Notre Dame undoubtedly received their bogus invitation to the Sugar Bowl based on their deceptive 10-2 regular season record, which to the untrained fan looks impressive, until you realize their ten wins came against teams with a combined 57-70 record. Michigan and USC were the only two good teams on Notre Dame’s schedule, and these two teams lit up the Irish like Guy Fawkes Day in England by a combined score of 91-45.

Keiland Williams sliced through the Notre Dame defense like a hot knife through butter, picking up a career-high 107 yards rushing. Justin Vincent added another blasé 71 yards. In all, the LSU Tigers effortlessly had a total of 245 rushing yards against the sterile Irish defense, which was as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker.

LSU quarterback JaMarcus Russell, the junior who played more like a senior, put the Tigers up for good late in the second quarter with a nonchalant 5-yard touchdown run. The touchdown run was Russell’s first of the season, but then again, LSU didn’t have the luxury of playing Notre Dame every week.

Brady Quinn, the senior who played more like a junior, was held to 15-of-35 for 148 yards passing by the ferocious Tiger defense. The only thing Brady Quinn brought to this game was his helmet and a left-handed jockstrap. At one time he threw the ball at the ground and missed. Quinn also threw not one, but two interceptions. The first interception was anticipated, as always, by the Superdome crowd. Although Brady Quinn’s parents anticipated the second interception, it is not known how many others in the capacity crowd anticipated Quinn’s second pick.

Brady Quinn completed his four-year career at Notre Dame compiling a 13-15 lifetime record against teams that finished the season with a winning record. That left him not knowing whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. Quinn also holds just about every passing record at Notre Dame, including farting the most peas at the moon, although most of those records were previously set by the great Ron Powlus. Head Coach Charlie Weis, who is about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat’s ass in bowl game appearances, is holding out hope someone may find a fifth and possibly a sixth year of eligibility for Brady Quinn.

Some of the Irish faithful hope Brady Quinn will be selected in the upcoming NFL draft. Others want to get drunk and holler “We’re number one” with two fingers up. Do they really think the NFL will be easier than Michigan, USC, and LSU?

We here at the Notre Dame Sucks Website envision Brady Quinn sitting by the phone for two long days, much like the mighty Ron Powlus in 1998. If Brady Quinn gets lonely on April 28th and 29th, perhaps Ron Powlus can give him a call. Imagine the type of call that would be- “Rinnnnng…Rinnnnng… (Quinn) Hello? (Powlus) Wazzzup? (Quinn) Wazzzup? (Powlus) Homos say what. (Quinn) What? (Powlus) Homos say what. (Quinn) What? (Powlus) That’s right. Now go away or I will taunt you a third time. (Quinn) Wait a minute, I have to fart. Brady lowers the phone to his butt and breaks wind into the mouthpiece. Did you hear that? (Powlus) Was that a fart or the first note of the Notre Dame Fight Song?”