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Haywire's Home Page: Its Beautifully Dysfunctional.

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5 Things Generally Dislike this week...

18th October, 2004

Hello everyone, its me again. More content will arrive after my exams are over. Which should be in about two months. You've been so patient up till now... so here is a sketch of an alien with a top hat. I call it "Alien With a Top Hat".

Look at his neat little Top Hat. And a Cane too! What more could you want?

2nd May, 2004

Good afternoon my little droogs, how are you all today?

Now if you just answered my question out loud then there must be something wrong with you....tisk tisk tisk.

I have a few things that you might be interested in,

First of all is a plug for a radio show that some frinds of mine are hosting. It's on 90.7 FM, Tusedays at 7:00 till 8:30 PM. The show is called "Global Produce" and they describe it as a.......I cant beilive I'm going to type this........ a "Fantastically Enjoyable Journey of Sound".

So if your in Melbourne and have nothing better to do, listen for a bit, its actualy pretty good.

You can find more info on the Show and some picture of the hosts "Simon and Bill" right HERE. Trust me, you realy want to read they're description of the show.....

Secondly you must go to this site and OBEY!

Ok thats it for today..........

AND PLEASE SIGN MY GUEST BOOK!!! I realy do like to hear from the people who see this sight.


22nd April, 2004

Well, well, well. What do I have here? It would appear to be a very poorly designed web site. Who made this website you might ask? Well, I guess I did. that's right. I'm responsible for this crap. I'm sorry..........I'll try not to do it again.

It would appear that is has been more then one year since my last post. What has happened to me in that time you might if you really care. Well if your willing to read then I am more then willing to tell. So here is goes.

The past year and a bit have been interesting. So far:

A girl has broken up with me for being a nice guy, over the phone, while I was hung over, on her birthday, before I was able to give her the nice expensive birthday present I bought her. Unfortunately I cannot return the gift.

A different girl has gotten me drunk so she can try to have her way with me. Then she had a change of heart.....(damn).

Another girl and I broke up because......oh wait I probably should tell you why......lets just say it wasn't a good reason. If you heard the reason you would feel sorry for me.

I've gotten myself a part time job at subway (subway, eat fresh), it pays CRAP, I have to work CRAP hours, and I have to serve CRAPHEADS, CRAP FOOD FOR 8 CRAP HOURS STRAIGHT. They made me a shift supervisor at work because I am apparently very reliable, Ithough this would make the job worth while, but NO!!!!! IT MAKES IT CRAPPER. Now I gotta do twice the fucking work and I only get a CRAPPY $1 an hour extra.

I got the crap beaten out of me by a kick-boxer.......apparently I tried to steal his hat. I don't remember it cause I was drunk.......So very drunk. Last I heard, the said Kick-boxer no longer has friends, money or a home. So I guess KARMAS A BITCH ISNT IT?!?!?!?

On my 19th birthday my parents announced that they where going to get divorced (Happy Birthday H), and yes I was hung over at the time. That was a few months ago and they aren't divorced yet, so I guess they just said it to make my birthday as bad as possible.

I was bitten by an American, I fear that I may be infected with Americanism. I am currently watching for signs of stupidity, arrogance, blind patriotism and an unexplained love for oprah. So far I don't show any for these symptoms. But only time will tell.

I was hit in the balls on 6 different occasions. Hit in the head 4.

I was involved in a strange little love triangle thingo (nothing gay).

I applied for the RAAF as a pilot only to be shot down during the second stage of testing by failing the instrument reading test, by only two points. I scored excellently on every other test. So the told me that I could be anything else in the RAAF EXCEPT A PILOT! it just so happens to be the one thing I want to do that I'm not allowed to do. So I decided to wait 12 months and reapply to be a pilot. So I am doing more VCE subjects now until the 12 months are up.

But it hasn't all been bad. I have made good friends through work and school (you guys know who you are), found one hell of a good Souvlaki bar, and I'm currently seeing a beautiful girl from school who I get along well with.......if your reading beautiful girl,....Hi! How's the fish cult going? (AHAHAHA insider joke. Your puny little non insider brains will not comprehend the brilliance of that joke! For you are outsiders!).

I think I've ranted on for long enough.

I also hope to kinda revamp the site a bit. A new design perhaps! only time will tell.


21st January, 2003

Hooray, another quality update brought to you by me.............and moths......evil moths, Oh god how I hate moths. You know what I mean people, they fly around like they own the joint and then have the nerve to fly towards your head and just buzz around it for a few hours or until you pull out some sort of insta-moth-death-device (for me a very large and pointy stick) and send that moth fucker back to the firey bowels of hell from which it spewed forth.

Well....this one is dedicated to the hours of torment thrust upon me by they're mothish evilness!


Anyway stay tuned cause there's more a comin'....................soon I hope


15th January, 2003

Guess what? I'm board, I Have nothing to do and I realized I have a website that I have been abusing.

But here is my problem, I don't know what to update this site with. I have to make some more sections but I'm too lazy unimaginative to think of something you content hungry people would like, I can always make more comics and animation's but that stuff has been gone to death 3 times over.

So if anyone out there in Internet land has any ideas of something they would like to see that doesn't involve small schoolgirls (you sick fuck) or anything sex orientated (this is a fuckin' family site anyway), plz email me your request at

Hhhhmmmmmmmm i've got something I might put up, but we'll have to wait for that.



14th January, 2003


Hello everyone, while sitting at my computer tonight at 2:52 Am in the morning I suddenly came to a harsh yet quit obvious realization about my life. What is this you may ask??? Well I can say that it is not that I am gay, in fact I am very NOT gay (in both senses of the grossly overused word).

I have suddenly realized that I have become something that resembles an angry old man, and at the age of 17 that is NEVER A good thing, in fact it is a horrible thing to become.

Evidence of this can be seen in the few and far between updates I have given this page. Don't believe me??? Go down to the first ever posting and start reading from there, soon you will see my decent into madness and feel the creepyness that seems to follow me around everywhere I go. I personally believe that my bitterness stems from many areas of my life, pick one, cause there are many areas of my life that would make a lesser man stand up and scream "NO MORE" the outburst would then be followed by the sudden exploding/imploding of the subjects head/genitalia. In fact I have lost so much of the will to live that I might go to law school and become a lawyer. (Har Har)

It could also be from my lack of Job (money=chance*the ability to do things),the complete lack of a love life I am experiencing at the moment (girlfriend=happiness), and a very poor VCE enter score (Poor VCE score=Shotgun for vce examiners).

So how does one overcome a slump such as mine (besides Of course a shotgun spree), well I have decide I am going to change things, IT IS MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION (that and learn to spell real good), Yes I know its a bit late but who the fuck cares??? <insert stupid, lack of audience remark here>

or maybe this is all due to the fact that I haven't hit anyone in about a year..........yeah, that's probably it.


9th January, 2003

Yeah I know its been ages since I last updated, but you know what???? All two of you readers out there will have to deal with it, k?

And to celebrate, what I like to call, my newfound Non-lazyness I have started a new (but highly not original) webcomic. Here is the first episode. Hope all two of you like it.


Cannons are meant to hurt people


If you don't get it plz email me at and I will be happy to answer all you questions......idiot


Fury, is everywhere. Its in the men surrounding us, its in the sky, in the air we breath, in the mud, in the raging waters of the rapids of our lives. Fury, a stench so thick, so foul that it suffocates us, its an uncontrollable anger that seems to leap fourth from nowhere in the hearts of men. It makes them do crazy things, things that are not good ideas, things that cause the downfall of good men, things that make the responsible man irresponsible , things that reduce the respectability of honorable man and things that make us loathe the evil man even more then before.

Fury is an uncontrollable beast, clawing at the fiber of humanity, pulling us apart when we should be as one, when we would be so much better off working together then we are shooting and killing each other. It is the enemy of peace, yet even the peaceful have it, or have had it at one point to claim their freedom at the downfall of others.

But fury is far more natural then man himself, and through nature it devours everything in sight, it is the ultimate destructive force of the volcano, the tornado, the tidal wave and the earthquake, the force that shows men the worlds contempt for their feral rage. Fury is a raw force that no man will ever control, for fury controls us, it is our master, our tormentor and at times even our savior.

Fury spawns hatred, revenge, anger, jealousy, vengeance, suffering, pain, sadness, death, brutality, genocide, ridicule, inequality, murder, racism, destruction, suicide, theft, rape, rage, war, hostility, misunderstanding, rebellion, violence, hurt, torment, slaughter, oppression, worry but also spawns even more fury to consume and violate men and women to the very limit of their moral existence.

And through the fury of the universe we were created and through its fury, we will perish.
And all that will be left is the silent fury of a million generations of man at war, with themselves

-H.P. (aka Haywire)

12th December 2001

Well lets see its been a few months since I last updated, well there is one thing I CAN tell not dead.....well at least I think im not.

I haven't done any new animation's or made any new content cause I simply been just too busy (spelling?) I haven't updated the 5 things I HATE this week cause I still REALLY hate everything up there. In fact I HATE you.........yes that's right you. Get up off your computer and play some sports or somthin' you lazy fuck I mean its probably been, what, 3 months since you've seen daylight, your diet probably consists of toilet water and your bodily secretions. Yes that's right, the stuff in your belly button isn't considered dietary fiber! "How dear you speak to me like that" you may say, you know what fuck you, what are you gonna do write me a abusive letter. If so send them to:

I think im being a little too harsh. Im sorry. I wont do it again. Im just trying to hide my true feelings for you. I love you, I LOVE YOU ALL. In Fact Every Morning when I wake up I think of all of you and how incomplete my life would be without you.

Or Not. You decide. I cant really be bothered at the moment. Here is a brain teaser for all of you who still have brain cells

Find the common factor between these words that ISNT fish, colors, numbers, rhyming, cylabuls or stupidity

One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish

if you can figure it out and post the answer in my guest book I'll do somthin' special for ya or somthin'

and im only being mean for entertainment purposes usually a nice guy

27th August 2001

well I finally got around to making Haywire and FOG 2: The took me more then a month to start but I did. Im happy with its success on Newgrounds it got 5th on the daily top 5

as for the new section it is still under way I did get a camera and it is getting used. But what for? You may ask, well no one will ever guess. You just have to wait you impatient content hungry figments of my imagination no one is reading this so I can call you all what ever I want.

Just watch the second installment of haywire and FOG Haywire And FOG 2: The alien

15th July 2001

I just finished the first episode of "Haywire and Fog" the Flash comic that's based on my life I put it in the flash section (well DUH). The completely new section is coming, I just gotta get a camera that works.

9th July 2001

I haven't updated for a while because alien stole my computer and attempted to give it an anal probe (im as confused as you are!!)

but serious now what is the point of typing here no one reads this shit only one person looks at it every now and then (you know who you are, are you happy now). I could just type about nothing here and no one would know about it ....................................... .............................................. . ............. ................sdfgsigisnrtgnrtbksgxkenugtdksrgnygngngngntytytytytytymoeqw ty347856w3847v56bw0487cnqeurhwlsgdflasalsalsolwibtuvawietaowaow567vab0w347 a7wt aegrt q3047q telghtw3046 ewtgjdlosirgt.

Now that I've gotten that out of my system I would like to say that I am still working on Steven Seagul, and a new flash comic based on my life (not exactly on my life cause then it would be boring) and a new segment to this page you'll see what it is exactly when I finish it which should be with in the next month.

26th April 2001

Ha Ha... I am working on a new flash movie this one will be better then the other two I made this one will actually be good. It stars Steven Seagull (do you get the joke if not your pretty stupid)Any ways there is a little picture of the main star just under here.

22nd April 2001

Click hereto watch this amazing flash animation called XiaoXiao if you love flash animation's, Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee you will LOVE this!


17th April 2001

Today was a good day for me you see I went out to lunch with my girlfriend today. We went to a place called "Smoken Joe's" this place was excellent. The food is actually good and you get more then value for money. On the outside the cafe is a colorful giant on the inside it is no different. So if your ever in Melbourne, Australia, have a look at "Smoken Joe's cafe".

Ph: 9370-4888

Fax: 93708418

Address: 680 mount Alexander RD, moonee Ponds, 3039

And no I was not paid to write anything of what I just wrote.


15th April 2001

Well........where should i begin, I am Haywire also know as the Golden Greek, Hazchem, Haywire Haz but I prefer just Haywire (its much more simple to type). I am working on some flash menus and stuff for this site so hopefully it should kick ass soon (I cant promise anything). Here is a little about myself: I come from Australia, and NO, I do not have a pet koala, dingo, emu, gecko or kangaroo no Australian does, its just some crap some guy with to much free time on his hands came up with just to piss off every Australian on earth, so would everyone STOP ASKING ME THAT!!! I am sick of stupid people who have nothing better to do then make my life as hard as possible. I work at Pizza Hut. I listen to anything along the lines of AC DC, Pantera, Metallica, KoRn, Blue Man group, George Thorogood, blink 182, Offspring, Limp Bizket & just about everything else except gay ass boy bands, hip hop, Spice girls or anything like the group of evil wenches. If you want a perfect example of who I feel at the moment listen to 'Flagpole Sitta' by Harvey Danger. Some friends and I have started up a company Called Nad-Kick, basically if you want anyone kick in the groin you call us and for a small and affordable fee we kick them right where it hurts!!! sounds painful don't it? well it is!

Sorry about there only being two movies in the flash section I am working on others. This is my 3rd day of using flash 5.

And please sign my guestbook!

Links (clicky)

Fuck Society: Home of Soft Outer Crust.
Newgrounds: Everyone knows newgrounds
even more people know penny arcade


Use these links if the menu doesnt work
Home Flash Movies Nad Kick Links