Monstervision Host Segments for

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

Homework. Cheerleading practice. Killing vampires. No one said high school would be easy

"A high school cheerleader discovers she is descended from a courageous vampire hunter of the Dark Ages, which probably explains her expertise at battling bloodsuckers." Like, duh. Kristy Swanson plays the somersaulting Valley Girl who takes on the evil Uno (Rutger Hauer) and his nocturnal followers in this week's MonsterVision feature, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Donald Sutherland, Luke Perry, Candy Clark and Paul "Pee-Wee Herman" Reubens round out the quirky cast of this cult favorite, which was written by Joss Whedon. Yes, the same screenwriter who worked on such box-office hits as Speed and Toy Story. And here's his current claim to fame -- he is the creator of the highly rated television series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which has easily surpassed its namesake feature in terms of popularity. By the way, has anyone noticed the striking similarity between Buffy and a popular Japanese anime which preceded it, Vampire Hunter Yokho?
Buffy was directed by Fran Rubel Kuzui (Tokyo Pop), an executive producer on the series, and was not without its share of controversy. Avoiding the opportunity to use a predictable menacing vampire image in their campaign, 20th Century Fox decided to go with the provocative image of a woman's legs and the tag line, "She knows a sucker when she sees one." When Columbia Pictures started using an almost identical image on the posters used to promote their film A League of Their Own, some on the Fox lot believed that the Columbia crew was guilty of borrowing a little too heavily from Fox's poster. Whatever the case, the whole thing blew over when Fox's head of marketing decided that if Columbia did lift the idea, it was a major compliment.

Of course, every generation needs its own brand of horror movie and it's not surprising that the over 40 crowd would be put off by a title as cheeky as Buffy The Vampire Slayer. A prime example is Donald Sutherland, who plays Merrick, Buffy's wizened mentor and tutor in the art of vampire extermination. Not to be confused with the wizened mentor and tutor he plays in "J.F.K." or Backdraft
Sutherland told the Los Angeles Times in 1992 that he was initially so embarrassed about is role in Buffy that he couldn't even bring himself to say the title out loud. Instead, he resorted to writing it down on a piece of paper one evening in a restaurant, when a couple of his show biz cronies asked him what he was currently working on. As they read the title, Sutherland's fears were confirmed, and they fell on the floor, convulsed with laughter.
Paul Reubens appears here in the first role after his high-profile bust for indecent exposure in 1991. Reubens' character, Amilyn (lead vampire Rutger Hauer's right hand man), provided him with the opportunity to make a significant break with his Pee-Wee Herman character, which was still prime material for late-night hosts and stand-up comedians at the time.
Also appearing (although uncredited) are Ricki Lake, as a waitress named Charlotte, and Ben Affleck, as a high school basketball player. See if you can spot him - he's wearing jersey #10. David Arquette is also on hand, appearing as Luke Perry's pal Benny, a guy almost as obnoxious and abrasive as the spastic jerk that Arquette plays in those ubiquitous AT&T commercials. And scandal fans will appreciate the fact that Liz Smith, long time gossip columnist for the New York Post, appears in a role as a news reporter named - guess what? - Liz Smith (it was easier to remember her character's name that way)

newer (color) episodes on the SYFY's Chiller TV Channeltimes shown are date shown starting @ 6am ET/3am Pacific Time:
Monday Apr 1 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Band Candy 
Monday Apr 1 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Band Candy 
Tuesday Apr 2 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Revelations 
Tuesday Apr 2 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Revelations 
Wednesday Apr 3 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Lovers Walk 
Wednesday Apr 3 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Lovers Walk 
Thursday Apr 4 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Wish 
Thursday Apr 4 09:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer New Moon Rising 
Thursday Apr 4 10:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Yoko Factor 
Thursday Apr 4 11:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Primeval 
Thursday Apr 4 12:00 P ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Restless 
Thursday Apr 4 01:00 P ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Buffy Vs. Dracula 
Thursday Apr 4 02:00 P ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Real Me 
Thursday Apr 4 03:00 P ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Replacement 
Thursday Apr 4 04:00 P ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Out Of My Mind 
Thursday Apr 4 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Wish 
Friday Apr 5 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Amends 
Friday Apr 5 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Amends 
Sunday Apr 7 12:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Teacher's Pet 
Sunday Apr 7 01:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Never Kill A Boy On The First Date 
Sunday Apr 7 03:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Pack 
Sunday Apr 7 03:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Teacher's Pet 
Sunday Apr 7 04:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Never Kill A Boy On The First Date 
Sunday Apr 7 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Pack 
Monday Apr 8 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Gingerbread 
Monday Apr 8 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Gingerbread 
Tuesday Apr 9 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Helpless 
Tuesday Apr 9 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Helpless 
Wednesday Apr 10 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Zeppo 
Wednesday Apr 10 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Zeppo 
Thursday Apr 11 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Bad Girls 
Thursday Apr 11 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Bad Girls 
Friday Apr 12 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Consequences 
Sunday Apr 14 12:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Angel 
Sunday Apr 14 01:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer I Robot...you Jane 
Sunday Apr 14 03:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Puppet Show 
Sunday Apr 14 03:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Angel 
Sunday Apr 14 04:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer I Robot...you Jane 
Sunday Apr 14 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Puppet Show 
Monday Apr 15 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Doppelgangland 
Monday Apr 15 09:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer No Place Like Home 
Monday Apr 15 10:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Family 
Monday Apr 15 11:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Fool For Love 
Monday Apr 15 12:00 P ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Shadow 
Monday Apr 15 01:00 P ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Listening To Fear 
Monday Apr 15 02:00 P ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Into The Woods 
Monday Apr 15 03:00 P ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Triangle 
Monday Apr 15 04:00 P ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Checkpoint 
Monday Apr 15 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Doppelgangland 
Tuesday Apr 16 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Enemies 
Tuesday Apr 16 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Enemies 
Wednesday Apr 17 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Earshot 
Wednesday Apr 17 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Earshot 
Thursday Apr 18 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Choices 
Thursday Apr 18 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Choices 
Friday Apr 19 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Prom 
Friday Apr 19 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Prom 
Sunday Apr 21 12:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Nightmares 
Sunday Apr 21 01:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Out Of Mind, Out Of Sight 
Sunday Apr 21 03:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Prophecy Girl 
Sunday Apr 21 03:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Nightmares 
Sunday Apr 21 04:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Out Of Mind, Out Of Sight 
Sunday Apr 21 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Prophecy Girl 
Monday Apr 22 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Graduation Day - Part 1 
Monday Apr 22 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Graduation Day - Part 1 
Tuesday Apr 23 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Graduation Day - Part 2 
Tuesday Apr 23 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Graduation Day - Part 2 
Wednesday Apr 24 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Freshman 
Thursday Apr 25 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Living Conditions 
Thursday Apr 25 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Freshman 
Friday Apr 26 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Harsh Light Of Day 
Friday Apr 26 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Freshman 
Sunday Apr 28 12:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer When She Was Bad 
Sunday Apr 28 01:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Some Assembly Required 
Sunday Apr 28 03:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer School Hard 
Sunday Apr 28 03:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer When She Was Bad 
Sunday Apr 28 04:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Some Assembly Required 
Sunday Apr 28 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer School Hard 
Monday Apr 29 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Fear, Itself 
Monday Apr 29 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Harsh Light Of Day 
Tuesday Apr 30 08:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Beer Bad 
Tuesday Apr 30 05:00 A ET Buffy The Vampire Slayer Fear, Itself 

Buffy Host Segments

Whoda guessed, when last week's MonsterVision feature, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, was released 'lo those many years ago, that it would one day spawn a small-screen feeding frenzy? Joe Bob explores the wisdom of the film and the definition of "nubile" below.

"BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER INTRO"



Tonight, the ORIGINAL "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," the one with Kristy Swanson as the airhead cheerleader turned heart-staking werewolf-killer, before Sarah Michelle Gellar took over and spawned one of THE biggest hit TV shows among teenage girls of all ages. "You go, girl. Impale you some man meat." Kind of interesting imagery, don't you think?
But men and women always see these things differently, don't they?
You know the difference between men and women? Women are Now. Men are Later. Women wanna talk about it NOW. Men wanna talk about it LATER. Women wanna got out to eat Tonight. Men wanna go out to eat Tomorrow. Women wanna go to the beach when they Feel Like It. Men wanna go to the beach when they Plan a Trip. Women say, "Let's just jump in the car."
Men say, "Let's call triple-A and get a set of maps."
Women say, "We never spend any money."
Men say, "We never save any money."
Women say, "I decided to quit my job today."
Men say, "I decided I'll quit my job whenever I get a new job."
Women buy stuff they need when they need it. Men buy stuff they need when they're convinced they can't wait any longer. Women buy stuff they DON'T need at the same time they buy stuff they need. Men get credit card loans to buy stuff they don't need, so the sensation of not needing it but having it will last at least three years.
Women cry immediately.
Men put off crying until it's the only available alternative. Women go to the doctor when they feel like there might be something wrong. Men go to the doctor when there's been something wrong for five years. Women throw out clothes that are out of date. Men save clothes they haven't worn since 1943 because they think they might wear them again "someday." Women ask their men to tell them what already happened at the office. Men ask their women to tell them what's coming up for dinner. In other words: Women are Now. Men are Later. Thanks for letting me explain this.
Let's watch "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," the film that started the television phenomenon. As usual, we're only four minutes into the show and already I'm OFF THE SUBJECT. So I'll just give you those drive-in totals and then we'll catch up at the first commercial break. We have:












Twelve dead bodies.
One dead fly.
Multiple heart-staking.
Neck-biting.
Fingernail-chewing.
Weenie-slicing.
Eight zombies.
Nose-punching.
Arm-ripping.
Cat-snacking.
One vampire brawl.
Flaming face.
Flagpole through the gizzards.
Two motor vehicle chases, with crash.
Gratuitous cheerleader practice, with Funky Chicken.
Kung Fu.
Bimbo Fu. Electrocution Fu.
Three stars. Check it out.

[fading] Men dig dirty socks out of the hamper and wear em for two more days. That's cause women do the laundry Now. Men do the laundry when they're out of beer, they're down to using paper towels for toilet paper, and they can't put off going to the store any longer, so they might as well buy laundry detergent while they're there.
Actually, the day AFTER that, they do the laundry.
"BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER" Commercial Break #1
There you have it, the whole premise for "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," with Donald Sutherland showing up to show the airhead bimbo her true destiny. It's one of those movies that you kinda get the whole idea in the first... well, in the TITLE. This movie was written by Joss Whedon, who was 27 years old at the time it was made, and the man was just BORN with sitcom genes. He wrote for "Roseanne" for the two years before this movie, but his father was one of the writers on "The Golden Girls," and his GRANDFATHER wrote for "The Dick Van Dyke Show" and "The Donna Reed Show." Three generations of sitcom writers, in one house. Can you imagine when the family gets together at Thanksgiving? "I had such a rough week. They ruined the rubber-chicken gag. The chicken they used was just not funny." "You think that's bad. Lemme tell you about the time Morey Amsterdam blew the punch line on the seltzer joke." "The seltzer joke! That was funny!" "That was NOT funny. You're thinking of the spit-take. The spit-take was funny." It has a little bit of a sitcomy feel about it, doesn't it? They didn't even TRY to make it the slightest bit scary. But let's see how it PRO-gresses as we continue with the set-up for... "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," after the ads.
[fading] Buffy had a little bit of a transformation when she moved to the suburbs of Sunnydale for the TV show, didn't she? The WB didn't want her to be a bimbo. Or Sarah Michelle Gellar didn't want her to be a bimbo. Actually, that was before Sarah Michelle was a powerful teen superstar, so it musta been the WB. It wasn't me, I'll tell you that. I have a very high bimbo tolerance.

"BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER" Commercial Break #2
"Buffy the Vampire Slayer," the film that spawned not one but TWO TV shows. "Buffy," of course, and the new spin-off, "Angel," starring Buffy's vampire ex-boyfriend, David Boreanz. Anyway, the guy who plays Benny here -- he's the vampire who floats outside the window saying "I feel pretty" -- that's David Arquette -- used to be known as the brother of Rosanna Arquette and Patricia Arquette, till he did the Scream movies. Now, of course, he's known as the husband of Courtney Cox. And the girl who gets kidnapped and taken to head vampire Rutger Hauer, Cassandra -- that's Natasha Gregson Wagner, daughter of Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner. And the girl who plays Nicole, one of the senior dance planners, is Paris Vaughan, daughter of Sarah Vaughan. And later on we'll see two MORE daughters of celebrities -- female vampires played by Amanda Anka, daughter of Paul Anka, and Sarah Lee Jones, daughter of Davy Jones. You guys remember Davy Jones? "Hey hey, we're the . . ." That's right. Makes you think they put up a casting notice at the Screen Actors Guild. "Bring your nubile daughters down to the high school this weekend. We're making a movie." Anyway, time for the "Rocky"-style training montage, as "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" continues, after the commercials.
[fading] Nothing wrong with nubile. When you make a high school movie, you need nubile. What is nubile? What is the difference between nubile and perky? They always go together. If she's nubile, she must also be perky. I'm gonna look this up in the Oxford English Dictionary so we can be more informative in the future.

"BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER" Commercial Break #3
Aaaaaaah. A bonding moment between Donald Sutherland and Kristy Swanson. This was the movie that was supposed to make Kristy Swanson a super-famous star. Actually it was the SECOND movie that was supposed to make her a super-famous star. She started acting when she was a kid growing up in Mission Viejo, California, and her parents were so supportive that they decided to take her out of school and teach her at home so she would have time to concentrate on her career. So she graduated high school at the age of 15, and she immediately got all these TV commercials, and then she had a small part in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," and then she got cast in the lead in a big Wes Craven horror movie, and that was supposed to be her big break. Unfortunately, the movie was "Deadly Friend," which we always enjoy here at "MonsterVision" but was not a big success for Wes. And then she was on "Knots Landing" and did a bunch of TV movies and "Mannequin Two" and remember that Aaron Spelling TV series "Nightingales," about sexy nurses -- she was in that. And then in 1992 they cast her in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," and it did not make money, even though it eventually spun off into one of the breakout hit series of the nineties -- how bad do you think Kristy Swanson wishes she'd gotten THAT job? -- and it's still doing better than ever with the adolescent girls.
[fading] By the way, I looked up "nubile" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Three definitions: one, marriageable. Two, suitable for marriage. Three, sexually attractive. "Marriageable"? That's NOT what I thought it was. I'm disappointed. I thought it was something really WICKED. That's why I don't think you should look up words. It takes the dirty-mind factor out of it.

"BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER" Commercial Break #4
Look at the talent lineup they got for this B movie. Donald Sutherland, Oscar nominee for "MASH," he's probably made a hundred movies, including "Klute," "Ordinary People," "Eye of the Needle." Although his origins ARE in horror films. His very first movie was an Italian horror flick called "Castle of the Living Dead." So they got Donald. They got Rutger Hauer as the master vampire. They got Luke Perry, as Pike the love interest, who was a megastar at the time from "Beverly Hills 90210." And, of course, they got Pee Wee Herman as Amilyn, the flunky vampire who gets his arm hacked off. In fact, gimme that yearbook thingy over there. I want you to see this. [someone tosses the yearbook from off-stage] Twentieth Century Fox made up this little fake yearbook to promote the movie. And you can see here, they've written funny little inscriptions inside, and then when you turn the pages, it's a press kit made up to look like a yearbook. So here you have a page for Buffy, and it lists her nickname, her hobbies, her memberships, her likes and dislikes, a quote from her. And then BELOW that is the real biography of Kristy Swanson. Next page, same thing for Luke Perry. Then Donald Sutherland. And then we get to Amilyn -- and here's all the jokey stuff up at the top. And the rest of the page is BLANK. It doesn't even say Paul Reubens or Pee Wee Herman or anything. And the reason is that Pee Wee had just been picked up in the movie theater in Florida, you know, whippin out his whangdoodle, so they weren't really making a BIG DEAL at the time about him being in the movie. Even though I think he does an excellent job. VERY inventive. I wish "Mystery Men" had done better -- he needs a comeback.
[fading] Anthony Stewart Head is sort of the Donald Sutherland of the TV show. It's hard for me to watch the show without thinking of those Taster's Choice commercials he did, remember those? "Buffy, CONCENTRATE when you're doing your astral projection. Coffee?" Very disconcerting.

"BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER" Commercial Break #5
Aaaaah, Donald Sutherland is really dead, isn't he? He dies so that the bimbo might live. Meanwhile, we're introduced to Mark DeCarlo as the goofy basketball coach who says "Assert your personhood! Actualize!" I bet nobody remembers Mark DeCarlo's claim to fame. . . . Host of "Studs"! Remember "Studs," the sleaziest dating show ever? Mark was the oily host. He obviously didn't make it to the WB either. And speaking of women who would feel right at home on "Studs," [enters] it's time to break out the TNT Mail Girl, the gorgeous Rusty, and do a little "Joe Bob's Advice to the Hopeless." So what's goin on in your life, honey?
RUSTY: Oh, you know, mail delivery, conferences, conventions . . .
J.B.: Mail conventions?
RUSTY: Sure. I just got back from one, in fact. In Hawaii.
J.B.: Oh, I'm sure you got a lot of work done there.
RUSTY: We did. We went to meetings and seminars--
J.B.: Seminars on what?
RUSTY: How to pack your mail bag--
J.B.: --and make it double as a beach bag.
RUSTY: That's not true. We had zip code contests . . .
J.B.: Ooh, how fun.
RUSTY: And we had hydro-therapy for tired feet.
J.B.: Was that the hotel jacuzzi, or were you and the mailmen giving each other foot massages?
RUSTY: Here. An e-mail from Mark Bagley of Maple Valley, Washington. It was a professional mail carrier convention. There were no foot massages.
J.B.: "Dear Joe Bob, "You Sonofa____! I used to enjoy romantic Saturday nights with my wife, until you and MonsterVision came along. Now I can't get her attention, let alone get her out of the house on Saturday evenings. It's not that there's a whole heck of a lot to do in Maple Valley on Saturday nights. But, I'm getting kinda lonely. What does she see in you? "Mark Bagley, Maple Valley, Washington."
I am NOT responsible for the nocturnal habits of your wife, especially when you have forgotten the first rule of manhood: the remote belongs to Big Daddy. You're giving away your power, bud. Buck up! And give your wife my address: 1010 Techwood Drive, Atlanta, Georgia, 30318, or she can e-mail me at joebob@turner.com. Or tell her she can go through the website: tnt.turner.com/joebob (note: Monstervision was cancelled 8/00, so none of these TNT addresses will work anymore)
RUSTY: Okay, okay.
J.B.: So, before you go, Rusty, tell me. Did you squeeze in any, uh, extra-curricular activity at the convention hotel, if you know what I mean?
RUSTY: I can't believe you. No! [exiting] That happened on the golf course.
J.B.: What? Did she mean what I think she meant? Did Rusty just make an OUTSTANDING unspoken pun? Think about it. Good job, Rusty.

"BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER" Commercial Break #6
In the great tradition of high school movies everywhere, the big finale MUST be at the senior prom. I think "Carrie" started this, and every high school movie since then has had an apocalyptic prom scene. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is no exception, so let's watch Kristy Swanson and Luke Perry kick vampire hiney in the oddly SERIOUS conclusion. Frankly, I liked her better when she was bimbotic. Did Sarah Michelle Gellar repeat her senior year? Did Buffy graduate from high school twice? Cause her graduation from Sunnydale was pretty memorable -- students against beasts, machine guns, bows & arrows. Great episode. Okay, senior dance theme: "Hug the World." Am I the only one who remembers that in reality, the prom is never at the end of the school year? It's always, like, in March or something. I'll shut up. Roll the commercials, and then back to the flick.
[fading] My favorite line in the movie is "What about the ozone layer?" And Buffy says, "Yeah, we've gotta get rid of that." Actually, a whole lotta great one-liners in this movie. "Her yabos scoff at gravity." "Does the word 'duh' mean anything to you?" "All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater and die." "Get out of my facial!" "Why do we have to invite Nadia, she's such a blemish." "Okay, team, repeat after me: I am a person. I have a right to the ball."

"BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER" Outro
And so Rutger Hauer gets a California flag through the heart and goes the way of all evil vampires, in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." You know what's really obnoxious? That Liz Smith thing at the end, where she's reporting on the movie. Is that one of those things they run during the credits to clear the theater? Very annoying. And the BEST thing in the flick is Pee Wee Herman's dying scene, which they also show AGAIN during the credits. Okay movie. Could have been better if they hadn't tried to turn all serious at the end. I wish Willow coulda been in the movie. Willow from the show, played by Alyson Hanigan. She was also in my favorite comedy of last summer, "American Pie." This one time, at band camp . . . " That was Alyson. But we didn't get Alyson. Oh, well, next week on "MonsterVision," "Skeeter," the sensitive tale of giant mosquitoes that live in an underground mine and dive-bomb cattle and tourists . . . well, just show up.
And that's it for me, Joe Bob Briggs, reminding you not to be sexist -- broads hate that.

You guys hear the one about the blonde who calls her husband at work and says, "Can you help me when you get home?" Husband says, "Sure. What's the problem?" Blonde says, "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." Husband says, "Look on the box. There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." Blonde says, "It's a big rooster." Husband says, "Honey, put the corn flakes back in the box."
Joe Bob Briggs, reminding you that the drive-in will never die.
[fading] A blonde and a brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets on who's perfect: Italian suit, handsome, great build with a nice butt, but unfortunately he has a bad case of dandruff. The man gets off at the fifth floor. When the doors close, the brunette says to the blonde, "Someone should give him Head & Shoulders." Blonde says, "How do you give Shoulders?"

Note: TV Guide reports 5-12-01 that "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" was cancelled by WB network, but was picked up by UPN (the network that aired the new Star Trek tv series) starting 9/01. No word yet on whether either WB or UPN will renew spinoff series "Angel". The final new episode of "Buffy" was 5/03. WB has since changed its name to CW and UPN has become MyNetworkTV. Neither network is running Buffy episodes.

Any episodes currently showing on the SYFY Channel

Previous Buffy broadcasts other than episodes

5/20/02 @ 9:40pm/12:30am EST "Backstory: Buffy the Vampire Slayer" on (AMC) American Movie Classics, about how your favorite vampire slayer was created

Link to this page from your website or blog: http://www.angelfire.com/mn/nn/Buffy.html

Buffy's creator-producer, Joss Whedon, has written the 8-part story Fray for Dark Horse Comics (first issue was 6-6-02) following a Slayer 100 years in the future. Melaka Fray is a professional thief who "has no idea she's the slayer." She inhabits the vast slums of a post-apocalyptic Manhattan. "I've always wanted to write comic books," says Whedon. "I'm hoping some Buffy fans will come to Fray who've never really explored comics before."

Click here to hear Buffy themesong (Midi version)

Buffy Trivia, courtesy the InternetMovieDataBase.com

* Ben Affleck appears in one scene as a basketball player

* Seth Green, the only person in the movie to be in the spin-off show, was cut from the movie, but still appears on the video cover

* Buffy's last name is never mentioned in the movie. Not until the release of the series was she referred to as Buffy Summers

* In the original version of the script, Merrick committed suicide to escape being turned into a vampire by Lothos, who wanted to know the Slayer's identity so he could dispatch with her

* The original script by Joss Whedon was heavily re-written to make the film "lighter". In the original script, Buffy burns down the school gym that the dance is being held in, in an effort to destroy the vampires. In the television series (1997) this fact is referred to several times, as the series is seen as a spin-off of the original, unproduced screenplay rather than this film
* Alyssa Milano of MonsterVision movie Embrace Of The Vampire (1994) was originally set to play Buffy

* Donald Sutherland plays Merrick, Buffy's wizened mentor and tutor. In his current TV series (2005), Donald Sutherland plays the Commander In Chief's wizened mentor and tutor, the Speaker of the House

* During the closing credits: TV interviews with people who were at the dance attacked by vampires; and then Amilyn (Paul Reubens) revives to go through some more death throes

* The movie was filmed entirely at Marshall High School, 400 Tracy Street, Los Angeles

* The original theatrical release received a "12" rating in the UK without any cuts however, the video release was rated "15" with 11 seconds cut. The scene in which Lothos ignites Buffy's cross was removed and instead of immolating his head, she merely flees. At the time, the "12" rating did not cover video releases, only theatrical so it was rated "15" and the scenes in question may be imitated by younger viewers. In 2002, all previous cuts were waived and the video release was rated "15"

* Muffy the Vampire Layer (an adult film about vampires in a haunted house having their way with visitors) came out the same year

Movie quotes:

* Grueller: Now, I'm a God!
stakes him
Pike: And now, you're a coat rack.

* Buffy: My secret weapon is PMS

* Merrick: None of the other girls ever gave me this much trouble.
Buffy: And where are they now? Hello!

* Pike: You should think about leaving too, man. Sell this place. There's something going on around here. I don't know, something really weird.
Zeph: Hey, what do you want me to do if I see Benny?
Pike: Run

The TV Series:

* Series star Sarah Michelle Gellar initially auditioned for the role of Cordelia Chase, and Charisma Carpenter, who plays Cordelia, auditioned for the role of Buffy.
Nathan Fillion (Caleb) originally auditioned for the role of Angel when the show was first being cast in late 1996.
Julie Benz tried out for the part of Buffy and ended up in the part of Darla.
Elizabeth Anne Allen, who had a semi-recurring role as the witch Amy Madison, originally auditioned for the role of Buffy.
Other actresses considered for the lead role as Buffy also included Katie Holmes and Selma Blair.
Bianca Lawson, who played Kendra the Vampire Slayer in season 2, originally auditioned for the role of Cordelia
Danny Strong (Jonathan) originally auditioned for the role of Xander.

* The characters of Spike, Oz, Faith, Wesley and Drusilla were all supposed to be killed off, but have ended up living long past their initial storylines. Also, the characters of Jenny and Joyce were supposed to be killed off sooner than they were

* Joss Whedon is known to plan his season storylines years in advance. Clues to Dawn's arrival can be found as early as the third season, but she doesn't actually show up until the fifth

* The Gorches in episode 2-12 "Bad Eggs" have the same first names, Lyle and Tector, as the Gorches from Sam Peckinpah's The Wild Bunch. Giles refers to them slaughtering a Mexican village in 1886, similar to the event that ends the movie, but the movie is set in 1913

* In the season premiere for Season Six entitled "Bargaining - Part 1" when Giles is at the airport ready to catch his plane for England, Tara gives him (as a goodbye gift) a little plastic finger monster which she puts on her finger and says "Grrr... argh". This is the same monster and sound that is made at the end of each episode, just prior to the credits, by the production company mascot "Mutant Enemy"

* Seth Green played Oz, the werewolf boyfriend of Alyson Hannigan. He also played her boyfriend in My Stepmother Is an Alien

* Seth Green is the only cast member to have acted in both the TV series and the 1992 movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (Green was cut from the feature film, but still appeared on the videotape box)

* In the musical episode "Once More with Feeling", Buffy comments, "So... Dawn's in trouble... must be Tuesday." This, of course, refers to the timeslot in which UPN broadcasts the show

* Buffy's birthday was celebrated in the episode first aired on or near 19 January each year. In the first-year episode "I Robot, You Jane", Malcolm brings up Buffy's school records on his computer. In the first view, we see that Buffy was born on 24 October 1980, and that she is a sophomore. The second time we see Buffy's records, her birthday is 6 May 1979, and she is a senior. (She is also shown with two different GPAs, one of them excellent.) Joss Whedon finally decreed Buffy's birthday to be 19 January 1981. Whedon supplies the voice of the Mutant Enemy mascot which says "Grrr ... Arrgh" heard at the end of almost every episode

* Series Creator Joss Whedon has said that the idea for Buffy came from all the horror movies he had seen featuring a helpless young blonde who would almost always be the first to die. He felt she needed a better image

* Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alyson Hannigan are the only cast members who have appeared in every episode of the series

* Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy), Nicholas Brendon (Xander), Alyson Hannigan (Willow), Anthony Head (Giles), and Kristine Sutherland (Joyce) are the only actors to have appeared in all seven seasons

* While speaking at the Wizard World Chicago Convention in August, 2004, Joss Whedon revealed that he had planned to bring the character of Tara back from the dead at the end of Season 7. The episode would have centered around Buffy being granted one "life-altering" wish. Buffy would have struggled the whole episode trying to decide what she wanted to do with the wish (including, possibly, restoring Angel's humanity). The episode would have ended with Buffy telling Willow that she'd just gotten a great new pair of shoes, and when Willow asked her if she used up her wish on new shoes, Buffy would have said, "No, silly!" and stepped aside to reveal Tara. This plan was abandoned when Amber Benson, who played Tara, was unavailable for filming

* In episode 2.8, "The Dark Age," there is a photo of a young Rupert Giles holding a bass guitar. The production crew faked the photo by superimposing his head onto a photo of Sid Vicious

* The character Jenny Calendar was originally to have been called Nicki. This was changed to Jenny to avoid confusion on the set, Nicholas Brendon being generally called Nicky by his co-stars. (However, in season 7, the character Nikki Wood was added and appears in several episodes)

* In the episode "Once More With Feeling" two of the show's writers, David Fury and Marti Noxon, have small singing parts. David Fury can be seen singing "They Got the Mustard Out" outside the magic shop when Buffy checks to see if other people are singing. Marti Noxon sings about a parking ticket ("I think that hydrant wasn't there") while Giles, Xander, and Anya are walking on the street after Xander and Anya's duet

* "Mutant Enemy", Joss Whedon's production company, was the name he gave to his first typewriter when he was 15. The logo was created in 20 minutes when he was told he had to have one

* The episode "Earshot" in season 3 was about a student planning to kill himself on the school campus. It was scheduled to air a week after the Columbine shooting and was delayed until the next season. Due to the weapon he would have used, an assault rifle, and being in a clock tower, many people are under the misimpression that he was planning mass murder. This was also contributed to by the fact that Buffy WAS telepathically hearing thoughts of somebody planning to kill all the students, but it wasn't Jonathon. Many of Andrew Wells's ('Thomas Lenk') lines include references to the online fan community (the male slayer discussion, his inability to understand Dawn and Buffy's link)

* The season three finale (Graduation Day Part II) was delayed for three months after a rash of school violence. The episode (which included a scene in which the graduating class defended themselves with medieval weapons) was pulled reportedly because producers feared that if an incident occurred during a graduation ceremony, a clip would run in "violence in media" clips. The death of recurring character Larry in this episode, hotly denied by fans, was not confirmed until season six

* The Summers' Sunnydale address is 1630 Revello Drive

* The pilot episode, "Welcome to the Hellmouth/The Harvest," ends with Buffy, Willow, and Xander joking about the possible ways Buffy could get kicked out of school, and Giles sighing, "The Earth is doomed." The last episode, "The Chosen," contains a scene near the end where the three kids plan a trip to the mall and Giles sighs, "The Earth is definitely doomed"

* The names of buildings and places at fictional U.C. Sunnydale are actual locations and buildings at real-life U.C. Santa Cruz

* In the series finale, Giles says that there is a Hellmouth "in Cleveland". This is a reference to another throwaway line, in the/spot Season 3 episode "The Wish": in an alternate reality where Buffy never came to Sunnydale, Giles phones her watcher, and then says, "Yes, I know there is a lot of demonic activity in Cleveland.... There happens to be a Hellmouth in Sunnydale...."

* The entire first season was filmed before the first episode went to air, giving them the opportunity to go back and re-shoot various scenes. The scene in the library where Buffy states "it's my first day..." was actually filmed on the last day of shooting after they decided her original performance was too forceful and aggressive. Another scene added to the pilot (to fill in time as it was shorter than expected) was the infamous "you have something in your eye" scene where The Master blinds a vampire who had failed him

* When we fleetingly see the pages of books, magazines or newspapers on screen, the actual text is often deliberate gibberish. In "Out of Mind, Out of Sight" (episode 1.11), the final scene is of Marcy reading a textbook chapter titled "Assassination and Infiltration" with a subtitle referring to targeting the leader of a cult as an example. However, the actual text begins with the date August 2, 19XX and this is followed by the lyrics of the Beatles song, "Happiness is a Warm Gun" only they are written as prose. In the first season episode entitled "Out Of Mind, Out Of Sight" the text in Marcie's text book are the lyrics to The Beatles song "Happiness Is A Warm Gun" with the line "Happiness is a warm gun" changed to "Joy is a hot revolver"

* The prologue ("In every generation there is a chosen one....") is not used consistently. Two of the first twelve episodes don't use it. During the second season, use of the prologue becomes even more spotty. Anthony Head intones it only during the second season

* There was a pilot directed by Joss Whedon and financed out of his own pocket to sell the show to the networks. The plot is fairly similar to "Welcome to the Hellmouth", though Angel, Jesse and the Master don't appear. Also, it's only half an hour long. The main differences from the show as aired are the sets and casting. While most of the principals are in place, Riff Regan plays Willow and Stephen Tobolowsky plays Principal Flutie. They were replaced by Alyson Hannigan and Ken Lerner, respectively in the actual show. The library that appears is not the set from the show, rather it is the actual library from Torrance High School where much of the Sunnydale High material was filmed.

* In "Conversations With Dead People", Amber Benson was supposed to return as The First Evil impersonating Tara, but she didn't want to come back just as a villain, so Cassie Newton (Azura Skye) from a recent episode was put in her place

* Joss Whedon gave the character Riley the last name "Finn" after hearing executive producer Marti Noxon talking about taking her dog, Finn, to the vet

* Originally, Joss Whedon didn't want either of Buffy's parents to appear as characters on the show. Accepting that that could get complicated, he settled on just having her mother, Joyce, appear. Joyce ended up staying on the show for five seasons

* Originally, the third member of the sixth season's nerdly Trio was to be Tucker, who appeared in the third season as a student who wanted to kill everyone at the prom. Plans fell through with that, so the writers replaced him with Andrew, Tucker's younger brother

* Britney Spears was originally supposed to play April the Robot in the fifth season episode, "I Was Made to Love You", but scheduling conflicts caused her to back out. Rumors of Spears' return to the show ran rampant for the rest of the series' run

* Amber Benson was added to the opening credits of the show for one episode, "Seeing Red," in which she was killed and never seen again. Series creator Joss Whedon has said that he's always wanted to do this, and was planning on doing it in the series premiere with the character Jesse, to show that the show was full of surprises, but at the time he didn't have the money to make another set of credits

* The seventh season episode, "Storyteller", which focused on the character Andrew, was an experiment to see how the audience would respond to a show centered around Andrew, since the series was ending and they were trying to find a character upon whom they could build another spin-off show
* The series finale had two different major-character death scenes written, one in which Anya was killed, and the other in which Andrew was

* Kali Rocha, who showed up in the sixth season as vengeance demon Halfreck, first appeared in a flashback episode in the fifth season as Cecily, the woman who spurned William, causing him to become the vampire known as Spike. Having already cast Rocha as Halfreck, the writers knew the loyal fans would immediately recognize her, so as an inside joke between them, when Halfreck first saw Spike, she said, "William?"

* In the third season finale, Faith appears to Buffy in a dream, and tells her she's "counting down from 7-3-0". Joss Whedon planted that as a clue as to what would happen two years later in the fifth season finale, in which Buffy was killed. 730 days equals two years

* In "The Body" (episode #5.16), in the scene where Xander (Nicholas Brendon) punched his hand through the wall, only a shot of Willow's left eye is shown. This is because actress Alyson Hannigan had experienced an allergic reaction to the dust from the plaster on the wall - a reaction that resulted in her right eye swelling badly. Because of this, she had to go to the hospital the next day to get her eye treated

* Spike, who was introduced in "School Hard" (episode #2.03), was originally intended to last for a few episodes into the Second Season. However, his character was immediately embraced and loved by Buffy fans, which resulted in Joss Whedon's decision to keep him in the series

* When the writers first came up with the character of Robin Wood, they weren't definite on whether it would be a man or a woman, so they picked a name that could apply to either gender
* The character of Dawn was originally intended to have the power to speak to the dead. She was also supposed to be able to move objects with her mind. These powers were later dropped

* In "Lies My Parents Told Me" Spike makes mention of his mother's personal physician - a Dr. Gull. This is Dr. William Gull, Physician-in-extraordinary to the royal family, and who some believe was Jack The Ripper (see From Hell)

* The series is based not on the feature film Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but Joss Whedon's original screenplay, which had been heavily rewritten to be more comedic. The Buffy comic book series adapted the screenplay, bringing the events of the movie in line with the TV show's continuity

* In the 2-hour premier of Season 6, "Bargaining" Parts 1 and 2, we see Willow wearing a shirt with a number on it. We then see Xander come in wearing what looks like a football jersey with a number on it. Later when they gang is saying goodbye to Giles, Dawn is wearing a shirt with 07 on it. The crew got many letters asking what the numbers were supposed to mean, but there was no connection. Executive Producer Marti Noxon said that this was completely unintentional and was just a wardrobe coincidence

* The sequence with the Mutant Enemy mascot, the little monster that goes "Grr Argh" at the end of all episodes, was changed for a total of six episodes: in Becoming Part Two (2x22) it said, 'Oh, I need a hug." - in Amends (3x10) it wore a Santa hat and bells were jingling - in Graduation Day Part Two (3x22) it wore a graduation cap - in Once More With Feeling (6x07) it sang its "Grr Argh" - in Storyteller (7x16) it sang, "We are as gods" - in Chosen (7x22) it looked out at the viewers instead of looking straight-forward

* Ranked #3 in TV Guide's list of the "25 Top Cult Shows Ever!" (30 May 2004 issue)
* In "Grave", there is a hardcover copy of a William Shatner novel in the pile of books on the floor of the Magic Box after Giles shoots Willow through the wall (DVD, chapter 7, 12:49)

* In the episode "Hell's Bells" in Season 6 there is a scene where Buffy is playing Charades with the crowd at Xander and Anya's wedding. She puts her fingers up to her head like horns and you can hear someone in the background guess "Deathwok Clan!". This is a reference to Lorne from Angel: The Series, who is a demon with horns and a member of the Dethwok clan

* In April 2002, TV Guide named Buffy, the Vampire Slayer as one of "The 50 Greatest TV Shows of All Time"
* In the episode Superstar Brad Kane provided the singing voice for Jonathon (played by Danny Strong). Kane had earlier appeared in the episode The Prom as Tucker (the guy who trains the demons to attack the students at the prom) whose brother Andrew went on to become one of the Trio with Jonathon

* At the end of "Lessons", the First appears to Spike in reverse order of the Big Bads from each season. Warren (Season 6), Glory (Season 5), Adam (Season 4), Mayor Wilkins (Season 3), Drusilla (Season 2), The Master (Season 1) and finally Buffy

* The episode "Once More, With Feeling" was voted #1 on TV Guide's viewer's poll for the 50 Top Musical Moments on Television from 1990-2002 in 2002

* Alyson Hannigan hated her singing voice and asked not to have a song, or any major singing lines of her own in the musical episode (Once More, With Feeling)

* In "Nightmares", we see that Willow herself is terrified of singing in public

* Joss Whedon says in his season six commentary that the two vampires, the demon, the street cleaners and Sweet's henchmen are all played by the same people

* In "Once More With Feeling," Willow sings "some kid is dreaming and we're all stuck inside his wacky Broadway nightmare." This is a reference to a Season One episode, "Nightmares", in which Sunnydale residents started to live their nightmares in the real world because a kid in a coma dreamed they did

* The guys who are sweeping streets and dancing are doing a similar dance to the chimney sweeps' dance in Mary Poppins

* Xander and Anya fall down on the sofa laughing at the end of their song. This is an homage to the song "Good Morning" from Singin' in the Rain where Gene Kelly, Debbie Reynolds and Donald O'Connor do the same thing

* During the dream sequence at the beginning of season one, episode four entitled, "Teachers Pet", we see Xander playing a guitar, the significance being that this happens to be a "Warlock" model guitar made by B.C. Rich guitars

* In the seventh season, the song that "The First" uses to trigger Spike to become evil again is well known to millions of Canadians - it was used as the theme song of the long running children's TV show, The Friendly Giant

* In a number of scenes involving the club The Bronze, copies of books from The Destroyer series by Murphy, Warren and Sapir, Richard can be seen on book racks in the background

* In the Sunnydale cemetery, there is a frequently seen mausoleum with the family name Alpert. Alpert is the last name of one of the show's producers, Marc D. Alpert

* The deaths of Joyce Summers (episode 5.16, "The Body") and Cassie Newton (episode 7.4, "Help") are the only ones in the show's huge body-count that were due to natural causes

* In the final season during the Dungeons and Dragons game between Andrew, Giles, and one of the potentials the creature "Trogdor the Burninator" is a reference to a character in an online comic/mini-game which can be found at www.homestarrunner.com Anya was only meant to appear in the episode "The Wish" but was brought back for "Doppelgängland" where she was made more humorous. When the producers realized how funny Emma Caulfield was they simply kept bringing her back, until she was made a regular cast member (including appearing in the opening credits) at the start of season five

* In episode #7.8, "Sleeper", Aimee Mann guest stars as herself. When exiting the stage at the Bronze, during which her performance was interrupted by a vampire falling from the balcony, Aimee can be overheard saying, "Man, I hate playing vampire towns"

* At the very beginning of "First Date" (7.14), when Giles and the Scoobies are walking in the graveyard, there's a gravestone clearly marked "Snyder". Principal Snyder used to be principal of Sunnydale High School until the Season 3 finale "Graduation Day Part 2," when he was eaten by a huge snake

* The Sunnydale High school newspaper has an obituary section. (season three, "Earshot")
* On Bravo's "100 Greatest TV Characters", Buffy came in at number 13

* Before he was turned into a vampire, Spike's name was William. Angel's real name was Liam, which is the Irish version of the English/British William

* After the series ended, Eliza Dushku was offered her own spin-off series as the character Faith, but she turned it down to do Tru Calling

* In episode #2.4, "Inca Mummy Girl", the band name on the drum kit for Oz's band is "Dingoes ate my Baby" and the Australian flag hangs over them, a reference to the Lindy Chamberlain case in Australia

* The Official Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV website was at Fox.com


Buffy series promo

Original 1992 movie trailer

* Gellar said in 2004 that she might consider doing a movie based on the TV series but hasn't seen any scripts yet. WENN.com reported in 2001 that Kristy Swanson feels typecast by the 1992 movie, "The 31-year-old actress starred in the original movie nine years ago. But since then very few quality scripts found their way to her door - and she blames her association with the blood-sucking Buffy film. She says, "You do what you can. But I have done a lot of unmemorable stuff. You have to pay bills. What I do know is that Lady Luck can shine on me again. I know I have the talent." Swanson appeared as Adam Sandler's girlfriend in the comedy Big Daddy and stars in the soon-to-be-released thriller Soul Assassin"

* These is an A&E Biography of Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- interviews with the cast and crew: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Alyson Hannigan, Nicholas Brendon, Emma Caulfield, Anthony Stewart Head, David Boreanaz, Michelle Trachtenberg, Charisma Carpenter, James Marsters, Joss Whedon, Marti Noxon
Hug your pet today (Buffy clip courtesy SMGfan.com)

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MonsterVision movie host segment transcript © 2000 Turner Network Television. A Time Warner Company. All Rights Reserved as seen 5-27-00