Monstervision's Joe Bob Briggs Looks At

Godzilla (1985)

(From Joe Bob's Ultimate B Movie Guide)

Zilla's been recuperating in the ocean ever since 1974, when he splashed out to make "Godzilla vs. the Bionic Monster," and he's finally running out of nuclear Kool-Aid, so he rises up and breathes on a ship and turns four Japanese guys into Gumby skeletons and forces the radio man to wrestle a giant rubber crab. Prime Minister Toenail keeps everything hush-hush so there will be no panic in the Tokyo streets, but when Godzilla eats a Russian nuclear submarine and starts shooting his recharged breath at people, World War III looms with the Russkies trying to nuke Tokyo. Then the U.S. sends up a nuke missile to nuke the Russian nuke, and Godzilla uses the occasion to consume an entire nuclear reactor, so now he's like a junkie with 400 bucks in his pocket. He grins, his eyes start to roll around like Milton Berle, and pretty soon it's the old Tokyo Stomp. Enter Raymond Burr! Yes, he's back, standing around staring at the camera like usual, going, "Godzilla--he's looking for something--he's confused--he's searching." They end up putting Godzilla's brain on the computer and figuring out he likes bird whistles, so they set up a satellite earth station that beams mockingbird sounds to lure him into a volcano. But just in case that doesn't work, they have a Super-X nuclear jet missile-launcher ready to blow his brains out. Meanwhile, Godzilla is disrupting rush hour, breathing on traffic copters, puking up cruise missiles, and getting drunk all over again when the two missiles explode over Tokyo, turning the sky into a Leroy Neiman painting.
Two breasts (both Godzilla's).
Two beasts (including Raymond Burr).
Two quarts blood.
Forty-eight dead bodies.
One motor vehicle crash.
Kung Fu.
Lizard Fu.
Gratuitous power-drill mutilation.
Four nuclear explosions.
Helicopter- eating.
Raymond Burr has the best line: "You know, Nature has a way of reminding Man just how puny we are, whether it tells us in the form of a tornado, an earthquake, or a Godzilla."


© 2000 Joe Bob Briggs. All Rights Reserved. Not an AOL Time-Warner Company in this lifetime.
"Godzilla" is available on video and on DVD

Godzilla movies page (1955-2000)

Monstervision proudly presents Godzilla 1956 followed by “Godzilla Vs. Mothra”

For this and other movie reviews by the artist formerly known as the host of MonsterVision, go to Joe Bob

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