My name is Julie Flynn and I live in Woodbury, Minnesota. I am the mother of 3 beautiful children. In the past year my life has been turned around. I became a stay at home mom, quitting my full time job in February of 2000. After working full time all of my life, I wasn't sure what I would do all day while my kids were in school. While submitting a letter to the Chicken Soup for the Soul Website, I found the teen depression message boards. My heart ached as I started reading posts written by teens. They were depressed, suicidal, and using self injury to deal with their emotional pain. What was even more disturbing for me to see, is the fact that they were scared and alone and did not know who to turn to for help. Then I found out, that everyday in the United States alone, 14 teens commit suicide. It is the second leading cause of death for teens in the United States. Suicide is now the second leading cause of death for teens in Minnesota. I knew something had to be done.

Many teens are afraid to talk to their parents, while some have parents who do not even care. I am not a professional, I have no degrees behind my name and I am not trying to replace anyone’s parents. I only want to be there and be willing to listen to those who feel they cannot go on one more day. I have been very fortunate, kids are reaching out to me with open arms.
My life has been changed forever.

With the help of a teen, who I met on the Internet, we built a Website with all depression issues in mind. I spread the word that I was available for anyone who needed an ear to listen to their pains and their fears. In three months, there had been 3,000 visitors to my site. Beginning in May of 2000, I have volunteered my everyday and every night to these kids with very little time off. I do this because I want to. I do it because there is such a need and I remember how very painful my life was as a teen. It is my goal to help kids now so they do not have to wait until they are my age to be content with who they are.

Being a teenager was a difficult time for me. In fact I hated it. I was very insecure, and very shy, but I didn’t understand why. I had very few friends and I never knew why I was so sad and lonely. No one ever told me I was clinically depressed and I needed help. As I reached out to one crowd in school, my life changed, but not for the better. I began drinking and taking many different drugs. I ran away and experienced things I soon regreted. I hated my life. I didn’t understand what life was all about, and I don’t think my parents knew how depressed I was. They attempted to help me but nothing made me feel better. I missed out on some of the best years of my life because of my depression and because no one helped me to understand what I was feeling.

At 19 I was married and had my first child at the age of 20. My husband was verbally, physically and sexually abusive. He continually reminded me of how stupid, ugly and fat I was. What is so sad about verbal abuse, is you begin to believe it after you have heard it for so long. Any self esteem I may have had was gone. He would not let me have friends over and I could not go out. Soon any friends I had were also gone. After being married 3 years, I got up the courage to divorce him. I was scared to death to leave him as I would now have to raise my daughter on my own. Eventually though, I felt relieved and happy to be away from him.

So where did the suicidal thoughts come from? I didn’t know. I didn’t get it. I just wanted to die. There had already been two suicides in my family (an uncle and cousin). I remember how very sad it was, however, I don't remember anyone saying how very wrong it is. I tried to kill myself twice, but when I did, it scared the hell out of me. I was on the psych ward of the hospital a few times but that didn’t help. Nothing helped. Why was this happening to me? I was lonely, lost, and afraid. I remember times where I was afraid to leave my apartment. I was so afraid of life and I didn’t want anyone to see me this way. I fought very hard to just make it through the day.

Never getting the proper help I needed, I began drinking more and more. It helped me get through the day. My escape from this world where I thought I did not belong. Even though I remarried and had 2 more children, the drinking continued to escalate. I attempted to kill myself again when I was in my early 30’s. My oldest daughter found me in my car with the engine running and the garage door closed. How very sad for her to see me this way. I suppose if I had really wanted to die, I would have done something a little more drastic. But I didn’t want to die, I wanted the pain to go away. However, the more I drank, the more I wanted to die.
I continued to let everyone down, and I thought I was a failure, still.

It wasn’t until May of 1996 that I had had enough. I committed myself to an alcohol treatment center for 30 days. My life finally changed, this time for the better. I started going to AA and found a wonderful therapist. I now love life and am at peace with who I am. There are many reasons for my pain but I choose not to go into them here. I have no intention to place blame on anyone, I am only relieved to finally understand and I am ever so grateful to be alive.

My goal for the rest of my life is to help teens who are depressed and suicidal. To help them stop cutting and injuring themselves to deal with their pain. It breaks my heart to see anyone have to go through this. I have lost many years of my life because I was depressed and didn’t get the right help. I do however, have many years to come where I can use my experience and help teens get the proper help. There is no reason why anyone should suffer or go through pain as I did. Life will always have its ups and downs, but if you suffer from depression, there is help out there,
and I will help you find it.

The public also needs to be reminded that depression is not something to be ashamed of, or if you self injure you are not a freak, you are in pain, plain and simple. Depression is dealt with the very best we know how. If we are not taught the proper ways, we will do whatever we can to run from it. It’s not our fault we are depressed, we do not choose to be this way. What we need is unconditional love and understanding. Someone to take our hand and lead us in the right direction. Teens are not always just going through a phase, many are deeply depressed and we need to recognize the difference. Children are our future, if we as adults don’t provide them with the help they need, who will?

Reach out to someone today. If nothing else, greet them with a smile and let them know you care.

One more thing, remember God, remember to pray,
He listens, we just have to be quiet enough to hear Him speak.

Mental Health Guidelines in Minnesota

Insight on depression (Please read this it may really help)

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