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Q: hello my name is tonya and i am thinking that my boyfriend of 4 months is mooching off of me. when i met him he told me he was having financial problems i have helped him a lot after the 1st month he told me his job has put him on administrative leave. i continued to help him when needed. now something new has occured. his job has terminated him. anyway he continues to ask me for money. he always wants to go places and do things but i alway end up paying. he say he wants to start his own business. he asked me today to pay his internet bill, cell phone, and cable bill. i ask him i think your using me he say no i am not when i get on my feet you will get everything back. please help me to figure this man out A: Tonya, lets give him the benefit of the doubt, and say he did actually have a job before you met him and that he did in fact go on adminstrative leave and not have lied about the whole thing because he had no job to begin with. I'm sure he does want to start a business and all of those wonderful "dreamy" things its quite possible that it will happen but it doesn't seem to be happening any time soon. What I would suggest is to try to help him get a job. Tell him your not going to support him and you will help him in the job search, because it seems to me that he is taking advantage of your kindness. Since it has been going on for so long. Q: I have been in a relationship for 7 years and we had an argument the end of October and I haven't seen or heard from him since. In the past, every time something went wrong he wouldn't call and I would always give in. This time I refuse to do so but I miss him like crazy. I don't think he is seeing anyone else but how could he just not get in contact with me at all, after all this time. I really am at a loss about this and am having a lot of difficulty in dealing with it but I am very fearful that if I try to contact him the rejection I feel may be worse. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated. I have never dealt with anything like this before. I was married for 24 years and left my husband and still didn't feel this bad. A: Well, you did say that he didn't contact you in the past when things went wrong and he isn't now, so nothing has changed. Apparently, he thinks you will call him and try to fix things or accepts things as they are or doesn't seem to care as much as you do. You will never know unless you ask or call, or you can leave things as they are. There are alot of possiblities we could guess all day but its a decision you need to make. Q: Why do I always think my Guy is gonna leave me?? And he's there but it's a feeling I have toward's everyone I been with.. Think they get sick of me. Then It make's me mean to them. A: It seems like your dealing with abandonment issues from your past. If people in your life have left you or threatened to leave you in the past it could be a reoccuring fear. Which can also bring out anger towards that person. It's something you might need to work out in therapy yourself. Q: Dear Bittergurl, I have been going out with this one guy mostly 6 months but it has been off and on again. He loves me I know he really loves me but I dont think I love him anymore. I know I should break up with him but every time I try to I cant. I dont want him to get hurt I know he would do something bad and I dont want to. Do Bittergurl how can I break up with my boyfriend in a nice way so he doesnt get hurt out of it please help me asap. signing off as babygirl A: There really is "no" nice way to breakup with someone. So here are a few tips to help maybe "ease" the way.. if you would like to remain friends you can tell him that you want to be friends and that its not working out for "whatever reason" you can fill in the blanks, and/or it wasn't meant to be. But, before you do tell him anything make sure it is what you truly want. When you say he might do "something bad" you can't control what someone will or won't do, you can never tell. Predicting is a guessing game. Q: Dear Bitter, I need your help cause my question is about this guy that I used to know for about 10 and half years even though we used to date since the third grade and everybody in my family think that I love the guy even though I dont love him cause he bastered child I think anyway every night when I go to bed I can't sleep cause he's always in my dream I want to hit my head on something by I can't so anyway even though I feel gulity for moving by not telling him really hurt and when everybody karma I get the crips so plz bittergurl help me asap A: It's up to you whether or not you like/love this guy. If your dreaming about him there must be something you feel for him since he is constantly in your mind and you wouldn't feel guilty about moving if you didn't care for him. You need to follow whats in your heart. Q: Me and my girlfriend went out on a date and it turned out to be the date from hell. How can I make it up to her? A: Tell her your sorry for what happened, and ask her if she would want to try going out again, or ask her how you can make it up to her. Q: Does the guy I like, like me? A: This question is pretty impossible for me to answer, why? because I am not a mind-reader and I do not know this guy. Are you friends with him, have you talked to him? Have you asked him out? It's just something you will know for yourself. Q: Dear Bittergurl, I've been with this guy for 5 years. We have broken up twice before because we're in a 'long distance' relationship, and it just got hard on us. We never stopped loving each other, and are now together again, finally in position to no longer be in a 'long distance' relationship and live together. Well, now that we are finally at that point, he tells me that he is going to extremely busy until set point in time, and very distant, and for me to not be upset. I jokingly told him that i need his attention, and he replies by telling me that he feels smothered and needs space. I rarely bother him, and when we do talk, it's b/c i have asked him to call ONLY if he isnt busy and if he wants to. I dont understand how this constitutes to smothering. He has always been the first to say i love you, and does show that he cares MORE than I have, and has even asked me to marry him. I dont understand whats wrong, or if i've even done anything wrong. I've talked to him once after that, about 2 days after, and apologized (although i dont feel i did anything), and he said that it was okay and wanted to know how i was, but of course i was very nonchalant and made it seem like I was too busy to talk to him. I even went as far as to say bye and hang up just as he was about to say something to me. i couldnt help it, I was just that upset. It's been two weeks now, and i havent talked to him. Ive tried calling, but i dont get an answer. I feel like hes being unfair in telling me he loves me and all, and then suddenly turning his back like this. I dont know whats going on and im really hurt. what do you think? Thanks, Brooke. A: You said your no longer in a long distance relationship anymore, so you are together. Why is he going to be extremely busy until set point and time? To me it seems like an excuse or a cover-up, because if you were in a long distance relationship before and are now together if you truly loved eachother you would want to be with that person now as much as you can. You said he even asked you to marry him? Was that in the past, since you said you were with him years ago and broke up.. cause if it was recently, it would seem even more odd. From what you told me you have done and been doing is NOT smothering. He's using that as an excuse, there must be something he isn't telling you. Maybe he's afraid to hurt you so he's putting it off. Just some things to think about. He is being unfair. I don't know the answer, he does. This is my view. When you do talk to him you should bring all this up and maybe you can get him to shed some light on the situation. Q: Hey, I like this guy, hes popualar and I'm far from it. He tells my friends and his friends that he doesnt like me, but I think deep down he does. He always asks how I'm doing. I still love him alot. He broke up with me almost eight months ago. He knows that I still like him, but doesnt say anything. I already have a boyfriend, but he lives three hundred and something miles away so what do you think io should do about him? Back to my ex. He always looks at me, but never talks to me. Do you think should I call him? let me know. -Deanna A: Deanna, there are some things you need to think about.. Why did he break up with you in the first place? If your not happy with your current long- distance relationship you need to deal with that anyway, whether or not you go back with your ex. The only way you will really know is if you talk to him, himself not through his friends or your friends or anyone. Call him, tell him how you feel but be prepared if he isn't interested in you. Q: Who said, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."? Thank you, Karla A: Hi Karla, Heav'n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn'd. (Hell hath no Fury like a Woman scorned.) was written by William Congreve, 1967 - "The Mourning Bride". Q: Hello bittergurl~ I'm writing because I am frustrated. I've been friends with this guy for about a year now. This whole time I thought we were just friends but somehow deep inside I started to like him and he liked me too but never said anything. I finally decided to tell him earlier this year that I liked him and he finally admitted his feelings for me. This whole time we still hang out together, and talk on the phone all the time, we have already kissed we really care about each other but I said I wasn't ready for a relationship or commitment. He then started to say how all of the things we went through were pointless, at the time I didn't want a relationship. That was about a month ago, now I finally told him that i was ready to be with him, and he said he didn't know. I think the reason he doesn't know is because he started talking to some other girl, months ago, but he never sees her, he's always with me. I don't know if he's scared or he's confused. But I am tired of being in this situation, I am tired or talking I want something to get done, how should I tell him without having to pressure him to make a decision because I know that it is his decision to figure out who he wants to be with not mine. A: If you are with him often you should talk to him about it. Maybe explain why you weren't ready to get into a relationship in the past, open up about it. Then he might feel more comfortable about starting a relationship with you now. He might be hesitant because he thought you were ready before and you weren't and doesn't want to be rejected, from what you said it seems to me that is what he felt. You might want to go slowly. If you can't tell him everything in person write him a letter, if he is interested in someone else it might be too late. Q: Hello First question is I kind of had a run in with two separate guys and I was going out with another guy. and now he broke up with me because what a lot of people told him I had said and it wasn't true, and if we dont get back together thats fine but all i want is to be friends again and if we can renew our relationship then its fine. But we started out as best friends and after we broke up we don't talk or even look at each other. I really think thats he's the one and i love him with all my heart. i called him and aplologized crying the whole time and he still doesn't believe me. I know what I did was a bad mistake but i had my reasons and he hasn't even asked me what my side of the story is. well if you can help me than it would be great. A: If he won't listen to you or hear your story his mind seems to be made up. Since you still want to be with him, you might want to write him a letter since the phone call didn't seem to work. Explain your side of the story and tell him you would like to at least be friends, hopefully he will respond. If not, you really don't have a choice. Q: I was with this girl for 3 years and we broke up almost a year ago and im still hooked on her. what can I do to get over it? A: First of all, you need to accept the fact that its over! It's almost a year. You need to move on, occupy your mind and get out more. Maybe you'll meet someone new. Don't cling to the past. Q: My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. I love her with all of my heart and lately she has been kind of distant. I have not done anything that I know of, I mean I come home from work with roses almost everyday and cards just to say I love you. This is common for me I feel like a girl deserves to be treated very well. If she wants something I`m there for her from clothes to a shoulder to cry on. In the past I've heard her girlfriends tell her that they wish they could find a guy like me..."smart,cute,funny, and very respectfull" I just do not have a clue as to what the hell else I can do. I`ve even tried changing my mr.nice guy approach and to no avail. I fall right into the category of being "WHIPPED" I would do anything for and she knows it i`m just so confused, so I came to you I hope you can help. sincerely, wjt A: I think its nice that you buy your girlfriend all of those things, but maybe she wants something more? Have you asked her what was wrong.. have you talked to her? Maybe she just wants to "Talk". There's alot more to a relationship than "things". One of them is communication. Try talking to her open up and have a sit down. That should help. Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE IN A RELTIONSHIP AND YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEMS ALOT AND THE TWO PEOPLE REALLY DO LOVE EACHOTHER? A: Talk about the problems with that person and try to resolve them together. If you love eachother try to work it out. Q: Hi. I'm not the time to rush into things. But my best friend hooked me up with this guy and a couple months later he asked me to move in with him. I did and found out shortly that I'm pregnant. Now after a couple weeks of my pregnancy sinking in he wants me to move out. He's a REALLY REALLY great and says it's just because we argue to much but I dont know what to think? He wants to stay together, but I'm so confused. Please help. ~April A: April, this guy doesn't know what he wants! And if he told you to move out while your pregnant with his baby he's a jerk!!!! Talk to him ask him what he wants if you want to stay with him because it seems he doesn't have a clue. If he wants to stay together he wouldn't ask you to move out. You need to make some important decisions when you get his answers. Arguements can be worked are having a baby together. He needs to realize what that means! Q: Hi, my name is candis and I have this enormous crush on this guy. I think he knows that I do have the crush and it's become more clear now that he is like the perfect guy for me, only there's problem. He is "out of my reach," anyway, I think about him constantly and when I see him in school, I get all tense and weird on him. Today, he waved at me, and I couldn't even breath. My question is, Is this an obsession rather than Love and How can I tell this dude that I like him w/out really saying it? (I'm such a punk!!) but it would really help me if you could tell me. OH yeah, if this turns out to be an obsession, what should I do about it? A: Hi Candis, it seems you really like this guy. Is it love? You could be in love with his appearance..but true love? No, you don't know him. Write him a letter give it to him or have a friend do it. Start up a conversation and go from there. You can do it! Q: Hi. My name is Steve and I have a question regarding men's hairstyles. I am balding and decided four years ago to shave my head completely bald for a cleaner look. I received a lot of positive attention from women at the time. However over the last year or so i have noticed more men with longer hair and women paying less attention to bald-headed men. Are bald-headed men out and long-haired guys in? A: Steve, you must be hanging out in the wrong places! Many women like bald men..its a matter of preference. Bald-headed men are masculine there will always be women looking to go with a bald-headed man. Bald-heads never go out of style. Put yourself in the right places and let them find you! Q: Hey I dont know if you can help guys but I have a problem I am with this girl and me and her have a hard time getting alone together and she says she wants to maybe just try it for another week or so. how should i take this A: Of course I help guys too! I'm not quite sure what you mean by this, but if you want to spend time alone ask her to set some time aside where you two can be together and stick to that time. Q: Hey, I am 14 years old and recently broke up with a girlfriend. Things wont work out and everytime i talk or even think of her i get a longly, hurt, kind of sad feeling inside. How do i get over someone, i know it doesnt happen over night but how i can i get to just being friends and not having those bad feelings inside..Thank you A: It is always hard to control our feelings when we break up with someone, it all takes time..eventually you will be ok with it. Try doing other things to keep your mind off of your hurt. Try to realize that is the way things are and begin to accept it. Q: I was going with this guy and he broke up w/me because he said he wasn't gonna have time for me and he had a lot of problems and he didn't want to take his anger out on me. We broke up and he wanted to get back with me the next day so we hooked back up, he said he was sorry for acting stupid and that he wanted to be w/ me. The following week he broke up w/me again because he said his problems were getting worse (I think they"re excuses) Now he wants to get back with me! This boy doesn't have a clue what he wants to do? Please give me some advice. A: You need to stop wasting your time. He seems like he doesn't know what he wants and he can't keep you on the side each time waiting. I suggest you move on or have him make a decision. Q: Hey Bitter- I have a boyfriend and everything is great. Nothing is wrong between us, there is no problems, and we are really into eachother. Well, a while back, I met another guy, that was first interested in me and I found out, and was interested in him too. I haven't known him that long, but I feel attached to him already. I don't know what to do. Should I break up with my boyfriend or what?! I'm confused...I might have a better chance of seeing the other guy, but I'm not sure. Help!! ~confused~ A: Are you willing to give up everything you have with your current boyfriend to take a chance on something that might and might not be? Why would you want to ruin your current relationship if everything is good. Thats something to you need to think about. Are you happy in your current relationship? What are you lacking, that this other guy is/can give you. Q: How do I get my borfriend to propose to me? He says he feels the same way that I do. I just want a commetment. He says he is commited to me. Please help! I feel like I'm waisting my time. A: Talk to him about marriage, see what he has to say. Tell him you want to get married.. give him some hints. Or you could always ask him to marry you! Q: I just started going out with this girl and i really like her alot. Her friends say that she likes me but she seemes to be holding something back. I wan't to show her all the love i have but i'm affraied that she doesn't like me as much as like her. My question is "Does she not like me or is she just shy and don't know how to express it? A: You are the only one who can answer that! I don't know her, you might want to ask her or write her a letter asking what she thinks of you. If her friends say she likes you thats a good sign. Show her you care for her then she might open up more. Q: Hi there, I have been a VERY bitter girl for several months. I have so much angry inside me now, because of my ex-boyfriend.. I could spit fire! I would like to pay him back..I don't want to physically hurt the little boy, but I'd like to hurt him..tear him to shreds emotionally.. I want him to feel what I'M feeling.. I want him to DEAL with this.. until I am able to move on..I WILL NOT move on without him feeling some pain! I need some advice on what to do to him.. I'd like to get him kicked out of college, because that's when this crap all started, but I don't know how, or where to start to get that on the ball, but I'm also up for just sheer torture..little reminders of what he did to me..I have his address.. I was thinkin' on sending him some things about cheaters, cause that's what he did.. he CHEATED on me, and now I'm the BAD one.. Yeah right! but he had a way to turn everything around to where I was on my knees begging him to forgive me! how pathetic, huh? If you plan to write me back, and tell me to move on, and let this all go.. and how time heals all wounds..then don't bother, but if you can help me pay this guy back..I'd owe you for life.. this would mean a lot..I'd feel much better about myself knowing I can cause some sorta pain on someone who's done this to me one too many times..Thanks..I hope you understand! ;) ~Amanda A: Hi Amanda, your mind is pretty set on getting him back.. I liked the idea about sending mail on cheaters! You could also write him a letter and tell him what a jerk he really is and thank him for not wasting your time that could be put to better use, with someone who is worth it. Getting him kicked out of college would be hard to do. I honestly think the best payback to someone like this is to not let him see you hurting. Go on with your life like it didn't phase you and make sure he can see that. I'm sure many of us would like to pay the cheaters back. I hope this helps.. Q: hello I need to ask you a question IM 28 and my fiance is 22 we have been together for 4 yrs almost and I love him with all my heart mind and soul but we have problems IM too jealous and its destroying my relationship I feel like if I don't stop I will lose him he says he loves me alot and will never leave me when he is on the net he talks to girls and I get pissed cause he says things that I cant believe it really bothers me I hate being a jealous person and if I don't stop I will lose him and if I do I cant go on living without him he is my knight in shinning armor and I would die for him he has such a great personality and girls love that and I feel like if I keep getting jealous he will leave cause he says he cant stand it how can I be a good person and stop getting jealous I would kill myself if he left me in my heart I feels so happy but in my soul I feel miserable cause I gave him my heart and he is my best friend but I feel like IM not his best friend I was married for 6 yrs to a man that treated me like shit and hit me all the time he started to have an affair on me and I left him then I came back and I found him in our bed with another women could that be why IM so jealous my fiance doesn't understand me and I wish he would but I don't know what to do please help me over come this rage of jealousy cause it is destroying our relationship thank you Carla A: Hi Carla, he is saying things to girls on the net that you can't believe? Well tell him about it! Tell him it bothers you and ask him to stop. This is a trust issue.. if you were able to trust him you would not be so jealous. It is very hard to trust when you have been in hurtful relationships, it takes time. You have been together for about 4 yrs, it seems that you have not healed from your prior relationships and you need to work on those issues. You might want to try therapy which will help you work through those problems and trust issues. I can understand your fear of losing him and that is very realistic. That can happen. Try to remember who you are with where you are now..remind yourself you are not in that hurtful relationship anymore. Try not to get caught up in your emotions. Maybe that will help. Q: Hi Bittergurl, My boyfriend and I have broken up a few months ago. In the begining things were going great we would always talk about how much we cared about each other and how we meant to one another and things were begining to get real serious. Suddenly things were moving to fast for him and he couldnt handle being with me anymore and wanted us to be friends. It turns out that the reason why he didnt want to keep on seeing me was because he was really hurt by his previous girlfriend and was afraid that he would get hurt all over again. Since the time of our break up we kept in touch constanly. We talk to each other daily and I still have strong feelings for him and I know he still has feeling for me. Theres a huge problem though he is previously dating other people and even though we are just friends it really bothers me. Im not over him and I have never gotten a chance to move on. I know I have to but I just dont want to lose him. What should I do? ~Confused A: He is previously dating other people? If you are saying he is dating others now and not you because you are just friends, then he was just using the hurt line as an excuse and you should leave him behind! If thats not what you are saying, then you need to express your feelings to him. Maybe that will change his mind. But don't waste your time waiting forever if he doesn't change. Q: Hello Bittergurl, My Boyfriend (JJ) and I have been together for about a year and 8 months! We are both 18, and about 2 weeks ago he broke up with me because he said we are still young and he needs time to be with his friends and to have fun! He also told me how he loves me sooo much and he is only 18 and he is for SURE he is going to marry me. Well about a few days ago i found out that he is already talking to a new girl, Now what is that about? i am hurting BADD over the break up and he is already talking to someone new after only a couple days! What is that about? How does he know he isnt going to fall in love with her? Is he just feeding me lines to make me feel good about myself?? I have been going out with friends to try and keep my mind off him, but it doesnt work very well. Some how he always seems to get into my head. I dont know what do to! The other thing is that JJ's dad is telling my dad that JJ and I are going to get married! I am so confused because i want JJ NOW, not a few years from now.. I LOVE HIM NOW. HELP ME Please ~Thank YOU~ Kristie A: Hi Kristie, It looks like JJ is keeping you on the side in case things don't work out for him in the future. Keeping you hanging. If he really truly loves you he'd be with you! It's a possibility that JJ's dad does not know about the breakup. If he wanted and planned on marrying you why would he want to breakup with you?! Makes no sense. If you still love him and want to be with him, talk to him tell him how you feel tell him you don't want to wait! And you don't think it's right what he is doing. Cause it is wrong. Q: Hey bittergirl. =) Well ok, i really like this guy ya know. And i know he likes me back but he just doesnt express his feelings too well ya know. Well anyways, we broke up and i have been telling myself and others that i am done with him and stuff but he called me. And he asked me out again this weekend. And i said that I will have to get back to him. I still really like him and stuff and WANT to go out with him but i dont want to hear it from everyone. They will tell me dumb stuff. What do i DO? A: Do what you feel you want to do! Forget about everyone else.. live your life how you want to live it. If these people are your friends they will respect your choices. Make it clear that is what you want. Q: should i ask a boy out or i wait for him to ask me?? A: Why not? I see no reason why you can't ask him! Q: Currently I have been in a relationship for 7 years. He doesn't work. I work 12 hrs a day. How do I end the relationship without placing blame. Please help!! A: I am sure he will want to know your reasoning for leaving, and by telling him he will feel he is the blame because it is around the work issue. The fact is it is his fault you are leaving. It will be hard to avoid the blaming issue. Express your feelings, that is all you can do. Q: how do you breakup with your boyfriend without hurting him? A: I wish there was a way.. if he cares about you, loves you and wants to be with you, there really is no way to not hurt him by breaking up. Explain your reasons for wanting to breakup, tell him why. Thats about the nicest way of doing it. Q: I've been going w/ this guy for like 2 months, he's bought me alot of stuff(new clothes, Dr. Martins etc...) I'm really crushing on this guy i work w/(Cameron), how should i tell my "man" that i don't want to be w/ him anymore? He always asks me.."Do you love me?" I say "yes"...but it's not that love anymore..Please Help me.. ~Micaela A: Hi Micaela, if you don't want to be with him anymore you need to tell him. Write him a letter if you need to, or just tell him how you feel. It's hard to do. But if you don't feel the same way you once did he needs to know. Not being honest about your feelings is unhealthy for you and him. Q: hi it's me stacey again im 14 years old and i really love my boyfriend sex keeps crossing my mind alot.. and id say the same for him.. i never did it before.. but it's just i cant wait any more.. it's tempting i only went to kissing nothing more...but i have a lotta stuff on my i really want a baby i know seems stupid but i know i can take care of one..but im not gonna have one now.. but whats with all this stuff going around in my head 24/7 i cant sleep b/c i keep having these dreams everynight. your the first one i actully told this to..i dont wanna tell my mom or dad b/c it's to embarassing for me even to talk to them about guys.. i hope you can help me out since i saw you helped other girls and guys in there problems....thanks ~SINCERELY STACEY A: Hi Stacey, I can see there is alot on your mind..Don't jump into anything you are not ready to do. Having sex and/or having a baby is not a good idea at this time in your life whether you feel you can take care of it or not. You are too young, you have so much to do in your life before you should even think of having a baby. Hormones can make you feel confused. Don't let them ruin your life! Take control of your feelings don't resist to temptation. Try to take your mind off of these things and it should calm down. If it feels like its too much you should talk to your parents about it..even though it may be embarassing. Your parents are there for you, they love you. I want to thank you for sharing and being honest by speaking out, I know this is a hard thing to talk about. Q: hi i've got a problem me and my friend had a fight with this boy and his mates so me and my friend don't like them anymore. so but the past few days i kinda fancied one of the boys in that group (i've went out with him b4) I wanna ask him out but we r not friends anymore so i don't know if he has a crush on me but he always stres at me. A: Become friends with him again, start a conversation with him, spend some time around him and then you could ask him out if you still want to. Q: Hey bitter gurl~i'm in 6th grade and I've been in this relationship with this guy for 3 months now. I know that doesn't seem like a long time but its a long time for a 6th grader don't ya think? He's my first boyfriend and he is pretty special to me. I used to like this guy before I went out with my boyfriend but I guess I realized we were never gonna be more than just friends. I didn't really have actual feelings for my boyfriend before I went out with him. I just thought he was hot. Into our relationship he told me the way he felt about me. He always was so sweet and nice and that's what I love about him. I can't tell if I'm really in love or not. All of my friends always say I'm so lucky to have someone like him but I can't really see it. How do i know if I am in love? signed~confused~ A: I think it is a long time for a 6th grader yes. There are no preset emotions or feelings that tell you, you're in love. It's just a feeling that comes to you, each person feels love differently but when you are in love you will know it. It's usually unlike any other feeling you've had before. Q: Hey Bitter! I was just curious on your opinion of love. Especially when it comes to teens. Do you think that teens can feel love or even make things work out for life? ~ Kristen A: Hi Kristen! I believe people can feel love at any age. Love does not discriminate. Yes, some teens can make the relationships they have last for a lifetime. Q: I MET THIS GUY HE SEEMED REALLY NICE WE GOT TOGETHER ONE NIGHT AT HIS HOUSE AND WE WERE DRIKING A LITTLE ONE THING LEAD TO ANOTHER AND WE HAD SEX. WELL THE NEXT DAY HE SENDS ME AN E-MAIL SAYING HOW WE LET OUR EMOTIONS OVER COME US AND HE WAS SORRY AND I WAS A BUETIFUL WOMEN BUT HE JUST WANTED TO BE FREINDS. HOW DOES ONE TAKE THAT I WASNT LOOKING TO MARRY THE GUY BUT WE COULD HAVE TALKED SOME MORE RIGHT? PLEASE HELP A: It seems to me all he wanted was a good time, nothing more he's not interested in a relationship. He wants to be friends, if you want friendship, stay in touch. Q: I really like my boyfriend he sent me flowers today for valentines..and i knew him for over 3 years adn the words i love you wanna come out but im afraid to say them.... and i do really love him......thanks A: Thats nice he sent you flowers! You will say 'I love you' when you truly mean it. If your afraid you may not be ready to say them. Your welcome. Q: MY BOYFRIEND IS SOOO NICE HE SENT ME FLOWERS IN STUFF 4 V-DAY AND HE'S BUYING ME A 2 WAY PAGER AND LAST NIGHT HE TOLD ME HE LOVES ME HE SAID I LOVE YOU AND I KNEW THIS IS THE MAN FOR ME..SO I SAID IT BACK AND I WASN'T AFRAID... AND YOUR ADVICE HELPED THANKS... A: Thats great! I'm very happy for you! I'm glad I could help. Your welcome! Q: Hey it's me (Becky) again, I took your advice and I wrote him a note! He hasn't wrote me back yet! Then I told my friend Jenni and she said he won't write you back cause he's hot and he wouldn't like you! Well today he came over and he wanted to talk to me so I went to him and we talked a while but he didn't bring up anything about the note? Do you think he likes me or not?~*Thank You*~ A: Hi Becky, he does have some sort of interest in you since he came over. Don't listen to your friend she must like him too. He may not say anything about it yet, you can bring it up and see what happens. Ask him to come over and talk some more. I think he likes you. Your welcome! Q: I have been dating the same man for almost six years. We had a long distant relationship for three years and then he moved to my home town. I want to get married and he does not want to. He tells me it is not us that we are fine. It is everything else that is the problem, ie.. we don't own our house yet, our car is not paid for etc. I told him that if I did not have a ring I want out. Is this wrong to feel this way? A: I don't think its wrong to want to move ahead in your relationship, you have been together for quite sometime..have you asked him what his long term plans were in your relationship? Not having your own house or a car has nothing to do with your feelings for each other. Sure it would be nice to have those things but they take time. He's just making excuses. You have been commited to eachother for years, I don't see the problem unless he has other intentions. Maybe you should ask him to set a time frame that he will commit to. Q: Hello my name is Becky I am 14 years old and I really like this boy and I have been told that he likes me alot to! And I really wanna find out if its true or not, but I kinda feel stupid, because I might get rejected! I always catch him stareing at me! Do you think I should write him a note and tell him how I feel about him? ~*Thanks alot*~ A: Hi Becky, the only way to find out is to ask! Writing a note is one way to do it or start a conversation. Rejection is a possiblity but there is no way of knowing unless you try.. its a chance you have to take. It could turn into something nice too. Your welcome! Q: I JUST ASKED MY BOYFRIEND OUT??? AND HE SAID YES I AM SOOOO EXCITED AND WERE GOING ICE SKATING LIKE WHAT DO I DO SINCE THIS IS MY 2ND B/F? SHOULD I CALL HIM MY BOYFRIEND IM KINDA KNEW AT THIS??? ~GEN A: Thats great he said yes and plans on going out with you. But I think its a little early to say if he is or isn't. Since its your first date. Q: Hello, Ive been seeing this 24 year old guy for about 2 weeks now, weve gone out quiet a few times, and last night a group of us went to a club, and we all got a little out of hand with the drinking, So we all ended up staying over my friends house. We ended up sleeping with each other. Now i really do like him, but now im just afraid since i gave it up to soon hes only gonna want a sex relationship, and i dont want that and im not like that just to have sex with someone. Unless im in a relationship with them, so the next day he was fine, he was extremley cuddly, holding my hand kissing me etc. and the night before he was getting jealous that these guys at the club were trying to get with me, and im assuming that he likes me cause of that. Now do you think that was a mistake of me to sleep with him right away? Should i bring this whole situation up, the next time im with him or is to soon to bring it anything up? Also he bumped into some girl that he knew at the club and she asked if he was seeing me, and i over heard him say hmmm sorta. So how should i take that? Im 21 years old and ive been in a realtionship with this 1 guy ever since i was 14 and just ended our relationship about 9 months ago, so i dont know anything about sex relationships or dating for that matter. I just see myself extremley attracted to him and i like him alot, and sometimes i just wish it didnt happen this way, cause im the type to get attached easy, and i just dont wanna get screwed over, cause i see my friends go through it all the time. thanks for your time. ~Becca A: Hi Becca, I can't say how he feels about your relationship the only real way is to ask him. But from what he said to the girl in the club, you aren't officially together. If you like him why don't you make it official thats if you want to continue in the relationship. Other than that it will be a sexual fling. Speak your mind tell him what you want and see if he wants the same things as you and go from there. Q: My friend and i are very shy. He is worse than i am. I'm the one who asked him out first, it was scary. I dont know how guys have courage to do this all time. We've been out to breakfast, to movies and even New Years Eve, all very friendly. I was planning to kiss him on that night, but for one reason or another we weren't able to. I think he would have liked to, and i should have tried harder. I cant tell him how i feel face to face, and he hasn't told me how he feels, so i am going to write him a letter for Val. day. I have been trying to come up with just right letter for past couple of wks..i didn't realize i was ignoring him til last wk. He took time off from work, that's where we see each other, and he didn't even tell me. He always tells me when he's taking time off, so he's problably upset at me. I only put positive things in letter, and the fact that no matter what, i still and always will care for him(he can't handle a love letter). How do you think he'll respond? I really like him, but we can't seem to get in sync. I just need to let him know even if it might not turn out the way i want. A person coesn't change their feelings after 1 1/2 yrs of our at least being friends, can they? A: I can't say how he'll respond because I don't know him. A person can have a change of feelings at any time. But that doesn't mean this is the case. You have been friends for a long time. Maybe he just wants to be friends. Writing a letter telling him how you feel is a good idea. Ask him to write you too and then you'll know how he feels, since you are both shy. Q: hey i gotta little problem! i have been seeing this girl for a little while now i like her a lot everything is perfect about her she is everything that i have ever wanted in a g/f. i have told her this many times b4 i have even told her that i love you she also said it n return but a few weeks ago she just said "oh ok" when i told her that. i didnt think ne thing about it until the next day i asked her about it and she said that she doesnt want a serious relationship she just wants a dating relationship and maybe should see others then shw said she doesnt want to date ne 1 else that we jsut need to slow down she has been after me for along time and when we first had sex she told me that she was so afriad that i would never talk to her again i am very much in love w/ this person. i am will be leaving for bootcamp in a few months and i think she doesnt want to get hurt when i leave, she even told me that she thinks i would never come back to see her! i told her no matter where in the world i was i would come home to see her whenever i gotta chance. i dont know if she is scared of being comitted to me and then me leaving her or just doesnt want to be w/ me. we r still together but to me it seems like a friendship more than ne thing else we hardly kiss or hold hands or even call each other. the thing that really confusses me is that she was after me so long and tired so hard to get together w/ me and now it is like she doesnt want be w/ me anymore i have talked w/ some of my friends and they have told me that she is propably afraid that she will never see me agian when i leave and doesnt want to get hurt. this girl means everything to me and i dont want to lose her, so can you please help me out? thank you for your time A: She is insecure about you leaving, and has every right to be. You'll be in a long distance relationship and maybe she isn't ready for that. It is VERY hard being in a relationship with someone you can't be with all the time. I can tell how much you care and feel for her. You should reassure her tell her why you are leaving, tell her what she means to you. Ask her how she wants your relationship with her to turn out and go from there. Q: I like this girl alot. we are only just friends. how do I turn it in to more? please help. thanx A: Ask her out, tell her how you feel. Thats one way to start. Q: Hi Bitter, I am 17 years old. I'm going to be 18 in 2 months, and I have this boyfriend that I am absolutely crazy about! We have been together for 5 months and we are going strong. He is my best friend and can tell him anything. I have always told myself that I wanted to wait to have sex until marriage, but I find myself wanting to share that intimate act with him. I will wait until Im at least 18, but is it a bad idea to have sex this young or kinda soon in the relationship? I really trust him. What's the best to do? A: You are young, it is a good idea to wait. Why jump into sex young? If he is your best friend and truly loves you he would respect your wishes. You have been with him for 5 months, thats not a long time. Go with what you truly feel is right, deep within. You know the answers. Q: Dear bittergurl, I have been married to a girl I deeply love for 6 years now, we have 2 daughters, 4 and 5 years old. After our second daughter sex came to a stop, I would be forced to beg and plead for it. I made jokes about it to lessen the severity of it all, I would grab her and touch her in a sexual ways to try and initiate sex, but after 4 years of this I'm tired of the hassle. We have talked together about it (first yelling, then calmly, then deeply lovingly), but she says she just isn't horny any more. I asked if there was anything I could do to help, she said no. Recently, we started to see a councilor (psychologist) to help us, the Dr. said that there are other problem involved in our lives that are effecting the situation, and that they need to be addressed. But i am hurting so bad, once a week isn't fast enough. Now the psychologist said I shouldn't make any advances towards my wife, to see if that lessens the pressure on her to have sex. But I think I'm going to far, I don't want to even talk to her, I feel hurt that she can't open up to me and let me help her. I love her, she is a great girl, but I she that this has made her different also (more impatient with our children), and I don't want to leave her or my kids, but I don't enjoy being around her as much. Please tell me things will change for the better. ~Confused! A: I can understand your pain. But if you want this to work, it will take time and effort. The Dr. you both seen is right, I am sure there are other issues that have lead up to this. It may be difficult for her to talk to you about it because she doesn't know how to go about it, she might be afraid of hurting you too. If she is not happy she will not have intimate relations with you, thats typical for most women. If you are aware of the problems that you both need to address you need to work on it. You can't expect things to change overnight, because it won't. You need to go slowly, and be patient. When you do see the Dr. you should tell him your feelings about it too. Once you address and correct the problems in your relationship, things should go smoothly. Until then they won't. She is more impatient with the children because she is stressed, the problems need to be worked out. Not talking to her is not going to solve the problems. Work with her, be there for her, support her and love her. That is what she needs right now. Q: THIS MIGHT SOUND A LIL STRANGE, BUT I KNOW U PROBABLY HEARD IT ALL. BUT ANYWAY, I HAVE JUST MET THIS GUY THAT IM NOW SEEING. I'VE KNOWN HIM 4 LESS THAN A MONTH, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE I'VE KNOWN HIM 4 A VERY LONG TIME.I LIKE HIM ALOT ALOT, NO IM NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM, BUT I REALLY REALLY LIKE HIM. BUT MY PROBLEM IS..HE IS LIVING WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND..NO I DONT THINK HE IS GONNA LEAVE HER(I WISH HE WOULD)LOL..HOWEVER I HAVE DATED MANY GUYS THAT HAS HAD GIRLFRIENDS, BUT NOT LIVE IN GIRLFRIENDS..THIS IS BOTHERING ME. I DONT KNOW HOW U FEEL BUT I THINK THAT HAVING A GIRLFRIEND AND LIVING WITH A GIRLFRIEND IS VERY DIFFERENT.. NOW MY QUESTION TO U IS--IS IT NORMAL 4 ME TO FEEL THIS WAY ABOUT A GUY THAT I JUST MET? IS THIS A FAZE THAT IM GOING THROUGH WITH HIM? WILL IT PASS? LAST BUT NOT LEAST, SHOULD I STAY DATING HIM OR MOVE ON? REMEMBER BITTER, I REALLY REALLY LIKE THIS GUY, HOW DO I GET HIM OUT OF MY MIND OR HOW DO I STOP MY FEELINGS FROM GROWING 4 HIM? NEEDING YOUR ADVICE?????? ~UNDECIDED......B.K A: I guess the question is are you willing to share him with another girl? If so, then you can continue to let your feelings grow. Otherwise you should move on. He LIVES with her and that means she means alot to him if they live together, they must have some sort of bond and closeness. Do you accept that? You can feel alot of different feelings about people you just meet, is it normal? There is no "so-called normal" in my eyes. But its common to have feelings for people we just meet, our feelings grow the more we are with someone, as a friend or lover, etc. I myself do not think its right to start a relationship with someone who already has a partner. I can tell you REALLY like him, but if you say he's not going to leave his live-in girlfriend then I think you should find another, unless you'll settle for what is now and that is a decision you have to make. Q: I dated a guy for 17 months and it ended about 4 months ago. I have dated other people but have not had a relationship with any of these people. however, my ex has had another girlfriend for nearly 2 months. he tells me it is not serious and he could never love anyone (not even her) as much as he did her. We ended our relationship because I began college and he was still in high school and our lives were just going in different directions. but here's the thing.. he and I still talk alot and for the past 4 weeks, we have been meeting up alot. we have even been to eachothers houses but we mostly meet up late at night and park somewhere. he has not been faithful to his girlfriend. we are still sleeping together. after we have sex, he wont let me go. he says he just wants to lay in eachothers arms for a little while. I still care about him and he says he still cares about me, but he is still with his girlfriend. what should I do? should I believe what he says to me or forget him and try and move on? please help! A: Looks like he wants to have his cake and eat it too! If he feels that way about you and he wants a relationship with you, he should leave his girlfriend. Otherwise its just casual sex. And right now it seems like casual sex. He could have said those things in the thrill of the moment, he may not mean them. You need to ask these questions when your not in the middle of intimacy. Ask him what he wants out of your relationship. I don't think its fair to lead you or the other girl on. Q: hi i have a question about something that's hard for me but anyway. what if you have a couple doubts before even talk to the person on the phone or even going out on a frist date with them and even the frist date? A: I'm not sure how to answer this because I don't know what you mean when you say doubts. You might want to get to know the person better before moving ahead that way you can be sure if you do or don't want to go on a date or make the call. Always go with your gut feelings. Q: Hi! I'm kinda having this problem having good conversations with my boyfriend. I don't really get into anything deep with him and share compltetel thoughts with him. I was wondering how I ould fix that. I've been with him a while so it's not like I'm still getting to know him like that. With my last boyfriend I could talk forever about one thing, but not this one. Can ya help me out? A: Bring up a topic and ask him how he feels about it, thats usually a good way to get a conversation going. Maybe your not as comfortable talking with him as you were with your past boyfriend or vice versa. Not everyone communicates the same way, so its hard to say how to make it work you just have to try. He has to be willing to open up to you. Q: hi im a female in my 30s ive been struggling through relationships, from age 20 my first husband would always hit on me, curse me, mentley emotionaly but here i am from age 20 been through 4 divorces 4 marriages and relationships that sour, ive had no luck, im now speaking to people for help, and im hungry for attition, love pampering and know more heart aches, but i cant find that kinda love bouncen back and forth, from guys they say things to get you to beleave them ive done it beleaved them and i have been punished through lifes misfortunates i care so much but its a pain that i cant get a happy life and with bipoler you cant get rid of it, you have it the rest of your life, im on medications but at times i feel my self moving back into that unforgiven life style again how can i have a normal life and not worry about the past in my life, i struggle enough i think with out, jammin this all back on me, if you have answers please tell me thanks. A: You have been through alot in your life, and I'm sorry things didn't go smoothly. The only thing I can suggest is that you go slower when getting involved with someone take time don't jump into a relationship quickly. There is no such thing as "normal" you need to make changes to make your life the way you want it, and thats never easy. Be in the moment, try to move on from the past but try to work through any problems that your past brings up for you. Q: I have been with the same guy for over 7 months and I want to break up with him because hes no fun but he treats me like a queen and I am afraid I will never find anyone like him hes really nice to me and never once disrespected me I am just bored I told him but he wont change I dont if I should break up with him or if I do how to do it I dont want to hurt his feelings beccause I know he cares for me a lot. A: There are a few things you can do. One thing you can try to do is to spice up things yourself make things work for you. Suggest fun things, do fun things with him. Your in this together so both of you should try. You can't expect him to make things fun all the time. The second thing, is find out why your bored! Have you changed or did he? And if he did change, how so? Maybe he's depressed, find out why? These are my suggestions. The break-up decision is yours I cannot answer that for you. Just keep in mind if he treats you so well, do you really want to push him away? Q: I've been seeing a man for 3 1/2 years and he keeps using the excuse that my clothes smell like smoke. I dont smoke around him ever. He goes on vacation with me comes over my apt. and has sex. He says if I move in with him I will smell up his home with my clothes. If we have a disagreement he leaves for a month or 2 weeks here and there. He always finds the imperfections in me. Is he playing games or fear of commitment ousing me. I figure after all this time he should know what he wants. Nothing I do seems to please him. I stuck by him through his illnesses, sexual problems, etc. but he wants perfection. Will he change. Or is he one ccccconfused man. He is extra close with his sisters, more to them than me. He seems to leave me when its time for my birthday or christmas etc. A: This man seems very rude to me. There could be alot of reasons as to "why" he is doing this he could be afraid to commit. But this sure is a "ignorant" way of saying so. This guy seems like a real jerk! No one is perfect and he certainly can't expect you to live up to all of his expectations, if he does I wouldn't waste my time any longer. From what I can see it seems like he's using you, if he cared he would try work out disagreements not disappear for a month or a few weeks at a time. I can't see staying in a relationship with someone who disappears for weeks and months without any contact. Is he going to change? Thats up to him, he has to want to change. I can see you have put alot into this relationship and most likely you have been the only one putting any effort into this relationship and thats a shame. His relationships with his sisters, I really can't say what the issue is there. I suggest you get some answers from him, ask him what his future plans are for your relationship together, because if there is going to be anything significant someone will have to make some serious changes. Q: Ok there is this girl and she is pretty nice. She comes over to my desk everyday in class we talk and laugh together. I think she likes me but I really don't know. This girl is white and I am black and I already been turn down once by a white girl so I'm not going to approach her because of the fear of rejection. She asked me what I think about other girls and their black. She enjoys talking to me and I enjoy talking to her she's not interested in another guy as far as I know and she even asked me did I have a girlfriend and I said I'm not talking to anyone right now. She like tounching on me alot on my head and kind of flirting with me and I don't know what to do, so what should I do? A: Rejection can happen at anytime from anyone and any race. Rejection is a part of life, we can be rejected in many ways. I know its not a good thing but we can't let it stop us! If she asked if you had a girlfriend and she asked what you think about other girls, is a hint. It tells me that she wants to know what type of girls you like which could mean she wants to know if you like her. These are just some possibilities. Talk to her ask her if she would date someone from your race, thats one way of finding out for sure. Q: My girlfriend and I were together for five years this october '99'. We had a bumpy past but always pulled through. It started when I forgot our anniversery, I tried to make it up to her but she said it was no problem, and I got the silent treatment for two days. From there on we started arguing about stupid stuff 'little things'. Then out of the blue she said that we needed time apart. I tried to talk to her about it but she said that she didn't want to. I tried flowers, letters and begging her, nothing worked. She finally told me that she loved me but she wasn't in love with me anymore. She also got into an argument with her parents and suddenly moved out with her friend. A month later after not hearing from her for thanksgiving I paged her. I asked her why she didn't call me to let me know she was ok, she blamed me for her fighting with her parents and said that I wasn't worth it, after five years I don't think things should have ended like that especially after we had talked about marriage and starting a family. I talked to her parents and they said that I had nothingn to do with them fighting with her, and hearing that I wasn't worth it was the worse thing that anyone has ever said to me in my life. Being almost three months now my heart is as broken as the day she left and my love for her stronger than before. I feel as if I have lost my only true love, I have yet to start picking the pieces especially with the holidays just passing I feel that there is nothing left of me. Please help me any which way you can. ~Yours Truly A Broken Heart A: There are alot of missing pieces that could have contributed to this break-up. Things that you may not be aware of and things she may not have told you.. Probably both. Holidays are always difficult when we are apart from people we care about. You tried talking to her, letters, flowers..there is nothing else you can do. If she is willing to throw away a five year relationship instead of trying to make things work, she has a problem. I suggest you move on, and thats not easy but you can do it. Q: Ok, Theres this guy that I really like, and I've never had such feelings for anyone before. And the words "I love you" kinda worry both of us, but I feel that I want to say them. They keep creeping to the tip of my tongue and I have to catch myself before I say them. I'm not sure if I should wait before he says them if he ever does, or what. I don't want to scare him or anything. I really feel strongly for him though, and I want to express myself! What do I do? A: You know the words "I love you" worry both of you? I'm not quite sure what that means..But you will say it when you truly mean it, you won't hold back. There are many ways of expressing your feelings to someone, greeting cards are a good way and the list goes on and on. When you are both ready, it will happen. Q: Hi. I'm to old for all this hurt. Why was I so stupid? My "love" stated that I was a rebound, that he still loved another. So, I went into the background for a while, but the other woman instant messaged me.. She said she was no threat to me and my guy, but..I believed her..then after talking with her, she went back to him and reported lies. I am a very honest, trusting person. Why does this turn out to be a fault or a curse? How could he believe her, I never lied to him. Trust is so important in a relationship.. without it..I don't think it would work. Well, now he won't even talk to me. I did nothing wrong. Why am I being punished? Can you feel my goes very deep? I don't hate him, not too fond of her though..Everyone says..time heals all wounds..but this is so hard. ~DL A: You said he "stated" you were a rebound. Regardless of what the other woman says he still loves her. That is the key issue right there. Of course he will believe anything she says if he "loves her" she still means alot to him. Even if she says she isn't a threat that doesn't mean he changed his mind about her. Since she told lies about you, that means she was a threat and wanted him back. Don't ever trust the "other" woman. Why would she be on your side? It just seems to me they wanted each other back, and now they are together again. I can feel your pain. But maybe next time don't get involved with someone who states "your a rebound", I think thats disrespectful enough to not want to be with him any longer. Q: Hey BitterGurl. I have been dating this guy for about 4 months now...and he's great for me, but theres one thing that bothers me about him. He just doesnt tell me how he feels about me. He says that I should already know he cares about me, but I just want him to say it every once and a while, and I just out of line? Is there something wrong with me or him? I just want to be reassured. *Out of line? A: Hiya! There is nothing wrong with wanting to know/hear his feelings. Some guys aren't comfortable talking about feelings thats why they tend to stray away. Just know there is NOTHING wrong with you. This is common for alot of males. And your NOT out of line! Try talking to him about it, tell him you'd like to know how he feels about you, let him know its important to you and see what he has to say! Q: I have this friend that I just started hanging out with and I introduced her to my boyfriend. We were all hanging-out, getting drunk, and they could not stop looking at each other. Should I. Get made at him? then I am ready to go (she road with me to the party) she wants to stay and he does to. Well, her I am at home pissed off while I left them together smoking on the porch. Should I tell him to beat it or what? A: It could have been because they were both drunk although it doesn't make it "RIGHT". I would talk to him about it, see what he has to say and go from there. She came with you, she should have left with you. I would be mad at him if he was making "EYES" at my friend. Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. The last relationship he had before me was 6 years ago. He still goes to his ex girlfriends house to her family. His ex's mother always calls him son in-law and makes comments such as he should have been your baby's father. She has a baby for another guy and he always carry's her sons picture on his key ring. I really don't feel comfortable with the situation. If they have broken up, why does her mother still call him son in-law. Im just very confused, hurt and don't know what to do. I confront him about it and he always says there could be nothing between them anymore. Then he tries to console me by telling me that his family loves me and that Im their favorite cause his mother always calls me daughter in-law and he always calls me his wife. What should I do? Its killing me and I don't feel comfortable. A: I don't blame you for not feeling comfortable!!! Something is really WRONG here, I don't see the reasoning in him visiting his ex's family all the time. And carrying her baby's picture on his Key Ring?! from another man.. There is something missing here on his part, there is ALOT that he is not telling you and I suggest you confront him on all of these things. It seems to me there is alot more going on here than just "friendship". And if not, he needs to make some major changes..tell him don't be afraid to speak your mind! Q: I met a guy and we are sooo compatible. He likes me a lot. I know this because he tells me all the time and he calls me every day. The problem is that he is smothering me. We have been dating for less than a week and he is acting like we have been in a relationship for a year. He thinks we are exclusive, but did not think to ask me how I feel about that. He even gets upset when I flirt with other guys, as if I am being unfaithful to him. I do not mind being in a relationship, but this was way too fast for me. Now I find myself not really liking him anymore, but I do not have the heart to tell him. I know I should talk to him, and I will. But should I stick it out with him for awhile to see if I start liking him again? Or should I go with my gut feeling and break it off now? A: I always say follow your instinct. But, if he never smothered you to begin with would you still want to be with him? If so, then you need to tell him to slow down..tell him he's moving in on you too quick you've only been together a week! If he respects your needs by slowing down, maybe its worth a shot?! Thats up to you, if your truly unhappy best thing to do is to end it. Q: I went out with a girl for about nine months. It was amazing how in love we were being teenagers and all. Our relationship was so different than most highschool relationships. We were seriously in complete love and to this day she agrees we were. She would always talk about how she seriously wanted to be with me the rest of my life and I believed her. Then she started having some serious problems with bulemia and depression which I found out later that she had these problems before we started dating but for some reason I made them go away for a while. She all of a sudden turned into this completly different person and wanted nothing to do with me. I stayed away from her for a while and then we started being very good friends. But lately she wants to be friends at times but other times she pretty much tells me to **** Off. I worry about her so much because she has been suicidal in the past. She tells me it makes her worse sometimes when she hears from me because she starts thinking about how much stuff she put me through breaking up with me and all. But I am pretty much the only person who really understands her and is there for her. No one but me knows everything about what she is going through. She says knowing that someone cares is one of the reasons she is still alive today. I am so confused. Should I leave her alone and save her some grief or should I keep in touch letting her know someone cares for her well being which I indeed do? ~Chris A: Depression, can cause mood swings and confusion which could contribute to her being a "different person" sometimes. The reasons her symptoms may have left when you were together is because she was happy, she felt loved, needed and cared for. When she lacks those feelings, is stressed or triggered these symptoms can come back. It's not an easy relationship or friendship to be in. There are many issues here that are left up in the air. You might want to stay in touch, write her a note or send her a card to let her know your thinking about her, that you care and how you feel because I know you care about her very much. I'm sure she needs you and I think you need her too. But the less pressure the better. Stay in the background but not too far away if you know what I mean, as long as its not hurting you. You seem like a wonderful caring person and a great friend, I think she's lucky to have you. Q: Me and this guy used to date, and we don't anymore, and he just broke up with his girlfriend a week ago, and we are talking now, and I love him more than anything in this universe, should I tell him or not? ~hopelessly devoted A: If he just broke up with his girlfriend it might be a little too soon. They might get back together one can never tell. If you have strong feelings for him and you tell him then he goes back with her it could be tragic. I suggest you play it safe for awhile. Give him some hints about how you feel and go from there. Q: Hi Bittergirl, I have a major problem with my husband. We both work. I work part time at night. I take care of our 8 month old daughter during the day while he is at work. When we are home together(which is about 4 nights a week) He'll sit on the computer for 5 sometimes 9 hours a night. I know it gets boring, trust me, but recently I found a picture on a disk that was taken on a web cam by two young girls. they had to be no older than 16 and were chatting with him in there bra's. My husband always thinks I'm just nagging him all the time. but this is serious. I feel that it was disrespectful to me and our daughter. But I want things to work. What can I do? ~Sincerely, Superchick80 A: This is very serious! You need to talk to your husband about it now, don't let matters get worse. I know you want things to work between the two of you, being bored has nothing to do with this! For your daughters safety and the safety of the two girls this needs to be discussed. No adult should engage in sexual chat and/or contact with a minor. Q: I just broke up with my boyfriend. We were going out for three years. Almost engaged. I can't let go even though I think he is a jerk. ~Can't let go. A: If he's a jerk, you should move on! Why torture yourself! Three years is a long time, any break up is hard. Keep yourself busy! Q: How do you handle a break-up? Could you give me some advice please. I am 22 from South Africa. A: The best thing to do is to keep busy! Go out with friends, do things to take your mind off of him or her. Q: What do you do when the person you love doesn't want to be with you anymore? And What do you do when its so hard to move on when you can't get them out of your head? A: You can't make anyone love you. You can only hope they will love you in return. Rejection is always hard to deal with. We have to learn to let go, accept what is. Learn to live in the moment. Tell that person how you feel, write a letter, let them know! If they don't respond then maybe it wasn't right to begin with. Q: How can I deal with family members causing problems in my relationship. My boyfriend's mother does not want him with me. She wants him to take care of her. His sister is also laying a guilt trip on him about coming to Florida to live with me. His Sister said that he would have to live with his mother dying and not spending time with her if he came to live with me in Florida. I think that is cruel to tell someone this and I can't live with the thought of people who are Christians dominating a 45 yr old man's life. A: It's not up to his mother to make the decision to move with you to Florida, he is 45 yrs old. If he wants to be with you he needs to make that clear to his family. It is his family he needs to deal with them, they may say and do cruel things but there is nothing you can do about that. Only he can put a stop to it. If his mother is dying, he may not want to move at the moment. He should spend sometime with her now. It's something the two of you need to work on. Parents never want to let go of their children no matter what age, its the child/adult that has to break those chains. Q: I have been dating a guy seriously for 4 years. He used to be sweet, loving and showed lots of interest, but we constantly fight and are jealous of each other. Now he wants to date me again, but its not the same person. He is rude, inconsiderate and he doesn't show me anymore affection. Why is he doing this to me? A: I'm a bit confused. I am assuming you broke up with him and he wants to date you again. Tell him why you don't want to be with him, tell him how he treats you. No one deserves to be treated that way! Then maybe if he changes his attitude you can think about dating him again and if not tell him so. And if he's rude and inconsiderate thats why he's doing that to you! Q: I'm 42 and I fell in love with a 60 yr old man who was an associate at a company I worked for but based in D.C., I live and work in Dallas. Everyone found out at work, including my friends D.C. associates, that were not happy about the relationship. This man also gave me a large amount of money, which they knew about some of. On his last trip down before the news cast, I mentioned marriage. I heard from him once after this. Then he would no longer take my calls and would hangup when he did answer. Was this all my fault? What does this type of reaction mean? I am broken and lost. A: It could be that he his angry with you because everyone at work found out about your relationship, and the money that he gave you. Or he could be avoiding you because he's not interested in marriage. Maybe he is married or had a change of heart. There are many possibilites. Was it your fault? I can't give you the answer to that question. What does it mean? He's angry. You might have taken the relationship more seriously than he did. Q: I am or was in a relationship and I am now 5 months pregnant. He moved out 7 weeks ago. He comes around every few days and tells me he loves me but then I won't hear from him for 3-4 and sometimes 5 days at a time. He claims he needs his space and that he isn't seeing anyone else, that he needs to clear his head and get his stress levels down. Why is it when he is here I believe him? But then I don't believe him again when he doesn't show up or even call for days?? That to me isn't love, I don't even know what it is. Or do you think this guy really needs his space?? I am confused and worried, more because this will be my third child and I don't know what to expect. ~Mel A: Mel, it looks like this guy is messing with your head! It could very well be he needs space to clear his head. But he keeps playing with your emotions and this is not right!! He maybe confused and is trying to make decisions, but at the same time he leads you on. You believe him because maybe at that moment he feels that way, he is good with his words and the next moment he may not feel that way if he's with someone else. You need to do what you have to do to take care of you. If you can move on, otherwise make him prove himself to you. Q: I have been married for 4 yrs, but dated my husband for 15 yrs before getting married. I have lost my love feelings for him over 2 yrs ago. I stay in this relationship for my kids and so I do not hurt his parents. I am miserable and so unhappy. Do I not deserve to be loved and love again? A: Who says your not loved? Your children love you, and your husband probably loves you. You can't please everybody! You do deserve to be loved and love again. I think it would be a good idea to try counseling. You have been in this relationship for 19 yrs. Thats a long time to just walk away. Maybe you can correct what has been troubling your relationship. I don't know the ages of your children, and his parents should have nothing to do with your decision. Don't assume the grass is greener on the other side, it may not be. 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