Mike Nelson of Mystery Science Theater 3000 reviews:

Once Bitten (1985)

A touching bit of necrophilia

Once Bitten The guy stuck in space with two robots reviewing movies on Mystery Science Theater 3000 (Mike Nelson) says:

"Very little is known about Bram Stoker. Well, very little is known if you don't take the time to look up his name in the encyclopedia. If you work from memory, like I do, little is known beyond the fact that he wrote Dracula, and that he was not in the movie Stoker Ace. Beyond that--a mystery."

Though my picture of him remains characteristically foggy (a lingering effect of watching The Shadow previously, perhaps), his legacy is clear."

"Clearly Nosferatu remains a favorite. And people still applaud Bela Lugosi's nearly heroin-free performance in the Universal classic Dracula (1931).

I recently viewed two films that cast doubts on Mr. Stoker's career. They are "Once Bitten," starring Jim Carrey, and "Vampire In Brooklyn," with Eddie Murphy and Angela Bassett."

As a serious film reviewer, I would be remiss if I didn't identify a bias toward Jim Carrey. I believe the world to be split into two camps: those who believe him to be a rubbery mock-up of Satan himself, an animated piece of refuse, a mephitic harlequin cast down by God to torture a weary world; and those who think he's "kind of funny."

"The plot of Once Bitten is as follows, and I quote.....
Lauren Hutton, star of Gator, is a vampire who needs the blood of a virgin to keep her young. Jim Carrey is a virgin trying to consummate his relationship with his girlfriend, a sane young woman who continually shoots him clean out of the saddle. Carrey, frustrated by his sensible squeeze, begins looking for someone who will touch his gummy being, a dilemma I can only assume echoes Carrey's real life.

"What could be more repulsive than Jim Carrey "cruising for chicks?" Well, that would be Lauren Hutton taking him up on the offer. She drains his blood by piercing his inner thigh with her canines (If that doesn't make you physically ill, you're no son of mine).

"Carrey begins behaving like a vampire, which worries his parents, who never think to ask him why he's 30 years old and still in high school. The rest of the movie is a struggle between Carrey's virginal girlfriend and the lycanthropic Hutton to win control of Carrey's body and soul. Fighting their own apathy, they do indeed struggle, and eventually Carrey lies with his Lady Love in a coffin, thwarting Hutton's evil plan. It's a touching bit of necrophilia that will have you snapping off the TV with tears in your eyes, gently holding your loved ones and weeping softly into the cruel night...

Cleavon Little (the sheriff in Blazing Saddles) plays Sebastian.

"Once Bitten" availability on video and on DVD from Amazon.com

Books by Michael Nelson available from Amazon.com include Movie Megacheese (now out of print but they've got some used ones for sale). Mike's episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 are available from Amazon.com on video and on DVD, and he co-wrote the book

Megacheesy movies air from time to time on the SciFi Channel and USA Network

Mike's vampires review continues with Vampire In Brooklyn (Eddie Murphy)

Back to MST 3000 page at Sci-fans.com

2000 Michael J. Nelson. All rights reserved, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles & reviews. Mike Nelson has never once been bitten.