KEVIN ARNOLD
Kevin, the main character, is a typical youth growing up in the suburbs in the late 60s-early 70s.. His whole life is centered around girls and dating, even though he's only 13.. Kevin had a crush on a new girl in just about every episode, but he never had sex with any of them.. (What, are you kidding..? Sex wasn't even invented back then..) The only girl that he actually had a real relationship with was Winnie Cooper.. And she was a psychotic bitch..
PAUL PFIEFFER
Paul was a Jewish nerd.. He was allergic to everything.. Who was stupid enough to believe that he grew up to be a psychotic rock star who cut himself open and gave blowjobs in front of a drugged up audience who all hated God..? Paul was Kevin's best friend.. Kevin sure can pick 'em.. A Jewish nerd for a best friend, and an ugly bitch for a girlfriend..
WINNIE COOPER
Out of all the girls that Kevin dated in this series, Winne Cooper was not only the ugliest, but she was the stupidest.. And Kevin kept crawling back to her.. Kevin was a pretty cool guy, but he hung out with idiots.. Winnie moved to another school in later episodes, and Kevin should have just let her go, but instead, he rode his ass across town on his bike, just so that he could see her everyday.. Sucker..
WAYNE ARNOLD
Kevin's older brother Wayne was the coolest character on the Wonder Years.. He was always beating the little dork up, and calling him a butthead.. If it wasn't for Wayne keeping Kevin in line all the time, Kevin would have grown up even more screwed up than he did.. Wayne's only problem is, he didn't know how to take care of himself.. He dated Julliette Lewis.. Blargh!
KAREN ARNOLD
Kevin's sister, Karen, was always arguing with her dad about the war in Vietnam.. She was one of those hippies, and her dad fought in the Korean War, so they have really different views.. See, Kevin's dad married Norma and had a normal family that lived in the suburbs, and Karen did drugs, ditched class, and had sex with tons of guys.. So you could see why they didn't really get along..
CRAIG HOBSON
Craig was a little twerp, but he always gave Kevin helpful advice.. He started dating Kevin's ex... Becky Slater, when she tried to run Kevin over with a bike, and crashed into Craig.. Craig and Becky, although not the dumbest people on the Wonder Year, were definetly the most obnoxious.. I thought I saw the kid that played Craig Hobson in the movie Billy Madison with Adam Sandler, but that kid had such a lousy acting career, that I'm sure he is now flipping burgers at Hardee's and eating his pimples..
DOUG PORTER
The coolest thing about Doug is that his mom always fed him Twinkies.. Man, Hostess makes some of the best snack cakes, and I wouldn't mind hanging out with Doug the Dork as long as I got all the Twinkies I could eat.. One time, Kevin and Paul got in a fight, so Kevin started hanging out with Doug to get his revenge on Paul.. But then he realized that even Free Twinkies couldn't make up for the fact that Doug was a fat idiot.. So he went back to hanging out with the Jew again..
JEFF BILLINGS
Jeff came onto the show in one of the last seasons.. He moved in from another suburb, leaving his girlfriend behind.. It was sad, really.. So Kevin finally made a real friend.. Jeff knew Paul was stupid.. It was only a matter of time before Paul's nose grew to the size of Texas.. Ditch the Jew, Kev.. But after the Wonder Years was cancelled, Jeff Billings, (Played by Giovanni Ribisi) became a big screen actor.. He played a retard in 'The Other Sister', he showed off his dick in 'subUrbia', and he played a stupid cop in 'The Mod Squad'.. I think Gone in 60 Seconds was his most recent movie, and probably his best so far.. He got shot up in Saving Private Ryan, but who really liked that shitty ass long movie..?
MADELINE ADAMS
Madeline was the HOTTEST chick to ever be on the Wonder Years, and Kevin could have had her.. She wanted Kevin so bad, but his heart belonged to Winnie.. That's good of Kevin to be faithful and all, but Winnie wasn't worth it.. In the final episode, Kevin and Winnie ended up NOT getting married.. It never said who Kevin DID marry, but maybe he came to his senses, and took the hottest chick at R.F.K.
BECKY SLATER
Kevin was right to break up with Becky.. She was even dumber than Winnie.. Of course... he was only going out with Becky to get to Winnie anyway.. When Kevin dumped Becky, she slugged him in the gut, and terrorized him through the rest of his middle school life.. She was really ugly.. In realy life, she and Winnie (Danica McKellar) are sisters.. It must be a bad gene..
CHUCK
Chuck.. Yea, he was pretty dumb.. His first appearance was the soccer episode.. He dated some whiney bitch, and almost got her pregnant once.. He had this nervous twitch, and he was always chewing gum.. I don't even have to make fun of this guy.. You can just look at him and laugh.. Kevin didn't hang out with him until later episodes, but he was another one of Kevin's friends who didn't approve of Paul.. That's about the only thing he had going for him though..
LISA BIRLINI
Kevin was really nervous about caling Lisa Berlini.. After Kevin got his ass kicked by a girl, he was afraid to talk to them.. But he started passing notes with Lisa in the back of science class, and then they decided to go to the dance together.. Only, after class was over, she dumped Kevin, and went out with Zack Morris from Saved By The Bell.. Dammit! What are you doing at R.F.K.? Go back to Bayside!
RICKY HALSENBACH
Ricky was Kevin's friend in junior high.. He was older than the rest of them, so he was the first one to get his license.. They were really pressuring him to pass the driving test, so that they could go out and drive around on a Friday night.. They ended up getting mooned, so they thought that it would be a cool idea to moon someone... only it turned out to be Kevin's parents.. Lot's of fun.. Sorry, I couldn't add anything funny..
MR. CANTWELL
Everyone knows Ben Stein.. He got his start on the Wonder Years, but being a television science teacher who talked slow and monotonous didn't pay the bills, he did a Chips Ahoy! commercial, and a Clear Eyes commercial.. Finally he got his own game show, only he was actually giving away his money.. I don't know where he got it from.. His grandmother must have died or something.. But it was a really popular show on Comedy Central for awhile..
ED CUTLIP
Coach Cutlip was Kevin's P.E. teacher thoughout Junior High, and High School.. He was the nerdiest teacher Kevin ever had, and he always tried to make friends with his students.. He once got hit in the head with a basketball when Paul threw his horrible hook shot.. He was a main character in the show, but there isn't much to say about him..
MR. COLLINS
Kevin's math teacher, who graded on the curve, was giving Kevin lower grades, because all of a sudden, some kids started cheating.. Mr. Collins seemed to be ignorant to the fact that the slackers in the class were pulling the highest grades, so Kevin decided the only way to beat 'em, was join 'em.. Because of Kevin's high test scores, Mr. Collins moved him into an advanced math class, where he was even more puzzled than before, only he didn't have to take the math test in his old class, and all the cheaters failed.. Mr. Collins kept Kevin from failing! He wasn't such a bad guy after all.. But then he died.. Awww... too bad
MR. DIPERNA
I just realized that I don't really have anything very funny to say about any of Kevin's techers.. Mr. Diperna was Kevin's Vice Principle in Junior High.. Kevin never really liked him very much.. On the first day of school, he threw an apple across the cafeteria, and got sent to the office.. While he was in the office, he carved his name into Mr. Diperna's desk.. Yea, Mr. Diperna and Kevin never really got along.. I'm sick of writing about the stupid teachers on this show.. I don't even have a profile for Ms. White yet..
