you're too dumb to know how bad life is. So, tell me, what's the worst thing that happened to you, Carter?"

Nick tilted his head to side, staring down at the floor. "A lot happened, I can't just name one. I'm pissed that my parents died. And I'm jealous...Even though I shouldn't be."

"Why shouldn't you be jealous?" AJ pondered, returning his view of direction to the small window.

"I'm jealous that all my siblings got permanent homes and I didn't. I wanted us all to stay together but...Nobody wanted five kids. But, they were younger and cuter, so, they got homes. People wanted them. Nobody wants me." Tears filled his angry eyes. "For once, I just want people to really want me. To not have people look at me like I'm street rat or just some orphan. But it'll never happen, cause that's all I am. I bring bad luck."

"What do ya' mean?"

"I bring bad luck," Nick clarified once again. "Everytime somethin' good happens to me, it gets ruined. My parents died because they wanted to get me a birthday present, that's why they were in the car. The nice foster lady I lived with died....And now, Kit's dead. I should've died instead them."

"That ain't true," AJ argued. "You shouldn't say stuff like that. You should never wish yourself dead or anybody else."

"You never do?"

"I-I did once," the rebellious youth stuttered.

"Your uncle?" Nick assumed.

AJ nodded, covering his eyes with his hands. "Yep. It was...it was after he beat me real bad one night." Tears flooded his brown eyes, freely traveling down his red cheeks. "He came in and he was smashin' glasses and yellin' cuss words as loud as he could. I was just in the living room..I was sleepin' on the couch waitin' up for him cause I didn't know where he was. And I was kinda' scared to be all alone at his house after my mom died. He stormed in there and he grabbed me.." AJ absent-mindedly ran his hand over his neck, recalling the vivid and horrific memory. "He wrapped his huge fist around my shirt collar and he pulled me to my feet. H-he said that everything was my fault and accused me of stealin' some of his money and that he n-needed it for more liquor."

A sob escaped the teen's lips as he fought to continue. "I told him I didn't! I swore to him that I didn't! But he didn't believe me...He slammed his fist into my face and knocked me to the floor. Then, he kicked me...But then-" AJ words lodged in his throat, unable to come out.

"Then what?" Nick softly encouraged, resting his hand against AJ's spine.

AJ lifted his head, showing a face drowned in tears and a startled pair of brown eyes. "He took off his belt and started slapping it against me. Again, and again..and again," he cried, slamming his knuckles into the couch repeatedly. He opened his fist, bringing his shaky hand to his damp forehead.  Calmly, he reached down pulling up his baggy white t-shirt. Against his dark complexion lay red scars from his uncle rage, imprints from the beating forced into his skin and unable to leave his memory.

"I didn't deserve it. No one ever does. That's why I can't sleep. I keep imagining how Kit must have felt before she died. The wounds never heal," he whispered, allowing his shirt to fall back against his flesh. "And I feel bad, because it reminds me of how must I hate my uncle. I promised my mother I'd never hate anybody...but I do and I always will."

"Me too," Nick muttered, leaning back against the bed.

AJ wiped away his bitter tears as he stared into the stormy night. "It's so dark here and there's never gonna' be a light to guide us out."

***********************************************

Nick Carter kept his eyes on the dark pavement, watching his footsteps splash against the puddles lying in the road.

"Look up before you get hit by a parked car," AJ propounded, keeping his head up.

"How do you get hit by a parked car?" the blonde questioned.

McLean released a low groan. "You walk into the car, dipshit."

"Oh."

Brian Littrell shook his head as he turned the street corner. "You two are grouchy as heck. Did you get any sleep at all?"

AJ pulled down the rim of his baseball cap. "Not really, it was just a bad night."

"Brian!" a soft voice called out.

Littrell looked over his shoulder to see a petite brunette running toward him. "Hi, Patti," he greeted gently. "How are you doin'?"

Tears were visible in her sad brown eyes as she approached him. "They found him," she whispered, beneath her breath.

"Found who?" Brian inquired, resting his hand to her waist.

"The killer," she cried softly, burying her face into his shoulder. "They're takin' him into the police station right now."

"I'm so sorry, Patti," the teenager muttered, wrapping his arms around her protectively.

"Where's the station?" Nick asked, abruptly.

AJ stared at the newcomer in amazement. "You can't mean to tell me you want to see that asshole?"

"Yes," the other answered intensely. "I want to see him."

Brian sighed as he continued lightly rubbing Patti's small back. "Nick, that's stupid. It'll only make things worse, you'll have nightmares for years."

"My life is a nightmare," the orphan shot back evenly.

"Patti, did you want to go? Would it make things any easier for you?" Brian queried, carefully pulling away to look into her eyes.

Patti O'Day shook her head, grasping his hand tightly. "No, I can't look," she cried quietly. "I-I don't want to see him. I never want to see him!"

"Okay," Brian agreed, ruffling her brown waves. "You want me to take you home?"

"Please," she answered, hugging him tightly.

"All right," he said, looking back at his young friends. "Guys, I'm gonna' stop in the diner and let Tony know what's goin' on, then I'm going to walk her home."

"I'm going to the police station," Nick repeated, forcefully.

AJ drew in a raspy deep breath. "Fine, kid, I don't have to start my shift at the grocery store for another thirty minutes, I'll walk you."

"Guys, please don't get yourselves in some kind of trouble while you're down there. We have enough to deal with as it is," Brian implored.

AJ gave way to a tiny smirk. "Get in trouble in front of a police station? Brian, even we're not that dense. We'll check in with ya' later. Feel better, Patti."

Nick trailed behind the older teen, slouching his shoulders. "Do you think he'll look like a monster?"

"I dunno," AJ replied, honestly. "People can wear masks, Nick. Some people can look real nice, but inside they're mean. And some people can look scary and be nice. Never judge a book by its cover."

"Books," Carter mocked. "Like I'd ever read a dang book."

"It's just a saying," McLean explained, stepping onto the sidewalk that led toward the east side of the Town Square.

"AJ," Nick stammered, stumbling across the gray path. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?"

"I'm sorry for what happened to you," Nick expressed, squinting as the rough wind blew into his weary eyes. "That stuff you told me last night."

"Oh," AJ breathed, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Well, uh..I'm sorry about that stuff that happened to you, too. I hope things get better."

"Wow," Nick commented, looking into the horde of people gathering before the police station. "A lot of people came."

AJ gave a slight nod. "Yeah, people always come out to see the cops bring in criminals." He rolled his tired eyes. "Even though criminals and deadbeats make up more than half of this hellhole."

"Where is he?" Nick pondered anxiously, jumping in the air to peer over the townspeople.

"There," AJ said, pointing to a police car driving up the street. "He's probably in there. Why do you care so much about seeing this asshole?"

Nick knelt down, lifting up a handful of rocks resting against the sidewalk's edge. "I want to yell at him and let him know how much I hate him."

"You can't," AJ directed. "The cops will bitch at you and the last thing you need is a run in with the cops."

Nick grunted, hanging his head. "Fine, then I'll just throw rocks at him."

"Stop it," McLean ordered, brushing the rocks out the younger male's palm. "You'll only make things worse. I don't even want to be here. You get to see him then we're leavin', got it?"

"Got it," Nick repeated, standing upright.

The squad vechile pulled to side of the road, two officers exiting the automobile. Rounds of crude phrases and obscene gestures traveled from bystanders mouths and bodies as the policemen unlocked the backdoor. The intensity grew in volume and anger as the murderer was dragged from his seat and led toward the building. He was a tall man with a beer belly, uncombed black hair sprawling out in various directions and uncaring, cruel gray eyes.

"What an ugly bastard," Nick mumbled, glaring at the evil man. "Don't you think, AJ?"

When a response never came, the youth glanced over his shoulder, seeing his newfound companion running down the street away from crowd.

"AJ!" Nick hollered, hurrying after him. "AJ, wait!" he pleaded desperately, running steadily down the sidewalk.

Relief washed over the orphan as he saw the rebel stop speeding away and allow his body to sink into the concrete below. He held his face in his hands, his body swaying back and forth.

"AJ," Carter whispered, squatting down at his side. "Look, I'm real sorry. I didn't know seeing that man would make you so upset."

"You don't understand," AJ rasped, gazing up at the young blonde fearfully. "That man is my uncle."

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