Kristin's Anti-LiveJournal

Pot Makes You Dumber

If you're gonna break the law, at least have a little common sense about it. Dumbass.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Skamunist Party - "Hey, Another Ska Tune!"

Freedom: Good Enough to Eat!

This is rather old news, but what the hell is this "freedom fries" bullshit?! I will squat over and piss on any food with the word "freedom" in its title that is ever put in front of my face. Really now. Lots of Americans are opposed to the war anyway. And do we really need to piss off France, one of our allies? All political reasons aside, this renaming of french fries and french toast is idiotic. There you have it. The real reason I am pissed about this is that it is just so damn stupid! Bob Ney from Ohio, you've just lost my vote.

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Grateful Dead - "Scarlet Bagonias"

(I just ripped that off from Livejournal.com).

So around 10:30 or so, a group of Lincoln 19 residents ventured down to the commons for some scrumptious eggs, pancakes, muffins, etc. Maybe it was finals week pressure, or maybe it was just silliness, but soon an attack began on our unsuspecting neighboring table. Corey started light, with napkins, the courteous food-fight invitation. When the other table retaliated with the traditional return napkin, we knew we were good to go. We launched our arsenal, starting with pieces of muffins and then moving on to pieces of omlettes after the muffins generated no response. No reaction led to the nukes: an open single-serving box of cereal (corn flakes showering upon the victims like shrapnel). Nothing. Those pussies. Backing out of a guaranteed-good-time food-fight. To avoid a reaming by the Commons Nazis, we left, quite disappointed with our fellow students.

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Kansas - "Dust in the Wind"

Don't Live in Lincoln Tower; Commons Hilarity

I knew it was too good be true. The third elevator broke today.

I have decided that the commons dining at OSU is the most hilarious situation ever. This morning I was just about to sit down to breakfast when my cup of coffee slid off my tray, spilling onto the carpet (it was early - you can't blame me). Standing less than ten feet away were two commons employees, vacuuming the floor. Neither one seemed to notice the french vanilla mess seeping into the carpet; in fact, they stopped vacuuming shortly thereafter, without ever coming near the coffee. It's probably still there on the carpet, ten hours later.
In a second bit of commons humor, every Thursday evening is buffet night. Last night's buffet was titled "Celebrate Black History Month Buckeye Buffet." What humors me is the menu selection from last night's buffet, including: fried chicken, corn bread, greens with bacon, succotash, and sweet potato pie. I don't know why this is funny exactly... But it is. Oh, how it is.

Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: Alice Cooper - "Desperado"

Functional Elevators; More Dumb Criminals

Let it be known that on Tuesday, February 11th, 2003, all three elevators in Lincoln Tower functioned correctly.

Also, in amusing news, the school newspaper reported that a man who stole a bunch of Clarett jerseys from Long's Bookstore on High Street was caught when police followed his footprints in the snow. Dumbass.

Current Mood: astounded
Current Music: Grateful Dead - "Casey Jones"

I Stand Corrected

Wow - seems like if I mention anything on here that annoys me, something gets done about it in real life. Must be some divine Angelfire address I've got here. First, there was the crime blotter, which reappeared in the newspaper shortly after I complained about its absence. And now, the quality of life in Lincoln Tower. Sure enough, the wet paint signs were not unfounded, as there really was a man painting a wall in my building today! I have never been so impressed with anything in this building, ever. Now, if they would only fix that damn elevator...

Current Mood: More tired than yesterday, that's for sure
Current Music: Delirious - "The Mezzanine Floor"

Criminal Redemption; Lincoln Tower is a Hell Hole

Well, there have been two police blotters in the school newspaper since I last wrote, which pleases me. While no extraordinarily hilarious crimes took place, the fact that enough people were motivated to mischief solely for the purpose of my own entertainment gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

This morning on my way to class, I saw two "wet paint" signs on different walls of my building. Anyone familiar with Lincoln Tower would agree that this is a rare phenomenon, an occurence worth celebrating. The usual lack of attention to this building, characteristically illustrated in their inability to fix our elevators after 15 weeks of school (not to mention summer and winter breaks), seemed to have been abandoned for a productive purpose! But then I saw it: a bare spot. More became apparent; there were patches all over the wall. After touching the walls, I concluded that there never was any wet paint. The idea was far too good to be true - the maintenance in this building has once again confirmed its worthlessness.

Current Mood: Tired
Current Music: The Black Crowes - "Soul Singing"

Criminals are Pussies

I am quite disappointed with the recent lack of crime reported in the OSU newspaper, and consequently, the lack of AntiLiveJournal subject matter. Since returning to school almost two weeks ago, there has been no police blotter in the newspaper. This is quite disappointing to me, as there is nothing else worth reading in that newspaper, except for the occasional article from the Associated Press. And don't think that I haven't been checking - I read that damn paper every day in hopes of catching what used to be a regularly-featured crime report.

The crime blotter has provided us with such entertainment in the past as "Full Tuition Refund Sought with Gun" and various others (which can be seen below in the December 6th entry). I'm not sure if this recent lack of reporting is due to a lack of crime (possible criminal laziness as a result of cold weather?), or due to the Lantern doing away with the crime report (possible staff writer laziness as a result of interesting television?). Either way, something must be done! I demand entertainment, dammit! So if you know anything about crime, go out there and vandalize a little bit of campus so I can get my weekly fix on Monday. You can bet that if I come up with a good illegal idea, I'll be doing the same.

Current Mood: Anxious
Current Music: none

Go Bucks!!!

OSU - UNDEFEATED - NATIONAL CHAMPS 2002!!!!!
How Sweet It Is.

Current Mood: Ecstatic!
Current Music: Just the buzz of ESPN

Bah, Humbug!

To explain my recent lack of sardonicism, I've been away for a while on a ski trip to what is quite possibly the greatest country in the world: Canada, land of the laid back. Not that it matters - my home life is so terribly boring, surely nothing worth noting happened during my absence.
The best source of entertainment? My own mother. I returned from school on the 12th around 11 at night, expecting the Christmas lights to be bright and shining, giving forth the glow of a season which has been lost to commerciality. The house was dark, however. My dear mother had managed to pull up just a little too far in the garage, thus knocking our lights out of commission for a while. No matter, though, as they are now fixed. Like I said, Akron is boring.

My parents want us to put up the tree tonight. It's two days before Christmas - what's the point?! The only reason we're putting it up at all is the party we throw every Christmas Eve for our relatives. No one really cares. Rather than act all fake-happy about throwing this shitty party, we should abolish the tree tradition, as it's just another aspect of commerciality, and far more trouble than it's worth.

Another tradition that will die out with my generation? (Or at least with me, as I have no respect for such things.) Christmas cards. Every year I watch my parents slave away writing cards to people to whom they haven't spoken in months. It is nothing more than a formality, much like thank-you notes. At least thank-you notes are warranted, however, as the person has at least earned thanks. But Christmas cards? More commerciality. Just a process, just some more bullshit etiquette that benefits no one except Hallmark.

Why not throw out the religious aspect of Christmas? No one celebrates it as such - hell, we all know it's all about sending Christmas cards and decorating your house and cutting down trees and getting presents. It's not even about giving presents, only getting them. Goodwill? Who cares. Religion? Who cares. Hook me up with some sweet ass ski apparel and leave me alone.

Current Mood: Bored
Current Music: Eminem - "White America"

Finals Week Blows; Light Pole Falls - Hilarity Ensues

Finals week was so much fun last year when I didn't have to study - a whole week to dick around, just a couple hours when you actually had to be somewhere. Now finals week sucks. Well, finals week is still lots of fun because I still don't study, but the tests are much harder, so the enjoyment is tainted by that just-failed-a-test feeling. My prediction for the quarter - 3.0. My cumulative GPA will still be sickeningly high if this does indeed happen, although a 3.0 would bring it closer to normal standards. I am the person my mother always wanted me to be.

Anyway, on to the stuff that actually makes me write this page...
OSU is building an astroturf field right by my building (for the band to practice on, I'm told). Yesterday while I was walking home, I observed them erecting some light poles - you know, those big lights you see around finer athletic fields on big aluminum poles, with 10 or so blindingly bright bulbs that illuminate the field to near-daytime conditions. Anyway, they're raising this thing, and they have it at about 60º, when the cable on the crane snaps. Huge noise, pole bent, lights broken, light sockets twisted. $30,000 gone in an instant. I laughed. Hilarious to see 4 years tuition dropped from a crane - I like to think it was my tuition money in that light pole. That's it - all of my money was invested right there. Now, almost 24 hours later, the thing is still lying there, still broken, still hilarious. My window faces this directly, so I hope it will bring me enjoyment through the end of finals week.

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Jefferson Airplaine - "White Rabbit"

A Preppy War; Locker Room Porn; A Crappy Library

In a recent Battle of the Preppies, some U Penn students attacked a Princeton student when he visited their school for a debate tournament. A debate tournament! I know that there are heated debates at these tournaments, and I know that how they turn out really makes a lot of difference. I mean, people really care about this stuff! No, wait, I thought I was talking about Big 10 football for a second there. Nobody gives a shit about the debate team. Even if it were a football game, no one gives a shit about it, either, because those are smart schools. Nobody at a smart school really cares about anything but academics, anyway. Hmm... maybe that's why a debate tournament matters so much to them - because it's mildly academic? Ah, the world of rich nerdy kids is so sad sometimes...

Another newspaper blurb told of a $506 million settlement to some 50 male athletes from various schools who were videotaped naked in locker rooms after athletic events. Whoever came up with this scam was genius, pure genius... until getting caught, that is. I wonder if I can put a small camera in my shower? Ten lovely ladies use that shower... I could make a killing!

And in what is quite possibly the funniest opening paragraph of any news article I have ever read:

The Ohio State University Health Sciences Library ranks first nationally in borrowing sources from other university health sciences libraries, according to Susan Kroll, directer of the HSL at Ohio State.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Strawberry Alarm Clock - "Incense and Peppermints"

Kristin in the Nude; Is Nothing Sacred?

I am posing naked for Elaine so she can draw me for her art class (Elaine is my super-awesome roommate, for those of you who don't know). So, since I am just sitting here, I thought I might as well inform you of the latest pile of shit to come across my desk:

The OSU school newspaper, The Lantern, ran an article on what is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. After a sweet-as-hell 13-0 season, the Buckeyes are going to the Fiesta Bowl. (Sad that the riots make more headlines than the undefeated football season.) OSU had a raffle for student tickets, and any student who got a ticket could produce a marriage certificate at the time of purchase to get a second ticket for the significant other. This is a perfectly reasonable idea, for couples already married. But the Lantern's article was about a couple who got married a day after one of them won a ticket just so they could collect on an extra ticket. "We were planning on getting married, but not for a few years," the groom said. "I can't believe we did this and, yes, I am a little overwhelmed. It was definitely worth it," the bride said.

This is the biggest load of horseshit I have heard in months! Honestly! What happened to the sacrament of marriage?! When did it become such a trivial thing to society? Sure, they were planning on getting married, but not for a few years. A few years! That's a long time - plenty of time to graduate and change your mind, decide you don't want a sacred union with this person. And most women who get married while in school don't finish. They don't even have a ring, it was that spontaneous. "We are going to re-do the whole thing. He is going to ask me to marry him and then we will re-do the ceremony," the bride said. Bullshit. I will laugh when they divorce in a few years and are left to regret not completing their graduate degrees over a football ticket.

Current Mood: disgruntled
Current Music: Lifehouse is playing on Elaine's computer right now

LiveJournal Still Sucks

Last night I wrote that livejournal.com sucks. I'm not sure I sufficiently expressed my views, however.

If a current member of livejournal.com invites a nonmember to become a member, that nonmember can become a member. In theory, this is a good idea - make livejournal.com into something exclusive, of which outsiders can only dream of being members. Indeed, on an invite-only basis, the website would be quite elite. Livejournal.com is not, however, invite-only. The website is open to anyone who wishes to be a member, for a small fee. It's selling out! Allowing anyone to join takes the glory out of being invited to join, since the organization is no longer elite. Yet by maintaining the fact that nonpaying members must be invited, livejournal.com is upholding some form of pseudo-elitism. If there are to be paying members using a premium service and non-paying members using a service of lesser quality, which is indeed the case, making those non-paying members strive for invitations is a complete lie, a false claim to superiority. Because, really, anyone can get in.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Bob Dylan - "Like a Rolling Stone"

My Name is Kristin; LiveJournal Sucks

I have several friends who keep Internet diaries at the growing livejournal.com website. This seems like a good idea - publicizing your thoughts, baring your soul on the web. And after reading some of these friends' journals and discussing them over dinner at Damon's (well, it wasn't really dinner - I stumbled upon them accidentally while I was home over Thanksgiving break and stopped to chat), I got the notion to start my own livejournal. Get with the in-crowd, so to speak.

After four days lamenting the painfully slow 56K connection at home, I returned to school, where fast Internet connections abound. All ready to start my very own livejournal, I signed on to the website, anxious to begin. Much to my dismay, I received the following message:

To join LiveJournal, you need an account code. There are two ways to get one:

From an existing LiveJournal user -- most people hear about LiveJournal because their friends are using the site. If this is the case for you, go ask one of your friends for a code. They can get one here. This will get you a basic free account.

Purchasing one - you can purchase a paid account and get access to all the features of LiveJournal.

Who do these people think they are?! Is livejournal.com such an elite society that we common folk can't join in the fun? While I know four people who post there and could easily get an invitation from one of them, I have decided I would much rather make fun of the whole thing. So here it is, my very own Anti-LiveJournal.
"What," you may ask, "is an Anti-LiveJournal?" Well, it's really not that different from a livejournal, except that I'm not using livejournal.com. And since this is basically a live journal, only better (because it comes from a non-elitist service), I might as well do some things to introduce myself...

My name is Kristin and I go to OSU. That's really all you need to know (or, I should say, that's all I care to type right now).

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Neil Diamond - "You'll Be a Woman"
Notice how I ripped off this mood/music ending directly from livejournal.com! Take that!