Joe Bob's Drive-In


Here it is, the review you've all been waiting for, the one in which Joe Bob compares "Striptease" (estimated budget, 40 million bucks) to "Stripteaser" (estimated budget, 40 bucks).
* Guess which one's better.
* You already know, don't ya?
* "Striptease" stars Demi Moore, who received $12.5 million for her performance and spends about one full minute nekkid.
Brrrrrrrr!* "Stripteaser" stars Maria Ford, who received $20,000 for her performance and spends about 10 full minutes nekkid.
* The other strippers in "Striptease" are some VERY mediocre- lookin' babes. This is the best they could do?
* The other strippers in "Stripteaser" are HOT. Demi Moore can't dance. She does those dramatic spin-on-your-heel, dangle-off-the-pole dealies, but she never really gets INTO IT. She looks a gal who's WATCHING HERSELF DANCE.
* Maria Ford, on the other hand, gets nasty. The lady knows what high heels were made for.
* The supporting star in "Striptease" is Burt Reynolds, who is so cartoony as the horny U.S. congressman that you start to feel ICKY every time he comes on the screen.
* The supporting star in "Stripteaser" is Rick Dean, who plays a creepy, brain-damaged, suicidal, gun-toting pervert psycho like he really NEEDS to be a maniac. Somebody please give HIM the $12.5 million.
* And another thing about "Striptease." Lemme get this plot straight. Demi Moore gets fired from her job as a secretary at the FBI, loses custody of her daughter to a major sleazeball thief redneck and decides her only choice is to dance nekkid for a living until she can kidnap the kid and then get a series of high-paid private dance jobs for creeps until she can give the kid the healthy nurturing home life she deserves, because, "Not having her around, it's like my heart is missing."
* And Demi uses HER OWN kid in the movie. Like, her real-life kid. Can we spell "therapy"?
* The plot of "Stripteaser," on the other hand, is that a psycho creep pretending to be a blind man comes into a strip club at closing time one night, holds everyone hostage and proceeds to strip away their delusions while telling his life story and forcing everyone to do incredibly degrading things for his twisted amusement. Now THAT is a plot.

OK, let's see how they match up.
Drive-In Academy Award nomination for..."Striptease," one star.
"Stripteaser," four stars.

The choice is yours.

If you think Demi Moore is funny in Striptease, Joe Bob says that Michael York is Not Of This Earth

You can write to Joe Bob Briggs, at P.O. Box 2002, Dallas, Texas 75221. You can also fax him at (213) 462-5982 or e-mail him at

Fun fact:
Famous striper Georgia Southern asked writer H.L. Mencken in 1940 to come up with a classy term for what she did. He coined the term "Ecdysiast," which is still the official term for a stripteaser. It's the Latin/zoological term for a snake shedding its skin.

©1996 Joe Bob Briggs. All rights reserved by New York Times Syndication Sales Corp. and
. This material may not be published, broadcast or redistributed in any manner.

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