More Ole And Lena Jokes

• Ole goes off and gets a Job. One morning Lena wakes up early, and she's frisky. She had been in a fight the night before so she's sore, so she climbs on top of Ole, who thinks this is a good idea. Ole thinks it is such a good idea he does it several times and rushes off to work late. So Ole, he comes back and he is looking worried. "Lena," he says, he says, "Lena, we can't do that no more, they know". And so Lena says, "Ole you big oaf, you told them!" And so Ole says, "no. It is this morning and I am coming to the lumberyard, and the boss, he says to me Ole if you screw up one more time you're fired!"
• Ole went to the doctor for a physical. After Ole was dressed the doctor came in and said "I am sorry Ole, but you are very sick and have only a few weeks to live". Ole went home with a heavy heart to tell Lena the news. After Ole told Lena he sat in his easy chair and Lena went to the kitchen. Soon heavenly aroma came from the kitchen. Lena was making his favorite cookies! "Lena must really love me" he thought. Ole went into the kitchen and started to take a cookie - Lena slaped his hand away and said "the cookies are for the funeral" !!!
• Ole & Lena decide to buy a couple of Walkie Talkies so they can keep in touch better. When they get home, Ole decides he should cut some firewood, and tells Lena he'll take his walkie talkie along in case something should happen. Well, it wasn't long before Lena heard over her walkie talkie the message "Lena come quick. I cut off my finger"... "Oh, Ole. Was it the whole finger?"... "No Lena, don't worry. It was the one next to it."
• Ole and Lena were in a bad car wreck. Since Ole died a day before Lena, he was first at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted him and said, "We have to ask you one question, did you ever cheat on your wife when you were on earth?" "Not even once" said Ole. "Good," said St. Peter. "You can have that Rolls Royce automobile over there to travel around heaven. In the meantime, a swede died and came to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explained that he would have to tell how many times he had cheated on his wife while on earth. "Only four times." So, St. Peter said, "Well, in that case, you had better take that moped over there." The swede took off on the little two wheeler and eventually came accross Ole in his big, luxurious, Rolls Royce car. "Boy," said the swede admiringly. You sure got a swell car. I bet you were surprised." Said Ole, "Yah, I was surprised…but not half as surprised as when I saw Lena on a skate board."
• Why did Ole wear two jackets while painting? Because it said on the paint can, "Put on two coats."
• Little Ole went to church with his papa one Sunday, "Papa, what is that board up on the wall?", asked little Ole. "Dose are the names of people who died in da service," answered Papa. "Which one," asked little Ole, "Da 8:30 or da 9:45?"
• Ole reports that Lena spent two hours in the beauty salon last Tuesday. "And," says Ole, "dat vas just for the estimate."
• The Highway patrolman stopped Ole's car and informed the norwegian that his wife had fallen out three miles back. "Thank goodness," exclaimed Ole. "I thought I'd gone deaf."
• As Ole lay dying, he asked his wife, "Lena vould you get me some of that lutefisk you've got cooking on da stove?" "I'm sorry," said Lena, "I'm saving that for the funeral."
• Ole answered the phone and soon hung up. "who vas that?" asked Lena. "Someone must have thought dis vas da Coast Guard. All they said vas, 'Is da coast clear?"
• They've finally discovered how Jesus and the disciples were able to feed those large crowds with only 2 fish and 5 loaves: the fish was lutefisk! It's no wonder they were able to put so much leftover fish in the baskets.....
• Then there was the Swede who noticed the sign "Wet Pavement" - so he did.
• Two Swedes from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. "The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400" said the first Swede. "Vell," said the other one, "At dat price it's a good ting we didn't catch any more."
• Overheard on at a Swedish barn-raising: OLE: Here's da nails you vanted me to get Sven. SVEN: You idiot! Dese nails all have da points on da wrong end! OLE: Dat's okay Sven, ve can use dem on da other side of dah barn.
• Two Swedes were trying to get a mule into their barn. but it's ears were too long. One Swede suggested raising the barn. The other one thought they should dig a trench. "No, you dummy," exploded the first, "it's dah ears dat are too long, not dah legs!"
• Ole, a Swede, fell in love with a Norwegian girl whose name was Lena. They decided to get married, much to the dismay of Ole's family. They thought he could do better to marry a Swede, but finally consented. A few years following, Ole met an old friend. His friend said, "Ole, what have you been doing all these years?" Ole replied, "Well for one thing, I married a Norwegian girl. She isn't much to look at, but I love her very much." His friend said, "Do you have any children?" Ole replied, "No, but we have purchased a little monkey, and he has become like one of the family. He even sits at the table with us at meal time." His friend said, "That's disgusting." And Ole said, "Not only that, but he sleeps between us at night." His friend replied, "That's the awfulest thing I've ever heard, what about the smell." Ole said, "Well, he's got to get used to it just like I did."
• When Ole and Lena were first married, Lena was not accustomed to handling money matters. One day, Ole came into the kitchen screaming, "Lena, da bank yust returned dis check for fifty dollars!" "Goody," replied Lena, "Vhat should we buy vid it dis time?"

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