Is Your Subconcious Trying To Kill You?
A Subconcious... We all have one, and most of us know we have one. But how much do we really know about it? Well, unless you're a psychologist then probably not a hell of a lot. If you are a psychologist you probably think you know a lot at least but this is all most likely complete and utter bullshit, and you know it.
The subconcious secretly wants you dead. This is a fact (I have no proof for this but it is still a fact.) Right now you're having nagging doubts regarding the truth of what I'm saying. Maybe it's a joke or perhaps I've fryed my brains through excessive internet use. But be strong! These nagging doubts are really your subconcious trying to keep you oblivious to the fact that it has your death planned in graphic detail, stored within your own head!!!!
Like any proper scientist I will begin this explanation by stating my assumptions:
We all have a subconcious.
This subconcious has profound effects upon our everyday actions.
We are more often than not unaware of the extent of this influence.
Now think from the point of view of the subconcious. Residing in the recesses of your brain (the dark, danky places which house your thoughts such as "Britney Spears video + Kleenex = good time", during your everyday life) the subconcious gets to witness you fuck up your sad, pathetic, little life. Looking at you wasting your life staring into the computer screen hour after hour instead of being out having a good time (preferably with women, many different flavours of yogurt and a straw) you might understand the subconcious' anger and desire for release from this life for which it has been a slave.
Yep, the subconcious, sick of being in the passenger seat of your life wants you dead.
But How Does It Kill?
I know what you're thinking. But that's not important right now - concentrate!
Now, obviously the subconcious doesn't have direct access to normal killing utilities such as guns, knives, explosives, poisons or politicians. It has to be more cunning than that, it has to convince us to kill ourselves...
This may manifest itself in the more obvious example of suicide, where the subconcsious has "planted seeds" of thought which the concious mind expands and develops until suicide seems quite a good idea. However within minds with a more integral will to live it becomes harder for the subconcious to convince the concious mind of the benefits of suicide. It has to be a little more subtle. Instead it may suggest that:
"There really is no need to look properly before you cross the road, it's probably clear and if not the cars'll stop in time anyway..." (This method is particularly popular with people from Liverpool)
or "I know, why not take up skydiving!"
or even "How about going to the next KKK rally with a ghetto blaster playing some NWA?"
Some people are less resistant to the urges of the subconcsious such as anyone taking part in The X-Games or Base Jumpers. Other people for various reasons are quite resistant to the subconcious' influence, often because their concious mind is too vacant to process these suggestions. These people contain the most frustrated subconcious which, if ever by freak chance released, could lead to what is often known as "Going Postal".
So, what can we do?
There are many ways that you can avoid the influence of the subconcious. One popular method is to allow yourself to become too stupid for any subconcious suggestion to have any use. Such people can often convert the suicide suggestions into a new found tatse in Pop Music, a need to watch soaps on TV or a desire for sweet food as their minds are too fragile to fully process the ideas of the subconcious. Although this may furthur anger the subconcious it does not make it any more powerful.
For those who don't like the idea of a life full of nothing but pop music, Eastenders and chocolate a new surgical breakthrough has recently occurred. Yes, using a new method pioneered by Dr Sabsadavidivitch (author of the revolutionary Freud Was A Mother-Lover from Mars)the subconcious can be physically removed from a patient before it has the chance to kill. Such patients can have happy, productive lives for up to three minutes after the operation.
This brain had
it's subconcious
removed just in
time...
For more information you can read Dr Sabsadavidivitch's book intitled "Your Brain Is A Psycho and Wants You Dead in Tiny Little Pieces, 1st Edition". But just remember the most important thing is to be aware and think before you act upon an urge to kill yourself or take up any new dangerous hobbies.
I sincerely hope this has been of real help to you and remember not to listen to anyone else - their subconciousess are trying to kill you too! I am the only one you can trust. Just me. Send £100 now!
I'm scared - take me home
(Hate)mailto: ironic_name@yahoo.com