I'd like to tell you a story about my two best friends growing up, my older sister, Tammi, and my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Tammi was my best friend, next to Jesus Christ, who my parents taught me to love at a very young age. When I was about five years old, I asked the Lord into my heart with my mom. We went to a Baptist Church. If anyone has gone to a Baptisit Church, you know it is convicting. I was so convicted that I went forward five times. I wanted to be saved. I praise God for that conviction in those churches. I was baptized with my dad and big sister, Tammi.
Tammi and I did so much together growing up. A couple of things that are really some of the favorite things we did together are: she taught me how exciting Christmas and Easter are. For all little kids, those are the two biggest days of the year. Probably birthdays are up there too. We had the greatest time. We did sleep overs every night on Easter Eve and Christmas Eve. We would stay up all night talking about what the next day would be like, trying to give all the glory to God, but we were kids. We would count the minutes until we could look at all the presents under the tree or tear the house up and down while looking for our Easter baskets. We played soccer together with my dad who was the coach. He's been a great dad all my life and I praise God for him.
Tammi broke my heart when she went away for kindergarten. She is two and a half years older than me. She left me and my mom. That was just the start of things that I would follow Tammi into. She was the first to go to the middle school that I went to, high school, to play varsity soccer, she was the first to get her driver's license, the first to graduate from high school, and the first to go to Michigan State University, where I'm proud to say that I go to now.
When she left for college, she broke my heart again. There goes my sister, the one who knows me, the one who loves me so much, the one who truly understands my faith and my callings. I spent the rest of my three years in high school feeling like the Lone Ranger in Christianity. A sixteen-year-old needs a companion of his own age or close to, who can understand his troubles and sufferings. I no longer had that.
When I graduated from high school, I finally got back what I needed because I followed Tammi to MSU in the fall of 1997. She took me under her wing again like she always did.
My parents had moved to Illinois in the summer of 1997 right after I graduated from high school. So, when I went to college, my parents were a five hour drive away. We were all by ourselves at MSU, 250 miles away. We were all we had at that point for family.
It was perfect because everything felt right. Tammi and I found a great church in East Lansing called Trinity Church. We have truly enjoyed that church since. We played soccer together again, where the old coach, my dad, got to see us play together again. We studied together, where we would just talk most of the time. We worked out together. She took care of me when I was sick.
Finally, I had Tammi back in my life where I wanted her, leading the way for us and knowing me like I was missing and taking care of me like she always liked to do, like I always liked to have her do. Going to college is pretty scary when you first get started. For me, I had Tammi. It is a big campus and she made it small. I don't know how she did it on her own, but she did. She led the way for us.
Early in the second semester, Tammi and I were planning to go out for dinner around 6:30 p.m. I knew that she went home to Rochester where we used to live for a night. I was expecting a phone call from her all day, but figured that she had been studying all day. Finally, around 7:00 p.m., the phone rang. My friend Drew answered it and I asked if it was Tammi.
He said, "I don't know," with a strange look on his face.
The conversation went like this:
"Ricky," it was my mom. "Ricky, Tammi's gone home to be with the Lord."
"What?"
"Tammi's gone home to be with the Lord."
"What? What happened?"
"She got into an accident on I-69 on the way home from Rochester".
"Is she O.K.? Can I see her? Is she dead?"
"Yes, they've taken her to a hospital. I'm sorry, Ricky, she's gone. There's nothing we can do....."
"I want to see her.... Let me go see her...."
"Ricky, put Scott on the phone."
Everything stopped. Anger, fear, tears, but from where? I don't cry, but I can't stop. Everything is spinning out of control.....the room, the hallway, my life, my comfort, my faith.... I grabbed her picture from my desk and cried and cried..."NO, NO, NO!"
I lost my sister, my friend, my leader on that sad and lonely Saturday, January 17, 1998. She was twenty-one years old.
The next week went by in a blur of tears. Cold....anger....fear....questions....casket....flowers.... What happened? How could this happen? Where is God? Doesn't He love me? How could He let this happen?
I was forced to decide what I was going to do. It was a difficult decision of whether to seek God or to turn to the world for answers, comfort and healing. I knew in my heart that if I was going to make it, I would have to seek God. I chose God, because there is no other way.
I found early comfort in the words of Christ when he was praying before Judas betrayed him:
"My soul is overwhelmed to the point of death."
Matthew 26:38
Yes, this is how I feel.
Seeking for answers and comfort, I started to realize that God wants me to love Him first. Jesus said:
"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me
is not worthy of me;
Anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me
is not worthy of me."
Matthew 10:36
He also said:
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul
and with all your mind and with all your strength.
The second one is this:
Love your neighbor as yourself.
There is no commandement greater than these."
Mark 12:30-31
But, had I ever loved God first? I don't think so. I love my family so much. Up to this point, I think I loved them more than God. I had good intentions, because that is what I thought we should do. I didn't realize that I loved my family more than God. The Lord changed my heart and now I loved God more. Because of this, I have the ability to begin healing which is a process that will go my whole life.
It is now my desire to share with people, especially those who have lost loved ones, who Jesus is and what He can offer through my own ministry at school and work. Now, I sadly say, that I live without my sister to lead me on this earth. I must no longer live with earthly comfort, because I'll never have earthly comfort again. I live alone on God's callings because that is all we can do. That is what we're called to do.
I praise God because Tammi has led us all to a better place. A place better than we could ever find here. She is united with the one who loves us more than anyone. She's in Heaven. I praise God for that. I will follow her. It will be my last chance to follow her.
I'd like to share a letter with you that Tammi wrote two weeks before her accident. I think it is a little prophetic:
Dear Ricky,
I wanted to take the time to tell you that I love you. I thought it might be nice to have a letter to read on the long train ride home. Life is too short and you never know what tomorrow brings. I know that we didn't hang out much this break. You were so busy seeing your buddies, but I miss you. Good luck on your last week at work at Nancy's. I'll be busy working at the El Nibble Nook. I have a hair appointment with Buddy on Wednesday. I cannot wait.
We can go book shopping on Monday if you want. Ricky, I love you so much, so please don't push me away when you need me the most. You don't know how much I love having you here at Michigan State with me. You don't know how much I love playing soccer with you again. This semester, we should study at least one time a week together and go to church every Sunday together.
Good luck with the girls (our sisters, Melissa & Crissie). Hopefully, you'll get along with them. Give them both big hugs for me. I'll continue to pray for you as I always do. You mean the world to me. I hope you know that. Hopefully, you can get some shut eye on the train. You're a great person, Ricky. God has great things planned for you! I'll see you on Sunday. I love you. I miss you.
Love, Tammi
P.S. Give Mom and Dad a big hug for me.
When I die, I know for sure that I will se my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. When I get to Heaven, I will run to His arms. I will cry tears of joy and excitement. I don't know what it will be like, but it will be amazing. Then, I will look for my sister, Tammi.
Now, I'd like to ask you three questions that are very dear to my heart:
1. Are you loving God first and obeying His command to love our neighbors?
2. If you die tonight, are you certain that you will be with Jesus in Heaven?
3. Will those that you love be with Jesus in Heaven?
That is all that matters; having eternity with our Lord and Savior, Jesus.
