The mind
I have always thought that when I look at things I never see them directly but rather how lights reflects off of them. It is because they have light reflecting properties that i'm able to see them. Who is to say those things that don't have those properties do not exist. There is so much mystery to life. Sometimes when I truly acknowledge my existence, I find it hard to believe I'm alive, I'm here in the flesh and bone and wonder how I came to consciences. What where the probabilities of me being born? was it at that precise moment of conception that seal my fate? Can this really mean i'm here only once and never no more for eternity. Could it be luck or not. Can I really say I'm lucky to have lived. to think of it as, it is better to have existed for a slight moment in life then to have never lived at all. I guess in the end I will forever be gone. It is what I do in my living life that will have the most meaning.
People are what makes life meaningful some will want you in their life other wont and it is those people that make you part of theirs that will make the lasting impression on you. I want to get over this belief that people are going to harm me. There not going to hurt me and I should learn to open up to them and allow them into my life.
I know there are people that care for me but I guess I don't want to believe it or just afraid to.
I wish I could trust them and feel open towards them.
I don't wont to go through out my entire life like this. I want to open up but it is so hard. I always think the negative I never think that people could possibly genuinely want to get to know me. I guess my insecurities are limiting my life.
I don't like that feeling and I hate feeling this way.
I feel that I'm not good enough to accomplish my goals in life.
I wish I knew everything about math and physics I think life would be a lot easier for me if i knew that at least .Even though I have failed those subjects I'm stubborn and want to attempt them again because there is one thing I want to learn and it is that, i truly want to understand the essence of it and how they relate to life. There is nothing more frustrating then not accomplishing you goals.
I guess I have lost a shit load of interest in life and as of now I'm not happy.
Things don't come to me that easy.
I want to graduate already, I don't want to fail. I want to change my life.
I need to change my life but I also need family support .
I remember when I was a child I wanted to do so many things in life
Poet, writer, artist , environmentalist, detective, composer, musician, an engineer although I still want to be an engineer and I'm still stubborn on that Idea. It just saddens me because it seems that that dream keeps slipping out of my reach.
If God exist , I need him to give me strength and courage to keep going forward and wisdom to understand what I must do. I need him to guide me to where I need to go and help me for at this moment I am blind.
Dear God,
I believe there is a higher power out there but know no other name to call you by so I call you God.
I need your help for guidance and clarity in my mind, help me put things in order and allow me to step in the right direction give me the ability to over come my challenges and live to fulfill my destiny. I'm am lost at this moment and the light in my heart is but a flickering dimming flame I don't want to give up but I also don't know how . Give me courage to confront my fears, wisdom to distinguish my uncertainties, and strength to keep me pushing forward. Give me a sign to put my life back on track. give me something to strive for lean me your presence. surround me with good people and protect me for evil and negativity that I create in my mind. free me of my insecurities and allow me to accept myself and allow myself to improve my abilities because in this life as much as i want to believe i can do things on my own i really cant and i need your support .
Love Mayra