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10/23/01
What a thoughtful gift!
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove". "These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really good". "I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again". "When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing". "Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love". "P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
10/23/01
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for
a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"One penny!?" exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, "Yes."
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a
nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"
"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real
money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy.
"Four cents," he replies.
"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this
place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
10/23/01
TOP TEN THINGS THAT MEN UNDERSTAND ABOUT WOMEN
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10/17/01
A couple in their 60's told their doctor that they wanted to have a baby. The doctor thought this was a bit unusual, but he told the man he would need to do a sperm count. He handed the man a specimen jar and directed him and his wife to the restroom down the hall.
Twenty minutes later, the couple finally emerged from the restroom, still holding the empty container.
"Was there a problem?" asked the doctor.
"Well," explained the man, "I used my right hand for awhile, but I didn't have any luck. Then I used my left hand for a few minutes, and still didn't have any luck. So my wife used her right hand for awhile. When that didn't work, she tried using both hands for several minutes. But, no matter how hard we try, neither one of us can get the lid off this jar!"
10/13/01
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:
Dear
Wife,
You
must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which
you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as
a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn
that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Hilton
Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before
midnight.
Your
Husband
When
he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him
that read as follows:
Dear
Husband,
You,
too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this letter, I will
be at the Sheraton Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Since you
are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more
times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up.
10/13/01
A couple were wanting to get a Barbie set for their daughter and went to the toy shop.
"How much are the Barbie sets?" they asked.
"Depends on which one - they're all different" said the assistant
"What's that one?"
"That's ski-ing Barbie complete with skis - $ 50.00"
"And that one?"
"That's cycling Barbie with bicycle and helmet - $ 56.00"
"That One?"
"Cooking Barbie - complete with cooker - $ 70.00"
They then point to one at the end of the shelf
"How much is that one there?"
"Well, that's Divorced Barbie and is a special set and costs $ 300"
"$ 300!!! - why? - when all the others are around $ 50?"
"It's a Special set - Divorced Barbie comes complete with Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Business and all of Ken's other stuff!!"
9/13/01
A man walked up to a farmer's house, and knocked on the door.
When the farmer's wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew how
to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door. Again, the man
knocked, and again, he asked the same question. Again, she slammed
the door and screamed, "Get the hell away!"
Later, she told her husband of the incident. He said he would stay
home the following day just in case. Sure enough, the next day the
same man returned.
The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door. When
she was asked again if she knew how to have sex she said, "Yes!"
The man replied, "Great! Give some to your husband the next time you
see him, and tell him to keep the hell away from my wife!"
9/06/01
A couple has been married for 75 years. For the husband's 95th birthday, his wife decides to surprise him by hiring a prostitute. That day, the doorbell rings. The husband uses his walker to get to the door and opens it.
A 21-year-old in a latex outfit smiles and says, "Hi, I here to give you super sex!"
The old man says, "I'll take the soup."